Angel of Wales
by Vain x Life Poetess
Summary: Serious AU after Mary writes her last letter to her child before she faces the scaffold she begins to bring back all the memories that led to her damnation and to her eventual imprisonment by her father and husband.
1. The End is the Beginning

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**Disclaimer****: I don't own everything, certainly not the tudors, showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

**I leave with this story, it may turn into a short piece, I may leave it at one shot, it all depends from your reviews.**

**Thanks to Dani [SSLE] for brainstorming, and to my best friend, in the past for TBP [Treason by Parentage Saga which started all the rave for tomkat] you knew her as PrincessAnne my co author for my last chapters for Part I and the first chapters of TBP Part II, now just Anna she has helped with the prologue so I thank her.**

**Also this story I will work with most of the showline's time of events however I will incorporate historical events in this as well, one of the changes that I will go along with showtime is POB age. He was born around 1504 and he was DOB in the show so he will be Duke of Bavaria here that will not change to avoid confusion, another thing is that his religious sympathies are never clear but for the purpose of thie story he will mainly be of Lutheran sympathies, and his age will be the same as Mary's so his birth date will be placed in this AU around 1514-1516.**

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_"Love is not a sentiment is only an idea. Love is an ideal that destroys, that tears your soul and makes you feel hollow, I know because I am the woman whom you like to listen in her crazy rambles, the woman who has a lot of friends but not any boyfriend, the woman who ends up being alone with many cats and strange animals in her apartments. I am that woman" _

**~"Naturally alone" by Anonymous**

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Mary could not remember a day when her father had not promised her happiness. He was always there, it seemed when she was ther lowest point. He seemed trustworthy. Her mother always said to obey her father in all things, she was clear about that in her last letter to Mary.

How did she end up like this?

In this bed, with not her _husband_ orher closest friends to be with her? There would occasionally be maids coming and going sent by her father, and [she thought bitterly] _the Queen_. A midwife would be with them, and her physician Dr. de la Sa. They would constantly check on her. They would ask questions, was she alright, how was confinement?

Confinement, I smirk at that word. How I hate the word confinement. It is the worst word there can be.

Confinement, I bark in laughter.

The midwife comes to the small room again. She asks me the same questions like Dr. de la Sa, am I eating all my food? Am I alright? I tell her the truth, the food is horrible and I want to get out of this room, I hate being in this room, it feels like an Eternity. But the midwife says I can't, that it is all for my own safety.

The next day I stay up all night, talking to myself, then to God confessing myself to him asking him when I can see the man I love again. I imagine God telling me that it will all be over after my son or daughter arrives, after I deliver his baby then can I be free from confinement.

Day Twenty three, I note in my journal. I had been keeping this journal for the time of my stay in this Residence.

I try to write but I keep feeling the weight of my guilt on my abdomen, and that guilt is kicking back at me constantly.

I gasp as I feel a sharp pain. The guards after they hear my cries call for the Physician who was luckily on his way to check me. They stop the pain hours later after I wake up. The first thing that comes to mind is whether I will be free, whether I will be able to nurse this child before he or she taken away from me like my first two sons, Henry and Phillip?

I can still remember the time when Phillip and Henry were born to me. Two beautiful boy, only separated by a year. The first one I could see Phillip and his grandfather, my father all over him. He had my father's cold stare, and his loud wail that woud not cease until he would be pampered and proper handled by his parents. I had wanted to hold him, to bring him love but after I saw those eyes I couldn't ... I really couldn't.

But Phillip had ignored her and came over to Mary "I have known you to be the greatest thing to ever happen to me" He'd said the day I gave England another heir, and Bavaria's future Duke. Phillip and my father were happy that I had borne the two nations a son. My husband had not taken into account my sad look when my son was torn away from me by his nurse and the midwives. I wanted to hold him, I intended to make him mine, to oversee his education but even that was restricted for a poor, sad woman like me.

I begin to write in the journal, the day your brother, my firstborn was torn from my arms like I am sure you will be too. His education was decided by no other than my husband and Cranmer. Nothing better than to have the man [that I thought] I loved convene with Cranmer about the future education of my son. Some people had called Phillip an opportunist, Eustace Chapuys, the Imperial Ambassador was one of them.

He had said to be weary of Phillip, but I had been rash, one single decision changed everything. I wonder whether if in another future I would have made a better decision and decided to wait instead of marrying Phillip so quickly? Would I have fared better? Would you have fared better? Or, would you and your second oldest brother, my second son Henry, would you two have existed? I don't know. I honestly don't. It is impossible to know what the future might have hold for us if we had made a different choice.

Month Three, Day 48th.

Only a little while longer and she would be gone from this besieged residence, this room where something malevolent hovered, tormenting her. Only a little while longer ... Phillip might not be the same dashing for her, but he could still be her salvation from the torment that her father and the Queen had put her in the walls of her own home.

"Thank you" Mary said, pulling her arm closer to her side.

_Esther_ was the name of the midwife as she was helping her former Mistress deliver the babe said unto Mary "But I must tell you that much happiness lies within your own power. Tht man has little to do with it"

She was surprised that Esther dared to speak that way for her, she looked at Esther indignant, but she said nothing instead she cried in pain as she continued to push.

"Have it stop" She demanded crying harder as pain took her.

"Milady just one push!" She declared but Mary could not do it. Apple bosoms were what suddenly came to her mind, his voice was what started to guide as she kept on hearing too the voice of Esther.

"Push" She prompted and Mary pushed.

Wails of a newborn filled the room "It is a girl Your Grace" Your Grace, she still called her Your Grace, because no matter how much she had fallen from grace [the irony there] she was still Your Grace, she was still the Royal [though bastard] of Henry VIII, his eldest daughter, his jewel (she still wanted to think) and more important the co ruler of Phillip of Bavaria, Duchess of Bavaria.

She had thought the pain was over but it wasn't, another pain suddenly invaded her.

"Ahh!" She cried harder now.

Esther's yells and cries did not calm her, the maids flocked to her side closer now as they held each her arms as she sat up attempting to clutch her stomach. Let his pain free me, she thought.

"Yahwhe be praised, Your Grace I see the head crowning" Esther announced. Though she was a jew she became a trusted confidant to Mary. Mary had trusted her in the last days of her pregnancy with her second son Henry Wittelsbach. She better than Dr. de la Sa or Dr. Butts to know what ailed her.

Mary's health had never been the best. She had had often amenhorrea, depression, suffered fallbacks from stress, fevers, colds, the list just continued, of course Ambassador Marillac though these were just exagerations. One of her maids who was of French origin corroborated Marillac's suspicions to him, but she'd only said it to save her Mistress from suspicions that she could not have children.

Everyone though that Phillip's line would die with him when she'd wed him. Even her own sister much like her mother [especially now that Mary was in disgrace] thought that she would end as a washed up old lady.

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_"He must have gone down on his knees! and have begged to be excused ... to be forced to stick it up that old dried up virgin!"_

_"Elizabeth!" I exclaimed, I was genuinely shocked._

_"What?" Her eyes were blazing with temper. For a moment I believed that she did not know what she was saying. "What's wrong with telling the truth?" He is a young handsome man who will inherit half of Europe , she is a woman old before her time and old enough anyway. It is disgusting to think of them rutting together like a young piglet on an old sow. It is an abomination. And if she is like her mother she will bear nothing but dead babies!"_

_I put my hands on my ears_

**~Hannah Green and "Lady" Elizabeth on Phillipa's Gregory's: "The Queen's Fool" p.239 **

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Finally the time had come to bring the last push. Mary screamed the loudest, her cries ringing to the other rooms in the Tower Green.

There was second wail she never believed she could hear screams louder than hers or her daughter, but her second newborn, the girl's twin screamed the loudest.

"Yahweh!" Esther could not avoid it, her surprise was evident in her face as was Mary's anticipation as she asked "What is it?" She was tired but her excitement kept her from darkness taking her. After every birth she always grew tired, Elizabeth was right in their last argument, she was a washed up old woman by now. She was nearing thirty years old and yet she felt her body older as her spirit after all she had been through with him and Phillip.

"Tis is a Lady Your Grace. And beautiful she is!" Esther exclaimed bringing the daughter next to her "Milady" she said now crying harder as the child as she brought her closer to Mary. "Look at her, she is clearly a Tudor" Esther said impatiently as Mary refused to see her babe.

The first babe was still in the maid's arms next to her. Mary had partially seen her and she looked beautiful, but this babe she could not see because she was afraid that on the twin's face she would see the face of her shame reflected. She could not bear that.

But Esther kept shoving her in her face that at last pushing aside all the shame she felt, she held the child in her arms. Immediately the child's cries ceased and taking a better look into her child she realized that Esther was right. There was definetly Tudor in her. She was all Tudor and turning to the maid next to her, her name she tried to remember but she couldn't so she simple ordered her "Give her to me" The maid looked at Esther who nodded.

The maid gave her firstborn daughter to Mary, now she had both twins. Her firstborn daughter unlike her fraternal twin had no Tudor on her. In fact she had more of her father, her eyes were his, so were her strong cheeks and bones and unlike Mary both of them were healthy.

Mary might have chosen for the children to be whisked away as was to be their fate, but she chose to stay longer, as much as she could before Master Kingston and Edward Seymour came to take them away. She kissed her firstborn daughter's head and whispered to her, Esther being very close heard her former Mistress -_"Mi bel accident" _

"You shall be my Isabella, I will let you enter into my heart's state, and your happiness is in your grandfather's hands ..." she sniffed as she bitterly added "and my husband's"

"I think Your Grace should hurry, I can hear footsteps approaching" Esther said with a hurried tone. Mary ignored her as she kissed her firstborn daughter's brow, unlike Phillip and then Henry, she felt closer to these two than she had in the six years that she had borne Phillip and then Henry.

Coming to her second daughter she whispered "Please don't..." she sniffed harder "don't" -she couldn't finish the sentence, it would be inevitable, the cell door clicked and Mary knew that the time had come to take them. "Elizabeth, my Elizabeth" Despite all the last confrontations and fights she had with her sister Elizabeth, she still loved her and forgave her. She bore much resentment for her, but she was still her sister and no matter what she would have done in the future that was now not to be, to dethrone and take back what was first ours. That future Mary would not have to worry anymore, it would all be erased thanks to her two sins she had in her arms.

"Duchess" -Master Kingston declared as he came into the room. She expected to see him with the Earl of Hertford, the cunning Edward Seymour however he was nowhere to be seen. As if he had read her thoughts he said "His Excellency" He began not afraid that the Guards could hear them, and that was because he quickly explained, they were also bought off and sworn to secrecy by him. Now Mary could see all the age on Kingston, like His Excellency he was limping but unlike Chapuys he seemed weaker but his face bore the same strictness he was known for.

In all his life he had seen men and women come and go, some with death written all over their face, but only two times he had been in the presence of two strong souls who bore no fear for death, the first had been Mademoiselle Boleyn, a fine Lady, very fine woman and very fine person she bore no fear of death whatsoever she even seemed to wish for it when many in prison were begging not to. This Lady, her antithesis was more alike to her late stepmother than she realized. Her looks now almost seemed to mirror Anne Boleyn's. The only difference however, was the Duchess' hair color. In comparison to Anne's black hair, the Duchess of Bavaria had the famous Tudor red hair, yet it was darker than her sister –the fair Lady Elizabeth.

She faced a greater hardship, the sentence of death by her father, for her sins. Unlike Mademoiselle Boleyn which many [Reformers mostly] who thought there could be the slightest chance she could be innocent, with the Duchess there was no doubt on everyone's mind that she wasn't.

"I meant nothing evil when I was forced to bring you here Madame but pretending evil does not exist around us gives it power. I have only said this phrase to another woman. I beg you to not judge me, but trust me in the message I am to deliver to you" said Kingston as he clutched on his cane tighter and walked closer to the Duchess' bed. "By whatever means" he began as he was now next to her. He didn't worry about the midwife hearing her, His Excellency had informed him that there would be nothing to worry about Mistress Esther Goya. "I wish a different fate for you and healthy life to both your children -and to their father"

Mary pressed her lips together, their father she thought grimly. This was his doing then. Esther pressed her hand on shoulder. She could feel the weight of Esther's worries as Master Kingston's as he continued "There is a boat waiting outside just as we speak it is arriving, so I will say this quick. I have been instructed by Your Majesty to inform you that you are to deliver the child as soon as it is born, since there is two this changes everything"

"What do you mean? What deal has their father made?" Mary inquired.

Master Kingston smiled grimly, this Lady was on the verge of madness yet she still bore reason like her most hated enemy Anne Boleyn.

Never had England had to brave ladies, who were sadly fated to die under the King's sword.

"Your child was to die, the babe would be whisked into his care by his servant Fleming, however seeing how you bore two, it will be more difficult to save two girls"

Mary understood. If she had borne one babe, it would all be easy, she would say there was a miscarriage, and probably she could have pulled it off saying that she on the verge of madness had burned the babe's body. It was a far cry from reason, but Master Kingston and the others had watched her rave and come to sudden fits of madness when she would burst out laughing at nothing in particular after she would finish writing.

Two babies, only one could be saved, so Master Kingston was now forcing her to decide.

She was about to say she could not, but seeing Esther, feeling her grip around her shoulder, and then her maids and finally Kingston she realized she had no choice and very little time. She had to choose now.

The second born twin who bore more Tudor resemblance, or her older twin who bore more of Chapuys? It was clear what she had to do.

"Esther take Elizabeth" She said imperiously to Esther. The midwife nodded and took the youngest fraternal twin, the babe immediately began to cry again in her arms. It would only be for a little while, Esther thought -soon child you will be back with your mama's arms.

It was the best decision Mary could have made. Her oldest daughter had too much of her biological father, if she had left this baby in the arms of her grandfather or worse, her husband, God forbid she would punished for life, Phillip would never accept her and she would be the new Elizabeth of the English Court, people would mock at her, throw insults, not even her sister would be allowed to console her.

No, it was the best decision.

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Outside Master Kingston clutching the babe whom the Tudor Bavarian Duchess called her Isabella after her grandmother, walked downstairs to where the boat had just arrived. There was Fleming and another man that Kingston knew all too well. "His Excellency" he greeted.

Chapuys took off his cloak. There were mists all around them, almost as if God had willed the heavens to deliver them from harm.

"Master Kingston I trust everything has been settled between the Duchess and yourself? I hear a miscarriage?" Said Chapuys with his cynic tone he was famous for.

Master Kingston shook his head vigorously. "I am afraid not Your Excellency, the Duchess bore twins" Chapuys raised his eye brows at this revelation, his mouth had hung open but quickly he composed himself and pressed his lips tightly together forming a thin line.

He looked at Fleming signaling him to take the child. Fleming did so and Kingston handed the child to her new wards.

Fleming handled the child with care almost as if she was his own. The boatman after the two passengers, now three with the babe, said their goodbyes to the Warden, he began to sail.

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Mary felt weaker now. She had only Elizabeth with her, Isabella was now with their father where she belonged.

How had she ended up like this?

How?

"Of what the years mean to a man and a woman" Esther said, bringing the phrase Eustace had said to Mary when they kissed. "As you know, you told me this after you confessed the nature of your second pregnancy. All the women, Your Grace if I might speak freely?"

"Can I stop you from it?" Mary said giving Esther a grim smile.

Esther smirked, given the circumstances she should chastise herself for finding humor in this situation, but she [Mary] had a way of making all her maids laugh.

"My knowledge Your Grace"

"Your knowledge of what?"

"My knowledge yes" Emphasized Esther her grin plastered as Mary's who was always amused by Esther's phrases that carried boldness "is that what you told me His Excellency told you of what the years mean to a man and a woman are very true. My daughter also named Mary was a brave girl, you always asked me how she died. She thought that she could solve the world's problems so she ran away from home, joined the Pilgrimage of Grace"

Mary's eyes went wide. Why hadn't Esther told her? Now it all made sense why Esther had reacted rather violently when Phillip had mentioned the Pilgrimage with a mocking tone.

Esther continued "My mother said that I would be punished for not having my first communion the day she wanted, alas she was wrong, it was my daughter who got punished after His Majesty's will was to set an example of Aske's and his followers. She thought that she could change the world, very much like you she was brash, and was brave like you. When I see you I remember what it was to be a mother. Everyone at Court can say that you committed sin, but out of all of them, including his Excellency, you are the only one who didn't sell her soul to the devil"

Mary looked around cautiously, her maids were bound to silence and Esther and Kingston had threatened them as bought them off with Chapuys' money [how he'd gotten money was a miracle in itself when he had declared himself near bankrupt in England, he had told Mary the expenses were too much in England to keep the lifestyle he was used to] . They would not talk like Esther and the others involved in the cover up.

"I do not know what wisdom I have. I once said that I was young and inexperienced but that I was willing to learn. I have lived, I feel a very long time, an eternity since I came to love him that is all I have to say as my last statement. I have lived longer alone than ever I was married; even when I had my mother I was raised alone. I have been motherless, lost two stepmothers, one to death for child fever, and the other because my father chose to set aside for a Howard girl, the reason why I am here."

The maids in the room, including the midwife Esther tried not to look at her in pity, but everyone knew what awaited her, especially if the Earl of Hertford was yet to come.

"Come sit" Commanded Mary. Esther did not ignore her this time and came to sit next to Mary. "I have known you since you bore your first son Phillip, you were very happy back then"

"Yes I was" said Mary with a sour tone.

"But they took your child away and you became sad, forlorn in your looks, you became bitter, you asked what you could do to have him back, we all know the story Your Grace, and then when there was nothing to do but watch how the Duke, Cranmer, and your father took over his education, how Lady Elizabeth his aunt and his step grandmother came closer to him than his own mother, you became resented for your married life so you turned to someone who could understand you. You and Phillip seemed like a great couple" She patted Mary's arm. Mary tried not to wince; the welts and scratches of yesterday were very bad today too, and she prayed no one would notice them when she stepped into the courtyard where hundreds of spectators would await her death.

"Thank you" Said Mary pulling Esther's hand closer to her shoulder where she previously had it when she gave Isabella away.

In her arms was Elizabeth now asleep.

"But I must tell you" said Esther again "That much of what you thought your happiness lied with men, had nothing to do with it, true happiness lies within you."

Mary smirked, ever the wise apparent advisor that Esther she thought.

Hours later as she played with Elizabeth making faces that made the child giggle, Master Kingston came for a second time, this time with the Earl of Hertford. This visit was the one she had been dreading for the past nine months. This was the final straw, the moment of truth when she would be advised of her death.

"Your Grace" Edward Seymour began with his cold voice. He walked to where the King's eldest and most disgraced daughter was. "Give me the child." He said, no more announcements. That was all he had come for -the child.

Mary handed her and watched the Earl take her away, surprisingly Elizabeth was calm in his arms.

Before he walked out the door she cried loud enough for everyone to hear "Her name is Elizabeth! Elizabeth!" But the Earl said nothing, he merely walked away and Master Kingston was forced to close the door behind him, once more locking the brave Duchess with her maids.

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I don't know if this will reach you, I want you to tell you that before I meet the hour of my death, that you are not a sin I regret. I have regretted many things in life but you are not one of them ...

Farewell my offspring, my daughter, take care and always remember who you are the daughter of Princess Mary Tudor, not Lady or Duchess but Princess and the descendant of Isabel and Fernando de Castilla and Aragon respectively.

~Lady Mary

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**A/N: _My bel Accident –French for My beautiful accident._**


	2. Destinies questioned

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**Disclaimer****: I don't own everything, certainly not the tudors, showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

**I leave with this story, it may turn into a short piece, I may leave it at one shot, it all depends from your reviews.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers, Humpy, ArtemisSamhain, Dani [SSLE], Marissa [BoleynGirl13] and Nor [AestheticNarcissist] you guys rock, keep reviewing and welcome to any new reviewers feel free to leave your feedback, the more the faster this story gets updated.**

**This chapter might seem somewhat dull because it is the first Chapter, we get introduced to the players and small changes that pay close attention will change the course of our characters' destinies.**

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_"Death changes people, but time in the end is the greatest killer of all and you know what?_

_What?_

_I don't need to be a greatest philosopher to know this. You just need common sense?_

_Oh really?_

_Really just look around you, if you could change one thing in your life what would it be?"_********************************************************************************

**~"Conversation of two" by Anonymous**

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**1540 January**

Her father had proposed to Mary to receive Anne of Cleves. It seemed that her father wanted his Royal Bastards to welcome the new Heretic, thought the eldest of his daughters grimly.

Elizabeth was enthusiastic to meet a new stranger, Mary reminded her that she would be no stranger; this German Royal was to be their new stepmother. For Elizabeth who had only had one stepmother this did not seem a great change in her life, the little girl was sure she could charm their new arrival with her smile, after all Queen Jane had said the biggest thing Elizabeth had to her favor was her smile. Mary said it to, so she encouraged her sister that when Anne of Cleves arrived she would show her the greatest respect and her biggest smile. Elizabeth had every intention to do so, she would show the Germans that the English were not afraid of strangers.

Mary did not share her sister's enthusiasm; she told His Excellency that she preferred not having to bow for that Heretic Flanders's woman. What was her father thinking? -she had raved to the Ambassador, was there no one else to take his hand in marriage?

"Alas the King tried everyone, including the Duchess of Milan, Marie of Guise but we all know no one would have him" Eustace continued to comment what the Duchess of Milan had said about her father's proposal, her words cut right through him said Chapuys in his usual cynicism.

_If I had two heads to give ... but alas gentlemen I only have one. _

"Is that what she said?" Mary had asked, the Ambassador had nodded. Everything went terribly wrong in all her father's plans, and apparently Cromwell's too.

After Cromwell had prepared his King to receive his new wife [that Chapuys could not help laugh after he heard, that the King had chosen her on a basis of a portrait by Master Holbein], he told her that it was imperative that she showed her face for the welcoming ceremony, as Princess and the King's eldest daughter it was her duty plus it was part of the formalities.

Royal Protocol he reminded her.

For once she would want to break Royal Protocol.

Mary took this day to be one of the worst yet to come. Another Anne in the throne of England, oh joy for England! She thought wryly.

She was going to be another heretic, another Harlot, just by the mere fact her name was Anne and that she came from Cleves where her brother the Duke of Cleves William had broken with the Pope was enough to make Mary think ill of her.

Chapuys snorted mentally -Oh, we have something better in England each Queen, each station -the cynic thought.

He looked at the Princess, Lady Mary. She wore the Tudor Colors unlike her sister, the Harlot's daughter who had French fashion and a French hood. Except for her hair he could have mistaken her for the Whore. Why his Lady trusted that child, was beyond him.

"And here I introduce you Lady Mary" The King said at last holding his future wife's hand in his.

Lady Mary came to curtsy England's future Queen. Despite what the woman was, or what she would do to England, she would be compliant with her liege's orders and show her the respect any good Queen of England ought to deserve, not that she thought she deserved it by any chance.

"And this is Lady Elizabeth my youngest daughter" Said Henry, a glee in his eyes of pride as his enthusiastic and impulsive daughter ran forward to the Lady Anne of Cleves. Unlike her sister who only showed her a deep curtsy and a barely audible greeting; Elizabeth had flowers to give to give to her future stepmother. "For our future Your Majesty" She declared showing her teeth to the young woman through her smile and giggling.

"Oh my, I am ze honored" said Anne of Cleves through a heavy accent. Lady Elizabeth the German Royal could tell had the desire to hug her, quite overcome by Anne showing her a greater greeting than her sister. But Elizabeth knew when to draw the line, she withdrew from Anne of Cleves' presence and went next to stand next to her sister, Mary.

She had not expected this, indeed had not even known of the custom. She had been shipped of to England without any knowledge of the people or how she should behave for the King of England. Her mother never spoke of her own wedding day, except to brag about the bride price that her father had received through her diary.

Anne felt like she was being sold off. Her dowry was all that mattered to the King of England and what she represented, an alliance nothing more. Then there was the pressure to bring a Duke of York, her brother had emphasized heavily on that, she was to give the King of England a second son at all costs. She was very nervous about pleasing the King. She had heard what happened to the women who did not please the King, what happened to her predecessor, her namesake, Anne Boleyn.

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After the wedding Ceremony Anne was forced to be meet the King in nothing more than a simple nightgown. She was very scared, this was nothing like Sybille and her mother related. The King showed nothing but utter disgust for her, maybe this had not been such a good idea after all.

Every woman's wedding night was supposed to be special, but she wasn't bedding the King looking for something special, she was doing it for duty for the purpose of the Alliance between England, Cleves and the Protestant Alliance in general.

She closed her eyes as the King neared her, he could feel him now next to her. Her eyes were closed shut, in one second it will start, next morning she told herself, this will all be over and you will not have to worry yourself over this plight anymore.

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_"It changes all to one thing. We often wonder why is that destiny exists? Why is it that some people are born great, and others we are born to loose? Could it be that it is all a lie? That God or the All Powerful lied to us? There is no destiny, there is no especial plan. We make our threads, we make our winners, we decide who gets to have visions of greatness, who gets to loose? Such a greatest discovery never published" ~ _**"Rebel against status quo" by Anonymous **

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**1540 January 25th**

**Greenwich**

Phillip had been invited to her cousin's wedding; unfortunately he could not make the trip due to an unfortunate delay. His brother Otto Henry had been in excruciating agony, and as custom commanded it he had to be next to his brother in case anything were to happen to him.

His brother and him shared the title of Count Palatine, unlike other Counts they had more authority acting as co rulers to Elector Palatine. Phillip had the lion's share; he had been named Duke after Alfred IV left no heirs to rule Bavaria. As the younger of the two, Otto envied Phillip.  
Phillip had medals to prove his bravery, his most known was the one awarded by the Order of the Golden Fleece after he had helped in the siege of Vienna to expel the Turks. He was a patriot, and he loved his country but alas! He had one single weakness like most of the men in his family: gambling. He had literally lost half of his fortunes inherit by his the great Albert and his own by his father when he came of age.

He was not a good Administrator and the people in England, if they did, were right to call him an opportunist. His cousin Anne wasn't just inviting him for another family visit, he was going to come to the infamous Henry VIII's Court to see if his cousin could arrange for him a marriage with the King's eldest daughter, Lady Mary Tudor.

Phillip pictured the Lady Mary, and himself performing for her offering her a dance, the same rite that other couples did to court each other. Oh, let it be so! He prayed silently as he entered the Court Room of Greenwich. As his cousin the new Consort of England had told him -it was busy with chatter and music. He looked around to see if he could spot Lady Mary. His cousin said she would be easy to recognize, and she was.

"Lady Mary" He said coming to stop her in her tracks, her four maids too.

"Yes?" she asked with very little surprise. No doubt this must the famous "cousin" that Anne of Cleves had talked to her about.

_Lady Mary, I have a cousin, hiz name iz Phillip, he haz exprezzed greatz interezst to ze yu_

_The _woman had no reason to arrange a marriage for her. Not one month had passed and she was already looking for a husband for Mary. She told her father that she expressed no interest in the Duke of Bavaria, Count Palatine or whatever his real title was, but that if that was his wish she would gladly obey for he was her master and she her loyal subject in all things. This last phrase had sealed her fate, her father had been convinced, guided by Cromwell [no doubt, she thought] that she would be wooed by the Queen's cousin.

"Allow me to be introduced I am Phillip Wittelsbach" he took Mary's hand and knelt to kiss it. "Duke of Bavaria it is a pleasure to meet you. My cousin has told me great things from you"

"I can imagine" said Mary stoutly. Indeed, what had Anne of Cleves not told her cousin? Anne behaved like many of the English Roses at Court, gossiping, speculating and anxious to see action, yet she was very shy to create her own so she relied on Lady Rochford and Lady Bryant. A terrible mistake relying on Lady Rochford, Mary thought. The woman was a spy and a former pupil of the Duke of Norfolk one of the men who had helped bring two Queens down, her mother and then her enemy the Harlot. The Queen was very naive if she believed she could find loyalty in Jane Rochford -that woman owed loyalty to nobody but herself.

"I was wondering if you would accept one dance with me" said Phillip, he had still not let go of her hand.

With a daring grin, Phillip added pulling something from his pocket, he had let go of her hand to reach for it. He extended his hand showing a small box "Would you do me the great honors?" He asked with a cocky tone.

Mary was forced to reach out and take it. Her father and the Queen were there and she could feel their gaze, including Cromwell and Cranmer's falling on her.

She brought her other hand on top of the small box and opened it. Her maids came closer to her, including Susan and could not help but gasp.

Because she had better control of her emotions, Mary did not show surprise. Her looks remained as emotionless as when she first encountered this man [who looked nothing more than a] rogue.

"Thank you" Mary said, "You spent a lot of time on the pearls and the jewels on this rosary Your Grace"

"Where is the surprise milady? I thought you would like it, I can bring you something better" Said Phillip.

Mary ignored his comment, walking past him.

Phillip sighed, his mind going around in circles. So this was the infamous daughter of Henry VIII, Mary Tudor? She was more than she seemed, far more beautiful than what his cousin described her in her letters. There was something in those eyes that could capture any man, and he had been hooked by them.

* * *

As days passed and Mary kept bumping more into the Duke of Bavaria, news began circulating around Court that the Queen was with child. This complicated things, Chapuys told her. If the Queen were to bore a son as the King, and the entire Reformist faction hoped for, it could ruin Mary's chances of being reinstated to the line of succession. Mary had tried not to imagine it, knowing that nothing could be worse if the Queen brought her father a Duke of York.

Mary hated all this talk. Again, she felt like a lamb in the market. She was being sold off to be Queen, she was being sold off to a husband who was very insistent, though she did admit somewhat charming. Her future was always talked about with the Imperial Ambassador as was with her father, she didn't like being kept in the dark, it was like everyone wanted to live their lives through her, and it angered Mary because she felt like she had no control over it anymore.

Was she ever going to have the opportunity to take command of her own life and declare "I am free at ast"? Why did she always have to let herself be controlled by everything and everyone? Suppose she didn't have to be the youngest, that she was lke Elizabeth? Would she be as manipulated or condemned to be in the shadow of England's crown? She would be cast out, rejected by all the Courtiers that had so far accepted her, if she were to be another Elizabeth.

No, it was better to be this way. There was nothing, she kept telling herself, in her life that she should regret. She was the King's eldest daughter, and as Chapuys was pointing out "That gives you better advantage than all his children. Regardless if she bears a Duke of York or not" he stopped as he locked eyes with hers, his expression completely serious and devoid of cynicism. It was vital that she understood what he was going to say now "I have been hearing from Courtiers who would favor your restitution"

Mary was glad to hear that, and that they had chosen the gardens outside Greenwich to discuss this. She didn't trust the Castle grounds, but out of all places she considered the gardens to be better avoiding unwanted attention.

"But surely Edward would be the first one to inherit the throne. Everyone knows that"

"That is so, but Queen Jane though very beloved by most, was never an anointed Queen like your mother" he began "If the Queen were to have a Duke of York it would secure the succession for male heirs, but if she were to have a daughter ...there is no doubt on everybody's minds you would be a finer candidate. I trust that when you become Queen you will restore the true faith back in England" he said with such devotion that Mary could not help but feel convinced.

Yet, she reminded him "That if God wills it."

********************************

* * *

**VainXLifePoetess: For the short chapter this is only the first chapter as you can see we see many changes. I am going with the showline as I said, so Phillip arrives after AOC weds the King, and he is Duke of Bavaria here to avoid confusion, the dates in which the real Phillip came to England were in 1539 December and he left before New Year [at Hertford, however for my storyline I placed his arrival to Greenwich instead] before an agreement could be reached with the King. **


	3. Listen to your heart

**Disclaimer****: I don't own everything, certainly not the tudors, showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

**Thanks to Dani [SSLE] and Dynel, my good friend Anna for brainstorming with me to the creation of this chapter. I decided based on brainstorming with my good friend Dynel that I would focus more on Mary's perspective and Chapuys' as they are the main characters of my fic, occasionally there will be a shift from third person POV perspective, but it will be occasionally.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers, keep reviewing keep reading, your feedback is awesome, your support is awesome.**

**Now I leave you with the next chapter.**

* * *

_"Someday I will find true love and when I do I will turn it down, because it is in my nature. I am not meant to be happy, the lines in my hand form a big M for Maturity but not an L for Love. Long life awaits me … alone"_ ~**"Unfulfilled Life" by Anonymous**

* * *

**June 10th**

It was time for summer to come. This was spring's end and the Duke of Bavaria had come and gone, yet his return was expected for June. The Queen of England would be five months nearing her third trimester. Things had changed, on one of them had been the Imperial Ambassador and the French (as well) attitudes in trying to arrange for a marriage deal with the King of England –wedding his daughter to either of their Master's choice for husband.

The proposals had not gone very well; especially with the French Ambassador –Marillac. Out of the two –he was the one who turned out more bitter.

Mary felt more and more at ease when she was with Chapuys. She even hesitantly let him know that she wasn't as bothered with her father considering Francis' proposal to marry her to the Duke of Orleans –Charles, and he seemed unbothered by this –although she had not revealed that the reason for this was that the more Marillac pressured her father –the more Anne would write to the Duke urging him to come before June. He even seemed pleased about it, finding the good in it: if the King could not accept an Imperial proposal, a French one instead was a much better bid than with the Heretic Phillip of Bavaria.

Am I to spend the rest of my life –God may I be wrong in this! – dealing with marriage proposals? She asked herself repetitively several times a day, since her father's last marriage with the Lady of Cleves. If she bore him a son it would be the end of her fight, Chapuys had said it as clear as day. She would be farther from the throne now than she was even before Edward was born. But neither did she feel a grim or a sense of failure when thinking about the gender of her unborn half sibling, nor did she long for the day when she could finally be wed to a man [a Catholic Prince more likely] befitting her station.

At the same time, she thought about family, and what happiness would it bring her and her Kingdom. She worried about all the odd things that were happening to her –these new feelings, the talks between her and the Ambassador about the future of her realm, plus the mental confusion that had to with Phillip of Bavaria.

She looked at the letters that Phillip had sent to her through Anne. She and the Queen had been on better terms since February. She had thought the Queen to be a Heretic and a scheming witch just like her predecessor, her namesake, Anne Boleyn but now she had seen that she was nothing than a sweet, well natured woman, in fact she had often reminded Mary of the late Queen –Jane Seymour.

Maybe having a half sibling by her, even if he was a boy, would not be such a bad idea after all. If she was nice and showed favor to her and especially to Elizabeth, maybe she could have one of them, or better yet, the two of them reinstated someday.

There were nights when she lay in bed, like this one, feeling an oppression in the very air of her chamber, a heaviness that had nothing to do with heat. She almost felt that she could address it, and that if she did it would answer back. As the sadness that hadn't left her every January since her mother died, ironically it was the month her father married this new _Anne_.

Anne Boleyn. -The witch that started all this misery, with her smiling face and beguiling, musical voice. Just the thought of her brought back awful memories of when she had been demoted to Lady, and then to servant in her sister's former Household at Hertfordshire –Hatfield. How the other Ladies had treated her, how Anne Boleyn had the audacity to visit her after Elizabeth's birth and ask for her loyalty, that she willing give up her claim to the throne in exchange for her father's favor.

How bold she had been, she had fought and fought and never gave up, until … they and later he came with the Oath in their hands warning her that if she didn't sign her father would lock her up, like he had done to her mother, and if she still didn't sign he would put her to death.

Death, the thought of it was enough to scare her. –That her own father could kill her.

The memories also made Mary think of all the things in her life she would give _anything_ to change and to be now, a bride.

She was twenty four, many women by now were already wives … mothers. A side of her that wanted to rise up was on par with the side that also yearned for motherhood.

She sighed. But I know they are silly worries, nothing has been signed on paper …yet. For all I know Phillip could not be the husband for me.

Susan who had entered her room, saw that something was troubling Mary and seeing the letter that no doubt belonged to Phillip of Bavaria, it had to with marriage.

"You know that staring at the fireplace will only make you blind"

"Susan? Why is it that I never hear you enter?" Mary asked her best friend who had come unannounced to her bedroom. Like always Susan's visit to her chambers were at the most unholy hours.

Susan ignored Mary's question and sat in front of her.

"Why have you come?" Mary asked annoyed.

"You know why" Susan said "For years you have hidden your feelings Mary, for many weeks now you have refused to talk about the Duke of Bavaria. Say the truth already Mary, you are obviously smitten by him enough that you are blushing."

Mary smirked. She hadn't realized she had blushed when Susan said his name.

No good opportunity had presented itself yet, she didn't want to acknowledge that she could feel something for the young Duke. Besides, his allegiances were unknown yet. Could he be Lutheran? Could be a Catholic or could he be all that Chapuys told her, an opportunist?

All the medals he had talked about in his letters to her did not matter, he was considered by Chapuys as below her, and part of her wanted to agree with her best friend and greatest ally –Ambassador Chapuys. But she did not. The other half of her that had prompted her to open the letters, always won.

It was that half that was making Mary very reluctant to tell the truth to Susan, but God did she have a way to see through Mary. It was like she knew Mary better than herself.

"Come one Mary say it, you are infatuated with this young Duke"

"Don't start Susan"

"What is the problem?" Susan asked. Her friend could tell there was one and Susan thought she knew what it was.  
"I think that you are afraid Mary" she boldly said "that you could have someone to love you. Tell me it doesn't have to do with his beliefs? That is silly Mary and you know it"

Mary shook her head. That was part of it, but not entirely.

"Is it because you are afraid to be loved then?"

"What? No! Of course not, it is not that is just … just …"

Susan interrupted impatiently "What?"

Mary had her mouth opened but no words came out. She didn't know what to say

* * *

Susan could see her best friend's mouth hanging open, no words being spoken between them for the longest time ever.

When was Mary going to realize that it did her no good to deny her heart? If only once she would push her reason aside and listen to her heart, her life would head to a much brighter path.

* * *

Seconds that seemed an eternity for the two friends, finally were cut by Mary.

"I am not afraid" -she said not fooling Susan.

"Is that your heart talking or your reason Mary?" Susan asked. There was a certain air in Mary that made Susan suspect that there was a third party involved for her way of thinking, besides her reason and her heart, and her best friend had a good idea who it was.

"Is the Ambassador isn't it?"

"What? Of course not!"

Susan rolled her eyes. "Mary you value his opinion more than anyone else's he ought to have told you something about the Duke of Bavaria." She said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"He only said what he needed to say"

"You realize that is the more poor excuse I have heard you say?"

Susan said her head tilting; she began to laugh at Mary's annoyed looks.

"Please Mary if you want to sound more convincing, do find another excuse. I don't want to seem the villain here, but I know you too well like the palm of my hand Princess. I know what goes on through that head of yours and what your heart truly feels."

Mary was taken aback after Susan finished. Her friend did know her very well. They had been friends since her younger years in Ludlow at the Welsh Marches. After her Household had been disbanded and she was forced to serve her sister at Hertfordshire they'd been separated –then when Queen Jane took the place of Anne Boleyn as her father's wife, Mary was reunited with Susan –since then they had rarely been separated.

"So is it him again?" Susan insisted.

Mary finally gave in to Susan's insistence. "Yes, since me and Ph-I mean the Duke of Bavaria have began to have correspondence His Excellency keeps telling me that he is only after my money and position. We had a big argument because of that" Mary finished.

She and Chapuys had had their disagreements in the past, but never this big.

He still needed good convincing that the young Duke was not the scheming, ambitious and opportunist that he [and many others] made him out to be. He was rather sweet when she'd met him, if anyone had been rude it had been her!

She had taken him for a Heretic, and he still might be she was still not sure where his allegiances truly lied, but she was sure that if he were to come England –just like she had changed her mind about the Queen and Phillip; he too could change his mind about Lutheranism. He seemed like a reasonable man after all.

"You are always very close to your marriage prospects. You care too much what His Majesty has to say, but after everything you have seen, you know that your father can change his mind very quickly, he could have called off this proposal yet he hasn't." Susan mentioned.

"No. Because the Queen is pregnant with his next Duke of York" Mary snapped.

"Possible Duke of York, you never know" said Susan occasionally causing Mary to frown.

How could Susan say that! That was treason if somebody were to hear them … But nobody hears us, it is just a little worry more of your paranoia, she told herself. Why don't you listen to Susan, listen to your heart for once? She suddenly asked herself. She wanted to; she pretended marriage wasn't important to her but it really was, it was on her mind constantly since Chapuys presented the offer of Dom Luiz. She would think of it every day, and Phillip's letters and love poems were not helping.

Mary refrained herself quickly and her frown disappeared as she said to Susan: "I have heard that the last soothsayer said that the Queen was carrying a son."

Susan barked in laughter. Mary was surprised how bold [and how carless] Susan could be at times. Was she not afraid that someone could hear them? That she could get in trouble? Apparently not as Susan went to say –"If it is the same Soothsayer that predicted that your sister was going to be the Prince of Wales, I would not be counting on it"

"You are going to get into deep trouble if someone hears you, the walls have ears" Mary said cautiously her eyes blazing with dismay as Susan kept laughing.

Susan's laughter finally stopped.

"Mary don't be too paranoid. We are at Hunsdon and I agree nowhere is ever safe, but if there is one place were we are more safe to speak is right here in your bedchamber. You know you may be right"

"Oh" Mary said raising an eyebrow. That was a change, Susan actually agreeing with her for once.

"And tell what am I right on?"

"About the Duke of York" Susan said. Mary saw the look on her friend's face, she mentally groaned she knew where this was going and she didn't like it.

"No Susan, no! My father has too much of my enemies that would be against this marriage. He is a Duke, a ruler Duke at that with many financial problems, but one who is too close to the Palatinate now that Chapuys tells me that his brother has no heirs, and close relatives of his [with old age and their heirs dying] Cranmer and even Cromwell would think it would give me too much power. Besides, can you think of a Catholic Princess marrying a Lutheran?" Susan groaned "Would anyone buy this farce?" Mary finished asking.

"The same thing you were saying minutes ago." Susan cried "You are becoming too repetitive Mary, in fact what are you not saying? This is the second time this week that you expressed worry about your betrothal to Phillip of Bavaria. There is something else isn't … something that you are afraid to say." She stopped seeing the frown returning to Mary's face. Mary did not want to hear what her best friend had to say but before she could rush to say something Susan beat her to it - "All your life you were raised to become the next Queen of England, you were led to believe you were unique …"

"I am unique" Cried Mary interrupting her friend Susan.

Susan ignored and continued. –" … and after all your marriage betrothals being left under the rug you feel lessened, you feel betrayed because Phillip of Bavaria no matter how much power he will acquire if he inherits his uncles' castles and titles, it will never put him up to the level of the great Catholic Princes of Europe, Princes who will inherit larger fortunes than you can ever hope"

"That is enough Susan –"

"You can't let yourself be pushed aside. Since you were a child Mary –" she sighed, frustration clear in her voice she took a one big step forward "you have been taught that duty first, feelings later. Well Mary times are changing, and I don't mean the changes of Heretics and Catholics abroad, I mean here in England. Milady if you want to be Queen, God be willing you have to adapt like the rest of us"

"I cannot" said Mary firmly.

"You will have to! Otherwise how can you be a good Queen to your subjects? To nobles and to peasants? In times of Richard the Lion Heart Kings would do as they please, but that is no longer true, now we are obliged not by Divine Right but this new current men call humanism, bah humbug I say but it is the new reality nonetheless."

Mary had never heard her friend speak with such disdain for anything other than Lutheranism, like Mary she hated Lutheran with a passion, especially after Anne Boleyn had taken her mother's place. Susan had told Mary how she bore nothing but hatred for that [as Chapuys called her] _thin old woman_ –and that she almost threw a party at her house when she learned of the Harlot's death.

Susan, her dear Susan. She was a good friend, honest and subtle yet direct with Mary, the only one so far besides Chapuys.

Mary felt she could always be honest with Susan, but this time it was different. Mary tried to keep her mind on the task at hand. But thinking was so hard of late; her mind felt like swirling mists on the river Thames. I want to see Phillip again, to tell him that I am scared, to be honest to my father and say that I do accept the betrothal _with all my heart_. I can still remember when I hid behind the curtains [how many times of that? Oh yes!] -four times and heard how his voice changed whenever he said my name. I was enchanted that first time that he said that I was the most beautiful creature [not in Christendom but on God's green earth] –she kept repeating herself as memories of Phillip's first visit kept resurfacing. I do! I do want to see him again, I must if I am to make my mind about the betrothal. She wanted to bring it out into the light at last, be done with it.

She finally expressed it to Susan realizing her friend wasn't backing down –"I wrote to him, the first time that I received his letters I was mad, I thought Chapuys might be right –he was too interested in me and it was not for the right reasons but then … things began to change" Mary's voice softened "his letters changed, his tone softened, he became less pushy, he began to talk more about himself, ask about me, my interests. I replied and he replied back, simple as that." By the time she finished there was a smile on Mary's face.

"You've fallen for him. Then it is not true what they said" Susan mumbled, she was too close to Mary that she heard her.

"What is that Susan?" Mary asked awaiting her friend's answer with a slight grin. Knowing Susan she could expect a riddle or a surprise from the mischievous smile.

Susan smirked. "That distance kills just as time. I see the opposite at work … fate is smiling at you Princess, don't pass this chance" Susan said the last sentence she said, she was serious smirk and smile gone.

Mary nodded. She had been thinking too hard on this betrothal. She was not scared, no, that was not it. In all her years only two times Mary would admit she was scared and that was with never seeing her mother again [when they had been separated] and the threat of the Duke of Norfolk and Cromwell mentioning –if she refused to sign- her father would put her to death.

She was nervous, this was not just any issue they were talking about, this was a man … a man!

Susan seeing the worry returning on Mary's dark grey pupils, put both her hands on her shoulders. "Mary nobody but you deserves happiness, don't let it go"

Mary looked into Susan's brown orbs, nodding.

"What is wrong Mary?"

"Every marriage proposal –"

"Shh –It is going to be alright" Susan said and immediately hugged her Mary.

Mary didn't know what to think. She hated appearing weak, even if it was in front of her friend. She felt confused about all these new array of emotions, she wanted to wish them away but she couldn't, her heart was finally overpowering her reason and she ceded to Susan's embrace putting her arms around Susan too.

"It is going to be alright" She heard Susan's words repeat themselves in her mind. No good opportunity had presented itself before without disappointment, this time she felt it was different. With Phillip coming by July to greet her pregnant cousin and her, she would have the opportunity to ask him what his thoughts, his real feelings were on the matter of their betrothal. If she could look into his eyes again, she could become convinced and she could finally make a decision.

Until then … she was now in Susan's arms where she felt safe.

* * *

_"As you turn to walk away I saw another look in your eye_

_even if it hurt like it did , I couldn't let this be your goodbye"_ ~**Behind Those Eyes by Three Doors Down**

* * *

The Ambassador asked his servant anything else he could tell him of Phillip, anything he could use to give the Princess reasonable doubt against her father's proposal.

The Emperor and especially Maria of Hungary had made it clear that he had to stop this at all costs, talk to his cousin, her Aunt, each said –convince her that he was nothing more than an opportunist. He had tried –it was no use. It seemed the Princess was becoming _too _smitten by the boy's letters.

Poets, he hated them all, and now the boy was using poetry to woo the Princess … disgusting. More disgusting was that his Lady was falling for it!

Fleming came into his chamber. He had called Fleming earlier to bring him ink and more water. It was June but it was too hot. He hated this climate, he hated this land and [except for one, maybe two when Fleming wasn't meddlesome] he hated its people. Why was he ever here? He kept asking himself.

"Your water and ink sir" Said Fleming with a neutral tone watching him struggle as he came to his desk and began pouring water on his empty goblet.

He began to write afterwards, but he looked up to see Fleming was still there.

"Anything else Sir?" Fleming asked with the same emotionless tone.

Chapuys mentally growled. Of all his servants did Fleming have to be the one who was the more reckless? You couldn't find good service these days, another reason to make him hate this God forsaken island!

"No Fleming you can go now" Chapuys said and Fleming left.

He began writing, first to Maria of Hungary since she [and the Emperor agreed] would be the first one to know about how everything was going. She wasn't going to be too happy like the Emperor –when she told her that no progress was being made and the King had rejected Marillac's proposal as his with Dom Luiz. Phillip of Bavaria, he mentioned as he was now halfway through the paper, had decided [apparently encouraged by Lady Mary herself] to come early on June the 24th. He would arrive to Greenwich where he would pay his respects to his pregnant cousin and to the King, he would from there argue with the Master Secretary for what –he could not tell but he could infer it all had to do with the betrothal of Lady Mary and the promise of a stronger union between England and the Protestant territories in Germany. From there he would travel to Hunsdon where he would meet with the Lady Mary and formally ask for her hand. This could only mean one thing, he finally wrote to the Queen of Hungary –that Lady Mary was going to accept his proposal.

As he finished his letter he put the pen down.

He stopped to think of all that he wrote, everything as he read the letter was in perfect detail –too perfect he noticed.

The more he looked at what he wrote, the more puzzled he became. He tried to explain it being less subjective but he couldn't, not when it concerned the Lady Mary, the only person he considered not to be tainted by the natural malice in her Country. He had to say it nonetheless.

He had tried to say this to Lady Mary, but the last time he was close they had a big argument where they nearly ended up angry at each other. Thankfully Lady Mary had accepted in the end that she had her own doubts about the marriage proposal, and also expressed that she thought it odd how Phillip was very insistent.

She is naïve; I have heard her voice many time change when the subject of marriage approaches. She believes that she is not destined for happiness but I told her no person deserves it more than her. Lady Mary has been Godmother to many children, to Jane Brandon –the Duke of Suffolk's four month granddaughter, to Mistress Susan's children, her half sibling and she has been a substitute mother for the Harlot's daughter the Lady Elizabeth against my own advice.

Chapuys was convinced there would be no better wife and mother in all Christendom than his sweet Lady. She was pious, of modest behavior and subtle like her late mother the good Queen Katherine of Aragon.

Any man she would make him happy. -Any man indeed –but not him! Not that boy, that opportunist Duke!

Chapuys wanted to see her happy but not with him, he was sure it would be the mistake of her life if she married him. She would throw her life away, her claim to the throne away, greatness away for what? -For love, good looks and a little poetry?

He shook his head. That was why he hated love, because it made people go crazy, it made them abandon their reason and become mindless slave.

No, love was a disease, one he hoped never to catch.


	4. Angel

**Disclaimer: Really? I don't own anything if I DID I would be Goddess and a millionaire by now.**

**Thanks to all who have reviewed**

**Just a small clear up from my fact vs fiction now. Marillac is mentioned here and that is because although the series depict his arrival to the English Court in 1540 he came earlier than that about 1538. Also historically Phillip Wittelsbach [there is still much debate about what his title really was, many historians don't venture much on it finding a lot of confusion in it too] was brother of Otto Henry as Dani [SSLE in Take this Waltz] points out and apparently he had no children so the title passed on to the next of kin. He was son of Rupert and his father died a year after Phillip was born. For this story his father's death will not be in 1504 but in 1514 [I decided to make Phillip only three years older than Mary, putting his birthdate around 1513] a year after his son's birth.**

**Phillip came to the English Court in December 8th, and did not see Mary until December 17th 1539, yes before Anne became Queen unlike what is shown in the series, however I decided to go with the showline time of event so to avoid confussion, but Marillac's arrival as some other historical events are kept according to history.**

**I also want to thank before we move on to my good friend Dynel who helped me with last chapter and the last part of this segment, plus Dani [SSLE] who has brainstormed with me.**

**Without further adue I leave you with the next chapter and don't forget at the end to push that button and REVIEW!**

**~Carolina**

* * *

"_Your masquerade strange as the God you worship. Don't tell me you never saw me, deep in your face I see the drone thoughts keeping you from finding happiness. You give yourself to him, and you walk away from me._

_What kind are you? Just what have you turned into?_

_I can't forget all the time that I stuck by you. I need you now but it is clear –_

_You don't need me now" ~_**Stuck with your memory by Anonymous**

* * *

**June 30****th**

**Plymouth, England**

At the end of June Phillip's boat touched English shores, they landed on Plymouth; from there he was received by Count Orliesger, the Cleves Ambassador and the Master Secretary Thomas Cromwell.

He greeted both gentlemen. They arrived to Whitehall hours later where he would meet his cousin and His Majesty for a second time … and of course with the Lady Mary.

He yearned to see her again. It seemed like an Eternity since their paths had been crossed.

* * *

**London, Whitehall**

**Court Room**

As the people came pouring in, Phillip took a seat at the front of the left table, putting him closer to where the Archbishop and the Master Secretary were seated at the High Table. The King was there at the center obviously, next to him Phillip's cousin, Anne of Cleves.

"Drink" he said, and the people raised his goblets, Phillip followed them in the same fashion, "For we have a joyous fall awaiting us with the arrival of a Duke of York!" The King roared and tipped the cup, as he lowered it did he see that everyone, including Phillip the King's cousin cheered in joy. If the Queen, his cousin brought him a boy, she would be secured and she would never have to worry about returning to Cleves to her abusive brother, or having to suffer the King's wrath. Phillip himself would not have to worry about the King dismissing his betrothal to the Lady Mary –like he had with many other suitors.

He was different, other suitors had been afraid to come to England, except her cousin at one time her second suitor, but Charles had been ambitious and double tricked him, the King of England had every reason to be wary of him.

In spite of this, the King was still considering his proposal and the union between the Wittelsbach and the Tudor House to further strengthen the alliance between England and the German States that had separated them from the Empire's rule, from Charles.

The room grew heated in spite of the open window; guests at the banquet crowded around the tables [even if there was no more room] to taste the generous fare and sample the dark red wine, the mead and of course the famous English liquor –ale, and lyres and the choir headed by the Court's musician provided joyful music and entertainment that was soon drowned out by the talking.

As Mary looked around, entering the Court Room, she realized that there were a great many people present, many whom she did not recognize. It was clear she had been absent from Court life long enough. She needed to reconnect with all the new faces.

A few were recognizable by their clothing, like the French Ambassador Marillac, she had met him only once during the Queen's arrival to English shores, they hadn't talk much other than a simple greeting to one another. She kept looking for more familiar faces, she expected to see the Imperial Ambassador, His Excellency Eustace Chapuys, but he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he felt sick? She hoped not, she cared a lot for his well being.

She kept looking as she took a seat [miraculous there were some left] at the left table along with her maids Susan and Sophie. Today two of her maids she was less closed to had been absent, Mary told them to.

As if it had been all pre ordained she heard an all familiar voice from behind.

"I never thought I was invisible milady" She turned, there was Phillip of Bavaria staring right at her, a smile on his face.

She blushed, she had never been approached with such boldness, yet with such sweetness from a man she rarely knew, except through one visit that had lasted only a day, and of course constant correspondence between them in the last five months.

"I thought you would never come milady" He said. "May I kiss your hand?" He asked shyly like before.

He didn't have to ask, it was his to take, why couldn't he understand that? But she said nothing and raised her hand; he took it and kissed it. The touch of his soft lips enchanted her, everything about him did.

"I trust you found everything alright so far?" She asked.

He nodded "I did. I have found nothing but joy in this Country. I feel like I could like this Country, its people are full of faith there is so much beauty here –but nothing compares to yours" He said.

Mary's attention now hung completely at what he'd said, she blushed once more this time more noticeable as Phillip let out a light chuckle.

"Forgive my impetuosity but if you could come to the guest room your father is letting my stay in Whitehall tonight, I have something to show you milady. It is not a gift, but a game?"

Do you like games? Francis Bryan, the King's muscle had asked her nearly the same question four years ago, she had said yes and that caused him to laugh at her. She'd said that he was only mocking her and then she left. This time, she felt it was different, Phillip wasn't doing it with the purpose of mocking her, he was doing it to get to know her better and that inspired more confidence in her.

"Sure" she said and that made him smile even more, influenced by it she smiled too.

* * *

"_There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion"_

**~Francis Bacon in Essays: Civil and Moral, "Of Beauty"**

* * *

Chapuys came to Court a late, and that was because he awoke with a worse pain in his leg. He hated that it was affecting the way he did business, in the years before Queen Jane he could move around freely without the worry of gout, now that he was getting older the gout was getting worse.

But he moved nonetheless to the Court Room, it helped that the banquet was in Whitehall were he currently was staying, otherwise it he would not have made it.

Fleming told him to be careful, that he should consider getting a cane. He barked in laughter at Fleming and told him he would never see his Master walking on a cane. Gout might slow him down, but he was still the same man as ten years ago, simple gout would not deter him from his duty to the Emperor … and to the Princess –the later he was more sure of it!

He moved quickly to the Court Room. The first people his look landed on were the King and Heretic Queen, Anne of Cleves who was heavily pregnant by now. He could tell that three or four more months give or take for the young woman to deliver. She would give birth to a Duke of York and that would secure her position, and bar the Lady Mary from the line of succession after her sick brother Prince Edward, or it would be another Princess like her predecessor, her name sake Anne Boleyn, and that would anger the King and he would begin the same process he did with the Harlot, he would divorce her … or worse –with the King of England Chapuys told himself, anything was possible. The man was capable of everything to get what he wanted.

He looked to the right side, there he found the Lady Elizabeth not surprising with Mistress Kat Ashley and walking to the High Table giving her father and stepmother a deep curtsy showing them her respects. The Queen embraced her stepdaughter and gave her a slight kiss on her brow, her father did too. It seemed like slowly the King; influenced no doubt by Cranmer and the Heretical Queen, was replacing his jewel and pearl for the Harlot's daughter.

The girl was ambitious, he could see that by the way he looked at her stepmother and then at Chapuys, a glee in her eyes as if saying she has won.

Oh no Lady Elizabeth, you have won the battle but not milady's war, you will see! Chapuys sent one look back at her.

His look then traveled left where he heard a loud giggle that could come from no one other than the Princess. There she was sitting next to the Duke of Bavaria.

So he came early, Chapuys told himself, and he does not come alone, his charm and his usual happiness were with him to enchant his sweet Lady.

His teeth clenched seeing the boy so close to his Lady, first making her laugh and then whispering something to her ear that only made her laugh. Being around many of the High Circles in England and in the Imperial Courts of Spain and Flanders, he could only imagine what a boy like him could have said to his lady.

Did she not realize she was being fooled with his the "sweet and kind" role that he was putting up for her? Nobody could be that good or that perfect.

He had seen much of the world to know better. His Lady should have more common sense than just give the best of her to him.

But he would not say anything to her about him, it was not his business to meddle with the Princess' suitors, but then he remembered the Queen of Hungary and the Emperor's last letters. They were not merely telling him, they were ordering him, pushing him to do everything possible to break that betrothal.

It was going to be near impossible, the Queen looking back at the High table –now the Lady Elizabeth was seated in between her and her the King, was five months pregnant, she was ready to enter her third trimester. And if the Lady Mary kept her infatuation with the Duke of Bavaria and Count Palatine she would be imposed [based on her growing feelings for the Duke] to ask her father's permission to marry. If the Queen [though she wasn't the love of his life but she carried his child, and that mattered to a King whose Dynasty was still questioned] maintained her healthy pregnancy, the King would grant his daughter's wish.

Seeing the Duke smile even wider, laughing at whatever joke Mary was telling him, Chapuys could tell that he was a man of the old code, he had been raised with ideals of chivalry and honor. Like any good "honorable" fellow he would ask for her hand in marriage first –and the Queen favoring such union, as did the Master Secretary and Cranmer, he would approve.

* * *

Around them as soon as the sun began to set, people began to leave. Mary and Phillip could have taken this chance to leave too but Phillip told her he wanted to dance with her first, since they hadn't the chance too, dance floor had been very crowded at the start of the banquet.

Mary accepted his invitation.

Never once did she notice the Ambassador looking attentively at her and the Duke.

While she was dancing with the Duke of Bavaria and her sister was winning back the confidence of her father and her new stepmother, never once did she took notice of Chapuys.

He realized he couldn't be in the same room anymore, it was eating him inside seeing her so happy and yet it was a paradox in itself, for he also felt some sort of relief seeing her so happy for the very first time in her life, and it killed him more to see the Lady Mary gripping the Duke's hand while they danced.

Deciding he had enough to bear, he walked away leaving the two to remain lost in each other's stare.

* * *

After the guests had all retired to their respective rooms, Mary and Phillip retired to hers.

The living room, he found it surprisingly [considering she was the eldest daughter of King Henry VIII and his supposed favorite] to be very small and humble looking. One sofa and two comfortable looking chairs and in total only three small pillows all which were on the sofas, the sofa in fact was too small that the pillows seemed to fill the space entirely. The only thing that was big enough and had great designs was the fireplace

She prepared to take her cloak; she let Phillip borrow one of hers. Even if the halls of Whitehall were deserted they had to be careful not to be seen. With cloaks the guards, if they spotted them would think they were just two more courtiers engaging in inappropriate behavior, they would let them be. It would be very different if they noticed one of those Courtiers was the King's daughter.

Even if she was a bastard Princess, she was still her father's property, and her destiny was still in his hands.

If she wanted to remain with Phillip, and vice verse, they had to show an appropriate behavior.

When she put on hers, Mary noticed Phillip hadn't put on his yet.

"Something wrong Lady Mary?" He asked her with a mischievous smile.

"Put on the cloak we don't want the guards to be suddenly crowded with guards do we?" She said adding a grin in the last part.

He smirked, through his smile he showed his perfect white teeth. She could see them better now as the candles next to him on top of the fireplace made it appear like there was a holy aura radiating from him. "Of course not milady but I think of another way to escape them more effectively"

"And that is?" Mary asked skeptic with one eye brow raised as she took one step forward.

He advanced towards her, they were centimeters apart now. The fires from her candle were the only thing illuminating them. Susan and Sophie had been dismissed even before the party ended.

"Allow me to give your present"

"Phillip" Mary started but he didn't let her finish.

"My present to you was to big enough to carry, since I met you I have not been able to think of anyone else but you. You have bewitched me and I have not seen any other creature more beautiful, more kind than yourself. You are an angel Princess."

He didn't need to say more -his lips connected with hers, it was an innocent kiss, and Mary found herself responding to it.

This was heaven, this was now. Mary felt like she could take on everything now. He didn't rush take one more step after their lips parted. It was enough for now, she was a Lady, an angel, his angel and she deserved to be treated with respect.

After their lips parted she looked somehwat sweeter-tempered than before, he thought. And then as he looked deeper into her dark grey eyes he saw somethign that for a second he could have mistake for confusion, but just as it made itself present in her eyes, it instantly disappeared the next second. The only thing left now was suprise and happiness.

He was about to say forgive me, but anticipating it Mary said "Thank you"

And before he could leave, Mary in the same fashion she had done years ago with Robert Aske, she took one earing and placed it on Phillip's hand. "It will be our promise ring" She said with a hint of amusement that he could not help but chuckle.

In return he took his family ring, "Family earloom" he said and placed it on the same hand Mary had used to place the ring in his.

Now they had each a promise, one they intended to keep.

"Mary" he said using her first name for the first time. "If you take me as your husband, if your father accepts I promise I will treassure you always"

Mary nodded "I know and so will I. We will be together, before the Queen delivers we will convince my father to approve of our union"

Her words made him happy, but it made Mary even more. For now she would have everything she dreamed of, family, heirs to give England and Bavaria and a loving husband by her side -always.

"Now it is my turn to forgive myself but you must leave, if we are to convince my father we must show ourselves with decency"

Phillip nodded smiling greater. "I agree but first." he said taking Mary's hand and kissing it. He kissed her right where she had put his ring on, in her middle finger.

He left seconds later. She looked at her ring, there was a beautiful gem in the center surrounded by the Latin inscription of "yours always".

She kept smiling, taking a deep breath she ran to her bed chamber and still in her purple gown that she had worn to the banquet, she collapsed on top of her bed not bothering to get under the bedcovers, she felt too hot and it was not the climate that made her feel this way, it was the ring on her middle finger as she still heard his words. She finally closed her eyes and slept peacefully.


	5. Deluge

**Disclaimer****: I don't own everything, certainly not the Tudors, Showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

**I just had to put this song since it fits well with Chapuys what he feels for Mary and the mistake, in his mind, that she is doing marrying Phillip.**

**Oh yes take your seat you have been formally invited to the wedding!**

**And I realize last chapter there was not reviews but I thank those that did, I hope this chapter can bring more reviews as it contains more material and a heated discussion between our protagonists!**

****Just corrected some mistakes for example the wedding takes place in Westminster I decided at the last minute between POB and Mary, sorry for the confusion**

**Main thoughts of Mary and Chapuys included here and Elizabeth Tudor's brief POV.**

* * *

"_When the light hits your eyes at night _

_You are hypnotized_

_Don't be a fool for the wolves in disguise_

_[You are not a stupid girl]_

_The grammar in your head is playing dead_

_Sugar tongue rolling of your lips, whispering:_

_[You are not a stupid girl]_

_Cause you are climbing the list_

_Pretty little …_

_Box Office hit and Miss._

_You always kiss before you're kissed._

_[You are not a stupid girl]_

_You always want to leave before you're missed_

_You're never going to be the same_

_Cause you are flirting with fame_

_In a city of angels_

_They are calling your name!_

_Only in Hollywood_

_I am sorry for all the clouds in your eyes_

_You were always were the kind to look in the rainy night_

_I think you only want what you think you can't have_

_You lie so much you believe yourself_

_Cause you climbing off the list_

_You pretty little …_

_Box office hit and Miss_

_You always kiss before you're kissed_

_[You are not a stupid girl] _

_You always want to leave before you're missed_

_You're never going to be the same_

_Cause you are flirting with fame_

_In a city of angels_

_They are calling your name!_

_Only in Hollywood _

_Yeah _

_Only in Hollywood_

_Yeah _

_Climbing off the list pretty little …_

_Box office hit and Miss_

_You always kiss before you are kissed._

_[You are not a stupid girl]_

_You always want to leave before you're missed_

_You're never going to be the same_

_Cause you are flirting with fame_

_In a city of angels_

_They are calling your name!_

_Only in Hollywood_

_You're flirting with fame in a city of angels_

_They are calling your name_

_Only in Hollywood"_

**~"Stupid Girl [Only in Hollywood]" by Saving Abel**

* * *

**1540, July 1st**

**Greenwich: Lady Mary's Chambers**

There was still a chance his Lady for him to make his Lady see reason. She was doing a big mistake wanting to wed the young Duke.

He knocked furiously at Lady Mary's door, he was answered by Susan whose green eyes bore into his ocean blue eyes.

"Your Excellency" She greeted showing a deep curtsy for the Imperial Ambassador.

Chapuys nodded "Is the Lady Mary here?" he asked with a rushed tone that took Susan by surprise. She nodded.

"Lady Mary just finished supper. Should I tell her –"

He didn't let her finish, he opened the door completely and walked past her. Despite that he felt the pain in his leg he rushed to meet the Lady Mary.

Lady Mary was surprised to see him bursting unannounced by Susan or any other of her maids into her rooms.

"Excellency I wasn't expecting you" She began with a worried tone as she saw the cold look on his eyes that she was taken aback. "Is something wrong?" She suddenly ask.

Something wrong? You are really are asking me that now Princess when you are about to throw your life away –greatness away? Something is very wrong Princess, you are flirting with the Duke of Bavaria, a man who has lost more money than gained! –he'd wanted to say.

He had been sent strict orders by the Emperor to do everything to convince his cousin no to wed the Heretic German Prince. He guaranteed nothing to the Emperor except that he would try his best, but try was not a word to be used for the man who controlled half of Europe! He needed more assurance than that, he needed to know that Chapuys would be up to the task. He had told Chapuys in his last letter, along with his daughter, that if there was one person at Earth who could convince their cousin, that was him!

He was not going to fail them this time.

But the Princess proved to be more stubborn than her liege, the King of England as he told her about the grave mistake she was about to make –"Princess you have to start questioning the Duke of Bavaria's motives to want to marry you"

Mary's eyes became wide, was he suggesting that he had other motives? Her money –well of course he had to have that motive, it was the purpose of a Royal marriage after all –the dowry, that wasn't so strange –she mentioned to Chapuys.

But that was not what he meant.

"Milady," he started again "I have reason to believe, your cousin too asks that you consider rethinking the Duke's proposal"

Mary's eyebrows were raised. How could her cousin ask her that? She was finally going to have what she wanted all along, a family, a chance to settle down and have children.

She could have had that by now if not by two years when her cousin refused to pay most of the dowry. Twenty Thousand ducats, she meant it when she said to Chapuys that even merchant's daughters received more than a fourth of their father's income in two years. Why couldn't the Emperor make a better effort and pay the rest of her dowry –if he had England and the Empire would not have been on such bad loose ties, for one Chapuys would never have been forced to leave –and they would not been having this discussion!

"If the Emperor wants me to reconsider then he can also reconsider Dom Luis of Portugal. Three years since you told of me of him Your Excellency and I am still waiting" She announced.

Chapuys sighed. This was not the time for his Lady to be stubborn! This was her future, only she could restore England to its rightful Church, if she married a Lutheran all hopes of that happening would be lost.

"This is not about what the Emperor can bring to you milady but what you can bring to England. I have mentioned that I have spoken to many High Courtiers who think that you still could have a chance if the Queen were to bear His Majesty a daughter like her first namesake …" he said being sly " … of becoming Queen. Your brother is a very sick boy, and his health is not getting any better, he may not live to adulthood. You as the oldest daughter would be the next in line for the throne of England and it only makes sense that you be since your mother was an anointed Queen of England while the Prince though a boy, was not"

"Excellency!" Mary exclaimed surprised. How could he bring that up, Edward and the late Jane Seymour into the conversation? He was crossing a line, she thought, he was not supposed to cross. He knew better than to bring that subject up again. "I have given you more liberty to speak your mind than my own father or my maids for that matter! What makes you think you can barge in here unannounced and speak against my decision to marry the Duke of Bavaria! He will make a fine husband, he is –"

"Not fitting for you! Think milady why has he been so insistent? It is not your dowry he wants, he wants to stay here otherwise why prolong his visit, why insist to come here on person why so desperate to reach you? An honorable fellow waits until the King's approval to wed his daughter –the Duke of Bavaria and Count Palatine has done more than just barge into your Father's Court. He has acted more on self interest, it is all an act milady, he is no different than any other Courtier that passed in your Father's Court" He cried with a harsh tone. He hated doing this to her, shattering her dreams but he had to. Any means possible his Master had said, but he had his own motives not to see her wed to the opportunist Heretic, whom in his mind was too below her.

"So I continue to wait then?" She said softly but her eyes betrayed that softness as they hardened at the Ambassador.

"I told you the Emperor will provide, once your father sees the light and he agrees to Dom Luiz …"

Mary cut him of with an even colder tone. "And by then my father's leg will be beyond repair to make anymore babies, and I will be an old maid with more ailments that I will be of no desire to any other man. No Your Excellency I am not meant for happiness as long as I continue to listen to your advice"

"My advice has kept you alive!" He reminded her.

"And a single Lady. Maybe that is what the Emperor wants of me, to have a single maid, a puppet!"

"Your cousin cares more about your welfare than you will know!"

"Then why refuse to pay the rest my father's dowry when he said he had every intention to marry me, he married my other cousin instead? He couldn't wait for a four year old to reach the age of twelve I see –and then with Dom Luis well that was another disappointment, he didn't want to pay all my dowry. Disappointment after disappointment! I am sick of it!" She spat.

"Understand that you are not the Emperor's subject you never were, the Emperor has his own problems with the Turks and keeping the Spanish Netherlands away from that Heretic's influence. You marrying one of his enemies is no help at all to his cause" He said his voice low and guarded, yet cold as Mary's.

"Then I am very sorry, but as you said I am not his subject why should I worry anymore what he approves of me?" She said coyly

Chapuys wanted to march up to the Princess and scream at her that it wasn't what he meant! Why was it so hard for her to understand that she was giving it all up –for love! The biggest jest of all!

The Princess continued "The Emperor is the head of the Tratasmara and the Hapsburg family, I am a Tudor, the head of my family is my father but I will always have a special place in my heart for my cousin, nothing would cause me greater happiness to heart that he approves, but if he does not forgive or accept my decision then I will not lament it. I am the daughter of the rightful Queen in England, the only anointed Queen so far, but if you want me to ascend to the throne as is your ambition, I will not do it alone –I will need heirs, my father's Dynasty is still under question after all Excellency" She finished.

Chapuys nodded at her last comment. She was right there –the Tudor Dynasty was still relatively new and was much in question by the other ruling Dynasties in Europe, even the Heretic Rulers had their questions regarding its validity.

_I have underestimated how far she is willing to spend fighting for this boy. _Chapuys thought. _I failed my Master … and I failed her to convince her that this will be the mistake of her life!_

"You're sure you will find everything you need from him? A poor man with nothing to give but _love_ and_ fidelity_" he asked sarcastic.

"Yes" Mary said forcefully, clenching her teeth she also formed fists and she could feel her nails digging through the skin walls of her palms.

Chapuys saw this and then looked up at her to say "And what do you think your children will be as rulers of Bavaria and England?" He said in a demanding tone. "A male heir to the throne of England and to Bavaria and co ruler to the Palatinate -will he bring the territories back to the Roman Catholic church?" He asked being skeptic.

"Of course" she said quickly, too quickly Chapuys noticed.

"And for that he will have to be taught in our ways, ways of the truth, such a terrible time for you to teach them when all around you Heretics and Catholics are being burned"

"Truth is the daughter of Time Excellency!" She snapped harshly sounding more determined yet her eyes still held more insecurity.

"And would you teach him or her, them? When you are going to be very busy giving the Duke children, who will teach them-"

"I will –"

She didn't get finish as Chapuys interrupted her again with a rushed tone that also carried venom as he said the Duke's name –"Phillip of Bavaria will choose his tutors, including if sources are right and he chooses his friends correctly which in your father's Court happens to be the Heretics. An opportunist he will play the game better than yourself. No Princess your children will be Heretics!"

"That is enough!" She yelled coming closer to Chapuys now they were only centimeters apart. "I have given you freedom" she repeated "more than any other, but you are never to speak to me like that understood?"

"Understood" He said but that did not deter him from where he stood with Phillip of Bavaria, he had to say something else, something that he hope would leave his Lady thinking better about her intended marriage with the Duke.

"In a Country where everything is possible, we all have to take sides, and sacrifices" he said carefully and slowly "you will have to take one too. Will you be the woman, independent and brave to bring your Country back to the True Faith, or will you fall prey to the same disease that took three women's lives. Greatness without sacrifice is not possible, you can't have two masters. You can't serve Phillip and God at the same time!" He cried wanting to add more but seeing the look on her face made him stop at once.

She was tired, he could see that. Since she was four she was presented betrothal after betrothal … she got nothing in the end. Here she was twenty years later after her first betrothal to the Dauphin of France unwed. The Duke of Bavaria could very well be her last opportunity of a marriage.

It was a sacrifice she would have to make, duty to her father or to God. Whatever it was that mattered more to her, one thing was certain -she had to choose now.

And that is what she did, "The wedding will be scheduled in less than a month if my father agrees to it. That is a certainty my cousin and my niece the Queen of Hungary can't debate him on. I will be married Excellency, and I hope that the Emperor and my niece can put their differences aside for my happiness" she chose Phillip of Bavaria

* * *

"_Why do we walk away thinking it is the only way to solve our problems? Do we really think is that easy? Are we that naive? A Prince coming to our rescue in his white horse? Give me a break, please! It can never happen in real life!_

_Why not?_

_Because real life is too complicated._

_Why? It doesn't have to be –it can all be sweet filled with cookies and cream. Mmm… cookies and cream._

_You are delusional_

_Is everything that has to do with happiness delusional?_

_Yes. Nothing is perfect, happiness is an illusion"_

**~"Two on Love" by Carolina Casas (2nd Grade 1996)**

* * *

**Westminster: Wedding Ceremony**

**July 17****th**

He found the happiness he'd witnessed to Lady Mary to be intoxicating. The next day everyone at Court had known about the Duke and his Lady. Early in the morning they'd both been summoned by the King of England at a very unholy hour.

Raphael's contacts, also servants said that they'd barely been presentable to their King. Phillip of Bavaria not even wore a hate and his doublet was all messed up, if he didn't know better Raphael was implying that he had worn it backwards!

That was the husband his Lady had picked then! An insistent yet clueless boy!

Lady Mary Raphael said, according to what the servants told him was no better. She wore a simple pale green gown, the same she'd outgrown three years ago when he'd presented to her the prospect of marriage to Dom Luis of Portugal. Back then he had not cared for her prospects, and he felt no sadness when she turned down the offer –she said it was to avoid her father's wrath, if one thing she cared more than her own happiness and God, was her pleasing her father.

Those had been simpler days. Queen Jane had been alive, she [his Lady] had been happy [and also] less desperate for a marriage proposal. But she'd only been twenty one at the time she probably thought that she had enough time -until her father would approve of a suitor for her.

The Princess was acting –to his surprise- like a love sick puppy throwing herself at the first man that came her way. This was not his Princess; his Princess would think things more clearly. What was going on?

Raphael had finished the tale the English servants told him, with the Princess Mary asking, nearly pleading to her father to let her marry Phillip of Bavaria. The King had pondered going deep in thought. Chapuys could imagine His Majesty now.

He secluded himself, probably talked this over with Cromwell and then with his Queen. Would he really want his daughter to be married? She was a Catholic Princess, but Cromwell and the Queen must have emphasized that Phillip would show no loyalty to the Pope, only to Henry –And the King must have talked to the boy in private, as the boy had with his cousin. He must have seen the honest smile, the naïve look on his face, no ambition no desire to take England. He must have reasoned that what better to strengthen the German Alliance than to offer his jewel to a Heretic Prince of the strong Wittelsbach family.

He, of course would always be wary of his daughter, his jewel and his enemy at the same time, but he had agreed nonetheless to the betrothal. And so they were scheduled to marry, helped in parts by the Queen, the wedding ceremony that would further unite Germany and England would be in a week.

After he dismissed Raphael, Chapuys went deeper in thought. He could anticipate the Emperor's and his daughter's wrath by now. They would not like this alliance at all, a Catholic Princess, a Tratasmara, a granddaughter of the great Catholics Kings, of Isabel marrying a Heretic! They would see this as his failure; if he only tried harder for the betrothal of Lady Mary and the Portugal Prince … he could almost hear it now from Maria of Hungary angry letter!

He would write to them nonetheless telling them he had done everything, throwing more excuses at their feet. No matter how angry they might be, they would still ask him to remain in England because he knew better of the Court's machinations than anyone else.

When he'd received a reply a week later the Emperor as he predicted along with his daughter, Mary of Hungary, had not been happy, they had thrown a fit of rage, especially his daughter –however Mary in the end took the last page of her letter to tell him that he would attend the wedding and report everything, regarding the ceremony, the banquet and the relation of the newly weds.

Chapuys could not have been given a worse punishment. He was forced to go on orders from Mary and his Master, he was torn between duty and by this new feeling that he wasn't sure he was feeling, or was it his mind playing tricks on him? Whether frustration, anger or jealousy he attended the wedding, and he seated at the front of the Church in Whitehall where he witnessed the Heretic Cranmer perform the service in English.

Perfidy!

Curse the Country she was born into, and curse her father and all his subjects!

Only in England he thought sourly as he paid better attention to what his Lady was wearing.

A beautiful purple gown that he would never forget for it made her radiate her perfect figure. It was tight around her waist, if she was thinner once, this made her look even more.

Among the jewels she had on, one that stood out above the rest was the jewel at the front of her dress, just below her chest. It had been a gift from Phillip of Bavaria. He had told her how much he wanted to honor her, and what better way than to give her a pendant of her mother's symbol the pomegranate, which was also a symbol of fertility.

Unlike her mother's badge however, the pendant in her dress had at the center of the fruit the Latin inscription _VERITAS _which meant truth

Truth and fertility, synonyms of fidelity and many children, that was expected of her to bring to the Tudor Dynasty and the Wittelsbach for Bavaria.

The boy knew how to win his Lady's heart alright.

He had seen him in Court many times after his arrival. He was a man of short words, when he talked it was only for a while but many Ladies at Court found his smile to be contagious.

She had flowers on every part of her hair –it was loose a sign of her virginity.

The Duke was dressed with a white suit that reminded Chapuys of the King's attire when he married Jane Seymour. He had a hat, Spanish style with a golden feather.

Years later Chapuys would come to regret this day, not because it had been the second worst time of his life, but because his curse at England had also been cursed his Lady –who as Cranmer pronounced the words "I now declare you husband and wife" became the new Duchess of Bavaria.

His look became downcast as he refused to look at the new Duchess and her husband.

* * *

They were all calling her name. People were honouring her, she was styled as Duchess now, it would take some time to get used to her new title, but clearly her own people hadn't had much trouble, especially her sister Elizabeth who had been Godmother in her wedding.  
The younger Tudor had been very excited to be part of a wedding ceremony, and to have such a High Position. For once she had been ahead of other ladies, except her sister, before her father's eyes.

She like other of Mary's bride's maids wore a simple white gown and large french, almost halo like, of gold and white colors.

Her father and the Queen had said Elizabeth looked like an angel, and she considered she did. Even her own sister agreed. But this wasn't Elizabeth's day, she was reminded as she kept hearing people calling on Mary's name saying they had seen no more happier bride. Beauty that she irradiated, people said came from the smile she bestowed on her father's subjects.

Elizabeth couldn't help but be a little too envious, but her envy was gone when she saw the smile on the Duke of Bavaria's face. People were right to think it was contagious. Her sister had been bitten by the love bug, and she now felt like a Queen even if she was only a Duchess.

* * *

_A Duchess_, Mary thought, _a Duchess and the King's eldest daughter_, _his jewel_. No matter how much she loved Phillip, she would always feel she needed his love to be at ease. Her father was an important part of her life. If it hadn't been for him and her new stepmother she and Phillip would never have been. She was grateful for letting her have this independence.

Music interrupted her thoughts. There were French tunes being played, for obvious reasons she wasn't too fond of, but soon those tunes dies and more familiar tunes like English began to play and she felt more relieved with those, so did Phillip it seemed as he leaned back against his chair.

_Only in England_, she mused _can you have these exquisite banquets!_

The walls of Whitehall Court Room were perfect for the wedding celebration. They were grand enough to make Mary feel that her wedding had been to someone of high status. It made Phillip feel important too, but he had shaken those thoughts away easily when he turned to look at Mary, unlike her whom still cared more about the high status that the ceremony made her feel. There were a few statues that were polished and cleaned beforehand to be ready for the celebration.

There was also food everywhere. Bowls of fruit, sweet, pastries and cakes of all kind in the High table, but it didn't stop there, below on the tables many sat on there were great jars of red wine and the tables were also rich with meat and mead. Her personal favorite pork was served to them, she didn't mind the great amount that was presented to them. She had told Phillip that no matter how much she ate -she never seemed to gain weight. People always criticized her for it so when she was young -she'd also told Phillip- she had tried to swallow as much air as she could to gain on weight but nothing worked!  
Phillip could not help but laugh at her tales. They were all true, she said annoyed. To calm her down he said he believed her. His voice was full of security that she wished she could borrow.

The only thing Phillip could do when Mary's doubtful about something was show him a smile and wild grin, and that was enough to take those doubts away from her mind.

When she'd first met Phillip she had been surprised by the level of confidence that irradiated from him, yet he was so shy. It confused her, how could a person be so sure of himself, and yet be so shy and timid in public. But it was that quality that attracted her to Phillip. He made her happy, he made her laugh and most importantly he gave her a future. Now there was no doubt in her mind, absolutely that she would never wish for anything more other than the throne of England of course.

Still, the throne did not seem as important now as was her husband and what he could bring her, family and children. Just the thought of being a mother … gave Mary a sense of bliss.

"May I take this dance?" Phillips murmured to his wife, the new Duchess.

"Of course" said Mary sweetly.

He took her hand, everything about Phillip was contagious, his smile, his happiness. They danced for the longest time.

The crowds around them parted leaving the married couple to steal the show. Everyone after the music ended clapped hard for their Princess and their new Foreign Prince.

King Henry and the Queen raised their cups "For the Duke and the Duchess" He declared.

"The Duke and the Duchess" everyone repeated bringing the liquor to their lips.

Mary and Phillip went to sit at the High Table were Elizabeth, Mary's younger sister sat in between them. Elizabeth said she would not have it other way, and while to other men they would have been bothered by the younger girl's impetuosity, Phillip was not. He found her behavior amusing. Mary could tell already by their exchanged smiles they would be great friends.

"What are you going to name your first children?" Elizabeth suddenly asked.

Phillip chuckled "It is a little too early to be thinking about that isn't it young Princess?"

Elizabeth giggled. Mary could tell she liked being called Princess and the sign of affection she was receiving by her brother in law.

Elizabeth who opened her mouth after her giggles died down, to speak didn't have the chance to voice her opinion as Mary beat her to it.

"I think Elizabeth is right Phillip. We could bring more heirs to the Tudor Dynasty and your family" She declared.

Phillip nodded but in his eyes she found the look of disapproval, but thankfully it disappeared as Elizabeth piped up "Mary is right papa needs more heirs, enough is never enough"

Phillip found himself defeated by the two sisters, they sure had one temper that he would find later was impossible to beat.

"Well if our Ladies want me to produce a heir, then the best I can do is deliver" He said.

Mary liked the way he said it, jokingly and yet confident that he could bring her what she most desired –a child.

"So what will the name be?" Elizabeth pressed.

Now it was Mary's turn to laugh, her sister was very hyperactive, it was probably the result of so many sweets, peaches, apples and other fruits.

Phillip answered Elizabeth with a reassuring smile as he took his wife's hand across his table to show their everlasting union. "We don't know yet, but when we have our son or daughter you will be the first one to know"

Elizabeth was content with that, being the hyperactive pre teen she was, she stood from her chair and ran to the dance floor where she met with her cousin, the Earl of Surrey, Henry Howard whom their father called "the proudest boy in all of England" and began to dance at the beat of the music.

Mary found it odd that the Earl of Surrey was here. She thought all the Howards had been dismissed from Court after … Anne Boleyn –her mind reminded her.

As if Phillip had been reading her thoughts he said "The Howards have returned ever since they brought their new niece to be my cousin's new Lady In Waiting"

"And who is that?" Asked Mary astounded, she touched Phillip's family heirloom feeling a sense of déjà vu as he told her all about this new niece –her name Kitty Howard and how she was becoming very close to the King.

Mary didn't like that, another Howard close to her father and Lady In Waiting to Anne of Cleves –that only could mean trouble ahead for Anne.

Phillip seeing the worry on her eyes, moved to sit where Elizabeth had formerly sat and patted her on the back. "Mary it is alright. I am sure it is just an infatuation"

Mary shook her head vigorously. Phillip was very naïve to think her father could only be infatuated with this Howard girl. He was not there when Anne Boleyn caught her father by surprise. Seven years he had courted her, seven years he had abstained from other women just to get her. What was her father not capable of for a Howard girl?

"Sweetheart this is your day, it is no time to be tense" He said.

Mary agreed, but she could not help it. From now on she would keep her senses on alert for this Kitty Howard. She should dare not come in between a sweet woman like Anne and her own marriage. She prayed that God would give England another son, only then would father lose interest in Kitty Howard, and only then could Mary's union with Phillip be safe. The only other way they could be safe was for them to produce a child –she mentally added on her list of miracles she asked to God, a child to fill her empty womb.

But Phillip's hand landing on top of hers made her fears disappear.

It will be alright, his chocolate eyes told her as they stared at her ocean blue eyes.

* * *

Several other people, guests at the wedding Ceremony, watched the interaction between their Princess and the German Prince. They had good chemistry they all said, and Chapuys who was among the crowds did not deny this.

His mind however was not convinced, it would never be at this impetuous boy good looks and smile.

Was this the cunning, and intelligent, well read Mary Tudor he witnessed? So easy she had been swayed by his good looks that she believed his act of the good and honest husband?

Nobody was that perfect, much less a boy who had squandered all of his father's money, the pension he would receive from his cousin and her husband would no doubt be a generous one, and if he managed to get the Duchess impregnated before the year's end it would only increase his fortunes.

If he were his Lady he would watch that dowry and not hand over the Administrative duties to her husband.

_Good smile, good looks that is all Phillip of Bavaria is, another pretty face, _Chapuys thought -_much less that what she deserves._

If the King would not have been so sober to envy his daughter's betrothal, she would have been married to Dom Luis by now and a finer match would that be than with a mere Duke!

* * *

After the banquet was finished, they walked straight to her chambers –now his too. Her maids helped her undress. She was now in a simple white nightgown, her head more loose.

Phillip came in later, he dismissed her maids, Susan before she left winked at her Mistress, Mary could not help but smirk and playfully say in a low voice "Go"

Phillip was there in a simple nightgown that reached his toes. Mary could not help but laugh at how silly they both looked, but this was a serious matter her mind kept reminding her. This was the day she finally became a woman.

At last they would be alone, out of sight, rather.

When the lights of the candles that hit their faces were turned off, Phillip made the first move reaching up to touch her hair completely loose. "I will honor you forever" He vowed.

She shut her eyes for a moment not knowing what to say or do, and then she glanced back at where the candles were. Their light were turned off, and she felt helpless in the darkness what was she supposed to do next?

What seemed the only thing to answer, she said "And I you, with my life"

Her first experience she never expected it to feel this … awkward. She had expected to feel the sensation of fireworks and the spark of life when Phillip and she came to lie on the bed, but the only thing that she felt when Phillip released her.

"You are so beautiful" he murmured before he kissed her again, and she kissed him back.

She thought she'd had a rough idea of what it meant to consummate the marriage with the person you loved, to have that person enter you … deflower you. It was not the experience of having his manhood inside her that was bothering her, it was that it hurt and that she would have the stain of blood there next to her on their sheets the next morning to remind her of it.

But she did not refuse to let go of him when he kept thrusting, he felt he had a duty to fulfill –she had expressed how much she wanted children –but in this moment it was not what was passing to her mind, she only wanted to feel Phillip's presence, his love inside her.

Since she had trusted him so much, it had not been difficult for them to become man and wife, but she could not help but feel that something had been missing in their first moment together –her first time ever with a man.

_Stop your worries, you should not be thinking this. It was only your first night, there will be many others to succeed this!_  
There was no doubt in her mind that her conscience spoke the truth. This was only her first night, it was only natural that she felt scared, and scarred but there would be many other nights.  
Phillip's hairs was as messy as hers. She couldn't help but a ran a hand through his hair but the moment she did, he had stirred away.  
She shrugged and turned to the opposite side her back now turned to him.

_This is life._ She glanced back at Phillip who pulled the covers near him. He seemed to shiver still and he pulled himself closer to her as if her presence was the only thing that could warm not only his heart, but his whole being.

Yet Mary could not help but feel that something –as she woke up the next morning- had been missing from _that night_.

Everything had been done out of love and perfection, and yet … _something -_she thought- _was missing, even now_.

* * *

**A/N: Just to add some things: What Mary mentions to Chapuys in the first part of this chapter about the dowry and the matter linked to it of the Emperor giving her only twenty thousand ducats to betroth her to Dom Luis, that is actually true, the conversation she tells Chapuys did happen in the summer of 1538. However it played on differently. Let me explain Cromwell ordered Mary to reclaim to the Ambassador why was it the Emperor was not giving her more and Mary did as she was told by Cromwell, witnesses later would report that it was all an act to appear that she was angry at the Ambassador, but in reality she wasn't as she later told him that she understood why her cousin was hesitant to pay the full dowry.**

***The wedding part was difficult and especially the consummation.**

***Brainstorming with Dani [SSLE] I came to the conclusion that no matter how much Phillips is infatuated with Mary and vice-verse the fact of the matter is he would see the consummation as nothing more than an act to bring babies, heirs to her Dynasty and his more than an act of love.**

***Don't forget now to**

**REVIEW!**


	6. The Good, the bad and the ugly news

**Disclaimer: I don't own everything, certainly not the Tudors, Showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

**I understand it has been about a week since I have updated but been going through some stuff, but as I promised that some time this week I would update here it is:**

**Thanks to all my readers & reviewrs you guys rock! I hope this chapter can bring more reviews as it contains more material and a heated discussion between our protagonists!**

****Just as a reminder, last chapter I decided the wedding was to be at Westminster, so I corrected that mistake already, this will deal a lot with Mary's POV and Chapuys, their perspective will be from third person and it will switch on constantly, but no need to worry for it will be separated by line, so enjoy the chapter! **

* * *

"_It is very easy to convince yourself that you are in love with someone when you think that he or she is your last hope. Love is very complicated, is a dangerous and wonderful feeling that cannot be meassured. When love happens you don't ask for it, it just happens. The worst mistake you can make besides turning your love to obssesion, is convincing yourself that the person you chose is your love. You can con everyone, including that person but you can never con yourself."_

**~"Angst" by Anonymous**

* * *

**~o~**

**1540, July 18th**

**Duke and Duchess of Bavaria's Chambers:**

In the early years of her life she'd had been pushed and used as a tool to forge alliances, but in the end her father had always broken the betrothals because, as much as he wanted alliances to strengthen his Country, like the rest -it seems- of the English he was arrogant and thought that England could do well without any foreign power's help. So her betrothals were always broken.

For years Mary had thought she would be destined to be just that -a tool for her father to use and when she would not longer be of use to him, he would toss her aside and then move to Elizabeth. But, her mind always made her doubt that he would use Elizabeth because she was younger than her and she would never have to see the machinations of her father use her and later disappoint her.  
She would never have to go through that, though Elizabeth was too young she was smart yet her young age saved her from being used ... unlike Mary.

It wasn't that Mary regretted most of her decissions, she regretted her father's decissions not to have her married to some high ranking Prince of Catholic Europe. If only her father had not angered the Emperor she would have been Empress by now, if only her mother had not fought so hard to convince her father to break the betrothal with the Dauphin, she would be the Dauphin's bride by now. And if only her own cousin not angered her father, she would have been Dona Maria de Portugal wife of Dom Luiz of Portugal who was very close to the Portuguese throne.

If only so many what ifs her future would have been brighter, she would not have had to spend four years of soul searching and having to struggle through her father's machinations, and above all she would not have had to struggle with Cromwell who was always watching her back -she suspected thanks to most of the servants at Hundson who had either been paid or been his spies since the beginning.

Her father's madness she believed had been brought by that awful man.

Two years ago she remembered a tiltyard being built on Whitehall. It was used to punish those who angered her father, or his noble subjects. One person there had been hanged; others had been racked to death for petty crimes that went from stealing small purses from their masters to the absurd of running away with their master's toothpicks. Nobles for the first time got to tremble at the King's wrath too, for one Courtier of higher rank exactly two years ago she remembered had gone into an open dispute with another member of higher birth. The King had sentenced him for the offense he had done the higher noble to give up not only the coins he had taken from his "victim" but also to give up his hand. Not only the executioner was busy these days, also the cooks were busy at Whitehall sharpening their knives for their victims' hands.

It was sickening, but that was her father. And yet she always had fought hard to let go of these memories, and when she thought she could give up there was always him, the Ambassador to tell her not to, to never surrender to her emotions. He was always there for her, and the last thing she had said to him was that he was an opportunist; she had accused him of being ungrateful like her cousin.

She hadn't taken it much importance then, but now as she reminiscences back to that time, she had hurt him, not only his pride but something else she wasn't sure exactly what it was, but the hurt look on his eyes replaced by the cold stares he had given her at her wedding with Phillip was enough to make her think now.

Phillip she noticed was a heavy sleeper; the sun had risen on England and set its rays through their window.

All the covers they had on them had not been enough to keep them from the sun hitting them. Mary thought she was imagining things, but when the light hit them, the only one whose the light seemed to focus its shine was on her rather than Phillip. There was no halo on him, or light in his lips. He was touched only by shadows.

Six more minutes passed that for Mary were like six years. She waited for Phillip to wake up. She was at the right side of the bed and he at the left, he slept peacefully and there was still that goofy smile on his lips. He had no worries and no regrets, how she wished she could live like him without worries.

She leaned forward and kissed his lips. He stirred at the kiss and turned away from her, he had rolled back as she had when she had woken up.  
His back was now on her face. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Everything had to be perfect ... everything was perfect -she kept saying to herself repetitively.

Nothing changed as the minutes passed and Phillip was still asleep, she suspected the goofy smile was still on his face. She didn't know how long it passed since she had opened her eyes, but since Phillip had rolled on his back she had counted all the little cracks on their bedchamber ceiling.

Their bed chamber, how good it sounded, not hers anymore but theirs. Theirs, finally she had somebody to share the rest of her life with.

She sighed and began to think back to Chapuys. Why did they have to fight, and most importantly why did he have to fight so hard against this wedding? Chapuys had never intervened with such passion and determination for a betrothal before. But she guessed it was only naturall since Phillip had Lutheran sympathies and her cousin would not look too keenly on that.

As Phillip finally woke up and looked at Mary with loving eyes, she thought that if she had changed her mind very easily to Phillip, if given the chance that Chapuys could get to know him better, her cousin would not be objective anymore to him, and if that were not to happen ... then she would have no choice but choose her husband instead. She had not lied to Chapuys when she told him she appreciated her cousin, he was second in her heart after her father, but she was a married woman now and Chapuys as her cousin the Emperor had to accept that he wasn't head of her family, her father was and she belonged now to Phillip.

Phillip's eyes lit up as he saw Mary's dark blue eyes. They were grey -he had to remind himself but it didn't matter as he touched Mary's cheek.

"What is it? Do I have something on my face" Mary asked him seriously seeing the smirk on his face.

"No, I am just amazed to have woken up with the most beautiful Princess in all the world"

She giggled. "You mean in all of Christendom"

"No I mean all the world Mary" He cried and his lips soon touched hers.

After they parted he smiled once more and she couldn't help but feel his smile contagious. She responded him with another kiss [ but on his cheek] that he also returned.

They dressed up quickly for breakfast. Their first morning together as man and wife, she couldn't have been more happy and so was Phillip who still wore the same contagious grin and occasionally smiled when she looked up to meet his dark emerald eyes.

There was something strange in those eyes, they were not mysterious or undecipherable like the Ambassador, yet they were not the same she had looked on yesterday when they'd consummated their union.

She told herself she was being silly again, this was ridiculous why should she even be worried about what the Ambassador had said or how he stared at her in disapproval. He was only shaken because he had lost a potential ally for his Master, and her cousin just had to accept the inevitable that she was the Duchess of Bavarian and Countess Palatine now and soon she would give the Tudor and Wittelsbach Dynasties more male heirs -she hoped.

* * *

**Ambassador's Chambers**

Today he woke up. A barren life he thought as he reminiscences back at everything that had happened since he had met the Princess, exactly seven years ago.

_Oh no Duchess now Chapuys don't forget, _he told himself being sarcastic again. _I was not in the mood for Court right now, in fact I was not in the mood for anything!_

She had danced with Duke yesterday all night and they had seem happy, very happy. She had only ackknowledged his presence twice, first at the wedding when she returned his cold stare and second at the Wedding banquet at Whitehall when she had begun to dance with the Duke, that time she hadn't returned his cold and uncaring stare, instead she had smiled sardonically at him like she had been mocking him reminding him of who he was and who she was.  
Who he was ... a high ranking Ambassador but a commoner with no Royal blood flowing in his veins. He was very below her, and below every one of the guests at her wedding.  
She was teasing him, and worst was she loved it because this -he suspected- was a revenge for having opposed her marriage to the Duke of Bavaria.

Well, he should not worry about that marriage anymore, it was done and consummated. Just the thought of her having consummated her marriage with that boy -that opportunist made him turn scarlet red with anger. He felt frustrated remembering her sardonic smile.

_You are pathetic Eustace_ his mind screamed. _You want what you cannot have, you think she could ever look your way without laughing at your pathetic stare. She has learned to play the game better than you taught her, you became the fool Eustace. You have coned so many people in the past including her, that now your own game has coned you!_

_"No!"_ he mentally cried back at his conscience. He had not fooled himself, that was impossible.

Eustace was a man trained to hide emotion, to show coldness before any other feeling. He acted on reason not on feelings! How then did his mind claimed he had fallen victim to his feelings?

No, he was going crazy, this was all because he felt he had failed himself and his Master. His Master would be more angry however if he'd found out that his cousin was soon to be pregnant.

Oh! he thought, his Princess and the Duke having children, that would surely set his Master off. He could imagine his anger now, the first to blame would be him for not having convinced her not to marry that Heretic.

To get back what he'd lost, he would return to his duties. Today however he would rest as he felt the pain in his leg increase.

He sat up in his bed. He was in his chemise; he had not taken his boots and the lower half of his clothes. Yesterday he had barged into his room tired and filled with nothing but hatred in his heart for the Duke of Bavaria. Part of him, he felt part of him had died when he had watched his Princess kiss that man.

He preferred not to think about it any longer, but the more these statement became repetitive the more he realized he would never be free from this prison.

* * *

_"And baby when you care then I will be there by your side  
And now I stand here alone in the dark without you_  
_There is nothing more than I would like to be with you_  
_I can close my eyes but I can't stop thinking of you  
And now I stand here alone in the dark without you" _

**~Alone by Lasgo **

* * *

**August 10th.**

**Hampton Court Palace**

The Court had moved to Hampton Court, her father's favorite Palace now.

The day could not have started better as her Physician, Dr. de la Sa confirmed her best suspicions -she was with child.

She intended to tell Phillip, she knew he would be happy to hear this. Unlike other men, Phillip did not care about the gender of the child; all he cared for, he'd said was that their child would be born healthy.

Everything in Phillip made her breath comfortably, he was very protective of her and she thanked him for that but sometimes he could be too overprotective, and she got the feeling that Phillip saw her as nothing more than a naïve child that needed to be protected, yet as a hand fell on her flat stomach and closed her eyes imagining what their child would look like –all her discomforts of Phillip's attitude towards her disappeared.

A knock at her chamber doors woke her up from day dreaming. She looked at Susan who had opened the door. Her figure was blocking the figure from the entrance.

"Susan who is it?" She asked.

She hoped it would be Phillip. She couldn't wait to see the smile on his face when she would tell him that he was going to be a father.

Her face however turned serious when Susan moved aside and she saw **him**, the Imperial Ambassador, Eustace Chapuys.

_What is he doing here?_ She thought. They had not seen each other in nearly a month. She had even thought that after their last conversation he would never want to speak with her again, clearly she was wrong for the serious look on his face she judged he had something important to tell her. No doubt –it would have to do with her cousin.

"Eustace Chapuys milady" Said Susan a little too late both she and Mary realized.

Chapuys did not wait for Mary to let him in, like it was his own chambers he walked right in.

Mary saw no reason in telling Susan she could retire for the day, she clearly got the message as she exited the chamber shutting the door behind her.

"Excellency" She greeted him. "Please sit" She said.

* * *

_Please sit_ –his Lady now Duchess had said and he obliged more out of need than to please her. He desperately needed to sit.

He still did not know what he was doing here. What the Emperor had told him to tell his cousin was a simple message, very simple indeed that he could have send Fleming or Raphael or any other of his man servants to deliver it to the Duchess.

No, he had to send it himself, out of some strange reason he did not understand he thought it would be better if he delivered to her in person.

What did he think to accomplish by this? –To regain her trust? That had been lost the moment he had opposed the marriage openly with her and bluntly said that it would be the mistake of her life. He still thought that it was the mistake of her life.

"Your Grace" He said, not Your Highness but Your Grace as it was her title.

He could tell there was discomfort in her face for being addressed so coldly by a former friend.

She had to get used to it, after all it was her decision to marry the Duke, her decision to have a new title, she should face the consequences. However this didn't make his situation any better as she stared directly into her dark grey eyes.

"What brings you here?" She said in an equally cold tone.

"The Emperor has sent me a letter addressed to you however he thought it would be better if I were to deliver it to you."

"And what does my cousin say now? I hope it is good news"

He was surprised by how her tone changed when he mentioned her cousin, his Master the Emperor. Her eyes had lit up with expectation.

Two years ago after Cromwell had nearly convinced her that he was to blame for the broken betrothal with Dom Luis of Portugal, she had told Eustace that the only thing that mattered to her, that could even rival her father's love was her cousin's approval.

How innocent and naïve his Lady was. Did she not see it now? He had advocated for her plight, he had written every day to the Emperor telling him he could use her, he had spoken to him about her as nothing more than a tool and later he turned her into a victim so his Master could be convinced that her plight was worht fighting for. Had it not been for his letters or his cold language used on all the letters, the Emperor would have never been convinced that his cousin was what he now called a worthy investment.

Yes he was not innocent, he would be a liar if he said he was, but he had risked his life and his sanity for this woman, for his Lady, for his Princess and even now that she was farther from his reach or his cousin's he still was willing to play the part of intermediate for his Master and for her.

Yet, he realized, it was her cousin she held dear, second to her heart after her father and husband. To her he was just another subject, a commoner ... nothing else.

He forced a smile through his closed lips; however his teeth were pressed against one another.

"More than that the Emperor finally wishes to congratulate you on your marriage and he sends you his blessings" This was not a lie, the Emperor had sent blessing to his cousin the now Duchess of Bavaria, however Eustace left out the part in where the Emperor told Eustace that if the marriage were to be a failure or the Duke proved impotent, than arrangement could be made for an Imperial Alliance. Again the Princess would serve as a tool for him and her father.

He did not think of the Princess as a tool, not anymore but he could not help but obey to his Master's commands as much as it pained him to do when those commands had to do with his fair Lady.

* * *

Mary could not believe what she was hearing. At last her cousin had accepted her union with Philip.

She could have smirked, but instead she showed him a wide grin that soon disappeared as she saw him look away, disappointment however visible in his features.

"Excellency?" She asked him. "What is wrong?"

* * *

_What is wrong? I will tell you what is wrong, you married to the Duke of Bavaria Princess. You throwing your life away, and the whole Kingdom of your Father that you could have restored if only you would have been more patient!_

"Nothing" He said turning back to face her. "Nothing Your Grace, nothing" He repeated but she wasn't convinced.  
Something was wrong, and she was going to find out what.

Mary opened her mouth to speak but before words could come out of it her door was opened and in came Phillip.

"Mary **sweetheart **…" He stopped when he saw his wife sitting next to the Imperial Ambassador Chapuys.

He was confused as what the man was doing here, Mary saw through his expression. Mary stood up and walked up to him kissing him quickly on the lips.

"Phillip" she said softly as she looked back at the Ambassador's eyes, she looked at them quickly before she turned to meet her husband's dark emerald eyes. If she had looked at them longer she would have been able to see through them the pain and destruction that she was causing him standing so close to Phillip and speaking at him tenderly.

"He has great news to tell us, is about my cousin, he has finally accepted our marriage" She declared waiting for him to respond.

* * *

The kiss she gave the Duke of Bavaria was tender and when she returned his affection when she spoke to him, explaining him that the Ambassador was here to tell _them_ [not _me_, but she used the word _us,_ since she married that impoverished Duke everything became them instead of her, it was like the smart, and independent Lady he had known had flown out of the window] great news from her cousin -the Emperor.

"Really?" He asked his gaze falling unto the Ambassador who was still seated.

Chapuys avoided eye contact at all costs with the young Dukeof Bavaria, he feared that if he looked up at him the only thing the young man would see was the deep hatred burning in them because of him.

"Yes" Chapuys responded not looking into his eyes.

He stood up quickly after he answered the young Duke.  
The air around the room had become hot as the environment since the Duke had entered the room.

After he stood up, ignoring the pain from his leg he told the Duke "If you will excuse me Your Grace, I have duties to attend to" He said in his best formal tone. This was the first time he had spoke to the Duke, and he was surprised at how young and how naïve this man looked. Would he really be a good husband, what his Princess expected to find in a spouse? He doubted it, but [a part in his mind told him] at least she would make him happy, like she would make any man happy.

And that is where the cause for his hatred for the young man came from. No, it was not because he considered him below the Princess who was the daughter of Kings and granddaughter of the Great Catholic King, nor it was because he was a Lutheran [though that also could count] and he could poison his Princess' mind. No, all those reasons that Chapuys told himself every day to justify his hatred for the Duke of Bavara could have made sense, but alas they were not the real reason behind his hatred and jealousy.  
The Duke had won his Princess' heart and what added more fire to the hatred he felt towards the man was that he loved her and respected her, he was everything she had dreamed of.

_Stop it! You are a disgusting old man, how different will you be if you were to make her fall into your arms than the King of England?_

He mentally laughed at that.

How different he was from the King of England really? The King of England who had married Anne of Cleves a woman four years older than his eldest daughter! How much different he was indeed from him?

Was he that desperate for a woman's touch? If he was, he had chosen the wrong woman alright to fall in love with …

In love? … No, he could not! -They … but **he ... had**.

_I have fallen_ –he told himself- _for the Princess, a woman who is now completely out of my reach._

And he would realize she would be more out of his reach as Phillip held out his hand and Chapuys having no choice shook it.

Phillip flinched at the Ambassador's grasp.

"Strong grasp there Excellency. Umm, can I have my hand back I need it to write too" Philip said sheepishly.

Chapuys let go of his hand. Phillip's hand was held by Mary who frowned as she met the Ambassador's eyes. Chapuys did not return the glare or the frown, he felt he had done nothing wrong.

"Mary has told me a lot about you."

_I am sure she has._

"Tell me Excellency any jealous men around Court that I need to worry about?" He asked curiously attempting to humor him.

Chapuys smirked and looking straight into the Duke's emerald eyes for the first time he said "Oh you have no idea" and then he turned to leave.

* * *

_How dare he barge into my rooms like they were his own, and squeeze Phillip's hand like this, treating him like he was no one?_

"_Oh you have no idea"_ She'd heard him say before he turned his back on them and walked to the door.

Before he touched the door knob she turned to Phillip who was watching the Ambassador with a quizzical look on his eyes, his eyebrows still arched.

"Dr. de la Sa came today and he gave me great news …" The Ambassador suddenly stopped, Mary noticed as she looked behind Phillip's shoulder. She had put herself in front of Phillip. She wanted to see his expression and her husband's.

For some reason Mary cared more for the reaction she would get from Chapuys than from her husband.

Was it revenge? Or was it true what they said that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?

Slowly she watched the events unfold. First Phillip looking at her, his eyebrows no longer arched, they were raised and his eyes became expectant as he neared her and they were now close enough to kiss.  
Then there was Chapuys, His Excellency she thought, as he stopped in his tracks and tempted by curiosity he turned he began to turn to face her eyes.

Phillip meanwhile thought that her eyes were focused on him, but they were focused on the Ambassador.

Before Phillip got to ask the question, she answered him –"I am with child"

The Ambassador on the moment she'd said aloud to Phillip that she was with child had aged significantly as bags suddenly appeared under his eyes. No longer a frown on his face, it twisted into shock that soon turned to bitterness as he gave her one last glance at her before he walked away.

* * *

Chapuys could not believe what he'd heard.

"_I am with child"_

She was with child, a grandson to secure her place as the next Queen of England, which would only happen if her stepmother were to have [and he hoped it would be the case] a daughter. A son and she could secure her place in England's line of succession; she could prove that unlike the ill fated Katherine of Aragon she could bear healthy children that would carry on the Tudor line.

How naïve she was if she thought this was the case! Did she really believe that child that now rested on her belly would really carry the Tudor line? Did she really believe that the Duke of Bavaria would let the child bear the Tudor name? The child would be a Wittelsbach and half German. She already had enemies on England because of the xenophobia that was always present in this God forsaken land!

She was more naïve than he thought. Smart, funny and beautiful but good looks and her knowledge in science and philosophy would not help her to rule a Kingdom or to hold her marriage together.

Her happiness was based on the illusion that the young German Duke would bring her back to her father's good graces, and that once he did he would help her restore England back to the One True Faith through her other illusion that she have children to look after her Country after she would pass on.

Was she completely infatuated with this young man that she did not realize that her sons would never be raised her way? Phillip of Bavaria, his cousin, the King and surely Cranmer would take after their education. His Lady would not have a say in what the men at the Court would decide, the moment her child was born it would be stripped from its mother's arms, especially if that child turned out to be a boy.

Phillip of Bavaria, however, was delighted to hear the news. He could hear him as he chuckled, and suddenly the air became hotter and the ambient more unbearable. In that moment that he locked eyes with her, he gave her his last bitter glare before turning away from the "happy" couple and giving the door a loud slam that went unnoticed by the expecting parents.

* * *

**A/N: Mexico my soccer team lost against England! The first European team and we lost! Oh well there comes Italy and Germany, they better make a good impression.**

**England! They lost against England!**

**Anyway don't forget to review, and yes this is becoming a lot like cat and mouse, believe me this will be the start of the melting pot.**

**REVIEW!**

**~Carolina**


	7. Shades of Red

**Disclaimer: I don't own everything, certainly not the Tudors, Showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

**I have been feeling better since yesterday and I want to thank Dani [SSLE] for brainstorming and her supprt**

**I want to thank all my readers and reviewers, don't forget keep reviewing!**

****One thing Marillac came to England in 1538, yes I know the showline puts his date around 1540, however I am deciding to go with History on this so Marillac has been on England for quite a while and he will stay in England as long as his historical counterpart did.  
Though I am following some of the show's elements I will also follow history as the show is bassed on that. **

* * *

_"I could take every little word she said  
throw it in her face!  
Would she even care?  
I still remember when she looked on me  
the frown upon her face trying to be sincere  
__I gathered all those littl things she said kept them close to me  
trying to make this real  
this clouds will always hover over me"  
_**~Suffocate by Cold**

* * *

**1540, August 10th**

**Hampton Court Palace,**

**Ambassador's Chambers:**

"Not now!" He said to Raphael as he entered his Chambers. Fleming looked at Raphael quizically and he stepped in front of his Master asking if everything was alright. Chapuys walked past him too and cried to all the servants in his room, and that went for Raphael and Fleming too "Let me be take the day off, don't worry you will still be paid!" They didn't need to be told twice, everyone except for the usual pair of Raphael and Fleming, left the room in an instant. They didn't care if their Master was grumpy or not, they would get paid otherwise for doing nothing and having their leissure time away from their Master's foul mood.

Fleming looked at Raphael unsure what to make of this situation. They had never heard their Master address the servants that way.

Raphael merely shrugged his shoulders, he was unaware of what had ailed his Master but he told Raphael that the longer they stayed in the living room waiting for their Master to come from his Bed chamber, the only thing they would acheive is getting His Excellency in a more foul mood. None wanted to see Chapuys in a more foul mood than the one they'd already witnessed, so instead they decided to join the others and leave to their separated rooms.

* * *

Chapuys once inside his bedroom he paced back and forward waiting for everyone outside his bedchamber to leave. He could hear all of them in footstall hurry out of his Chambers.

_Good_ Eustace thought, yet he felt that not all of them were gone. As he put his ears on his bedroom's door, he could hear Fleming and his Spanish man servant Raphael still whispering.

_God that man Fleming_ Chapuys thought angry. _Did his meddlesome ways knew no bounds?_

_Obviously they do not_ -Chapuys sighed relieved when he heard them leaving the door being shut behind them.

Now that was better, the only thing Fleming had to do was listen to him, only once he would ask for things to go **His** way!

Damn it! All of England and the sun that still shine bright above this Island, damn it all!

Why was he even here? He hated the people, he hated the food, he hated being so close to the ports since just the sight of the sea still made him sick. He couldn't begin to think of all the trips he had been where he had not [miraculous] thrown up. He was not a sailor, he was a diplomat. Couldn't man just invent something that didn't have to do with water? If men were said to be so smart -surely they could invent roads or something that didn't have to do with traveling by sea.

Speaking of the devil, he thought, he walked to the window where just as he was thinking of the sun -he was forced to let its intense rays enter his room. It was terribly hot, it had not rained for more than five weeks, and to top all the hell that he felt in this Island, the King had not deterred from his madness to pursue both Heretics and Catholics. Five Hundred now or so the count was who had died -of both faiths!

It was ridiculous! And worst of all was that his Lady, his Princess who now styled herself as Duchess no longer seemed to give care about the fate of those who followed the true Faith.

The world had gone mad, and so did his Princess since she married that man!

_Heretic!_ Chapuys cursed. In his blind rage he didn't feel his leg cursed with gout being hit with the foot of his bed as he stumbled on it. His hatred was fueling his rage and that blocked all the physical pain he could have felt because of his gout and where he hit his leg with hard wood.

He cursed Phillip but soon as his curses and his mental cries died down he realized that all this time he was not cursing Phillip, he was cursing himself for failing not his master, but his Lady and Princess -if he had fought harder, if he had replied more desperately, exagerated things a bit his Master would have paid all the dowry two summers ago for her betrothal with Dom Luiz de Portugal. She would be a married woman, far from his reach yes, but she would be married with a man befitting her rank, a man he was sure who would take away from all this damned place!

He didn't realize when it was but when he opened his eyes after he stopped cursing himself -he found himself on his knees against his bed and for the first time since he arrived to his Chambers, he felt the pain in his leg return and it was so excruciating that he found himself screaming and no longer able to put up a fight against his gout he let darkness take him.

* * *

**August 24th.**

**The Duchess of Bavaria's Bedchamber**

Mary had decided that two weeks after her last confrontation with the Ambassador with she would pay him a visit. She would show herself to his doorstep as unexpectedly as he had done with her.  
Mary told herelf repetitively that it would only be based only on pure interest, she had to know after all what her cousin had to say of her pregnancy. _Surely_ she thought, _His Excellency must have already told him. _**His** opinions is of high value like my father's.

_Who?_ Her conscience taunted.

She was sick and tired of playing these games with her mind, it was always who and why? Mary meant the Emperor of course! -Her cousin, who else? But that would not quiet her conscience from constantly asking.

She looked at her vanity. She had seldom done that before. She didn't like to loo at her vanity, she considered it a waste of time when there were other great things she considered she could do like reading a book or spending time with her husband -Phillip , her best friend Susan or one of her personal favorites -spending time with her sister Elizabeth. The latter had been very enthusiastic when her Chambers were moved next to Phillip and Mary's. She was very fond of them, especially witb Phillip, she considered him like a big brother and Phillip considered her like the sister he always wished he could have.  
Mary was happy whenever she saw both of them play together cards. She hardly approved of Elizabeth learning to play cards but Phillip had jested saying it was alright, she was daughter of the King after all and she would soon have to learn the games played at Court. Mary guessed then that it was alright, as long as she did it with her or with Phillip and no one else who could take advantage of an innocent soul like her.

When she saw her reflection on her mirror, the woman staring back at her was one who no longer looked twenty four but rather younger. Prengnacy usually had an odd effect on women making them look tired, forlorn and more haggard. On Mary it was all the contrary, she was only a month along and already her skin had acquired color, for example her cheeks were no longer pale and became rosier, and her figure also was gaining on weight. She could feel that her pregnancy was changing her for the better.

She ran a hand through her hair as she saw some hairs loose in front of where her low French hood rested. This French hood she had worn was different than all the rest. Normally she would wear high French Hoods that made her look like she had a golden halo rested on her head. This was different, it was still gold however as a gift from the Queen, Anne of Cleves, it was smaller in size yet more befitting for a married woman. On top of the hood rested small pearls. On Mary's neck she had the same pearl necklace she had always worn since the late Jane Seymour's reign. It was the same necklace that had adorned her neck in the miniature made of her exactly two years ago. It was taken from her after Cromwell had said it would be a punishment because of aiding known catholic fugitives at Hundson. This was a lie of course, Mary had not aided fugitives, on the contrary she had given aid to homeless children and men and women who had been left without a home or shelter after all the abbeys and nunneries had closed down. But Cromwell didn't care, since then Mary's miniature had been taken away and so her liberty to make her House a shelter for the homeless souls near London.

She decided not to think of it anymore. Instead she focused on this necklace. As the small golden French Hood with pearls on top, it matched her purple gown which had golden balls on her square neck. The necklace had been a gift from her late stepmother, the only thing she had of her as the rosary that had belonged to her mother, also given to her by Jane Seymour seconds after she had gone in labor.

Mary straightened herself and then her necklace. She had to look presentable, she thought, even if it was for His Excellency.

"Susan I am going out" She told her best friend who was sitting on the green sofa near to the stone made fireplace.

She stood up from the sofa and walked to Mary "Where might I inquire Mary?" She asked in a tone more serious than usual.

_Could she know?_ Thought Mary. _Of course she does, she knows you better than yourself._

"Nowhere in particular I am just going for a stroll. I need to sort some things out" She said and before Susan could object Mary was already out the door.

* * *

**Ambassador's Chambers:**

Chapuys had not told anyone, including the Physician nor his two man servants Raphael and Fleming that he had fallen unconscious to the excruciating pain in his leg that had taken him by surprise two weeks ago.

He didn't want to appear weak, and he was still adamant to being placed with a cain. It was not fair, he could walk without the need of cane or stick, surely what had happened had only been the result of his nerves!

Oh what a fool he was to have acted on his feelings, this had never happened to him before, why was it happening to him now?

The longer he questioned himself, the more his migraine increased. He walked to his desk. He should write to the Emperor now. His servants were not here with him today as they had not been two weeks ago on that day when they had also been dismissed.

In his plain chemise and on loose black pants with black slippers he walked to his desk and made himself comfortable in his arm chair. He dipped the pen in ink, but just like before [when the Princess had married the Duke of Bavaria] he did not know where to begin. He had told the Emperor that the Duchess was pregnant and that her child was scheduled to be born around mid April during Spring. No better time for a child blessed with a great mother like the Duchess to be born, he thought solemnly as he closed his eyes imagining the child of his Lady.

Whatever the child was, boy or girl if he or she was anything like its mother then great things would be expected from it -he hoped.

* * *

Mary reached His Excellency's Chambers. She was surprised when she knocked several times and she received no answer. She tried again but there was no response.

Nothing.

There was no one home, she thought wryly. She was about to leave when she decided to try once more and this time her hand sliding close to where the door knob was, when she knocked her hand had hit that door knob and she heard the door cracking and slowly it became open.

_Strange, _she thought._ His Excellency would never leave his rooms unguarded. _

It was none of her business to inspect the Ambassador's rooms, but she could not help but let her curioisty take the best of her. It would be only one peek, besides she couldn't leave his rooms unattended. The way things were going around in the Country, lately even in Hampton there had been missing things from the Couriter's Chambers. She didn't want anyone stealing from the Ambassador, which his room was probably to be a high target since he was one of the more cunning politicians in father's Court.

Thinking back to the Ambassador she found herself comparing him with Marillac, for some reason she could not help it. Marillac had been in the Country for two years, and he was mildly as crude or sarcastic as Chapuys. He was less rough, but more direct but he lacked His Excellency's great intellect.

Also there was another thing that Marillac lacked -devotion. While to some Chapuys' devotion was something that irritated, to Mary it was something that made her admire and respect him even more.

She looked puzzled as she saw that the entrance chamber was completely deserted. She wondered why the Ambassador had deserted his rooms and not left everyone behind to take care of the mess. There were papers everywhere, it was like he had not been here in days, the room was not cleaned and now she did not only mean the papers thrown all over the place, but also the cushions of the two sofas on each side of the room. She sighed. She could not understand why His Excellency could be so stuborn? Couldn't he just have told one of his man servants to clean up or order the room be cleaned up by the others at his service? Why was he acting this way? -She hardly knew him in this conduct.

She lifted the cushions and doing the job he should have told his servants to do, she went and put them on the sofas. When she was finished she arranged all the papers, they were not in order she realized but she put them on the table on the sofa on the far right of the room. The room looked now ... decent.

Would his bed chamber be just as bad? She wondered.

She moved to his bedroom's door. As usual she didn't bother to check because she heard no sounds coming from the other end, and unlike before she didn't bother to know.

Her surprise was evident when she opened the door. It was not that the door was not locked, but rather that she found the Ambassador inside in plain chemise and a loose set of black pants and black slipper. She could feel herself turning red. The Ambassador paid no attention to her presence as his attentions were focused on the contents on the letter he had just finished written to his Master.

She grabbed the door knob and before he could take notice of her presence, she closed the door as silent as she could however as the door was halfway closed it made a screeching sound that made Chapuys look up and quickly he asked "Who is there? I told you Fleming not to bother me!"

Mary did not know what to do. She could just close the door and make a run for it. He would not catch up with her. His leg would keep him from reaching her on time, yet something kept her from running and not realizing that it was too late to run she turned back to face the door and slowly she heard the door be pushed by Chapuys.

* * *

Chapuys had not been prepared to see the Duchess in plain sight, he could not believe he was staring at her in the new purple gown and the french hood that he suspected were all presents from the Queen, the Lady Anne of Cleves and then there was her necklace, his gaze fell on it. It was the same pearl necklace that she had worn since Jane Seymour, more than four years ago.

He regained sense of who she was, Duchess of Bavarian and Princess Mary and looking at himself he felt himself grow red with embarssment as he was in a plain chemise and black loose pant and slippers. This was no way to greet her.

"Milady ... I-You Grace" He was at a loss of words.

* * *

He was bewildered and unhappy at being seen this way. She was not any better.

Mary felt very odd to be stuck in the same situation. Though she had her formal clothing with her, she wasn't expecting to see him this way, she had only seen one man like this -Phillip.

She didn't know what she should say.

Just go, her mind whispered. But she felt paralyzed by the same shame that had taken possesion of the Ambassador's body.

Finally she seemed to found courage as she heard herself say on impulse "I -I saw the door was opened and knocked several times ... nobody answer so I figure -I would see if ... if there was somebody here" She wasn't sure where she was getting with this but it was the best she could come with.

His face still puckered as he looked directly into Mary's eyes. She felt his eyes penetrate the barriers where her soul was kept and she could feel his presence in the depts of it. He had much practice, she figured reading through other people's eyes. She was no different than all the others.

"I told my servants they would be dismissed"

He sounded calmer.

But his eyes were still fixated to dark grey orbs. She wanted to look away but she found she couldn't.

"Well then -I am ... came here to ..." What had she come here for? She had seemed to forget but as Chapuys finally looked away and his gaze turned to the desk behind him where the fresh parchment he had been writing on earlier lay, it suddenly came back to Mary.  
"I came here to inspect on my cousin. I want to know what he thinkgs of my pregnancy" She said in a more determined voice.

Chapuys back to her. "Yes ... he uh- expresses his best wishes" he said too quickly not convincing her. He cleared his throat louder this time and taking the door knob with his left hand again he said "Pr-Lad-Your Grace I mean ... if you could let me change I can tell you all about the Emperor and what he told me to inform you, please...  
"please" he repeated more demanding this time "if you could give me some privacy to change?"

Mary noded "Of course. I will be waiting for you in my Chambers" She said very quickly and before he closed his Bed chamber door she ran out of the room as fast as she could. She could still feel her cheeks red. What a fool she had made herself in front of the Ambassador?

* * *

"_Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but so is love and when we create the illusion of love you will see that later it will turn to something dangerous for our partner -obssesion."_

**~"From love to lust" by Anonymous**

* * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid she kept telling herself as she finally reached her Chambers. She went to the sofa where Susan no longer was. She leaned on the soft cushions of her sofa and took a deep breath.  
If anyone else had seen them they would have thought the worse, not only her she could have gotten him in trouble! What was she thinking going into a man's room without permssion?  
Yet, if she hadn't gone his room would still be battlefield. Like it or not, she thought to the Ambassador, she had helped him make his room more decent than the mess she had witnessed when she'd entered. She realized she had never been in the Ambassador's aparment before. It was not as spacious as her Chambers, but it was cozy, in fact the cushions in her sofa were not as soft or warm like his. She had seen his Bed chaber for a short while too. It was smaller than hers and Phillip's but unlike hers, Chapuys at least had a desk while the only thing she had was a small table that its only purpose was to put candles that would be her only comfort while waiting for Phillip at night.

She envied that advantage that Chapuys had, a desk where he could writer freely while she had to go to the living room everytime she wanted to.

Coming back to her small table in their bed chamber, she thought of Phillip's late nights when he would come exhausted to Bed. Since Phillip had arrived he had made a friendship, that had been only growing wth each passing day between, between Cranmer and other Heretic sympathizers. She had to admit she didn't like any of it, but she could hardly say anything to express her dislike for having him surrounded of those Heretics, most of which had been, and she still suspected, were her enemies.

Marriage had changed Phillip as much as pregnancy was changing her. He was no longer the vaguely timid boy when he first visited England in Jaunary, this time he came back as a man determined to love her and cherish her as his husband, now that she was carrying the child she hoped he would come to bed earlier but it was never so. She would wait for long hours until he would come. Phillip was a man of his word, an honorable man she believed. The reason for his silence she could not be sure; but she began to suspect that he was becoming too close to Cromwell and Cranmer for her own liking.  
She had seen them at Court talking to each other, and she was alarmed because Phillip was not a man of many words. When someone spoke to him he would give a quick reply and then make his way back to her, with the Archbishop however, he was spending more time discussing whatever it was she did not know -but she intended to find out.


	8. Killing me softly

**Disclaimer****: I don't own anything**.

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, thanks to Dani [SSLE] who has been a great help I love brainstorming with her, and to my best friend Anna who helped me also with this chapter and as always don't forget to review after you finish!**

**~Carolina**

* * *

"_Long lost words whisper slowly to me  
Still can't find what keeps me here_

_When all this time I've been so hollow… inside_

_Watching me, wanting me,  
I can feel you pull me down  
Fearing you, loving you  
I won't let you pull me down__"_

_Haunting you, I can smell you_  
_Alive_  
_Your heart pounding in my head"_

**Haunted by Evanescence**

* * *

He could not believe his Lady had seen him in his trousers and his chemise. It was embarrassing, however for the Duchess to barge into his rooms like that it had been very uncalled for, and un-Lady-like behavior coming from the daughter of the Queen of England and granddaughter of the King and Queen of Spain, Fernando of Aragon and Isabel of Castilla.

Chapuys was disappointed after he dressed up **completely** and went to the Duchess' chambers as he'd promised. [He had promised to himself that he would no longer call her Princess or milady, but Your Grace and think of her as Duchess, for that was what she had become when she'd married the impoverished Duke]. He was received with a cool reception by the Duchess of Bavaria. He learned to hide his feelings and the pain that had gripped his leg once more when she invited him to sit down next to her by the fire place.

How he dreaded that arm chair. It was the same chair where every time he sat, every time he came here since she'd married the Duke of Bavaria, their discussions would always turn to conflict. She didn't realize how hurtful or spiteful she could be. She'd accuse him of being an opportunist, and uncaring for her.  
He was not a Saint, she had been right. He was an opportunist he had done things in his life, the kind of things that should haunt a man while he sleep, however he was never haunted by the ghosts of those people or by his actions. -He had learned to cope with them a long time ago.  
He had some instincts left in him; he was not completely heartless as his Lady had accused him off before her wedding Ceremony. There was something left in Eustace that still made him feel human at times.

That something was nagging him to swallow him pride for the Duchess, the Princess he had once fought heaven, hell and Earth to have her restored to her father's Court.

His heart was frozen over however when he looked at the former Princess who in turn gave him one of the coldest looks he had seen of her to date.

So he forgot his pain and focused on her instead, on her cold glare but when he locked eyes with her he realized it wasn't an air of coldness that had passed through her eyes, it was concern … pity to have seem flinch when the gout stroke his leg.

* * *

She wanted to ask His Excellency how he'd felt, but that thought was turned down when he turned to glare at her, there was nothing in his eyes but coldness. She didn't let herself be affected by it, instead -she looked away from his gaze.

Mary didn't see him flinching, when to his dismay she had looked away.

A hand passed through his hair she saw when she turned to see him again. She didn't lock eyes with him this time; she merely looked at him without paying any attention to his glares.

Her great desire, unknown to him, was to placate her concern for him. She didn't feel pity or sorrow for what was going on around his mind, because what she thought she knew was completely wrong.  
She thought him to be angry because of a failed alliance with Dom Luis, she didn't realize that there was more to it than that in his eyes –and the pain that he was feeling now, not in his leg, but in his chest as he felt the air around hotter.

Mary learned from experience not to show her emotion, but like many times with the Ambassador she had often failed when he was next to her like now. They were very close and she didn't know why it was that she'd asked him to sit next to her. Why now? –after that fiasco in his room where she thought it to be deserted, just thinking about it made her turn red again.

While trying to make herself appear non-caring she noticed she had failed miserably when Chapuys smirked at her.

"Is something funny Excellency?" She asked in a neutral tone arching her eye brows in confusion.

* * *

He shook his head_, no on the contrary –nothing is wrong except you are still an amateur at hiding your emotions Duchess._

* * *

She didn't like the way he was looking at her, and the feeling was mutual for it was making both of them very uncomfortable, yet unlike the Duchess of Bavaria, the Imperial Ambassador did not showed his discomfort he barely masked with amusement like he had done other times, not just for her but for everyone including the King of England.

"I believe that you are worried" He said nonchalantly.

Her head tilted slightly to the left, her eyebrows became more [if that was even possible –thought Chapuys] arched.

"What do you mean?" She asked, as much to direct her own thoughts away from his spying glare.

"It is difficult to know what you were thinking when Your Grace marched into my room without knocking"

He was cut off by Mary who indignantly she stood from her chair answering him "I did knock at your door more than twice"

"Then why pray tell Your Grace I did not hear it?"

He kept calling her Your Grace, and it was done without respect, without dignity, every time he said Your Grace there was a smirk on his face and an thorough glare that she wasn't sure anymore whether it was coldness or annoyance.

Annoyance at what? She thought, _it should be me who is annoyed, I am a Princess now Duchess of Bavaria how can he question me like that?_  
_I did wrong going to his Chambers, this is what happens when I care –lesson number one that he always taught me, never let your feelings interfere with your life, they will break you down. No truer words have ever been spoken_ –she realized.

* * *

Recently Eustace had gotten over his anger at Her Grace's reluctance to no longer need his advice. He came to terms that she was now a married woman, and being influenced by a young Duke who had nothing better in his mind but leave off his wife's money. How different was him than all the vultures in the Tudor Court? Yet he had put all that past him after he had fallen ill again because of his gout. He had told no one about it, the only people that knew were him and the Lord.  
For the first time in his life he did what he thought he would never do, he succumbed to Heresy confessing himself to the Lord instead of a Priest. He felt unworthy to do it himself, join his hands in prayer and ask his Lord for absolution. Men were not born to do that, men needed guidance they needed their Lord. He had taken Holy Orders but he had abandoned them because he couldn't keep up with how the world was changing and well after Luther he found his calling in Politics. Stopping his devils from influencing innocent minds became his priority.  
He felt more comfortable in Politics also.  
He had his true calling there, he could defend the Church while also his Country and stay loyal to his Empire, yet the things he'd done –he realized he lied when he looked into those dark grey eyes when he'd tell himself that he wasn't bothered by the images of all those dead men that he had condemned.

He hadn't pulled the trigger or let the axe fall on their heads, but he loaded the gun so to speak and gave the King enough reason to execute them

With Brereton it had certainly been so, he had trusted too much [a great mistake of his] in that devout soul. He had grabbed him, twisted his mind, gave him enough motivation, trained him to hate the whore and kill her. Yet Brereton it seemed still had a conscience. When the Harlot fell to free himself off suspicion he had embarked Brereton as one more of her lovers. Like most of the political tools he had used in the past, he was no longer needed; he was expendable just like Eustace.

What Her Grace did not understand was that men like Eustace were not paid to be perfect, to be nice or to show emotion; the world she still didn't realize because she was very naïve was not nice. It was cold and cruel, he had seen much of it during his travels to Antwerp, his return during his long absence a year ago to Annency and finally to the Imperial Court where he had began to taste the corruption and learned that rules in a world gone mad by tyrants were worth nothing.

He was a hypocrite, an evil if that was what she thought of him now, but he was a necessary evil.

The world –the common people that is- did not ask for men like him, but Rulers did because they needed him. Because Rulers were men higher than everyone else, they were the people that were separated from the normal population, including the nobles. They were chosen by God, anointed by the Lord's servants. By the grace of God … they said, nothing they did could be judged except for the Pope or as the Heretics believed it –by God himself. If something was wrong in their Country they blamed their subjects, usually their advisors. These would be put to death because they had failed not only their Country, but also their King, God's chosen one.

Tonight when they'd seen each other he had realized that if there was one mistake God had done in its creation had been the past Princess. She was born to greatness yet destined by God's "apparent" choice in Ruler, Henry VIII, to be nothing more than the Consort of an impoverished and opportunistic Duke of a German territory that though one of the biggest, was not one to rival the great Catholic Countries of France, the Holly Roman Empire territories or even Portugal for that matter.

His past Princess had always been curious, intelligent, witty and cunning yet she had one weakness: love. She let love get in the way of her ambitions and that he had told her once would destroy her, yet he was disappointed to see that it hadn't so far.

What was going on with him? He should be proud that she wasn't falling prey to the Duke's ideas, to the Duke's Heresy yet he couldn't. There was no way that Chapuys could be proud of her when she was still married to the Duke of Bavaria, a Heretic who would only give England more Heretics, and they would come from a perfect devout woman's womb –he thought grimly his gaze falling on the Duchess' flat stomach.

In eight more months or less she would give birth to a grandson or granddaughter, but heir nonetheless to Bavaria and maybe one day [if the Queen failed [hopefully] to give the King and England a Duke of York] of England.

The thought alone should make him happy, but once more he couldn't be happy for that. The child would be a Heretic and she … she would have no choice but give the child off to tutors whom he was sure they would be handpicked by that man and by the King's secretary Cromwell.

After seven long years of facing Cromwell, the man had finally ousted Eustace. Alas, this world was full of surprises and injustices –but like his first Master the Duke of Savoy Charles III once told him _"Life is unfair Eustace, get used to it"_

_

* * *

_

Mary did not like how he was addressing her with that crude and sarcastic tone. She knew what to expect of him, but he had always treated her kindness, why did he have to continue to be so cold towards her?

She had chosen love over ambition, so? That did not mean that she had abandoned her ambition and her hopes that she could be restored to the line of succession.

He had become important through his aid in her years of hardship she had experienced with the Harlot, at the service of her sister when she had been called Princess of Wales. He had continued to be with her ever after the Harlot's death, even when he left her to be with the Emperor for a year he had first come to her instead of reporting to her father.

He was a man who would regard his duty to the Emperor, her cousin and perhaps to her as a serious matter. It was God's will he believed that she should rule England, and he was doing everything to keep it that way even now when they were at odd with each other –he still wanted to see her become Queen someday.

Mary really believed that Chapuys was a man who put duty first, and that in spite of their apparent lack of trust since she'd chosen Phillip over his Master's advice, he would still continue to fight for her rights for the Crown of England.

She was hopeful, and she didn't show it. Instead she had the same glare, cold and her face expressionless.

The situation in the room became worse when she decided after a long pause to respond him  
–"Whatever it is you have to say about my cousin **your Master** say it now or hold your peace" she said harshly quickly changing subjects to get their minds off the unpleasant encounter earlier.

Eustace seemed to accept her change of attitude, his former Princess was finally thinking back to important matters, and spoken –he thought- with the ego of a King, not a Queen, Princess or Consort that she was brought to be now by her marriage with the Duke of Bavaria, but like a true King.

He had to admit defeat to the French Ambassador's last statement about the former Princess. -She was a truly woman with the heart and spirit of a King, and if she could have been given the chance to rule under the misfortune of her father's death [though that misfortune would be only to his "loved ones" people Eustace considered he did not deserve to have close by like his daughter], he believed she would have made a better ruler than him. A better England this would have been, away from the clutches of the Devil.

When the King had turned his attentions to the Harlot, the Marques of Pembroke, a title he had bestowed on her only to clear her doubts about the validity of her noble status. She was certainly noble through her mother's side and in England a place where a woman could not take the throne for herself [which had been the problem with his former Princess] or have anything that she could call her own, her promotion from commoner to noble had been a great achievement. People were enchanted by the tale of the King marrying a commoner, if that was possible than there would be no barriers the people, especially those who had nothing believed. But soon they found out, that the commoners who had risen to the top thanks to the Harlot's temporal grasp of His Majesty, had been high commoners as he'd like to call them –merchants and impoverished nobles, nothing more, nothing else. The people became more forgotten and women's right pushed backwards after the Harlot became "Queen".

Katherine of Aragon must be turning and tossing in her tomb he thought, to see what her beloved adopted Country had become after the Harlot's death.

"The Emperor tells me that he is pleased for your pregnancy, and that he wishes that once the child is born, to please your father it would be wise to name him after him" He said, patient.

She nodded. She was still standing while His Excellency remained in his seat passive looking like there had been no angry outburst from her.

"That is reasonable" She said. Eustace nodded he gripped the arm chair as he was about to stand up however he was stopped by her voice as it changed tones –"But Phillip and I have discussed that we want the child to be named after him, if it is a boy if it is a girl it will be named Katherine"

"That is very unwise" Chapuys said his tone becoming more serious.  
"If the Queen were to have a son than you would be restored if you are, behind the Duke of York, but if she would not t-"

"What are you implying?" Her tone was sharp as was her gaze when it finally focused on his eyes and finally she saw what they held –ambition. After all these weeks at odds with each other, he still was concerned for her. -He wanted to see her reinstated. He would not rest until she would be.

"I am simply saying that if the Queen bore a Princess since she would not be an anointed Queen, your father wants a Prince after all not a Princess. You could be restored, though some would still argue your legitimacy, your father would take into consideration that your mother was an anointed Queen, that puts you even above your brother Prince Edward whose mother was not and he has not yet been invested Prince of Wales"

Mary's eyes narrowed. "But surely Edward would take the throne everyone knows that" She said.

"Yes but who would come after. I know you don't want to hear this Your Grace …"

"Please stop that" snapped Mary frustrated, it was becoming increasingly annoying to hear him calling her Your Grace, Your Grace very second of what was left of their day and to see him smirk or grin every time he'd said it.

"If you can't be serious when you direct to me with my proper title than I suggest you call me like you used to"

He was taken aback by her tone, yet he composed himself quickly and turning seriously at her he rephrased "Very well then … Lady Mary. Sound better to you Madame?"

It didn't matter if he called her Madame or failed to call her with her proper title, all that mattered was that Chapuys was no longer smirking or making fun of her new title.

* * *

_"Love is always uncalled for. It is ambitious, unjust and it takes no prisoners. In love anything goes just as war. The only difference is that the wounds you get from war last with you until death, love is so powerful that the wounds penetrate your soul leaving you wounded for all Eternity"_

**Love game by Anonymous**

**

* * *

**

This was uncalled for, for him to having to succumb to low as to ask and consider her first than his own Master, but hadn't he always done that? Put her above the rest, including his own Master.

"Yes it does" She answered.

"The Emperor knows that any other Princess that is born to your father will not face the same claim as you. Your mother's anointed head puts you above the others even above your father and let us face it milady" he said his smirk returning. "your brother is not going to live long enough to grow a full beard. Courtiers that have visited the Prince have said he is often sick and Lady Bryant has complained to your father about his violent coughs"

Mary looked away.

"It is time we –you I mean start to consider the future, the future of this Country and the future of the child you have in your belly" He said his gaze looking at her flat stomach.

A hand, as if to protect the child from the Ambassador's intrigue, flied straight unto her belly. "No" She said.

"No, leave my child out of this. He or she will grow away from all manipulation, I assure you that if God wills it I will be Queen and Philip as my Consort along with the child we will rid England of all its impurities"

"Milady that will not happen when your husband is very close to Cranmer, he has been seen talking to the man even going to his Chambers and he is making fast friends with Cromwell" He protested and ignoring the pain in his leg he stood up and walked to her.

They were close again and another argument both could feel it was about to start and they would blame each other later for it.

"Your Grace you are on a precarious position. The predicament you are in can only be solved if you continue to please your father the King. I have noticed that your husband is becoming too close to Cromwell and to Cranmer. Of all people you should realize that while dangerous it can be used to your advantage, if he were to become one of your father's closest people then you would have greater influence"

"But you have it all wrong _Your Excellency"_ -she protested. "Phillip is not what you think!"

"And why is that?" He cried. "Huh? Because as soon as your husband, God forbid that he does become your Consort he will not conform with being a mere Consort, a breeder to bring the Crown more sons! He will demand that you give him matrimonial rights and believe me **if or when** you do he will push you aside and England will be throw in Civil War. You will prove what everyone has said all along that women are incapable to rule, that they are naïve, easily dominated by their feelings …"

"Stop it!"

"… that women the only thing they are good at is to have children"

"Eustace" she said using his first name hoping that would get his attention but unfortunately it didn't.

"Your husband will take those matrimonial rights and push you aside Princess, think what will happen when you give him everything you've ever fought hard for? Would you leave your mother's struggle forgotten by giving you Crown over to a Heretic?"

"Eustace stop it!"

and that you milady are everything they always said …" "a concubine's daughter who is no better than her stepmother opening her legs to the first handsome man she finds …"

It had been the last straw, he had not realized he had gone too far this time. Mary swung her hand and slapped him hard.

It made him turn the other cheek.

In that moment however he took little care to remind himself of what her title was, looking into those eyes he saw all the damage he had done.

"Milady" he began saying attempting to apologize, something that all his enemies would have gladly paid to see. The cynic and strong Ambassador apologizing! The world must have gone mad –they would've all said.

He didn't care if anyone would see them as he advanced towards her, however still stricken by his accusation she backed away and she threw one guilty finger at him "Stay away from me! Just …" She could not finish her sentence as she began to sob and she would have fell to the ground had the Ambassador not been there to catch her like a knight in shining armor.

She hated being the damsel in distress, the Lady everyone had to pity, the victim.

Never be a victim –her mother always said, but that was what she'd turn herself into as she looked up to see the Ambassador still holding her in his strong arms –a victim.

"No let me go …" She said through her sobs. Her voice was barely audible and Chapuys did not understand the words that were coming out of her mouth, but seeing the hurt and hateful expression on her face he knew instantly.

_She hates me_ –he thought miserably –_I am the one responsible for her misery, I drove her to this state_. It tore him apart more than it did her to see her this way.

He began to rock her as her sobs increased and her cries intensified. He slowly brought her up, and when they were finally standing he realized he had not let go of her. Not knowing what other thing to do but keeping her comfortable in his _weak_ arms he began whispering …

"I am sorry" He said simply, no emotion, but no regret either in his voice.

Mary looked up to him confused of what she'd heard.

_I am sorry_ –he said, had she heard right? The Ambassador Eustace Chapuys, the almighty Excellency apologizing? She thought sarcastic.

It was confirmed when Chapuys whispered for a second time in her ear  
"My lady, my poor, sweet, sweet Lady" He called her and she gave up resting her head in submission to his words on his chest as his hands went to caress her hair, the other still holding unto her back pulling her closer to him.


	9. Fate gives us a chance

**Disclaimer: No I don't own anything, that would make me God and a millionaire producer.**

**Thanks to all my readers and those who have reviewed.  
I hope I have been living up to your expectations and that the Mary and Chapuys are still in character, recently I have gone to the museum of history and done more research which has helped for this chapter and the upcoming ones.**

This chapter is very important so pay close attention to all the details, it is shorter but next chapters will be longer I promise.

* * *

"_To him she seemed so beautiful, so seductive, so different from ordinary people, that he could not understand why no one was as disturbed as he by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones, why no one else's heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils, why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid, the flight of her hands, the gold of her laughter. He had not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character, but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell."_  
~**Love in Times of Cholera [p. 100] by Gabriel Garcia Marques.**

* * *

In these times, the trees of Hunsdon were still crowned with fresh green leaves, and the grass flourished with lilies and roses. A place of peace and tranquility, somewhere Mary would always be put at ease from her troubles.

Yet it was impossible for Hunsdon to come to her, when she was so far away from it.

She didn't realize when the Ambassador's embrace began, and when the warmth of his arms died down.

Mary stared at him wide eyed as he parted from her.

There was no need to comfort her for her tears had all dried off.

"I apologize …" there were no more words to say, his sorrow was all that was left from his past regrets.

"Excellency"

"No milady" he stopped her holding a hand between them to stop her from coming any further. "I am the one who was at fault, please forgive me"

His voice did not speak of sorrow only of regret, but, his eyes spoke a different matter. They did not regret holding is Lady in his arms, or having him say those ugly truths to her.  
She had to learn that sooner or later the truth comes to all of us, and when we fail to acknowledge it will come and bite us back. He didn't want her to go through that like he did. He wanted her to be wise, to know ahead of time what she was going to be up against once her child was born.

Mary thought she knew very well what she was up against and so she hadn't listen to Eustace advice. She continued to ignore him, even now that he had apologized to her.

When would she learn that the world does not revolve around her? He thought. His eyes were still on her and vice verse.

They could feel the weight of each others pains on their shoulders.

Mary realizing that the Ambassador would not have it any other way accepted his apologies.

"You are forgiven" she said clearing her throat afterward.

She felt like a huge whole had been punched through her chest, and she didn't know why.  
Was it because of what the Ambassador said? Was it because Chapuys despite all his cynicism was right? –Phillip would take over their child's education? Would she be left out of the child's life?

No, she could not fathom that. It would never happen. Phillip had sworn to love and obey her, he would never do that. No matter that he was her husband and Lord, she was above him. A Princess of the blood and he just a mere Duke –ahh but a ruler Duke at that –her mind spoke. Yes, a Ruler, but just a Duke.

His ancestry could not compete with hers. She was the granddaughter of Isabel of Castill and Fernando of Aragon. They could have married her to highest noble in all of England and she would still have been above him.  
Phillip, she loved, but he was no match for her, daughter of Katherine of Aragon (the true Queen, no matter what everyone said) and King Henry VIII. She was a Tudor through and through, born and bred to rule, and ruler was what she would be, if not of England than of her Household, of her child's life.

Chapuys could see the fire in her eyes burning with determination. She was solely convinced, without a doubt, that victory was hers. Just like Anne Boleyn who tried to break her down into admitting that her parent's marriage was incestuous, and she never could. Mary still fought to prove her enemies, married or not that she was the daughter of Katherine of Aragon and that once her mind was made, nothing on Earth would made her change her mind.  
He was afraid of this. His Lady had a strong heart, an incorruptible spirit, but she was naïve and stubborn like a child.

She needed to grow up.

He was tired of playing second fiddle. It was always her, her father and her cousin, his Master. For once could she stop and listen to what he had to say?

Nothing compared to what he had done **for** her. Nothing.

"Excellency?"

Mary's voice snapped him from his thoughts. He straightened up and withdrawing his hand he let her come to him.

"Excellency what is really going on? Why all of the sudden hatred for me and Phillip?"

_Hatred for you Princess?_ Chapuys thought bitterly, not believing that he could think of her in that way. She was a Princess still, but in the eyes of her people she was a Duchess and she would remain so if her father succeeded in having another son.

_She thinks it all has to do with her then?_ He thought again. His eyes darting from where her flat belly was to her face.  
Pregnancy had had the effect on most women of taking their youth and beauty away, yet with the Duchess it had done all the contrary. It seemed as if her pregnancy was taking no toll on her youthful features at all. If anything, it had made her seem more youthful.

"I assure you Your Grace I bore you no regret when you married the Duke of Bavaria, but I would like you to consider what I said." He said carefully, his voice steady and his face expressionless.

Mary could not read what those eyes hid, so she turned her gaze away from them.

His eyes never diverting from hers, his gaze fell when he noticed for the first time the pendant on her dress on front.

It wasn't any pendant, he realized. It was a set of rubies and other precious gemstones, three pearls hanging from the base. In the center of it, the enameling was of Diana, the Roman Goddess of the Hunt. She had a sword being held with her right hand, and on the left there was her loyal dog.

Diana, just like his Lady, the Goddess was a symbol of strength and incorruptibility by anyone. Being a woman the pendant intended to represent Mary. Married to Phillip –it didn't change anything, she was still incorruptible.

_So she believes_ –Chapuys said bitterly to himself.  
He knew better. The moment that child is born, especially if it is a boy, she is going to be captured by her child's eyes that she will forget all about her mother's cause and their faith. She would forfeit the cause, he was sure because in the end if there was one thing his Lady desired more than her reinstatement to the line of succession –it was motherhood.

"Then what is the problem?" Mary asked stepping closer to His Excellency.

_What is the problem?_ Chapuys thought. _Phillip of Bavaria and that you don't see through his schemes._

He married her for money, and if he got a son from her the only one who would benefit would be him.  
His cousin, the Cleves woman would bear the child first and if it was a boy than all hopes would be lost for his Lady.  
In all truth he wanted to tell that he cared for nothing more than her, it was the only reason why he still prayed at night before going to bed, kneeling before the crucifix on his wall in spite of the terrible pain he suffered from his leg.

But he could not tell her that.

Why was it she always had that effect on him?

No other woman, no other person had that effect on him, to make him feel nervous, to make him numb.

_Just breathe Eustace_ –he told himself.

"Nothing."

She shook her head vigorously and she looked straight into his eyes again.

"I don't believe you" she said never taking her eyes off his.

It was funny how you could be so calm one minute and then be angry the next with the person you were supposed to care most about.

Where had that thought come from?

Chapuys was a great Diplomat, an idealist at times, but over all a great ally and a great enemy if he so desired. He had been all that she'd felt she had left from her mother and her cousin. He had been her in the good, in the bad. When she had been sick, he had been there for her. When she had been down, sad and overtaken by defeat he had been there too. He was there always. He never gave up on her cause, because -she later told herself- her cousin commanded him.

That is just what happened to Chapuys as he heard her cold tone.

"Well then you must" He said in a tone as cold as hers and he turned to leave walking past her, ignoring the pain on his leg.

She turned around, and before he could walk out the door she said: "Since I married Phillip you have done nothing but show me coldness and scolding me like a child, I am not a child Excellency I am the granddaughter of the Catholics Monarchs of Spain and daughter of Katherine of Aragon, who are you to scold me –I demand –"

There was not time for her to finish the sentence as he spun around and replied angry:

"Then act like one! You said that you were not going to marry Luis of Portugal because it would displease your father but you know it was because you were really displeased with your cousin because he refused to pay your full dowry, a dowry you should be grateful enough Your Grace he cared to cover part of the expenses when it should have been your father's responsibility!"

Mary rolled her eyes and shook her head vigorously, annoying Chapuys even more.

"That dowry could have avoided me marrying Phillip, but don't worry Excellency you can thanks my cousin because I am finally with someone I love and had the pleasure to meet instead of writing letters to a description" She said firmly.

He smirked. "Oh really?" He challenged

"This is not a laughing matter" Mary said walking to him. "Since I was two my life has never been in my hands, and finally when I have something in my own when you said you would always care for my happiness, you want to take it away"

Chapuys ignored her last sentence.

"No, you are right it is no laughing matter_ Your Grace_. I promise you that after this night I will not give you no more advise, since it appears it is no longer needed" Chapuys said, the last part calmly through inside his whole being was seething with rage and frustration for the impotence that he was facing -no matter what he'd said his former Princess could not understand the reality of her situation or accept the true nature of her marriage with the Duke of Bavaria.

Mary nodded when Chapuys finished. She felt she had to say something, but anymore would just result in conflict and that was the last thing she, and she thought he too, wanted now.

"However," he later said. "if Your Grace ever needs a ally you can find one in me, as I told Your Grace's mother I am ever the humble servant of the Emperor and his family" He finished giving the Princess one last glance before he curtsied and left.

"Your Grace" He quickly said. Mary had no time to reply as he was out the door.

It had been the end of it.

This was what she wanted, she should be happy right? Mary asked herself knitting her eyebrows in confusion as a million thoughts circled her mind. The Ambassador was not going to bother her anymore, and hopefully not her cousin. -It was what had she been fighting for since she married Phillip.

Then why was it she was not feeling satisfied with the outcome?

* * *

Chapuys walked back to his Chambers. It was past midnight, he hadn't realize how long he had stayed with the Princess …

_No –Duchess now!_ His mind reminded him.

Every time spent with the Duchess always flew by.

He closed the doors of his Chambers and locked them to avoid anymore troubles.

The last thing he wanted was a repeat of today's incident.

He stripped from his clothing and put on a simple white linen chemise and black trousers. The room suddenly had become cold, very cold when he thought of his last words to the Duchess.

The Pendant, he was reminded of the enameling at the center. Diana, Goddess of the Hunt, it symbolized what she believed in, her faith, ironically through a pagan symbol.

Had that been a gift from her husband as well like her dress? No doubt, he thought irritably.  
Phillip of Bavaria was not only a charmer; he was also smart and cunning.

Chapuys made a mental note never to underestimate him.

Not only had he captured the daughter of the Queen of Heart's heart, but he also made her believe that she was indestructible by giving her gifts that symbolized her "independence".

Rubbing his forehead with both hands he pulled the covers on top of his body.

He didn't want to think back to the Duke of Bavaria, but it became inevitable when the only thing going around his mind was the enameling of the pendant.

_

* * *

_

"_Love is blind. There is no such thing as hate to love, all there is –is hate to obsession. Something as pure as love does not forgive, does not take prisoners … it happens gradually, you don't realize it until it is too late to turn back the clock."_  
**~Turn back on love by Anonymous**

* * *

Mary's pregnancy was going by quickly. Soon they were in September. Her first trimester was ending and the Queen's time to give birth was nearing.

Everyone was anxious for Anne of Cleves to bear England a second son, a Duke of York to secure the Tudor Line.

As promised Chapuys had not come or seen her other than official business. Their discussions were short and straight to the point.

Mary gave no objections to this, yet there was something in the pit of her stomach, and it was not her child, nagging her after His Excellency would leave.

She had what she wanted, the Ambassador had stopped from criticizing her marriage, yet Mary was not pleased with the way things were going.

In the past they used to be friends, allies and though he promised that if she ever needed an ally she would have one in him, it had not been the same since she married Phillip.

The Imperial Ambassador had become more distant towards her, he would smile and greet her with the respect that she as Duchess of Bavaria, and daughter of King deserved, but the glee that he always held for her was gone and replaced with coldness that only she could see.

Phillip was oblivious to what was going on in their marriage. In body and spirit Mary was his wife, but there were times when Mary wanted to question him. She didn't like it that he was becoming too close to Cromwell and Cranmer. She still considered them her mortal enemies for what they'd done to her mother and to her –especially Cromwell.

Satan's Emissary, if there was one man in England she would like to see beheaded it was Cromwell. Without a doubt if such miracle ever happen she would pay to see his head chopped off.

The Court was still in the same spot they hadn't moved. Her father was seeing other women. He hadn't liked Anne of Cleves in the first place. His first reaction when she came to him was that she was a horse, and a Flanders' Mare –his personal favorite insult for her.

She had a child waiting in her belly, and yet he still didn't like her.

What was that her father wanted? Mary asked. If Anne had not had her marriage consummated, her father would have already sent her back to Cleves and she?

Mary's hand traveled to her stomach, no longer flat she could now feel the bump in the middle.  
Only six more months, give or take and she would have her child in her arms. Hopefully, she prayed, it would be a boy.

She prayed day and night to all the Saints and to the Virgin Mary to intercede on her behalf and not fail where her mother had sadly failed.

_Give me a son. One to fill my empty womb._ -She had hear mother often say in her prayers when she thought Mary wasn't hearing because she had appeared to be sleep at the time of the Queen's prayers.

Her thoughts quickly returned to what would have happened if Anne had never conceived, or worse -if the marriage had never been consummated!  
What a terrible thought indeed. She and Phillip might have never been, her child would have never have filled her empty womb. And her womb would have always remained empty, just like all the other promises her father had made to her of marriage. Thank God, that in the end He had intervened on the Wittelsbach's behalf. She prayed that only he would intervene once more for the wives of the Rulers, her and Anne, for a safe delivery of their offspring. And especially in her case that her offspring could be a boy to not only please Phillip but also her father who wanted to have a grandson, and a flock of sons to inherit the throne after he would be gone.

Her father, while her husband said he didn't care what the sex of the child was as long as he or she was healthy; he continuously mentioned that it would do the Tudor Dynasty good to be blessed with more male heirs. He meant not only his wife, but Mary of course whose his hopes of having grandsons rested on.

While she should feel all the pressure of preserving his father's Dynasty on her, she did not for she knew that the greater pressure was on Anne's shoulders whom had a lot to lose if she failed like her namesake, to give her father the male heir he wanted.

It pained Mary to see her father treat his wife in such a despicable manner and it all had to do with another Howard Harlot! She had found out because of Phillip's growing friendship with Cranmer. He had informed her that since they had married, the Queen had received a new Lady In Waiting, one who was the niece of the Duke of Norfolk, her name was Katherine Howard but -he'd said- she went as "Kitty". Her father's infatuation with her had been instantaneous since the moment he laid eyes on her, according from what Phillip was told by Cranmer.

Mary nearly exploded when Phillip finished telling her all about her father's new Mistress.

_Another Howard girl who lures my father away from his rightful wife. _She had thought bitterly, feeling history repeating itself again.

_What pain must Anne be in!_ J_ust to think of all she has given my father, her virginity, her freedom, her soul even though she is a Heretic she has been forced to recant her beliefs –everything just to please the King, and he still treats her like she was nobody._

It was not fair!

Her father had been fooled once by one Harlot, did he need to fooled twice so he could learn his lesson?

She didn't get to finish that thought as she'd heard the heavy footsteps and excited voice of her husband coming to their Bed Chamber.

"Mary!" He exclaimed.

She wasn't fully dressed yet, she was still in her nightgown.

"What is it? What is wrong?" Mary asked concern upon seeing the worried expression on her husband's face.

"The Queen …" he staggered "my c-ousin … she is in labor"

"Then that is good news" Mary said giving him a smile thinking it was odd since it was always him who have the smiles.

Phillip's face fell.

"Phillip what is wrong?" Mary asked concerned upon seeing her husband's grim expression.

He walked to where Mary was laying and sat on the bed next to her, He murmured something so low that Mary couldn't hear so she asked him again "Phillip what is the matter?"

"They don't think she can survive Mary"

Mary's hand flew to her mouth.

"And the baby?" She asked immediately as soon as her shock had passed.

"It can be saved but Dr. Butts ... and your father ... they say that ..." Phillip could not bring himself to say it but Mary understood.

Her father would be forced to make the same choice like with her late stepmother Jane Seymour, her life or the child's. Unlike before where he'd hesitated because it was Jane Seymour, he would not lift one finger to save Anne, he hated her.

Never in her life had she seen Phillip so forlorn and broken, she sat up and put her hand on top of his.

Phillip turned to face her, emerald eyes met dark gray.

"It is going to be alright, God will provide"

She wanted to add _God will find a way_, but she couldn't find her voice to say anymore lies.

Phillip felt the warmth of Mary's skin against his cold hand.

He was pale, and he had bags under his eyes. Mary had never seen him like this, but she understood what he was going through, she had been going through the same thing when her stepmother, the late Queen Jane Seymour had been in labor with her brother Edward.

When she had heard that her mother was dying, she hadn't slept, she hadn't ate. Day and night whenever she would be out of sight from Lady Sheldon and Lady Bryant, she would pray for her mother -that she may recovered and in desperation she would add to her prayers a hopeless wish that her father would leave the Harlot and return to her mother so they could be a family again, and she could be his pearl.

Phillip must be thinking the same thing, he loved his cousin like no other in his family. He had said it many times, him and his brother did not get along and he had never known his father for he'd died when Phillip was one. His mother was never there and she died when he and his brother were very young. The Cleves, especially Anne, he'd say to Mary, was the only part of his family he truly felt he could call them family, especially Anne whom he loved as a sister.

She felt Phillip now clutch his hand.

"It will be alright, I promise" She said once more. The roles had been turned, now it was her smile which had become contagious forcing him to smile and nod his head in return, but he hadn't been convinced, and neither had she -even if she had been the one to speak with such determination that ought to have left no room for doubt.

_False hopes._

The fate of Anne of Cleves would be decided today.

_That is_ if her father gave her a chance.

* * *

**A/N: Those pendants with enameling figurines on the center were very popular and were usually in multicolor. This trend became a fashion during the Renaissance as well as Baroque Jewelry which will be more seen in future chaptes. Symbolism for me IS VERY IMPORTANT as it hints to where the story is going and where CHARY is going also.**

**I went to the museum of art where I saw a lot of Byzantinium Art, and Renaissance Brooches, Pendants, Enameling, jewelry and more ornaments worn by men and women by the period such as belt buckles and cloth buckles which helps me more when I describe what the characters are wearing, and it adds meaningful symbolism to the character's profiles.**

**The pace is slow because in all honesty, in realy life these were very religious figures and though this is only fiction and AU as most of the fanfictions, I still want to get a degree of realism by capturing the character's historical profiles more than their showtime's counterparts, though as you have read I do mix in history with the show's timeline. **


	10. Back to the Start

**Disclaimer: No I don't own anything, that would make me God and a millionaire producer.**

**Thanks to all my readers and those who have reviewed.  
I hope I have been living up to your expectations please don't forget to review**

**~Caroilna  
**

* * *

"_You may believe that nothing is wrong until you are crying,  
crying on me__!  
That life is too long until you are dying, dying on me  
You think that everybody is the same  
__I don't think that anybody is like you  
You think that everybody is the same  
I don't think anybody is like you"_  
~**Re-arranged by Limp Bizkit.**

* * *

That is if her father let Anne of Cleves live ...

Mary thought grimly how everything was passing in the form of a vicious cycle in their lives. For the longest time Mary believed she had nothing to live for except her mother's faith, and aspiration that one day she could become Queen.

_Que no se te olvide eres descendiente de Fernando e Isabela y algun dia seras Reina. [1]_

Her mother had said what for Mary now seemed ages ago. She had to her mother that she would be Queen, and that she would make her parents proud, especially her.

That promise was kept, Mary might not become Queen of England (if Anne bore a son that is) but she was destined, she still believed, to become a great ruler alongside Phillip. He was a Duke, a Ruler Duke at that. In spite of what the others thought of Phillip, she believed he would make a great Ruler, because he had a great woman by his side to teach him, her.

Besides, Philip had mentioned that her brother was leaving no heirs and that he would soon reclaim his title and his Uncles' to become the new Count Palatine. Just imagine, thought Mary, if Phillip becomes Count Palatine as well that will elevate him in my father's book, and in my cousin's. The latter of which was more important for Mary.

She depended a lot on her father's love and approval, but second after her father's was her cousin's who had been a great asset, and help throughout all her life -after her father's unholy union with the Harlot.

If it had not been for his support Mary would not be here right now -she felt.

She could feel Phillip squeeze her hand as they walked to the Queen's Chambers. They were not allowed to get in.

Inside were the midwives, the Royal Physicians, Doctors Linacre and Butts and of course the Queen's must trusted Ladies In Waiting. That gave Mary some comfort as she clutched the rosary that had once belonged to her mother, handed to her by her late stepmother -Jane Seymour, that the Queen's new Lady, the new Harlot was not there with her.

Her presence alone would be enough to curse the mother and the child.

Mary prayed for a safe delivery, though she was supposed to care, for this child (based on its gender) could either elevate her or separate her more from the succession. At this point she did not care however on what her sibling's gender was, she only cared that he or she as its mother would be allowed to live -_that is if my father decides to speak for both_-she reminded herself as she heard Phillip greet the person she least expected to see.

There was the Imperial Ambassador, Eustace Chapuys standing before the Duke and the Duchess of Bavaria.

He curtsied to the Duke and to the Duchess.

_I should use a cane_ -Chapuys thought feeling the pain in his leg returning after two days of being absent. _-but that would make me seem more like the broken and decayed Ambassador that Marillac thinks me to be, and that I am sure half of this blasted Court thinks of me too._

He finished his line of thought as he head the Duke's voice greeting him in return.

"Your Excellency, is a good thing to see you here. Is there any news on my cousin's condition?" The Duke asked him in a hurried tone, like the impetuous young man he was.

Seeing into his emerald eyes he saw no patience to anyone or anything but , he mentally scoffed, he was not.  
There was more naivety and impatience in these man's eyes than any of the proud English nobles and Royals he had been witnessed of in his life-time, and that -for Eustace- was saying something.

His Master's cousin, Her Grace's eyes were as pensive as were expected. She had one weakness, feeling empathy for others. Unlike her husband, and the rest of the Court she put her own needs below the others. It was always watching over Elizabeth, Edward or watching over Phillip before putting her needs in first place.

Naive and irritable, yet a trait he found to admire over time in the former Princess.

He returned his gaze to the Duke, who did not take notice, and if he did he did not seem to care (as he had other things on mind), that he had not returned his wife's greeting.

"His Majesty has reached a decision with the Physicians." He told the Royal couple.

Both, especially the Duchess, leaned forward, their eyebrows arched.

"The labor has lasted more than usual and it has come to a decision, either the Queen's life or the child's and since His Majesty has suspected it was a boy because Her Majesty's womb was always round centered instead of being low like it would be if it was a girl"

Chapuys, by the time he had finished watched the Duke's face falling, his wife coming closer to his side clutched his hand and put her other harm on her shoulder where she rested her rosary on. It was her mother's rosary, Chapuys noted.

The closer Mary neared Phillip's left ear, the sicker Chapuys got. He felt he would throw up at any minute his morning breakfast. He had to move away from the scene, thankfully though Fleming was there with him and when he moved away from the distraught couple, Fleming walked alongside with his Master closer to the Queen's Chambers were sudden screams of pains echoed the hallways.

Phillip shot his head in surprise as he heard the screams from his cousin, the Queen of England and Lady of Cleves. Though he did not share Mary's beliefs, at this moment he was willing to try the old ways for the sake of his cousin's and his niece or nephew's health.

He began, as his eyes opened to Mary. "Sweetheart I know you do not believe in God the way I do, but I have always been interested in the old ways, I want to learn. Please" he said, his voice becoming more passionate as he took Mary's hands in his own, he could feel the rough texture of her mother's rosary against his skin. "allow me to pray with you for the Queen and for the child."

"Phillip" She said slowly. She could not believe he was asking her this.

"It will be an honor" Mary said.

Phillip could not smile to show his happiness because at the moment he felt helpless, the woman he had grown to love as a sister could be exhaling her last breath at any moment. He needed Mary's security, her strength which was much greater than his. Mary gladly gave it to him.

They began to pray, first for their cousin and half sibling respectively, and then lowering their voice they prayed for the Queen's health that she might have a safe delivery and that both she and the child might survive the pains of childbirth.

* * *

Hours passed and the screams of the Queen intensified. The Physicians were having a hard time restraining the Queen and the midwives, some of them had pink and purple bruises on their eyes and scratch marks on their arms. They all tried very hard to restrain the Queen from harming herself and from harming her _captors_.

They tried telling Anne too that she was not their prisoner, they were all here to help her, but Anne did not listen. All she knew was that her life was doomed with the delivery of this child. She had never known pain like this before. She had heard about it through her sister Sybilla and her mother, they said it was natural that all women who were mothers had gone through it. Her mother and her sister had survived, why shouldn't she?

But unlike their labor pains, hers was different because not only was she carrying a child, she was carrying Henry VIII's child and like all his wives she had inherited the curse that accompanied childbirth ... DEATH.

Katherine of Aragon when she'd borne babies, the story was very popular even in Germany, all her babies except one had been dead. Lady Mary, now the Duchess of Cleves and her stepdaughter was the only survivor of her mother's miscarriages. Lady Elizabeth's mother, the same story. The stress had sentenced them to death. One a slow and painful death in a prison Castle, living in poverty and condemned never to see her mother again, and the other a swift and shameful death with the blow of a sword. Both their daughters had been left orphans. But alas, when fate seemed to smile on them with Jane Seymour; fate had returned with the vengeance for the woman who stepped over Anne Boleyn's bloodied shoes and took her away leaving yet another child orphan.

Anne did not know if God was out there, or if he was listening, but if He was, she prayed to him that please do not let her die. As heartless as her prayer sounded to Him, she preferred for the child to die if her fate was to die. She would not condemn another child to an orphan life in the most vile Court in all of Europe. No, she would not have it that way! Either both lived, or none lived at all.

Soon her wish would be answered.

As she saw the Doctors open a box where they pulled out an scalpel, Anne took a deep breath and prepared herself for the tougher rode ahead.

She was not afraid though, she had made her peace with God. At least, she thought, if she were to die now, she would have some company in Heaven with her father and her child.

* * *

Mary and Phillip had finished praying when the Queen's cries died down. Phillip's head turned to the Queen's chamber door in alarm. It was only him, his wife, His Excellency, and other Ambassadors, along with some man servants from His Majesty.

The cries had ceased when him and Mary's last prayer ended.

Mary's head shot up in alarm at the same time as the Ambassador Chapuys' when one set of cries broke the deadly silence.

It was a newborn's cry. Mary gasped when the Physicians came from the room, a grave look on their faces.

No, Mary thought, it could not be. Not Anne ... not her ... please don't let her be ...

But she was, as she locked eyes with the Ambassador's who nodded. Mary did not shed tears as she had for Jane Seymour upon learning of her death.

He looked away moments later when the King came rushing in. He had probably had already heard the cries from his newborn, by now everyone probably had.

After a deadly silence as the child's cries died down slowly, her father cut the tension in the room as he stood face to face with the Physicians.

He could not wait this time for the news of his offspring's gender. This was not a woman he loved, or cherished, this was a woman he was forced to love or bed just for the sake of obtaining a Duke of York, a second heir to maintain his Tudor Dynasty. He had to know once and for all, Mary thought as he saw her father's expectant stare, if marrying the Flander's Mare had been worth the wile.

"What is it?" He asked again when the Physicians began trembling.

Mary could already see the future, you didn't have to be a astrologer to know what was going to happen next after they informed him the bad news.

However, for better or for worse, in this case Mary considered it for worse, one of the midwives came quickly bowing in front of her father.

"Your Majesty" She began, she had trouble looking at the King as she had one purple eye, product of the German fist that had collided to her face after she tried to calm the Queen down.

The King showed no compassion to the hurt maid, like with his Royal Physicians he screamed "Well what is it? What did the Queen have?"

Before the Physicians could answer, the maid replied: "A girl Your Majesty ... The Queen did not survive the birth and the child ..."

"Yes?" Asked the King more angry than impatient.

The midwife was forced to look down, she was afraid to face the King right now, but she was forced to respond, she had no choice.

"The child has just died ... it stopped breathing ... we tried everything but ..."

The maid did not get to finish as the King left the room in a hurry. There was no pain in his eyes, no sadness, only fear and desperation.

* * *

_"And we start from zero. When you make believe that nothing is wrong, he comes to you again. You do not realize it, but one death changes us for better or for worst, it happens the same with the evolution of the relationship, from strangeness it becomes love. But be careful because once you open your gates to love, you can never close them." _**~Open the gates by Anonymous**

* * *

Now that his wife was gone, and so the child he began plotting. He needed a new wife, someone younger, someone stronger, someone who could love him and that he could in return.

He had the perfect candidate.

But his ambitions did not stop there. For if he married his rose without a thorn, a single male heir would not be enough, for security, just for now until he could marry his true love, he would have to deposit all his hopes on his first grandchild.

He looked at the old Crucifix that was on top of his drawer next to his four poster bed. He had not prayed to that Silver Crucifix since Sir Thomas' death.

Of all the people Henry had executed, there was not one he more regretted than Sir Thomas. He had been his loyal servant, he said so himself in his execution, but had been blind, very blind because of that witch, that whore Anne Boleyn.  
Out of all the damage she had done when he'd married her, the only good thing that came from her was Elizabeth. He loved that child, sometimes more than Mary. Though Mary would always have a special place in his heart, it was Elizabeth whom he considered his True Tudor Rose.

* * *

The months passed and the whole Country mourned another Consort and their lost unnamed Princess. Mary felt more pressured now than ever. When Anne of Cleves had died, all the hopes of getting another male heir were deposited on her.

Phillip tried to calm her down by telling her of what great life awaited the next ruler of Bavarian, and possibly he would add, the next Count Palatine.

Like her he was ambitious, though he tended not to flaunt it like the rest of his English Counterparts. The death of Anne of Cleves, the cousin he loved like a sister had changed him, and it changed her as well.

One week later after the time mourning for Anne of Cleves had passed for them, His Excellency came to visit her.

Somehow he always seemed to know when she would be alone. At this point nothing about Chapuys surprised her. She knew that he had a network of spies, and she wouldn't put it past him to bribe some of her own maids at Hunsdon where she was currently staying.

She was seven months pregnant now, she felt herself very heavy.

She had spent the Holidays with her father who did not seem ever remotely sad for the loss of his wife or his shot-lived Princess. Instead, he had taken the time of Christmas Celebrations to introduce his future wife, Katherine Howard.

Mary had to stop herself from yelling at her **Harlot** and** whore**. If it hadn't been for her, Anne of Cleves would still be alive. She had gone into early labor because of the stress that her father and her former Lady In Waiting had put her through with their affair behind her back. Though she had seen Kitty Howard on few occasions with her late stepmother, she had never got the chance to talk to her, not that she cared, she had no desire then as she had no desire now to talk to this frivolous whore.

Whore, that is all she would ever amount to be, a whore just like her cousin the doomed Lady Anne Boleyn.

She was glad to hear that after the New Year was over, her father had given her and her husband permission to travel back to Hunsdon. He agreed that the fresh air would do her and her grandchild good.

Phillip had warned her that it would be wise not to upset her father anymore. Though her father had expressed no displeasure, Phillip could tell that he wasn't pleased with them. His future wife could be the future mother of the Duke of York, Mary had to acknowledge her at some point before she became Queen, but Mary would not listen. Why did she have to acknowledge her? She would say. Phillip not wanting to discuss anymore put the matter to rest, but for the future, he made a mental note not to give up. Their acceptance, especially his wife's depended on how well she behaved with Kitty Howard.

"Excellency" she greeted as her attentions were focused on Chapuys whom she was surprised to see gripping a cane. Her eyes turned to concern as she focused more on the Ambassador's leg where the gout was said to be.

"Are you alright?" She asked in deep worry.

"Your Grace I am afraid I am suffering from a little bit of gout" he responded.

"Please sit" She said quickly. He obliged taking a seat in an arm chair next to her. He hoped that what he came to call the curse of the armchair would not repeat itself for the third time.

He felt comfortable as he gave a long sigh. He hated having this cane, he really did. But the Physician gave him no choice, it was either that or having to rely on the shoulders of others, something nobody -he'd vowed- would ever see him doing.

"How are you? I am sorry that I have not reported myself back to you" She said earnestly. "Things have been very ... strange"

Chapuys nodded. "I agree, the Emperor does not agree either with your father's new love. Rumors are that he has already married her" He said calmly watching how his former Princess' eyes went wide with shock.

"What?" She asked outrage. "No. How could he have done that? Did he not learn his lesson with Anne Boleyn?" She said spitting the name Anne Boleyn as if it was venom

Chapuys lifted an eyebrow. After all these years her hatred for Anne Boleyn had not lessened. Her father's latest marriage, if he had indeed had married the young woman, would only intensify her hatred for the King's late concubine.

"I am afraid the King is very much in love with the Howard girl, and he has not deterred as I have told your cousin from his amorous pursuit with this silly girl. But regardless of who she is related, she is or will be your father's Queen, it is recommendable that you show her respect, your own cousin has told me to pass this message unto to you" He said leaning forward, his voice becoming lower as they both knew that every wall on England had more than one set of ears.

Mary tilted her head and her eyebrows still raised she said in disbelief "How can I respect her? I hate her!"

Chapuys avoided the urge to tell her anymore, casting a brief glance at her swollen belly, he didn't want to cause her or her unborn child anymore stress. Though he still believed her marriage to Phillip of Bavaria a mistake, if the Queen failed to give the King a son, than all the hopes to restoring England would rest on her and on the child she was carrying. It was the sole reason why he had not slept for nearly a week, praying to God and all the Saints that the child resting in the Duchess' womb might be a son.  
Regardless of what its education could be, if He or She was anything like its mother, then it would have its mother's true heart and logic, hopefully if it was a boy he could help his mother (he was willing to give her child the benefit of the doubt despite what its education would be) restore England to the Nation it was meant to be, and pull it away from the clutches of Heresy and the Devil.

"It is necessary that you must, your father everyone expects you to" Chapuys said, his tone still calm.

His relaxed position made her relax herself in her seat. She had been moving constantly, even when she was resting from the anxiety she felt because of her pregnancy, and as of now her father's recent marriage.

She could not accept Kitty Howard, she never would. That was impossible! Why accept a woman who was cousin to the Concubine responsible for ruining her life and her mother's?

But eventually she saw the logic in the Ambassador's advice. If she didn't "submit" herself to her father's new wife, dire consequences would await her. She would repeat history once more like when she had refused the Harlot's offer, which she was still glad to have done so, but this time this Harlot's offer would be different for everyone would recognize her as her father's wife.

"Then there is no choice?"

Chapuys shook his head "I am afraid not Your Grace"

"Very well then" she began "tell my cousin that he can stop worrying over me, I will accept my father's proposal and marriage and I will show nothing but kindness to England's new Queen" She said giving him a light grin.

He was not convinced, he knew she would continue to blame the new Queen for the late Queen's death and the death of her sibling, but on the brighter side his former princess was learning the rules of the game, and that for him, was a great advantage for it would help her a great deal, especially if the child she carried in her belly was a a boy, England's future King and Duke of Bavaria.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to SSLE (Dani) who encouraged me to do this chapter.**

**[1] Spanish to English:_ Don't forget that you are descendant from Fernando and Isabel and that one day you will be Queen._**

***Also I will put Kitty Howard's age around nineteen, since the series made her be younger, but her birth year is around 1521, she was only five years younger than Mary so she will still be nineteen for next chapter, her month though I put it around March, my own invention around the time when Mary's child is supposed to be born, when she will turn 20.**

***So what will the first Tudor Bavarian be, Lady or Lord?  
**


	11. Strange discussion and a Lady's Dilema

**Disclaimer: No I don't own anything, that would make me God and a millionaire producer.**

**Thanks to Dynel for his reviews, yes he is that crazy spider guy with that anonymous review username, dynel get a username lol!  
**

**Thanks as well to all my other reviewers, like Dynel I want to also thank Dani [SSLE] for helping me with some cool ideas for this story and brainstorming, and also dynel I want to add that he has helped me with my writing and if you ever need to know something about the Tudor period just ask me, Dani [SSLE]or Artemis Samhain since she is also a history major, especially if you are writing CHARY.**

**I would like to take this time to make some fanfic recommendations, besides the obvious such as CHARY, you can look up the others in my favorites that I have often repeated. There is a new story, slight crossover with twilight is called twilight my version by Tudorforever1500, for Arthur/KOA lovers I really recommend it.**

**~Caroilna  
**

* * *

"_Love conquers all_

_Thank God that our hardships are over,  
Thank God that we will never have to know disgrace again  
and thank the Lord and all the Saints that I am here with you  
again"_  
~**Epilogue by Anonymous**

_

* * *

_

After Chapuys left the Duchess' company, he traveled back to the Embassy at Whitehall. Upon reaching his Chambers another dose of that horrible medicine awaited him. The Physician told him, more like ordered him (thought Chapuys irritated when he spotted the small vial on top of his desk) that he had to take it every day.

Fleming, had no doubt put it there.

Oh Fleming, was there something that man did not know about him?

No, Fleming knew everything there was to know about Eustace, and vice verse Eustace felt like a fool for Fleming who had started as a simple servant, had now become a Master at masking his emotions better than him.

Eustace sipped up what was left of the potion in the vial. It tasted like vomit, as usual, that could only mean the dose was stronger.

He felt the pain ease the moment he had drank the tonic, but it didn't make the night any easier.

He had trouble sleeping when he remembered about the Duchess' worries. She had a lot to lose if the child in her womb was not the grandson her father hoped.

Should Prince Edward that is, not live past his infancy, the Duchess' son could become the next King of England, uniting the Heretic Territories with the Country.

Everyone at Court knew of the Prince's poor health, and by now they thought that the King was cursed never to have a healthy male heir to succeed him, that is why all his hopes were deposited on the child inside his eldest daughter's womb.

For her sake, he too hoped that it would be a boy, even if that half German, half English heir would not be the heir his Master would hope to control. The Tudor-Wittelsbach would be a Tudor and a Heretic, and if he was anything as proud like his grandfather then there was no way Chapuys could see the child working for an Imperial alliance between both their Countries. Like his grandfather he would be a very proud, and arrogant King, a Conqueror at heart.

England had lived through many Heretic Kings before, mad men and women who wanted to seize the throne and take not only England but all the world, such men like the present King, would inherit their ambitions and madness to the Duchess' offspring if it was a son.

He thought sourly about that child. For not only would it inherit England, but it would unite England and the Protestant Territories. If it what he was told was true, then the Duke of Bavaria was not only close to becoming Count Palatine, he was also closer now to become ruler of the major German Heretic territories. His cousins and Uncles had left no male heirs, those who had -their sons were weak and they would probably not live like the King of England's son, past their infancy. The only heir who would reclaim those titles and territories would be Phillip Wittelsbach.  
Chapuys made the sign of the cross. He hoped that the child, if it was indeed a boy that he would be a better Ruler and (especially better) Administrator than his father, and not lose control of his Kingdom because of the same benign neglect.

* * *

Eustace took the days when he had returned to the Embassy and while recovering from the after taste of the medicine that Dr. Butts gave him, he began to write to the Emperor once more telling him that the King did not deter from his amorous pursuit nor from his ambition to control all souls in England.

Close to five hundred last year alone had been burned, imprisoned or decapitated, Catholics and Heretics alike. There was no end to the King's madness and since he had wedded Mistress Katherine Howard, his madness only seemed to increase more.

After Chapuys finished writing his last letter he sealed it shut and gave it to Fleming, gave him strict instructions to hand the letter to Master Roach, a man servant and spy of his that would make sure the letter would get to the right hands.

"Right away sir" Fleming had said but he did not move.

Eustace turned to look up at Fleming. "Is there something you want to say Fleming?" He asked in his worst irritable voice.

"If I may sir ... I was wondering if you could shed some light -"

He didn't get to finish as Chapuys cut his sentence harshly -"What now?"

"His Excellency is not well and you have refused to see the Duke of Bavaria, he has been asking for your presence a lot these days, he came by yesterday and he says it is very urgent" Fleming said, his face as the tone of his voice were completely neutral.

Chapuys had been too right with Fleming, he was both good at masking his beliefs, as he was making others tick, including his own Master.

After a while of keeping silence, pondering on whether he should consider seeing the Duke of Bavaria, he finally asked:  
"Is he still here?"

He hoped that Fleming would say no, he had no desire to see anybody at this time, much less that man.

Eustace often asked himself why was it he was on England anyway? He didn't like the weather, certainly like the people nor their useless King, and even the foreigners at Court were insufferable, especially the French Ambassador -Marillac.  
For some reason Marillac irritated him more than any other person on the English Court, with the exception of the Duke of Bavaria of course. Marillac was like Eustace, willing to go to any lengths to get a French Alliance with England. The only problem with Marillac was that he relied too much on his eyes where Eustace was concerned.  
When he saw Eustace he saw a broken man, old and weary with gout on his leg, he did not see the cynic and cunning politician he was known for.  
If he didn't know better, he would say that Marillac was trying to replace Chapuys as new dominant Foreign figure. Much like a new wolf to the pack, he was challenging the older Alpha male.  
Because he was younger and he had greater recommendations, and a keen eye like Chapuys, and also to his advantage -many in the English Court had strong French sympathies, he thought he could take on Chapuys and leave without a scratch.  
He was wrong. He hadn't seen the best of him yet.

"Yes. He is waiting outside" Fleming's reply broke his chain of thought about his foreign rival.

Eustace as he was about to reply, did something else instead, something that surprised Fleming for the first time, who had thought he had seen it all with his Master, he was wrong.

"You think I should receive him and please speak without riddles or asking another question, only fools do that and I don't take you for a fool Fleming" Chapuys said with a cutting edge tone.

As was expected, Fleming was shocked to hear his Master ask him for his opinion. The tone he had heard it before, it was the way him and other men above his station addressed themselves to their servants, but never had he heard of a man as proud as His Excellency to ask a mere servant, a commoner who was more below him for his opinion. Yet Fleming hid his surprised quickly, closing his eyes for a moment pondering on what should be the right answer to say to him.

The right answer, that was difficult in the case of his Master there was no right or wrong, only better or worse. So he chose the better answer.

"Sir I think it is necessary that you should receive him. He has been at your door for months now. The only times you have been seen speaking with Your Grace has been with the Duchess present, it will do your Master's cause no good if you keep refusing him, especially now that he is becoming close friends with the two greatest Heretics on His Majesty's Court" Fleming explaiend.

Chapuys raised an eyebrow. Fleming had evolved, he had become not only a great masker, also a great observant.

"Furthermore if Your Excellency permits me ..." Fleming stopped waiting for his Master's nod, when he gave it to him he continued "if the Duke of Bavaria's position improves with his friendship to the King's two greatest advisers -"

Chapuys could not resist the urge to snort when Fleming mentioned the word_ friendship. _  
Fleming and the former Princess had to be the only two people in this God forsaken Island to think that such a word still existed in their Country's dictionary.

Fleming went on ignoring his Master's snorts. "he could escalate above others, many said that the death of his close relative, the late Queen, Anne of Cleves has changed him and he has becoming an active participant in the Court's machinations. If he were to have a son that would only elevate him and his wife higher. I do suggest you see him."

After Fleming finished Chapuys grabbed his cane and stood up. He had no need to dress since he had woken very early in the morning, as he usually did to put on his best garments. He possessed no especial jewelry, unlike other Ambassadors he did not like to be known for his jewelry or his expensive clothing. He did not want to be noticed at all, being in the shadows was the best way to achieve his means.

"Sir let me help you"

Chapuys held a hand up.

"Your forget one thing Fleming" He said as he walked out of his bed chamber. "The Duke will be elevated beyond his wildest dreams if he bores the King a heir to succeed him after Prince Edward."

"That is exactly what I said sir"

Chapuys shook his head "No Fleming. You have mastered every emotion and learned the way the Court works, but you still have a long way to go if you think the former Princess will benefit anything from her husband's elevation."

Fleming narrowed his eyes and arch brows, not fully understanding. "Sir?"

Chapuys stifled a chuckle. "The King will elevate the child, elevate her husband's pension and subsequently move on to adopt the child as his own. His tutors will be decided, if they are not already before the boy can be nursed. The King wants his name to live on, he doesn't want his daughter to rule after her son, with a son he has an excuse to set her aside."

"B-but her mother was an anointed Queen, everyone knows that -"

"And you think that matters to the King? If you know your history well Fleming than you know what happened when Matilda and her husband Geoffrey of Anjou tried to take the throne after her father Henry I died. She talked like a man, educated in Germany, and married to a foreigner, she was rejected by the people because she lacked charisma. Your people Fleming prefer soft talk over a strong fist, and that is exactly what they got when they fought to replace Empress Matilda for her uncle Stephen, the only left surviving son of William the Conqueror. You are very naive Fleming if you think the Duchess can have a chance of ruling this Country."

Fleming said nothing after his Master finished. He knew he was right, he knew enough of English history to know that his people would make the same mistake, but his Master was forgetting that the people also had good reason to fear a woman Monarch. Since the war of the Roses everyone was fearing civil war again, the Tudor Dynasty after all was still relatively new.

"Should I tell the Duke you are unavailable then?"

"If he knocks that door again do tell him"

"He has already knocked and he is waiting outside" Fleming responded him in his usual calmness.

Chapuys could not believe as he entered his Entrance Chamber that all this time that he had been discussing the matter of the succession and the Duke's importance with Fleming, that the Duke had been there outside his Chambers all this time.

"And you told him to wait?"

"He was very insistent sir" Fleming said.

Couldn't God just grant him one lousy day where Fleming didn't have to question his orders or do things before telling him?

He guessed not and finding no other excuse he told Fleming to open the door for the Duke of Bavaria and let him in.

Fleming did as he was told -this time- and received the Duke who greeted him with a slight grin. After Fleming left he and the Duke greeted each other.

Everything about this man, Eustace found it suspicious. Everyone was taken by his smile, most of all his wife. The way they thought of him, you would think he was a demi God or something. Chapuys and Marillac were the only ones who could see right through him. Scared, shy, honest? He was not, Phillip of Bavaria, Chapuys became surer now as he saw into his Green emerald eyes, was just as ambitious as the rest of the Royal Courtiers.

"Excellency I have been trying to reach you, your man servant probably has told you I have knocked on your door several times and it is very important that we both talk" Phillip said. His grin disappeared and it was replaced with a serious expression. "It concerns the Duchess"

Chapuys raised his eyebrows. Phillip had said the key word to grab his attention.

"And what does Her Grace have to do with your visit Your Grace?"

"May we sit, please?" Phillip asked him in a formal tone.

Chapuys nodded and both sat on separate sofas, facing each other.

"I want to know that I am well aware that your Master is not at all pleased with the turn of events regarding his cousin's marriage to me. My wife has had troubles sleeping at night thinking she had caused great damage because she chose me instead of your master." Phillip started with no derision in his voice; for he hadn't had the intention to come all the way to Whitehall for squabbling "I thought myself indeed responsible for her sadness, I am beholden to the Emperor now as the cause of my wife's initial grief."

"And Mary of Hungary you might as well blame her" Chapuys said.

"Excellency I am not blaming every Imperial that has crossed her door, our doors. I know you have always been a constant in her life, I want you to be so, but if you would stop from telling her about the problems of her cousin, it does not concern us anymore, we have enough to worry about with her father exerting pressure on her like crazy"

Was this boy telling Chapuys how to do his job? Did he thought he could come in here and give him instructions on how to be a better ally and Diplomat for Her Grace?

"Then if she has great advise such as the one you see fit to give me, then I don't see the purpose of this visit"

"Excellency I thought I made it clear what I said was -"

Chapuys did not let him finish.

"No Your Grace you did not." Chapuys said releasing a light chuckle. "You cannot come here and tell me how I should do my duty to my Master better anymore than what you have already established I should abstain myself from doing. Why don't we both agree that we won't bother each other or Her Grace. You do your duty in Court, I will do mine where I always do in the real world."

Phillip blinked twice.

"If I said something to cause this behavior on you I apologize -"

"Don't Your Grace, you are a Duke, I am but a commoner, a Duke never apologizes"

"I am not any Duke I am Duke of Bavaria and soon -"

"Count Palatine and I have to say that fate has been smiling at you greatly, you will step over your weak cousins' inheritances and you will become one of the richest men in all of Germany as the most powerful, I can only imagine why the sudden flock of friends at your side, _makes very little sense_"

"I think I should come when His Excellency is in a better mood" Phillip said standing from his chair and heading to the door.

"One more thing Your Grace, a word of _friendly_ advise"

Phillip turned. "Yes?"

"For the future when you want to knock on my door, please don't. It doesn't look good when you are too insistent, in this Court that is a sign of weakness."

Chapuys said no more and watched Phillip slam the door behind him.

Eustace snorted, that young man was having very little control over his emotions. A Duke insisting to seek the advice of a mere Ambassador ... _Just when I thought I had seen it all_, thought Eustace, _there is still a lot left to amuse me._

* * *

_"Intelligence is always of secondary importance in enchanting men, although it should eventually be apparent to any man who is himself intelligent _**~The Satanic Witch p.201, by Anton Szander La Vey.

* * *

**

Mary was finishing reading her favorite work of Plato, The Republic. She put her book down on the table next to her where there were plenty of other Classics that had become her company in the last three weeks.

The time for her to go into labor, she felt, was nearing. The baby inside her kicked harder each time. She was not afraid to die in childbirth, despite her experience in watching the people she cared about, die. It was the safety of her baby that mattered most. If she failed to produce a male heir, she feared her father would be more than disappointed at her, he would be furious at the both of them, her and Phillip.  
He would blame Cromwell no doubt, he would tell him that not only he had given him a wife who had produced nothing but a dead girl and she died too along with her babe, but also a son in law who could not provide his daughter and England with another male heir.

Phillip had assured her that there was nothing to worry about, nothing to fear, but he was wrong. There was **lot** to fear. This was not Germany, Spain, Bavaria or Cleves ... **this was England**. Her father was King, Lord and Pope of everyone. His word was Law, and as Head of the Church his authority was as High as God's. Nobody could contend his word, to do so would be suicide. He already had half of the Poles executed, and her old Governess the Countess Salisbury, had been arrested as well three years ago because she was the mother of her childhood friend Reginald Pole, a man her father had tried to kidnap from Rome so he could be brought to his justice.

Thank God, Mary always prayed, that Reginald was safe in Rome. His mother however was not. Because of Phillip's growing friendship, something she didn't approve, with the Archbishop Cranmer and the Master Secretary, she had found out that Salisbury was surprisingly doing well, considering her age. Phillip told her that it was risky to send a letter to Lady Salisbury, but she could send a message through one of the Guards.  
She had asked Phillip if that was even possible -won't they get in trouble?

Phillip had shaken his head and said no. He was serious about this, like Mary he thought that what the King was doing was wrong, but there he was making friends with Cromwell and worse with that Heretic Cranmer -she thought bitterly.

She brought her hand to her forehead again_ -In the name of the father, the son and the Holy Spirit ..._ she said in perfect Latin. Thinking of that Heretic was as unholy as the friendship that Phillip was forming with those Heretics.

Her husband would not be back for another hour or another day.

These days he was busy talking with Cranmer and with other members at Court.

She remembered when her husband had entered Court asking her permission to Court her. He had been very shy back then. It seemed like centuries when they'd met. Their near one year old marriage had seemed to Mary like an Eternity. She felt she knew Phillip her whole life, yet the same could not be said for the impression he had of her.

Phillip was sweet, an honorable man but like most men of honor he was a romantic who thought in absolutes, that is he thought of Mary as the constant damsel in distress in need of saving, calling to her Blue Prince to take her from her haunted Castle where the Dragon was her captor.

She had been captive from the Dragon for nearly eight years, until He came, Phillip. Like a dashing Knight he had rescued her, he had rid her from her father and her other captors, yet unlike fairy tales in which they moved to his Enchanting castle, Phillip stayed here first it had been her, and now it was to please her father.

After his cousin died he had changed, as all the Court did as well. He became more active in Court life. No longer was he the shy, scared and timid young Duke of a few words, instead he had become into an extrovert Courtier who saw her father's Court as a place of opportunity, and it was but it was also a place where there was constant danger -but in spite of giving Phillip the warning, he still went to Court more often than she did, and to her chagrin he had begun to show great respect for the new Queen, Kitty Howard whom he justified to Mary that it would do them no good if they were on the Queen's black list.

Mary said nothing but nod her head, it was what she constantly did these days, just nod her head at whatever Phillip did or said at Court.

Court had become for Phillip like his second home. He had found a thrill there, and he had been learning, much to her distaste, by the greatest liar of all, Master Secretary Cromwell, her greatest enemy.

In no time as Mary began to doze off, she let her hand travel to the pendant that was on her favorite dress. The color of Royalty, purple, Phillip had ordered a new pendant on it. This was very different from all the others, this had a special inscription around the multicolor enamel. In German it read _"Angel of Wales"_ and behind those words were the figures of Artemis and Apollo, the Twin Deities of the hunt, music and arts respectively.

She had once been revered as the Princess of Wales, her father's beloved, his Crown jewel, Governess of Wales. Her fortress, Ludlow located at the Welsh Marches had been her Kingdom, everything from the I can see in the County of Wales had been hers, and her father had let her have it. She had been this close to being invested Princess of Wales, this close -she thought- but along came a spider, whom she later learned came from a family of snakes and scorpions. They had taken everything she had ever loved from her. Her mother, her Kingdom, her title.

Her mother had once called her _"the Angel of Wales"_ - and she never knew if that was a dream or if it really happened, but a similar pendant had been given to her. It was the same as the one Phillip had given her, except it was a locket containing Athena at the center and the sun hovering above her, the same inscription only in Latin -"_Angel of Wales"_

As the years passed though, Mary became convinced that the memory had been all a dream. Her mother had never given her that locket, because that locket didn't exist, simple as that. Proof that was her mother's will. She had given Mary furs, her Cross and her rosary, all which were taken from her by Cromwell and her father who said they were of too much value to her. What had happened to those furs? -Mary often wondered. Probably they had been sold off or kept by her father to warm his bed and the back of his many Mistresses.  
Whatever had happened to them, she hoped that if they were still on his possession, that he would never pass them unto that Harlot Kitty Howard, or even to her sister.

God knew she loved her sister, she had taken care of her as Edward like she was her own child, but those furs were her mother's legacy to her, she could not let anyone who had been related to her enemies, especially those Harlots, cousins, have them. It would be an insult to her memory.

As darkness finally took her, her hand rested on the pendant that was on her chest, her fingers around where the Inscription lay -Angel of Wales in Phillip's native tongue. This might not be the locket, and the enamel certainly wasn't either, what she had dreamed of many times, but all the same the inscription made Mary travel back to happier times where she had been carefree and her only major worry had been her studies.

* * *

Phillip arrived late as expected to his Mansion at Hunsdon. Elizabeth was already asleep and it was a shame because he had brought her something that he hoped she might have liked. It was a new book on the Reformation, written by no one other than her long time supporter of her mother's and her, Cranmer.

In spite of what people accused Cranmer of being a bystander, Phillip had seen the other side that most people avoided.

His enemies, (among those his wife was sadly included), liked to think of him as an opportunist or as a fanatic, but Phillip saw differently, he saw the Archbishop for what he was: a man. Nothing especial, no evil or good in him. His soul was just as corruptible as the Bishop of Rome's or the King of England, or anyone's for that matter. He did what he had to survive. While men like Wriothlesley were pressuring the King to burn more "Heretics", Cranmer and other loyal Reformers had been working hard to save their fellow men and women, something Phillip had seen Catholics rarely do.

With the exception of his wife, he had not met to this day a single honorable Catholic, one he could be proud to call his friend or ally. His wife was the only woman, and person of that corrupt and decadent Church who had been honest and honorable. She embodied everything her religion was supposed to embodied, and she was a loyal Christian unlike most Ladies of her Faith.

His wife was a blessing to his life, she was his miracle and the baby that awaited them in her womb was another blessing. He didn't care if the child was a girl or a boy, as long as he or she was healthy, and that Mary, he constantly prayed, would survive the pains of childbirth.

The reason why he had been doing a greater effort to become a constant at Court, was for Mary to be back into her father's good graces. It was doing them no good that Mary still refused to speak more than two words to the new Queen. He had been doing the introductions for her, but that was no good and could only get him so far. The Queen required Mary's personal greeting and favor, and if Mary didn't give it to her then being the frivolous and capricious girl that she was, Kitty Howard would complain to the King of England and his reaction was something Phillip feared more than the Queen's.

He gave a deep breath. Mary wasn't the only who felt she had a lot to lose, so did Phillip. Unlike Mary, Elizabeth, his sister in law had been showing great favor to the Queen. In parts, he suspected because Elizabeth was being lavished with great gifts and restored to her father's good graces thanks to her Aunt and stepmother. Though Kitty Howard was only five years younger than his wife, she seemed to understand Elizabeth better, and Elizabeth got along with her. Phillip did not prohibit Elizabeth from traveling to Court with him. Court had done Elizabeth a lot of good, not only had the girl gotten her confidence in herself back, but also -she had told Phillip- she felt like she was her father's rose again, his Tudor Rose.

Phillip sighed, if only Mary would learn that it did **her** no good to keep acting rebellious against her father.

As he entered their chambers, he saw that Mary was already fast asleep in the armchair next to their study. He put the book next to the Classics she had been reading earlier while waiting for him.

She was heavy, yet he found strength to carry her to their bed, once he put her there he took off his boots and set himself on the bed next to her. It had been a long day, he felt. Tomorrow, he hoped the day would be shorter now that he was with her.

He closed his eyes, but not before wrapping his arms around her.

"I love you" he said softly and then he fell asleep.

* * *

A new day had come, the sun smiled at them. Mary was the first to wake up. She looked at her surroundings and found that she was on her bed.

Was it a dream? She thought she had heard Phillip come into her rooms shortly after she had dozed off. It must have been a short lived memory because as her vision cleared up she saw no sign of Phillip anywhere.

_'Phillip ...'_

* * *

**A/N: Yes I realize Lady Salisbury or Margaret Pole dies close to the year 1538-1539 in the series, however I decided to go more with history on the Poles' execution, sort of, because some things will be changed to fit the storyline.**

***The year as Mary is only days away from her delivery is 1541, March.**

***Off topic the quote I put from Anton Szander La Vey I felt I had to since it fits into the complex relation if you can call it that of POB and Mary. Before you start I suggest you read more on Anton, those who know more about this modern philosopher they will know that his "Satanic" movement has nothing to do with religion, in fact the Chruch of Satan are only for atheists, though I don't agree some of their philosophy I recommend reading on Anton S. La Vey's books because they are mostly a critique of every aspect of our society.**

***I agree there has not been a lot of CHARY interaction in these two last chapters, but I promise next chapter there will be plenty.**

***Also to DianaPrince, yes the reason why Henry grows more fond of Elizabeth is because unlike Mary who was rebellious all her life, Elizabeth was not, she was more cunning and opportunist you could say as Chapuys, and in this story as her brother in law. She knows it does her no good to stand in the way of the King and Queen, especially when the latter has done nothing but show her favor. And yes Phillip, though some may not like him, is right on how dangerous it is to question the King.**


	12. Through a child's eyes

**Disclaimer: No I don't own anything, that would make me God and a millionaire producer.**

**Thanks to Dynel and that he now has a username, and to Dani [SSLE] for brainstorming and all my reviewers, you are great guys, you make this fic possible.**

**~Caroilna  
**

* * *

"_Sometimes hate can brew surprises, but not as big as love._

_You would think love is the best tonic for hate, yet_

_the big tonic to absolve the soul from hate can be fear of the unknown"_

**The Question by Anonymous**

_

* * *

_

Phillip, why wasn't he back? Mary inwardly asked herself.

This was not fair that he should miss this day. This day was very close to the birth of their child, their first child and potential heir after Edward to the Crown of England, that is if her father failed to get a Duke of York from Kitty Howard.

All her hopes were that this child was indeed a son. Though Chapuys had said that if it was a son he would be used by Cranmer and her husband to give her father another Heretic heir, she had already made plans for when the child would be born. Not that believed Chapuys' words, but in any case she wanted to make sure that the child would not miss on anything. It was inevitable that her son or daughter be raised amongst Heretics, but he or she could also be instructed in the Catholic Religion.

Her favorite and closest confidant of her maids Susan Clavereiux had already found for her child a tutor. His name was Sir Walter Graham, he was an old supporter of her mother and he often was found in the Highest circles at Court. He would be an excellent Teacher, not only he knew about the Court's machinations, but he was also a great speaker of Latin, Prose, Greek and Catalan, just like she had been. In fact whe Mary had looked at him after Susan had made the introductions, she had been reminded of her old tutor Master Juan Luis Vives.

Thinking back to her older days as the carefree Princess made her melancholic. She missed those days, back then she had been an extrovertid girl who'd had no worries except focusing on her studies with Master Vives. She wished he could still be alive so she could tell him how grateful she was for all the education she had received thanks to him.

His book was the only thing she had ;eft of him. If she had a daughter she would definitely pass on his book to her as her most precious heirloom.

She leaned back and let herself relax in her armchair. It had been one week since Phillip had paid a quick visit before he left for xourt again. This time the court had been moved to Nonsuch Palace one of her father's major Palaces. It had been his pride, Mary wasn't particularly fond of that Palace since the money used for its constructions had been blood money. Her father had said he used his own money but truth of the matter was he paid it off with what he had stolen from the monasteries.

Stolen was a big word, but no better word could describe the actions done by her father and that man, Cromwell when they had bled the monasteries dry from their treasures. Just thinking of that sent a cold shiver ran through Mary's spine. Luckily it died down thanks to the fire that had been warming her chambers.

She reeled to her left as she heard the heavy footstalls that were coming her way.

Susan came in panting and nearly out of breath.

"What is it Susan?" She asked to her favorite maid concerned.

The same concern was written all over Susan's face. These news couldn't wait, she felt she'd had to tell her Mistress now. "His Excellency has just arrived with his man servant Fleming, he has something very urgent to tell you"

Mary perked her head up at Susan. What could be so important that it could not wait till morning?

"Can it wait?"

"No milady" said Susan slowly, she was having trouble catching her breath. When she'd heard the news from the Imperial Ambassador himself she knew that even if it bothered her Mitress, she had to hear it.

"Susan calm down you are going to faint. Calm down now tell what cannot wait until morning?" Mary demanded.

Susan nearly fainted, she wanted nothing more than to tell Mary herself, but it would be better if she heard it from its messenger.

"I think His Excellency better tell you" Susan said giving a long lasting sigh as she opened the door completely and there behind Susan was His Excellency gripping his black walking stick.

He wasted no time in entering the Duchess' chambers. Mary looked at Susan who nodded and left quickly to her own chambers where she hoped she could resume her good night sleep, though with Mary and the Imperial Ambassador in the same castle and in the same room that was highly unlikely.

Meanwhile Mary and the Imperial Ambassador looked at each other, dark gray eyes met clear blue.

As if the Ambassador had read her thoughts regarding his visit he answered -"The reason why I had to come now and this could not wait until morning is because your cousin, my Master is consdering to annul your marriage. Your marriage to a heretic cannot be recognized by the church and while you bear your father's last name, you are still considered a Tratasmara and it would be shameful that one of his family be seen in a heretical liaison -"

He didn't get to finish the sentence as Mary stood up abruptly from her chair and walked to His Excellency, her eyes burning with rage and feeling a deep sense of betrayal in her heart.

"So my child, you are telling me that my child is going to be made a bastard like I have been a bastard?"

Silence.

In that moment he wished he could have the will power to let his eyes wander elsewhere, because it was becoming very hard for him to face the pain and anguish in her dark blue eyes.

Rolling over his calm expression Mary continued questioning him. "So is that it? I am on my own again? Surely if you could convince the Emperor to see that a son from his youngest cousin could bring many benefits, he could unite the heretic German territories with England if my father never has a Duke of York. He could be a great King, I assure you he would be a good ruler, he would not make the mistakes as my father ... I have already chosen a tutor for him he is of the old faith" Mary's frantic voice died down as she felt the hot liquid that were her tears on her cheeks.

She shook her head vigorously.

No, no and no!

This could not happen to her!

She had faced desertion from her father, her mother's so called friends and allies, but never from her own mother's family, never from **him**. Looking away from the Ambassador's neutral expression she reeled around turing her back on him.

She would not let him see her this way, broken and crying.

She had never cried for anyone, never. She would not start now but it was too late though she did not have her mirror in front of her, she knew that her eyes were completely red.

Her hands went to her stomach. As if on cue sensing what was ailing its mother, she felt her child kick her harder and then it died down when both mother and child heard Chapuys' voice.

"Your Grace the deed has not been done ..." Chapuys said trying to reassure her.

"But it is only a matter of time before the Pope grants my cousin what he wants? Do you think I don't know that my cousin controls the Courts of all Europe including the Pope's." Mary snapped.

She waited for a reply from Chapuys when it didn't come she continued her voice now dripping with venom. "Maybe my father was right to break from Rome. How much different is my cousin than my father? Both control men's souls, both have the authority to say who can and cannot be saved? Tell me Excellency just how much different are you than Marillac or any other opportunist that has set foot in this Country?"

Chapuys eyes went wide.

How could she accuse her of that? He was no innocent, no white dove, he had done many thing he **should** have been ashamed, but very little plagued him because in the end the things had done had been the only means that had kept him alive all this time in the most corrupt court in Europe.

She had good reason to be angry at him, but to compare him with Marillac or her cousin, who had so far been her only powerful ally in this whole mess since Anne Boleyn, was just ridiculous!

"You are wrong Your Grace your cousin has been there for you since your mother was displaced. Do not forget the mouth that fed you with support when you signed the Oath, when you were in Court, when you were sad and on the verge of collapsing in tears after your two late stepmother's deaths. Who was there for you when your father remarried Kitty Howard, who was there to convince you not to anger him, who was there arranging marriages with every Imperial match that **I** could find?" His voice was now heard throughout all of Hunsdon but he was too taken by his own anger at her words that he didn't stop and he advanced towards the Duchess who was silent. "Who was there with you when you spent your days alone and with no one but Mistress Susan or the Lady Elizabeth? Who?"

He had not realized his mistake as he finished. He had not meant the Emperor, he had said I, he meant himself. The one who had been there with her twice waiting in the parlor for both her late stepmother's when they had gone into labor. He had been there to comfort her when her mother died, when her stepmother died, so it seemed very ungrateful of her that she accused him of being another one of the wolves at court.

Mary reeled to face him, her eyebrows knitting in confusion as she digested everything he said.

"You ... all the while ... you said you were following orders" She said in a low voice.

"What?" Chapuys asked not fully comprehending the meaning of her words.

"Nothing" Mary said regaining her posture. She sighed and looked up to meet his eyes again. "Please leave"

"Madame I think we should -"

Mary interrupted him her coldness returning. "There is nothing we should discuss, now please leave. I am not asking you"

Chapuys had no choice but to heed the Duchess' orders. As he was on his way out he stopped. He wheeled around and saw his lady's hand on her stomach while the other gripping the chair next to her for support as she was having trouble mantaining her balance.

"Your Grace?" Chapuys asked concerned.

Mary did not answer him, instead her hand clutched her stomach even harder and her open mouth emitted a loud scream followed by a quick gasp.

"Excellency" she said in alarm.

Chapuys acted fast as he saw the spill of water on the floor. Clutching his cane tighter he went by the Duchess' side and helped her to the bed. She was breathing heavily, she felt a terrible pain in her abdomen. She knew she was going into labor, but the pain and the fact that she didn't feel her child moving, she looked up at the Ambassador her eyes filled with worry. Did this mean she lost the child?

Chapuys had not time to attend the Duchess anymore, he quickly walked ignoring the pain that had shot through his leg to the door. He opened it quickly and yelled

"Quickly! Her Grace has gone into labor!"

All the Household was awoken by the Ambassador's screams and their Mistress, the Duchess.

They ran quickly, her ladies to her side.

Dr. de la Sa and the midwives who had been staying with her since she had gone into confinement were rushed quickly by Susan to her side.

Though it was not the place of the Ambassador to be, he felt he could not leave his lady. And his lady did not want him to leave, before the Physician, Susan and the midwives came to her side she had asked Chapuys to stay.

"Milady it would not be prudent for me-" but he did not get to finish her sentence as Mary's hand reached for his. Chapuys flinched in pain as he felt his lady's nails dig through his skin. "Please" she had said, "stay I-" she had screamed louder as another contraction came.

Afraid of her pain and never having witnessing firsthand the pains of childbirth, he stayed for her. When the Physicians and the midwives came objecting to his presence, Mary ordered them to ignore his presence and assist her instead for a safe delivery of her child.

The midwives had not agreed with her decision but they had no choice, she was the one paying them so they had to obey. Her ladies and Susan did their best to ignore his presence but it was difficult when he kept clutching his cane harder as he'd felt the Duchess' nails dig deeper into his skin. By the time Dr. de la Sa had told her to push and so she did, Chapuys could feel a hot, watery liquid run through the hand his lady was grabbing. He looked at his hand and saw that it was bleeding. Who could have known she possessed such force to inflict damage on another man? But he guessed it was understandable, childbirth was a serious business and a deadly one.

He didn't want to admit it, but all the while that the Duchess had gone in labor, he had been very afraid. He felt like it had been hours and he hadn't been wrong. The window in the right side of her room that wasn't covered by curtains showed the sun beginning to rise.

"Milady you can do it! Mary... please push!" Susan urged her best friend.

Mary screamed as she gave another push. She felt herself weary every time she pushed, she had been witnessed to the pains of childbirth, but she never imagined they were this terrible!

She became scared as she saw Dr. de la Sa exchange worried glances with the midwives.

Chapuys did not miss their worried glances either. He wanted to ask them what was exactly wrong with the Duchess, but he couldn't leave her side when she needed him the most. She had felt betrayed when he gave her the news about her cousin's intention to annul the marriage. It had been a miracle when she had asked him to stay, she could have asked anyone else, why him? He had asked, why had she asked him when she had been accusing him moments of being nothing more than an opportunist and comparing him to Marillac?

The former Princess never failed to surprise him.

His gaze fell on the former Princess whose forehead was drenched in cold sweat.

He opened his mouth to speak but the voice of her Physician who had gone to his side didn't let him. "Excellency a word if I may?"

Chapuys did not want to abandon the Lady's side, but her eyes were half closed and Susan's constant voice urging her to stay awake, he didn't think she would notice his absence.

He let go of her hand, very soon another one of her maids came to take his place.

Chapuys a man who never missed anything asked the physician when they were out of ear reach what was really going on -"A pregnancy like this cannot be good" he said seriously.

Dr. de la Sa was an old man, older than Chapuys, as old as Dr. Linacre. He had seen many things and assisted very little women in childbirth, yet his short experiences with the women he had assisted had taught him the necessary knowledge to recognize the signs that indicated trouble. Chapuys did not doubt the man's ability, it was just the way he had looked at the midwives and the fact that they were in the far corner that made him worry yet he did not show emotion as he prepared himself to hear the inevitable.

"No it is not Excellency. Like with her two late stepmother's birth the child doesn't seem to come out, it has been a long time and if this continues like this I am going to be forced to perform a cutting -"

Chapuys did not hear the rest of the physician's sentence.

He had feared it would have come to this. He should not have been here, his lady was right, the news could have waited. This was all his fault, he had caused her to go into labor and now because of him she and the child could die.

"Excellency" He was brought back to reality by the physician's voice. "I have to ask you, I would ask Her Grace or her maid Susan, but they would not know how to answer and the Duke is not here neither is the Lady Elizabeth, they are in Court and -"

"What? Speak now what do you want me to do?" Eustace asked exasperated that the physician seemed to be going on the verge of a full mental breakdown. He was supposed to be the doctor, the one who was supposed to be calm and show restraint and yet Chapuys since the labor began had shown better restraint.

The doctor met the cold clear blue eyes of Eustace Chapuys. If all went bad the Duke and the King would lay all blame on him, but he had taken an Oath to serve God and his patients and he had to obey that Oath.

"You are the only one who can make a decision. I can't cut or do anything, I have to know whose life will be my priority. Do you understand what I am saying Excellency?" Dr. de la Sa asked becoming deadly serious.

In all his years of self control, Chapuys never imagined he would be on the verge of breaking down. As he heard the words of Dr. de la Sa he pondered on the big decision that was being laid at his shoulder.

He suddenly felt like God, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. The Princess' life and her child's was being entrusted to him, he should chose her son it would be what the King, what she would have wanted yet looking past the physician's shoulder as his lady gave another howl of pain he came to a quick decision. May God and all the Saints forgive him.

He turned back to Dr. de la Sa. "Save the Duchess, whatever happens save the Duchess" He said in a hurried voice and Dr. de la Sa nodded gravely walking back slowly towards the Duchess.

His lady would never forgive him, he would never forgive himself either. But it was a necessary sacrifice, not only for the good of his master and the Empire, but he also hadpersonal reasons for having opted to saving her life instead of the child's. If she were to die than there would be no more need for him in England. He had endured much of his enemies only because she had been there, she had been his sunlight and he couldn't let his sunlight be taken be obscured by Death's shadow.

His worries were interrupted once more, not by his Lady's loud screaming but by the wailing of a newborn.

They had not been aware while Chapuys was playing God with the former Princess and her (then) unborn child's life that he as the doctor had failed to notice that the midwives had been screaming, and not only them but Susan as well, for Mary to push one more time for her child's sake.  
Mary had done as they told her to, unaware of the dangerous conversation between the doctor and Chapuys that were deciding her fate and that of her child's.

The physician completely perplexed of how the Duchess had finally managed to deliver the child after long hours of labor, rushed to the midwife who was holding the newborn in her arms.

Chapuys was amazed too as the physician by the turn of events. He had been ready to bring his left hand to his forehead when he head the wailing of the newborn. He clutched his cane tighter as he walked fast as he could, with the pain of his gout shooting through his leg, to the Duchess' side.

A miracle, he could not help but regard it as and he mentally began to thank God as he saw that the Duchess was still conscious.

Mary's eyes had widened at the sound of her newborn. She had heard Susan's whisper earlier, barely audible when the other midwives had been screaming, all urging her to push one more time, for the child they all said, and for her child she had. She had never felt happier of hearing another's wailing. when the midwife had announced to Mary that the head had finally become visible, Mary feeling that she had to push harder, didn't have to when the child as if sensing its mother's distress seemed to have come off on its own.

After that it all seemed blur, everything happening so fast. The midwives took the child and began to clean it, on in particular, their chief Mary noticed by the way the other midwives behaved around her, had taken full charge of her newborn after the others finished cleaning it.  
She then felt Chapuys hand resting on hers. She looked up to meet his gaze. She hadn't realized as she saw her maid leaving her side that he had left too yet she couldn't bring herself to be mad at him for it was joyous occasion, the birth of her first child.

Chapuys feeling her hand squeezing his, this time gentler could not help but smile, not for the child she had just delivered, but because she had pulled through the arduous labor.

Her first concern after the birth of her child was to know if it was a boy or a girl.

She looked back at the midwife who was holding her child, "What is it?" She asked frantically. They all depended on her, her husband, her father, the whole Kingdom to bear them another heir after Edward.

The midwife holding her babe looked at the Duchess, a smile forming on her face as she said. "Tis is a son"

Nothing made Chapuys more happy than to see her color returning to her cheeks as she became more relaxed after knowing she had borne her father, her husband and England a son.

A son, she had succeeded where her mother and the Concubine failed many times. Only one wife had borne him a son, and she had not lived through it, yet she had and she could feel her strength coming back as she ordered the midwife to give her her son.

The midwife carefully laid the babe on Mary's arms.

"Thank you" Mary said looking into midwife's chocolate brown eyes. She had never seen this woman before, but she had been there by her side more than her own physician, if it hadn't been for her being attentive at every turn when her contractions had increased, she and her son would not be here. She had to know whom she was congratulating though.  
"What is your name?"

"Oh it is of no importance" the midwife said quickly but Mary shook her head vigorously.

"I insist" Commanded firmly pushing both her lips together that they formed a thin line and her gaze becoming steady as she looked deeper into the elder woman's chocolate brown eyes.

"Esther Hagen" the midwife answered her with a steady voice.

"Esther" Mary repeated her eyes surveying Esther carefully. She was the oldest of the midwives, but seemed to be the more clever of the lot. It would be wise if she were to assist her in her future pregnancies.

"Yes Your Grace"

After a long silence between the two women, Mary finally said "Call me Mary"

Esther perked her eye brows up, she was surprised by the Duchess' request, and so was the Ambassador whose eye brows were completely up as well.

"Very well then Your G-I mean Mary"

"That is better" Mary said a smile forming on her lips when she looked for the first time at her son. He seemed perfect in every way, he had the eyes of his grandmother, her mother, clear blue eyes and there was a small spec of Tudor red hair on his scalp. His cheeks were completely red tired of crying.

Chapuys saw the child briefly, he had been quite the contrary of what he initially thought he would be. He did not posses the green emerald eyes of the Duke of Bavaria or his jet black hair, he had the bluest eyes and the rosiest cheeks he had seen on a baby. His eyes reminded him as it did Mary a lot of Katherine of Aragon. And the child as if sensing another presence besides his mother close to him, looked up to meet the Ambassador's clear blue eyes.

He had been taken by the hatred he had for the child's father that he hadn't considered the possibility of his son turning much differently. The child sensing no hatred from him anymore sent a smile in his direction. Chapuys gave quick grin that later disappeared when the child's gaze returned to its mother and she in turn said "His father will be proud"


	13. Withdrawal: Facing the inner truth

_**Disclaimer: If I really owned History and the Tudors I would be God Supreme and a multibillionaire producer.**_

**_A/N: _I want to recommend the one shots CHARY collaboration by Dani and Angel More Right here by my side it is a one shot collaboration as I have said, that I really recommend for all CHARY lovers and everyone in general.**

**Also there is Goodbye my lover by ArtemisQueenoftheStars, support the CHARY fics we have more authors being involved and each time the fics are getting awesome.**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed keep reviewing, and keep reading, the more you do the faster I will update!**

**Many want CHARY action to start right away and though I would be more than happy to oblige take into account they have met on 1532 as Artemis Samhain pointed out and Erickson and Louden has said as well on their biography on Mary Tudor I, so by now 1541 there has been a 9 year period of repressed feelings from both of them. Taking into account their religious personalities and their strict catholicism they would not be the people to easily disregard their duties for the Emperor or to her spouse, Eustace and Mary respectively. So bear with me we will get there as the tension builds up after the birth of Mary's son. Also some meetings and situations might not be described because they will not be important for the CHARY developmetn or to the plot but they will be mentioned.**

**Next week is my birthday and the start of the world cup and my summer I session so updates might take longer but rest assured if I see enough reviews I will become very motivated to update faster!**

**~Carolina**

* * *

"_The man who [merely] abstains from sense enjoyments may forget them for a time, but the taste for them will linger. That person, however, who beholds the Supreme Spirit loses the taste for anything but the Infinite"_

**~Bhagavad Gita 2:59.**

* * *

What the soul teaches us is we can run away from pleasure, we can run away from all the negative energies on this Earth, but one thing we can never run away from is: love. Love is a powerful force that can create, destroy and most important transform itself from purity into something evil, something sinful when the person you realize you love is unattainable to your reach.

That is how Chapuys was feeling right now, though he would never admit it.

She was holding in her hands the precious baby of her _husband_, her_ husband_! For a moment there when the baby had looked on his eyes he had imagined himself holding him like he was his father.

_Snap out of it_ –So far his stay in Hunsdon had brought him nothing but pain. The first question he asked himself, after the former Princess began to rock her son singing to him in Spanish, was _"Do I like suffering?"_

What increased more his suffering, he wanted to ask himself, seeing his lady basking in the sunlight of her son's presence or seeing her son staring at her with the shape of his father's eyes with his grandmother, the late Queen Katherine's light blue eyes.

He had the blues eyes and he would have had no problem looking at those eyes had it not been for one small factor, the shape of those eyes, they were his father's not his mother. For someone as observant as Eustace, he knew that the boy was more Phillip's son than Mary's. He wanted attention, he wanted everyone to love him and the more he began to smile at his mother, the intention on the boy's was clear, he wanted the same thing his father had, capture his mother's heart.

The discernment of this truth led to the faint recognition of his own feelings for the Duchess.

The dark voices in his head belonging to doubt and temptation asked him, _"What increases your suffering Eustace, and what, on the other hand lessens it?"_

Nothing he wanted to say but he couldn't find a real answer to explain for his suffering.

What was it that really angered him? What was it that caused him to be angry at a child, a mere innocent child?

_The child of Phillip of Bavaria_ he thought wryly. The child who was going to be recognized as another bastard, the child that had nearly killed the former Princess, and, most importantly, the child who could one day (if there was no Duke of York) become King of England and continue His Majesty's heretical and tyrannical rule.

He and his master, the Emperor, could not allow that. That is why Charles I had told Eustace to give his cousin a warning that her marriage was not going to be recognized by the pope, and if the marriage was not valid by his Holiness then this little boy would be nothing more than a bastard, not recognized by the rightful church to inherit the throne. His mother was widely recognized and still respected, in spite of her "union" to a heretic, as the true heir of England after Edward.

She could inherit the throne, become Queen but not her son or any other offspring she may have by the Duke of Bavaria.

The fog of delusion began to grow heavier on Eustace's eyes as he heard the baby's giggles and the mother's.

He wanted to strike out at the world in anger for not giving him what his master wanted, what **he **wanted. He could not accept the situation in England -he could not accept England in general, period!

He could not accept that the former Princess, a true Princess was in the hands of the heretic a man so beneath her and that she was reduced to be a mere duchess when in his opinion she should be the one who carries the title of Princess of Wales, and Duchess of Cornwall not of Bavaria. It was she who should be her father's heir apparent and not the sickly, weak, frail boy that was her brother the three year old Edward Tudor.

The boy was in his opinion another child of the reformation, a heretic who would only cause suffering to his lady. His lady was intelligent, witty and very court savvy but nothing would prepare her for her brother's or God forbid if the King were to have another son, Duke of York's rule. She had great strength but she also had great weaknesses like not knowing when to say no or when to kneel before her elders. She was proud and at times arrogant like her late mother, the poor, wretched and sad Queen Katherine –a woman Eustace had nothing but respect for in his heart.

His lady would not submit to any heretic's rule even if those where her father and brother. Alas though, she believed that her brother would never make her suffer like her father. (How wrong she was) She believed in the goodness of every human. Chapuys wanted to laugh at that.

She was very naïve, he had seen most of the world, been to many courts, done many things and if he could describe everything and everyone he saw with one word it would be: hypocrisy.

People were hypocrites, they all had large egos and they acted on their egos more than their brains.

The duchess' brother was the son of Henry VIII after all, a man who in his opinion was not worthy to be called King. He acted like a pampered child, such a behavior in a grown man was not only shameful it was ridiculous, but more ridiculous was the attitude of the English people. They worshipped and admired their King like he was some sort of God. He could take away their freedom (to most he already had), take away their women (his favorite sport) and their lives and they would still admire him. He would bring them more death and they will love him for that as they will love his son and the Seymours when they take over the Country after his death.

* * *

"_The man of perfect self-control is able to act in this world unaffected by it. Inwardly free from attraction and repulsion, he has attained unshakable inner calmness" _

**~Bhagavad Gita, 2:64**

* * *

His attentions were still focused on the _lovely_ display of affection between mother and son.

He felt a huge knot being formed in his throat. He suddenly felt like he couldn't breath, and when the former Princess bend down to her son's forehead to kiss him he realized that this was too much he had to get out of the room before he ran out of air.

The Duchess spoiled his plans when she spotted he was halfway to the door.

"Excellency" She called.

Chapuys didn't want to reel around to face her, but he had to, her voice was full of curiosity and happiness.

He reeled, and he faced her. They locked their eyes together, there pale blue against dark blue they got a glimpse of what the other was feeling at the moment.

Mary could see in His Excellency's eyes disappointment and failure.

Failure she knew why, he had come with the intention to convince her that her marriage to Phillip was unlawful and that she had to leave him before she angered her cousin and the Pope more, but she wasn't about to when she had just delivered a healthy son, and a healthy Tudor Bavarian heir to the English crown.

It pained her that her cousin was making her decide between her husband or her religion. If she hadn't been pregnant with her son she would probably decide her religion, but now that she had a newborn in her arms she wasn't about to leave him or Phillip to let her cousin and the Pope declare him a bastard.

From her union with Phillip she had borne a son, a healthy heir to the kingdom of Bavaria, maybe some day to the Palatinate itself and if her father didn't give her another male sibling then she had just borne the next King of England after Edward. Edward was very young and easy to manipulate by his uncles, especially by the ambitious and cunning Earl of Hertford. His health was not all that good, everyone knew that. Much as it pained her to acknowledge it, Edward would not last long and after he passed into a better life her son would be the next in line for the throne.

Chapuys came walking to the duchess' direction.

"Your Grace" he said neutrally.

In spite of what had happened, she wanted him to know that she was grateful, if it hadn't been for Chapuys she would not have delivered her son. He had been there holding her hand, and that had helped her to deliver her child. It had been his hand, his strong had that he had not let go in her toughest moments during labor that had brought her strength.

"Thank you" She said, her tone was no longer cold or apprehensive as the night before. She had nothing to show him of her gratitude but a short thank you and a small grin.

He felt like he was fifth wheeler.

_You should go_.

He bowed and left the room quickly before Her Grace could say another word.

Mary's mouth had opened up to say something but it closed again when she saw him clutching his cane tighter and sprinting out of the room.

_He didn't bother to say goodbye_ He had just left, no words, no expression. Had she done something wrong? –She began asking herself, but in that moment her conscience began to tell her that nothing she said or did was wrong, it should be him who should be apologizing, it was him after all who had induced the labor with that awful news, and if anyone should have said thank you it should have been him. Mary nodded inwardly. She had shown herself grateful, _perhaps too grateful _her conscience said, to him. She had allowed him to stay in her chambers when she should have demanded he be out. For some reason she could not fathom she hadn't want him to leave her alone with the midwives and her physicians. _Why?_ She asked herself. Why not leave him, tell him never to come back, why give him thanks?

Her thoughts were interrupted by her newborn's cries. Her son had been very perceptive of his mother's worries, like his Aunt he could sense all around him. She let the smile that had been previously on her face return to calm her son.

After he stopped crying, he fell asleep at the sound of his mother's voice singing to him in Spanish.

She turned to her right where she heard Susan's voice. "What shall you name him?" Susan asked.

Mary's smile was still on her face. She hadn't thought of a name for her baby, she had been very worried about the gender of her child, his health and then when Chapuys' visit about the legitimacy of her marriage that she had totally forgot about it.

Looking back at her sleeping son and then to Susan she came to a conclusion.

"Phillip, Phillip John"

* * *

**_Phillip, Phillip John_** the letter read. He had a son, by God he had a son and the way his wife described him he was the most beautiful boy in all of England! Why should he say all of England, all of the world!

The discernment of this news lead Phillip to the recollection of the first memories he had of his marriage starting with the night they had consummated their marriage. Who knew that one night had been enough to get her with child?

He was proud of her, but more so he was proud of himself. Now he could go with Bavaria, march up to all his relatives' faces and show them off his son. His son, how good it sounded. That tiny spec of hope would not only unite all the German territories one day, but if God willed it he would also unite England.

England and Germany joined together by their union, their son, it was like a dream come true. They would be greater than any Empire, including the Holy Roman Empire, no one would be a match for them!

His excitement however diminishes when he reads the last part of the letter.

The letter slips from his hand as he stands there in his chambers at Greenwich paralyzed. He cannot believe it, he doesn't want to believe it.

The first faint stirring of his jealousy arisen at last, his ego finally revealed. He feels it wounded, his ego, and only one word (the bane of his existence since their last confrontation) is uttered "Eustace".

* * *

Eustace had arrived to Greenwich four days ago. Exactly four days ago the duchess had birthed a healthy son, a male heir for Bavaria and England after Prince Edward.

Eustace began to write immediately to the Emperor telling him all about it.

It had become only a matter of time before the duke and the whole court knew about it as well.

The King had been ecstatic, the duke excited as well and the Queen … Chapuys could still remember her expression, the same one a dog makes when he finds his bone stolen. Chapuys had to work very hard not to laugh when the Queen had nearly fainted. Everyone knew that the duchess and the Queen did not get along, but when the King had said that he and his wife along with the duke would travel to Hundson to visit his grandson, the Queen's cheeks had turned scarlet red with anger.

Now the former Princess not only stole her spot for praise, but she had quickly replaced her from His Majesty's heart with the birth of a son (while her womb was still hollow, no Duke of York there) and a perfectly healthy one at that in contrast with the late Jane Seymour.

Katherine Howard though, was not the only one to make a foul expression when the news was announced by the King of England. The Duke of Bavaria, Phillip Wittelsbach present in the feast in honor of his son, he had also wore an angry expression. It had started when he spotted him entering the room. The way that boy looked at him throwing deathly daggers at Eustace was pitiful. He was making a fool of himself showing his jealousy and he didn't realize it.

This was the man his lady was willing to defend, the man she had left her cousin and her church for? _How pitiful_ -he thought.

It was of no importance what state the Duke was in. From what he had seen of the Duke, he had already been informed **on every detail** of his son's birth. He had probably seethed with anger, cursed him under his breath that he had been there present with the duchess and on the birth chamber no less while he was with that brat, Lady Elizabeth, trying to make a name for himself with his friendship to Cromwell and Cranmer.

Eustace had been there where the duke had not. He had been holding his lady's hand, he had heard her screams, he had played God, nearly forsake his soul, all for her while her husband was at court taking advantage of his position and his standing amongst the heretics. If the duke wanted to blame someone, he should take one good look at the mirror.

Come what may, Chapuys had been through worse. A young man like Phillip didn't scare him, but his jealousy did. A man scorned … was more terrible than a woman.

The names however of his lady had bestowed on her son would prevent Phillip Wittelsbach from feeling scorned. She had honored him naming her son after him.

Her words still lingered with him, "_Thank you" _

Why had she said them? He had done nothing to help her. If she knew what he had been willing to do for his master and for her, to save her, she would probably never want to speak to him again.

He was still waiting for his master's letter to come back. It was important that his master could recognize the advantage of what a son of his cousin, a nephew could bring the Empire. Even if the Archbishop and the King were planning to use the boy to their advantage, the same could be done for his master and the church. He had wrote with such a passion defending the former Princess' son that by the end of the letter –when he read it he could not believe himself.

The next morning after the duke, the royal family (with the exception of the Prince that remained in his own Household) had left for Hunsdon, he opened his eyes to see Fleming at the foot of his bed, his arms crossed against his chest, observing his master with a look that revealed a profound uneasiness.

"Were you really willing to choose her life over the child's"

Chapuys' eyes widened greatly at what Fleming said.

How in all the blazes did this man find out?

As if reading his master's mind, he simply said. "I knocked on your door several times, you were muttering in your sleep and then me and Raphael began to worry when you said an I quote "save her, save her Dr. de la Sa"

Chapuys wanted to slap Fleming. How dare he come here and question him? He was a servant, he should know his position! He didn't have this problem with the others, not even Raphael was like this –and that was a surprise since Chapuys had almost expected him to be, Raphael being friends with Fleming and all.

"That is none of your business" He said sharply.

That did not stop Fleming who rolled over his master's answer, and kept pressing Chapuys until Eustace could no longer stand it anymore. The frustration, his nightmares, his lady, the duke, everything! It was like the world had gone upside down and he was the only sane person in this asylum.

"Fine Fleming" He cried "You want to know the truth if that makes you anymore comfortable? Yes I told the physician to save her and I would do it again. Another heretic would do the country no good, my master is this close to annulling the duchess' marriage so she could still be recognized as a Princess and the only heir after Prince Edward. Her son would only be stripped from her arms, think Fleming just like her you are going to be very naïve if you think he will be raised a good catholic. Only a few in court like the bishop and others are strong supporters of the true faith, the others are heretics and her son will grow to be a heretic. Now more than ever she had been displaced by the line of succession by her own son, by that man's son!"

While every word that rolled that came from his master was like venom, Fleming was not fooled.

He knew there was more to the story than Chapuys told him.

"I don't believe it" Fleming said bluntly.

Chapuys barked in laughter. This man was truly insufferable, yet he was he was one of the few people he could trust, something very rare these days especially if you took into account where you were.

Ironic that he would find completely loyalty in an Englishman more than his own countrymen.

The world was full of surprises.

The window that shone the view of England from his bedroom's left wall, told Chapuys of the dark times ahead that were coming by the storm brewing in the heavens. A storm was not rare, this country was very damp and humid especially on the Spring. You would think it would start on summer but it began on spring, seldom would it delay. He wasn't much for omens, but the way the storm was brewing, lightning beginning to flash miles away where Hunsdon was located, it seemed like God was trying to tell him that more struggles lay ahead for the Princess whom he began to pray to Him that he may spare from any more pain. God only knew the Princess' life had been nothing but pain ever since the Concubine entered her life and ruined her mother's. Her smile was like a blessing to everyone alike, heretics and catholic, she was one of the few on this God wretched island who could bring the best in everyone … including him.

Chapuys leaned back against the pillows that were behind his back. He wanted to tell Fleming that he better run but his threats would be no good. It all was because of his accursed leg, he was not the same man he was twenty years ago, he could run back then, he could get on a horse without fear of falling, but now? He was just the crippled, old and cynic man that Marillac described, that received nothing but pity from everyone, including he knew this very well because he had seen it in her eyes when she saw him for the first time with his walking stick, the Princess Mary.

What good was a man like him making threats on Fleming, when he could expose him for what he really was underneath all his cynicism and sarcasm exterior?

Every vestige of sorrow of his master's face disappeared and was replaced by anger and frustration, something Fleming had gotten used to by now.

Clearing his throat he said to his master when he looked away.

"You are very stubborn you know that … master"

Chapuys looked at Fleming. He was getting too far, he had to be stopped and he would do that now.

"Just who do you think you are to tell me these things … you think that you are the only one who has everything to loose, whose immediate resolution by your master prevents me to tell the lady I and not him sacrificed everything for, including my own health, my own happiness, that I care for her more than anything more than Island …"

"I have heard that a million times Master yet you always end your phrases with the world impossible and it is a sin, I have a duty … just how more excuses you plan to make it before you realize it is too late!"

"And what would you have me do?" Chapuys yelled back. He and Fleming were verbally beating each other, at this point they no longer cared who listened to them, especially to Chapuys whom he felt weak because Fleming had managed to bring out the worst in him, his humanity and that was something he was not willing to forgive his manservant for.

"I have risked everything, moved through every corner of this God forsake Island, even gone as far as plead to the Emperor and to Mary of Hungary to recognize her marriage to that heretic, that heretic! You think Fleming that I will ever forgive myself for that?"

"Is that why you chose to save her instead of her babe then?" Fleming inquired, "Because deep down you knew it wasn't your master you wanted to please by the birth of her future bastard, but yourself. If her son were to die it would be like killing something of him, a part of him that she would no longer have making way … for you"

Chapuys snorted. "Oh Fleming as much as I would like to keep talking and hear all your delusions my friend I have a letter to write to my master whom before you forget is your master too. I have let you off the leash too many times, it is time you remember who you are and who you work for!" Chapuys barked angrily.

Fleming clenched his fists, his master had him there, but this was far from over, yet he would let his master think he had won the war, when he had only won the battle.

"Very well … Excellency" Fleming said giving the Imperial Ambassador a mock bow and then left thinking this war was far from over. Sooner or later his master would have to acknowledge his feelings for the duchess, and the duchess would have to too.

They were both very stubborn, Fleming realized as he walked back to his quarters that he shared with Raphael.

Raphael was not there, typical, Fleming thought, he must probably be with my master right now. It made sense that Raphael was attending his master after his outburst. Of the two Fleming was the more loyal but also the more rebellious, while Raphael while loyal too he rarely said anything, it was made clear that his sole purpose in life was to serve his master he had said so himself to Fleming.

Fleming took off his boots and leaned against the pillows that were behind his back when he climbed to his bed. It was very small, very uncomfortable unlike Chapuys but he enjoyed it nonetheless. _Nothing like a good night sleep_ –Fleming thought _-to take my mind off that stubborn old man and his unhappy platonic love affair with the duchess_.

Meanwhile in the Imperial Ambassador's chamber the words of Fleming still lingered on Chapuys' mind. He tried drinking all the ale he could get his hands on after he dismissed Raphael to get them off his mind but when he was on his fifth cup he found out it was impossible.

Everything Fleming said was true, deep down he knew it but he would never admit it.

Why had he saved the former Princess, why stay here all these years? Fleming had asked, because of his master? No that could not be it, he said to himself. Because of his duty to his Empire, to his church, to his idealism then? No, of course not, he didn't believe in idealism, only fools did, he was a realist all the opposite from poets and idealists, yet as the sour taste of his medicine reached his lips, he realized that the real reason behind his long stay in England had been …

Damn it all!

He did not realize he had injured his fingers when he destroyed the (now) empty vial glass where his medicine had been moments ago. He had made his whole career based on self control and self interest and never ending loyalty to the church and the Empire! Now he was willing to throw it all away for a woman? A woman that was farther from his reach, now more than ever when he had borne her husband and England a healthy son!

She had succeeded where her mother and her late stepmother Anne of Cleves hadn't, and that more than making Chapuys happy made him feel more miserable.

He had not only failed his master, he had failed the former Princess.

How right she had been all those months ago when she had demanded him why he hadn't tried harder to push the betrothal between her and Dom Luis of Portugal? He had done everything to earn her trust, win her affection. It had all started as a game, just another mission, another ally for his master to use but the more he had gotten close to her he had realized she was more than a tool, she was a person, a very extraordinary at that.

Chapuys should have left England when he had the chance.

_Well you had the chance when you left to Annency_, that was true he'd had the chance when he had left to Annency and then to Antwerp. He had lived a relatively quiet life there, he had enjoyed living surrounded by God's natural beauty, by the good climate of his home in Louvian. Now that he realized his mistake, he would give anything to go back in time and stay there.

Returning to England he had found himself confronted by his worst enemy Marillac and his second worst the King of England, but now he was being confronted by an even greater problem, the former Princess.

After the birth of her son, he had found himself, on many occasions, swept off by outward temptations –and they didn't have to do with sensory pleasures found on his nightmares- the feelings of hatred and envy he had since then felt towards the King of England, his Queen, Cromwell, Cranmer and last but (certainly) not the least: Phillip of Bavaria.

He thought time would have made it easier denying his feelings for her, but it had made it worse.

The huge levels of alcohol in his body made him see the great woman he'd had served in his entire stay in England, he had easily lost to a man whom Chapuys still considered was very beneath her. She had deserved much better; she was right -he should have worked harder for her betrothal with Dom Luiz, he should have been more insistent not only to his master but to the King of England. He had confronted him once, he could have confronted him again, contrary to what people thought of him he was not afraid of an arrogant, spoiled, child like behaving monarch like Henry VIII.

He had finally realized his mistake but it was too late for regrets.

What was done there was nothing that could be done, a man like him could not live in the past for too long, he had to look towards the future while also focusing on the present.

While Chapuys walked to his desk to begin writing to the Emperor, hoping to convince his master not to declare the former Princess' child a bastard; in Hunsdon Mary was preparing herself for a goodnight sleep.

She had received a letter from her husband saying he should be on his way home with the rest of the royal family (except for Edward) any time soon.

Mary hoped she would get to see them soon, though the excitement she would have felt in the past to see her father and sister was not raised as high as her desire to see the Ambassador again. She knew he was partly guilty for her arduous labor, but unlike Phillip, he had been with her the entire time. His visit unexpected, their reactions something they had not been prepared for when her son had been born. She'd thought she had seen the look of deception on Chapuys' eyes but as soon as she thought she did it was gone in the next instant when her son locked eyes with the ambassador. The Ambassador he had not probably not noticed he had chuckled when his son began to giggle at him when they made eye contact with each other. Mary had to suppress the urge to laugh at him. He was a proud man who didn't like showing his sentimental side, but he had not become aware that his defenses had lowered by her son's pale blue eyes.

Her son's eyes, Mary remembered seeing them for the first time, they were the bluest eyes Mary had ever seen. There was not Wittelsbach in him, hardly any Tudor, she was proud to see more of her mother in her son. She was a little apprehensive of this after the midwife Esther (who had accepted her invitation to stay as long as she would be needed) and the rest had cleaned him. A son with Tratasmara looks? That could only spell trouble to her father who no doubt must still feel resentment towards the Emperor and her mother. It was no secret that every time her father saw her, he would flinch or blink twice to make sure that he wasn't the image of his true wife's ghost coming to haunt him.

Lately he had been getting closer to Elizabeth. Mary didn't know what to feel about this. She supposed she should feel glad, after all, she had been fighting for Elizabeth's reinstitution at Court since the girl had been left orphaned by her sentenced (traitorous) mother. But the fact that their stepmother (a title she didn't think Kitty Howard deserved, the woman was nearly six years younger than Mary, she could have been her sister!) and her aunt Kitty Howard favored Elizabeth above all the royal children bothered Mary tremendously. It was no secret Mary's opinions of the new "Queen" of England, and the feeling the woman had for her was mutual. They had nothing in common except the bad blood of the late Anne Boleyn, something that made Mary hate Kitty more, the fact that she was directly related to Anne Boleyn. Her father had been Anne Boleyn's mother's brother and that made them first cousins, almost sister –and they would have passed as sisters for they had possessed the same frivolity, and the same lack of grace of stoicism that her mother and her two late stepmothers, Jane Seymour and Anne of Cleves possessed.

This should be the woman her husband should by no means support yet he did. He said it was important they showed respect to the Queen of England.

Queen of England? –she had argued to Phillip, she had not been crowned. Her father wanted to take no chances, he would not have another anointed Queen until she could provide him with a male heir, a Duke of York and so far Katherine Howard had not done that, and she hoped she never would for that would push her and her son far behind the succession.

It was only a matter of time, she told herself, before her father recognized the error of his ways and restored her, now that she had given him a grandson, and his Kingdom a heir he would have no choice but to restore her, surely he would –Mary hopefully wished.

Lying on her bad, she prepared to close her eyes. It was the fourth day, her husband and the rest of her family would not arrive until tomorrow or possible later next week. Whatever the day she would be ready to receive them and so would her son.

* * *

Two souls slept sharing the same nightmare, tossing and turning in their bed they dreamt of the tower, of everyone that had gone through there to be executed. They saw the Princes in the tower –Mary's granduncles- Sir Thomas Moore, Bishop Fisher, Anne Boleyn and last but not least they saw an obscure figure covered by the shadows walking to the wooden platform where she would soon meet her end.

Mary and Chapuys unaware they were in the same place at the same time of their nightmare, pushed through the crowds to see who it was that was going to be executed, but as soon as they made it to the front the executioner had already raised his sword and flung at the poor woman's head. The head came rolling down the platform, the people cleared out in fright as the head rolled in their direction but it finally stopped (to Mary's relief who thought it would never stop rolling) at Mary's feet. As soon as the head stopped Mary screamed in fright. Two dark grey eyes, her eyes she realized, were staring directly at her, the mouth hanging completely open with its pale lips completely broken by teeth marks.

Mary's own face stared back at her, there was not a look of shock or fear in her severed head but sadness. The real Mary that was shocked seeing her own head staring directly at her began to run, she heard the screams of "traitor" and "temptress" from the crowd …

She was this close to escape the angry mob when she felt herself bump against someone making her fall backwards.

**_"Milady"_** She looked up. _That voice_, she recognized it immediately, even if his face was covered by the shadows she knew who he was … _Eustace Chapuys._

He extended his hand out to her begging her to take it, but before she could the dream was interrupted by a huge wave of lightning that made them both wake up.

_An omen _… they both realized, _a terrible one _in the form of a nightmare that God had sento the them to warn them of what they would be up agaisnt. But, they both thought in unision even if they were on different parts on England, Mary in Hunsdon and Eustace in Greenwich, could they be sure this visions were from God and not from some other entity like the Devil? How could they know, Jesus said never to doubt the Lord but these were very dangerous times they lived in, with the King's paranoia and Mary's uncertain postion with her son in her father's Court and her cousin's Imperial one, Chapuys thought that this was the Devil's work trying to scare him, and drive him away from her side.  
In the end they chose not to listen and very soon the next morning they woke up, they forgot about the dream.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you like it I will be very interesting in your reviews in feedback however I will begin introducing more of the historical characters in future chapters like Kitty Howard, Marillac, Elizabeth's tutor who became her tutor in 1548 however I will introduce him four years before that so roughly around 1544, also other historical characters like Bishop Wriothlesly.**

***I believe that though this is AU many of you say might say that this is good since we don't have to focus too much on the historical aspect, but I think otherwise that we should focus on the historical background since we are not only trying to create a good story for ourselves we are trying to get reviewers and credibility and what better credibility than adding history making the story seem realistic even if it is as we have established AU.**

*Margaret Pole's execution will be delayed, her fate might change but I highly doubt that given Henry's paranoia which I believed started after thomas moore and Anne Boleyn's death only make it worse, by 1541 it was already beyond any repair so taking into account that he might not be so merciful to her.

***I am closing the pole on what pair is Mary. We already have a winner: Mary and Chapuys win with 11 votes while Mary and POB come in second place with 5 votes and third place and last the I don't care option with only one.**

**Thanks again and don't forget:**

**Review!**


	14. Stranger

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**_Disclaimer: If I really owned all of this I would be Goddess Supreme and a millionaire producer._**

**_Sorry for the long wait but as you know I am taking summer classes, four classes in total and so the updates will be slower, each two weeks I will update from one to two chapters. Sorry for this short chapter but I felt I had to put it, is very escential to the storyline, juts be warned Mary and Chapuys are not included too much._**

**_Thanks, and don't forget at the end of each chapter:_**

**_REVIEW!_**

**_~Carolina_**

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"_History might parallel itself but never repeat itself"_

**~From my African American studies professor, Dr. Maceo Dailey.**

* * *

History will be what we make it. I am sure of it. I have heard many express themselves as owners of their own destiny, but whenever I hear this I want to laugh because no one can really say he, she or they are owners of their fate when they use words such as fate or destiny.

To be completely separated from the ties of the church, and I mean any church you have to believe in the God inside yourself. After all did not God say that we were made in His image, by His hands? So therefore we must assume that we are all part of him, and we can be as great as Him.

I closed down the book of Gnesis. When I was a child it used to be my favorite book, now I am not so sure if I should call it my favorite. When you are a kid it is very easy to have control of everything, you imagine yourself a Prince going off in your valiant horse, off to rescue the Damsel in distress! But then you grow up and you see so many obstacles, you see the sky, yes the sky, God that is working against you. Your father, his memory completely over shadowing everything you do and then there is your mother, she does not stop to tell you that everything you do is wrong.

That your father was a better man than you, she keeps shoving her religion down your throat, his achievements too. Before you know it you become not a person but an extension of your father's shadow and much as you try to get away from it, you can't. I haven't got away from my father's shadow and since my mother died I have only felt his shadow closer to mine.

_Got mitts uns_ -my father's favorite phrase when he was Count Palatine. It was said that he administered his lands with an iron fist, and worked with the Elector Palatine with great loyalty. Nothing he did was not to benefit the Germans, the people loved and remembered him as a just, strict and fair ruler. I wish I could be remembered one day the same as my father, but I am not going to blind myself and say that I will be better than him, that is impossible.

My father was a great man, and I don't intend to overshadow his accomplishments with mine. I want to separate mine from my father, I want to be remembered as Count Palatine, Phillip Duke of Bavaria, not the son of the Count Palatine. I have tried so hard since I went to war with the Turks on the siege of Vienna to make a name for myself, and I have come very far since then.

Now I am very close to Cranmer and Cromwell, though I ambition to come closer to His Majesty. I just don't want to be his son in law, I want to be his favorite for it would benefit Bavaria and my wife as well.

Thinking back of my wife, I imagine her sitting down with our son, our precious son Phillip John. I would have preferred just Phillip but I understand why she also named John, it was the name of her mother's favorite brother after all, Juan de Asturias ain Spanish.

Got mitts uns, I think once more. She has done what her mother always failed to do, bring forth a boy to the Tudor Dynasty and to Bavaria. I know that my relatives in Germany will be pleased. They always thought of me dying a poor bachelor, now my son will prove them wrong.  
The situation in Bavaria has not been very good. I left some good administrators there. By good I knew they would do a better job than the last ones, these were people that not only had been dear friends of my mother and brother, but also they were capable and responsible people who had sworn their loyalty to me. I t don't trust them, but I have to rely that their reports about my Kingdom are accurate since I am very far from home.

Bavaria is a great Kingdom, many people in my family wish to have it, hence the hope that I would die a broke bachelor like my brother with no heirs of my own. It is all strategic, I tried to explain to Mary, whoever controls Bavaria controls a great part of Germany. Of course my wife does not understand me, and to tell the truth sometimes even I (when I was a child) had trouble understanding the hierarchy in Germany.

Germany is not England, it is very different from the rest of Europe as well. For years people have made fun of Germans, since the time of the Romans when Germans were heathens as the Empire, my people have always been subject to either Rome or other European Country. It was no surprise to my mother why most of our family supported Luther, not only because Kings and rulers such as myself we're free to do as we pleased without the Chruch looking behind our shoulders, but also because that way we became independent from other foreign powers.

I am proud to be German, and every time I hear the English laughing at other people's custom I just want to laugh and tell them that the only reason for their mockery of other peoples is because they have no true religion, or culture of their own. Their little island has been invaded by Romans driving away the celts, and then the Saxons, Jutes and Anglos which coincidently many of them came from Germany the Country they most laugh about after Spain.

These English, I think, how naive and silly they are. Like mindless drones, their King could tell them to jump from a cliff and gladly without thinking it twice they would, and to think they call every other nation barbaric!

I could not help because of this thought to smirk. It was a good thing that I was on a separate carriage away from the King and Queen. Cranmer had been my only company in the voyage to Hunsdon. He had fallen asleep so he did not notice my smirk of course.

I could not wait to meet my son, I want to hold him in my arms, I want him to see me, to see his father who has already fallen in love with him before meeting him face to face. He would be Lord Phillip John, future Duke of Bavaria and if the Queen did bear another son to His Majesty, the next King of England bringing Germany and England together, in perfect harmony I hope.

* * *

Mary was reading on the Theogony, one of the few creations epics of the old pagan greeks that still survived and that the church allowed them to read. Like many of Hesiod's works, the Theogony was both confusing and shocking.  
Hesiod wrote of many characters that Mary could not understand why he would put them there in the first place if they had nothing to do with the story, another thing that his literary works carried was shock and disgust. In his latter work that he made towards the end of his life, _works and days, _Hesiod's main message to humanity was to respect the laws of men as the laws of Nature, their Gods.

If one person were to live a good life by respecting others, than the Gods would find no reason to curse that man, but if that man were to cheat, steal and plunder the land than the Gods would have their revenge on him cursing not only him but all that belonged to him -including his family.

It was a very similar lesson that the bible tried to teach them. Her mother always said God, unlike what Vives said, did not work in mysterious ways. His ways were simpler but because God was all mighty it became difficult for humanity to understand the way he worked.

God had two ways of doing things, first he asked you what you wanted and if that was pleasing to him he would bless you, that did not necessarily mean though that he would help you achieve your ways, it only meant that he aproved and he would not stand in your way. The second one was God did not aprove, and like the first one he would either step in or step aside.

God could be merciful as he could be vengeful. The English people loved their King because he reminded them of the God they most commonly were taught of the Old Testament. Her mother said the people should rejoice in their faith not mourn it, but for centuries it was the way their faith had been taught in the way of mourning instead of rejoice.

Mary knew she should not think this way, but the more she kept reading about her faith and dogma the more she doubted about whether or not her faith was what the heretics said, hypocrisy based on mourning.

She begins to groan the more these thoughts entered her mind. She just wished she could pull all of them out of her head to let her rest in peace.

She turns around and hears her child's cries. She went to his side. He had been held by Elsa. She had been on a first name basis with the elder midwife. It had been who was responsible for bringing Phillip John into the world in the first place. Her experience and skills delivering babies had saved the both of them.

Elsa carefully handed the baby to her mistress. She was glad to serve the Duchess. She was a good mistress, she let her have chambers in her household and let her enjoy the breakfast time with her and the child. Elsa had never seen such a beautiful child in her life, save her poor girl ...

It was melancholy that struck her when the baby was placed in his mother's arms. Elsa was reminded of a time when she had been a mother, in her arms she had held her daughter, such a sweet child with eyes as dark as night but as grey as her mistress, in fact, every time she looked at the King's eldest daughter she was reminded of what she'd lost.

Her daughter had been as idealist as Mary, and very strong willed, she had never bended over to any man, just like her Mistress. She had been a strong woman, a strong girl and a strong warrior, it was only a shame her lifespan was cut short.

"How is our little boy doing?" Mary asked her son rocking him back and forth as he squealed in delight at the sight of his mother. Her son could not be one minute away from Mary. Every time that he was parted from her, he would start crying for her, Mary would rush to his aide immediately. She didn't want to be parted from him either, but one day she would, like all parents she would have to let her child make his own way in the world like it was done to her and those before them.

It was the natural order of things.

The people who wrote the bible under the influence of God knew about this. That was the whole central focus of Genesis, it was not about God being a punisher, it was more about God being the over protective parent, he had to let Adam and Eve go so they would learn from their mistake, fall down on their own and get back on their own two feet without the help of all knowing God, it was the only way that humanity could learn. But the more Mary had read about old English history the more convinced she became that though God wanted them to learn, humanity was never going to learn, it was going to make the same mistakes over and over again.

A vicious cycle that was also part of the natural order of things.

"They are here" Jane announced coming into her bedchamber along with Susan.

Mary stood up and exited the room walking downstairs, Jane, Susan and Elsa following her to greet her family.

As expected there was her father, his wife (she couldn't bear to call her Queen just yet, not when she bore the same likeness with her fashion and her manerisms to her cousin, Anne Boleyn, and just like her Kitty Howard was a harlot!), the archbishop, and of course her husband Phillip.

"Your Grace" Her father said giving her a quick hug.

"Majesties" Mary said afterwards bowing to them very carefully not to drop her son.

"Your Grace it is a pleasure to see you again" The Queen said. Mary was no fool, she knew the whore did not mean it, but they all had to keep appereances to keep His Majesty pleased.

This twit did not deserve her respect, how dare she wear the crown when she is just a mere consort? Even her cousin, heretic as she was had been a crowned Queen acknowledged by all the heretics. Kitty Howard was not acknowledged as Queen by neither faction, heretic or of her faith.  
She was just her father's toy and would never be anything more. If she failed to give her father a son, or any child at all then she would meet her cousin's fate, something that would not saddened her at all considering where she had come from.

"And you as well ... Your Majesty" Mary said lowering her gaze in respect.

As she looked up to meet the _Queen's_ gaze again, she saw that Kitty's eyes betrayed her perfectly controlled-neutral expression. Her eyes were focused on her child, the child that was putting her in more pressure to bear the King a Duke of York.

"Congratulations" She said, thankfully she was cut shortly before she could have a slip of tongue by the King.

"This is my grandson then, congratulations then Mary, you have made England and I am sure your husband very proud. There is nothing more important than children. They are the basis, the foundation of marriage. With this son I am sure we will prove to Europe and the rest of the world that the Tudor line is invincible" Her father declared.

He wanted to say sons when he meatn children, but he probably was thinking that if he said this it would upset his daughter. Unlike him, he knew that her husband did not care much about the gender of their children. He cared genuinely for Mary, whereas for him as King of England it was important to have a son. It was the reason why he had taken many risks to ensure that the Tudor line would go on.

He was proud that his daughter had not disappointed. Rebellious as she was, she had borne a son and a healthy one at that, one who would take after his side of the family and hopefully he would one day become ruler of Bavaria and the other German states on his own right.  
Contrary to what people believed, he was not ignorant to what was going on in the world. Cranmer and Cromwell had told him of the importance of having someone whom they could control to rule the Protestant States in the Netherlands, such person could be Phillip's son, his grandson.  
After his son in law's direct family had died leaving a pair of sick uncles and other sick men whose males heirs had either died or they left none to take their titles, Phillip was being named as the direct heir. If he came to posses, Holland, Hannuit, the Rhine, Simmerm, Bavaria and the rest of the Protestant states he could become a King, he could unite all of Germany and Henry's grandson perfectly instructed as an English could become his son's puppet. He would act in England's best interests, a strong alliance between England and Germany that would trumple over France and Spain.

Such alliance, he hoped, could only be strengthen if Mary were to have another son. One was not enough, she should know this by now. Just as England could not have one son, Germany could not have only one heir. They needed more than two to keep the territories together under Phillip's rule. Most of those territories did not want to be under Protestant ruler, they wanted to become independent as many Italian city states, but of course that could not be and Henry hoped that his son in law would soon grow a backbone as it was told he had during the siege of Vienna (twelve years ago) to unite those territories under his rule.

If his son in law could not have the backbone then perhaps his wife, his eldest daughter could help him. She had the backbone of a King, it was just a shame that she could not been born a boy, if she had she would have spared him all the troubles of having to look everywhere for a worthy wife.

Mary watched her father. She wanted to know what those dark grey eyes that he had inherited her, hid.

He was proud to have a son, she wondered if she had borne a daughter would he have gone all the way from his fancy palace to visit her? Probably not.

"May I hold him?" Her father asked and knowing it was no good to refuse the King, Mary handed her son over to him.

Her father's arms immediately circled the small babe in his arms. He was beautiful, a perfect Tudor he noticed, he bore no resemblance to Phillip, though sadly very little to his line, the Tudor line, but hopefully his character would say otherwise.

"He is perfect daughter, very perfect hopefully he will have a brother" He said looking back to meet his daughter's dark grey eyes, his same eyes.

Mary nodded. Typical her father would care more about male issues than her daughter's health. She was not entirely out of it after she bore Phillip John, she still fealt light headed every morning following the birth. Elsa said that it was normal for every mother to feel that way, but considering that she had never enjoyed a good health, any sickness was enough for her to worry about.

It sadenned her that her father could only care about his grandson's health than her own, but again she told herself, that was to be expected coming from the man that had gone through heaven and hell to put two wives aside, and risk one's health for the sake of a son.

"Phillip" She said giving him a wide smile.

She didn't bother to acknowledge the Archbishop, something that didn't go unnoticed.

"Mary so this is my son" He said looking at his father in law interacting perfectly with his son.

"Yes it is, perfect isn't he?" She asked her tone hopeful.

Phillip did not care whether she had borne him a son, all that he cared was her health, and judging by the bags under her eyes, she was still very weak. He felt guilty for having making her get out of bed to receive them, but he could not wait, it seemed like ages since he had seen her, and now that they had a child together he felt the happiest man on Earth.

"He is, but how are you doing?"

"I am doing fine Phillip, don't worry just tired that's all" She said her voice reassuring.

Phillip was not easily convinced but he was not going to insist, all that mattered now was that he was with her.

The King seeing the lovely scene playing before his eyes walked to his son in law and his daughter.

"Your Grace" he said "your son"

Phillip bowed deeply in respect to his father in law and carefully took his son.

Something unexpected though happened, the moment the child was taken by his grandfather's arms, he began to cry.

Henry laughed. "Seems the child has taken a better liking to his grandfather" He said playfully, however for Phillip, Kitty and Mary noticed this was no joke.

He tried to calm his son, but whenever the child heard his father's voice he wailed harder. Seeing the tough time Phillip was having and that Mary was trying to keep things together by putting a smile on her face, the Archbishop decided to act.

"Lord Phillip John is probably exhausted, he probably has not slept at all, even the strongest of boys can be overpowered by the lack of sleep" The Archbishop said giving the Duke a huge grin that when he saw it seemed to ease the situation between them, him and his son.

"Yes I am sure" Phillip said handing the baby over to its mother.

The rest of the day they spent it at Hunsdon. For some reason Kitty Howard requested His Majesty to remain in Hunsdon. Kitty stressed to Henry that she wanted to get along with Mary and that it was important for him also to get to know her step grandson. The King bought it.

The true reason why Kitty wanted to remain in Hunsdon was because of the Archbishop and Phillip of Bavaria. She had seen the disappointed look on his face when he had held his son. His son had not acknowledged him, he had reacted better under his mother's arms and his grandfather, but the moment he was handed over to Phillip he had began to wail and the more Phillip tried to soothe his son the more the child would turn red and its wails would become more violent.

Phillip let his son be taken by Mary, the moment his mother came the babe's wails ceased. He neared his wife's side but it got worse as the boy looked away from him turning to his grandfather or mother instead.

_Why?_ He asked himself. _Why was his son refusing to acknowledge him, his father?_

Kitty's laughter helped him ease down his pang of guilt at not being there at his son's birth. If he had been there his son would not have reacted too violently at his presence. Not only had **that** man caused the early delivery and near miscarriage of his son, he had practically stolen his son from him. He did not need but he wanted to anyway, if his son had reacted the same way when he had met the cold, calculate eyes of Eustace Chapusy?

"A marvelous baby" He heard Kitty exclaim at the sight of the child laughing at her. It was not a mock laughter like the one Mary gave behind her back, it was gracious and clean and Kitty enjoyed it.

Those laughters, those giggles they were causing him a great headache. He wanted to take his son from his mother's arms again, to see him, to hush him, to sing to him, to tell him that everything was going to be alright as long as he was in his arms, but it was clear his son wanted nothing to do with him because the closer he got to his wife's side, the more his son began to fidget in his wife's arms.

The throbbing pain in his heart confirmed that Phillip felt at loss for his son's rejection. Growing older, he hoped that his son would accept him. He had to, this was just a phase he assured himself, all children fidgeted in their mother's arms after meeting their fathers. Mothers were always the first face they saw, the pater familias was never allowed to be in the delivery room so it was not uncommon for children to scream at their fathers like they were strangers. He had probably done it too, it was very common in nobles especially Royal children who seldom met their father the day of their birth.

But for Phillip who had longed to be a parent alongside the woman he loved this was too much for him to bear. He wanted to walk away as the Archbishop blessed his son with many praises.

"A great child, he does not cry at strangers"

No he might not at strangers, but he sure did cry at the sight of his father. Phillip thought sourly feeling the air in his lungs escape him.

"Thank you" Mary said without acknowledging his proper title. He could see in his wife's eyes the pure hatred for the Archbishop. He had hoped she would have concealed that hatred by now, but his wife was an emotional creature who could mask her emotions very well but her eyes always revealed her true feelings.

* * *

**A/N: I will update another chapter after this, and chapter 16 will not be until two weeks because of upcoming quizzes and presentations for my summer courses.**

***BTW I know as I am going to say in this column fact vs fiction, Otto Henry, the elector Palatine of the time, and the Duke John Henry II of Simmerm, Hannuit, and the Rhine (who appear in my other fic Pain to no end, dead men tell no tales) did have issues however in this fic those issues are dead and the other relatives (male) in Phillip's family have either lost their sons to sickness or not have any at all therefore Phillip is becoming their heir.**

***Yes his power will increase, and this will help him mature, but it will not necessarily mean a good thing for Mary.**

***I realize that there is not a lot of Kitty lovers, I personally do not favor nor hate her, I sympathize a lot with her actually so I wanted to show her side of the story as I with the rest as well, however this will still be mainly CHARY focused.**


	15. Comfort from an unlikely source

_**A/N: Thanks for all the awesome reviews.**_

**_I enjoy your long reviews, your long feedbacks but all your reviews in general are welcome. Be sure to review each chapter I am interested to know your opinions.  
To spanish speakers there is a new story which I have enjoyed by arissita in Spanish called Thomas & Mary un amor prohibido (a forbidden love) I recommend this story and hurry for there are only two chapters left._**

**_~Carolina_**

* * *

_"All of my regret will wash away somehow_  
_But I cannot forget the way I feel right now_  
_In these small hours_  
_These little wonders_  
_These twists and turns of fate"_

**~Little Wonders by Rob Thomas**

* * *

The true reason why Kitty wanted to remain in Hunsdon was because of the Archbishop and Phillip of Bavaria. She had seen the disappointed look on his face when he had held his son. His son had not acknowledged him, he had reacted better under his mother's arms and his grandfather, but the moment he was handed over to Phillip he had began to wail and the more Phillip tried to soothe his son the more the child would turn red and its wails would become more violent.

The look on the Duke's face, forlorn and shocked to see his only heir, his only son and child reject him. And it had not ended there, everyone besides Phillip who had held the child, the child had responded alright including with her. Kitty thought she would hate this child, because this child represented everything she had not yet. A son, a male heir for England, a Duke of York, yet when those little eyes looked up at her she forgot all of her hatred and her fears and opened her heart for the child.

He was a cute little thing, but poor Phillip (the babe's father) he did not realize how cruel his wife could be. She had not told this to Henry out of fear he could take his anger at the Imperial Ambassador and Phillip more than his disobedient daughter Mary, but after news of the child's birth Phillip had come to her in confidence. They had become good friends and he had helped ease the tension that ran between her and the Archbishop Cranmer who erroniously thought that she was a harlot who would bring the old ways in England. He had told Kitty that Mary's letter told him all about His Excellency, how Chapuys had been there to witness the birth of her son.

Kitty was shocked about this. Throughout all her life she had heard that no man was supposed to enter the birthing chamber, it was forbidden and it was considered a sin! At least that was what her grandmother the Dowager Duchess put it.

This was a huge break of protocol, she should have told her husband, but that night when Phillip had told her she had seen the pleading look on his eyes, his sorrow also evident. He loved Mary more than life itself, even more than God. She had never seen a man love a woman so much in her life. A love like that was very rare to find at Court, but there it was in his emerald eyes.  
And the broken expression after his son had rejected his embrace had been heart breaking for Kitty, she wanted nothing more than to march up to Mary and ask her if she knew how much she was hurting her husband? What a twit, inviting somebody whom she should hold no relation (for the Empire had never been a true ally of England, Henry had told her they were often deceitful and backstabbing) to her room, and to the birthing chamber no less! No lady should behave like that, she was supposed to be a Princess of England, a Duchess now, that behavior if it continued, Kitty thought, would only bring her more trouble.

But it wasn't her that Kitty was concerned, it was the Duke of Bavaria who since his marriage had been mounting confidence that his wife loved with the same intensity as he to her.

She was no white dove, she had done many things in her life with men that she was not proud of, but those days were over. She was now Queen and she knew better than to disobey her wedding bows. Clearly little miss perfect did not care much for Phillip if she was willing to tell him about Chapuys being present at the birth of their son, she had not taken into consideration how the truth would have affected her husband. How could someone be that cold and indifferent?

As the week slowly died, preparations were being made. Her husband discussed with Phillip about their grandson upcoming baptism. She could see in the Princess and Duchess' eyes her defiance.

"Why should we let Cranmer baptize our son?" Kitty had heard Mary say right after her husband had informed her the upcoming christening of their son, Lord Phillip John.

She had been walking downstairs when she had heard their argument.

The Duchess was very adamant, she wanted her husband to know her views about religion. Kitty could not help her curiosity. She had put an ear to the door outside their chambers.

"Mary please sweetheart what is the p-"

His wife did not let him finish that argument, her voice raised and full of determination she said:  
"I am not going to have my son's head be baptized by the devil's fire"

Kitty had to resist the urge to roll her eyes and laugh at the Duchess' statement. She had known of her fanaticism, personally so many things were said of Mary Tudor that she hadn't known what to believe, but now hearing her argument she realized that all the rumors of her fanaticsim were true. This woman not only fought for her religion, she actually believed she was its holy crusader.

Just what kind of woman had Henry begot from the late Katherine of Aragon? Of all his children, she had to be the only one who bore no resemblance to His Majesty. In her physical appearance she wall Henry, but her character was the pure echo of his enemies, mainly the Emperor Charles I and V of Spain. Had even Phillip been aware whom he had married?

She heard Phillip moan with grateful distress at his wife's comment.

"Mary let us not go there. What difference does it make who baptizes little Phillip?" He asked protesting.

Mary began to laugh. "You want my son to be a heretic then, I have already arranged a tutor for him ..."

Now it was her turn to be cut short by Phillip and about time, Katherine thought, for she was this close to bursting into the room and demand to her stepdaughter to show respect for her husabnd.

Mary continued unaware that their conversation was being listened, and she raised her voice higher than before as she stomped her foot on the ground to make her point clear that she was not going to have her son be baptized in a heretic ceremony or be taught heresies.

"You are being irrational and dellusional if you think I am going to let you ..."

"Mary it is you who is being dellusional here, first tell me why is it you let a man into your bedroom to witness the birth of our son? Might I remind you Madame that it is the same man who could have caused you a miscarriage!" Phillip yelled.

Kitty thanked God for having driven her husband and the Archbishop outside on a walk of the gardens.

_Mary works quickly, _Kitty realized, and faster to speak and counter her oponnent's arguments.

"Is this what this is about then? I don't see how him being in the room has anything to do with your anger? Why can't you let me choose Bishop Gardiner instead or better yet have Wriothlesly chose a tutor for our son?" She asked desperate.

"Because Bishop Gardiner is not in your father's favor as is Cranmer and he is a Catholic Mary you know how bad that would make us look? Your father would think that you are betraying him, that we are betraying him rebelling against him. Do you really want to fall out of favor so quickly?"

"And do you want to risk our son's soul"

"Ugh Mary there is no reasoning with you!" Phillip barked. "I love you but you are acting childish."

"Me?" Mary inquired with a mock laughter. "Since when did I become the center of your problems?"

"Don't start Mary ..."

"My father has given you large purse, he has given you pensions a place in his court and you have made friends in high places Phillip. You owe my father anything so you say, but the real person you owe is me!"

_How dare she the little Princess insult him like that?_ Kitty thought enraged that a woman could show such disrespect to her husband.

Whoever heard of a woman giving her husband power? Men gave women everything, and men could take everything away, surely she in her dogamitic and strict catholic faith had been taught that? Or was she acting hypocrit like most of her faith, ignoring some rules and following those that suited her? Typical of any catholic, why should she be surprised?

She neared the door and pressed her ear closer.

"Mary please calm down"

"Don't treat me like a child Phillip, I am not"

"I am not saying you are but sweet Mary calm down, please I implore listen to yourself, is this how you want us to be every time we see each other?" He inquired his voice hopeful in contrast to Mary's resentful tone.

"Don't you want to pick up our son and care more about holding him in your arms than his education?" He asked again hoping his wife could see the light.

It was not so.

"Of course I do, but I'm never going to be a subject to heresy and neither will my son, so why fool myself, why fool yourself thinking I am going to make my son puppet to your faith's teachings?" She asked acidly.

Phillip sighed deeply.

Kitty felt pity for him. He was at the mercy of a foreign Court and what was worse, he was at the mercy of a crazy fanatic.

"Mary" His tone hardened. "when I am husband to the Princess of England I am also owner of her rights, her household, and don't forget that I am heir to most of the important territories besides Bavaria, I am Duke a ruler in my own as well and you are just a Consort. Our son will have the best education that I deem worthy"

"No" Kitty could picture Mary now shaking her head vigorously as she cried "My husband should know that all you have could go away in a second! Believe it or not I have the power to make all of this disappear, or do you think we can hold our marriage after the Pope and everyone thinks we are not man and wife?"

Phillip began to clap. "Congratulations then, you just prove my point, I should chose my son's education because my son's mother cares more about his soul, his catholic soul than his upbringing. What a great mother you are making Mary abandoning him just like your father abandoned you and poor Elizabeth!"

She had never heard Phillip use sarcasm, and she could bet Mary hadn't either.

"Don't use that tone"

"Then what tone Mary, please tell me what I should do to please you? Please, pleaes tell me"

"Phillip don't be ridiculous you please me, and I love you but I can't let you do this. Not to our son, I suffer every night praying for both our souls, I have been a patient, and passive wife, I have submitted to your every will, to your every whim, I have even accepted your friends, I have shown them kindness. Sorry if I insulted you ... Please understand that I love you" Mary said using her last card to convince Phillip. Instead of fighting her voice softended and she could hear Mary's soft breathing, she was playing the role of victim just like her mother.

"I want nothing more than to be a good mother and loyal wife ..."

Everything was going good until Mary had to mention:

"... if that is what the Pope and my cousin wants. If Chapuys convinces them then we can-"

"Enough of Chapuys, Chapuys this, Chapuys that, I swear I hear his name one more time-"

Mary cut him off crying -"You will what? Cheat on me with another woman? or, take my son away from me, that is a good one, now who is being the irrational creature here?"

"The irrational creature? I don't even know what you are saying, all this because I decided to mention that your father is having the Archbishop of Canterbury baptizing our son!"

"I can't let that heretic poison my son's soul, he and the Boleyns are the reason why my mother died"

"Then the more reason why you should know already your father is not a man to always stay in the same mood. Whenever he grows hot, one little change of weather he can turn cold. He might favor you now, but that favor can turned to anger if you displease him any further by not giving respects to his wife, the Queen of England" He said reminding her of her dislike to Kitty Howard and how it was causing them trouble.

"And why should I acknowledge the cousin of that whore!" She cried.

Kitty formed fists. She was squeezing them very hard. Nobody insulted her family and got away with it, why should the Queen of England have to tolerate this grown brat's insult? She wanted nothing more than to march up to her and demand respect but for the time being she was much a subject of her husband as was Mary. She couldn't reprimand her without first going to the King to complain about her stepdaugther's behavior.

"Because that cousin's whore " Phillip said "happens to be your father's wife, the Queen of England"

"She is not Queen until she is crowned!" Mary reminded him.

"That is not the point, crowned or not she is young and your father is sure that she will give England a son soon. He is very infatuated with her Mary, you should be careful where you thread with her."

Mary growled.

"I will not have him be-"

"Let us not fightover this"

"No let us fight Phillip, I will not let my son's soul be thrown from Heaven's gate on my watch. I am the boy's mother!"

"And I am the boy's father!" He cried back.

He sighed defeatedly.

"Mary please as your husband I beg you don't incurr his wrath, don't give him reason to toss you aside. His favor is being put on your sister now, she is your stepmother's favorite and Edward as always. If you don't show her any favor, simply make a comment you don't have to be her best friend; he will take all of this away, and he will take Phillip John away not just from you but from me too!"

"He would not" She said quickly her tone harsh as before.

"He put aside two of his wives he said he loved and cherished because they could not give him a son, one was the aunt of the most poweful man in Europe, the other was the woman he fought hard to marry and abstained from any other relationship while he waited her to come his bed for seven years, I think your father is capable of anything by now"

Mary breathed hard, for every exhale Kitty was trying hard to picture their faces. Phillip the ever so calm and sympathetic Duke must be masking his anger with a neutral expression, the same she suspected when he had told Kitty of Mary's letter after his son's birth.

Mary she could picture her acting nervous and desperate, her face not able to hide her negative array of emotions.

"Even so," she said "I am not going to have my son be taught by a Heretic and that is final"

"He is also my son Mary and like it or not I have a say in his education as well!" He said harshly leaving his wife speechless.

The silence went on like forever, and Kitty became more invaded with curiosity. She wanted to be inside the room just to see the look on Mary's face after her husband had won the argument.

However Phillip's triump was short lived as Kitty heard the heavy footstalls of Mary advancing closer to the door, and then suddenly they stopped as Mary in a deathly tone said to her husband.

"If that is what you want just bear this in mind that I am his mother, and just as all your lutheran women say, a mother knows best about her offspring's education than his father, but I will respect your decission wrong as we both know it is"

Every little comment she made was like a dagger to his heart, and worst of all was she was not realizing how much she was hurting him. Much as she believed in her faith, so did Phillip. Tolerance was a word the Duchess did not include in her dictionary, she had made it evident with her last comment.

Kitty took this as her opportunity to leave quickly to the guest rooms of Hunsdon that she was sharing with her husband before she could be noticed by Mary.

* * *

_"We walk alone in the unknown  
We live to win another victory  
__We are the young dying suns  
__we live to change the face of history  
so be afraid the price to pay!__"_

**We are one by 12 stones**

* * *

One week later after their last discussion, Mary could not believe that it had come to this. She was now standing at Westiminster witnessing the heresy, a mockery of a true christening ceremony hosted by the Archbishop Cranmer to baptize her son!

She had practically sold her son's soul to the devil. How could she? How could Phillip have agreed with this, and how -she still failed to acknowledge this- easily had she been swayed by his soft words to concede to his demands!

She became invaded by anger once more when she heard the Archbishop speak in English once more.

This was not how this was supposed to go. Her son should have been baptized by Bishop Gardiner (a true churchman), in a Latin ceremony, his soul had forever been forsaken by Phillip but Phillip did not know this, he thought that he was doing the right thin and so did her father who was more happy to see another male Tudor heir in the Royal craddle than to care for his daughter's preferences.

Was this how this was supposed to be? Was God displeased by this yet he was choosing not to intervene on her behalf?

She asked for a savior day and night after Phillip had told her that their son would be christened in a heretic ceremony. But the savior never answered her prayers, sometimes she would even speak to her mother before Phillip came into their bedroom hoping to hear an answer but she never answered her either.

For the first time Mary realized she was utterly alone.

No one was going to come to save her or deliver her son from this evil, she had to do it herself but she didn't have the courage nor the motivation to do it.

How weak she had been for not fighting harder with Phillip against this.

Her mother had always been brave when it came to defending her beliefs against her father, Mary in contrast had not possessed the same strength, in the end she had accepted Phillip's judgment. She had given very little resistance. If her mother had been present at the time of their discussion, she would have been disappointed to see Isabella's granddaughter give up so easily.

Her son's godmother, Kitty Howard, carried the newly christened Lord Phillip John away after the Archbishop's words had uttered the words "let us go in peace"and the ceremony had ended. She could not take her son away from her because doing so would be seen as a great insult, and the last thing she wanted was to make this day worse.

She had to watch as everyone gathered around their new savior, a messiah she heard many say, including her father, one who had united the Protestant States of Germany with England and would one day be the ruler of a powerful nation.

She felt something slid past her cheek. While everyone was so busy gathering around her son, her hand went to her eyes. It was a hot liquid, she was crying she realized. She was crying, how silly of her! Why should she cry?

She should be happy, had brought England another heir after her father begot Edward! A son who if he inherited her father's throne, he would become the most powerful man in all Europe, powerful enough to rival her cousin's Holy Roman Empire. She should not be sadenned, she should rejoice for she had borne a strong union between the Protestants States and England. It was a strong union, one she should be proud ...

But she wasn't.

There was nothing to be proud of. She retired her finger away from her face. She did not notice the voice of someone close by.

It was not until that person touched her shoulder that she noticed him.

"Excellency" She exclaimed. During the whole ceremony he had been there, but she had never noticed him. She thought that considering how her cousin did not approve of this union, that he would not be present, but then she reminded herself that Chapuys was a diplomat and it was his duty to oversee all the royal dealings in England to report back to his master.

"Your Grace" He said. He had noticed her sadness long before the crowd had gathered around the Queen and her only step grandson. "I come to give you good news"

_It will be the only good news in all day_ she thought sourly blinking twice to make sure the apparent sadness was cleared from her eyes.

It was not but Chapuys and she pretended that it was, it would soon be no doubt after he told her the good news he had just received from the Emperor.

"The Emperor has just ordered me to tell you as soon as possible that His Holiness and him have aproved of your union and henceforth their blessings to your son, Lord Phillip John. I am sure he will make a fine ruler someday"

Mary looked at her son still in that harlot's arms. "Yes I am sure he will" She said. "He will make a fine ruler" she said once more now with more confidence.

The news had erased all the sadness from her eyes. One days soon the situation in England would change, and if she ever got to be Queen, she would freeze all the heretics' movements starting by the calvinists and lutherans. She would shed as much blood as she would have to, waste as much lives as possible to make sure that her son would inherit a good Catholic Kingdom and though Phillip and her father had the upper hand now, she would be the last one laughing in the end when her son would unite both England and the Heretic Territories, and she would make sure that he cleansed all of those territories from Heretic influence.

In her eyes Chapuys saw determination arise combined with anger. Chapuys did not need to turn to see where her anger came from. The Queen of England arms had relaxed the crying infant that had formally been in her husband's arms. It seemed that as far as parenting skills went Phillip lacked them, one of many skills Chapuys had observed that the younger man lacked.

"And you will too. He will have your strenght" Chapuys suddenly said, surprisingly even himself for he had not intended to say this. He had always spoke to his lady with the truth, but some times people deserved more than the truth, sometimes the truth was not enough, sometimes people like his lady needed a stimulant to go on with their lives.

Mary turned to the Ambassador meeting his light blue eyes. The smile in her lips widened as she heard him. They had not talked like this in almost a year, it was nice to hear him speak on a friendly basis with her again.

"Only if Gods wills it, only if God wills it" she said quoting her mother's favorite phrase.

Chapuys nodded "of course, but allow me to say that God will not have a son of England be forsaken from his strong mother" He said his voice reassuring.

Her son's giggles no longer became as important as was the aproval and comfort in His Excellency's words.

* * *

**A/N: I decided to update as soon as possible as promised the day after. Hope you enjoy, review each chapter, I want your feedback for each chapter, I enjoy long reviews I think they are the best, but all reviews in general are welcome.**

***Quick fact vs fiction. Bishop Gardiner was a strong Catholic figure, very prominent during Henry's name and yes some historians as I have read in journals have called him very fanatic, and to our view now he was, but one thing that I have learned from my history professors is that when we read history especially for me as a history major, is better to read it without a twenty first century perspective, basically unlearn everything you have been taught and understand the people back then, getting into their minds, history is not only read, ready, and investigate is also doing detective work and putting ourselves in the mind of the people we are studying.**  
**All history is subjective, so my advise is to those doing fanfiction or going into a history centered career is to read the material that is the subject of your study, but when you read it don't just stop there ask questions like how, why and what? and the more you ask these questions the more you will be motivated to investigate further and understand the period.**

***I hope that POB and Mary was to your liking, I think that as Nell Painter once suggested that history characters cannot be psycho analyzed only understood because they are dead however with historical fiction we try to do this to add a level of realism to our stories, and I am hoping that I am meeting everyone's expectations as far as CHARY go.**


	16. Destiny calls

_**A/N: Sorry for not updating, been feeling really bad, stressed and headache but finally finished all my chapters and my twelve pages two essays and my other two analysis papers and finished reading my two four hundred pages books yes! Plus the Aenid but I already aread that so no biggie there, however it has been hectic because it had been a while since I read Aristotle, or Socrates by Plato so I had trouble with my last exam.**_

**_Because my next summer is starting in one week, updates will be done each thursday every two weeks, so next update expect July 8th._**

**_In case I don't make it on Thursday whatever happens I will assure it will be moved to Saturday, no later than that :) k,k._**

**_Now as Dani [SSLE] I was mad at 4.09 because Chapuys was not supposed to die that early, I was like duh he does not die you morons in 1545, he dies 11 years later! But oh well it is showtime, makes me wonder how many CHANGES they will do to Borgias which premieres in 2011!_**

**_I am a fan of italian and english history so I can become very passionate and sometimes I admit angry over the creative license directors take with these shows. I have read so many books and biographies on the borgias as some selected fiction, but being showtime I can imagine they will take great creative license since *cought* we started on the wrong foot Hirst is involved. I hope they don't put Lucretia as nothing more than a slutty, narcissistic, killer because recent scholars have argues against the backlash propaganda against Lucretia._**

**_Sorry to bore you, now on with the chapter this has very Mary themed insight thoughts about Phillip and her son ..._**

**_~Carolina_**

* * *

_"Socrates according to Plato's re-account of his last dialogues (before this was imprisoned) said that love was not all beautiful and that beautiful does not mean necessarily good. Love is a schemer, it yearns to be beautiful because it lacks that which it desires, so do we as humans we look always for what we lack, and it all starts with desire and desire does not have to be started with our eyes, it can be mental visualization, though in some extreme cases visualization does start by what we physically see and when that happens desire can turn to obsession and twist the balance imposed by love" _**~Anonymous on Plato, Socrates and Love**

* * *

Mary's chest was a rough knot of pain twisting around her heart. Should she draw the sharp sword of her rough words against the King's consort and demand that she give her son back? Or, should she just let things be like her betters had done before her?

Such contradictions with her desires, if her mother was here she would tell Mary to let it be, to bow down her head for her husband's will, that was what her mother would do, what any good Christian woman would do. But for Mary to bow down her head while her son continued to receive the praise of the demonic like Cranmer and other Heretics, including her own husband who had permitted for this mockery he liked to call "Baptism", would be to give up her faith, the true faith, in God.

Out of what proverbs had said in the holy gospels instructed women to be wise mothers, and good housewives but it also said that women should know more than their husbands about politics, economics and know of administering their own Households should they be left alone without a man to take care of them or their children. Women had an important task, said Proverbs, to look after the family, to educate them in the law of their Lord and to rear the children to be good subjects for God.  
Mary felt it was her duty to rear a good son, for Bavaria and for England.

She felt this was her calling, she could feel God speaking to her as if on a vision, on a heavenly trance when her son had been borne.

God choses us all, but very few are his favorites. Indeed, even the pagans as mentioned in the epic poem by Homer, the Illiad –we don't get to choose what the gods gives us … and we can't just toss their gifts aside. Paris though regarded as the great coward, had possessed great knowledge of the gods' will, of what fate meant.

Fate meant for Mary to rear her son in a home where God and the gospels were abundant along with joy forming a good balance for the soul by adding prosperity to it.

But, she often asked since her son was born and with her last discussion with Phillip before her son's "Christening", how can she give him prosperity when her own marriage was on the rocks?

Phillip did not want to listen to her, everything that came from her mouth passed through his ears without care, and without regard that she might be right. In Phillip's mind it was Mary who was the child here, the poor frail being who needed protection, who could not make it out on her own, much less could she make a decision for another more defenseless being like their child.

_Listen to yourself, _her mind reproached her, _are you going to let Phillip win this round? Have you not learned anything from your mother's hardship, from all her trials and tribulations she passed for you, against your father?  
Your mother loved God, she obeyed all of the Lord's commandments, she never coveted or wished for anything or anyone that was not hers, unlike Anne Boleyn who wreaked your home and your mother's. She was a good Christian woman, she exemplified purity and chastity, so should you make yourself virtuous and pure. Chastity is not only to be loyal sexually to your spouse, you also have to exemplify what the Gospels demand of you as God's servant and as a good Christian woman and a mother._

It was right, who was she to question the Lord's will or her mother's actions? Her mother had never doubted God, she had never doubted her mission on Earth, to save her father's soul and Mary's as well as to fight for her daughter's rightful claim to the English throne.

Mary should not doubt for a second that she was disobeying the Lord's will, clearly he meant for Mary to march up like David had against Goliath, to Kitty and the rest of the Heretics who were intent on staining her son's innocent and pure white soul.

She was a warrior of God, and not only for God but also for her son. This sounded confusing to us, but bear for Mary who believed this to be an absolute truth from a God that in her mind was not only caring, loving and forgiving but also a powerful patriarchal figure who represented justice for the weak and (with her case) for the mistreated.

Mary did not consider herself a victim, she never would. Victims for her were weak, and she had been reared never to cry, to show emotion because that was weak, and her mother would not want to see her that way, neither would His Excellency whose piercing blue eyes were still bearing on her dark grey ones.

"Milady …"

He was cut off before he could begin to comfort her.

"I am very glad you came. You honor me with your presence Your Excellency. You have been my most trusted confidant and friend, probably the only one I have amongst a nest of hornets" she said carefully looking besides her at the people who were still around her son giving him huge praise.

Chapuys said after she returned her gaze to him. "We all have difficult times ahead, but I must tell you something, something very grave"

Mary knitted her eyebrows. What could be so grave that could make his face so forlorn and force his teeth to bite his lips, a manner in which she had never seen him act before.

Could he be leaving? The thought of him leaving her again was unbearable. Last time he had left a poor replacement had been sent as the representative of the Empire by her niece and cousin Mary of Hungary. Maioris proved to be a very cunning and smart politician, but he lacked that slyness and cynicism which had always been the distinctive trademarks of her most trusted friend.

"What is it?" She finally asked leaving aside for a moment all formalities.

The people behind them seem to fade away and it was only them now.

"Milady I have convinced the Emperor to approve of your marriage and he in turn has convinced the pope" In reality the pope needed little convincing since the Emperor controlled the man very well, but he didn't voice this of course.

"So what is it that I need to worry about? Is there something you are not telling me Your Excellence?" She asked cautio8usly eyeing him very well.

He could feel her intrusive look while she was also inspecting for the truth inside his soul.

"Milady" he refrained himself from being intimidated at her presence. It was not like he hadn't faced her in similar circumstaces before. "The Emperor's hopes are that your stepmother will give the King another Princess or that God be willing the Duke of Cornwall remains your father only (male) heir"

Mary's eyes narrowed. "But what good would that do? Surely Edward would inherit and I-I will still be a bastard like my poor sister" She said in a matter of fact way "Everyone knows that" she finished like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Chapuys had to resist to smirk, his poor, poor and still poor-sweet lady, good natured and selfless, these atittudes had made her very naive.

"But I have been talking to other people at Court who have argued that since your mother was an annointed heir (and while Prince Edward, while heir to the crown) still his mother was not annointed Queen, not officially like yours, that is why if your father's new wife has a son, he will not hessitate to annoint her to avoid any doubts pertaining about his Duke of York's legitimacy"

Mary moved her head slightly backwards. "So you are saying that if Edward, God forbid, has no heirs of his own I ... could ... be placed after him?"

"Exactly" He said quickly not able to hide his excitement as his Lady finally thought about the great possibilities that could await her, should she be next in line after her brother.

That would not only place her as second in line to the throne, but also her son. She would succeed where her father, and (though she loved Edward, the prospect of being a Queen was a thought she could not pull from her mind, she would be realizing her mother's dream after all and **her **dream) her brother would not, giving the Tudor line heirs, a strong Tudor (male) heir who was healthy and who would live on to have his own heirs, hopefully males all of them.

Queen Mary the First of England and France and First Lady of Ireland ...

She would be the highest born woman in the land, she was already even if everyone said the contrary because of her (current) bastard status put there by her father.

She looked away from Chapuys, wheeling around to see the scene that had not changed since she had turned to face Chapuys earlier. Her son was still held in Queen Katherine's arms, the harlot was praising him and her laughter was loud and clear for everyone to hear. What hurt Mary the must was that her husband and her father were joining in the laughter. She could have been disgusted at such display, but no ammount of the snake's happiness could overshadow her own at the prospect that it would be her who would be Queen, and her son, her perfect male heir would be King of England someday and Duke of Bavaria joining two perfect Kingdoms together. It was more than whatever heir her father had begotten after her.

Smiling she wheeled back to face the ambassador. "Only if God wills it Excellency, only if God wills it" She said.

He opened his mouth to reply but soon his mouth closed, as her smiled waned when they heard Phillip call her name.

"Mary, Mary!" He called.

Mary excused herself from the ambassador and went to her husband's side, who much to her chagrin, was still laughing at a bad joke that Katherine Howard made about her, regarding her past somber atittude prior to marrying Phillip.

"Don't you find it funny Your Grace?" Asked Kitty, not bothering to show the slightes sign of respect for a former Princess of England. Mary though a bastard was still the King's daughter and as such she deserved respect, but Kitty knowing well what Mary thought of her was not willing to show her any.

The same could be said about Mary, who after gritting her teeth was forced to smile and amicably reply "I find it quite a jest you make. The best can only be expected from a true English Queen"

Kitty high pitched laughter was joined in by the others after Mary finished.

She was making fun of her, but like her mother she would not reply, she would not fight her, because unlike Kitty Mary descended from Kings and Queens. She was daughter, granddaughter, great and many times great granddaughter of Kings and Queens and unlike Kitty Howard who was a young and silly, little, frivolous girl, she knew how to behave herself and endure the psychological pain that her enemies put her through. She would behave herself with the same grace that her mother did when she endure her trials and tribulations of her father's many backstabbings, including his last to her with Anne Boleyn.  
Her mother never publicly fought him, she never disrespected him, she never verbally lashed at him for there are other ways women could humiliate and destroy their enemies and such ways Mary had learned them through her mother and what she had seen of Chapuys -her greatest mentor so far.

So let Kitty laugh, let her enjoy her father's favor and amorous pursuit of her young figure. As Socrates and Agathon said in Plato's Symposium -beauty never lasts, it all decays. Love is the search for what it lacks, love is not all beautiful, it is not milk and honey. It can be cruel and love above all we must never forget, behaves like a scheemer, it can create, modify and destroy, and if love fails to balance all impurities and virtues alike then it falls under desire and desire can ultimately end (if temperance is absent) in obsession and in regret.  
Sooner or later happiness end. Like it ended for Anne Boleyn it would end for Kitty Howard.

So let her enjoy this ... while it lasts.

* * *

_"If women want any rights why don't they just take them, and not be talking about them"_ **~Sojourner Truth**

* * *

On the third month after her son's birth, she and Phillip traveled back to Hunsdon.

Because of her son she and her husbands had been given two more states. Both states were grand and very big, but Mary didn't find them very enjoyable since she had little to do in them. It was always the same routine since her son's birth. Walk with Phillip, walk with her son's nurse, talk with Susan, welcome newcomer Lady Jane Dormer to her service. Read Chapuys' letters for news of her cousin and niece -Mary of Hungary.

For years she had yearned this, to be back into her father's good graces.

_'Be careful what you wish for ... it could become true'_

Her mother had been right. Always be careful what you wish for, because you never know in what circumstances can you find yourself living that wish.

Three years ago she would never have imagined herself being married. She remembered telling Chapuys (a year before he had left the Country and been replaced -with a man whom she thought was the worst replacement they could find for him, Maioris) that she would never be destined for happiness, and that he better tell her cousin to cancel the marriage agreement between Dom Luis de Portugal and her.

Rumors were he had married some wench, whore or poor noble ... whatever. The case was that he was not available and after she was forced to stage an angry discussion -at Cromwell and her father's request- with Chapuys over her dowry by the Emperor concerning her betrothal with Dom Luis, she had begun to think that she would never find a suitable groom.

Nobody wanted to wed her father. Christina de Milan and Marie of Guise had both said that if they had one extra head to give to her father they would.

Her father should consider himself lucky that he had Anne of Cleves and that he had gotten from what he called the "ugly Flanders' Mare" a child, though stillborn he was still able to prove through her pregnancy that he could still beget children from women, young, old, ugly or not.

Beauty though for her father coupled with poor wits and youth equaled health. The sole reason why he had married Kitty Howard because the girl was not the smartest cookie, and she was a young, handsome woman. With her French dances like her cousin she had trapped her father and her blond curls flying and forming a net that imitated the sunshine's rays when she would twirl in her dances amused not only the King, but the entire Court. Even Mary's husband had fallen under the harlot's spell and why should Phillip not be excused when Kitty had the same smile that Helen of Sparta was said to have had that launched a thousand ships to come for her?

This silly thing could cause trouble for her if she bore a Duke of York. Mary wanted to be Queen and she wanted to see England return to its rightful place, as a faithful nation to Rome and to the true religion.

Her hopes she did not realize however were squashed the moment she had given birth to what would become the third child of the Reformation -her son Lord Phillip.

Mary stood from her seat and came out of her bedroom. She went to the living room where she saw Phillip trying to reconcile with his son.

The first month had been very difficult for both father and son. Phillip Jr. saw his father as a stranger and Phillip? ... well Phillip he tried very hard but seldom would he get a smile from her son -unless his mother or grandparents were present.

Phillip was mumbling something under his breath that made their son giggle.

It made her husband smile. Little Phillip no longer saw his father as a stranger. "Yes, you do. You do isn't that right? Isn't that right?" He said playfully to his heir.

Mary giggled as did her son.

It was a beautiful scene. The two men she loved most in life were finally bonding, they no longer needed her intervention so Mary left for outside where she took a walk all on her own.

The quiet environment, the fresh air, and the smell of the blooming flowers plus the beautiful singing of the birds made her mind go blank. Too many thoughts always invaded her, but with the stillness of the forest around her with ever step she took to venture deeper into the woods, her mind and her body also came to a stillness. Everything inside her finally found peace. The only sound she heard were the birds on top of tress singing.

When her whole body finally found peace, at the same time her mind went completely blank. Untroubled that she was far away now from her state at Hunsdon, she looked up and spotted four beautiful flying creatures she had not noticed before on her premises.

Two were blue with green butterflies. They were mostly green, only two dots on each wing were blue and had it not been for those two dots she would not have noticed them as their green color allowed them to blend in perfectly with the leaves of the tress' branches above her. They landed on top of her finger as she raised her hand to receive them.

The two others were hawks, very beautiful. The sunlight made their blueish outlines visibles. She had not seen a hawk since she was twelve. Back then when she had been at Ludlow, she had asked her servant friend, Michael to teach her everything he could about falconry. She wanted to talk, eat and walk like a man so her father would be proud and stop his dangerous obsession for a male heir. Falconry became her past time, and Michael whom she knew nothing of after she had been removed from Ludlow, took as his obsession to train her.  
He had been eight years older than her, but for his age he was far ahead of his times. Unlike her tutor Vives he did not believe in the passiveness of women, he was the one who told her that you make your own destiny and that because she was very strongwilled and open to try things that other women or Princesses in her position would not try, her destiny would lead her to the throne of England. He wanted to prove his theory by making her into a master of falconry.

She never thought herself as the best, but she loved to brag. Mary always showed off her skills that she was better than any man to exalt her talents as the heir presumptive you had to. You had to seem as the best, because best in royalty means power and power means everything in England for a woman. Anne and her mother were proof of that.

In an attempt to lift her arm so she could tame the first falcon, the falcon flew away and only one remained. She didn't know how, it defied all logic but somehow she knew this gorgeous specimen was female.

The hope that she was Mistress and Master of everything around her returned as the small bitch stopped and landed on top of her left arm which was lifted as her other one.

There was another incentive why Mary wanted to have these flying creatures on top of her. The skies were always something that Mary wanted to conquer. Despite her mother warning her that too much pride could kill a woman, she ambitioned to conquer. She could be another Isabella, another Alexander Magnas (for 'Great') if given the chance. The animals responding to her invasive thoughts of greatness flew to her shoulders.

The falcon's small yellow eyes turned to Mary dark grey ones.

"If I could have your boldness and your strength to lift my arms to the heavens and to stand against giants I could be remembered in the centuries to come" She said slowly.

The falcon replied tilting her head upwards.

The sky.

It was poiting to the heavens where Mary wished to soar.

That was where all the universe held its greater mysteries, where the stars revolved, silently moving around Earth waiting for the time when we could discover them. Her grandmother had been a visionary, she believed in travel, in any travel be that by land or sea. Thanks to Isabella financing Columbus' and other explorers voyages now every Christian knew of the new world and it had opened doors to new trades and new knowledge.

If men could be capable of discovering new lands withing their round planet, then they could logically one day discover new things in the skies and beyond in space.

As if the falcon had read her mind it flew away and she saw it quickly disappear . After it went out of sight the butterflies followed.

Mary lowered her gaze to the ground, she did not believe in coincidences. She believed everything happened for a reason, this had been a sign from God that she was meant to do great things as her mother had tried during her first years of marriage with her father.

Science and religion she could bring all of that back to England, God be willing she now believed, when she would ascend as its next Queen.

In the intellectual aspect Mary considered herself as a scholar among her gender, not because she believed she was better than any woman, this need that turned her to an overachiever to become the greatest mind in England, came from her desire to emulate her father, a King.

If she could not be a King in the physical aspect she could become one by the way she would act to others. Marillac the ambassador from France, an enemy of her dear _friend_ Chapuys, considered her to be an example of all the Royals. If it wasn't because she was already taken and his rival ambassador had convinced his master (to convince the Pope) to validate the marriage, he would be knocking constantly at her door asking her to consider a French betrothal with the Duc of Orleans.  
Marillac wanted France to replace the Empire, and that wasn't as far as his ambitions for his master went, he also had ambitions for himself. He wanted to replace Chapuys in any way, shape or form he could find as the next great foreign influence in the English Court. He had done that for a time when Chapuys had been gone. With the poor replacement, Marillac had found it easier to reach his rival's former position, but for all his schemes and his slyness Chapuys had beat him right to it again when he returned.

She made a vow now while on her way to Hunsdon, that no matter what, she would never doubt Chapuys' word again. He had done more for her than any other ambassador or ally. Because of him her son was legitimate, and she had come to find herself closer to the throne of England than expected -if the rumors the ambassador told her about the Queen's fertility were true, that she had supposedly put a pebble between her legs to avoid becoming pregnant by the other men she had bedded in the Dowager Duchess' Household. Chapuys told her never to divluge this, not even to her husband. They had no official proof she had been intimate with Dereham or the other men she had been rumored to be intimate with. All they had were gossip and therefore unfounded rumors. A rumor though in her father's Court could prove to be very powerful evidence when it was convenient for him.

For now though she would follow his advice, but if it ever came that she felt cornored or threatened by Kitty Howard, she would expose her, rumor or not, Kitty for what she was and that way she would secure the way for herself and her children to the throne of England.

With this new image where she saw herself walking to the throne of England, her red hair flowing and the Archbishop of Canterbury placing the Crown on top of her head, annointing her forehead and the orb being placed on hands; Mary walked back to her Hunsdon unaware during her jouney back that the sun had set -and by the time she came inside to find Phillip with their son still in his hands, the skies had gone completely dark, its clouds covering completely the full moon.

* * *

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***I want to thank Dani [SSLE] who let me come on some great new research on Chapuys, and I have done research from the info she has given me to my university database to find info on books about this, and though I don't want to rely too much on the British Archives I must since something they prove very useful especially for this story and to compare and contrast other sources on Chapuys.  
The character briefly mentioned as Chapuys' replacement called Maioris was the Dean of Cambry, he is not a made up, he came to replace Chapuys in the time he left for Antwerp and Louvian, and apparently from what I have seen in the Archives and from the other info that Dani has provided me with, this action was more of a request on Mary of Hungary's part and not so much the Emperor.**

***NEXT -What is the deal with Mary being scientifc all of a sudden Caro? WTF! Well people Mary was taught in science, math, biology and in letters including greek and roman philosophy and of course the classics. She was a very educated woman, most of her philosophy derived from what she was taught by Juan Luis Vives who made a book for her on how women should behave, be well reserved and well behaved, but as we know historically by Mary's atittude and what Marillac says of her (1538-1542) in his letters she didn't follow this advice.**

**Next chapter will have a lot of CHARY. So CHARY lovers be prepared for your favorite moment yet.**

**~Carolina **


	17. Say it is not true

**A/N: Here it is thanks to all my reviewers I love you guys, please read an important notice below.**

**Love you all keep reviewing keep this baby alive!**

**Sorry for the wait as I said if I don't update each two weeks every Thursday then it is Saturday, I just have too much workload, still three more weeks of summer to go!**

**I suggest you hear this song Say you don't want it while you read this chapter it will make you feel the tension and charm visible here between our favorite couple, CHARY.**

**~Carolina

* * *

  
**

"_Talk all the talk with a poet's style  
Tongue like electric, eyes like a child  
Buy only wives and the classic cars  
Live like a savior, live like the stars  
Talk all the talk with a model's smile  
Tongue like electric, eyes like a child  
Buy all your highs and the classic cars  
Die on the front page, just like the stars_

_The big screens, the plastic-made dreams  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it  
Its our world, the picture-book girls  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it  
Don't you ask me if its love my dear  
Love don't really mean a thing round here  
The fake scenes the plastic-made dreams  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it_

_Pace all the rooms with a jealous style  
Tongue like electric, eyes like a child  
Paint all your soul with the grand designs  
Reach like a savior, your heart on the line  
Talk all the talk with a model's smile  
Tongue like electric, eyes like a child  
Buy all your highs and the classic cars  
Die on the front page, just like the stars_

_The big screens, the plastic-made dreams  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it  
Its our world, the picture-book girls  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it  
Don't you ask me if its love my dear  
Love don't really mean a thing round here  
The fake scenes the plastic-made dreams  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it_

_The big screens, the plastic-made dreams  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it  
Its our world, the picture-book girls  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it_

_Don't you ask me if its love my dear  
Love don't really mean a thing round here  
The fake scenes the plastic-made dreams  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it_

_Say you don't want it, say you don't want it  
Say you don't want it, say you don't want it"_

**~Say you don't want it by One Night Only

* * *

**

He had enough on his plate to contemplate. First he had to see his lady suffer at the expense of her husband and that new trollop the King had parading in public, his so called new Queen (Chapuys did not see how that whore's cousin could deserve the title of Queen) –Why –he thought many times –even the harlot had better decency, and that is saying a lot from a man who has seen it all, than this petty little thing the King decided to make his wife.

He did not want to attend that shameful ceremony of his lady's son's baptism but protocol required him to. The Emperor whom he had convinced, and he in turn managed to convince the "Regent" his headstrong female relative Mary of Hungary that it would be in their best interests to support Mary's son as the next heir, should His Majesty of course never begets another heir of his own besides Edward.

It was ridiculous the behavior that went around in Court. Whenever he would see that trollop dance, he would be reminded of Anne Boleyn.

It is Anne Boleyn all over again, he could hear the unconscious voice of his lady speak to him through quiet whispers just yesterday when she had been forced to relinquish one of her most valuable maids –she had been new to her service, Lady Jane Dormer.

His poor lady, she did not get the chance to pick whom to retire from her service forever. The Queen had decided she would get to pick and choose who to take and who to put in her place. What was worst out of all this sad tale was that the Duke, her so called husband, had allowed it! He thought outraged.

If he had been a man like Philip he would probably defend himself with the old excuse, it is better to be the devil's sides for one's sake than to be a thorn by his side. These last words were spoken to him by poor Sir Thomas. Good advise that gave him! He thought amused. Eustace had last seen him so devoted to the King and to Parliament's decision to make the Queen and the Princess not eligible to be in the King's line of succession. Unlike Eustace he did not believe the decision of the Pope had anything to do with Parliament. He believed in Parliament as he believed and admired the old Roman Senate more than a figure head, which was ultimately happened in Rome and sadly here in England. It was the whole reason why this was happening. Why this evil was infecting everyone's mind turning them into drones, and their hearts were being blackened turning into stones.

He had no problem with Humanism, he himself was devout to the humanist's cause to correct the world, but he knew that there was more to reality than words and romantic prose. As his old friend Erasmus would say, the world does not revolve around you and we are not the center of the world, much less Kings.

His words were never spoken or said to anyone else but to Eustace, maybe Thomas Moore considering Erasmus was very close friends and they often exchanged letters with each other.

His words if ever discovered would not only threaten a monarch's rule but also the foundation of which all monarchs base their rule –the Church.

The Church was God's order. And we were the lamb, his old mentor would say. He believed the Church to be the law and order that governed and should keep governing man. Without laws there could be no order, without order no peace, and without peace nothing but chaos and destruction would reign.

However Erasmus towards the end of his life it seems was creating a new religion for himself, in his last letter he spoke to Chapuys of fantastic gardens, an imaginary place where freedom reigned and the only King they had to worry about was God, but God was just and merciful as the people there, he called it Utopia, like Sir Thomas Moore's grand noble. A place where no one suffered, where everyone was of the same race, color, and where religion –his friend said in his letter- did not exist and so there were no factions and divisions, therefore no more bloodshed to worry about.

He had burned this letter. His friend deserved to be remembered for the long standing intellectual and man of reason he was known for, not for the raving lunatic who wrote this impossible place in his last minutes before succumbing to death's arms.

It was another secret out of many Eustace had he would take to his grave.

Mary of Hungary's last letter had been written in such a state of fury that he had trouble getting past her awful handwriting, a product of her strong emotion that she must have been victim of when she wrote this letter directed to the Ambassador that she had never approved of.

He felt the same way about her, the feeling was mutual there, if they could agree on something was that they disagreed on the measures each was taking when it came to establishing international relations between the Empire and England.

Mary of Hungary though more empathic to the Princess' plight was more vengeful and had been less pragmatic, though just as ambitions, as Charles V. She had been the bane in his bones that had been causing him to cringe every time he came across her letter, words like "incompetent", "useless" and "not enough" to depict her family member, now closer to the crown of England because of "her heretic son and husband" she had said, to divorce the Duke of Bavaria.

He was a potential threat to the political plans the Emperor and she had in mind for his lady. To tell the truth Chapuys had planned to follow Mary of Hungary's schemes as well. Tolerance, piety to heretics –bah!

Tolerance if such a word could ever be conceived, was not exactly in Eustace's dictionary or in his nature.

If there was one way, and he believed to be only one, to return England back to God was through piety and obedience to the Old and only True Church Universal Church of the world- through Catholicism.

His Lady for a fact he knew –still believed in the old ways, but hitherto because of her husband she could not act, it was required of her to be a good mother, to be a good teacher, to be loyal to husband and if she ever got to be Queen, she would be loyal to son, which meant she would only be Queen –if ever given this chance, miracle or as he liked to think of it now, curse- in name only.

Eustace here he was now then traveling to Hunsdon. He wished nothing more than to be avoided the inconvenience of being sent to that place by his master. But because his master and his closest of all family members, excluding his direct heir Prince of Asturias Philip of course, Mary of Hungary, commanded him he could not refuse.

Last time he had convinced his master and gone against all their best interests, including his, it had gone very bad for him, he could not afford to look weak or sentimental for a former Princess that was not worth anymore fighting and no longer within his range to influence or give advice.

All this time that he had spent in England, except the year he had been sent away and replaced by a poor imbecile by Mary of Hungary, he had been preparing the young Princess for when she would be Queen. God willingly he had prayed day and night that he would live to see it or at least hear about it. But Alas God had a quirky sense of humor. Now she was destined to be more than a puppet, her husband's puppet, as her son when he got older.

His eyes were beginning to show the drowsiness. Fleming could see it very well since he had been asked by his master to ride in the carriage with him. Fleming did not know why Eustace had asked him to, since the relationship between Master and subject had never been a close one –at least that was how he was sure Eustace viewed it.

Outside of first name basis in private, in public he would act just like any other arrogant arse who had airs of greatness. His master was really no different than any other master, with the exception of course that he lacked the arrogance and superiority feeling that many English ones had, noble born or not.

Some of his companions who worked or had been employed by His Majesty or his closest advisers considered Fleming lucky to get a master as lenient –their exact wording to describe Eustace- like the Imperial Ambassador.

He did not know if lenient was the correct word to describe Eustace Chapuys, perhaps less shrewd with him than with his other servants, including his much younger one the Spaniard Rafael, and more permissive than other lesser nobles or Ambassadors.

More he thought about the people he knew around Court, also servants, he found he was also lucky, if he had been placed in the service of the King or any other English Royal they would have kicked his arse all the way back to the northern part of England or sent him to Ireland as a punishment!  
_'Heavens no!_ he thought, the idea of being sent to Ireland was the worst punishment a man (though low born) in his stature could have.

"How much longer?" Eustace grumbled.

Fleming heard but did not say anything, he rolled back on his master's comments and returned to his own worries.

The wine Eustace had drank earlier and the ham he'd had for breakfast, he could still feel the taste of them at the tip of his lips. He had eaten so fast he had not gotten a chance to clean the grease of the animal he had chewed from his lips. Naturally he licked them as a way to distract himself from the onset of worries going on in his head.

His main worry was what his lady's reaction would be once she read her cousin's letter?

No doubt, knowing her humors she would explode in anger.

But keeping a neutral face he pressed both his lips together forming a thin line.

The taste of the pork was gone once the carriage stopped and the driver stepped down to open the door for them.

Fleming got down first then Eustace.

* * *

(Eustace POV)

I had expected to see to see the Duchess and that odious Duke right away, but that insolent boy was nowhere to be seen.

Good riddance, I think, his presence would have suffocated me even more then when we were told we had arrived at Hunsdson.

Why couldn't the Emperor have kept Mary of Hungary's replacement, the Dean of Cambray, Maioiris?

He was an imbecile and yes a very poor replacement –I confirm to my mind who was not stopping its racking telling me that it was best that I stayed here after all.

I do not reply to the last part. Antwerp and especially Annency …

Oh how I miss that place … if there is a place that could resemble Thomas Moore's Utopia that would be Annency … and I will never say this to anyone but myself, but if I were to pick a spot to retire it would be Annency, my birthplace is all the only thing that I consider beautiful in this world.

I have seen too much malice and evil, if that word can be used to describe my whole experience in both Courts, the Imperial and the English. In one I have seen nothing but bigotry and malice, in the other nothing short comes to my mind to describe it but evil.

I believe all the English now to be nothing but mindless drones, those who control and rule the Country are nothing but evil men, for only evil men Wolsey was right, pray harder, kneel more and preach the Lord's words without fully knowing their meaning.

It is these devils that I have always warned milady to be wary of, to protect herself from them and that she can only trust in my advice and in her cousin's.

But now things are different, my mind whispers, she no longer trusts you.

Alas that is true.

Fleming came behind me, I was greeted by Lady Susan, there was a smile in her face to us as usual that made it feel like a Sunday at Church. I reminisce to all the times that milady has had it bad, there was always Susan there to take care of her, if there was one person that could be her "friend" or something close to that in this God-forsaken island it was Lady Claverenciux.

Susan spoke after the formalities had ended.

"I will see for the Duchess right away" and she left to call for the Duchess.

I can still not bring myself to think of her as Duchess even if I know that is her title now. My subconscious is very tricky, it presses me to call her Duchess to acknowledge her as such yet it tempts me at the same time in my dreams to call her Princess, a title I think she mostly deserves.

* * *

_"One of the things that I saw in Raise the Red Lantern a famous Chinese movie is that one of the main characters -Meishan the third wife and Mistress of the Master's house, suffers in the end for loving another. She dies and is left forgotten, punished with all the other women for their "disobedience". Since when do I ask has it become a sin to love another, to feel loved and wanted? Since when did it start that we became our own enemies, that instead of sisterhood we form divisions and devise new ways for us (the women) to attack each other? When is it that the line between right and wrong is drawn? Is it so difficult to find love, to act on it instead of choosing the worst of all options -that is to live a life of misery alongside a man who in like the Raise the Red Lantern sees us as objects, as nothing more than spare wombs to beget and raise his sons? When will we act, when will we rebel, when will we love?" ~_**Me on Raise the Red Lantern, later commentary (07/09/2010)**_

* * *

_

The 'Duchess' came quickly after Susan told her of their arrival.

They were in the living room where all her guest came in awaiting to be greeted by either her or her husband. Since Philip was not here as usual, and neither was her son (the King considered it best that his heir after Edward be given a household of his own, something that she had not agreed but knew it was necessary. She was aware of his important for the Wittelsbach and the Tudor Dynasty. The importance of being given a household could only mean her father was considering him for the line of succession, something that should please her but instead it only worried her for there were the Seymours and others to consider that were now closer to her son than she, his own mother! She thought distressed).

She pulled all the unnerving thoughts from her mind as she went to greet His Excellency.

Chapuys looked at Fleming.

Fleming knew well that look, he and Susan looked at each other and left Mary and Eustace alone.

"Any news from the Emperor?" She asked nonchalantly.

Eustace did not nod but his eyes confirmed it as he looked away.

That could only mean her cousin has stopped to consider the consequences and or benefits of her marriage and her offspring. If she did not know any better from her last talk with Susan, Mary of Hungary probably had a part to play in all of this.

Deciding that this was not the best place to discuss these matters, that and also her mind reminded her that the walls of her Household could have ears –considering that half of her servants had been replaced by Philip's own choice- she looked up to the Ambassador again and said:

"Would you like to go for a stroll Excellency?"

"I would like that very much" He responded.

The former Princess was very wise to decide to carry on their conversation in the Gardens where no one would look after them and could report back to her husband or worse, the King who was known lately for his excessive paranoia.

"You like this?" He suddenly asked, as he clutched his cane tighter. He realized they were now very far from the all seeing eyes of the servants (potential spies –came to his mind) of Hunsdon.

They had been walking for who knows how long now, and he had felt the gout in his pain surprisingly ease as they got closer to nature. England had its charms when there was none of the insufferable people he hated around.

Mary nodded. His question seemed out of place but she answered it anyway.

"Yes it brings me tranquility. Whenever I feel the world is eating me up I always come here, sometimes even to pray. Do you think that is odd?" She asked after seeing that confusion glance he gave her.

"Not at all Your Grace. If only I could have a place like that … I would be most fortunate"

He cut his sentence as a wave of pain crossed him.

Mary noticed it "Excellency" she said quickly coming to his side.

Chapuys threw a hand in the air shaking his head, and looking back up at her with a reassuring gaze. "It is fine. Really I am fine"

"You are sure?"

"Please Your Grace let us continue" He insisted, his voice very hard as his eyes pleading her to let the matter of his leg drop.

His plea was granted. She did her best not to take notice of the pain in his leg infected with gout but it was too difficult, and Chapuys noticed. Poor of his Princess, he thought, always selfless and still naïve at times, she always thinks of others before herself. That was what always worried him of her, and finally he decided he would voice these worries seeing that when they touched on the subject of her son and his importance to the Emperor.

Her gaze had shifted, there was no longer any neutrality visible, it had been replaced with dismay when he had said that the Emperor influenced (she thought) no doubt by Mary of Hungary had advised that she could work with Bishop Gardiner or others close to her father of their faith who could influence her son Philip in their faith so he would not be all Protestant as was Cranmer and her husband's intention.

"May I ask you something?" Chapuys suddenly asked after a minute of silence, that for her seemed to be an eternity, passed between them.

Mary saw no reason why he should not ask. In fact he always spoke out of turn when with her, it had already seemed natural that he never asked like any other commoner in his position would to a Royal like her, even a bastard one.

"Sure Excellency you don't have to ask"

He smirked. He wondered why any other man or him for that matter when he had first met her at Hatfield, could ever have felt intimidated by that naïve look. Maybe back then she had been more strong, there had been more of the fighter he had come to love about her –and- always admired. Now that fighter side of her seemed to be gone, something that he was not willing to accept.

It was time to bring that side of hers back.

"Do you think that you worry too much about what others Your Grace think of you because …" He stopped looking for a moment for any reaction, he saw none yet, though her eyes glazed with something akin of dismay, and her eyebrows rising up slowly already guessing what he would ask next.

"because what?" She asked not liking his sudden change of topic.

"Because you want to be loved or feel like you are more than important. Is that why you focus so much on how you look, walk, and in your knowledge because you feel it is the only way you can beat others?"

Mary's eyebrows rose up immediately after he finished his question.

"How dare you! You are just a commoner"

She was cut off rashly by him.

"A commoner you have always followed advise until you married that Duke …"

She was not going to have her insult her and then her husband, her new House why she ought to … but her wish to see him burning in flame never came as she realized he was still talking and his words as cutting edge as they were, were sadly all true.

"You really thought that you could have taught your son, if you have more yourself? None milady could have been that naïve, you have been through so much and yet you still believed you could be loved and obeyed as he was your subject because of you were of higher lineage than him?"

Nothing, no answer.

"In marriage it matters little who has higher blood or standing, you better than anyone should know that, just look at your parents milady!"

"I am not going to hear anymore of this!" She said angry that he was bringing her parents back again, she turned halfway through his speech as he ignored her words and kept shouting:

"… what will you do when you realize that all you are for him and your father is a bearer of children and nothing else?"

She shook her head, she stopped her tracks and turned back to him walking in his direction very fast, she didn't know how with this heartache that she was feeling.

"Stop it! Stop it!"

"Milady you better than anyone knew, you were warned, but it was your fear of being alone …"

"No! No!" She said to him, finally she collapsed and despite the pain in his leg, Chapuys threw his cane and caught her. It hurt him terrible to kneel with her, but he did so anyways not standing to see the tears in her face.

Her soul she felt became weak, and the more he tried to comfort her the more she backed away and so did her hope and her endurance.

As she kept sobbing and her salty tears touched her lips, Eustace decided he could not wait any longer it hurt him more than it did her, to see her like this, so vulnerable ...

Broken.

"My lady …" He began but he was cut of by her sobs that tore his heart each time when he heard them.

She had always been strong... she had cried before, never in anyone's presence but him, but she had always regained her composure, the jovial presence for which her mother that had naturally been passed on by her, was known for at Court. The Heretics, evil as they may be to her had respect for her because of her strength and her resourcefulness to always get past her father's strict laws and Cromwell's hawkish eye.

She had cried harder as he tried to touch her, she backed away and staring at him, more like glaring -he thought, with nothing more than pure hatred, she regained her voice and with pure disdain she said to him:

"You like seeing me like this."

He shook his head, how could she think that after all he had done for her? "No milady no it doesn't" He protested

In spite of her protests thrown at him, her eyes now pleading him to back away, she never fought against his strong arms that were holding her or giving her the warm comfort she had desperately needed.

Time passed, soon the stars were visible in the sky. Time for them however passed quickly, Mary had nearly fallen asleep in his arms, he kept rocking her like a newborn baby.

She felt very silly being this vulnerable especially in HIS presence.

However as she turned to look up at him did she notice a new look on his eyes.

No, it was not indifference, nor it was confusion or the confident look that always accompanied his reassuring smile … it was different.

Unaware she was bringing her lips closer to his, Eustace's own body acted on its own voalition and he leaned forward.

The kiss was not tender, careful like it had been on her wedding night with Philip nor passionless. It was much more than that …

* * *

**A/N: I am going to let this talk on its own, and just a reminder I want those REVIEWS!**

**REVIEW EACH CHAPTER.**

**Also I have seen lately a lot of authors feeling less and more down because they think that all the pairings that go on around here are Henry and Anne, and while this is true I think that this should not stop authors from making their own pairings, if they feel they are being downplayed or bully don't feel that way, I will have you know there is a lot of people here that support you, Fan Fiction has a lot of open minded authors.**

**I love HENRY/ANNE. Anne Boleyn is my SECOND favorite wife after KOA, I love and respect her, however I think that we can all love Henry and Anne and respect other pairings as well, and even vice verse. We are not all professional writers or historians yet (in my case I hope when I graduate in two years and RETIRE permanently from fan fiction I might continue my education to become one). Everyone of us here whether we like it or not write AU, everything that is written here is AU, so lets take this lightly.  
**

**Sorry but I had to say it.**

**~Carolina**


	18. Into the land of Morpheus

_**A/N: Thanks for those who have reviewed, I urge keep reviewing a lot of surprises stored in this one I will write it while I keep begging more muses to come with me and stay with me!**_

_**Also sorry for the short chapter but this chapter has a lot of tension and surprises, and next chapter if I receive enough reviews by tomorrow will be updated 2pm tomorrow with a lot of surprises in store for everyone!  
**_

**_~Carolina_**

* * *

_"Fear is the most powerful weapon in the world. H P Lovecraft acknowledged this and it is the reason why his books focus more on the fear we have for the unknown, be those monsters or ourselves. Unlike love, fear never dies, it stays with us, when you think it is gone, it stays hidden deep within our hearts waiting for the right time when it takes hold of our minds leaving us blinded and deaf._

_If I were to chose between love and fear, or death and life I would chose fear and death. For in death there is peace and you see all your fears finally being gone, and if you are alive chose fear over love, for love is a path that is not painless, it is a path that cheats you and leaves you more than blind and deaf, it leaves you soulless once love is gone ... it does not last, it always goes away"_**~Everyone goes away by Anonymous  
**

* * *

**Hundson**

**Tudor-Wittelsbach Household**

Back at Hunsdon in her mistress' chambers, Susan was sitting on a sofa worried. It was night and Mary was not yet back, and neither was the Imperial Ambassador.

Four hours and yet nothing. The night was against them. Their stroll should not have taken more than an hour, but the night sky had hit them pretty quickly.

Unknown to Susan who was more worried about what this could mean for her Mistress if word got out to her husband, far from where they could hear the gossip and feel Susan's heavy gaze, Eustace still had Mary on her arms, their kiss becoming ever more so enthralled into their burning passion that had finally been unleashed.

After years of repression, their feelings had finally unveiled themselves. As the kiss deepened Chapuys brought his hands to her waist pulling her closer to him.

It was a battle of the tongues that went on until it was the back of Chapuys' reason that told him to Stop, stop now before it was too late.

His hand up until that moment had not moved, until she had grant his tongue entrance into hers. His hand had moved now to her breast making her moan as pleasure kept manifesting itself along with the fixedness of the fascinated discovery that she experienced of having his lips travel all the way to her neck.

Her lips were soft and he was gentle taking it slow since the beginning of their kiss, but eventually all good things in Mary's life had to come to an end as he let her go.

"Ah-I-I" he did not know what to say, struggling to connect his brain with his mouth, he stood up and quickly bowed before her going for his cane and began to walk away not bothering to look behind him at her stunned and rejected figure.

Mary was shocked to see him like this.

What had just happened?

Had he felt so repulsed by their kiss? Was she that disgusting to him?

No, why could he not just tell her?

Tell it to her face, she mentally roared instead of just backing away. Why was it that just when she had experienced an ounce of freedom at his touch, a release of repression and the oppression she had experienced at Hunsdon all these months after her son's birth -did he have to crush her dreams? Why did he have to have the needle to burst her illusion? Was she not a woman, a human being who deserved to feel loved and wanted?

She wanted to lift herself up and run after him, ask him why was he pulling away from her, why not even a good bye or a gentle apology if he had felt he had violated her in some way -in which she would reply that was not the case- instead why chose to leave her there abandoned like her father and her husband?

Was he hat forlorn, so controlled by his masters that he could not look at her the same way before he left for Antwerp?

What had changed in his stance there? Since he had left he had barely mentioned her, she was barely there in his letters she was sure of it, it was like a huge hole had been punched through her chest and she felt hollow inside as his figure got little and more little making him unreachable as she stretched her hand pleadingly, mentally yelling "Eustace!"

* * *

(Eustace POV)

Why did you have to kiss her? Why did you have to kiss her? Why?

I don't know, I don't know, honestly I don't anymore what the hell I was doing.

All I could feel when she pulled her lips to mine and I later joined her effort to lock ourselves in a passionate kiss, was her touch, her breath, her rose red perfume. I knew that perfume, that scent very well. It was the same perfume she always wore in my presence.

Her presence itself was intoxicating, if she only knew what she was doing to me.

No other woman had done this to me, no one other, not even the first for whom I had given up my Holy Orders.

I was supposed to be a Bishop, but fate decided to give the post to someone else when I contested for it in Geneva, I was supposed to be an Ambassador, I was supposed to give her advise, but Mary of Hungary and my master they were always there between us, especially Mary of Hungary.

Ironic since she was the one who said supported most of the Princess' plight, but she never thought that I cared or was doing enough to help her. I told her many times that there was only so much I could do for the Princess, after all I was an IMPERIAL Ambassador, I had to respond to the Emperor not to the Princess, that lousy English King or Mary of Hungary, be that she was powerful among Charles' courts.

What could I have done to prevent the Princess from making the mistake of her life, marrying that ... imbecile -I think in outrage!

You could have done more, you could have stayed and resisted your masters (both of them Mary and Charles) advise.

Advise? I bark back at my mind as I find myself now inside the carriage, Fleming looking at me from outside the manor. He has just come out from it, with a questioning look. I don't say anything and I don't want him to start. All I want is to go away, and get far from this place as possible.

I tell the driver, more like yell actually, to drive. None of them, including Fleming ask me why (a relief thank God since that man asks everything!).

The country side of Hunsdon becomes more distant as the carriage speeds off. I don't look to the window anymore when I hear Fleming's nonchalant voice say "I don't see Hunsdon anymore" There is more to his words and looks that meets the eye. I know he is actually asking what has just happened by the way he looks at me with his eyebrows arched, one eyebrow slowly raising as his eyes were looking directly into mine.

I look away, what do I have to explain to a servant anyways?

The Kiss.

That Kiss ... I cannot help but feel the touch of her lips still one mine, and her tongue inside me, her breasts rising up when I touched them and her moans calling my name, my first name ... _Eustace..._

_

* * *

_

**Hunsdon**

Mary walked back her head lowered as tears streamed down her face reaching her neck, the same spot where he had ... kissed and felt his teeth and tongue made her hiss in pain as her salty tears touched that spot.

She had felt foolish, so foolish now.

_I have finally lost it_ she said to herself. _All these years I have finally lost it._

When she got back she avoided the questioning looks of her servants, many, she had already identified whom, she knew were Cranmer's spies. Philip did not have the courage nor the guts to spy on her, he was noble and too good for that. Cranmer on the other hand ... she mentally snorted.

He had been Boleyn's chaplain, no doubt what he had seen there had made the naive little Heretic very cunning. Hever was different, she told herself, now it was under her husband's administration. But, she argued with her conscience. How can it be any different when that blasted Heretic keeps hanging there whenever he can thanks to my husband that never fails to greet him!

Philip was very noble, sometimes too noble for their own good. He thought everyone deserved a second chance. He did not see the real nature of humans like she and ... Eustace did.

Eustace ...

Unaware that the name had escaped from her lips when he had made contact with her skin on the right side of her neck, remembering this now she ran to her rooms ignoring Jane Dormer and her other ladies calling after her.

She locked herself in her room, she thought she would find solace her to cry and let her emotions be released but much to Mary's disappointment the room had not been deserted as she suspected.

Inside was Susan looking at her with a dangerous glance that assailed her.

There was a vision as Susan pierced into her soul as they locked eyes with each other, dark gray against her dark green, that allowed her to see what had happened. There was nothing more that she needed to ask as a gust of wind came to the room from one of the open windows in the bed chamber and removed a piece of Mary's hair covering the right side of her neck where HE had touched her.

Susan gasped, her eyes going wide.

Before she could speak and demand an explanation from her friend, Mary held a hand up and ran to Susan's side, her legs on their own volition carrying her as she spoke hurriedly, "Nothing happened, we only spoke I don't know what happened next, I was very upset for what he said and then ... then we ... it did not go past this trust me Susan it did not go that far, Eustace pulled quickly and -"

Susan was not stopped, her shock still visible however it shifted to horror when she saw how Mary's eyes lit up at the mention of the Imperial Ambasador.

Eustace, she had called him by his first name. Eustace! Susan thought horrified if word got out or if the walls ears were alert and heard her friend speak in this manner.

She grabbed Mary's arm "What did you say?"

Mary's eyes were narrowed and her eyebrows knitted in confusion "I said His Excellency and I-"

She was cut off once more by Susan.

"No" Susan shook her head. "I heard you right you called him on first name basis"

"So what if I did? He and I have known each other for so long and besides" she turned away from Susan and pulled away from her grasp going to her bed and lying down. "What do I need to tell you about this? This is something personal!" She emphasized the word personal as she looked met Susan's confused gaze.

"Mary what are you talking about? Do you have any idea if word gets out, or if your husband would have been here? You were lucky he is at Hever right now"

"Oh let him be at Hever! He is probably with my son there, he is always there now" her voice faded as she stared off into space.

"Mary! Mary!" Susan called but Mary kept her gaze up at the ceiling staring off into space ignoring Susan all the way.

"Ugh" Susan threw her hands in the air, she had never felt this helpless she felt she was talking to a rock. No, even a rock had more sense than Mary Tudor Tratasmara!

"Have it your way. Don't come running and crying to me when he sees you" Mary said nothing aware whom she meant by "he". She heard Susan heavy footsteps departing from her room and closing the door with a loud bang. She didn't bother to call Susan and ask her if she could please lock it, she knew her best friend and lady would do so.

* * *

_"One of the things that I have learned through time is that love can often be confused for pride and obsession. True love as Socrates would say is neither beautiful nor ugly, but instead pure love endures all obstacles" ~_**Anonymous on Plato's Symposium**_

* * *

_

**Hever Castle**

**Lord Philip The Younger's Household  
**

Meanwhile in Hever there was Philip enjoying what little time he could with his son Lord Philip. This little boy had become his life, his joy. He was a crowned jewel. He was HIS jewel, not Mary's or Henry's but his.

This boy would take after Bavaria and who knows if God wills it as his beautiful wife would say, one day he would unite the Palatinate, Bavaria and England forging a greater Empire in the same way the General Aeneas had done through his offspring.

His son giggled as he saw his father made a strange face. His eye brows quirked and then he let his tongue slip from his mouth as he made a mocking gesture to his son making him laugh even harder.

"You find that funny, someday you will make others laugh yourself. You are going to make a lot of people happy my son" Philip said as he began to rock the small babe in his arms. Few people in England appreciated songs on Latin or Greek, or any language other than their own for that matter. It was something he and his dear cousin, dear and sweet Anne would often discuss.

Poor Anne -he thought. She had been sweet and her voice it was like symphony of tears hidden behind that great smile of hers. She could always make every day feel like a merry Sunday. Mary knew her death had changed him, and it did. He would never forget her screams of childbirth every day when he went to sleep. People thought him and Mary had the perfect life, the perfect marriage that they would be perfect parents.

Mary had always had the stigma of being called the rebellious daughter, the disobedient, imprudent child, this was her chance she probably felt to rectify all her past mistakes and offenses done to her father, but whenever he brought the subject of their child's education and their future visits to Hever she always turned away, tilted her head walked to her window and with quiet, barely audible voice she would say _"And why should I?"_

The woman he had married had become completely unrecognizable from the young and kind, sweet woman he had fallen in love with, the woman whom Anne had come to admire and drew her strength from as well.

As if sensing something wrong, young Philip began to wail, Philip turned down to his son. He had not noticed how deep in thought he had been that he had now been the cause for his son's wailing.

"Shh calm down" he said in his native tongue. Young Philip often proved for him very hard to calm down. He yelled for his mama, his first words were mama. A very bright child who could already speak and not even a year old!

How could he explain to him if Mary's cold behavior continued, that his mother did not want to come? What excuse would he give the small child when he began to use reason? That his mother hated all heretics, that she would hate him because he was one?

No, he would make an effort to have Mary understand that she could not keep opposing the whole world just because she saw an enemy in every so called 'heretic'.

She had married her, she had made a vow to him, to honor, to serve and to obey. She better than anyone knew how fast the weather could change in England, how fast her father could be displeased if his young wife were to speak against her. And then there was another thing that worried Philip -the Imperial Ambassador. He didn't like to have Mary spend too much time to him, and that she wasn't reporting any of her conversations with that man to him, her husband the man she had a responsibility to be filial with not to Chapuys or her old principles.

As he sighed his son he realized had closed his eyes and turned his head to the opposite direction of his father, falling asleep.

Phillip returned his son back to his silver cradle where he let his son rest in the land of Morpheus.

* * *

**From VXLP:**

**Fact vs Fiction: Hever Castle was given to AOC after the divorce settlement. In this AU I have had AOC inherit this property when she fell pregnant as an assurance that her pregnancy would result in another male child, as we know this was not so.  
So instead, I had that property be given to Lord Philip the Younger because he begot a son, a male heir from Mary, a grandson healthy and strong unlike Edward for Henry, for England and for Bavaria. As you might have guessed Mary is not "femme sole" (a woman who could own no matter what, even if married, on her own a certain state or title) this is her son's household and his property.**

**So now that we have that cleared.**

**REVIEW!  
**


	19. New paths are forged

_**A/N: Thanks for everyone who has reviewed you are awesome guys as promised even earlier a chapter of AW!**_

_**Don't forget at the end of **_**each_ chapter: REVIEW!_**

_**I really RECOMMEND you hear to this song while you read this chapter it is necessary for us to feel everything the characters are going through that I have worked hard to put their conflicts and their victories in this chapter.  
**_

**_~Carolina_**

* * *

_"Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking_  
_When you fall everyone sins_  
_Another day and you've had your fill of sinking_  
_With the life held in your_  
_Hands are shaking cold_  
_These hands are meant to hold_

_Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong_  
_Move along, move along like I know you do_  
_And even when your hope is gone_  
_Move along, move along just to make it through_  
_Move along_  
_Move along_

_So a day when you've lost yourself completely_  
_Could be a night when your life ends_  
_Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving_  
_All the pain held in your_  
_Hands are shaking cold_  
_Your hands are mine to hold_

_Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong_  
_Move along, move along like I know you do_  
_And even when your hope is gone_  
_Move along, move along just to make it through_  
_Move along_  
_(Go on, go on, go on, go on)_

_When everything is wrong we move along_  
_(Go on, go on, go on, go on)_  
_When everything is wrong, we move along_  
_Along, along, along_

_When all you got to keep is strong_  
_Move along, move along like I know you do_  
_And even when your hope is gone_  
_Move along, move along just to make it through_

_(Move along)_  
_(Go on, go on, go on, go on)_  
_Right back what is wrong_  
_We move along"_**~Move along by All American Rejects  
**

* * *

**1541, December 21st  
**

**Yuletide Celebrations**

**Hampton Court Palace:**

I myself after Susan retired to her own chambers, went to my own chambers with my son in my arms and my husband next to me. Philip said that I should let our son walk on his own, but I as not so sure of it. Philip was still too young for that, he was not even a year old yet, why put so much pressure on a little boy who is barely talking now?

His first words it pained her that she was not there to hear them when he called for his "mama".

Philip had said that she would have been very proud to hear him speak, to repeat like a parrot everything in very well articulated words, not even a fault or an accent that most babies possessed. His son, he had said emphasizing the noun "His", would make them all very proud.

Just who would he make proud? Himself or the father who clings to the heir (should Kitty fail to produce another son for my father) of England and Bavaria and many other German states? Mary thinks as she watches her son being taken by his nurse maid Elsa de Goya.

Her name was not what she appeared to be, a loyal English maid, Catholic and good servant of Christ. She was as Mary had discovered a month ago -Jewish, one of those who had converted, what her mother used to call conversas.

Her mother who was as pious as a good Christian woman, wife and servant of our Lord Jesus Christ must be to fulfill a good life that God means for all of us, be that woman or man, had always told her daughter to be wary of false prophets and Christians.

_"They will deceive you hija [1] and they will pretend to be your servants, some even your friends, but never ... never mi querida hija [2] must you trust them"_

Those were her mother's wise words, but there comes a time to all of us, Mary acknowledges when she found out about Elsa's true parentage that we must accept that our parents are not Gods, they are humans as all of us and prone to make mistakes, including the wrong judgment on those their human peers.

Elsa might be a Jew still at heart, but in practice she was a Good Christian and practiced all of our Lord's teachings, that was enough for Mary and if that was enough for Mary then it was more than enough for Philip and the rest of **their** household.

"Mistress de Goya" Philip said addressing _his_ son's chief nursemaid by her real name. "I trust my son will be handled well in your care"

Elsa did not reply what she wanted to say for decades to now to men of his _poor_ breed. She abstained from it and instead lowered her head in respect to her Mistress' husband. "Of course Your Grace" she said and moved away as the Master dismissed her.

Carrying the infant in her hands, Philip the Younger feeling safe in his nursemaid's arms, disappeared from Mary's sight as Elsa and the others headed to the nursery that much to Mary's displeasure and not to Philip's was located next to the Queen's chambers.

Philip smiled as the door behind them closed. They had all these big rooms just to themselves, finally he thought.

"What are you smiling about?" She asked giving Philip a quick grin that disappeared as heavy knocking made them turned into the door's direction.

Who could it be at this time -went in both their minds.

Soon the riddle was solved as Philip opened the door to reveal the Queen Consort Katherine Howard and three of her closest maids, Joan Bulmer, Katherine Ferguson and Jane ... Mary could not remember. Kitty had so many ladies in waiting that she couldn't keep up with names or the silly nicknames they gave to each other.

This "young _lady" ... this fool_ she thought looking at her with disdain as Philip greeted her and gave her nothing but praises that Katherine later returned to him as in the sweetest voice she asked for her husband if she could have a moment alone with his wife.

Please say no, please say no, she mentally begged however Philip did all the contrary, bowing once more in front of the Queen, she extending her hand for him to kiss her, mainly she lifted her index finger where the ring that had adorned many Queens before, three of them the greatest women Mary had met, which included her mother, the true Queen of England anointed by a true servant of Church, Katherine of Aragon. Philip kissed it, watching in astonishment as the Queen's eyes sparkled, the sunlight that escaped from one of the open windows illuminating her perfect forehead making her appear more godly.

A true Queen, Philip thought. God may bless her for a Duke of York, otherwise it would be his son the greatest King England and Bavaria would have forming a greater Empire than any other who stood before him.

"Milady" he turned to Mary "Your Highness" he said later turning later to Kitty as he headed for the door "I leave you two ladies alone. God bless -he said lastly giving the Queen and then his wife a dashing smile. He had been so enthralled by the special effects of the sun shining on the Queen's forehead that he had failed to notice his wife's cold stare at the Queen.

Kitty huffed after hearing the door closed.

"Your Grace" She said to Mary.

"Your Highness" Mary said in the same evenness as Kitty.

It was time, Kitty felt for her to break the ice for this spoiled princess. She was tired of the Princess recoiling at her presence, failing to show her the proper respect that she received from every other subject, including her stepdaughter's husband, the dashing Philip of the Bavaria.

Why was it that this Princess, this Duchess now could not acknowledge her or call her by her proper title? All she heard from this little woman was Madame or milady, never Your Majesty or show her the same respect, bowing to greet her, kissing the royal ring in her finger that Henry had given her like the rest of her noble peers!

Maybe if Anne of Cleves would still be amongst the living, young and frivolous Kitty Howard would have learned a lot, far more then what she was learning from her mindless ladies and that opportunist Jane Rochford whom I was sure the only reason why she was chief of her ladies in waiting was to keep check on the young Queen who in her opinion was nothing more than a ordinary girl whose only purpose in life was to please, please and please.

"Why is it that everyone here shows me respect minus you. Your husband has been most gracious with me and your father, I have even shown your kindness, given your son rooms in the Royal nursery next to my chambers ..."

She heard her, her voice sounding nothing more but a quack.

Quack, quack and more quacks escaped from her mouth, yet Mary kept her steady gaze never loosing sight of her.

She wondered what any man could have seen in somebody so shallow as Kitty Howard?

When Kitty finally stopped waiting for an answer to come from her rebellious stepdaughter, hoping that her reprimand would scare her away or make her feel like she was cornered, she became disappointed.

"Excuse me but I give every noble and honorable lady every ounce of respect she deserves for honor demands nothing but respect" She said quoting from the classics, something Kitty no doubt did not know.

Kitty's eyebrows twitched.

"Are you implying that I am not worthy of respect?" She inquired crossly.

"I am implying nothing Madame-"

She was cut off by Kitty's squealing duck like voice.

"Oh no you don't" she said in dismay, raising her voice higher than before.

Just who was this woman to raise her voice at somebody like her, a woman who was so much above her? A woman daughter of Kings and Queens, whose Royal lineage should have made her bow before her not the other way around. Why Kitty now looked more ordinary than ever raising her voice like she was a common wench.

Nothing better, her inner voice said as she snorted inwardly at Kitty's last words, to expect from Anne Boleyn's cousin!

Kitty standing with her three mindless maids behind her, was waiting for an answer and the more Mary took her time to answer, the more desperate Kitty grew. She took a step forward and her golden crown, the same Mary recognized that Anne had used many times in her father's banquets when she had pretended to be his "wife", made her figure taller than the Princess.

This was Kitty's defense mechanism, her overpowering figure was nothing more than a mask like all the dances or festivals she organized or was part of.

Mary could see through her. She might carry herself with the same grace that her cousin did to deceive others from her true nature but she could see right through her hollow eyes. In the end she was nothing more than a chameleon.

"Well?" Kitty called her voice higher, if that was even possible that she could make her squealing more annoying.

"I have nothing to say Madame-"

"Queen of England" cut Kitty Howard reminding Mary that she was much above her in status and in affection now.

Mary could not believe that she was having this girl overpower her, and that she had to stand her ladies' awful snickering as they covered their mouth to hide them.

"I have nothing to say Madame, for I show respect to those who deserve it and never fail to please our Lord the King of England" Mary said at last revealing her true sentiments for the so called Queen of England.

She would remind herself later to pray twelve Hail Marys. It was never her intention to refer to her father as a magnanimous figure, for he was not he was just a man, nothing more and he was not above canon law or God, that was only for the Vicar of Christ, the true Pope in Rome to decide.

Kitty gasped as did her other maids.

The Queen of England having been reduced to yelling, even begging for an answer. This was an outrage! So unfair, Kitty thoguht.

"Are you saying I don't please?"

"You do please" Mary said nonchalantly. "In fact" she cleared her throat letting herself be carried away by her anger towards this young girl. "In fact all you do is please, your whole purpose Madame it seems is nothing more than to please and please, that is not the behavior a Queen of England" a proper one she wanted to say, "adopts"

Kitty threw her a smug look, stomping her foot on the ground feeling more insulted now by her eldest stepdaughter. Mary saw this as a poor display of her impetuous behavior.

"Hmmph" Kitty said. "If I do nothing but please and please then why did His Majesty marry me then?"

My God, Mary thought saying the Lord's name in vain. Is she really that naive?

"Isn't it obvious?" She said icily her eyes traveling to the Queen's stomach "The King of England needs a male heir, and for what I see you are not pregnant yet. A lady behaves in her best behavior for she is not lying with just any man but with the King of England whose flesh is sacred and so is hers for she is above any woman, no matter how below her bloodline truly is"

She had hit a nerve there.

She would have stopped there, if His Excellency or any other, including her husband were in her position would have stopped by now if not before.

Mary just had to keep on going, hoping that this poor creature could finally see the light of reason.

"A Queen does not dance merrily why the King suffers, she knows better"

As my gaze shifted back to her face which was now stricken with shock and her eyes were in dismay as she brought a hand to her non-swollen abdomen Mary realized she had hit more than one or two nerves, she had hit her right where she wanted, in her pride.

Kitty let her hand dropped and looked back up at her.

"What about you?" she suddenly asks Mary, her eyes holding nothing more than a sly twinkle as the venom that would later pour from her voice.

"What about me?" Mary sounding nonchalant as when their "conversation" started.

"I think you are jealous aren't you?" she asked, though Mary knew it was more than a question, it was a statement.

Mary did not answer.

She did not have to as Kitty ever feeling more triumphant now walked one step forward, now just an inch closer Mary could feel her intoxicating perfume, yet Mary did not cringe or back away.

"You are jealous because you used to be the center of her father's attention, because you used to have a Household of your own and now that all your freedom is gone, so is your father's affection"

Mary did not respond. Kitty -voila she thought- had hit a tender spot there in the Princess' heart.

Victory now more evident in her eyes she continued "I have your father, your husband, your sister and your son-"

"No!" Mary suddenly spoke loosing all patience when the twit mentioned her son.

She will never have my son, she thought. "You will never have him!"

"I don't need to" Katherine said as it was the most obvious thing in the world to Mary. "Now that he is moved next room to mine, having a son or not, he will become our son, England's son and you will do nothing about it."

Mary breathed hard, suppressing the urge to shout more at her, from the bottom of her heart it became harder to do so as she saw Kitty look behind her, her maids laughing once more (this time more discreet though the dirty blond who could easily pass if she was not too short as Kitty's double, Joan Bulmer, covered her mouth not able to hide her mocking of Mary) all later covering their mouths as their Mistress laughed lightly, her venomous glare feeling now heavier at Mary.

Kitty looked now like the cat who had just ate the pigeon.

Mary never felt more humiliated in her life. How dare those maids laugh at her, and how dare that mindless twit encourage them! Who did she think she was? She thought feeling more indignant.

"Perhaps I won't need to tell His Majesty to let me and your husband be in charge of his education, I am sure Cranmer will do a fantastic job after all he is your husband's choice" She said more venom spitting from her thin lips.

She and her ladies looked at each other and turned to leave, as Mary watched them leave, her fists tightened and she released her emotions of anger and hatred for her father's wife.

"How dare you?" She said protesting. "How dare you speak to me like that!"

Kitty turned to her stepdaughter and walked to her. "I dare because I can, and I can do something else too" She said her venom returning as a clever idea passed through her head. "I can remove as punishment for now showing His Majesty's wife respect, two of your maids"

Mary finally showed emotion, her eyebrows rose as her eyes went wide in surprise.

No, she cannot do that. But she could, and Kitty knew that victory was finally achieved.

"I think that will be all, have a nice day ... Lady Mary" she said in mock sweetness leaving her title aside and calling her by her formal title of bastard of the King.

There was nothing she could but recoil in anger after the Queen and her mindless ladies left her room.

* * *

Philip entered their rooms moments later after he had been with their son, later being accompanied by a cheerful Kitty Howard in the Royal Nursery.

"You should go I will stay with our German Prince" Kitty had said in the sweetest tone yet, convincing him that his son would be safe and sound with his loving stepmother.

Philip had not been aware nor he was expected to as Susan followed him, throwing a dirty glance at Kitty's favorite maid, Joan Bulmer. If God, if there was one, never made mistakes then why oh Lord she asked, did you create that moron Joan Bulmer? She was the worst choice for a Queen of England to have amongst her closest ladies. Not only she was stupid, she was useless. She was not pretty, she didn't even posses the looks to attract another man or serve as a mistress for her Queen to use in case her husband were to tire of her in times of pregnancy. The Queen of England was surrounded by nothing but mindless twists, all skin and bones, mindless ladies.

Susan was not surprised when she and Philip entered her friend's chambers, Philip the only one of the three gasping, astonished to see his wife throw the bible at their bed's direction.

"What in the blazes -Philip began but was stopped by Mary who had not taken notice of his presence until she heard his gasp.

"I am forced to have two of my maids dismissed!" She said. "It is not fair!" She whined unpacking from her closet a large suitcase.

"Mary what do you think you are doing?" Philip asked. She could not seriously be considering leaving in the middle of the winter celebrations or Yuletide ... whatever they were called, that would seriously cause his father to be displeased with her, and with him as well as he was responsible for her as she was now part of his family.

"Think this through sweetheart what did you say?" He asked going to her and putting both his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm his wife down.

"Shh ... please tell me what she said, please Mary tell me" he urged.

"She said that she would permanently retire two of my maids ... apparently" she said choked with anger as she recalled her words. "I am not treating her with enough respect" she said furiously snagging away from Philip and going back to her closet where she began to pull much of her wardrobe and began throwing it into the suitcase not even bothering to check what was she was taking to her to Hunsdon.

"Mary I am sure that if you were to talk to her, she can be reasonable ..."

Mary looked at him as if he was barking mad.

"Me conciliate is that what you want me to do? Who do you think she is to give me those orders, I am the King of England's daughter, I am Katherine of Aragon's daughter, I am granddaughter of the Great Catholic Kings ..."

Philip sighed his patience beginning to wear as his wife went on preaching about her "Royal" lineage.

Finally when she finished he said, not raising his voice, but the discontent in making the Queen of England unhappy with her evident. "She is the Queen of England Mary, imagine if she were to tell your father, what this could mean for you, for me ... for us and for our son"

Mary looked away.

"I will not apologize if that is what you are suggesting"

Philip's hand went straight into his temple "Mary you are impossible, you realize she has your father wrapped around her finger, what she can do is-"

He was cut off by Mary "She has also wrapped you very well around her finger" she mentioned crossly.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"She has wrapped everyone, everyone who respected me, just when I was having my father's respect even if it was only because of a son, now she has you to" she went on, "having praising her of course why wouldn't she be returning the favor, being our son's Godmother, deciding what clothes he will wear, whom he will be taught her. Honestly Philip I thought you would be the man for that!"

"Just wait a second there and stop, I am not wrapped under her spell"

"Then why do you praise her like she is Venus reborn then?" She inquired throwing another crossing glance at him.

"Because Mary" he answered "I know she is the fucking Queen of England, what she does reflects your father's attitudes and the Country's and I don't know about you _honey_ but I don't think it is smart to have the Queen of England who controls your father better than he has ever done so himself or Cromwell for that matter, mad at us, starting by you. His favor is very quick to fade, one day we could be raised higher than everyone at Court, the next we can fall just like the Boleyns."

How dare he compare them to the Boleyns, those snakes!

Knowing exactly what she thought he went on further, "If you want to conciliate with your father Mary start by acting civil to her, if you don't do it for my sake since you care so little about that now, unless do it for your son, show him you are a mother" He finished leaving her alone with only Susan as he slammed the door.

She did not need to ask herself where could he go? To their son no doubt. Now it was her son who was the center of everyone's attention, including Philip's. Mary had been replaced by a baby, she had been replaced by her own son!

* * *

_"An old Chinese proverb that says that when a woman is born she is subject to her father, when she marries she is subject to her husband, and when she becomes a widow she is subject to her eldest son. No truer words were spoken." _~**World Women under Iron rule by Anonymous**

* * *

Eustace did not want to cross the Princess' chambers. They had not spoken to each other since ... IT had happened. But for some reason he had felt a need to pass through that corridor that -he told himself- was the quickest way to reach his chambers.

There was another reason, one Eustace would never admit to himself, but today at Court when he had watched everyone, and much to his chagrin Marillac there as well very close to the Queen and the Courts' most influential, he had missed sight of the Princess. She was nowhere to be seen.

Her husband was there, even some of her ladies, including her son's nursemaid, Mistress Elsa carrying Lord Philip the Younger in her arms, but nowhere was his lady found.

Jane had eyed him very strangely, he wanted to ask her what was going on, why the Princess and her best lady in waiting, Lady Susan, were not there next to her son. But as clutched his cane heading for her direction Philip turned to look at Eustace, his look bearing nothing but disdain and contempt at him. He snorted inwardly at this boy, if he thought that could scare him clearly he was still very inexperienced. It would take more than a cowardly cat's weak stare to drive him away. Nonetheless not wanting to cause a scene at Court, he walked another way but not before throwing Philip an icy glare.

He had bumped to Marillac before heading for his chambers. That French Excellency, a man who was lousy beyond anything Eustace could find, had laughed lightly at him before asking him about the Princess,_ "Curious isn't it that the Duchess is nowhere to be found?"_

He was no fool, he knew what Marillac was up to however he did not reveal anything of what he felt. In a court this dangerous he knew better then to show his emotions, for he could fall prey to the vultures present, including foreign ones like Marillac very easily, but he looked at Marillac smug nonetheless as he had replied, _"When leaves fall it might be that since many tress still have leaves to fall the Princess might be interest in more interesting activities, like the world around her instead of the experience of Court"_

The expression on Marillac's face was priceless, really he wanted to burst out in laughter as Marillac stood there with a stupefied look asking him the most stupid question he had ever heard anyone ask, and he had heard many! _"Do you take me for a fool?"_

Eustace ignoring the annoyance found in Marillac's tone shook his head, grinning at Marillac before leaving replying and not bothering to check for his next expression, _"No Excellency, you are what you are and I am what I am."_

It had been the greatest and more intelligent thing Eustace had done all day, to remove himself from the Court's presence and especially from Marillac's, though he would have paid a huge amount of money just to see the expression on that man's face! It must have been priceless.

The leaves of the trees, now where had he come up with that, Eustace asked himself? He should have been a comedian like the old Greek comedian and philosopher Aristophanes, his lady's favorite.

Alas life in England and in the Imperial Court was not as easy as it was in ancient times when the Greeks who were well learned were free (though with some restrictions) to parody their cities' governments. If only they could return back to the old times, excluding the old paganism, Eustace would have a field day parodying Marillac all day and best of all he would be paid for it and he would not have to battle the King, Cromwell and everyone in this bloody Court at the same time.

He paused as he realized he had reached his lady's chambers, the chamber she shared with Philip, however the only thing she could hear from those chambers were her voice filled with anger and frustration and Lady Susan's.

Surely by now Philip should be coming any moment, the man could not leave his wife all alone when she had been very distraught? Could he?

The door it was half opened, and not able to resist his curiosity, he opened it more and entered the chamber without permission.

"Milady" He called as he clutched his cane even tighter as another wave of pain hit his leg. He did not heed the warning signs knowing that this meant it would only get worse, hearing his lady's frustrations were more important than his old gout, a condition he told himself he could handle any moment. His lady's frustration he could not and he would not stand until he would find out the reason behind that frustration.

"Mary you do not need to pack everything, it is like you want to live in Hunsdon forever!" Susan said.

"If you don't want to come then I will go alone-"

"Oh come on Mary don't be very grouchy, why don't you ask permission ..."

She was cut off by Mary, "I am tired of asking for permission. I could care less now, besides my father has my son, and my husband has my son as well to keep him company, they have my son to keep everyone company including that twit!"

Susan was about to reply when she felt the presence of somebody behind her. Susan jumped in surprise to see the Imperial Ambassador, His Excellency staring at her and then looking behind her shoulder at her Mistress in confusion.

Susan shrugged wryly as she saw the look he threw on her.

What more could she say to explain for Mary's behavior?

"What is going on here?" He said not bothering to announce himself.

There was his lady with books in her hands suddenly coming to a stop as she saw His Excellency.

So now him, she thought dropping her books on the trunk.

"Madame what is wrong?"

"Haven't you heard, news travel fast. Apparently I don't treat _Her Majesty_ with enough respect so she made me retire two of my maids!" She says looking more frustrated with his presence now, and going back to her packing.

He sighed. "Madame what exactly happened?"

"Oh what does it matter" she says not looking at him as she continued her packing emptying almost all her closet.

"Madame I am sure that if you found some way to conciliate with her the maids could be placed back into your service" He began but Mary finally looking at him, fury blazing in her eyes yelled harder then she ever did before.

"I don't want to conciliate!"

She went to her vanity, just next to her closet. "Why should I?" she asked to no one in particular, now more lightly. Her head lowered, he could hear sniffling. There were tears, even if he could not see her, he knew they were there.

Susan and him shared a look, he nodded to her and Susan left the room, now his Mistress in the care of the Ambassador, she closed the door locking it so one would be able to disturb them.

"What did she say to you?" He asked right after Susan had locked the door for them.

Sniffling harder, struggling to breath as the hole in her chest that she thought had been cured with her son's presence since they ... kissed said in a low and hurt voice, "She said that I am jealous because my father and everyone have her now and that is in greater favor than me, and that my child ..." she sniffed harder "if he can recognize me because his care will never be my decision but hers and my husband ..."

She went to the bed where she sat tears finally visible.

"She should not have said that"

"But it is true" She said softly more tears escaping. "It is all true, I have been supplanted by her and now by my son"

Eustace clutched his cane, now his nails digging deep into the black wood as he felt a cool substance escape from his nails. He did not care for the physical pain he was causing himself, it was nothing compared to what she was feeling.

He walked to her taking a seat next to her on the bed she shared with her husband, the previous place where she had thrown her husband's English bible.

Never hesitating, they looked at each other and the former Princess moving closer to his side as he put an arm around her, buried her head in his chest, beginning to cry even harder.

"My sweet lady ... my poor sweet lady"

He let his cane fall as he decided to place his now free arms on her hair, running his hand through it. Her beautiful, soft, light, sometimes dark like right now in the dead of the night, brown hair. He could still smell the rose perfume she always put on it.

He did not cradle her like last time or rocked her back and forth for she was not a baby, and she was not in need of pity, but she was in need of comfort and that was what he would give, even if he had to sacrifice his health -for her he told himself he would.

They were the only ones in the room he saw again. Between running his hand on her hair and calming her down, he noticed that it must have been more than an hour for the moon which had not been visible covered by thick dark clouds when he got there, was not visible, its beautiful light shining on them as if by a miracle it made his lady slowly close her eyes and fall under a deep sleep. Here he realized that her husband was not coming, he was going to leave her alone.

Eustace, he could leave her alone, he felt uncomfortable, he didn't know why but this woman, this beautiful woman, this moon goddess, she had done something to him -she had bewitched him, he could speak or think clearly whenever he was near her. Worst was that she did not know that she was doing it! Even now when she was asleep she still managed to put him under her spell, his eyes were never removed from her ... he could hear her breathing, her heartbeat, he loved the way it sounded and he could smell her, a beautiful smell, not just perfume, a scent that was intoxicating.

Honor, dignity, duty nothing matter to him anymore.

He carried her in spite of the throbbing pain in his leg further to the bed where he could lay her down on top of her pillows where she would find herself in better comfort. He briefly pulled away making her stir, almost as in protest.

Finding himself uncomfortable with his boots still, he took them off and then as he continued to slide next to her he pulled the covers on top of them, covering them both but mainly her.

A smile formed as she stirred, coming closer to him almost as if her body had a will on her own even in this sleeping state, when she felt his embrace returning. He smiled back, as he pulled a strand of hair off her face he took a better look on her peaceful features, memorizing every line, every gesture on her face.

She was beautiful, gorgeous, sheer wonder and godliness, could not describe the creature that was before him. She seemed unreal ... all of this seemed unreal. He did not belong with her, men his age, a man his stature did not belong with someone like her, whose body was most than sacred, it was godsend.

However he never let go, he stayed with her for the rest of the night, never once did he closed his eyes, he waited until morning came, staring off into her closed eyelids, being captured by her beautify and the moon shining down on her, the moonlight reflecting more of her godly features, her perfect rosy and pronounced lips, her well trimmed eyelashes and her wavy hair that had escaped from her snood after he pulled it off.

As the sun was rising, and its rays hit Eustace's eyes he realized it was time to go.

Gently he pulled away. The smile got even wider as he began to sat up and head for his boots and cane.

"Eustace" She said making him stop dead in his tracks after he had put on his boots. He turned to his lady's direction, there was a pale face now more evident with a smile more pronounced as it got wider when her arm stretching to the side of where he laid, she spoke his name one last time "Eustace"

The throbbing pain he had felt earlier in his leg all disappeared and now the only throbbing pain he felt was not in his body but in his soul, as it became harder for him to turn away and leave her.

But watching her stir even more and her eyes beginning to open, it took all the self control of his emotions not to fall prey for them like he had at Hunsdon months ago. He carried himself fast he could, cane in hand to head for the door before she would wake up and question over his stay with her.

Susan had locked the door from the outside but not from the inside, he silently opened it up and looking first at the hallway to make sure it was completely deserted, once he made sure it was he walked from her chambers and closed the door carefully so it would not wake her.

* * *

Mary stirred, her hands stretched out more as they seemed to be roaming searching for something to the left side of her bed. She opened her eyes, she looked around, her arms going to her head. She felt a great headache.

She sat up, it was morning already she could feel the light of the sun on her, it felt warm as if it the sun's rays were enveloping her in a warm embrace.

Embrace ... Eustace!

She thought jumping as she sat up in her bed, putting her pillows against her back, so she would have a comfortable place to prop her back against.

Eustace ... her mind whispered.

Where was His Excellency?

She remembered coming, comforting her, telling her nothing but three plain words that had made her fall asleep as the moon had become visible after a long period of shedding tears after she had buried her head in his chest.

Surely he should be here, for she was sure his presence had been with her all night, either wise why was the left side of the mattress all sunken like another figure besides her had slept on it all night.

He had been here with her, he had to be, otherwise where did all the warmness from her body had come from?

* * *

**A/N: You Know The Drill:**

**REVIEW!**

**[1] Hija -Daughter in Spanish**

**[2] Querida hija -Dear daughter in Spanish  
**

**You know the reason I put this song is because though Mary might seem beaten she kept her head up high against Kitty, and Kitty too did not let herself be beaten by Mary, so the other characters they are intent on moving along, never backing down from a fight. However the song revolves more around Mary and Chapuys as Mary and POB relationship enter more in crisis, we see CHARY could blossom and move along.  
**


	20. Pariah: Choose to sink

_**A/N: Thanks for all those who have reviewed, you are awesome guys keep doing it!**_

_**Dani thanks for brainstorming.**_

_**Now I recommend you hear Madonna's Frozen when you read this chapter, this will be one of the most importance chapters of all the story, so pay close attention to the little details, especially while you hear the song.  
Warning the rating for this fic has gone up, scenes of a sexual nature -don't like it don't read, you have been warned.**_

_**Kk,**_

_**~Carolina

* * *

**_

_You only see what your eyes want to see  
How can life be what you want it to be  
You're frozen  
When your hearts not open_

_You're so consumed with how much you get  
You waste your time with hate and regret  
You're broken  
When your hearts not open_

_Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart  
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart  
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me  
Mmmmmm, you hold the key_

_Now there is no point in placing the blame  
And you should know I suffer the same  
If I lose you  
My heart will be broken_

_Love is a bird, she needs to fly  
Let all the hurt inside of you die  
You're frozen  
When your hearts not open_

_Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart  
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart  
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me  
Mmmmmm, you hold the key_

_You only see what your eyes want to see  
How can life be what you want it to be?  
You're frozen when your hear is not open_

_Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart  
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart  
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me  
Mmmmmm, you hold the key_

_Mmmmmm, If I could melt your heart  
Mmmmmm, we will never be apart_

_Mmmmmm, give yourself to me  
Mmmmmm, you hold the key  
_

_If I could melt your heart"_

**~Madonna, song: Frozen

* * *

**

**1542, January 29****th**

**Hunsdson:**

When the sun set so high Mary welcomed it, the higher it was the hotter, and when it was hot Mary knew it could only mean one thing: that she could travel back to Hunsdson, alone.

She felt guilty for not wanting her son Philip near her, but it was better this way –she told her self –at least this way you can be alone with yourself, only with yourself and the people you trust. Susan, her new lady in waiting, Jane and Sophie, her most trusted maids to keep her company. They would not complain, except maybe Susan at times, but she would be at peace.

Free from the cries, free from her uncontrollable sobs and not have to bother Philip or her other ladies all the time, and best of all there would be no Kitty Howard!

The name of that woman, every time Mary said it she imagined herself beating her for what she had dared to say to her. She! A Princess, born and raised, insulted by a mere wench who pretended to act like a Queen? Why –what had passed through her father's mind when he married that trollop?

She was laying back, her back propped against the pillow when her maid, Sophie Tattou told her that Ambassador Chapuys was waiting for her in the living room. She went downstairs; there he was seated comfortably in the sofa cane still in hand.

"Excellency" She acknowledged.

"Your Grace" he said in return, the warm smile coming from the Princess' lips brought one to his face too.

Much had happened but seeing this change of attitude in her, brought him all his past problems to disappear into oblivion.

It was good to see her face again, he realized. And more so now that he would give her even better news. Mary of Hapsburg at last was acknowledging the marriage, now in accordance with his Master she was proposing one of their own Austrian heirs as future bride for the next possible King of England, that be –he hoped and prayed constantly to God for- that the Queen did not bear the King any more male heirs.

One sickly boy whose hair would fall before he could reach puberty (if he reached puberty –he thought cynically) would be enough. England did not need more heretics or sickly boys like that pale boy Edward, whom he feared would grow to be every inch like his uncle, manipulated by that heretic revolutionary who claimed he was fighting for God's principle.

Bah! God's principle what did those men know about God, or his Holy Gospel? Who were they to interpret it? He had better education, by the best Masters in all Europe, than them. What could they know, what authority did they have to change the world? The order of things was the way it was for a reason, it was not their purpose to question it but to obey without question.  
That was the destiny of all humanity, it was the Will of God –he told himself- the will of his Holiness –the Pope –the only one who could interpret the will of God.

To speak the will of God, Chapuys thought when he heard the Princess speak of it, after he informed her of the marriage proposal he would bring the King first of her cousin and Mary of Hungary to her son, it was very profound to see how her blue eyes sparkled when she spoke of her cousin –it caused certain jealousy in the old Ambassador's cold heart.

"Did you hear what I said?"

Chapuys blinked. "Excuse me?"

Mary laughed lightly. "I was asking His Excellency if you would do me the honor to grant me a walk, just like be- like old times" That was close, Mary felt. The last thing she wanted was to reminisce about old memories.

"Of course Your Grace" He answered, how could he say no to the great woman in front of him?

**

* * *

**

"_I do not understand the world, Father.  
By the millpond at the end of the garden  
There is a man who slouches listening  
To the wheel revolving in the stream, only  
There is no wheel there to revolve.  
He sits in the end of March, but he sits also  
In the end of the garden; his hands are in  
His pockets. It is not expectation  
On which he is intent, nor yesterday  
To which he listens. It is a wheel turning.  
When I speak, Father, it is the world  
That I must mention. He does not move  
His feet nor so much as raise his head  
For fear he should disturb the sound he hears  
Like a pain without a cry, where he listens.  
I do not think I am fond, Father,  
Of the way in which always before he listens  
He prepares himself by listening. It is  
Unequal, Father, like the reason  
For which the wheel turns, though there is no wheel.  
I speak of him, Father, because he is  
There with his hands in his pockets, in the end  
Of the garden listening to the turning  
Wheel that is not there, but it is the world,  
Father, that I do not understand."_

**~On the subject of Poetry by W.S. Merwin**

**

* * *

**

They had been walking for quite a while now, sunshine was still there, the sun was not as hot though surprisingly it wasn't cold either, she felt no need to wear her especial leather black gloves yet somehow she felt she had to, something inside her screamed that the Ambassador's visit today was especial, like old time he was bringing good news, and giving her advise.

And it brought them good memories, as they talked about their old times together when they would be battling against the Boleyns or the Earl of Essex, her "former" enemy.

"I don't believe he is so former, you hear how he stalks my son and husband day and night for their favor" She said crossly, venom spitting from her voice.

Chapuys would not say that it was the other way around –her husband did not bother to hide it anymore- Philip of Bavaria cared more for his wife's enemies favor, to climb up the ladder, his charming smile, his handsome looks he resulted to be nothing more than another impoverished Royal opportunist.

His Princess would not like to hear this so he said nothing, he kept hearing her, waiting for her to stop about her so called "loving" husband, it hurt him, she had no idea, to hear her speak of that man in such a way.

Fiend –that was all Phillip of Bavaria had been when he had been presented by his naïve cousin, Anne of Cleves, to the Princess –liar and fiend. He had pretended to be the loving man, honorable, loyal and humble like her mother's motto, meanwhile making plans to take hold of her money, to push himself closer to the throne. It was disgusting yet not strange for a man to use his child to acquire the King's favor.

It was worse for the Princess who had to suffer, seeing herself being displaced now by her son.

The only thing he could do was the same as always, bring her unconditional support, yet tell her the truth and say I told you so without having to be so blunt like he used to before she married the Duke..

She still remembered when he looked at her after IT happened, all those things she thought he would say –sorry, apologize, many things more, but he left her that day to her own luck, it didn't matter that it had been cold and the moon was not to be seen to guide her path back to Hunsdson. She could take back what he did, but would he even care? Never disappear, she thought, that cloud of doubt of whether or not that kiss meant something, whether or not he stayed with her all night or was it all a dream –would stay on her mind.

She wanted answered, but seeing the look on his face; she doubted she would get them anytime soon, so why bother really?

"Your Grace knows that the Emperor would do what it takes to see England return back to the faith"

Mary shook her head, now who was being naïve? "And if the Emperor cares so much about my Country's faith why no approve of the Hapsburg proposal for five marriages, you know it has nearly been four years since that" She then added –"He could have at least seen the benefits even coming from his own enemies, after all I would be marrying a Catholic"

"Yes and his enemies would have influence over you to turn against him" He shot back.

"Funny isn't it?" She said rolling over the roughness in his voice.

He looked up to where the Princess was looking, what was there so special? Only trees, branches, leaves and more leaves, nothing beautiful there, not compared to the beauty of his birthplace in Savoy. England was a rat hole compared to it, even Flanders and Antwerp could never oust the marvelous rivers, the colors, smells and lush green forest found in no other than Savoy.

"What is?"

"You and me we were almost a year ago here and …"

He sighed. "Princess please don't go there"

She narrowed her eyes, had he just called her –"You called me Princess" It was not a question, it was a statement and he knew.

"And what if I did?"

Chapuys did not say whether he wanted her to answer him or not, in all honesty with himself he did not. He preferred if this conversation had never taken place. Did she have to be this indirectly inconsiderate with his feelings?  
Had she wanted to see him naked before everyone, to see him like any other man, vulnerable and reveal him to be hollow inside?

To Chapuys' relief, Mary dropped the subject as she remembered a month ago. Had it been so little since her _dream_? Part of Mary convinced itself that it had all been a dream, just a pleasant dream, but the other half of her, her heart mostly did not want to accept that reality. How could it be a dream –when she had felt his embrace the next day, seen the sheets next to her thrown aside as somebody had been there –sleeping _besides_ her.

Today, however, she would know once and for all if it had been a dream or not, and she would bring to topic once more after she would get an answer from him, of their kiss, what were his true feelings –had he kissed her because it was all done in the heat of the moment, or was it done out of sincere feeling? She **had** to know, and it couldn't wait any longer, she had to know now.

"Did you sleep with me?" It was blunt, rash, quick and he was taken aback, stopped dead in his tracks, and felt his knees buckle. He grabbed the cane harder, looking towards her once more his eyes going wide he nearly screamed at her –"What?"

"Don't play with me Excellency -I know you know what I am talking about. You know right? You were there, you waited until I fell asleep, you waited … it has always been you –"

He frowned, the look on his face begging her to stop, but she ignored it.

"This cloud will always hover over me, I could leave it all today, leave all the memories, but is it not you who told me that when in doubt I should clear my mind, just like yourself, just like a good cynic I must always approach friends, allies and enemies alike bluntly, like a good leader does" She said becoming more determined as she finally noticed his frown. "I want to know the truth"

He smirked, now who was the naïve one in this twisted fairy tale beauty?

"What is so funny?" She asked displeased.

"Nothing, only that you are very naïve milady" Not Your Grace, not Princess, but milady –"You believe a difference could be made, look around you, do you believe a Princess can make a difference –anymore than I can to better your position in Court? I told you that the Duke's marriage would not make it better, but you did it not listen! You could –"

She cut him off rashly, as like a dog she barked at him, shouting –"Now who is being naïve when the marriage of Dom Luis de Portugal was failed, half of the world knows he married some insignificant woman of the low nobility just like yourself, for all I care your marriage proposals would just have made England a colony from Spain, is it not what you wanted, why you were sent here, because and I quote you are not the Emperor's subject and he does not want anymore to do of this?"

"That is unfair milady –and I did that to save you" Eustace shouted.

Eustace didn't know what story he should tell to Mary to quiet her down, but clearly -whatever he said would not calm her down, she was already on the edge of exploding.

Her usually calm gray eyes that many of the Court admired looked anxious and then they became as angry as his, and she tucked her hair behind her ears twice for each time he had finished speaking -a nervous tell, as Susan called it. _Brilliant player, shrewd. Lousy with her "special" guests._

"Good thing it did, since I became the King's subject, his puppet, dependent on Cromwell on enemies who would soon see me dead and my son their next puppet and yet ..." she paused tucking a wisp of hair behind her ears once again.

"And yet?"

She sighed. "And yet you always spoke out of turn to my father, you dared to stand before all his puppets and not whisper but raise your voice to him, contradicting his will, that England was fated to have a Queen instead of a King, and this was before Jane Seymour had fallen pregnant with Edward. Why contradict yourself? Why push me to limit?"

She waited for an answer. It never came.

Exasperated, she huffed and turned her back on him walking the opposite direction back to Hunsdson, but as she heard him call her by her first name, something that it was unprecedented, a commoner addressing like that –she was higher than he'd ever hoped to reach, and he –he was so beneath her –she thought turning to see him once more walking to her direction.

He felt like a cripple before, not because of his gout or his poor health, but because of his coward behavior not to see the jewel he had in front of him.

"Did you sleep next to me?" Only an inch apart she then pleaded -"Please" She was becoming hungrier for the truth as his scent began to cloud her vision

_Where is she going with this?_ What could he possibly say to calm her down? He would just confuse her more if he told her the truth, he had enough problem, she had problems too of her own, they were all very preoccupied with their personal affairs to be worry over who slept with whom and add salt to old wounds.

Just leave the past, he whispered to the Princess, but the Princess could not read minds, anymore than he could figure now what was going through her head.

"I need to know" she said after moments of silence.

When she finished her sentence, he did not respond immediately, but out of pure complacence he let her be lost in his blue eyes, a glint in her dark gray pools would have been impossible to resist, especially when they were so close now and her face was now leaning closer to his, he could now smell, and feel her as she brushed her lips into his.

_What in the world?_ A muted glow was glinting off her eyes, as they were opened the entire time that their lips were brushing against one another. She hurried in before she could repent, to introduce the rest of her mouth in his. With his tongue now inside her it became impossible for them to let go. The light emanating from the sun became more pronounced as noon came, and all the birds that were in the trees flew away making space for the sun to shin on the two pair of star crossed lovers.

He was there. Mary knew now. He was there, otherwise why would his knees buckle, why would he have stopped me and discussed with me when he could have easily made up some excuse, he had done many times before, why so hesitant with me?

Her thoughts were pushed from her mind, as Eustace's hand came to rest on her neck, the other going to her back pulling her closer to him.

To hell with the Queen, the King or her husband and all of England, there was only here and now, for once he rejoiced in letting himself get lost in their passion.

* * *

**Hever Castle**

**Lord Philip the Younger Household:**

She didn't know how long it had passed but Kitty enjoyed every moment she spent with her step grandson, though there were occasions where she felt nostalgia at seeing father and son so closer, she felt she was usurping his mother's place but the back of her voice, that fiendish roguish voice would always convince her that it was not she who should feel guilty –if her mother wanted, she could be here.

It was very irresponsible for her mother, if they asked her, to deny her child and to be jealous –one would think a Princess of England would have better behavior? Where was the so called, regal, jovial and good obedient daughter that Henry always preached about the Duchess of Bavaria? Where was she when her child needed her?

Kitty could not be expected to be the boy's mother every day of the week. He had two parents, only one so far she thought with disdain as she began to rock the little boy back to sleep before she put him back in his crib, his mother had a natural instinct to care for this little angel. Edward and Elizabeth were not her children, biologically, but in ever sense of the word she had treated them as such, and in Elizabeth she had found not only a cousin, but also a friend and a sister something she had thanked the Lord for everyday, for what had started as duty at first, had become into something more –a blessing.

She had everything she wanted, riches, palaces, subjects to worship and praise her and above all a family that loved her. Well almost all, the Duchess still did not treat her with enough respect, and she told his to Henry often, but he did not listen! Why did he not listen? Why did he have to be so stubborn? It reminded her of the Duchess –of that spoiled Princess.

There, there, she thought as she laid the sleeping infant back in his crib. He would have been born with a silver spoon, yet poor child, so little when he was born, and so weak, he always needed his father, his mother and everyone around him otherwise the nurses would report he would cry nonstop with his cheeks turning red and sometimes purple, worrying even the Doctors.

It added more pressure to Kitty if this boy did not live past his infancy. She did not care what they said to her ingrate stepdaughter, but what they would say about Henry, they would all say that the Tudor line was cursed, and she would be forced to produce an heir! As if she was not already, she prayed day and night for the little Lord to become better, to grow into a strong, healthy boy, the heir and grandson that Henry could be proud of, but the little babe was no such thing, and as much love as she gave freely to Edward and Philip, she could not fool herself –they would die young, death was written in their faces.

The King hardly saw his son, and when he did it was only to praise him for being a boy, hardly a kiss or an embrace would be received by either party, the same story was repeated with his grandson, Lord Philip.

"Sleep tight" she said with an excited voice as the child smiled, even with his eyes closed, he seemed to be aware of Kitty's presence. If God granted a miracle, let the little Philip be his miracle, so he could preserve after Edward the Tudor line.

Katherine walked out of the nursery and to her guest room where her other ladies were, ready to play another round of the card game she had left pending when she decided to visit her step grandson. Playing with her ladies had been her favorite past time, especially because at Hever, her step-grandson's Household there was no spy or no usher of the King to summon her every time, she could be herself in this place, it soon became her favorite place after the Lady Elizabeth's Household.

"Any more tales you want to share before we resume our game?" She said with the same excitement as Joan Bulmer laughed discreetly after one of the other ladies finished her tale about the rogue she had spent several nights with.

"No Your Majesty, I think that is it" Said Andrea Wilks, one of the girls who had already told her story of her night with one of His Majesty's guards –his name she could not remember, but the night –she mentioned, had made her day.

"You naughty … naughty" Kitty said, her other ladies laughing with her discreetly, especially Joan Bulmer as she covered her mouth trying to stop the bark of laughter that was going to escape at any minute.

It finally did as Kitty said one crude joke about the Duchess, her favorite subject to make fun of when she felt bored or when she wanted to bring a little humor into her inner circle's atmosphere. "Mary Tudor Wittelsbach was said to growled like a mad dog when she heard the handsome Duke and her father His majesty gave me permission to visit my favorite especial little guy"

Joan could not stop, she had to sit down and take a deep breath, she almost took out all the oxygen from her lungs when she laughed like crazy at Kitty's comment, and she was not the only one –the others soon had joined in after Joan.

"You talk like he was YOUR especial little guy" Joan said mischievously as a playful grin formed around her Mistress' face.

"He is, his mother spends more time hating me and disrespecting me, I hear even Sir John Perrot now laughs openly about her even in the King's presence"

"Oh stop it Joan, Sir John has better things to worry that boy than to become involved in the sour Princess" All her ladies joined in greater laughter as Katherine finished cackling, it was the same laughter that characterized Kitty Howard from other ladies, including her predecessors. The others had behaved with such great and dignity that Katherine could ever hope she could achieve in half the time that she would be with His Majesty.

His Majesty was a man that could still have children, he had to otherwise he would be the laughter of all Christendom, the King being impotent was not good publicity and Kitty understand this better than anyone. Henry was a good giver, but he was also a good taker, everything he had given her he could take it away in blink of an eye if she failed to please him.

It was no secret Sir John Perrot was the King's bastard, they looked very much alike. One had to be a fool or blind not to notice the similarities between father and son. Sir John was also a protestant, this was kept secret, it was the sort of secret everyone knew but no one liked to talk about, much less his father who had admired and –amongst his other select bastards- he held him in such a high steam.

He and his other bastard brother, another of the King's product from his early affairs during the Queen's Great Matter, Sir Thomas Stukeley were all great supporters of Mary, and they had supported the King when he had brought the Reformation to England. They probably felt that England would have finally be delivered from obscurity and into the new teachings of Luther, all adepts of the new ways they had all supported Cranmer and regarded him as a prophet of sorts. Kitty did not know what to think of this? Wasn't God supposed to be interpreted only by Jesus and allowed everyone to be taught? Why was it then that the Archbishop still held some restrictions over how the gospels should be taught, and how people should heed God's teachings. It seemed like Cranmer was also misinterpreting the Gospels, but who was she to debate him, that was men business, her place was with her children, the household, the parties, the pretty dresses and of course making sure everyone had a great time in His Majesty and Her Court.

"I don't blame the handsome Duke of Bavaria for being away from their state, all she does is woof, woof to him and meow to you" Kitty turned to Joan giving a wide smile to her best lady in waiting, she had turned out to be a good jester that Joan, she always lightened the mood of her ladies.

"Oh leave her be" one of the less talkative ladies in waiting said. "she is just jealousy because Her Majesty has everything, if she wants to be as good as us, all she needed was to show you kindness, now she can't even be nice to her boy, what a freak!" She exclaimed

Kitty grabbed a cup of tea that had been prepared just as she had ordered, drinking the tea carefully not to burn her tongue -she said "Leave it, Sir John does not care about her, and Sir Thomas Stukeley even said behind her back how irresponsible she was not to tell the father of her child on time that she was going early in labor! Nobody cares about the Duchess, she has served her purpose, the only good that nun has done!"

So she focused all her attention back to the game of cards after they had all stopped making fun of Mary, it got to the point where the subject of all their taunts got boring.

**

* * *

**

**(Mary POV)**

I did not know who started what first, but God I thought, strange request from his lips when they traveled back to my neck and into my chest as his force in which he kissed me made me fall on my back on the ground. Thank God it was covered by the leaves that had since not been picked since fall to make my fall less painful. He fell on top of me, and time had stopped all of a sudden when I looked up. I could no longer hear the birds or the animals nearby the forest, the wind had stopped, and I could not feel either coldness or warmness coming from the sun's rays.

His thin lips had stopped roaming when they reached my neck on the same spot where he had sunk his teeth last time.

What in the world? I could sense him thinking, unexpected this was as he leaned in closer, his cane having dropped seconds before he'd caused my fall and laid on top of me. It was too late now to back away.

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

Once my lips left her neck to look at her two great dark gray ocean pools, I felt I could no longer be certain if this could be avoided. I had crossed the line, we had crossed the line, and it was too late now to get away from this.

No more time left, this was what I had been trying to avoid all my life, but the wings of an angel, her arms being wrapped around me and her melodic voice that escaped from her giggles, made me convinced that I could not step back from my commitment, come what may I had sworn her mother to protect her -and no matter what happens after this moment, I would still do until her heart stops beating.

* * *

The Ambassador did not need to hear the song of birds or the leaves falling from the tress on top of them, hearing the song deep in her smile, her exhales her moans, it was harmonious, the greatest melody. No other woman had done this to him, there had been others, few though before and after his Holy Orders, but those -he told himself now as he kept hearing the song in her escaped giggles that he'd caused after he kissed her neck- had been fleeting moments. This was the woman he realized he could never forget. He became convinced, now as her arms went around him, that he was in the wings of an angel.

Content that everything was running smoothly here, she brought a hand to his cheek.

He meant to turn away, but he felt more trapped as she leaned forward, and feeling he could not resist being away from her any longer –let the King come, or his spies or his son in law's he did not care for him or his lady's husband anymore, she was his now and nothing would stop him from enjoying this moment.

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

The pious and strict Catholic Princess –I snort inwardly –what have you done Mary Tudor? Look at yourself, kissing a mere Ambassador, a commoner?

I don't listen to that voice anymore, I let myself be taken by the voice in my chest, the voice that is now being silenced once more by him as his hand lays on my breast, his lips now on mine. Please stop, my mind begs, please stop, no I can't –I respond, I don't think I want to as he pushed his tongue in mine, a battle of the tongues ensues and I cannot help but moan as he withdraws momentarily to trace his lips all the way to my neck, the part that has not yet been kissed and felt the touch of his teeth, the part he has not tasted yet.

His hand makes me moan harder as it lands on my shoulder, my left shoulder where unexpectedly he starts to loosen my sleeve, moving all the way to my back I can feel his hand now –once he untied the back of my dress- inside my gown, reaching now to take my corset. It is not tight so he takes it off without much effort.

I briefly see the poor state of his leg, he was right when it said that the gout was consuming him, how could I have been so blind not to see it before? I was causing him greater pain by risking his life and health for me than this.

There is so much on us still, and I feel nervous, not because I have not experienced this before, I have with Philip but it was so different with Philip I tell my mind. With Philip it was duty, it was love too but it was done on a bed and in the comfort of our sleeping clothes, not in the middle of the forest and on top of dirty leaves.

_Take me in your arms and never let me go,_ I pleaded letting my hands touch his soft hair, I had to know the curiosity in me, if his hair was as soft as I had dreams of.

**

* * *

**

Both of them reacted with their lips once more on each other as their hands traveled to different parts of their clothing loosening them.

He pulled her closer as she lifted her off the ground, only the first half as he sat up.

This could be a shipwreck, if they went down, but both lovers no longer cared, they could sailed forever, and if they sank or swam, did it really matter when they were about to be joined body and soul?

She had taken his chemise, and he had taken her gown, leaving only her gown.

He felt the wind return, he suddenly felt cold, he wanted his breeches to return, this felt wrong, very wrong, they were not supposed to be in here, no, this was terribly wrong –they should not …

His mind was pacified by her lips now on his neck, the sharpness of her teeth making him enter a state of catharsis, he brought her closer to his her perfect brown-red hair falling on the side of where she had bitten him.

"Eustace" she said moaning later in ecstasy as he thought 'oh Milady' and spread her legs out to him (forgetting the pain in his leg, he forced his legs first before he pushed hers apart) preparing now for the inevitable, the culminating part that would seal their fates.

She gasped as she felt him rushing, forcing her hips apart, then her legs and then … "Ah" she flinched in pain, but that pain soon turned into heavy moaning as her hands that had clawed themselves on his back soon eased their grip as the thrusts became less painful but then he quickened the pace and it did not help that she brought herself closer to him just adding more to their arousal.

Eustace could not stop himself, when he had felt her lips on his, it was like having that experience of tasting something purely sweet once more, but now it was different since it made him feel like he was in Heaven and this sensation he did not want to let it go. Mary experiencing now the same did not want to let go either, and as he prepared to release himself inside of her, all reason gone from her mind she acted on pure desire.

Their sex had juxtaposed into love making, as the sun now heavier on their heads made them sweat, the seed now deep within her made them feel complete, now they were inseparable, their souls had become one.

Eustace fell to exhaustion as last as his lady's moans died. She had fallen asleep after he had pulled from her. She had felt like a part of her had been taken when he did, and not wanting to see her disappointment she fell asleep laying her head against the dirty leaves. He could not sleep, reason mildly returning he looked around and spotted his black cane just next to hers behind that tree. How it had gotten there, had the thrown it when they had fallen on each other? There was no way to know, but they had to go back, otherwise many of the servants, if they did not already would be very suspicious of their long trek.

But Eustace seeing the peaceful look on her face could not bring himself to wake her up, he laid his head next to her neck, grabbing the gown he used it as a cover to protect them from the cold. Sleep soon came to and he found himself loosing consciousness.

* * *

**A/N: There you go, the troubles are escalating, will CHARY be able to survive this or will they be discovered? Some verses by the way were from the song "Sink or Swim" by Tyrone Wells, great song****  
As I promised I delivered -I said that there would be surprises, I think this will shock Dani and my friend too, this was a very well kept secret as some things in the next chapters where things will go actually slowly just to warn you, we will get more of the court life, yes more chary, however don't think that Mary will become all hyper sexual, though this is just AU and for fun I am trying to keep their personalities based on the show-line, the real characters based on my research on bios, journals and so on In Character, so Mary will not be hyper or an active sexual addict, however we will see future conflict between all the characters as Kitty becomes pressured to have a son, and POB is worried little Philip might not survive his infancy.**

**Quick -FACT VS FICTION:**

***Recently I have been reading the book "The Other Tudors" and I have found several whom were and some are still believed to be Henry VIII's illegitimate children, basing myself off that I included Sir John Perrot and Sir Thomas Stukeley (who was mostly known than John) now I have changed some facts for example birth dates. In this AU Sir John Perrot is not born 1527 but instead 1524, so he is closer in age to Stukely.**

***About what Mary reclaims to Eustace that he ruined her chances for Dom Luis and that of the Hapsburg marriages in 1538, this is partly true. There were negotiations for Henry not only to search for a bride for himself, but also spouses for his children, including not only Mary but Elizabeth and Edward and his niece Margaret Douglas. However, some of these were not in the best terms with Henry or the Emperor so this did not turn out very good.  
**

***About Dom Luis de Portugal, it was rumored that his son Dom Antonia was according to him, a legitimate son, he claimed that his parents had married however because his mother was of the low nobility the marriage was not recognized. What the truth maybe we will never know but we can make educated guesses**

**To answer Queen Mary I of England's review:**

**I agree symbolism is important and we see that coming into play here, from the sun, the moon, sun light and moonlight, even the colors they all share a symbolism tied to the characters' emotions, setting and the future consequences of their actions.  
Thanks again for your review and I thought of putting those numbers there because at first I did not bother but then as I was discussing with a friend who is creative writing major, I decided that it is better to put reference number and then at the end put the meaning of each Spanish sentence in case people do not understand.  
Chinese proverbs often are my favorite and from my class when I heard my teacher speak that, I realized how well it fitted into my storyline so I decided to add it, yes Mary feels humiliation not directly from her son, but from the realization that 'oh they all now consider me because I brought a son, but I am even more set aside' and it shocks her how it does not bring her closer to her father, not in the way she would have wanted, as the poem from the sixteenth century "Happy is the woman without a man" Mary ponders on Eustace's I told you so advice -would it have been better if I would not have married and continued to run my life, with restrictions, but independent of a husband's control?  
And no I am not literature minor, I was considering it but I opted in the end for women studies.  
Thanks once more for your review and I was wondering are you a History Teacher Assistant, or History teacher because you have a lot of knowledge, and I hoped everything went okay with your play, and if you want to you can get an account here so response to reviews can be easier.**

**And thanks for the Eustace and POB contrast observation, it will become more pronounced as we move on.**

**kk.  
**

**_Now to all my reviewers:_**

**REVIEW!_  
_**


	21. Crossroads

"_I hear a voice say "Don't be so blind"  
It's telling me all these things  
That you would probably hide  
Am I your one and only desire?  
Am I the reason you breathe  
Or am I the reason you cry?_

_Always, always, always  
Always, always, always  
I just can't live without you  
I love you, I hate you  
I can't get around you  
I breathe you, I taste you  
I can't live without you_

_I just can't take anymore  
This life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door  
And now I'm done with you_

_I feel like you don't want me around  
I guess I'll pack all my things  
I guess I'll see you around  
It's all been bottled up until now  
As I walk out your door  
All I can hear is the sound of_

_Always, always, always  
Always, always, always  
I just can't live without you  
I love you, I hate you  
I can't get around you  
I breathe you, I taste you  
I can't live without you_

_I just can't take anymore  
This life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door  
And now I'm done with you  
I love you, I hate you  
I can't live without you_

_I left my head around your heart  
Why would you tear my world apart?  
Always, always, always, always_

_I see the blood all over your hands  
Does it make you feel more like a man?  
Was it all just a part of your plan?  
The pistol's shaking in my hands  
And all I hear is the sound_

_I love you, I hate you  
I can't live without you  
I breathe you, I taste you  
I can't live without you_

_I just can't take anymore  
This life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door  
And now I'm done with you_

_I love you, I hate you  
I can't live without you  
I love you, I hate you  
I can't live without you_

_I just can't take anymore  
This life of solitude  
I pick myself off the floor  
And now I'm done with you  
Always, always, always"_

**~Always by Saliva**

She felt his last thrust inside her. When he gave up he let her go, his legs spreading her apart before had not help ease her nervousness, when he began to move deep inside her she could feel herself exploding, it was different to lie besides someone else, besides him. They could not explain what was going on with them, but whatever it was it had taken them by storm, clouded their senses and for the first time since her son's birth Mary felt at peace after she fell back, her head against the cold ground, from exhaustion.

"Eustace" she said while they were sleeping, he would not hear her, and how could he when the wind blew harder against them, leaving his bare back open for any of the wind's attacks.

"Mary" he said, his eyes closing at the same time as hers. He had vowed not to let her sleep, to wake her up in case any of the servants would go searching for them, they had to avoid at all costs unwanted attention, but the way she spoke his name, the way her hands moved to his face bringing him closer to rest his head on his chest made him forget all his worries and have a dreamless sleep with his head lying on top of her bare chest.

Good and evil, life and death, two forces battling against each other for control, this was what this war was about, control, never ending control over love, hate and over Mary's heart and soul.

She had given herself to Philip on their wedding night, she had given him his heart, she had given every right to claim her as his, but the night when they had shared their bed for a second time control had disappeared, the keys to her heart no longer belonged to him, they had been handed over to the Ambassador who on this night had not only taken her heart as his possession but her soul as well, he had imprinted himself, given himself completely in body and soul to her. He had copied himself to her when he entered her many times over, whispering her name, she had been so deaf, trapped by the new feeling and sensation she felt when he thrust

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

Good sensation filled my body -we had remained in the forest for the longest time. We had, at least I did at first opened my eyes, I was breathing hard, his head was on top of my chest, I could feel the hairs in his scalp –aided by the wind- moving in my skin .

I did not know how much time it had passed before he had diverted his gaze to me. He seemed very distracted, he had looked the entire time at his cane which had been lying on the floor next to me, next to it was my gown with the engraved German words of "Angel of Wales" around the enameling of Artemis, the Goddess of the Hunt, looking at me, her eyes deep emerald like Philip looking at me with contempt. I looked away and met more gracious eyes, bluest now as I saw a glint appear on them -however as soon as it came, it disappeared.

"Princes" he said to me, lifting his head up he struggled to find the right words to say next, but no sound came.

"E-" I did not get to finish my sentence.

I could feel the heat of his body leave mine as he slowly moved away from me.

There was desperation written all over his face … and then there was disappointment when he went to his clothes, the pain in his leg returning made him flinch, I got back up to help him but he pushed me away.

"Eust-" He didn't let me finish as he began to put his pant, I tried to help him, but he would not let me, he shoved me as he began to walk past me ignoring me.

Anger resurged in me, why was he doing this? Why?

"Eustace"

I finally made him turn.

"Eustace … what is wrong?"

What happened next was not the reaction I had expected. I would not be shocked if I heard him yelling at me, calling me a temptress, a whore or worse his concubine –it would be expected even accepted for I am not stupid, I am very well aware that we have sinned before God and that I am now a traitor to Philip and to my son for lying with this man, a man so below me yet my heart bares no reproach and I find my mind at shocking ease with all that has happened.

His Excellency, no longer Eustace, looks at me, bowing his head after he has finished buttoning up his doublet, mocking at me.

"We!" He shouts at me turning completely angry, he goes to where his cane and he grips it tighter, a sign he is nervous. "That is what happened!"

"I don-"

"Of course you cannot Princess … we changed the world, we changed destiny and you want to pretend that nothing is wrong? For the love of Christ Madame please be thoughtful, think what this could mean for us! For you" he points a guilty finger at me.

I don't like it. What have I done to deserve this? I do not deserve this, I should remind him that I am not the only one to blame for our sinful consummation, he was the second party involved in this after all.

"And screaming my name, moaning after you bit my neck, tore my clothes apart" I make sure nothing is missing, I want him to feel as despaired as guilty as he has made me feel and as hurt! "You said we changed the world? How about you? You changed the world when you refused to fight for me, for my right to marry a true Royal Prince, a Catholic Prince … if there is anybody to blame here is you!" It is my turn now to point the guilty finger at him.

My heart clenches, I can feel it stop, his laughter his arrogant stare at me.

"My God Princess" he said after his laughter dies down replaced by pure anger directed at me, "what would the others think if they saw you like this?"

"Is that all you care about? My reputation, your reputation I should say! Maybe that is why you worked so hard to make me your Master's best friend"

He throws a heavy insult in French at me as he begins to make his way toward where my clothes lay, throwing them at me. "I might be many things Princess, but one thing I am not is an opportunist, not for you"

I shake my head I know he is lying –I can see it in his eyes, there is many secrets there. As I start to dress, I do not have to worry about him seeing me for I can feel his gaze is diverted elsewhere.

I finish, it was quick, I sniff as he turns to me, his eyes remain the same with anger and hatred he continues his conversation –"You are not a little girl Madame, all that I have done for you, all that we have done for England it can be gone if somebody were to see you like this …if the Queen were to arrive at any moment!"

I scoff at that interrupting Chapuys "The Queen is very busy watching over my son to care what I do"

"**If** she were to come here Princess and see you –you would be on the mouth of every Courtier, your enemies would crush you"

"I don't care what those Heretics say anymore!"

"Yes you will when they begin to compare you to her, even worse than her I can hear them already –no worse than her stepmother going to the bed of older men so below her, I begin to wonder if that is the real reason why you hate her because deep down she reminds you of what you were once, innocent and careless but hollow outside!"

That is the final straw!

"You think I don't know that? I have been on the verge of tears ever since you left, ever since you left my bed, your kiss before that I dreamt of it, confused if it was all a dream. I wish I could toss my feelings and take my heart from my body just like in a fairy tale … but I know now that you were right, that I am not meant for happiness, even you are saying it –comparing me with Kitty Howard … How dare you? How dare you compare me to that woman? To that whore?"

He seemed to regret his words now as his eyes softened and he moved closer to me but I did not want him with me anymore.

"Princess!" I heard him screaming my name later "Mary!" several times but I did not turn back, I kept running and running to my Household the destiny where I realized -after I entered my home and ordered the maids when I reached upstairs to my bedroom door, to lock my bedchamber for me and let no one enter unless it was with my permission- that happiness was always going to be out of my reach, and that I was fool for thinking Eustace was my way out of this twisted reality.

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

"Princess!" Her words had touched me deeply and I began to make my way toward her but she just shoved me, in the same way I had shoved her earlier, and she continued to ignore me as I began to call her by her first name "Mary, Mary!"

I tried to reach her, but with the poor state of my leg I could not reach the castle on time, and when I was greeted by an angry Susan (that woman –I knew by her sharp mind she had become aware what had happened after she had seen her mistress all dirty, and with the sweat still trickling down her forehead) who told me that the Princess was not be disturb by anyone, including her.

I tried to talk more to Susan but she would not listen, she was very angry with me, she blamed me but seeing the desperation in my eyes she allowed me to sit on the couch and wait for the Princess, though she mentioned "I don't think she will come for the rest of the day Excellency" with a sharp tone glaring at me in contempt.

I felt so weak that I could not return the glare back, this was my fault I knew, but I had to make her understand, how could she be so calm after what we had done, what I had done?

Nothing would ever be the same, once the Princess came out though –I would wait to her even if I have to stay all night for her once more- I would talk to her, and I would not apologize as that is not something appropriate for my behavior or hers, but I would explain the situation better, how we should forget everything, forget that all we shared was real, forget that we are friends, just think of ourselves business partners –for wasn't that what our first intention meant for us to consider ourselves? Nothing more than business partners, allies but never friends –and certainly now that she was a wife and mother –or worse to consider the possibility that they could have become something more.

* * *

Eustace did not believe in what ifs, they were for the dreamers the men who wanted to live in regret, and Eustace was not one to regret his decisions, he had done -he often told himself- what he had to survive, simple as that. Life, the world around him had been cruel and he had to as cruel as his enemies to survive, he had to see everyone for what they were, ugly and hollow inside just like him, it was an universal truth that the Princess was still too naive and too in love with the idea of hope and happiness to realize yet.

But he would make her understand, for both their sakes, for there was no telling what would happen to them if the affair was discovered, what it could mean for him and worse what it could mean for her, a woman who had more at stake now that she had risen higher than other ladies at the Court for the boy she had bared to her husband and to her father. And the higher they rise -another universal- truth he more they have too loose and the harder she could fall -all because of the illusion she had created that what they had shared today was real, that he loved her and that she loved him!

How could any woman love me though? Eustace thought, how could any woman love a man as crippled and disgusting as him. He was old to be her father, or even her grandfather for God's sake! How different he was from the King of England who prayed after silly young girls like Katherine Howard and made them mistresses or in her case his wife? How different was he now from all the other vulture of the English that prayed after innocent and naive maidens like his Princess.

Snap out of it Eustace -stop it, he told his mind, he did not want to argue with himself, now was not the time. How could his mind even suggest, even think of him to consider what he felt for her? What did he feel for her? Lust, jealousy, green envy at being in the bed of another man? A bed he would never share, a bed he would never be part of -was that the reason for why he had felt desperate, attracted to jump into her open arms and make love to her?

If that was the case, he had picked the wrong time to fall for her charm, and he had definitely picked the wrong woman to fall for!

During the last hours as the moon was hidden by the black clouds, he felt his vision leave him. He had been asleep for a long time when he had laid with her, yet, without the moonlight or a body to bring him comfort (her body -his mind shouted -Eustace immediately told it to drop the subject) he found himself surrounded by loneliness, darkness soon invaded him as he fell into a deep sleep, unaware that two pair of dark grey orbs were looking in deep admiration.


	22. Pillar of lies

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, to everyone who has reviewed and read thank you.**

**Here is another chapter, one of the more focal chapters and a big surprise here, here is where everything now starts to set the stage for future for our main couples here.**

**Also thanks to everyone whom I have brainstormed, you know who you are, you are awesome, thanks girl especially you for listening me ramble all the time.  
****This is one of my largest chapters yet hope I don't bore you and that the chapter seems insightful to you as I mentioned it sets the center stage for conflict between our two favorite characters and their counterparts, no villains or heroes here guys so just in case you expect anything heroic, fluffy bunnies and a handsome Prince in shining armor, warning you beforehand this will is not the story for you.**

**Conversations that are in italics reflect flashbacks or past conversations.  
**

**Now be sure to review EVERY CHAPTER and oh yes:**

**REVIEW!**

**(PS. Tune in to the song when she says she loves me by Tonic while you read this chapter) **

**kk,  
**

**~Carolina

* * *

  
**

"_If you can only see the way she loves me  
then maybe you'd understand  
Why I feel this way about our love__  
and what I must do.  
If you can only see how blue her eyes ca be when she says:  
when she says she loves me_

_Well you've got your reasons  
and you've got your lies  
and you've got your manipulations  
they cut me down to size  
Saying you love me  
but you don't give your love  
you don't!  
_

_If you can only see the way she loves me  
then maybe you'd understand  
I feel this way about our love  
If you can only see how blue her eyes can be when she says:  
when she says she loves me_

_Seems the road less traveled  
Shows me happiness unraveled  
And you got to take a little dirt  
To keep what you love  
That's what you gotta do  
Saying you love but you don't  
You give your love but you don't  
You are stretching your arms to something that is not there._

_If you can only see the way she says she loves me  
Then maybe you'd understand  
Why I feel this way about our love  
And what I must do  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says:  
when she says she loves me  
_

_Saying you love but you don't_  
_You give your love but you won't_  
_Sayin' you love where you stand_  
_Give your heart but you won't_

_If you could only see the way she loves me_  
_Then maybe you would understand_  
_Why I feel this way about our love_  
_And what I must do_  
_If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says_  
_When she says she loves me"_

**~Tonic (Artist), When she says she loves  
**

Mary had ordered everyone not to bother her, Susan kept knocking several times telling her, more like ordering her if they ask her, to open up and go downstairs to greet Eustace Chapuys.

"Eustace Chapuys?" She cackled manically, "What did he want?" What could he possible want after he had shouted concubine, and many other insults that he later implied that she was just as worse as her father's whore!

Mare, he could hear her whisper in her ear, mare. She was not a mare and much less a whore!

She was a Princess born and raised, she did not deserve his cruel words. Eustace, she thought, had completed her, had made her feel her full and she for a moment thought that she had made him open himself to another human being, she had been so sure that she had finally had his most prized possession, his loyalty in her hands. She had given all her body and soul to him, in a union that should have never been consummated -he had argued- she had given herself entirely to him, in more than just body and soul, she had made a promise when she slept him on the dirty, mud, cold floor where the leaves had covered and hid their bodies from the shame they would feel later. The wind had been howling for it must have known, she was sure that God's eyes or any others would not approve, so while they lay at the wind's mercy it sent the leaves to cover them, and the sun had shined for them, on top of his head forming the illusion that he had a halo floating above him. He had looked so majestically handsome when he had lain on top of her.

She thought him to be an angel descended from heaven to watch over her. He had always been there for her, when she was in physical pain, sick or struck with heavy headaches caused by Cromwell's or his father's marriages he had been there to keep her company, and when he had not been there, he had wrote to her, he had defended her position -she had been so cruel -she knew this now, but she wanted to make it up to him today to tell him that it was not his fault, that there was nothing they should regret, but he had just ran away, shove her away and when he kept ignoring her he had broken his silence with the crudest and meanest words to her! Comparing her to Kitty -really? Who did he think he was to do that?

* * *

"Tell him to go away" She shouted to Susan, Susan had no choice but to obey her Mistress. It was no use trying to make Mary see reason, she was still as stubborn as always, she feared and one day that stubbornness of hers would be the end and ruin of her.

Susan gave up eventually on trying to comprehend her Mistress' mind, she was only a servant, what possible difference could she make? Nothing, Mary was being childish denying her feelings with Eustace, playing cat and mouse with the Ambassador? Was she mad, did she not realize what this could mean for all of them if Philip of Bavaria were to find out? Or worse, Susan brought her hand to her forehead immediately chastising herself for such thoughts, doing the sign of the cross -she thought, if Henry VIII, His Majesty where to find out the truth of his daughter's little adventure?

It would be the end of Mary's fairy tale. She had risen as high as the Flemish tale of Cinderella, revered she could be as the mother of the future King, King Philip of England and Bavaria, how good that sounded, thought Susan, but would Mary be there to share the spoils of her son's rightful crown, or to have the crown of her father be placed on top of her? Would she fulfill her mother's dream or would she sink like the rest of his father's wives.

Was it really worthy for Mary to deny her destiny, or to deny her feelings, which in Susan's opinion was worse, for the man she had seen now she truly loved?

During the last year Mary had dedicated herself in body and soul to make her life with Philip a living fairy tale, but the dream had transformed itself, shifted from the happy reality that Mary wanted to believe into a living nightmare. Mary could not stop telling Susan how she felt about her son, how her father loved him more than she did, and how she felt no better than a mare, baring children -she said to Susan -is all I am good for now, I am seen as the vessel, a mother of a King, people will remember me as only that, for isn't that the fate of all women to become concubines to our sons and fathers Susan?" Mary had questioned her fate many times after she had borne her tiny little son. Susan tried to calm her best friend down, they were women, what difference could they make in the world? Mary had to get used to the life she got, if she did not then it would only make her marriage life harder.

_"Marriage life Susan?" _Mary had said, her grin turned wider as she began later to cackle madly after she finished complaining about her husband's recent friendship with her "mortal enemies" -Mary's exact words to refer to the Archbishop Cranmer of Canterbury and to the Earl of Essex, men she despised the most above all the other Heretics. Susan had nothing left to say to her Mistress except that this was her life now, and like all women she would get used to it or perish living in an impossible dream that would never be.

_"Harsh words Susan, you would have comforted me before"_ Yes she would, thought Susan back to their conversation, nearly six months had passed since then. She would have comforted Mary like she did when she was teen, like when she had been an unmarried woman, before she had met Philip of Bavaria, a lonely Princess and bastard at the time struggling to get her father's approval. She had her own Household, her possessions in her name, she relatively little independence since Cromwell monitored all her activities, but at least the little independence she had when Hunsdon had been hers, she did not have to answer to anybody but herself. Her father had let her be, he had let her do in her Household what she pleased, he had let her pray, he had let her command her subjects as she saw fit, nobody in her Household had to question her orders for she was _maitress n' titre_, sole Mistress of her life and of her destiny.

But along the road of her little independence came Philip of Bavaria, dashing rogue Prince of Germany he had wooed her Mistress and even Susan believing that he was the best choice for Mary. Susan had convinced herself that he was the best man for Mary, for he bore no hatred for other races and religions, and he let Mary pray, the first months into the marriage he let Mary do what she liked, command her servants as she pleased, come and go as she pleased, but that changed when she had fallen pregnant, and especially after his cousin, Henry's fourth wife had died, he had changed, their love turned to rivalry. Constantly they would argue, Mary would reproach him for changing her maids, for bringing new servants from Germany who would speak very little English and mostly German, his native tongue. The little independence she had finally disappeared with the birth of their son. She had called him her little blessing, God had heard her prayers more than he had heard her mothers. She had been so blessed, she had said to Susan, that there was no doubt in her mind that finally she would get her father's approval, that she would finally be the keeper of his heart as his mother once been.

Poor little Princess, she had fallen victim of an illusion, and now she had to suffer the consequences for that illusion.

* * *

Mary heard Susan's heavy footsteps fade away as she walked away from her chambers.

She had locked her door just as Mary ordered.

She would remember to thank Susan later for all that she had done, poor woman how was it she could live in the same roof under an impossible person like herself? How was it anybody can live with her? She was of stubborn character, of proud and impossible stock, she was a Tudor AND a Tratasmara what more was there to mention to prove that not only she was as innocent and naive, the opposite of her mother, but also stubborn, proud and very obstinate like her father? There was a lot of Tudor traits in her, her mother always complained and now the Tudor traits were beginning to manifest themselves, like her Aunt the hot blood young Princess Mary "Rose"(dubbed by the French and Englishmen who fell in love with her young Aunt) soft and delicate, her charm had made the rest of Europe fell in love with her, even Louis was said could not resist her charm, she presumed of her beauty, he said to have felt young and feverish whenever she was near him, the nights in bed she remembered as a child when she would hear her young Aunt tell her mother's ladies, whenever her mother was not present, she would make the old King scream to the top of his lungs begging for more. She was only a child then, but she had come to understood well (listening constantly to the gossip of her ladies and her young Aunt hidden behind the curtains at night) their interactions and peer bonding. She longed one day to be known for her beauty and be showered with gifts and praises as her Aunt.

Alas, every time Mary would wake up from her day dreaming she would find herself not a Princess but a subject once more, first of her father, then her husband and finally her son. Her son, she loved that boy more than life itself, but she dreaded to see him turning into what she hated the most, another cruel or insensitive Master that she would have to submit for the rest of her days. She doubted with this mentality she would ever enter heaven. Constantly she told herself, this world is only temporary heaven is forever.

But heaven can wait, her mind said with disdain. What use is heaven if you had to suffer at the hands of another Master who will see you only for what you can bear, sons?

Is that what she wanted? To be the subject of men -of heretics?

Is this what you want, to be a slave, to be as submissive as your mother, to be man's whores so they can do with you as they wish, to bare nothing but bastard Heretics that would only steal your spotlight, turn England into a Heretic Realm? Do you really think your son will blow years of repression that your father has caused on this land? Will he submit to you Mary, or, rather will you submit to him?

There was no time to answer.

Yes or no. Time was running out.

Now or never yes or no.

**Lead or follow?**

_What will it be? Will you continue to follow others, or will you lead?_

**Lead or follow ... lead or follow.**

**Lead or follow Mary?**

_Stop it!_

_Just stop it_. -She pleaded. **This** was the moment where Mary decided, she was tired of following, she was tired of leading, she was tired of listening to her father, and she was tired of obeying with not the reward of the love and approval she had desired from her father, like she had always made sure he never missed her attention that she gave to him freely. It was time she stopped the illusion, that she put an end to her day dreaming. Nobody was coming to rescue her, as nobody was coming to rescue the damsel in distress, Knights in shining armor did not exist to help maidens, they lived to serve God and Country. A woman was only a distraction to them, the only good thing they were taught they served men for was for entertainment and to continue the human race.

Alas, Mary stopped sobbing as she found this new truth enlightening.

She had been so involved in her tears, in her misery that she did not see the benefits of this concept of weakness in her sex. She could do many things, nobody would question her for she was only God's mistake, product of an incestuous union, she was weak and frail just like her weak son. Who were they, her enemies, to say she would be guilty of anything, when they had attested that she was weaker because of her sex?

She was free she realized, in her mental prison that she had been taught she was weak for being a woman, she was actually free, for she could take advantage of man's law to do as she pleased, to travel freely, to give excuses that it was her stupidity the reason why she had strayed away from the right path.

She stopped sobbing, she stopped crying. It was all over, she did not need to cry anymore, she had gotten out of Plato's cave, she had found the light in this new found revelation. Nobody could stop her, nobody WOULD stop her from leading her life the way she wanted.

Philip might have taken her son, her friendships away, but she had not taken her freedom, her freedom and her faith one thing alone she still kept them alive through her will and her defiance, however Mary was wise enough this time to realize that she would fare better if she gave a silent defiance than an open one.

During the last year she had been very foolish, and very ill with hatred refusing to see or meet with that little twerp who insisted she be called the Queen of England, Katherine Howard. She had written several times to her, requesting, no, _commanding_ her presence and her husband's at Court. She had always refused -giving one _good_ fair excuse, one after the other she had avoided in the first year Katherine Howard's presence but when Philip had been born she could no longer deny the Queen's command. She had to show respect, a child, male born especially changed everything, now she and her husband would be forever under her family's watch. It was no secret the Howards saw Mary as a threat, especially her uncle the Howard Patriarch, the second Duke of Norfolk whom Mary bore nothing more than resentment. The proudest boy in England -her son, the Earl of Surrey, Henry Howard had wanted to steal a smile from Mary, but Mary would not give him anything but cold glares. Philip told her to behave, he tried to teach her with softness when he would lay in bed next to her, **when** he would be in bed with her, that it was best for all of them that she showed the Queen the same kindness and sweetness she was known to show all her maids and poor guests at Hunsdson.

She would, she had told Philip, if Kitty was her friend, but so it happened Kitty was not her friend, never would be and she was cousin of the Concubine responsible for throwing England into the devil's hand, and ruining her mother and her life!  
How could that insolent child, nothing more than a stupid and very dumb child be worthy of any respect from her, a Princess of England?

Mary had been very foolish. Admit your mistakes and it is the first step toward becoming a better, and -she would add- more cunning person.

She had to show herself to be a more kinder and grateful person than Kitty, and if by that she had to show submission throw a few smiles here and there then by God with her pride swallowed and her hatred locked up inside, she would! For her future, and for what freedom she would be allowed while she still remain in Hunsdson away from the prying eyes of His Majesty, her father and her master, her husband.

Mary brought her hands to his face and began to rub her eyes. It was very dark, there were no candles lit in her room, and she heard no longer the chatter from all the other servants, English and non English in her Household. They were all probably asleep, this was her chance, her chance to see if he still cared, or if it was all just a fleeting moment of passion that she had shared.

Walking to the door, she stopped. What if he was not there by the time she got down? Eustace Chapuys never let any emotional attachments, if he truly had any, to defer him from carrying out his duty as Ambassador to the Holy Roman Empire, so Mary's hand started shaking as it fell on the door knob. Finding the courage at last, pulling all doubts from her mind, she opened the door and walked downstairs very careful not to make any sound or to wake anybody up, especially if it was him whom she figured the snores were coming from.

Mary reached downstairs at last after what seemed a long trek. There he was in her living room, on top of her blue long couch he had fallen asleep. If he opened his eyes now he would not be able to trace whose eyes it was that were spying on his sleeping form, she would be disappointed if that was the case, for she wanted him to know it was her whom was watching over him, like God watched over Moses when he promised he would guide him and his people to the Promise land.

Why she felt this way, was no longer the question in mind that bothered her, it was the way she looked at him. The way she relaxed when she saw him breathing softly while he slept.

He tossed however as his head tried to look somewhere for comfort.

Mary rushed to his aid quickly before he could turn more comfortable and thus waking up to see her.

Morning she realize, was going to come soon, the servants could see them, but finding her new freedom through silent rebellion she would find ways through her friends Susan, Jane and Sophie to stop them from gossiping and reporting back to Philip or worse to Cromwell, who would not wince to tell her father about her _nightly activity._

She opted, since the couch was big for them both, to sleep next to him giving him a light push sending him to lie on the rear end of the couch, his head becoming comfortable, he stopped moving as his body became perfectly still after she lifted his head burying the pillow under both their heads. Now there was nothing to stop them from saying they had not slept together.

* * *

Eustace woke up to a great softness lying underneath his head. He opened his eyes briefly. He became surprised as he saw her blue eyes staring at him, her smile he took notice, even when there were no candle to light her face, was directed at him.

It was only for a few seconds as her eyes closed again and she went into a profound sleep.

The sound of her heartbeat when his hand acting on its own went straight into her chest, the chest he had lain in for the first time when they had slept together in the forest, was as soft even when it was covered with all the heavy garments of her clothing. He felt her heart beat faster when he put his hand on top of her chest, just in between her breats.

She was lying very near the edge of the couch, he became afraid she could fall. Eustace against his better judgment brought him closer to her, she made no sound in protest. Both their heartbeats were beating faster than usual.

He had learned in the last few hours spent intimately with her, lying on the cold ground of her property's dark forests that he had more than sympathy to give to this woman, he admired, and he still, despite what they'd done, respected her. His attention was now diverted to her neck, where his hand slid its way up to reach her left side of it. There was the last bite marks, though less visible, he had to move her hair to cover them, he would not want any servant to take notice of them and report back to that insolent boy. He grinned giving a light chuckle at the thought of the man seeing those marks on her. Knowing how proud and arrogant he was, so sure of himself, he would show them off thinking it had been him. He decided then, that he would not worry about the Duke of Bavaria, he was only a pawn in her father and the Heretics' game to control his Princess, the real danger lay in Cromwell and the Archbishop finding about their relationship.

Poor Duke, he had not the slightest idea when he married this woman what he was getting into -for the Princess was not a woman to sell herself to the highest bidder so easily, she was not as cheap or easy as other Princesses in Christendom had been, she was knowing for her feisty behavior like all the woman from her mother's noble house, the Tratasmaras and the women from Castilla, they obeyed no one unless they could have something they could profit -like power.

He had patched up his quarrel with the Princess when he closed his eyes his left hand on her forehead and the other around her waist.

* * *

_"Passion often renders the most clever man a fool, and even sometimes renders the most foolish man clever. This is what Francois de La Rochefoucald said, a notable 17th century philosopher he knew the dangers of love, and he knew what love could do to a man whose heart we are under the impression it has been made out of stone. Love fools us all, it is the most dangerous feeling for it disguises itself as passion, as beauty, but when we take these two masks away from love we see love for what it truly is -not beauty and certainly not passion, it is a bringer of death, harvesting nothing but the seeds of deception and revealing it to be deception. Love is rarely found to be pure and free from seeding deception, rarely does it overcomes all its ugliness"_

_~"_**Love Paradox" by Anynomous**_

* * *

  
_

**July 26th,**

**Hunsdson:  
**

Susan had retired all the ladies and servants the next day after Mary and Eustace Chapuys had woken from their slumber. Six month months ago, how quick, Mary, Susan and Jane thought, time went by, it seemed like yesterday she had lied next to him and woken up feeling the warmness of his hands placed on her waist and her forehead.

Eustace Chapuys had been surprised to see an ally in Susan Clarenciux, the same woman who had reluctantly let him after the fight he had put on, almost threatening her not to leave until she did so.

Susan did not regret what she did two days ago to keep all of this a secret.

And Mary had not been in a hurry to explain her servants what had happened, despite Susan's pleas that the entire Household would be talking if she didn't give one good explanation. Mary let Susan talk, her attempts to show her best friend that there was nothing they should worry about were often clumsy. They respected and admired her, Susan and Jane did (Sophie, thankfully Susan thought -who had never liked Sophie in the first place- had not been there at the time the Ambassador had come and gone from Hunsdson); they liked her beautiful gowns, they admired her courage to stand up against her enemies, her determination, they would praise her saying there was no other lady in Christendom as valiant and she would explain to them what it was that had made her act that way in the past. Her inability to see past the people's true hearts, that people were as Chapuys had said, black and hollow inside and that the only thing on their mind was power, not religion or morality but power.

"So are you going to give up?" Jane asked her innocent voice amusing Mary even more.

"No" She shook her head smiling at Jane as she urged them both, Jane and Susan to sit down in the sofa next to the fire place in the living room where they could be facing her.

"No, of course not" She went on to emphasize after she made sure they understood, especially Jane that things would change from now on. They would speak in Latin, knowing full well that Jane spoke Latin like the other English maids. Whenever Sophie was with them, they would speak in French, after all sly as the German servants were they hardly spoke Latin and they understood very little French.

Susan and Jane nodded in agreement.

"Good" Mary said and starting this rule from today she began to speak -hearing the footsteps of Philip's German servants nearby- in Latin -"Whenever I receive letters from His Excellency, or else from his English butler Fleming, I want you both to report all of their letters and the verbal messages directly to me, not to each other in case there is only one of you who receives the message first."

Her maids nodded.

She smiled, then she said: "His Excellency has a property near Hunsdson, is not a long travel from Hunsdson, but is hidden somewhat deep in the woods so it can be spotted."

Jane nearly jumped from her seat, she was very young and still naive yet Mary and Susan had great fondness for her, for she reminded them of their younger years, especially Mary when everything had been carefree. Clapping both hands together and giving letting a light chuckle escape from her lips she exclaimed: "So you are going to meet in secret, how big is the place?"

Susan rolled her eyes, and Mary grinned at Jane, telling the girl not to get too hyper, the servants would notice they were up to something.

Jane shrunk back, slightly disappointed she could not show her excitement because of those German Heretics. Oh -she thought -they (Germans) have to ruin everything.

"Furthermore," she went on "I want to make it clear, we only agreed on this because as you know he is not welcomed in this Residence. Philip has not let him, and his cottage is the only way we can meet, if there is something important. Greenwich, Whitehall, the Embassy hardly are good private places anymore to receive his letters, I have suspected for some time that someone might be opening our letters"

"Not any of us you know what" Jane said becoming nervous.

Mary's grin did not fade away. "Of course not Jane, I know better. I am only saying this so we can be alert, even the Emperor has warn me to look better at my subjects or at least those that pretend to be me in my service, Mary of Hungary's last letter was very clear on that too. She will not transmit any messages unless they are spoken through His Excellency's lips"

Susan's voice broke Mary's grin as she asked seriously to Mary, "How often will you meet? Mary in your condition you know, and even Philip he can ... when the Ambassador sees you, everyone knows by now, he will be the only one who knows the truth behind your condition. You can't lie Mary."

Mary closed her eyes momentarily imagining his face when he saw her after months of being separated from each other. He had become an important part of her life, she had wanted to forgive him, to let go of the moments they had shared but a month after he had left Hunsdson she had found herself leading Philip into her bed, she had never been more ashamed and so relieved for leading him into her deception. It had been months since they had lain together, she had wanted to give him the news herself the week after she and Philip had lain together that she had been with child again.

Nobody had contemplated it, joy and approval at the young couple soon washed over them when it was announced by her father who had raised his cup in a toast to honor once again the fruitful union of the Duke and the Duchess.

_"To the Duke and the Duchess"_ The members at Greenwich whispered. Edward had been moved by then to Hanworth, people said his health was not the greatest, and they did not need an expert like Dr. de la Sa or Dr. Linacre to tell them. Everyone knew about now of her brother's poor health, and everyone was scared for they feared that if the boy died too son that he would be nothing more than the Earl of Hertford, his uncle and namesake's puppet. Henry, her father would never leave Edward as Lord Protector, Mary told herself -however the consequences of his father's actions, breaking with Rome, and England's constant struggle to become a stable nation, had left her open to attack. If her father had any good sense he would see that an alliance would be needed to keep their Country safe.

But that was not the only reason why her father was worried, now besides his son and his grandson who was still little in size and very frail, he had no choice but to direct his prayers at Mary and his wife, Katherine. If that silly thing provided him with just one male, it would be the end of her, she would have no chance to be included in the succession, her father -as Eustace had said to her before -would waste no time making Kitty an anointed Queen so there would be no question of his Prince's validity to be included in the line of succession.

This would be a heavy blow to Mary, rumors were going around that the whore was pregnant, and if it was she could kiss her chances of every becoming Queen or seeing her son in the line of succession goodbye.

She directed her gaze at Susan, after she had stared at the window next to them off into space, becoming distracted with her thoughts.

Susan worried for her, and she thanked the woman inwardly in her heart for doing so, but this was not the time to feel sorry for herself or for Susan for trying to make her see her mistakes, the potential risk she was running of seeing His Excellency again.

She was by no means a troll, walking mindlessly into a trap. She knew what she was doing, Chapuys had it all planned out as did she.

"There is little to worry Susan, I will leave tomorrow, and I assure you His Excellency will not know the ..." her eyes fell on her swollen stomach. "child is his" She swallowed. She was committing a big sin by making this child pass off as Philip's, especially -she dreaded- if this was a boy, her father would be pleased, especially if he was born healthy, he would be raised as high as Philip, and maybe even higher if he proved to be the spitting image of the healthy son her father always yearned for.

She prayed it was not so.

"He will know" Susan said sharply becoming deadly serious as she her friend's hand was placed on top of her swollen stomach.

They were already at risk trying to pass of this pregnancy as miraculous, people were asking how was it that her stomach was so big in just _five months_ of pregnancy? Mary would reply that it was the Lord Jesus Christ who had continued to bless the Tudor line for His Majesty, whose body she was always made sure to mention, was sacred and so every male born child descendant of Henry VIII, their Lord on Earth.

Susan knew it was all an act. Susan had seen actresses in her time delivering a great performance before their audience earning the applause and credibility of many, but seldom had she seen one act so naturally and hide behind a veil of virtue and morality. Unlike other women no one doubted Mary's word for the very name of Mary Tudor was synonym for virtue and moral cleanliness. She represented piety, the spitting image her mother had instilled in her teachings to Mary.

"He will not" Mary shot back. "He cannot" She said now more calm.

"Do I have your support Susan?"

How could she say no?

"Of course" Mary grinned at her friend's response. Susan went on to say with a mischievous grin adding a little humor-"Who would be there to say besides that I told you so?"

* * *

So they arranged for a trip to Chapuys' cottage where he would be patiently waiting. Nobody in the house questioned them, they saw nothing different in the Duchess' behavior or in their Master's wife, she had been as serious and strict as always with them, constantly reminding them of who they were and that they were in her Household and they had to abide by her rules, and answer her in English or at least make an effort to try.

The mood swings, things that men did not understand, they prayed for the Duchess to deliver that babe early so their torture with her would end.

Mary knew she had to visit the Ambassador before it was too late and she find herself in confinement where there would be no way for her to go anywhere outside her bed chambers except to take a bath.

For two days they behaved as if nothing especial was about to happen, then when the day of July 30th finally arrived, Susan and Jane said to Sophie and the others not to wait for them, in case His Grace, the Duke of Bavaria were to arrive, tell him that she went for a stroll or near the cottage he has east of Hunsdson.

There was no need to question her, not even Sophie who often like Jane, young and impatient would always ask out of curiosity where was her Mistress went. Everyone was so used to see Mary traveling East to her husband's cottage that they no longer asked where she would spend the next few days. Seldom of the people who had seen Eustace had only reported to their Master, her husband, that he had upset the Duchess, and Philip naive as he was, yet loving and so gullible, easy to fall in her lies, had believed everything she said that Eustace Chapuys had only come to disturb the peace of her home. After that the downside had been that she and Philip, more like Philip, had agreed that Eustace would no longer be welcome unless it was of urgent manner to their home.

Theirs -Philip loved using the words theirs. Hunsdson was passing more into his hands, her ownership of it had slipped the moment her father had been told and he in turn told the Court, that Mary was very soon to deliver another son to the Tudor cradle and it would bless England, securing its borders once and for all. Typical of men to feel this way, warriors and crusaders.

Jane Susan helped Mary to the carriage. She felt herself heavier this time than when she had been pregnant with Philip, the pregnancy with Philip had been a very troublesome one, this one not so much, she seldom had morning sickness except for especial occasions, when she would have too much sweets, she would get a terrible aching coming from her baby's kicks. Ironic that Philip who had come from the German warrior who had defended Vienna from the Turks nearly thirteen years ago had been born weak and pale, while this child inside her born from a man whose gout was screwing more of his health, she predicted already judging by the hard kicks he gave her -was going to be born strong and healthy and very impatient, the latter a trait he or she would have from both parents.

It did not take even two hours before they finally reached Chapuys' cottage. It was hidden by the woods and at night hardly anyone would note it was even there, nobody had bought properties here for a long time, this part of the land was not all profitable unless you were a lunatic trying to grow something out of nothing, and with this economy nothing was prospering.

Jane and Susan helped Mary out of the carriage. She could walk fine, though heavy with child, she felt light sometimes, like the child inside made itself light for its mama not to have any difficulties watching.

This was it, she realized, here is where all the deception would begin, where the man whose only thought in the last six months since they had made love had been is this child mine?

_I am sorry_ -she said after she was greeted by Fleming who welcomed her and her ladies inside where there was Chapuys waiting for her._ Please forgive me for all the lies I will tell._

She dismissed her ladies. Fleming seeing that he was only a fifth wheeler excused himself, his presence as her ladies were hardly missed now.

Only one servant had been brought with him today to the Cottage in this secluded area, Fleming and only two ladies with her, all in all they could say that they could enjoy some privacy.

Eustace's eyes fell on the Princess' heavy and swollen stomach.

_Inside ..._ the back of his malicious mind told him, _she carries _**your** _child._

He shook his head mentally. The child could not be his, he had lain with her only once, and she had lain with her husband many times, surely this was just an awful coincidence, yet the possibility that he could have impregnated her, remained there with him and it was not letting him sleep for more than five months since she had announced at Greenwich.

~o~

[Flashback]

_The King's goblet was raised, proud and helped by his usher not to fall as he had risen from his chair, he raised his voice, booming with nothing more than pride, the Queen at his side, the young and sympathetic, loved and respected by everyone, Katherien Howard, Kitty as she was affectionately called, stood from her chair as well as they both declared with a booming voice_

_"The Duke and the Duchess"_

_He was forced to raise his goblet as well, her stomach flat in three or less months give or take would begin to show the signs of the life she carried inside her, but that was not what set Eustace off, it was the question that he was sure she must be asking herself too -was the child his or her spouse's?_

_He would like to think it was Philip, that arrogant, proud and smiling young man._

_Look at yourself Eustace, how low you have sunk! A voice inside told him. To be envious of a mere Duke! It was disgraceful, it was so beneath him to show this behavior, especially at Court where he as a politician knew better than to show his emotional attachment to the Princess, Marillac was there he looked at him, missing the emotional expression that he had shown earlier when the King had announced his daughter's pregnancy. No this was not the time to be emotional, for his sake and to avoid any suspicions, especially from his sniveling and sly rival, Charles de Marillac, he chose to make himself neutral and act as if this event was nothing especial, just another thing to report to his Master._

_~o~  
_

He had lived in agony not knowing whether that (his eyes landed on her belly once again) was product of his seed or the Duke of Bavaria.

Now or never, the time to know had come.

He looked at her expecting her to say something, but no words came out, so it all fell on him.

"Take a seat, I am sure you feel very exhausted from the trip" He said, she gladly accepted. They sat on a small sofa, it was very humble but at least it was comfortable and it gave enough space and privacy for them not to feel too close.

She felt strongly about this.

Her son or daughter, they or he if she only bore one, would change the fate of England, and her destiny as well.

"Milady there is an important matter, I think you would find there is little to say about it, as we both know what it is I am going to ask you next"

She nodded, she was staring directly into his eyes, avoiding at all costs to be lost into his blue eyes, she had to make him believe she was telling the truth.

If Fleming could have been witnessed to see the way she had given herself to him, the way she had loved him on that night they had consummated their union where they were finally free to express themselves after years of their emotional attachments for each other repressed, he would not have had to question his master many times about the validity of his feelings for her.

There was more to the Princess though that met the eye, and even Fleming had known, Eustace had found out too late when he had lain with her, barely hearing his name being whispered as he said hers in whispers. For days he had not been able to live with himself, and just when he thought he was beginning to put that night behind him, that news appears at Court that she was with child. It could not be the Duke of Bavaria, he did the math, no philosopher and not fool her stomach was too big for just five months. Common sense, his greatest ally and companion, told him it had to be his, there was no one around that time she could have slept with.

What this child would bring to them? Nothing but trouble if it resulted in a boy. A boy she would pass off as Philip, and he feared, after hearing from several of the spies he controlled and even from (worse the man he least wanted to hear) Marillac himself, if he was anything as weak like his Uncle the Prince Edward, the Princess youngest son would move to the line of succession, with no Duke of York in the cradle, and stepping over his Uncle and brother's dead shoes (so to speak) the Duchess would be bringing a cuckold into the throne of England. That was something he could not live with, a bastard in the throne of England. Just what this country needed, more bastards.

If he could see himself now, separate the soul from the body he would bet all his pension he would see himself being lost over her deep ocean pools, like waves making him want to swim away from those dangerous waves, yet those eyes they were the very same eyes he had fallen prey for many times. Overcome by the intensity of her dark gray orbs he became confident once more as he spoke.

No run on sentences, no sarcasm, and no cynical behavior this time reflected in his blunt question: "Am I father of that child?"

_

* * *

_

**A/N: There it is what do you like it hate it bore you?**

**Only one way to find out remember to **

**REVIEW!**

**kk,**

**~Carolina**

**xoxo  
**


	23. Let go

**A/N: Now I want more reviews to those who have reviewed thanks guys and girls you rock!**

**Thanks to Dani (SSLE) for brainstorming she has been a great help, anything you need you can also contact either me or her.**

**Next song is Let me Go by 3 Doors Down I suggest you listen to it this is a continuation of Chapuys' last question to Mary regarding her child's parentage, this chapter features an intense conversation, so I really recommend for everyone who wants to feel more of what the characters will experience to hear this son, awesome song!**

**kk,**

**~Carolina

* * *

  
**

_"One more kiss could be the best thing_  
_ Or one more lie could be the worst_  
_ And all these thoughts are never resting_  
_ And you're not something I deserve_

_ In my head there's only you now_  
_ This world falls on me_  
_ In this world there's real and make believe_  
_ This seems real to me_

_ CHORUS_  
_ you love me but you don't know who I am_  
_ I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand_  
_ you love me but you don't know who I am_  
_ So let me go,_  
_ (just) let me go_

_ I dream we head to what I hope for_  
_ And I turn my back on loving you_  
_ How can this love be a good thing_  
_ And I know what I'm going through_

_ In my head there's only you now_  
_ This world falls on me_  
_ In this world there's real and make believe_  
_ And this seems real to me_

_ CHORUS_  
_ And you love me but you don't know who I am_  
_ I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand_  
_ And you love me but you don't know who I am_  
_ So let me go, just let me go, let me go_

_ BRIDGE_  
_ And no matter how hard I try_  
_ I can't escape these things inside_  
_ I know, I know_  
_ But all the pieces fall apart_  
_ You will be the only one who knows, who knows_

_ CHORUS_  
_ You love me but you don't know who I am_  
_ I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand_  
_ And you love me but you don't know who I am_  
_ So let me go, just let me go_

_ (you don't know)_  
_ You love me but you don't_  
_ You love me but you don't_  
_ (you don't know)_  
_ You love me but you don't know who I am_

_ (you don't know)_  
_ You love me but you don't_  
_ You love me but you don't_  
_ (you don't know)_  
_ You love me but you don't know me"_

**~ 3 Doors Down -Let me go

* * *

**

"Madame" He began. No formalities this time, he wanted to get straight to the point and so did she he suspected.

Mary had nothing especial to say, he was being blunt, cold and so -she said to herself- can I. Yet, there was the invasive presence of his blue eyes, they were the bluest she had encountered to date, she could not lie without first looking away, if she looked deeper into his eyes she feared she would loose herself and end up blurting 'yes'.

She had not come all this way to ruin her life, or the child sleeping inside her. Whatever fate awaited her, good or bad she would not let that befall on her children. Let God punish her if she was raising Eustace's bastard, let the heaven fall if this child -should God forbid- were to become King after two great men like his uncle and his older brother, let the devil take her soul, let all the evil in the world befall on her -but not on this child, the child was blameless, if there was one to punish it was its parents.

She looked away staring off into the landscape of Eustace Chapuys' small portrait of his birthplace, Annency.

Her hand, unconsciously landing on her swollen stomach she said to him in a toughened voice "No"

Quick and simple no, he had no reason to question her. It was blunt, it was simple, her no was absolving them from any cardinal sin that could befall on them by the Church or God. The child inside her was another product of a union -he still considered- should never have been, but a sacred union nonetheless recognized by the Pope and by God Almighty.

He should have felt he was absolved from all guilt, and no longer racked by any nightmares of what the future would hold if it was discovered the child was the product of a love affair, but thank God it was not, yet why was it, that his feelings juxtaposed when she confirmed that the child was Philip's and not his?

Why was it he felt no absolution, no hand of God easing his worries, or taking away his fears?

If he did not know his conscience any better, he felt worse than before.

Mary wheeled herself to face Eustace Chapuys' blue eyes, they were not looking at her this time, they had pulled themselves away from her.

No one said a word, no one ... until he finally cleared his throat, with every will power he did not know he possessed he willed himself to meet her dark gray orbs again.

Was this really true? The back of his mind whispered, was she lying to save my skin or worse yet hers and was she really going to put a bastard in the line for the throne of England? God forbid, not if the child is a boy and mine, but if the child is discovered and our love affair exposed -he thought disdain washing over him as he looked at her disgusted. What did she take him for? A fool, Marillac?

If he was anyone else he could have believed her lies, but as it was he could not and pretending that none of what they had was real. Her swollen belly he looked down to it and then back up, was too big for just five months or less. The time of conception, how round her belly was and how swollen it was could only mean one thing -the child was his, not Philip's.

He wanted to say Oh Christ, shout to the four winds, beg for Mercy but Eustace was not one to ask for a second chance, what was done and there was nothing he could do to fix his mistake, he would however fix the future before it went into chaos for the lie of the Princess.

"Who is the father?"

Mary's eyes went wide.

Had he gone deaf?

"Philip is t-"

"Don't lie to me, your stomach is too swollen, and you are very heavy, you can barely walk, I have seen several women pregnant at Court to know that they cannot be that big with child unless they are carrying twins which I think with you milady, pardon my intrusion on this, but is not the case."

"How do you know Excellency? Since when did you become a physician to predict the child's gender?" She asked mockingly.

He was not hurt by the tone of her voice but by the way she looked at him, contempt coming from her eyes she wanted to see him humiliated -or at least that was what he was sure she intended for there was no other reason to explain for her choice of words as she went on.

"Philip lain with me days before you -" Liar he thought, "and then after we ... slept, you and me, he came after and I lain with him again" She said as it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He felt a huge knot being formed inside his throat making it harder for him to contain his anger, and it was not letting him speak, he felt the words coming out of his mouth devoid of any feeling, he felt hollow inside, with no longer any empathy to give to her. She had shattered it, part of him was very glad to hear those words, to confirm that the bastard inside her was not a bastard but the legitimate son of Philip of Bavaria and the Princess. Yet the other side of him, the side he rarely listened to or paid attention, spoke from the bottom of his soul begging the Princess when she had spoken about her child's parentage, begging him to tell her to stop. That part seemed to overcome his reason like before, the night they had lain on the forest, it told him she was lying that this (her unborn child) was his. He looked for the last time at her, his gaze falling on her swollen stomach.

Philip's -a product of duty, honor and fidelity.

"Excellency?" He heard her speak louder this time. "I know that we can put this behind us. What happened you were right, it was only done out of a moment of stress and we must thank God that it did not go beyond that. Philip and me, we are blessed by this child, and we must put all of this behind us, continue on with our lives. Excellency"

He clutched his cane, he felt older when he heard her finish. He stood from his sofa and walked towards her, nothing but fury in his eyes, he was sure, this time he was not going to hide his disappointment, his shame or his disgust at her.

"Please Excellency is the best for us all" She spoke again, and there a huge hole had been formed by the dagger she had driven into his chest. He wanted to take that dagger, her words and throw them back at her, he wanted her to feel what he was feeling, the pain and anguish of having to live for the past five months worrying about his immortal soul, whether or not the bastard inside her was really his or the son or daughter of another bastard, Philip.

But he did not take the dagger from his heart, he did not voice his discomfort when she spoke about her sexual encounters with Philip, or that she had no trouble hiding from the truth. He regained his cynicism, the thing for which he was known for, admired and despised and with that, his only tool left in him to strike he said to her: "Very well then" No regrets.

_'Take what you can_, he heard the voice of his old teacher say, _give nothing back.'_ He would take the dagger that she had punched through his chest and drive it further inside so it would destroy the last piece of his humanity, it would be a reminder of how dangerous it was to fall in love with a woman whose only main thought running around her head was her position at Court. She was a Princess after all, a politician, cold and callous like her mother and father, they all were -he now saw it better. They all were like her, and he was a fool not to see it before. Why had he been such a naive dreamer, what had this woman done to him -he had broken his vows to his master, the Emperor, the Regent, God -he had sacrificed everything for her, for her love -a love he now confirmed was not reciprocate, and most of all he had sacrificed everything for her, to make her happy.

What had he received in return?

He smirked at her, cynically saying before she could leave, clutching his cane tighter, "I will pray that you and the Duke be blessed with a healthy male heir. Good day ..._ Madame"_

Mary did not like being spoken in that way, and not with that disrespectful tone, but she understood she had hurt him, she had lifted his spirits, she had made him part of their little lie, she had made him believe that they would be together but after he had woken up in the forest he had seen that no such dream could ever been possible. If he wanted to blame someone for shattering his dream, it should be him, for he had done more to hurt her than she him. She was living in hell day and night wishing for the child not to be his, that she would wake up and find herself next to Philip side, something she dreaded yet she yearned more than nothing, to undo what she did.

But she could not undo the past anymore than he could, and lifting herself up from the old chair she walked closer to Chapuys, only an inch apart Mary opened her mouth bidding him farewell but before she could reply Chapuys turned away.

"You are angry" It was not a question.

He snorted in laughter. My God to where is her naivety conducing her that she has become so insensitive to my pain? But why should she care Eustace, you were just another fling for her, her release from her dull life at Hunsdson -my mind shots back and as much as it hurts me to say it, I have to agree, I was nothing but her tool, her release from her dull life with that Duke.

She wanted to leave this house convinced that I had swallowed her lies, if that is what she wanted then I would gladly give in but not before telling her the truth and what he truly thought about her plan.

"Why thanks for stating the obvious Madame" Madame, he had almost said Mary, but that name no longer had any meaning for him, she had destroyed it the minute she had mentioned that man as her father's child. "The masquerade you put on always eludes me, until now I only need to look closer to see that there is nothing in your eyes but greed. You share nothing more than your father's ambition, you desire to have the world at your feet, because deep down you know that if you die now nobody will shed a tear for you, nobody you love, the only people that could shed tears for you are already lying six feet below the cold hard ground that your father's henchmen buried them."

She shook her head. What right did he have to treat her like this. "Do no compare me with my father Excellency. And what gives you the right to talk to me like this? You are..."

"A commoner Madame?" He finished her sentence. He refused to call her Milady, she had lost his respect the minute she revealed she had slept Philip, almost immediately Hunsdson.

"Yes" Her tone was as cold as the icy floor she had lain on six months ago. "And you would do well to remember it Excellency, you have no right to call me Madame, you shall call me by my title, Your Grace, I am a Duchess, and if you ever disrespect me again I will write to the Emperor personally and see that he replaces you, maybe with someone more worthy of my respect"

He could not help but chuckle at her last comment.

"Respect?" He asked with an incredulous expression bowing his head mockingly to her.

"Stop it" Mary said.

"What should I stop? I give respect to Kings and Queens, you are not a Queen and if you continue to show your open defiance to the Queen, His Majesty's wife and his other courtiers then you will never be Queen, the King will leave you from his will, and his Crown after your brother dies, and mark my words **he will die**" she looked away pretending she was not hearing anything but it was impossible to block his voice from her mind as he went on, "your sons not you Madame will inherit the throne"

She spun furiously, "I will be Queen because my mother willed it, on her deathbed she saw me as this Realm's Queen and when I am Queen you will see Excellency I will cleanse this country from all of its impurities, I will burn and spill as much as I have to! To make this Country a Catholic Kingdom again!"

He clapped. She had really lost her mind, how naive of her by the time, if she got to be Queen, nobody would bow before her, it would be too late, the Country would be completely Protestant by now.

"I will fulfill my destiny Excellency" She said more determined, her gaze penetrating his icy blue orbs.

As if he had read her thoughts, he hit the ground with his cane and shouted to the four winds, his finger pointing at her. "

"I thought of all people you would understand why I am doing this, why is it so important and you even said that yourself -that my reputation remains intact, that my children are legitimate!" She said hoping he would turn to look at her, but her hopes were squashed as his cynical laughter continued. She went on to mention Philip again, trying to make him understand, convincing him of the lie she had worked to hard to create and sounding more convincing, even believing the lie herself replacing the images on the muddy ground those six months ago in Hunsdson, with Philip instead of Eustace -"He is the father Excellency, and he will be named as the father before God and all the Courts. You better get used to it, otherwise your stay here will be very short"

It was now the end of all hope, she sounded so convinced now, she had finally conned not only him but also herself. The lie had become a reality now, no matter what the truth was Mary was going to pass that child as Philip's brat, and no matter how much he prayed or felt resentment towards her for that, especially for having the audacity to admit that she bore no shame for their actions when she slept with Philip after they made love, shattered his restraints for control.

He spun around and walking very fast ignoring all the pain the gout was causing him in his leg he shouted "For the love of Christ! You might believe it, you might chose to swallow and live in a world of make believe but I won't"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked boldly.

"It means that you leave now and never come back, and if you on pain of death I so swear from my mouth I will speak the truth about your child, for I will not be in your little games anymore. What we had my God what a fool you made us both, you conned me, congratulations Princess. I really thought we had something, but all you wanted was a way out of your bored life, taking care of your son, living in a house where you are not allowed to do nothing, here comes me a subject who has always been faithful to you even more than his own master, he makes you feel free again ... and you, I, that is ..." he paused trying to find the right words, he looked up to meet her dark gray orbs, they were hurt now, good he thought, let her be in pain, he didn't give a damn about her feelings anymore "... I became your perfect play mate. Get out"

"Excellency"

"I said get out"

There was nothing more left to say, Mary went to the kitchens were Susan was and told her it was time to go.

Eustace did not hear them depart, by the time Fleming had come to tell him of their departure he was already upstairs locked up in his bedroom, hitting the floor with his cane several times imagining it was her memory she was beaten but no matter how many times he would punish the floor and hit the ground with his cane, her memory could never be erased, it had become a part of him now and he was going to live with it, as she said.

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_"We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love — first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage."_ ~**Albert Camus**

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**Hampton Court Palace**

The next month things returned back to normal. The Princess returned to Hunsdson to receive her husband. He was ecstatic of course to learn that the child his wife carried inside her was growing and at great speed, they were truly blessed he had said. He showed her off before all the Courtiers, at Court she was seen as the Madonna heavy with child. CHapuys had to stand her looks, her kiss to Philip when they returned to Hampton, him included because he was commissioned by his master to report every new activity at Court, especially when it concerned his cousin.

Mary of Hungary was more adamant than Charles V, pressuring Chapuys to insist on the King of England and even, to his dismay, the Duke of Bavaria, about the marriage proposal between one of their own, a Hapsburg Imperial or an Portuguese noblewoman to be the next and future Duchess of Bavaria, maybe even Queen someday if the Queen failed to produce any male heirs, or heirs period.

Chapuys by this month suspected that Katherine Howard would never have any children, and it was evident that there was a lot of pressures laid on that poor, delicate and young creature's arms. If the Duchess of Bavaria, her archenemy did not bear a healthy son or no son or daughter at all, Queen Katherine Howard would be now more forced to bare His Majesty's son.

He refused to be in this Court even more.

The musicians played another tune, French as they were the Queen's favorite, and the Duke of Bavaria so lost in his lady's dark gray orbs invited her before everyone to dance, now as heavy as she was with child she requested to everyone not to jest about her slow movements, everyone laughed at her small joke, including Her Majesty. She was not really laughing with her, Chapuys knew, she was more laughing at the Duke of Bavaria, the man who had befriended Kitty and had been one of the few to support her, unlike his wife, in the first months after she had married the Duchess' father.

And there was also the product of Duchess, what she was carrying, if a healthy son (Chapuys dreaded at the thought) it would raise the Duke on top of the highest mountain, he would be lavished with titles and gifts, and all thanks to his sons and the woman who carried him, for it was thanks to her royal blood that he had been making friends so fast with the other Heretics. Ironic, he says he loves his wife, Chapuys thinks as he watches the Duke and the Duchess dance slowly at the French tune that the musicians were playing for them. Yet as the Duke kissed her cheeks and Chapuys frowns, he realizes it is not the idea of her love that draws the Duke toward Mary, but all the benefits he would continue to enjoy if she brought him more children, mainly males.

He left the "happy" scene and headed to his Quarters, he did not bother to hear Marillac complaining on how easy it was to upset him, he would live Marillac for another day, but the pain in his chest was more important and as deeper as he pushed the dagger she had pushed in his chest, the harder it was for him to breathe and to see her smiling with her swollen belly, looking as radiant as ever.

He had failed her, and he had failed himself for ever thinking that a woman like her, fine, beautiful and a Princess no less, could love someone as broken like him.


	24. Full of Masks

**A/N: Now I want more reviews to those who have reviewed thanks guys and girls you rock!**

**Thanks to Dani (SSLE) for brainstorming with me.**

**I will not update until next weekend because finals are coming I have to study, this time there is no song but some quotes you should read before the chapter to add on to the effect, though this chapter might not seem much now later you will see its importance, Chapter 25 will deal with the delivery of Mary and Philip's healthy child.**

**Next chapter I promise will be longer and will not only deal with the delivery of Mary's child but also a re-encounter with the dashing Ambassador.  
**

**And remember to REVIEW!  
**

**~Carolina

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_"Of love I have learned that is not kind and sweet, but cruel and an unforgiven that plagues that sweeps you from your feet making you feel high. It lacks beauty so it wishes, and when it has it -it consumes you, however some forms of love learn to cope with their ugliness and when they do this accepting what each of their other halves are, love becomes forgiving and merciful, it becomes something beautiful, but rarely does this love happen"_**~ Purity by Anonymous

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Marillac watched the Ambassador go. There was something strange going on -he figured, it was the second time now since the day before yesterday that he leaves Court at the exact moment that the Duchess of Bavaria would be asked to dance by her spouse. Curious, thought Marillac, if he did not know better ...

No, that was impossible -how could the Ambassador ever love a Princess like her, even a bastard one who so out of his reach? He had to be joking, that could never, not in a thousand, not even in a million years happen! Charles de Marillac assured himself that it was all his imagination, the Ambassador was an old and broken man who had to support his (though he wasn't heavy as the King, then again Marillac told himself, nobody was as heavy as the King of England) light weight and use a walking stick for his gout infected leg was rendering him more useless..

Then there were the lines in his face denoting his old age, and the cynical smile that would adorn his lips whenever he would engage in conversation with anyone, including the Duchess, Princess Mary. There was something odd in all of his behavior thought. Chapuys was a man who would never let himself fall prey to his emotions, yet he was a man like no other, he had needs, he had desires, and he was easily victim to fall prey of the demon of desire, and -Marillac thought, now taking a better look to the Princess swollen stomach, where England's next best hope lay- who wouldn't fall prey to lust for her? After seeing how radiant the Princess, the thought of her must have passed through the Imperial Ambassador's mind, a lonely and sad creature like her, could easily be driven to sin if she found the right partner who would give her everything that her husband could not -love, understand and affection -all those things that women always craved.

Things though that were out of her reach if she indeed was having a platonic love affair with His Excellency, since not only was the Ambassador as cold hearted as the icebergs at the end of the world, but if someone where to drive a dagger into his heart they would find it broken, the Ambassador's heart was made out of stone as the rest of his character,he was an opportunist not different than Marillac or any other politician before him. Now as the music ended and the Duchess and the Duke of Bavaria retired from the dance floor to rest of any stress that could harm their babe, Marillac retired from the Court scene, he had one informant in the Duchess' Household, if he could get his informant to find out what the real nature of the Princess and the Ambassador's relationship was ... he just could find his next promotion stepping over Chapuys' worn out shoes so to speak, he would become the greatest influential mind in England, his Country and his Master would finally gain the upper hand over the Empire making England their eternal ally.

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_"The greatness comes not when things go always good for you, but the greatness comes when you are really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes; because only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain... Always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. Always remember: Others may hate you. But those who hate you don't win, unless you hate them. And then, you destroy yourself."_

**~Richard M. Nixon on August 9, 1974 last address as President in the White House before his departure.**

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The day after Chapuys had left for a second time the Court after the Princess and the Duke began to dance at the beat of the French music the King's orchestra was playing,Chapuys his back propped against his pillows was having a hard time dealing with the situation. Mary of Hungary was pressing him with the matter of the betrothal, and then there was Marillac , he had seen the suspicious look cross that French weasel's face. He knew he was not going to let the matter of him and the Princess rest.

Did he even suspect he and the Princess had ...?

He shook his head.

Charles de Marillac was a cunning, sniveling little weasel but he didn't have the brains nor the imagination to solve even the simplest of puzzles. He had a suspicion nothing more, but even so Eustace knew he couldn't let his guard down even for Marillac.

He was not wearing many clothes today, he had just got up and put on a chemise hiding the scars in his back and on the rest of his aching muscles. He was sure there had to be something in the food he ate last night, it was the meat, must have been. Again, if he was inAnnency or he would have stayed in Antwerp he would not have to suffer under the incompetence of bad cooks. Everything the English cooked was bad cooked or barely, especially pork and chicken, cows sometimes they would acquire a fine taste but only if the meat was dipped in gravy or salted enough to add a better taste. The chicken and pork were rarely cooked right, and the English loved to gorge themselves in huge chunks of those poor animals they had slaughtered, sometimes even that would not satisfy their appetite, they would always have to ask for more, just like their King little was not enough there always had to be more. It was disgusting even to watch them eat, he had to cover his mouth the first time he had arrived in this Country to hide his disgust for them.

How old he felt, grabbing his cane -this walking stick, he noted, this (he looked at his walking stick) was the only thing keeping him from falling and for months now he had to use even when he got out of bed, something that caused him great frustration for the reminder of his age would now follow him everywhere. In six months since -it happened his leg had gotten worse. He could still walk without it at times, but he would risk being the victim of excruciating pain. His counterpart was right, he was old and at this rate he was becoming closer to being the cripple Marillac always teased him for, implying he should retire as soon as possible before he would die on them and become a greater embarrassment for the Empire.

In the afternoon, and hour after he had woken up and began to get dressed to meet with the King, a storm broke out making it impossible for any of its inhabitants to leave the palace for at least two days until the storm ended. It was not common for a storm to last this long, but alas the weather had been a funny thing to behold lately. When they thought it would be cold the weather would turn hot almost immediately, the sunlight on the King's face almost mockingly hitting the elder man and blocking his vision leaving him almost blind to appreciate his young thing he called "Queen" precious gemstones on her french style tiara. Chapuys had been there when the sun had hit the King's face too, the heat unbearable and the weather making no sense when at night it had turn terribly cold, that had been only yesterday.

"God was angry" he would hear Raphael complain to Fleming.

"God is not angry Raphael, but he will be if you keep speaking nonsense, God has no time to hear the weak, you can't let a change in the weather scare you man" He said to Raphael after he brought him a hot cup of tea. Fully dressed he should have met with the King hours ago, but he had been so lost staring at the rainy landscape from his window that Fleming and Raphael's heavy knocks were what had made him realized he was only loosing time.

The boots were not making anything easy, he felt the material too cold and the tea did little to make him feel warm.

He was beginning to think after he dismissed Raphael and Fleming, that the young Spaniard was right, God was not against England, he was against Eustace and this was his form of punishment for having had no common sense when he had lain with the Princess.

Unfortunately he had no time to say his apologies to the Lord. He had greater business to attend to, giants to meet and rivals to crush before they got too close to the truth.

Always crush an enemy, lessons number one in politics and in life, his life and the circles he had been in before England had taught him that.

And he had to be angry, he would use the pain in his gout, the dagger in his chest of his lady's words, remember her face as she had kissed the Duke in front of all the court, laid his hand on her swollen stomach making him believe that she held England's next salvation, so when he met with the King he would be fearless and he would use his anger, his bitterness to accomplish his mission, and make the Empire be the first to the finish line with the alliance his Master and Mary of Hungary desired -between Lord Philip Tudor-Wittelsbach and a lady from the Hapbsburg house- before Marillac's influence would lure the King back to a French alliance.

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Later that night after the negotiations had finished, the King was holding a ball to celebrate on his daughter's pregnancy, for a son he had yelled raising his goblet with the rest imitating as the drones they were their master, they drank from their fine wine, some drank ale and gave a loud cheer for the young Duke and Duchess of Bavaria.

Mary by now was very far along, in reality she was seven months along but she had to make it as God had blessed them with her enormous belly. Philip had been very easy to deceive, he believed God was working in their favor, and Mary was celebrated -she was so caught in the glitz and the enhanced appearance of attractiveness around the Tudor Court that her father had organized for her, that she had forgotten altogether that if it wasn't for the product in her belly none of this would have ever been possible.

Susan had taught it possible to hide her sneer behind the Duchess when she said to Sophie that she never felt more happy in her life to be considered by her father and the rest of the Court, to be admired and gawked at like she was a Goddess.

When she heard Susan sneer Mary walked to her best friend's direction. If it wasn't because they were in the middle of the Court room Mary would have scolded her, but as it was she had to behave and smile sweetly as Philip came their way giving Mary a quick kiss on her cheek.

"Am I interrupting anything?"

"Of course not Philip me and Susan we were just going to talk about how lavished the decoration are, right Susan?" She asked her chief Lady in Waiting.

Susan was forced to play along, what more could she do but put on a mask of happiness for her friend and his clueless husband.

After she nodded Philip turned back to Mary whom he now kissed fully on the lips, it was an affectionate and tender kiss, yet she did not find herself returning it. She did not feel stimulated by it. The way Philip had looked at her should make any woman melt, but she had not felt anything when his lips made contact with hers, it just made her feel even more hollow.

Philip was surprised to find his wife's lips still instead of responding to his affection like she had done before.

"Is something wrong? You were shivering when I kissed you" He said disconcerted.

She shook her head. "No Philip" she reassured. "I am fine"

"Mary are you sure, maybe we should leave now so you can rest"

Mary shook her head, looking at Susan and then to Philip whom she continued sweetly, the glamour had to be kept for her sake. Her hand traveled to her swollen stomach, giving a light chuckle she reassured Philip that everything was fine, "You are not interrupting anything, except my happiness by you being next to me"

The scene was too disgusting for Susan to look, just remembering when she had come to Hunsdson with her dress all stained by mud and her hair disheveled crying and mourning for what she and the Ambassador had done, now to see her like so uncaring for the Ambassador, so deceitful and her face a mask of lies!

It became too much for her, without asking for their permission Susan just left, let Mary say something to her, let her sneer as she had sneered at her Mistress. She did not care anymore what Mary did, it was her life, her baby's and her risk -a great one -her mind roared if Mary continued on with the lie!

Mary watches Susan walk past her other ladies, she would talk to Susan later. She would not let her spoil the party her father had worked so hard for. She was finally being acknowledged, after this child, if he was a boy -a voice in her head said- he would bring her even more joy for Philip's heir he could have to teach and to hold, but this second son she would have now to love and to hold. This boy would be hers and it would be an added bonus to her importance, her father would realize that she and not Katherine Howard not other wench of his could bring heirs to this Kingdom, she would finally be reinstalled in her father's heart, she would be his favorite once more -she thought marveling at the prospect of sitting next to him just like her sister, the Queen's favorite was sitting next to him now in the High table. How she yearned to be back next to her father, to share his love -she dreamed.

"What are you thinking?" Asked Philip intrigued as he saw the glint in her eyes when she diverged her gaze to her sister.

She turned to Philip the glint in her eyes gone by now as she made contact with his deep emerald orbs. "Nothing, I was just thinking of how we are going to call our son when he is born"

He gave her a wider grin than hers, and placing his hand on her belly he said: "I don't care if this is a boy or a girl, we have a son, it doesn't matter much Mary."

Mary mentally laughed at Philip's naivety, he was still too innocent and inexperienced in this Court despite his growing friendship with her father's councilor and the Archbishop, a friendship she still did not approve but she had not said anything since she realized no matter what she said her husband would still see them, and who was she according to his principles to defy or challenge him? Weren't women supposed to be submissive, to be mares whose only importance lay on their wombs? Mary had long since fought Philip's decision, she had found new ways to challenge him without having to utter a single word to him.  
Silence, as Sir Thomas Moore would once say, can be our greatest weapon, and it also came Mary's best way of overcoming her sadness when she had been alone at Hunsdson or having to bear the dreaded visits to Hever Castle where Katherine Howard would always be present.

"Of course but I feel it will be a boy" She ended up saying, and against her better judgment she leaned forward and let Philip kiss her again, this time she responded the kiss by imagining it was not his soft lips she was kissing but the rough and imperfect lips of another. And later after the celebration ended and they departed to their chambers, she imagined that the same lips she had imagined instead of Philip's belonging to that man that she vowed never to think of until now, that it was him sleeping next to her with his arms around her waist telling her "I love you"


	25. What I really am

**A/N:Thanks to all those who have reviewed I greatly appreciate it and thanks to Dani (SSLE) brainstorming with her has helped me a lot.  
**

**And the song for today "How you remind me" by Nickleback I suggest you hear it otherwise the effect will be lost.**

**kk, before I bore you I leave you with the chapter**

**~Carolina

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_"Never made it as a wise man  
couldn't cut it as a poor man steeling__  
tired of living like a blind man  
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling  
_

_And this is how you remind me__  
This is how you remind me of what I really am__  
this is how you remind me of what I really am  
__It's not like you to say sorry  
__I was waiting for a different sorry  
__I was waiting on a different story__  
This time I am mistake__n for handing you a heart worth breaking__  
And I have been wrong,__ I have been down into the bottom of every bottle.__  
These five words in my head: **Are we having fun yet?**  
It is not like you did not know that  
I said I love you and I swear I still do  
And I swear it must have been so bad  
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you  
And this is how you remind me of what I really am  
This is how you remind me of what I really am  
__It's not like you to say sorry  
__I was waiting for a different sorry  
__I was waiting on a different story__  
This time I am mistake__n for handing you a heart worth breaking__  
And I have been wrong,__ I have been down into the bottom of every bottle.__  
These five words in my head: **Are we having fun yet?  
**Never made as a wise man  
I couldn't cut it as a poor man's stealing  
And this is how you remind me ... this is how you remind me  
This is how you remind me of what I really am  
This is how you remind me of what I really am  
It is not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting for a different story  
This time I am mistake for handing you a heart worth breaking  
And I have been wrong, I have been down into the bottom of every bottle__  
These five words in my head: **Are we having fun yet?  
Are we having fun yet?**  
**Are we having fun yet?**  
**Are we having fun yet?"**  
_**~Nickleback -How you remind me

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**1542, September 13****th**

**Greenwich**

Mary screamed from the top of her lungs as she felt the baby coming, it had not been a hard pregnancy like her first son, she had been due in one week perhaps a little more but the baby eager to escape from his mother's womb had made her into labor soon.

Susan had handled the situation quite well, this birth was very different from the other where her lady had lasted more than half a day to give birth, this labor session turned out not to be so bad for her. Mary barely felt any pain.

Philip was with her, waiting outside their chamber for any news about her condition or the baby's. She knew that he cared more about the safety of this baby, she hated to say, she hated to admit it, but it was true, but Susan told her to think of that later, just one push –she told her "And you will can complain all you" she said.

"Ah" she gave one last push as the midwives told her, Elsa de Goya the only midwife she could trust, when she had said push she complied and she pushed as her life depended on it.

A baby's cries made Mary fall backwards her lied lying against her two soft pillows.

She couldn't, even if she wanted to, fall asleep. She had to know what was it, a boy, a girl?

"Esther!" she pressed the midwife to tell her.

The midwife whom she had bonded with since the deliver of her fast child walked to Mary and in clean blankets having cleaned up most of the baby's body she showed it to her.

"A boy" Esther said softly smiling as she watched her lady's face becoming a whirlpool of emotion, first shock, surprise, then dismay, shame remembering that this child, this boy was a product of sin but they soon vanished as she took her son from Esther and she began to play with him, holding his little fingers saying –"Hello, I am your mama" and he smiled wider, she heard that babies can't smile but he did, he was smiling just for her.

Giving him back to Esther who ordered the midwifes' to clean him up, Mary told Jane who was on the opposite side of the bed staring directly at Susan and Mary, to get Philip here and tell him the good news that she had delivered England another son.

By the time Philip came seconds later, her maids and midwives, where always changing the bloodstained bed sheets and replacing them with new, fresh and scented new ones. Mary was changed into a cleaner gown.

His joy evident he asked her too lazy to scan the room for himself "Where is he?" the first thing that came to mind, Mary thought reliving the past experience of her first pregnancy, Philip was paying close attention to the boy than her. Mary had done her duty, she had delivered what he and the rest of the men wanted, a male heir, a healthy male heir and that was the only thing, she realized again, that would ever get her recognition from her other peers.

She looked to Philip's direction. He had taken from Elsa's arms her son and he began to cradle him, grabbing his little fingers as her son raised his hand to touch his father's well trimmed bear making Philip chuckle at him even more.

Philip fell in love when he saw his son being cradled by his wife, he had leaned closer to see his little boy. He was almost an exact copy of his wife, his cheeks, his eyebrow, nearly everything from head to toe, except for his eyes and dark brown (almost black) hair he was the carbon copy of his wife.

"May I?" He asked. Soon he felt his son's delicate form on top of his hands. The baby squealed in completely excitement as it saw the smiling face of his father. This son, he thought with pride, he was flesh of his flesh, now his wife would become the most celebrated woman in all Christendom, her father would now treat her with respect, and they –they would be like Julius Cesar and Cleopatra uniting both England and Bavaria through their two heirs –especially through this little one. His eyes could not help but be captivated by those blue eyes of his, so different from his wife's and his. Where this little one had gotten such blue eyes that were as light blue as the day sky he had no idea, but he did not care. Soon as Philip had seen his son he realized great things would be expected from this child, who was already hungry for everyone's attention. Not for dependancy or a shoulder to cry on like his other son little Philip, Henry craved the attention because he wanted to laughed with others, he did not want approval he wanted others to want his approval.

"What will you name him?" Philip asked her.

Mary raised an eyebrow. Was Philip actually considering her opinion for once in naming her son? He was not going to intervene?

No, she thoguht, it sounded to good to be true.

However Philip, sensing her thoughts spoke right away reassurig Mary, "I would be glad if you name him. Give him a strong name"

She went into dep thought, her son did deserve a strong name, he had a long road of him having to endure the stigma of his parents' sin. He would never know though, until the day she dies she would take the secret to his grave.

Philip was beaming with pride and joy, his son, proud and healthy -it was all that mattered now, England how lucky England would be if only Henry had been his first son, it would have had a more strong and healtheir heir, but alas as it was Henry had the misfortune of being born a little more than a year after his sickly brother. Unlike Philip he would not enjoy the best tutors or be lavished with gifts, Henry would always be a reminder though that he and Mary had succeeded where the King had many times failed. Bringing England a healthy and strong heir.

Mary smiled at the scene of her husband and his "son" complimenting each other throguh their smiles.

"He is going to be a warrior. He can't stand one minute now if I don't look him, he barely cries Mary just like you he is strong" Philip mentioned turning back to look at his son.

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**September 16****th**

**Greenwich**

Three days later at the baptizing ceremony, one that Mary had not agreed since she thought it was a Heretic and invalid ceremony in her opinion, but in the end like last time she had no say in the matter, Chapuys was forced to attend, at first he thought of a million ways to make excuses but he knew that he had to be there to report, the Imperial presence at every English social event was important, especially one as important as this one.

He didn't want to see Marillac, but he preferred to be closer to his enemy, feed on his envy and rage for Eustace than not to be here and let Marillac have the upper hand, giving France the advantage as well over the Empire.

He tried pushing every feeling he might feel like attachment for a baby he does not even know yet, but as he hears the baby's soft giggles a hole is formed in his chest and he finds himself clutching his cane tighter.

The Herald after the Christening ceremony had ended, cried to make way for the Lord Henry, the King's grandson he announced a title given immediately by His Majesty after he declared him The King's grandson. It was a title that marked the boy's significance. The people of His Majesty clapped their hands in approval as the boy's new title that had been bestowed by their monarch, was shouted by the Herald.

He felt a pang of guilt watching how the Princess carried on that heavy burden, he wanted to leave yet his curiosity did not let him to and his master –he remembered- told him to stay until the very end unless his gout was too much for him to bear. He knew what Charles meant, he did not care about his leg but he knew that in any case Eustace would admit his ability to overcome the pain in his leg, the pity he had shown Chapuys in his letter would make him ignore all the pain and overcome all obstacles.

He saw how the Princess walked with such grace, still holding in her arms the ecstatic infant with her husband next to her to Their Majesties direction. She behaved with extreme wisdom as she bowed her head in respect for the Queen.

She showed no longer any signs of hatred or regret for what the Queen was, where she came from or what had she done to remove two of her former maids from her service.

His lady behaved with such wisdom and had regained such composure that she gave the allusion that she was Katherine of Aragon in the flesh facing her enemies without any fear.

The air had changed since the birth of her son. Now the entire Court had reason to celebrate every day for England was no safe, it had three heirs, two whom were healthy but whom they remained positive that the Lord would grant them long life and prosperity in their respective rules, and the third whom was all the opposite –ironic –he considered, coming from a man like him who was old and afflicted with gout, in contrast to young Philip, the boy's older half brother who was weak and very pale and unlike Lord Henry's _real father_, Philip had come from a very healthy and young man.

He works in mysterious ways the back of his mind said.

Indeed he could not help but to reply to the voice of his subconscious.

When the Princess

Chapuys moved past the crowds, the sounds of approval and clapping was becoming too deafening for his ears, and then the baby's laughter it was like another dagger had been plunged into his heart leaving him feeling numb. He had to get out of there, the Princess he was sure, the boy's mother saw him and she would try to go to his side before he successfully made his leave,

When he reached his bedchamber he lied against his back, his gaze staring off into space. He seemed to see past the ceiling into the night sky. A bad omen he realized, the skies had turned dark for the time of the Princess' son baptizing … his son a dark voice told him.

No –he shouted back at it. He was not his son, he had no son, Philip of Bavaria had a son, this was his second son who had just elevated him higher than any other man on England.

He turned quickly to give another look at the boy. The baby was still smiling and his father was returning his smiles. Lord Henry –as the child would be known from now on- blue eyes looked at his father with approval, he had already bonded with him, Eustace was just prolonging his suffering, he decided to walk away back to his bedchamber where he hoped to find some peace.

Chapuys did not want to think if this was God's way of showing his anger at the child's parent.

No –you must not think of it anymore Eustace. He kept telling himself he had done the right thing as she, ignoring the child's parentage and choosing to believe a lie however unlike the woman whose warmth he still felt on his chest –in exact spot where he still kept the dagger an allegory to remind him of all the pain he had endured for her- he realized of the pain and anguish he was causing himself by not leaving the memory of _that boy_ when he had gazed as his father (the Duke –he thought disdainfully) welcoming his _father's_ smiles.

He should have remembered how the first of Mary's boys had smiled at him, the real Duke of Bavaria's son had refused to see his real father responding only to his mother, his step grandmother and to Eustace. That had set Philip off no doubt, to have his sole son, his only son so far becoming attached to his sworn enemy. Philip called him the scorn of all scorn, coming from him Chapuys was not sure whether he should feel flattered or annoyed that it was a boy who was causing Eustace this pain in his chest that made it worse as he remember the little boy's eyes. They were light blue as his mother's the same eyes **he** bore.

When he had left the Christening he had heard the babe laugh harder as the other gathered around him. Finally, she must thought, the Duchess. She had given the son and heir that England had always wanted –healthy, strong, robust, and rosy chubby cheeks. Now England had three possible heirs, Edward, Philip and … Henry.

If either of the first two died, Henry would be the one left to step in his relatives dead shoes' so to speak, he would be come King Henry IX, he would make everyone, especially his grandfather very proud, a true Tudor but most of all he would continue on with his father's policies and he would continue on with the Reform.

Chapuys feared that prospect, he found himself praying what he never thought he would ask of God before, to give the silly young Queen a child, a male boy so there would be no question of the child's legitimacy so the Queen would live and she would become an anointed Queen like the Concubine his cousin Anne Boleyn, so her son Lord Henry would never have the need to take up the crown and continue on with his father's work, for he feared that if Henry ever took the crown he would become the man his grandfather was now, cruel and insensitive with no regard for human life.

He was not the sort of man to believe in miracle yet he was praying today for one. Everything to this point would be better than to see a bastard on the Crown England –his bastard.

So much damage had already been done, he didn't need to bear anymore guilt looking at his offspring's eyes. Eustace soon arrived in his bedchamber clearing his bed of all the bed sheets, he had retired everyone, including Fleming. It had cost him a lot of patience to stand for Fleming's "articulated" speech when he explained what was the real reason behind his anger.

_"Thanks Fleming for worrying about me, your altruism keeps surprising me as your naivety"_

_"You mean my sympathy for your situation"_

Fleming had crossed the line there, he had seen it and before Eustace could scold him he heard Fleming covering his mouth laughing discreetly at the pain and shock in his eyes. Had the world gone mad then? He had thought when he heard Fleming speak how it was very easy even for a blind man to read Eustace just by the sudden shifts in his voice, then he went on to mention his sympathy how he was completely wrong about his altruism -_"Altruism would be me in the Duchess of Bavaria's company going to give charity to those poor souls in the slums of London, but oh that is right I can't, no man can't because it is now her husband who does the job for her and for you"_ He wanted to slap Fleming, who was he to say these things?

Cynic -he had mentally shouted saying daggers when he glared at his butler.

Were you so different when you were young? A voice in the back of my mind had asked him after I practically had to push Fleming out of the room and tell him not to come back until he had the good sense of finding out what privacy meant!

What I was really that different when I was young, much younger than Fleming maybe thirty years younger than that man? Fleming was slightly older than me, you would think that with age came wisdom.  
I told myself that I was different, that I was cold, a true cynic at heart but I know that is not true, I am only lying to myself. There have always been those I had been willing to risk my life and my position for. The first was during my second time in the English Court when I had come to replace Don Mendoza, my former colleague. When I had found out what was going to happen to the poor Queen and her daughter, I had rushed to their aide, I had pleaded with the King, I was this close to being on my knees when I practically was asking him for mercy for the Queen to see her sick daughter, to tend her and give her love and comfort. My pleas were mildly answered. The King had sent his physicians to treat her, thankfully the Princess had been alright, but the Queen was never to see her daughter after she had refused to accept that her marriage was invalid before the eyes of God and the King's new church.  
I had risked myself further when I had plotted to Brereton more outrageous ways to get ride of the whote, he had failed of course and I had learned not to be too reliable on rich fanatic fools like him.  
There was always something, an ideal, a job -simple or not- mission that he always felt it was felt he valued as sacred to fulfill. His late friend Erasmus -with the Archbishop of Canterbury's death, Warham a man he reflected upon, had been a true church men and not the lap dog of the heretics like Cranmer, Erasmus had been close to becoming penniless, his secretary and I did a lot to avoid that.

I helped him -Eustace says to himself- constantly sending him money. asking for his health, never missing to respond a letter for him, in the end though he could never protect the people he worried for from the ultimate obstacle -death.

Death was his worst enemy, and yet his close ally. It followed him everywhere, he could it feel it now her strong and cold presence whispering in his ear how he was closer in her grasp now. The son -it taunted- that the Princess bore, would be his ultimate downfall and this time death continued to taunt him, there would be nothing he could do to escape from her clutches.

* * *

She didn't want to see him go, but it was his decision and there was nothing she could about it. Besides this was her son's day, she would not let anything ruin it.

"I have done it" She said to herself as Philip passed her son to her. Her son was a little hesitant at first but soon he grew calmer as he saw his mother's dark gray orbs staring back at him, how different he was from his older brother, they were only a year apart and yet they were so different.

For one her little Philip was more dependant he constantly needed human touch, while Henry he seemed to do fine without her, yet he loved and craved the attention, he was going to grow up to be like her grandfather she realized, craving everyone's attention and surrounding himself by the most beautiful women and people in England.

Such thought brought shivers down her spine, if anything she would make sure this child would not grow as spoiled as Philip, a second son and of less importance than Philip she could take him under her wing, she could choose his tutors and she could take it as her life's mission that he would grow up to be a fine Catholic Prince, the king of Prince she hoped that in the worst of cases, God forbid –but she had to be prepared, her father after all was a second son, and Edward as her first born did not enjoy the best health- should he become King of England he could return England to the true church.

Yes this baby was hers, and nobody would take him away from her.

She heard Kitty's voice, asking for her son to hold him in her arms, Mary was ready to tell her an outright no, but she remembered her life's lessons, is better to fight through silent rebellion than to engage in verbal conflict.

She was tired of conflict, her firstborn's delivery had taken a toll on her physically as spiritually, her second pregnancy hadn't been as hard, the delivery had been quick and there had been little contractions, but she didn't want to stress herself just in case it could still be dangerous to her, as Susan reminded her earlier (she being the proud mother of two children like Mary, and having had experience delivering other babies, Mary knew better than to contradict her) it could still be dangerous for her health.

Mary let her son be taken by Katherine Howard. Her son loved being in the Queen's arms much to Mary's dismay, it was the second time the Queen had stolen attention from her offspring however unlike Philip who had returned the Queens' smiles, Henry began to cry in the Queen's arms.

Mary felt satisfaction as she saw the rejection in the Queen's eyes, poor Kitty Howard the back of her mind said, she had felt humiliated, a child had beat her where his mother never could drawing negative attention from the rest of the Court present at the Christening.

So the child was returned to Mary's arms. This day Mary found was getting better and better.

After the Christening had ended the child had fallen asleep in her arms fast after everyone returned to their respective Quarters, since he was only a second son his importance was not as much as his elder brother, but Mary didn't care the child had rejected Kitty Howard, she had humiliated and drawn negative attention toward her from all her father's Courtiers present at the ceremony, and then the Archbishop Cranmer, it was the only thing Mary regretted that her son had not rejected that Heretic, but instead he had welcomed the Archbishop of Canterbury with open arms stretching out to him as if he was God when the Archbishop had pour at the baby's head at the start of the ceremony the Holy Waters baptizing him in English, something Mary dreaded.

She had wished Bishop Gardiner would have conducted the ceremony, she had even told Philip he would have been a better choice, but Philip said that that would be impossible, her father would never allow it and besides, he had added –Archbishop Cranmer was practically family, something that made Mary's stomach turned upside down in disgust. How could Philip be so naïve as to think Cranmer or that Satanic man Cromwell were on their side? Cranmer was on the side of everyone as long as they swore loyalty to his demonic Church, he was a fanatic and he bore no resentment when the King would sent innocent people, her people –Catholic, Mary reflected- to the stake to burn. And Cromwell –she didn't want to think about Cromwell, the man was a greater opportunist than any other politician, he had been the one responsible besides the late whore Anne Boleyn to influence his father to break away from his faith, to declare himself Head of the Church and on top of all he had been responsible for bastardizing her and her mother's humiliation when she had been forced to live and die at a castle not fitting for a Queen, not even for a Princess Dowager, the title she was forced to bear in the last three years of her poor life.

She hated that man, and she told Philip this a thousand times however Philip was too naïve, and easily swayed by older and more cunning, sly men like Cromwell.

He would see, she thought, when the time comes she would see past Cromwell's deception, she only hoped -as she and Philip retired all of their servants from their chambers and he being the first one to undress to put on more comfortable clothing, she following later after she settled her son in the crib next to his parents' bed- that Philip would see past Cranmer's mask as well that he was only using him and the lands he was to inherit from his dead relatives, all of whom were declared Heretics.

Just as her son finally closed her eyes Mary began to undress as well. Unlike other Royal couples Mary and Philip never asked their servants to undress them, they undressed themselves, because she had always said to Susan they were man and wife and they wanted to be intimate as possible, and with servants coming and going to dress them it would take that effect away.

"Mary" Philip asked after his wife had settled next to him on their bed.

"Yes?" She asked turning to Philip.

"You were very quiet today in the Christening, and when the Archbishop had baptized our Henry I saw your disapproval" Philips said softly. He had to remind her that Cranmer was his ally and by that extension he was also hers, he was taking care of their heir's household and he would soon take care of Henry's, it was still ridiculous –Philip considered- that Mary showed that insolent behavior toward him. She knew better than to defy her father's men, everyone knew what happened to those who defied Cromwell.

"It is nothing" she said

Philip shook his head, no it was nothing, he didn't want her to avoid the question this time, "Mary" he said "why is it so hard for us to talk about this? Please" his eyes pleaded bearing deeply into her dark gray orbs penetrating through the once solid layer that Eustace Chapuys had made thinner and easier for others to see into the darkest corners, into the depth of her soul. "when are we going to be honest with each other?"

"I said it is nothing Philip, now let us sleep I am very tired, please I beg of you" Now it was her turn to look at him pleadingly, he however would not let the matter drop.

He grabbed her shoulder turned her to his side, his eyes had shifted now becoming more demanding. "Mary it will do us no good if you keep up with this."

"I don't trust Cromwell"

"And what makes you think I trust him? I don't trust anybody except for you maybe, but if we want to be in your father's good graces we have to stick together and give our respects to him. You know what they say about him -defying him is like defying the King himself" He emphasized. "You of all people know what he is capable of, what your father is capable of"

Mary opened her mouth to answer but quickly closed it, pressing her lips together she restrained herself. There was some logic in his argument, however she couldn't find herself agreeing with it, that would be like asking the sun not to rise or the moon not to be full tonight. Cromwell had destroyed her life, but as Philip went on to mention while she remained silent -he had also been responsible for her survival.

Yes that was true, but did Philip know that she had to submit to his every absurd request, that she had little freedom while she always wrote to him as her "dear and most loyal friend". She doubted Philip was even beginning to scratch the surface of what she had really gone through after Jane Seymour's death, and during the time she was left alone with an incompetent Ambassador, Maioris who did little for her except greet her and make empty promises. This was during the time that Chapuys had been away, but she couldn't mention that for she knew how jealous and angry Philip could get when she mentioned him so she chose in the end to do what any good wife does when she is given a sermon by her loving husband -she nodded and told him that she would do her best -from now on- to give the Master Secretary, the Archbishop, and the Queen as well as all who were just as influential, to show her respect to them. She silently cursed herself for it.

Philip smiled after his wife gave in. She was learning, her rebellious spirit had finally been put to rest.

"I am so happy, this is the best for all of us, you will see" He said softly going to kiss her lips however Mary did not return the kiss, she feigned exhaustion and closed her eyes pretending to be asleep.

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

**I** was not sure how long it had passed since the storm had ended. I still kept staring off into space looking at nothing in particular my eyes at the ceiling. Somewhere above God was looking at me disapprovingly, and my mother, tha

Yes, surely God must listen now and realize my mistake; he must realize that I repent from all my sins especially siring that boy, if I could take it all back I would. I would go back and refuse to kiss her, I would push her away like a demon I would exorcise her from my heart.

I would throw her from my head, I would let it all go, I would gladly pull her from my heart, from my body and soul that she had used only to her advantage, I now understand better why was it she wanted a son so badly, why was it so easy to kiss her, to take her in my arms and find so little resistance coming from her. She had wanted me to take her, she had wanted me to give her the gift of life that Philip could not. She wanted to be the happiest and luckiest (if there ever was such a thing –I thought wryly) in Christendom.

She wanted to be admired, celebrated and respected and she has finally gain that –through her fool "Eustace Chapuys" I whisper softly closing my eyes to sleep and I can only see that little boy's eyes, it had been like he was looking at himself through a mirror through those light blue eyes, they reminded me so much of the crystal lakes of my birth place in Annency and the thought of Annency alone clears my mind of all doubts and worries

* * *

**1542, October 30****th**

**Whitehall: French Embassy**

Marillac received a letter from Francois I, France's most illustrious monarch by the grace of God, the divine light of France, he was not as ill tempered as his counterpart the King of England, but provoke him and he could be just as terrible.

Francois was writing to Marillac urging him to stop the Imperial Ambassador's marriage proposal at all costs, where his instructions. Marillac was not sure how to respond to his King, for one he had to worry about pleasing a man whom he was never sure what his actions would be next, and now he also had to worry about a man who if he did not succeed with this marriage proposal it would be the end of his career as France's Ambassador in England.

There was also another factor that he had not told anyone, not even his informant, and it had constantly bothered him that he had not been able to solve the mystery of the nature of the relationship between the Imperial Ambassador and the Duchess, Princess mary.

Marillac had paid close attention to the both of them, his informant had said nothing suspicious had happened in her Mistress' quarters, she would spend more and more time with her son and her husband, but –the informant had told him- she had noticed something strange and that was that the Princess would spend an awful time in secret with her two best ladies, Susan Clarencieux and Jane Dormer.

That was nothing strange in Marillac's opinion, Mistress Clarencieux and Dormer were known to be her two most trusted ladies in waiting, and Mistress Clarencieux was her Chief Lady In Waiting –it was only natural that they spend time together alone when her husband was not around.

But, her informant had shook her head vigorously, anxious to tell her what she had discovered next, it was a secret she said, one that could benefit him and his Master and overthrow Chapuys once and for all.

Everyone knew Mary Tudor favored and Imperial Alliance, she wanted her son to have an Austrian bride, a Hapsburg Princess or one of Charles many daughters. Marillac had to stop at all costs that alliance, he had to rely on his informant to do that, Mistress Tatou one of the Duchess closest ladies in waiting, she was not as close as to the Duchess as Marillac would have wanted, but given the Princess' husband's growing friendship with the Queen of England, perhaps Marillac could use the Queen's favor –like her cousin she favored a French Alliance- to influence the young Duke so he would convince his wife that it was in the best interest of everyone a French alliance with one of the Guises girl, than with an Imperial Princess.

Marillac got to work and he went as usual like all Tuesdays to meet with his informant. The young half French, young English lady in waiting was waiting for him outside of his chambers, he retired all of his servant and let her inside his study.

The King of France had wrote to him that he was to use whatever resources were available in England to diminish the Imperial Ambassador's influence in the English Court and secure a French alliance through the betrothal of the Duke of Guise's daughter,Catherine of Guise and the Duchess' firstborn Lord Philip, this would also ensure a close alliance between Scotland and England finally putting their centuries old feud to rest and when all would be said and done, Marillac would enjoy seeing the Empire's influence being crushed and Eustace Chapuys on the first ship back to Annency.

* * *

"_Quo usque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra? (To what length will you abuse our patience Catiline?"_** ~Cicero**_

* * *

  
_

**(Eustace POV)**

I knew Marillac was up to something, I could feel it. Sniveling, little coward he could not hold one conversation with me without mocking me about my gout and my age. He thought I did not know that I was getting old and that I was becoming (physically for mentally there was still much my brain had to give yet) weaker. He regarded me as a cripple, everyone in the English Court did, especially the high circles of young ladies that surrounded Katherine Howard. They all favored French Alliance, and the Queen was influencing on His Majesty to listen to Marillac more about the French proposal of marriage for his son and his grandson.

I had stop Marillac's growing influence at all costs, and for that I knew I would have to face (something I dreaded) the Princess again.

I did not want to, but I could not avoid her presence any longer. Letters could be open and I was certain that there was a spy among her ladies who was reporting to Marillac on our correspondence, otherwise why would Marillac act so quickly to convince the King to rebuke the Emperor's proposal for an alliance? Nobody knew about it except the inner circles of the King and the Princess' most trusted ladies.

That narrowed it down to four people in Mary's Household, Jane Dormer, Susan Clarencieuox, Claire Brophy and Sophie Tatou.

It didn't take a genius to connect the dots. The latter Mistress Tatou was the daughter of a French merchant who descended from the low nobility and her mother had been an English commoner. She had been very loyal to the Princess since she had been placed in her household. There had been no reason to suspect of her until now.

I needed to see her now, it could not wait and so I told Fleming to retire the rest of my servants, I know that they have been very lazy since I have been often found myself retiring them, sometimes for reasons unknown to me when I felt I had to think –when I would start writing letters to the Princess that my butler Fleming would give to Susan and she in turn to the Princess- other times honestly I just did not want to see anyone, not even Fleming, but the latter was almost impossible to retire.

Fleming would follow me everywhere, insufferable man but I found myself needing his advise often, especially because he had learn well from me, he had become as sly and cunning like me and I was (obviously) proud of my pupil.

We reached the Princess rooms, it was morning, everyone was either out for a hunt, among those I knew the Duke of Bavaria included (God be praised) and the King was somewhere in his chambers being cured.

I cannot help but shiver at whoever is the poor woman or Physician taking care of His Majesty, how Kitty Howard has managed to stay chaste (that I know of) this long eludes me. How could any woman bed that man? The thought alone sounded preposterous as the King's intention to impregnate his young wife. Despite her alleged fertility, the King would not get her or any other woman for that matter with child.

He should give up already, face the facts.

The King was impotent –fact.

He thought he could produce more children, healthier and stronger than his eldest daughter whom he still considered a bastard (in spite her efforts especially in the last child that had been conceived through sin, to win her father's favor bringing him two heirs to his Crown to succeed his sickly and only son) Mary Tudor and than his Golden Prince Edward whom everyone was sure would not live past his sixteenth birthday.

I raised my hand against the door and knocked several times, I was instantly answered by no other than the youngest Lady In Waiting Sophie Tatou.

Just what I needed, Marillac's spy to report back to him –I thought and adding more to my bad luck I hear the Princess voice as she emerges from her bed chamber her majestic blue gown and tiara adorned with diamonds, pearls and other precious gemstones. I cannot help but be mesmerized by her glamour but I quickly control myself to avoid showing emotion.

"Milady" I say without her permission I move past her youngest maiden, Fleming I hear locks the door behind him.

There is much that I want to tell her now, but I cannot find the words and I just stay there staring at her in great awe.

The way she walks it gives the illusion she is gliding. She turns to Sophie and tells her to leave her for the rest of the night and to tell Susan and Jane in case they ask for her that she will not be disturbed.

Mistress Tatou obeys, I do not see her expression but I know she is glaring at me, I can feel it but I don't mind, I know where she is going and I want her to report to Marillac, because I want Charles de Marillac to think he has the upper hand, to underestimate me more. There is nothing greater that my enemies do that, consider me weak and defeated old man, it gives me strength and it makes them vulnerable for when I strike directing all my anger, hate and frustration at them.

She beckoned me to sit, I did so in a cushioned chair that was in front of the sofa she sat on. She looks up left to me, and I realize Fleming is still there, I quickly dismiss him, he does not mind but I can see him rolling up his eyes, I would remember to talk to him about his behavior next time.

I leave no time for formalities, I come on an urgent mission and I would not let pleasantries or my emotion distract me from my duty to the Empire.

So I quickly ask her when I begin to notice how her lips move "How long have you known Mistress Tatou" I am harsh I know, but I will not waste any time, she must know the kind of people she has in her midst.

Her eyebrows perk up and then they begin to narrow, she knows where I am getting at.

I continue to speak silencing her once more before she can utter a single word.  
"Madame" My tone turns deathly serious as my expression. "if you continue to have Mistress Tatou in your service it will only increase His Excellency Marillac's chances to convince your father and possibly you through his spy to opt for a French betrothal for his son and your son"

She does not say anything, but I can see the dismay by the look she gives me, yet I continue, "The Emperor your ally will go to war, maybe not now but I can assure you milady very soon against France, it is no secret King Francis supports the Emperor's enemies and that he will remain more loyal to the infidels then to his own Church"

Mary nodded, she was not the naive little girl who needed vast explanation no more.

"So do you expect me to go against my husband's wishes, if the Emperor requests me to stay on alert for spies in my Household I would gladly comply for I know there are more even that you and me might not know about. But if you pretend that I have to work behind my husband's hand"she felt a strange presence behind her, soon however it left. "then you are gravely mistaken."

"Madame consider that the French Ambassador arrived to your father before your husband, with the proposal of marriage between one of the Guises one of the oldest families in France, the Guise family they do not just want the throne of France and Scotland, understand they also want England, and if your husband is easily swayed by that weasel Marillac then you will be breaking years of English tradition bringing Scotland as an ally. Your mother knew the dangers of Scotland, why do you think she was always weary of them?"

"Excellency!" She exclaimed, surprised at the way he had spoken. It was no secret that I and Marillac had a rivalry, but what was propelling me to speak of him in that way? she was probably wondering, I had no idea myself but I could not control myself, she had to know the risks of such alliance Marillac was proposing, and that I feared her husband might be easily convinced if the Queen spoke in favor of this alliance.

I was being unprofessional but I did not care, I had to go on as she began to mouth her disgust at my apparent jealousy for Marillac.

"Jealousy?" I exclaim "It is more than jealousy I am being cautious, I am playing devil's advocate here, I have no gain in counseling you now, I am already on deep trouble if the Emperor or Mary of Hungary were to know that I am intervening. If you accept that proposal there will be nothing I can do, the Emperor will stop giving you your support. For the love of God everyone can see that you are becoming too submissive to the Duke, even the Duke of Suffolk sees that, even he knows that such alliance is dangerous and he has voiced it to me"

She tilted her head at the mention of the Duke Duke of Suffolk. He was one of the few people who had never lost faith on her or his mother nor in her she had nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for him, having survived so long in her father's Court and above all have to see great women like Katherine of Aragon fall and like Jane Seymour fall. It must have been too hard on him, and especially for his wife Catherine Willoughby who was her mother's best friend's daughter.

I had hit a nerve with that one but I had to use what I could to make her see reason, to agree with me that this was all a bad idea, and the closer she kept that half french girl in her service she could expect Marillac getting more involved in her life. I had always suspected of Mistress Tatou, always. But I never voiced my dislikes for her, even if my facial expression always made it apparent that I did not like or trust her.  
I sometimes marvel at how naive the Princess can be, how naive Mary can be. She believes in a world that will never exist, where there can only be men and women of good will and she can return England back to the papacy.

That -I add a mental smirk- is just another one of her many illusions, that I now blame myself for encouraging it.

"Mary" This is the end of all control, I call her by a first name basis attempting to reach her after her gaze is diverted from mine "The Emperor has rendered you support -"

"To make me his puppet!"

"to help you bring the faith in England and to validate your claim to the throne!"

She shakes her head, I do not get to finish my argument as she cuts me off again. "I can't go on like this pretending that you don't want me to make England the colony of some other Country. I will not let England become a puppet to the Empire, my mother Excellency respected you and I respect you-" she did not realize her mistake, I did however as she did not use past tense when she talked about the respect she still has for me. She goes on ignoring my widened eyes "but even she told me to remember that I was Queen and I should not bow before anyone else except for my husband"

Her eyes are blazing with fire as they bare unto mine.

"And you are doing that perfectly" I spat.

"You have no right!"

"I do Madame! I do because you are wrong the Emperor may not give a damn about you but I do. It has been me who begged me and who hired Brereton kill the concubine ..." -I realize that if they hear us they will arrest me for treason, but let them do it, it doesn't matter anymore, I only care about her safety, and if this is the end of my influence over her then I want her to know everything that I did and sacrificed so she could be safe from all those that wanted or wished her harm.

I never saw her as an object, I may have in the beginning, she was just another assignment but later on I came to saw her as something more than a number, something that I was obliged by the Emperor to protect, she became my personal mission and her safety, her happiness became my obsession.

"he shall be King your son and he will be put above you, before I die I know I will never see a Catholic in England sigh in relief. Your husband will continue on with your father's policies, Philip of Bavaria naive as he is, he is not a fool. He knows he risks too much to lose if he permits you to return the Country to the old ways. Madame please start thinking -Marillac is using you through Sophie, and so are the rest, you have become a puppet!"

"You are out of order if I was Queen I would never allow you-"

"If you were Queen you wouldn't live past the first day in a Country full of heretics!"

She shakes her head violently and attempts to walk past me, but I stop her. With all the pain I feel in my heart and in my leg I muster the strength to grab her and pull her close to me. I don't know what possesses me but once I realize we are only less than an inch apart from each other, I cannot resist it anymore and I kiss her.

She reminded me of what I really was, an opportunist, cold, sly all the things that I have heard before from my rivals but never from her mouth did. The way she had said them hurt me deeply but I cannot help but suppress my emotion of hate and anger for her, as her lips now moving against mine I never expected that I would abandon all reason for another.

There have been others, countless others. I could never last one day resisting the devil's temptation from the opposite sex. I took my Holy Orders because I knew I could not live with myself, maybe it was before I came to England that I realized I could never be a celibate man, that I would be nothing more than corrupt and decadent bishops of the Catholic Church that I had sworn to defend. The reason -I had lain with a woman, not just one but many before her, all women whom I had loved, whom I had cared for, whom I had been careful not to leave them pregnant.

I thought it would have been easy, to make the forbidden not forbidden I thought it would take care of my temptation -I realize now as her hands go to my neck that I was wrong. I could resist women, but not here, she was so different than the others, she was forbidden but it went past that, the taste of her lips, her tongue going inside my mouth ensuing a battle of our tongues, her scent and the way her hands felt when they were on my neck made her more irresistible.

It is impossible to know how long we kissed but when I begin to sense a warm hand underneath my double slipping inside my chemise touching my chest I regain my common sense of what we are doing and abruptly I end it before this goes out of control.

I do not realize the hurt and rejection in her eyes as I turn to leave but her hand grabs my arm and stops me pulling me closer to her.

First we refuse to speak to each other, she insults me calls me an opportunist, and now she wants me back? No -it is time she learns that I am no one's puppet to use and later to dispose.

"Madame" I begin my voice steadily as I gently pull away from her grasp. "Much as I want you by my side ..." I take a deep breath, before I say the next words that will haunt me forever. But I must do it -I must -I repeat to myself more determined now -for her and for me. "I cannot accept this"

It will make no difference, if she comes to me now and begs me to stay, I cannot. If her husband were to find us, he would report us to the King, or at least me accusing me of violating the King's jewel. She would be condemned as I would if Philip were to even suspect that his son Henry is not really his. I could not stand watching her die and knowing that I was the cause of it.

I can feel myself thinking with clarity as this last thought enters my mind, it leaves my mind open for reason and logic, they overpower me overshadowing my feelings for her, and I feel that I am making the right decision by pushing her away.

"I am sorry" I should have just said it was necessary, but something in me, the part that was still in love in her made me voice my regrets. And it becomes more evident now that I feel for her as she feels for me, but we understand that we cannot risk our positions by kissing in a place like this.

"No I am." She says solemnly dropping her gaze to the floor.

I feel then the urge return to grab her and take her then in my arms to console her. But I let that impulse pass.

She looks up to me one last time "Will you come back?" she asks.

"Anything is possible Madame" -I speak the truth, anything is possible now that me and Marillac are competing to see whose marriage proposal wins earning our respective masters and alliance with England.

She did not say nothing, and I did not stay to wait until she would speak. I left her rooms and walked back to my chambers feeling the dagger she had driven that was the cause of my heartache finally disappear. I had never felt more at peace with myself. Maybe the Princess' presence was no longer a cause for me to regret after all.

* * *

**A/N: Be truthful, like it hate it, give me your feedback.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***Recently I have read along with Dani (SSLE) the first the Humanist Ambassador by my account in JSTOR through my university, in there it goes into detail of Chapuys' life, though it is relatively short and very summarized, it gives good information about Chapuys' roots and his mother's backgrounds. He was not a complete commoner, in fact his mother belonged to the old nobility of Savoy. The article goes further to mention of Chapuys' later life after 1545 when he left England, and yes here we see the mention of his son.**

*Now as for his son, I learned this three days ago on Tuesday and I was rather surprised when I read it, but the problem with this is not only do we feel jealous for who is the woman who bedded Eustace? (*can you tell I am jealous?*) But we don't know anything about the woman, the son's name, how old was he, in Contemporaries of Erasmus he is referred as a young man who died in 1549, but nothing more. Then on the Humanist Ambassador he is mentioned in only one sentence, and the author does not specify any more on the boy's name or his age. He had to be either a teen or a kid by the time he died, so he had to be conceived around 1545 in Annency or 1539-1540 the time of absence of Chapuys when he left England.

*The third article is by Richard Lundell (which I thank Dani for sending me) titled "The mask of dissimulation: Eustace Chapuys and Early Modern Diplomatic Technique: 1536-1545" though those who want to find out more about his relation with Mary, you are not going to find it here, as the title suggest this talks more about Chapuys' political skills and his importance in overcoming Marillac, and overall how important he was in English and Imperial relations. However this article at the beginning does mention Mary Tudor briefly, I just want to point out that all of these and the fact of his illegitimate son leaves us with more questions than answers that if you don't want to read this, fine don't read it and skip this and review, however if you want to write a fic with Chapuys as the central character I think you should consider these elements. For this fic his illegitimate son is in fact "Lord Henry" so the woman is Mary.  
Lundell's dissertation gave me also information to me about Marillac, the correspondence he received with Francis I to press for a French alliance and a french betrothal between the Lady Mary and the Duke of Orleans Charles Valois, for this fic I modified it by having Marillac propose Francis Duke of Guise's daughter Catherine instead.  
Since this is AU, Francis (Marie of Guise's-mother of Mary Queen of Scotland- brother) was born in 1536 and his daughter Catherine was not born until 1552 and did not live long, I am changing their birth dates. Francis is born 1520, and Catherine is born 1540, making her an eligible bride for Philip.

**That being said one more thing: REVIEW!**

**Is how this baby is kept alive**

**~Carolina  
**


	26. Taking a leap forward

**Disclaimer: I do not own God if I did I would own history and if I owned history then I would be Goddess Supreme since I am not fanfiction is all I have left.**

**A/N: Hey guys thanks to all of you who have reviewed. I know for some it has been a long wait, I will probably update tuesday or wednesday, not yet sure, the song for today is Donde Iran by La Quinta Estacion. I really recommend that song otherwise the feeling is lost.**

**Here you go and enjoy**

**kk,**

**~Carolina**

* * *

"_Cierra los ojos __**(Close your eyes)  
**__Cura la herida __**(Heal the wound)  
**__Y busca las cosas que te unen a mi vida __**(And look for the things that unite you to me)  
**__Descubriras que la distancia puso tierra entre tu y yo__** (You will discover that the distance set barriers between you and me)  
**__Lloro las noches con tu sonrisa__** (I cry at night for your smile)  
**__Buscas tu vida en forma de alegria __**(You search for joy in your life)  
**__El tiempo pasa __**(Time passes)  
**__y nuestro sueno cada dia es mas real __**(and our dream each time is more real)  
**__Silencions por escuchar__** (Silence reigns)  
**__Canciones que me llenan __**(Songs that fill me up)  
**__Donde iran?__**(Where will they go?)**_

_Las Viejas metas donde iran?__** (Where will our old dreams go?)  
**__Las ilusiones donde iran?__**(Where will our illusions go?)  
**__Donde iran?__** (Where will they go?)  
**__Donde iran?__**(Where will they go?)  
**__Las Viejas metas donde iran?__**(Where will our old dreams go?)  
**__Las ilusiones donde iran?__**(Where will our illusions go?)  
**__Donde iran?__**(Where will they go?)  
**__Donde iran?__**(Where will they go?)**_

_Cruza a el abismo __**(Cross the abyss)  
**__Salta sin miedo __**(Jump without fear)  
**__Sabes que no me voy a ir de tu lado __**(You know that I am not going anywhere)  
**__Tu me sigues donde vaya __**(You follow me where I go)  
**__Y quiero sentirs tus manos __**(And I want to feel your hands)  
**__Que escriben alabras duras __**(that write strong words)  
**__Echas a golpes de un alma pura __**(forged by a pure soul)  
**__El dia pasa y nuestro sueno cada dia es mas real __**(the days go on and our dream becomes more real)  
**__Verdades por pelear __**(Truths to fight for)  
**__Canciones que me llenan __**(Songs that fill me up)  
**__Donde iran?__**(Where will they go)**_

_Las Viejas metas donde iran?__** (Where will our old dreams go?)  
**__Las ilusiones donde iran? __**(Where will our illusions go?)  
**__Donde iran? __**(Where will they go?)  
**__Donde iran?__** (Where will they go?)  
**__Las Viejas metas donde iran? __**(Where will our old dreams go?)  
**__Las ilusiones donde iran? __**(Where will our illusions go?)  
**__Donde iran? __**(Where will they go?)  
**__Donde iran?__** (Where will they go?)**_

_Donde iran? __**(Where will they go?)  
**__Las Viejas metas donde iran?__** (Where will our old dreams go?)  
**__Las ilusiones donde iran? __**(Where will our illusions go?)  
**__Donde iran? __**(Where will they go?)  
**__Donde iran? __**(Where will they go?)  
**__Las Viejas metas donde iran? __**(Where will our old dreams go?)  
**__Las ilusiones donde iran? __**(Where will our illusions go?)  
**__Donde iran? __**(Where will they go?)  
**__Donde iran?" __**(Where will they go?)**_

**~La Quinta Estacion –Donde Iran**

* * *

**Whitehall: French Embassy**

Marillac was behind his desk checking through all the documents and making sure everything was in order for the betrothal of Catherine de Guise and the little Lord Philip Tudor-Wittelsbach. Very clever, he thought, of the King of England to switch the boy's maternal to take priority over his paternal name Wittelsbach. It was not that hard when you were Head of Church –Marillac reflected, and the Parliament wanted to make clear that the next possible heir following Edward would seem England, therefore by an act of Parliament a month after the boy was born the boy took up the surname of Tudor Wittelsbach, and later on so did the Duke, using the same hyphenated version of his son's surname Tudor-Wittelsbach, thought he tended to use his last name Wittelsbach and when he would call himself by his given surname it would be without the hyphen added.

Then there was the succession.

Marillac knew that the succession at this time was a very delicate subject, the King had three possible heirs, male heirs, with Edward, his two grandsons the Lords Philip and Henry Tudor-Wittelsbach. He had what any men would want, three male heirs whom the last two by Parliament would get to keep the Tudor last name to continue with his Dynasty.

But as much as any man has all the strong or weak (in the case of Lord Philip) grandsons he wants, he will still yearn for another son from his own loins. The King wanted a son, he was still not sure that his last grandson would live past his infancy, though reports were that he was growing strong and enjoyed great health unlike his older brother, it was still no assurance. The King needed a second son, it was not enough with one, even if he did get another one, he would still want more. In fact, if Kitty Howard were to give him a son, he doubted the King would lift the weight from her shoulders. He would keep pressuring her and pressure her until she delivered as many children as His Majesty demanded of her.

Charles scanned through the letters of his master and the last letter he received from Paris from the Duke of Guise, Francis. They were pressuring Marillac to arrange the betrothal between the future Duke and the Duke of Guise oldest daughter.

He wrote he would have gladly have that arrangement sealed, signed and delivered by his own pen if only he did not have that crippled man Chapuys behind his back every minute. He knew the man had spies, it would be stupid to assume he did not, but just who were these spies? It made Marillac have a greater headache.

He heard the door open, it was Mistress Sophie Tatou.

Marillac invited her to take a seat just in front of his desk, he was very interested to hear what she had to report this time.

Sophie took a deep breath, she knew the Ambassador would be greatly disappointed with her this time, even she was disappointed with herself. Chapuys got one step ahead of everyone, including Charles de Marillac's.

"And you couldn't have asked your mistress girl?" Marillac demanded after Sophie had finished her tale about the surprise visit of his rival with the Duchess of Bavaria.

Sophie's face paled as Marillac kept asking her more questions.

"Did you find anything else besides that Chapuys discovered you?"

Sophie shook her head not having the willpower to say no.

Useless girl, Marillac thought. Where was efficiency when you needed it the most?

He paused, then said stealthily before the cowering girl seated in front of him, "There is something more tell me what is it?"

"If this gets out she will know it was me, only a handful know" She said. "And what will be of me if I am dismissed from her service?"

Indeed, what would be of her and who would be left to be his spy inside the Duchess' household? Marillac hated making promises to insignificant little things like her, but if he wanted the information he needed to take greater risks, it was smart politicians did after all. It was Virgil said in the Aeneid -fame favors _only_ the bold.

Decisions, decisions –mused Charles de Marillac- taking a greater leap forward with his informant.

"That so important?"

"Yes" she nodded.

"You see this letter girl?" Marillac with letter in hand raised his arm.

Sophie nodded, knitting her eyebrows not understanding what that had to do with everything? Then again, her Master was always very secretive.

"The King of France, your father's former Master wants an Anglo-French Alliance at all costs! Your Mistress' friendship with the Imperial Ambassador does not help my plans, remember that if I fall you fall down with me. Do you understand or do I have to write it down in French for you?"

Sophie shook her head. She felt like an imbecile before the great Chares de Marillac. The man had experience that went beyond his years, at a very young age he had been known to been very cunning, his career in politics would reach the maximum point if he acheived to defame Chapuys' name, and not only that but guarantee for his Country an alliance that would put the Empire out of the map as the most powerful nation in Europe. Charles V of Spain and I of the Holy Roman Empire had too much power, it was time someone stood up to him. The Franco Ottoman Alliance that Francis was negotiating was not enough, he needed England by his side to defeat Charles and gain back the territories that were stolen from him since the Empire defeated and captured him.

Marillac had never been so ashamed of being French then, but for every door closed he learned by his greatest master, another one opens, and he had found that these open doors were easier to find in England where the people's masks were very thin and very easy to see their true appearence.

England was no different than France after all with the only difference, that is, that England had a poor Court compared to France, their decorations hardly matched the greatness of France. France also had the best painters, the best musicians and the best women. As far as it went Englang was so little compared to France, and in fact so little compared to Scotland. While Scotland's glamour was nothing next to its neighboring rival, the English, Scotland more than made up for it with their ingenuity and their heavy instinct of survival. For centuries Scotland had been fighting the English to respect their autonomous state but the English wanted Scotland, it would be either one of them, there could not be two Kings and two Kingdoms in the same Island. Only one would prevail -and to prevent bloodshed Marillac thought his master's wishes would make sure that a peace agreeemnt would be reached between the two countries, through the Duchess' latest offspring.

"Good girl then" He said returning the letter back to where he had gotten it from and locking the drawer hiding his key inside his garments so one would have access to it.

"Now listen carefully the King of Scotland's wife Marie of Guise is pregnant, you already know this, if she bears a son then that son can be the next contender for the English throne, but also a possible husband for the Lady Elizabeth, however if she bears a girl then the girl can be offered to the Lord Henry Tudor-Wittelsbach or by whatever name he will chose to go when he becomes King."

Susan knitted her eyebrows (if that was even possible) even more. "But the Lord Philip will follow Edward Tudor everyone knows that _Ambassadeur!"_ She exclaimed.

Marillac cackled with laughter at the girl's naivety. "The Prince my dear is too weak to hold himself up by his two feet when he reaches the age of adulthood, IF, he reached adulthood, and the Lord Philip those who have visited him at Hever have seen the signs of poor health in that child, he is being compared to Katherine of Aragon's firstborn son, the short lived Henry Tudor Duke of Cornwall who did not live past a month after he was born. The same is being said about the future Duke, he will not live to see himself into adulthood so that only leaves Lord Henry and I doubt very much the King even if he musters all the strength from his loins will have another son at this rate."

Sophie nodded once more, it was the only thing she could do right now, nod.

What the _Ambassadeur_ was saying was treason, and if someone were to hear them they would both be sent to the tower or worse exiled from England. She could not bare the same on her father's face if he found out her daughter had been convicted of treason or worse forced into exile because of it.

"Forgive me for being blunt but the Duchess trusts the Imperial Ambassador and since yesterday that he came in to see her, to denounce me, how can I be of any use now to convince milady that an Anglo French Alliance is in her best interests?" She asked becoming frantic with the prospect that Marillac might dismiss her now and not need her anymore.

Marillac got out of his chair, and moved to Sophie's direction putting one hand on her shoulder he bend over to whisper in her ear. -"Of course if the Duchess were to hear it from more trustworthy lips than yours, perhaps another lady in waiting?" He finished a smile on his face as he returned to sit behind his desk.

Sohpie looked to meet Marillac's gaze again.

"Another Lady in waiting?" She repeated unsure where Marillac wanted to go with this.

Marillac had to press his lips hard not to laugh at the little thing in front of him, she was not the youngest of the Duchess' ladies in waiting, but she certainly was not the brightest yet Marillac had always found good use in her, she was an excellent spy and she had, if given more proper training in art of deception, the mind of a scorpion. He was fortunate (most of the time) to have her. She had fooled everyone very good, especially the Duchess with the smile of a Saint she had.

But, he reminded himself, she could not fool Chapuys, the man was too sly. He saw deception and treason everywhere, even the sweetest of smiles by Sophie would not fool him. He could see into other people's natures, into their souls and he loved making them realize that they were as ugly as him.

Marillac had every intention to beat him at his own game, but for that he realized he would need help from the inside, while Sophie's position right now was very fragile, she still had some influence over some of the young ladies, and one lady in waiting especially came into his mind that she could influence.

"How do you get along with Jane Dormer?"

"Excuse me?"

He sat back making himself comfortable and looking away from her confused look.

"Jane Dormer. She is the youngest in your group isn't she? I hear you and her create mischief, and you knew each other isn't that right when you were toddlers?"

"Yes we were but I don't understand what my friendship with Jane has anything to do with …" She stopped in midsentence as realization of what Marillac was really asking of her dawned on her. No, she was going to say, I will not betray a friendship for your Master and your interests! But then Sophie thought of her father and her mother, her poor mother she remembered, who always said to Sophie that the only way the people in this cruel world survive is by being cruel themselves.

Her father despite living on England all this years was still loyal to the French Crown, he would be very disappointed if he found out England was back into another Alliance with the Empire because she had not agreed to help Marillac, and knowing Marillac who knew her father to be her weakness, he would tell him.

Marillac saw the look of betrayal on her face.

He didn't care how many he hurt along the way as long as they lead him to his path of success forging an Alliance with England, making the King see that France and England had more in common that they realized for example exposing Chapuys for what he really was a traitor to the King of England, a double crosser opportunist.

He pretended to be the loyal friend of the Duchess all these years during the time of her hardship at the hands of Anne Boleyn, and then after Jane Seymour had died. But if he was really such a good loyal friend with her why was it he was going behind her back arranging marriages for her eldest son, in fact Marillac found it curious why was it he not only not asked for the Duchess' permission but also why he was not even heeding Charles I' advise to bring another proposal of marriage between Lord Henry and another Hapsburg Royal?

It was a real mystery, but one Marillac was not going to crack his head open for, he had more important tasks to worry about like exposing Eustace Chapuys and his plan to minimize the King's influence in Parliament. It was no secret he was conspiring with a General Council who thought the King had too much power and they were looking for ways to take that power from him. Francis too had his spies through all the ones he (Marillac) controlled. He had gone through much trouble bringing Marillac to England, he was not about to give up his ambitions for an Alliance, and neither would Marillac.

"All you have to do is talk to her, mention something simple be vain if you want to in your comments but get to Jane Dormer and I am absolutely sure the Duchess if not convinced at least she will give better thought to France's proposal"

"What about the Duke? He is her husband isn't he the one to decide too?" She inquired.

"Of course he is, but the Duke I already have him in my pockets Mademoiselle Tattou, the Queen's skull is thick but she favors France over the Empire since the Empire was not only responsible for her cousin's ill fate, the Empire has also been responsible for promoting the Duchess of Bavaria all these years and the Duchess and the Queen as we known are still bitter rivals"

He paused, his eyes bearing again into her deep green ones. "Let me worry about the Duke and the King, you worry about getting to the Duchess"

Sophie looked at him doubtfully, then her eyes went to the door and back at Marillac and she said, "I'd better go now, milady will ask of me and I don't want to give her more reason to think the Imperial Ambassador's words are right"

Marillac nodded and dismissed her, however another thought came to mind and he stopped her when she was on her way out, next to the door, "How is the Lord Henry? Does his father express interest over a marriage?"

Sophie narrowed her eyes. Of course the boy's father expressed interest, he was his son after all and so far the only healthy one they had, and the King's –it was said- most beloved of his two grandsons, why would he not expect a marriage agreement for him too.

Marillac's eyes brightened when Sophie said this, an idea suddenly came to his head, one that would surely the King would find too irresistible not to consider, and one which would put Chapuys out of business and to the next boat back to Annency once and for all.

**

* * *

**

Chapuys was thinking hard.

Last night he had almost managed to convince his lady to be more wary of that half French girl Sophie Tatou. He didn't trust the French for a reason, and that was because the French had always tried to gain control of his homeland Savoy. If he ever saw, God forbid, the day where Savoyans would give up all their free will they had enjoyed under the Empire and the Church to be annexed to France would be the day the world would end for Eustace.

Just seventeen years ago, maybe less, he could not remember much the details, except that his niece Alberta had written to him for his blessing to marry Lord Jacques Russeau. When he had read the letter he did not know if he had gone blind or if his niece Alberta had finally gone mad. Marry a French name? A Chapuys and a French? He had laughed out loud, Fleming he remembered had looked at him oddly asking him if he was alright. He said everything was fine with him, it was his damned niece who had gone mad?

There were good Savoyans where she lived, couldn't she fight the right man to marry there?

Luckily his skills of persuasion had worked.

He threatened to disinherit his niece if she married that boy Lord Russeau. His niece she was a hot blooded girl of sixteen, what did she know about blood or marriage? He knew girls younger than her married, but the last time Chapuys had seen her he had become too smitten (a terrible mistake he realized when he heard of her intentions to marry a French man) and the fact he had once been close to his sister did not help at all to ease his rage and hatred for the French when he read her second letter that with or without his blessing she would marry.

He wrote back to her, saying of the grave mistake she was making not only would he disinherit her and take out from his will, he would make sure that as long as his heart still beat she would never step one foot in Annency or in any place of Savoy again, and that her children or her children's children would not be welcome, he would make a pact with the Devil if he had to make that possible!

His niece's third letter came two weeks after, coincidently it was on January 8th a day after his gracious Master's Aunt, the Queen of England –Katherine of Aragon had left the mortal realm. His niece Alberta stated that while she would resent him for this, she would break the engagement because her heart would never bear to being away from Annency.  
She went on to say how her heart would never be mended and that one day he would know of love, she prayed that God would not take upon him his vengeance for breaking true love. He had burned the letter when she began to speak even more nonsense, he didn't care for the passionate love of two teenagers, he would not let France win even in his family.

But her words of pure love and God's vengeance did strike him. Back then there were just the words product of an infatuated heart broken teenage girl, they meant nothing, but now that he –as she prayed she never would- had known love, her words added a new perspective for him.

He was in love with that woman, no longer girl but a woman through and through. Daughter of Kings, and granddaughter of the greatest Kings that had ever walked the face of the Earth, Isabel of Castilla and Leon and Fernando of Aragon, she was destined for greatness and she had been born a Princess and raised to believe that one days he would become Queen. Now that the dream was gone, it did not make it easier for him to be near her. There were too many spies in their midst for them to meet.

He and Mary –as they had agreed they would now call themselves by their first names- agreed that they would only meet when she was away from the intrigue of Court, in his cottage where it was fairly close to Hunsdson. By now he had explained everything to Fleming, and she had explained everything to her best ladies, Jane Dormer and Susan Clarenciux. They had agreed (the Lady Susan rather reluctantly) to help their Mistress with the Ambassador.

After all plans were made he realized that they were the reason he was where he was now on his way to his cottage, as Mary was on the way to meet him.

* * *

Philip had departed from Mary's quarters not even an hour ago to tell her he would be meeting with Parliament, because of their son's great health, the King her father had offered him a seat in Parliament. The influence Philip had been gaining because of his sons and Mary of course was beyond anything he had ever imagined.

He had risen higher than any men, and he realized he was the envy of all of them. All those who were once green with envy and overtaken with jealousy for Cromwell and Cranmer's ascension had now directed their hatred at Philip. Let them, he said to himself on his way to his chambers. I have the next Kings of England and my states' in Germany's saviors. What do I care for their jealousy?

But just as Philip was about to open the door he bumped into one of Mary's ladies, Sophie Tatou.

He was rather surprised seeing her here. She was always very close to Mary.

"Mistress Tatou? What are you doing here this late?" He inquired.

Tatou looked up to meet the piercing emerald eyes of the Duke. He was handsome beyond any man, English, French or any other Sophie had ever seen. She had never told anyone but she was sure that her Mistress was having an affair with someone else, someone very close to her. Who this mystery lover was? Sophie could not know, and she had not told Marillac, after what the man had said to her –she intended to keep it a secret- she would tell him until it became her last resort for her to assure a French-Scottish Alliance with England.

She was English by birth, but in her heart she was a French patriot raised by her father who was a true French man at heart.

"I am here to make sure the room and everything is ready for when milady returns"

Philip narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean? She has gone back to Hunsdson without permission? What about our son Lord Henry?" He was not realizing he had raised his voice to such level that he was practically shouting now and making Sophie go deaf.

"Lord Henry was taken to the Royal nursery by Mistress Elsa and Lady Clarencieux moments before she left. She said she was not feeling well but she said that she would be back soon from Hunsdson …" She did not get to finish her sentence as Philip stormed past her entering his chambers and slamming the door behind him.

Sophie smiled in triumph. She was stirring the boat she knew. The more jealous the Duke was the easier it would be for him to oppose any Imperial alliance his wife favored, and the easier it would be her to avoid using Jane.

Jane was one of the few whom she considered her friends, she would use her if she had to, but she didn't want to truthfully. She didn't want to ruin one of the few friendships that still survived from her childhood.

* * *

While Philip was cursing himself for not arriving earlier to convince his wife not to leave or at least if she planned to leave, to leave with him, so they could spend more time together; in a cottage not far from Hunsdson where Mary arrived and was received by Fleming. She and Chapuys lay in each other's arms later succumbing to passion in the kiss they shared.

Let her father's praetorians come to take her, they could never take him from her heart. She had given herself fully to him that night in the forest, she had never regretted even when she told herself and Susan that she did, she really was only trying to escape from the reality that she had fallen for this man. He was a commoner and she a Princess of Royal blood, but it didn't matter when her heart had been giving entirely to him.

Chapuys devoted himself heart and soul when her mouth reached to his neck.

He had been waiting a lifetime for her to touch his neck again.

Never would he have imagined falling for someone he had met when she had only been but a small and innocent little girl. Innocent –he mused as his hand traveled to her breast and with other pulling her closer to him while they rested on his bed- no longer.

She had known a man's touch, his kiss through Philip, but that had been different she told herself now. With Philip it was duty, it was obligation and she now suspected it had only been a young girl's infatuation. She was too young and naïve to know what true love and the touch of an older and more experienced man was.

If the space between her heart and her desire had once been empty it had now been filled as Chapuys began to undo her dress at the same time taking his boots and allowing her to undo his doublet.

She felt when they stripped with the others help of their clothes like this was the real world, inside Eustace's cottage, and outside was just a make believe. She never wanted this to end, she no longer felt the need to worry about the nightmare of the outside world, she had everything she needed in this little confined space.

* * *

**A/N: Evil cliffy. I should not have left it there when things were getting more interesting, but don't worry chapter 27 will be on its way this coming week as chapter 28.**

**Fact vs Fiction**

***Thanks to Lundell's dissertation about Chapuys, I also learned more about Marillac's proposal with the Duke of Orleans and Lady Mary. Of course here we have instead me juxtaposing it with Catherine de Guise her age being altered, instead of 1550s she is born during 1540 making her elligible for Lord Philip. As for future Mary Queen of Scots, yes she was born during this time, however she is not born yet, we still don't get to her historical birth date. But as Marillac in real life and here he considers based on what Francis letters have instructed him, he wants to overthrow chapuys because Chapuys had close ties with many members at court and he was conspiring as we see in Lundell's dissertation to block the King's power or diminish it. Marillac wants to stop this because Chapuys is doing this to benefit his master and Marillac wants the betrothal to benefit France and Scotland**

**Now one last thing:**

**REVIEW!**

**Keep 'em coming they feed and keep this baby :) alive!**

**~Carolina**


	27. As the love draws you closer

**Disclaimer: I am not God or Goddess if I was the Great Mother Goddess I would own History and change a lot of things, for one thing CHARY would exist, so I conform myself with just writing fiction.**

**A/N: I being thanking all of my reviewers and say this chapter for a reason the song for today is Rhythm Divine by none other than Enrique Iglesias. Hear this song while you read this chapter you will not be disappointed.**

**And keep those reviews coming!**

**~Carolina

* * *

**

"_Escucha el ritmo de tu Corazon_

_Feel the Rythmn_

_From the coast of Ipanima  
to the Island of Capri  
all the way to Kuala Lumpur  
I will follow you wherever you may be_

_From the moment, I first saw you  
Knew my heart could not be free  
Had to hold you in my arms  
There can never be another for me_

_All I need is  
__**THE RHYTHM DIVINE **__  
Lost in the music  
You're heart will be mine  
All I need is  
to look in your eyes  
Viva la musica  
Say you'll be mine_

_Can you feel the heat of passion  
Can you taste our love's sweet wine  
Join the dance and let it happen  
Put tomorrow's cares right out of your mind  
As the music draws you closer  
And you fall under my spell  
I will catch you In my arms now  
Where the night can take us no can tell_

_All I need is  
__**THE RHYTHM DIVINE**__  
Lost in the music  
You're heart will be mine  
All I need is  
the look in your eyes  
Viva la musica  
Say you'll be mine_

_Gotta have this feeling forever  
Gotta live this moment together  
Nothing else matters  
just you and the night  
Follow on the wings of desire  
now the rhythm is taking you higher  
No one can stop us from having it all_

_You are my heart...you are my soul  
All I need is  
__**THE RHYTHM DIVINE**__  
Lost in the music  
You're heart will be mine  
All I need is  
the look in your eyes  
Viva la muscia  
Say you'll be mine_

_Can you feel the rhythm?  
Can you feel the rhythm?  
Can you feel the rhythm?  
__**Burning ...Burning"**_

**~Rhythm Divine by Enrique Iglesias

* * *

**

She felt Chapuys caress her breast. She moaned as she withdrew her lips from his neck and they were moved to his shoulder where she could not help but bite back as she felt his tongue in her neck followed by a strong bite of his teeth digging deeper into her skin.

She felt how her blood going all the way down her belly aroused him to position himself now fully on top, to push her hips apart. All this scene they felt very familiar for them. In the woods they were lost in passion not one trace of love they had felt was found in their hearts, they had been blinded by the heat of passion, in here it was all different, their passion was juxtaposed by their need to be in each other, to be part of each other.

The turbulent waters that their boats had stirred was the cause for Mary to willingly open her hips this time for him, he did not need to force them open, she wanted this and she wanted to make it known for him as her dark gray orbs bore into his bluer ones that she was no longer afraid. If an army of her father's Praetorian guards were to come right now, let them take them, if this was the price to pay for their love then so be it.

Can you feel it? She heard Eustace say as he pushed himself in her. She took him in, welcomed him as her entrance widened for him, she could feel his soul inside her, his bluer eyes bearing deeper in hers telling her he did not want this night to end.

He wrapped his arms around her, nothing ever made sense when they were together, first when they were in the woods now he asked himself how was it they had found themselves in this compromising position? He could only remember when Fleming had announced her, when he had retired Fleming, and when she told Eustace why she was here because they had agreed to meet here in secret because it was the safest way possible to continue with a relation that they were still unsure of the time they spoken about it.

Now there was no doubt in his mind, as flashes of light passed through his mind, her moans, her squeals, his name being screamed to the four winds.

She was expected too though, she –he knew- was a woman no different than any other, who had her vanities and her desires she had to express her desire, women always did, they were too easy to manipulate he always found and too easy to let their emotions break free from their heart. They thought too much with their heart, seldom would he see a woman connect her heart to her brain –like –he was embarrassed to think- was the case with the concubine and Her late Majesty the true and so far the only Queen of Henry VIII, Katherine of Aragon. Both how he hated to admit it, he would never say it to a soul expect to when he died and he would be judged before God, was very much alike Anne Boleyn. Both the whore and the virtuous woman, how ironic, they had both pursued Henry for a long period of time. One when he was a Princess and she a discarded bride only to become Queen and then once more a discarded (only this time not Princess) Queen. Insert the irony here –thought Eustace. And then there was the other a whore through and through raised in the opulent and decadent Courts of France, daughter of a lowly born Ambassador (like you –his mind taunted. Silence –he mentally screamed and his mind became serene once more lost deep in his thoughts of rage, hatred of bitter old memories, and in the passion and the love he was experienced at the Princess' hands all over his back rising up and down as his thrusts deep within her made her move at the rhythm of each, and the more powerful they got, the less Chapuys could think clearly. Where was he? Oh yes … that whore Anne Boleyn … who, he flinched hissing in pain as she forced his leg closer to hers) who the only thing good he could admit she had was ambition, but that ambition ultimately destroyed her because the Lady Anne could never connect her brain to her mouth.

Deceitful creatures, he thought back then before he arrived for a second time in England. He was sure that England was a nest for the ladies to corrupt themselves, he doubted the Queen had been as virtuous as she said, for the only virtuous woman he thought to be truly pure was a nun and the Queen by far was she a nun, but when he had met her for a second time he was surprised to see the way she conducted herself with such grace and by far greater morality than the rest of her libertine ladies, especially –he thought- bloody Anne Boleyn.

The second time he had seen the Lady Mary, to think that that was the little girl who had once been fated to become Empress, the same little girl who had danced with her cousin, who had smiled at him and been so innocent, so ignorant of the world's malice. That same little girl he had seen in London had now matured and her eyes held a deep wisdom that went beyond her years. The first thing she asked of him was books and her mother, how was she, was she alright, who were her maidens? She was of inquisitive nature, nobody could deny that –from that moment he did not know what it was, but he had felt drawn to her, there was a certain allure in her eyes, unlike other ladies that if she could only be aware of what power she had in those dark gray orbs, she could drawn any man to her, make them bow before her.

He was sure that the Princess had not been just born for greatness. From her England would be returned to the Papacy to the One True Faith.

Through her she could restore England back to the right path, through her she could change the fate of many women in England who still suffered under the leash of despicable men like her father.

He never said it, but he blamed her father for all that she had suffered, even more than the whore. For England he found now was a Country full of mindless drones who if their King were to take more of their freedom and give them a Roman circus Eustace would hear the sound of million of clapping hands saying yes, give us more , give us more!

He had taken their freedom of speech, their freedom of assembly to bring forth their concerns not only to their Monarch but to their Parliament. Before Henry people were punished for this, they were warned, people were branded traitor and forced to live in shame with all their properties taken –but with him, that devil worshipper (Eustace did not think him a King, he had lost that privilege when he had decided to leave a good and obedient wife for a loud mouthed and rebellious wife. He had made deals with Heretics, he had forsaken his soul, even when his true wife had written to him worried for the safety of his soul, he had spitted in her memory by wearing bright yellow colors celebrating her death as if her death had meant his freedom for him and his whore and to mean they were blessed) there was no stopping his ambitions, Henry did not just want the Crown to control, Brandon was right when he'd said it _he wants the whole world_- and with Henry the peasants had suffered more.

They followed their King because they felt they had to. For the Divine right of Kings they wanted to believe their King had the their best interests in hand but if they stopped to think and look back at all their King had done they would realize the ultimate truth that their King did not care about the, he did not care about anybody but himself.

Eustace could not think right, he got lost in that lost thought as he hissed this time bringing Mary to her senses seeing his expression shift from the pleasure he was experiencing earlier to the pain that he was now feeling when she forced his leg closer to hers.

Sorry –she wanted to say but she silenced her apologies as she brought his head closer to hers to rest at her neck, cuddling him, her fingers running through his grey curls as she softly whispered in his left ear "I can make the pain go"

He raised one eyebrow, despite the passion that he lost himself in coupled with the pain in his leg that had not yet left him, he was still aware of his surroundings, he could hear every whisper, every breath she took, he could smell her scent, feel her wavy hair on his left cheeks, anything that was part of her now he was part of him. Yet it in the state of catharsis he was in, he was still sane enough to realize the lunacy behind her words.

He was about to raise his hands to reach hers and take them from his ear and back when she pushed herself further inside. "Ah" he moaned, his lungs giving all volume they could raise for him to express what he was feeling inside for her. Not just the thrust of his sporadic movements or the feel of her fingers inside his hair, it was something that he had never thought possible, that went beyond anything reasonable or any logic he was taught in by his master the Duke of Savoy.

Mary took great interest in his hair. The first time when she had won the battle of the tongues when they had been lost on the woods next to each other, their first time, Mary had taken a great interest in running her fingers down his hair and all the way to his neck when he had brought his lips to her shoulders. She had wanted to feel and trace every hair, to memorize the feeling and bury it deep in her mind where no one would be able to erase it, but like every fairy tale that Mary dreamed of, the dream was gone.

_**No more Philips, no more little Philisp**_ waking her up -when she would stay at Hever- in the middle of the night to comfort him, and _**especially **_no more Kitty Howards telling her how lucky she was for having a baby so beautiful and best of all no Henry for her to feel ashamed. She was able to live the dream and never wake up. This, she told herself, this is the real world and I don't want this to end. She did get to trace the lines of his hair and every fiber of them down his neck as she slid her hand down slowly tracing his broad shoulders. Now that both her hands were each on one of his shoulders, she felt it exhausting, as he began to kiss her again, to quiet their passion, so no one would hear them anymore. The sun shine though, the sun was shining on them, forming a halo on their heads as their bodies were very close to becoming one and Eustace close to releasing, her lips mildly parting from his softly said while her eyes were still closed –"I can feel you coming closer"

Panting Eustace opened his eyes. No! He mentally screamed not realizing he had spoken aloud too.

Mary dug her nails deeper into his shoulders making it near impossible for him to pull from her. "No …no we must not" he managed to say as he abruptly pulled from her landing next to her on his back giving one last and exhausting moan.

Mary did as well, pulling the covers to herself.

She could not blame him, after she recovered came back to her five senses, for not wanting to consummate their union for the second time.

"_Just what do you think you are doing?"_ She could hear Susan's voice in the back of her head as if her presence had followed her all the way to his bedroom. How stupid! She mentally roared! She was this close to ruin everything –to make history repeat itself –_like with Henry_, her subconscious said.

Yes, she said to it, like with Henry.

Chapuys had his own motives not to want to do it. It was just more than her last offspring it was himself he was thinking of. When he had been just fourteen and after his father had died, his own mother tired of the influence and the sudden_ interest_ that his uncle took upon him filed a lawsuit, he had become the center of his family's intrigue, at fourteen he had learned something about family, that blood ties made no difference when it was the glitter of money that marked a person's value.

He didn't want to see the same thing for a future son or daughter coming from his lady or any other woman of the same caliber for that matter. He didn't want to see his son or daughter the subject of family disputes, especially her family!

Better to kill the moment, kill the passion, kill his seed than see the curse of his past be repeated through his offspring.

* * *

Susan did not need a herald to wake her up as those two screams did it for her and Jane. They had been sleeping in the small guest room downstairs. The cottage was not very big and the rooms –to Susan's discomfort- were very small, barely enough for two people like her and Jane.

Around her the room did not appear as bad and suffocating as it really was. The walls were the same though, just adding more to her dislike of this entire place. They were all white and the pain she inspected was very old, Susan was very observant, she had to be being the Chief Lady In Waiting of Mary Tudor –the girl who had been through so many dangers before. Then there were also the floors, with every step she took they would cackle and the noises of her footsteps she imagined could be heard all the way to the other end of the house.

Overall the cottage was in poor conditions, not suitable for ladies like her and Jane, and especially not for a woman of high status, a Princess born and raised, destined one day (God be willing –Susan thought) like her Mistress and best friend Mary Tudor.

Together she and young Jane woke up to the muffling sounds coming from upstairs, followed by their screams as they said each others names.

Jane giggled when she heard it. She probably thought it was all some romantic adventure like Guinevere and Lancelot embarking on a quest to find a place where they could "fulfill their love away from King Arthur and his knights of the round table to escape the evil Queen of the fairies Morgan of the Fay" –Jane said giggling even more as the screams died down.

Susan got up from bed and walking to Jane's direction standing next to her as she sat up and looked at Susan with that same goofy smile she scolded her –"Watch your tongue Jane this is not a game or one of your romantic fairy tales" she further reminded as Jane's face fell "this is treason, what you are saying and what WE are doing is treason, aiding our Mistress, our Princess, our Duchess into an amorous love affair? Wake up Jane, life is not a fairy tale, people who make fairy tales are sore looser who don't understand just how complicated life is! Wake up Jane!" She repeated leaving their temporal bedroom slamming the door behind her, hoping these last few minutes before they leave since it was morning already; it would give her young partner in crime time enough to think through her what she'd said and a better insight to their situation.

* * *

_"**Abstainer**, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others."_

**~Ambrose Bierce in his Devil's Dictionary (1911)**

* * *

**(Mary POV) **

I was breathing hard, very hard when I felt him part from me. He landed on his back with a loud thump and taking in a deep breath after I pulled the covers from his bed to my chest, he doing the same thing too afterward, I let out a quick grunt. My legs were very sore I realized, I could not move them.

Eustace's eyes finally landed on me again as I turned to him.

"B-before it was too late" he said breathing fast. I could hear his heart beating rapidly as mine.

I agreed. It was too fast, we could not allow our bodies to express themselves freely or to succumb to passion as we did back then; we were risking too much already being here.

"What now?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrows briefly lowering them down quickly as a grin appeared and he said, "Simple. Go to Hunsdson, stay there today-"

No, I would not go there. Don't ask me this, my eyes desperately pleaded with him, but he taking my chin so I could meet his eyes again gave spoke to me more serious this time.

"Madame … Mary" he said later seeing how I felt using titles. We were alone, I had told him earlier before we kissed. -There was no need for formalities here. -We were free to express ourselves however we wanted. "Be reasonable if your husband or anybody finds you arriving at your Household too late they will suspect, and we all have our spies, even he has his spies, he would surely know"

"I am tired of being reasonable. And I am tired of being everyone else's puppet. Why can't I stay just five minutes?" I offered.

He grinned. It was as if I was a school girl and he my teacher who was now scolding me.

"That is not something we should even be considering" He replied.

My heart sank. "Why not?" I demanded "We got this far? What is keeping you Eustace from giving yourself fully to your commitment? To me?"

He sighed. "Mary there is something else. I want to make sure that when I leave this world, I die with the knowledge that I made this a world safe for you to live in. I tried to protect you milady and I am proud of what you have become, but I cannot protect you any longer"

"Why do you talk of death in this way? Why this sudden change of heart?" I suddenly ask, my inquisitive nature not allowing me to let the subject rest, I narrow my eyes and as my eyes bore deeper into his soul I realize what he is really hiding from me and it makes me widen my eyes with shock.

"You are leaving!" I exclaim.

"I have asked the Emperor telling him that my health is too poor now, and he has not replied."

"Then good you can stay more" I say nonchalantly trying to hide my anger and the bitterness I feel for the request he has made –and that he did not bother to tell me!- to the Emperor.

"Is it because of me?" I ask as I saw his lips move to reply.

He stutters at first not sure what to say. It is the first time he has stuttered, but he finally manages to say it –an answer that doesn't make me feel better:

"There would be some, I daresay, to cast doubt on you for the Hapsburg betrothal. I want to be sure that when I leave this Island that the betrothal between your son and –"

"I know but I have given great thought and isn't she too old for my son, she is nearly twenty years older and then you have also have from my dear cousin another proposal to the Infanta Catherine of Guimaraes, she is one year older and I have not heard anything" I went on to say "for my son Lord Henry. What is to become of him?"

I realized then as I saw him looking away from my direction that I shouldn't have said that. The subject of Henry was a delicate one, one we did not want to touch upon because every other time we had it all ended in nasty discussion.

Sooner or later though I had told myself as his eyes shifted to mine again, we had to. He was my son after all, he was named a Tudor and he bore the last name (coming after my name) of Wittelsbach too. It would seem very unfair that my first son was considered for a marriage and my second one was not.

He nodded. Calmly he replied to me, yet I could see the hurt that he was masking behind his serene expression, in his eyes.  
"I am sure that if the Emperor were to find another bride for him that I would gladly work for another marriage arrangement between milady's youngest son and someone worthy of him"

I was not sure if I liked what I heard. When Eustace said the word worthy it all sounded so false, I was not hearing the man who made love to me speak, I was hearing the cunning and cynic side of him that always distinguished him from the other men at Court.

The other men I mused were quick of mind, many had wits, but many spoke lies they were very eloquent, how could they not, we are English after all the Country of eloquent speech, it was what made us special, or so we liked to think. Eustace had come so different from all the rest of his other predecessors. The way his mind worked was still a mystery for his enemies, but I had gotten inside of it, I had seen that there was not much more to him that met the eye. He was not hard to decipher, you had to get closer to him. She had seen that he was not that much different from any other man, young or old. He was a man desperate for touch, for needs, for emotions that were so foreign and yet he yearned for them, like love and passion.

"I see no harm then in you staying more-" I began to argue hoping that I could convince him but he held a hand up to silence me.

"Mary if not for you then at least do it for me. Look at me, you have seen my leg, it is not a pretty sight to see don't deny it Madame"

I huffed and turned away, refusing to see or hear anymore of this, but his voice was too impossible for me to ignore.

"Now you feel at peace but understand one day I am going to leave, that is something you are going to have to accept Madame"

I did not say anything.

A touch on my shoulder made me turn as he spoke softer this time, "I wonder the wisdom behind this escapade"

"Then why agree to it? Why be the master mind behind it when you were so unsure of it?"

"Because" he struggled to say, and he had to resist I felt, the urge to roll his eyes at me or scream to my face at how unreasonable I was being. If I were him I would have shouted at myself that I was being inconsiderate as well not to take into account what he had been risking being here in the first place. "**YOU** are worth it"

"What?" Was I hearing it right?

Have I gone mad, or, has he gone mad? Has the world gone mad?

Was he …

As if reading my thoughts, he nodded, "I am speaking the truth Madame. I have given it much thought, and I would not leave these moments for anything in the world"

I did not need to ask if he will stay, I wanted to believe his answer the truth I had found was too hard for me to take, and for once I wanted to bask in the warmth of his lie before he reminded me that I had to get up and get ready to leave back to my unhappy place at Hunsdson.

I smirked and he joined later a light chuckle escaping from his lips.

"Let us worry about tomorrow later, lets live the now Madame" He declared and he pulled me closer to him giving me a light kiss, this time free from passion or burning desire, it was short lived, but we enjoyed every short second it lasted.

"I love you" I said. Out of the blue it had escaped from my mind, but it was done, I had spoken the words at last while we were both conscious.

"I know" -he replied and embracing I felt his hand rising his fingers going through my hair that covered my entire back. "I know" He repeated again, and then I realized five minutes had passed but he said nothing.

This man amazed me, he truly did. I felt I should never get to fully know him.

* * *

Mary and Eustace understood the time had come for them to leave.

Mary had dressed up quickly, she went downstairs to look for Jane and Susan, they were already there waiting for her, the driver as well outside Eustace's cottage getting impatient with the Princess and her ladies. There would be hell to pay, she knew it was on his mind, if his master discovered that he was in on it to help his wife meet with her lover (a _lover_ Mary was glad to know that had the driver was not aware of his identity).

A last glance was shared by the two lovers as the carriage sped off. Eustace did not dare go outside and expose himself before the driver. He had to conform by watching from his window as she and her two most trusted ladies in waiting helped her to the carriage, she giving one last glance at Eustace's direction, her eyes pleading to him.

He felt an aching pain to see her go, to not be there to give the proper goodbyes, but what would he say goodbye my lover? Add more to the formalities so the driver would laugh and report back to his master, the Duke of Bavaria?

No, he was a man in love, he had accepted it, but that did not make him a man clouded by his love for Mary to act irrational. On the contrary, he had agreed to this little meeting of theirs because he'd realized he could not hide his feeling for her anymore, and that she felt the same way for him.

But all this "feeling" inside would have to end soon. He had requested to the Emperor that under the heavy strain of his duties, that he would feel more comfortable if he was back at Annency where the cool air and the peaceful atmosphere would do his health much good.

The Emperor had never answered his letters back. He doubted the Empire would have let him go that easy, but he would keep sending them.

His gout had gotten worse, he was often in excruciating pain and it would only get worse if he remained on England and leading a secret life behind his master and everyone's back with the Duchess.

He just could not stay here, there was too much he was putting at risk, not just himself, his career, his master's intention for the marriage proposals between the more suitable candidate the Portuguese Princess Catherine or the Bavaria Tudor Royal's much older Aunt; or the Imperial Alliance that the Emperor intended to make with England to defeat France since rumors (and these rumors were actually true) that Francis had allied himself to the Turks in one last attempt to defeat his long life rival Charles.

He was doing more harm than good in this Country if even one person that wasn't in their reach could suspect of their actions! The Princess' life, he hated to admit was what also worried him. Shamed and disgraced she could also face the threat of the axe, because unlike any amorous affair this was between a Princess who was married and whose place in the succession was not yet clear, and if she was denounced before her other peers that she was having illicit relations to a man much below her, and an Ambassador that would put his Master's relations with England at risk, and they would be both end up in the scaffold –since Charles would not bother to move a finger for him saying it was all Eustace's doing and he had nothing to do with it, saving his own reputation for his own interest of having England as an ally against France once more.

But … much as he wanted to turn back time –there was no going back.  
He had changed things … forever.

* * *

**A/N: Just a few clarifications I know I said that each Saturday or Thursday I would update and I will do that after tomorrow Tuesday when I update Chapter 28. Chapter 29 will come on Thursday.**

**Next week I will update on Thursday & Saturday two chapters each of SP and AW. SP I have a lot to update and AW lets say I have a lot of surprises, I want to take SSLE (Dani whose own chary TTW is great and she has other projects in store just as great) for all the brainstorm and all of our discussions on chary and history in general they have really helped, and also to Carla (Angel More) for being attentive as well, she is a great author too she has one Chary fic "Jewels of Christendom" I really recommend it.**

**Another good chary fic that is more new is in Plain Sight by Morgian8. It has a good start and it shows promise.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***Eustace mentions the Infanta Catherine Guimaraes who in real life was born in 1540 as mentioned here, however she was married in real life to the Duke of Braganza becoming later Duchess of Braganza herself. **

***Little Philip Jr. other potential bride is none other than Infanta Maria Duchess of Viseu who was daughter of Manuel I of Portugal (Dani has made more interested in Portuguese history) and Eleanor of Hapsburg who was Mary Tudor's cousin, making Maria, little Philip's cousin. Quick history fact of the real Maria is that she died as the Duchess of Viseu childless and unmarried and she seemed to have resented her mother, Eleanor, for when her mother returned from France long after Francis I (her second husband) death Maria refused to see her.  
Yes I realize the huge age gap in this scenario however Maria as she is the granddaughter through her mother's side of Philip Hapsburg and Juana of Castilla a marriage to the possible future King of England opens the door for other future betrothals arranged by the Empire. **

**With that being said you know the drill**

**REVIEW!**

**~Carolina**


	28. The Other side of me

**Disclaimer: I am not God or Goddess if I was the Great Mother Goddess I would own History and change a lot of things, for one thing CHARY would exist, so I conform myself with just writing fiction.**

**A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews guys I love them, keep em coming!**

**kk, I leave you with the chapter hear the song Downfall by Trust Company. Yes there is chary, intrigue and scheming ahead in this chapter and the next.  
**

**~Carolina

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**

_"Fear in me so deep  
he gets the best of me  
In the fear I fall  
here comes face to face with me  
Here I stand oh back so no one can see  
I feel this wounds  
step down step down  
Can I break down?  
Can I break away_

_Push me away  
Make me fall just to see another side of me  
Push me away  
You can't see what I see  
The other side of me_

_Fall back on me don't be the shrink of me  
to save me now just come face to face with me  
Stay in place you will be the first one to see  
Me heal these wounds  
Step down, Step down  
Am I breaking down?  
Can I break away?_

_Push me away  
Make me fall just to see another side of me  
Push me away  
You can't see what I see  
The other side of me_

_Go_

_Can I break away?_

_Push me away  
Make me fall just to see another side of me  
Push me away  
You can't see what I see  
The other side of me_

_No one can see the other side  
He dig the other side of me  
I won  
I crawl  
Loosing everything for the devil_

_No one can see -everything on the other side of me  
I won  
I crawl  
Loosing everything for the devil!  
Fall!_

**~Trust Company, "The Other side of Me"  


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**

Philip decided he would go to Hunsdson for answers. He was tired of Mary doing this to him and to everyone else that actually cared for her for once!

He told who was left in charge of Mary's ladies, who got to be Sophie Tattou, to get everything ready -they would depart to Hunsdson immediately.

Mary wanted to play her little games? Fine, they would! It was time he found out just what was really going on.

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

I did not regret spending more time on Hunsdson than on what we originally planned. Hunsdson was twenty miles, maybe a little more distanced than the capital. I did not mind the distance at all, the farther it was the more it meant for us to stay here, and with the weather conditions lately I doubted anyone would come here for a visit although you never know, in any case I decided to take precautions with Jane and Susan acting as my main ladies in waiting. Susan as my chief Lady In Waiting she decided to take over my household, she demanded discipline, and the moment she had come back to Hunsdson with me no one decided to question my word when it was spoken through Susan.

She had more authority in her voice, I thought being a little green with envy, than me. People tended to tremble before her voice than with me. When I spoke they would show fear, but usually they would ignore me and I had come to understand a little of the German language to know that most of what they said when they thought they were out of ear reach were insults. They hated being here and they hated me.

Susan said irritably after she dismissed all of them from our presence: "This is a fair weather we are in, I could only wish it had come a year earlier when they were on their way here"

I cannot help but chuckle.

"Well at least I made someone smile" Susan says, and I cannot help but agree, I almost spill my drink from my goblet after we had finish our evening meals.

Jane smiled sheepishly adding to Susan's comment that she made me smile earlier.

"Yes you did" I say slowly taking one last sip from my near empty goblet. "But Susan succeeded more"

Susan and I burst laughing at this making Jane cross her arms and pout stomping her feet on the ground. She could be so serious but so childish sometimes yet she and Susan were my most loyal ladies and friends -I had now come to consider them- I don't know what I would have done without them.

They were the real solid foundation under which I had relied on these last years of marriage, especially through Susan -she had been with me since I was a child. Now married and with children, she understood me better than anyone else. I felt sometimes that we could be so close that if we were not Mistress and servant, we could easily pass as sisters.

"Oh cheer up Jane" I tell her "You are still part of our ship, if this ship sinks you sink with us and if it sails -"

She cuts me off finishing the sentence for me -_again_ "I sail too, so you rise so do we and so do you fall so will we. You are our captain"

Me and Susan burst out laughing even harder, Susan almost spilling the contents of her meal as she bangs her fist on the table. She can no longer contain herself and I cannot either. Jane always says the most outrageous things, yet her sense of humor always manages to cheer us up.

But as we were laughing merrily and enjoying our evening meals, a sudden knock interrupts our merry moment.

We all look at each other.

I look at Susan, she understands and stands up walking to the door to greet our surprise visitor.

"Who is-" I can hear her stopping in mid sentence as she gasps and covers her mouth with both hands.

There walking towards the table is Philip and the rest of my ladies who are all soaking wet as my husband.

"Philip" I say very shocked to see him hear. I never thought that with this weather he would be here, and especially that he would arrive this early, why I think, it must have taken him all day!

As if Philip reads my mind, his emerald eyes suddenly acquiring a darker shade of green as they bare deeply into mind, he takes a seat next to me says to me directly -"Why did you not tell me where you were going? No wait!" he holds up a hand in the air when my lips begin to move to silence me before I could have the chance to explain myself to him, "let me guess you wanted to play Queen Mary is that it?"

"Philip I don't understand -" I try to sound convincing but I know I am failing miserably. "-your question. I told you that I was not feeling well a week ago, and I wanted to get away from Court life, away from all the glitz and the glamour, you know all I see now is French tunes, and French dresses, French hoods, and more of the old decadence. It is like I am on France, you yourself have said it. You cannot go to Greenwich, Hampton or Whitehall without smelling the strong odors of the _Queen's_ perfume"

I know I should have made sense but my hands that were on the table were trembling as well as the rest of my body as I felt a sudden shudder pass through me.

"Then I suppose that you are not coming back to Court at least for a while am I right?" He asked me.

"No I don't think I will" I say truthfully.

"Then what do you plan to do? Stay here?" He asks with a cynical grin forming on his face.

I don't take him seriously, so I chose to ignore his cynicism and respond to him once more as if he was deaf before -"I do not think I will return"

His left eyebrow is raised. "Oh, Mary you cannot lock yourself from the rest of the world forever"

I can sure try, I want to tell him but instead I remain calm and with that same calmness I reply -"Until Their Majesties summon me I will like any loyal subject return to Court, but until then Philip I will stay here, and that is final"

He smirked, I can see the frustration on his eyes as he looks away. "Oh you are being difficult Madame"

"You should have learned that the daughter of Katherine of Aragon was going to be no less when you married me" I hint at him.

He still does not look at me, so I decide to provoke him, if he wants to be here for me he needs to prove that he can be a man and look me up in the eye. Eustace would have never done this, he would have pouted like a child and refused to look at me, he would face me, face the problem and refuse to give up an argument so easily.

That is what I love about Eustace that he posed a challenge for me, and the challenge was never easy. The man being a complete mystery to me I was more encouraged to take on the challenge.

I wanted to feel the same thrill with Philip, however Philip was not one to endure the game of cat and mouse. He was too impatient, too reckless and I hated it, I needed a better player, someone who could understand me, someone who could play the game of cat and mouse and never tire of it, someone like Eustace Chapuys.

"If you really want to know why I was here why don't you ask yourself who did you really marry? Are you going to keep be the Heretic who plays the friend, ally and the loyalist or are you going to chose your own side? You know that Cromwell is only using you, and your offspring. If the Queen gives the King a Duke of York you can say farewell to your ambitions, and you can say farewell to your playmate Cranmer"

Philip got up from his chair not able to hear more. I watched as he abruptly got out from his seat, making the chair fall, he hurriedly walked as fast as his legs carried him upstairs, seconds later I heard the door of our bedchamber being slammed shut.

Susan, Jane and all my other soaked ladies in waiting looked at me with uncertainty, their eyes were nervous and some of them like Sohpie and Susan were demanding answers from me. I did not respond right away, trying to find the right words, when I finally did I -after we were done with the formalities- I told them that we would stay in Hunsdson for the time being. They all nodded, and went to their respective rooms, including Susan and Jane.

I felt bad for them, all of them. They had followed Philip's trek all the way to Hunsdson under horrible weather conditions to see their Mistress, not because Philip commanded him or because they were scared of what they could do, but because they wished to see me. All of my ladies I had the good fortune, that they had been very loyal to me. Sometimes too the extreme.

I remember the two ladies in my service whom Katherine Howard, a name that is almost forbidden in this house. One of them I received news a month after her dismissal from my service, her parents told me that she died of utter sadness for not being close to me anymore. I could not help but cry as well when I learned that Olivia Cutter had died -because of me.

_"It wasn't you Madame"_ -I would hear Chapuys' voice in my dreams telling me, he would give me comfort even in my dreams I would feel his broad shoulders as my head would lay to rest on one of them, his strong arms holding me as I would break in tears.

I walked upstairs, since I knew my bedchamber was now off limits thanks to Philip's little tantrums I decided I would take the guest room across our bedchamber. This guest room was much smaller but it would be enough for me, at least for now until Philip would left or his anger would.

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

"Master" I hear Fleming say. I open my eyes quickly.

"What?" I dodge my eyes away from Fleming, for the first time in weeks I have slept like a newborn. "This better be urgent Fleming" I warn him, or else I added, there would be hell to pay.

By now Fleming was used to my threats that he simply ignored my last one and he extended his hand out to my direction as I sat up. I looked at his hand in which there is a letter, I quickly take it.

"Aren't you going to examine it?" He asks curiously.

Yes I will when you are at, I mentally growled by I shake my head and say "later".

"It could be important" He says still standing next to me and looking at me attentively.

"Thanks for that Fleming I did not know you were now a soothsayer" I say sarcastically.

"No sir" he answers with a wide grin. "I am only doing my job"

"Then you would know your job is leaving ... about now" I point out sharply.

His grin disappears as well as his goofed expression and he excuses himself walking to the door. Until I do not hear the door click making sure it is really locked then I decide to open the letter and read through its contents.

My eyes widen as I finish it.

I began to cough violently, I cannot believe that she is doing this, that she is actually coming here again. I thought she would have been much smarter, but I berate myself for thinking that she could have come to her senses.

She had told him a week ago, and two weeks after they had parted from their lovemaking, that Philip had finally left Hunsdson and that since rumors were being started that war could soon rage over the major Christian nations, that her husband could be called to lead the campaign, of whoever they support the Empire or France, to ride alongside His Majesty commanding great parts of the troops.

Though I hate that man with all my soul, I cannot lie to myself and call him an incompetent when I know he has the prowess of being a good military leader, he has done a campaign before against the siege of Vienna, thirteen years ago which had earned him the Order of the Golden Fleece one of the highest honors and Orders to be bestowed.

But why did I my mind raged was she coming here now?

* * *

_"There is something that unite us. First it was passion, then it was absorption of your scent. When I smelled your hair, when your tongue invited mine into yours and when you laid your arms around me giving me comfort then I knew that you were my other half. My dark night. I was the moon, I was the stars and you were the dark heavens surrounding me making my existence possible" _

**~Black heaven by Carolina Casas (07/16/1998)**

_

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**_1542_, November 12th**

**Hunsdson  
**

When Mary knew that Philip would not come here until for at least one more week she decided to take her chances and travel to his cottage.

As she and Susan got to his cottage, they were greeted by Fleming who led them upstairs where an already dressed Eustace received them. Mary turned to her ladies and dismissed them in the same fashion that Eustace did with Fleming.

When they were finally alone and the door behind them, they heard a soft click confirming that it had been locked. Mary was the first one to walk up to him, careful not to make the pain in his leg more unbearable, as if it was by some unknown instinct that she was aware of his suffering, she extended her arms to him gently giving him an embrace. No matter how hard she tried to make the pain more tolerable, it still was the same. No love, affection or the longing they felt to be on each others arms could take away the pain from his accursed leg.

He hissed in pain even when they pulled away from their embrace.

"Excellency" she said becoming very worried.

They came to seat on their bed and he threw the cane, frustrated at the damn thing that only reminded him of his crippled state!

Mary felt like she had known him her entire life. When they met in secret so Cromwell could never know of their secret letters, letters that had to do with the Emperor her cousin, and her other cousin Mary of Hungary commonly known as the "Regent". Even when it had been dangerous he had always found a way to cheat Cromwell and his network of spies. Mary never understood how was it Eustace could survive, could deal with it all?

He told her that he was a survivor and that he was a man who took his job seriously, he would protect and speak for her cause because not only was it in their best interests, the Empire he would mean, but also he told her in the best interest for her and England -to see England rid from the Devil's influence and delivered to God's hand, that he said would make him even happier. Mary smiled when he'd said, she knew he meant it.

"Excellency"

"I am fine milady" he said a little too rude. But he didn't want to be seen as a cripple.

Mary sighed and she tried another approach "Eustace look at me" He looked at her, almost drawn by her voice and lost in her hypnotic stare, her piercing dark gray eyes looking into his bluer ones finally able to brake the last bits of glass that housed all his secrets, his true face. She was able to see for once the true face and through the soul of Eustace Chapuys, and with this victory at last hers she leaned forward and kissed him.

Victory was hers, yes it was, he acknowledged as he broke away from the kiss, and the pain momentarily subsiding, he pulled her closer to him in the longest embrace they ever had, before the gout returned and he flinched hissing in pain later, he ran his fingers through her loose dark hair, later kissing the back of her head as he began to get lost when his nostrils absorbed the scent of her perfume.

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

Those days that led astray my prophetic sense, into the cottage that she entered to hypnotize me with the intoxicating smell of her hair and the touch of her soft skin on her fingers as they moved to my face calling out to me, asking for me to touch her, to kiss her. I felt that all the pain in my bod could not be enough to keep me from her, and these thoughts of pure bliss assaulted my letters the morning afters when I found myself writing to her, letters that I could never find it in me to deliver for words could not express what I felt for her those nights that she spent in the cottage with me.

I lived besides her, mourning for her when I would wake up to find that she was not there. It was three nights and three days that she had lain besides me. One week after her husband had gone, I told her how dangerous it would be for the both of us if he found out, yet she said she could take it all if it was all for me. Only a naive fool would say that, and I had never taken her for a fool, naive maybe but never a fool. I urged her on the third night that she should go. -Go back to Hunsdson- I had said, but stubborn as her Tudor nature was, a trait I was sad to say she had to inherit from her equally proud and stubborn father, she refused to go.

Other persons, I began to say would begin to notice her nightly disappearances and such persons, mainly foreigners -I had hinted- would tell their Master.

I hit a nerve, she looked at me, I can see the betrayal in her eyes. I do not want to see her go. I cannot let her go, I cannot, but if I do not, then I know the consequences that awaits us both and if that were to happen I know that I would never forgive myself.

Our passionate lovemaking has won over our reason that last night as she expelled from me all last trace of common sense as she began to kiss me, and as I began to respond to the kiss I am suddenly transported to a green paradise where I can see emerging trees, majestic houses and as I let the last part of my clothing fall I feel moments after like I have reached what I called that night the epitome of pure bliss. It was the splendor, the glory, the feeling of being in a lusty green foam where I can see the midst of all doubt dissipating as I feel myself out of control once more and while my mind says no I can feel a dark voice in my chest telling me to let go and I find myself succumbing to that voice after I also hear Mary say "I love you" and I respond in two ways. First pulling her body closer to mine and the rhythm of our love and the passion that is not invisible to our desire I completely leg go of all my inhibitions.

Later when there is only sweat trickling from my forehead, as I wake up to the morning sun I see face against my right shoulder. She looks very beautiful, not immortal, not an Aphrodite. She is an authentic beauty not stained by malice, murder or moral delusions of remorse I cannot help but admire her heart's purity. I lower my head and kiss her softly on the brow whispering very softly "I love you" and then I close my eyes.

* * *

The next morning when he woke up he thought the words to be a complete work of his mind's fiction. The need to live an impossible dream -he convinced himself- was even more of a dream when Mary awoke the next morning with no memory of ever saying the words herself or even hearing Eustace's response of "I love you".

"They will be asking for you" He said. She nodded, they would be asking for her, however she did not want to go, but it was her own logic and ambition side that did the talk for her.

"I know, we can meet again"

Had Chapuys had the good common sense to say no a lot of trouble could have been spared, but it so happened that he was not that man, and she was not the woman to hear no for an answer.

"When it is safe"

"Safe?"

"Yes"

"And when is it safe for you Excellency?" Mary asked with a cool look.

All he really needed -he thought- seeing the dismissal of his answer in her darkened eyes and her cold looks. Couldn't he just have one peaceful and relaxing morning not having to wake up to more plaguing problems? No, this was something he had not been trained with the Duke of Savoy.

"Well?" Mary asked frustrated.

"Well Your Hihgness?"

"Are you going to answer me Excellency" It was amazing to hear the mood swings of her father, but another thing was leaving him.

When Chapuys did not answer, she got out of bed and went to put on clothes. She was tired of having to deal with Eustace's constant denial of their love. How hard was it to simply express his love in the simplest form with a simple phrase. "Three words" she said to him. "Only three words" but Eustace watched nothing as he watched her dress, her bare back all the while being the the only feature he was paying attention to.

After she covered all of herself with her heavy gown and she let her hair loose, she walked back to Chapuys, on the way there she had lifted his cane and told him to use it.

"Now you want to lecture me on my health?" He said pushing the cane aside. Only one day without having to deal with any nuisances he thought.

Mary rolled her eyes, why did he have to be so stubborn with this? If he did not want to say the simple three words to express his feelings then it was alright by her, but his cane? It made no sense, this was his health, this could improve or worsen his health depending on how much he used or -in this case- refused to his cane.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" She asked now more serious.

He sat up in bed. "Because I don't want to be reminded everyday of what I am now and then look at myself in the mirror and see ..."

See what?" Mary pressed.

How could he have expected her to understand this?

"Just leave the cane there"

"Excellency!" She began but she was cut off.

"Don't milady, just don't" what was it about her that was making him act like this? He had never felt so weak, so vulnerable yet she, she had unveiled through his soul, uncovered his mask and now he was without disguise without any lie to give her. She could do this to him, he thought, she was the only one who could see through his many masks of dissimulation, who would see through the man faces that he would wear at Court for her sake, his Master's sake and more importantly for his sake. Because by the end of the day Chapuys would always tell that it was him he was looking out for more, that she was still an ally, just a diplomatic means to an end for the Empire, but he knew he was only making a fool of himself still thinking this.

What Eustace thought was the best for the both of them seldom would he be right.

"Everyone lies, you are lying" She said suddenly striking a nerve and making him finally turn to see her again.

His eyebrows arched, shocked that his own words were now being used against him, he said -"Very clever" he could not help but later say to her, "you have become a good politician, you have spoken like one, I cannot imagine if I were to be pitied against you in a trial"

She snorted and let out a chuckle escape, he did not laugh but he did not need too as his small smile was more than enough to lighten the darker ambient they had brought from their early argument.

"Let us pray Eustace that never happens"

Good heavens no, he thought, and he could not help but say it aloud causing her to laugh even harder showing him her perfect white pearl teeth.

"You would lose" she said after her laughter died down.

He tilted his head and his smile became greater as he lastly said before they said their farewells "I would think it would be the other way around milady"

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**A/N: Next chapter I hope u like this chapter, and chapter 29 is going to be more complex, though there is going to be chary there is going to be more of the intrigue and politics, also talks of upcoming war, trouble brewing, trouble in paradise and trouble for all couples, yes that includes our favorite.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***What is mentioned here about POB being a great warrior, though POB might be exaggerating his greatness later on as you will see in other chapters, in real life the Count Palatine Philip Wittelsbach was actually not born in 1513 as I place his birth date in this AU. In real life he was born between 1503-1504.  
*Second Philip Wittelsbach, the real Philip at twenty five-twenty six year old he won the Order of the Golden Fleece as I mention in Shifting Paths, for fending off the Turks during the Siege of Vienna in 1529. In this story since Philip is ten years younger it makes him more of a military prodigy as he would have been 15-16 years old when he defended Vienna.  
*Some AU details, yes I am combining some AU details, historical dates some will be kept the same some will be adjusted to meet the show, for example Marillac's exit will be later as you have noticed, however don't expect him to really stay more than a year after his original departure from England. Sorry to Marillac's supporters but he is going to depart.  
*As what Chapuys is saying about the masks of dissimulation -that is taken by Lundell's dissertation "The Mask of Dissimulation: Eustace Chapuys 1536-1545" that Dani (SSLE) sent me last week and that we both read, thank you Dani for that it has helped me understand Chapuys' political character more, however as she mentions what I said in my last AN in her latest TTW chapter (40), if you want to know about the humanist Chapuys or wish to see a more in depth perspective to what might have been the relation between Chapuys and Mary, then that is not the dissertation for you -it does mention Mary however it does not go in depth. Neither does the Humanist Ambassador by Garett since that is more about Chapuys' quick background as well as his work after England.**

**To Queen Mary I of England:**

**Thanks for all of your reviews girl I really appreciate, I realize your last review on what you said about not all being fun and games to me and Dani and that we should always try to be objective while also adding some humanizing elements to our characters I think you tried to say, and I have to say I could not agree anymore. I try to do that even here, however when I become a historian (hopefully) I aspire to be a real professional. I am like Dani finding more about historical characters writing these stories. They have been a great help also doing more research, searching through JSTOR and through other websites for more articles and journals.  
Thanks for all your reviews, I love them I really do. :)**

**As for your last reviews about Chapuys being In Character, thanks I try so hard to keep him in character like he cannot say immediately I love you, and if he does Mary would not hear, like in this stance where he said it Mary was asleep so it doesn't count, and he was half asleep too so it is no wonder why he does not really remember saying it and dismisses it as part of a dream. I think staying in character, especially after you read about their real counterparts is the most important thing.**

**To all my reviewers thank you and remember:**

**REVIEW! EACH CHAPTER!**

**~Carolina  
**


	29. Contradicted notions

**Disclaimer: If I was God or Goddess Supreme I would own history and own every library and knowledge of the universe, so happens I am not so no I do not own nothing, only the plot.**

**A/N: Thanks to all my reviews and thanks to Dani -SSLE- for brainstorming with me for this fic and other great ideas.**

**The song for today though the lyrics are not included for this chapter is _Simple plan -"Your love is like a lie"__, _the lyrics simply fit this chapter, so I suggest you hear it while you read this chapter, and also with the two poems in this chapter add more to the effect I expect this chapter to have on you.**

**This chapter was going to be added tomorrow but I decided to do it early so I can have more time to study for Friday my last two exams, wish me luck guys! Just two days the summer II session is finally over!**

**kk, **

**I will leave with you with the chapter**

**~Carolina**

**

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**

_"Oh heartless lady, daughter of the sky,__  
help me in this solitary hour__  
with your direct armed indifference  
and your cold sense of oblivion_

_A time complete as an ocean,  
__a wound confused as a new being__  
encompass the stubborn root of my soul__biting the center of my security_

_What a heavy throbbing beats in my heart  
like a wave made of all the waves,  
and my despairing head is raised  
in an effort of leaping and of death._

_There is something hostile trembling in my certitude,  
growing in the very origin of tears  
like a harsh, clawing plant  
made of linked and bitter leaves."_

**~_Tirania_ (Tyranny) from:  
Residence in Earth by Pablo Neruda

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**

**1542,**

**November 29th.**

**Hampton Court Palace**

**(Eustace POV)**

I looked from the corner of where the Princess was standing next to her husband and her primordial ladies in waiting. Marillac –I thought- that despicable French man he was there to make my life miserable.

I turned the other way before his gaze could fall on me and I would be obliged to recognize his presence.

I (almost) literally ran out of the Court room until I realize that someone had called my name. That someone, I turn, was the Lady Susan, who bows her head, after the formalities she asks if he could have a word with me.

How can I say no? She would shout at me and chase me all the way to my chambers, even if the thought amuses me, I know it wouldn't later if I were to refuse her request now.

She acts like she is the one who is at lead here, starting the conversation with her Mistress –something that does not surprise me.

"Just look at them" Lady Susan says, I do not need to ask who **them** are, and no, I shake my head vigorously I do not wish to look at **them**.

But she continues oblivious or either she just ignores my facial expression as she turns to them, "They have the whole Court fooled, one would think they are their own Adam and Eve who had just given them their two new miracles" she then adds with disgust "I cannot comprehend, I do not fathom it Excellency how (not the why, that is much clear to me now) can she do this? How can someone not feel shame in their actions goes beyond me? Especially for a Princess!" she hisses in a low voice slowly shaking her head, I can see the disapproval in her eyes, " -the deception that we are all being participants, some of us I dare to say most unwillingly"

Her eyes return to focus on me awaiting my answer an examining my facial expressions of discontent carefully. What can I say to her that she does not know already? Of course I know that I am being premeditated with this, but the Princess does show no shame in her actions, people see her glowing next to Philip of Bavaria and they compare her –for Christ's sake- like she was Eve come back from the dead!  
It is absolutely ridiculous!

Does she not realize the ruins she will create if she continues with this charade?

No, my conscience tells me, that nagging little voice I have not heard since my father's death and my mother's strict instruction that transformed me into the man (sometimes I sadly have to look back with regret when I tell myself this) that I am today. She feels no shame, no remorse, she is not parted from morality yet she ignores it completely as the Duke –I finally turn to watch them in their open display of affection, it sickens me- kisses her brow.

I concur with the Lady Susan's logic. "What else can you do in a Court where deception comes naturally? The only thing left for a sane person here is to become insane." I say, my voice completely neutral

"Is that why you have survived so long Excellency, by reaching insanity like the rest of us?"

"If I have survived in this Court it has been through my wit and taking advantage of everyone I can use regardless of what little deluge I have left in morality" I say nonchalantly

The Lady Susan's eyes widen at my last words, and I cannot help but smirk, she should know by now that I will not say anything to incriminate me or her Mistress.

"You think this is all a game then?" She asks me in an accusatory tone and I suddenly become angry but she rolls back over my expression as she continues with her lecture, "We could all face the threat of the axe if she is discovered. You think you and my Mistress are the only ones to worry about losing? What about me? My children? have you given much thought about her other ladies? It would destroy the to know that their Mistress was having an amorous affair with an Imperial"

"I have given thought"

"No" she spluttered. "You have not and if you go away now it will be for the best"

"My decision to leave will be when the Emperor deems I am no longer necessary Lady Clarencieoux" -I hiss with full bitterness in my voice as I clutch my cane even tighter.

"Why do you not leave when you still can? You are only damaging her position by being here." She says nonchalantly

And thought I being to think of something to tell her she is wrong, I cannot help but stop and ponder on at her words. She is right. Staying here I am only damaging her, yet my hands could not bring themselves to to hit the ink against the paper, mainly because my deep down, something I did not dare to admit before, I cannot bear the thought of being away from her. It goes against everything I had sworn loyalty to, God the Emperor, and my mission but I cannot deny it any longer. If I leave now after all that has happened I will feel hollow inside, but yet if I don't I risk putting her and the alliance my Master wishes with the King in danger.

"No" I finally come to a decision. I will not leave, I will request my leave but only until my body cannot give more. So I say once more: "No. I will not leave my mission as chief lady in waiting you know how long it takes for another replacement to arrive"

"I cannot believe you are actually considering to ..." and she looks deeper into my eyes and I know she has realized the truth. "You are willing to risk everything for her Excellency?"

"Do I have a choice? If that is what Cesar asks me then I will obey my Master"

"But if he doesn't you will still look for another excuse won't you?"

"That is my private business" I say in a low, barely above a whisper.

* * *

_"Your tears flow and run away with hatred,_  
_hatred that your tears cry,_  
_tears that create rimes,_  
_rimes that create anger,_  
_anger that keeps coming from your eyes"_

~**"Lagrimas de odio" (Tears of Hatred), May 2003

* * *

**

"That is my private business" He said in a low voice, barely above a whisper. He wanted her to leave now before he said something that he would regret (if that was possible coming from him) later but Susan was not backing away, she was not yet over with her sermon.

"Is that the only thing you have to say Excellency?" She asks as he turns his head away from her effusively. Her mind screamed in frustration and she walked to where he could see her, he wasn't going to escape from her this time. He probably didn't understand what was at stake, and if he did he certainly was going a marvelous job acting as if he didn't care. "Milady's life is at stake, right now she is risen higher than any Lady in Christendom, but you know her father's mood swings, one day he could be happy and merry and the next he can be of be of the foulest mood that if you find yourself there next to him you know the phrase better start running or make yourself invisible."

Chapuys sighed with frustration. Where was this going exactly? Why couldn't the woman just say she was worried and stop all her chatter, did women have to do this, turn something very complicated like I am worried about you and give you a one hour sermon? He thought as he kept hearing her, seeing her lips move and speaking with even greater fervor than before as she began to mention another possible pregnancy.

Eustace's eyes widened as Susan mentioned it.

She noticed it and she could not help but think with a throbbing pain in her heart that she was fortunate to get through to him at last. She would berate herself later, maybe even go into confession but for now she would use whatever skills she had with lying to get to the Ambassador.

"She has failed to have her courses, they always run late but this time we have seen the change in her, it is very noticeable if one knows what to find Excellency, and besides we are women it is our job to notice" She said coyly.

As a mother she knew the signs of pregnancy, she did not need a midwife like Elsa de Goya to know. That old conversa, ex-jew might know all there is to know to delivering babies, but Susan knew more about when a woman was with child, she could almost predict without flaw what the sex of the baby would be. If men were only to trust in women, they could spare all themselves a lot of money and anguish being disappointed later with the soothsayers' failed predictions.

"Excellency" she said suddenly, feeling the presence of one pair of invasive eyes behind them, he felt it too and he did not need to know who it was.

He acted quickly, "I will take your words into consideration" He said gripping his cane tighter as he felt the insufferable presence of Marillac. The sound of his boots becoming louder it was clearer he was nearing them and if they wanted this conversation to remain secret he had to hurry her to finish as soon as she could before they were caught.

Susan did not care for Marillac at all, but His Excellency mentioning how dangerous his presence could be for him and when he mentioned the Princess, Susan could not help but flinch to think what Marillac could do if he found out about her little affair. He would no doubt use that to his master's favor, to blackmail her, urging her to push for a French betrothal between her older son and the Duke of Guise' eldest daughter Catherine de Guise.

The Lady Susan looks at him one more time. "Excellency" she bows then adding "think about what I said" she whispers and the walks away, returning to her Mistress side who was so caught up with the celebrations that she was oblivious to what was going on around her.

He could hear the footsteps of Marillac better now, he was getting closer and as he pondered on what Susan had said. If they were found out it would be the end of them, but if they continued on with their affair, considering how careful they had been so far, especially Eustace, there would be no trace that anything had ever existed between them when he would leave England -hopefully this time, he thought, forever.

Looking away from the Princess and her husband's direction he looked over to the King's direction whom next to him was the Queen, leaning forward to his ear she whispered something that made the King lightly chuckle.

The way these Royals take advantages of commoners, of their loyal subjects made his stomach turn upside down.

How we look at these people -he thought -can carry them on our shoulders and then we put them on a pedestal. We worship these people as Gods, we believed their fleshes to be sacred but deep down they are nothing but mortals, vulnerable and weak just like the rest of us ... _like myself._

* * *

Mary had been enjoying every praise and every moment that her father looked at her approvingly, even Kitty Howard had to throw her a smile.

Let them envy me, for I hold the next savior in my hand. Like the Goddess Hera, she felt the Queen of the Gods, as a Goddess of Fertility -she was equated with the mighty Hera and while Kitty might be Venus the Goddess of love and desire her womb was empty without life and Mary was soaring with life and her spirit would soar higher than all of these women, she could hear the people outside the palace clap louder and louder as she was next to the window with Philip holding her hand. She turned to look at the Londoners gathered outside her father's gate. They were singing in praise of the Virgin Mary, they were calling out to Holy Madonna, they were calling out to Mary.

It was clear the people loved her, and they looked up to her as their next savior their messiah reborn in the flesh of a woman.

Mary did not know how to feel with that outrageous idea.

"They love you" She heard Sophie say.

Yes they love me. Their screams, their chants it is almost intoxicating. Instead of Madonna, instead of Virgin Mary I can hear them say Princess Mary, Princess Mary ... Queen Mary I.

Queen Mary the First of England, Lady of Ireland, our Majesty, Queen of England -she loved the way it sounded, it made perfect rime with her dreams.

Her mother's dream, she reminisced -would finally become a reality.

Now there was no way in denying it that she was God's rightful heir. As much as she loved her brother, he was too young and too weak. Bishop Latimer, one of her few friends at Court had said how the Prince was very weak, he said that England would benefit more if they had a strong, mature and more powerful leader like she.

She could not have said it better than Latimer. England needed stronger leadership, England needed her and she needed to fulfill her destiny the destiny her mother had put on her shoulders before she had been sent to Ludlow Castle in the Welsh Marches as the unofficial Princess of Wales. She had never been invested as at Princess of Wales, but given that her father had given Ludlow Castle and a small Court of her own to rule she and her mother had thought that this would mean for sure that she would become invested and that she would be on her path to become the next King, the first woman ruler -a woman with the heart of a King that people would soon forget about her gender. They would all worship her -she said to herself as she imagined herself, now her gaze centered on where her father was next to his "whore" Kitty. The throne would soon have a new person sitting on it, she knew it was not meant to be her yet she could not help but imagine herself on it, the crown of her father and of many who had gone before him being put on her head by a true bishop, Bishop Latimer.

If only ... she thought, she would have been named Princess of Wales, it would have been impossible for her father to discard her or her mother.

* * *

Philip with dread did not dare to think what was going on with the rest of the world. He knew that in a few days he could go to battle, that the King had every intention to go to war with France. Philip wondered why was it, if the King had every intention to go to war with France and ally himself with the Empire (something Philip wasn't too keen on doing since the Empire had been his family's enemy, the oppressors behind his Country's constant struggle to free itself from the Hapsburgs. The whole lot of them he hated them with a passion. The thought of joining them in battle was unbearable. He had to since his father in law would surely command of Philip given his expertise and medals of honor awarded for fending off the Turks from Vienna, but he personally would never forgive himself for fighting side by side with the Emperor); why was it that he was keeping Marillac, the French Ambassador? For all means and purposes the man should have been kicked out of England ages ago if it was the King's intention to make an enemy out of France again!

But then, hearing the Queen's laughter and the look she gave to the King when this looked at Marillac's direction (who was currently in deep conversation, Philip noted by the look both men shared, with the Imperial Ambassador) he understood that as long as the Queen remained by his side, the King would never let the Ambassador go.

He wanted to please his new pearl in every way, and so far his pearl he figured as she leaned to his ear and whispered (he could only guess what she was whispering), that Philip realized that no matter how empty her womb may be, as long as the King got his heirs through him and Mary he would forever be content next to the youth -that had made him feel youthful again- of Kitty Howard.

Kitty Howard had done what no other woman before her, not even her cousin the infamous and vivacious Anne Boleyn had done, to make the King feel not only young and passionate again, but make him smile, make him see that there was more to this world than just blood and gore that he had brought unto his Country.

Mary hated Kitty because she made her father merry, because she had changed his mood swings. But Philip saw that her hatred was not well justified, on the contrary it was ridiculous to say the least, Mary only hated her because Mary had not only been displaced by Anne Boleyn's cousin, but she had been displaced by a woman (he had to admit) far more graceful and charitable than what Mary could ever hope to be.

He hoped that one day his wife would understand, that she would look back at her mistakes and finally admit that she was wrong to judge Kitty Howard and all the people, including him -he hated to think, that she still called Heretics and in her heart she would find it in her to forgive and forget all that had been done to her, for it did her no good to live in anger. Be what her father was, be what may that had been done to her or how God had wronged her through his faithful servants, she as everyone else were only pieces in a bigger game of destiny. Mary understood that very well yet she refused to acknowledge that she was as insignificant as the rest of her future subjects, in her mind she still thought that one day she could become Queen, the Queen of Hearts and not the Queen of Hearts as she imagined sometimes in her nightmares.

Her nightmares would be plagued with images of her sitting on a pedestal with a crown of thorns on her head, her brow being kissed by none other than the concubine Anne Boleyn and hearing Kitty laughing behind her as she would say to Mary "now you lie in the cold ground below us Mary, how does that feel Lady Mary" and she would go on to laugh, to taunt Mary with her children mentioning how Philip's offspring would never be King, that it would be her bastard sitting on the throne of England begetting more bastards like the grandfather whom had seeded her and her siblings.

No! She would say to these dreams. Her son, her Henry would never be King. He could not, she hoped she really hoped that the prospect of Philip being King would be closer to everyone's minds than Henry's but as she saw around her, around her father how with a roaring laughter he almost mentioned the name of Henry, her younger son, she knew here and there that Henry would soon not only win her grandfather's heart, he would also win his step grandmother's heart -even if she was repulsive to him now, sooner or later Kitty's charm would bewitching as it had bewitched Philip and her older son.

"To our son" She heard Philip say, she turned to him pushing all her past thoughts away. Following the old council of her youngest two ladies in waiting, Jane and Sophie, she smiled at Philip and let the past go, for once not thinking about her past troubles.

"For King Philip" Mary said raising her goblet that had not bee touched since a servant boy had come earlier to pour ale on it.

As her goblet was raised so was his, and they gave a quick toast with a low voice for their son, however Mary noted that when Philip called for a toast he did not mean his oldest son at all, but Henry. In that boy he had seen determination, he'd heard the strong heartbeat when he'd cradled the baby in his arms, that could only be compared to that of a strong Monarch like his grandfather. Whenever his grandfather was close the boy would reach up his arms for his grandfather, he craved his approval, his attention and the older man whose heart was still warm after a night spent with his young Venus would with strong effort reach for his son, the nurses attentive would rush next to the King as his servants, careful that the King would not drop the baby and injure him, or worse, that the King would injured himself losing balance.

The King was in fact very proud of his grandson.

* * *

Because of the people's loud chattering his and Marillac's conversation went unnoticed.

"It is something spectacular this talk of war" Marillac said.

Chapuys felt like he was being thrown to a Roman Circus with Marillac being the tiger in chains the others -his logic and his common sense- holding him back before he launched himself at him and tared him to pieces.

Chapuys was always prepared with a sword in his hand that were his words and a common sense that could easily rival if not crush Marillac's pride.

Chapuys remained motionless however, this was not the right time to unleash his sword at the crouching tiger, he would wait for Marillac's common sense and logic side to leave him, when that would happen he would unveil his sword and swing through Marillac's throat silencing the French Ambassador once and for all.

"A beginning you said months earlier is the time that every balance is set, it is the time we should all be considered, however I think it is fair to say there is never a beginning in this Court, everything here is always the end. Look people here in the English are very wise, they know that learning is difficult yet they are very easy to be misguided by their enemies and-" Marillac stopped looking at Chapuys who had began to laugh.

"You find something funny Excellency?"

Chapuys pressed both his lips together forming a very thin red line. He was finding it very hard not to laugh at Marillac's poor argument for it did not carry any wisdom in it. He was criticizing English logic and wisdom! He could have barked more in laughter at the young Ambassador. If he only knew, been here as much as he was, he would have understood there was no real logic in the English logic.

Men use their brains to make their own logic independent of what the universe's real logic is. Men wanted to create their own world, their own rules and their own reality. They did not want to accept that the real logic that ruled the universe was God's ultimate law and that was that life was never fair, good or bad person life would always stab you in the back but these people -Eustace mused- they wanted to be like the God of lightning, agents of their own fates and their King especially he had the audacity to name himself God's vicar. With the authority of God in his hands he was master and commander of the universe, he could create his own reality and impose it on his subjects, and his subjects eager to get some of his glory would bow their heads without question executing his orders. He could have expected this from heathens, from Sultans but never from a Christian Monarch, even a Heretic~

Chapuys finally stopped his laughter as he saw some Courtiers divert from their merry chatter to turn their attention to the two bickering Ambassadors.

He cleared up his throat and took one step closer clutching his cane even tighter.

"No Excellency" he responded to Marillac's earlier question. "I do not find anything funny" he said truthfully.

Marillac looked at him with an incredulous expression making Chapuys mentally roar with laughter. It was a good thing that he knew how to control his emotions otherwise he would have burst out laughing at Marillac's expression which he found priceless. How could a man as trained as Marillac not see through the sarcasm?

"You see Excellency reality is as it is. You might disguise it with your own truth, you might lie to yourself, you might pretend to be wise, you might pretend these men you see before are wise but you just did a grave mistake in calling them wise, and you did not notice your mistake in your last sentence"

"Oh really what is that?"

"That you called them easily guided by their enemies. I do not see wisdom in the minds that are easy to be controlled. Such minds, malleable they are prove no amusement even for the devil"

"Excellency has become a philosopher. Be careful with that, Socrates died by his own hand and his own venom" Marillac reminds Chapuys.

As Chapuys sees that Marillac begins to turn away, no doubt he is ready to leave -Eustace addresses him one last time reminding him that he is still an amateur in this game of politics and intrigue. -"Excellency Socrates died after many years of overcoming all perils, you should know that Socrates knew since the beginning when he defied authority, the consequences of this action. Yet Socrates was willing to sacrifice his life unable to live in a society that wanted to disguise reality with their own distorted vision"

"You consider yourself Socrates then?"

"No Excellency unlike Socrates I am not a fool to die for an ideal, love and loyalty mean nothing for me unless there is gain for my master ..." Eustace pauses looking over Marillac's shoulder briefly to see the Princess laughing with her husband. He looks back at Marillac and he adds "or for me"

Marillac pressed his very thin (if it was possible they could be even thinner) lips together unleashing every emotion that he had restrained himself from showing the Ambassador so far through his eyes looking at Eustace with pure hatred.

Eustace merely gave him a cynic smile as he lastly said -"Good day Excellency" And he left for his bedroom feeling the throbbing pain of his gout strike him again as he walked.

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

He always took it on the chin for a while -Eustace Chapuys. He wanted to prove he was man enough to face everything, Mary had no doubt that he was, but deep within he knew that he could not be all powerful, that deep within him lied there lied a dragon that was becoming more of a threat than his impulse to protect the ones he loved.

When I was sixteen I remembered when I first met him. As a girl who had just had her world broken, my father left my mother and my mother, my poor mother who now lies on the cold ground six feet under me, in a burial so unfit for a Queen, a burial I could never attend, I remember back then as with my mother's death he was there after Madge Shelton gave me the news that she died saying she loved me and that I was her ever most precious gift for she considered me a miracle.

I knew there were all lies. Everything that I had heard from him were lies -but there were lies that comforted me when I needed them the most because the truth was too ugly for me to face. To this day I will admit I will never hear the truth, and I will never admit no fault of mine that it was my immature feelings of vengeance and resentment over Elizabeth when she was born and when she became my father's favorite, shortly after Kitty came to the throne next to His Majesty that allowed me to open my heart too late to recognize the Ambassador's prowess, or our mutual feeling that had lain hidden for so long.

I think, it was me that mostly repressed these feelings. I wanted to believe that he was my friend, my ally and that he was only doing this service, allowing for our friendship to flourish because it was his now I see, and perhaps I saw earlier while on the woods that I was wrong. He saw more than a Princess that day and I saw more than an Ambassador. I saw not a politician or a business man, or a diplomat but a man **_in love_. **I know how ridiculous and God -I blaspheme mentally now- I curse myself for it, for saying and admitting this ugly truths but he said that reality was only hard when we never come to accept what God gives us, and now I know he is right.

I wanted to understand love, but I also dread for its entrance, I was fearful that if it entered into my life I would perish with it like so many women who had let love enter their lives, those who had fallen for my father for example, they were all bad example of love being uncaring and destructive. I did not want to suffer that same fate.

Alas, fate had different plans for me. My love did not become as unrequited as I had thought, though it could have come through other means and not the way it suddenly came, I was no longer ashamed of it, what my heart felt, what _we_ felt for each other

_"A process that is stopped can never be fully understood until we fully follow, experience is our best teacher as is doubt. When we decide to reach a top of the mountain Princess how can we know it is a mountain, how can we know that our journey led to where we wanted? When you are on top you can never see the mountain, therefore how prove it is a mountain? Only when you are down when you test the mountain, tests its ridges, feel the rocks and feel your blood run through your hands, only through hardship can we know that our destination has finally been reached"_

It is not enough to reach the top without having known or experiencing the trials and tribulations that come before greatness, and even greatness she understood from his lesson spoken not too long ago before I'd met Philip, there comes greater responsibilities, hardships and tasks one must do as King or Queen to ensure that his or her rule is a responsible and just one.

That, by the way, was another factor in the logic of greatness.

It was not an easy burden to bear, the burden of the crown and always being in the shadow of destiny -of which Jane and Sophie liked to boast too much, but among which boast was always carried in hush whispers behind my back -that I only knew because Susan was always there to spy on the two best friends-, that when I was finally placed on the line of succession they would be the next in line as well to becoming the greatest ladies in England as I as Queen they would have the honor of becoming my more important ladies. Though I laugh at this last part I cannot help but find some truth in this argument. With my rise those who had supported me would rise as well, and I knew that Jane was ambitious, but Jane's ambition was often beaten by her loyalty of me, and Sophie though, she was much more different than Jane. In contrast to Jane, Sophie was sly and extremely cunning -and I had begun to have my suspicions of her since Eustace had said that she was Marillac's spy. I still doubted this, but there were times that I saw that malicious glint in her eyes that I could not help but wonder if Eustace's words were true or not.

When the music had finally stopped, it was like the ambient around us had suddenly turned mellow and nobody looked at me anymore nor at the Queen. Instead they all returned to their chambers, night had come and it was very late.

I, Philip and the rest of my ladies walked me to my chambers. I knew Philip would dismiss them. I did not mind this, since I really did wish to be alone this time -and when he finally did I began to take of my necklace, my pearl earrings and the diadem of black gemstone that had earlier adorned my loose hair. When every jewels was finally taken I realized that there was one jewel that when I put down on the wooden surface of the furniture facing the mirror that I had not taken my fingers of it yet. It was the pendant that I had worn on my dress on the day of my wedding, the same pendant that I had taken to Hunsdson and that _he_ had torn from me on the day we made love on the woods. _Angel of Wales_ -I said aloud bringing Philip's attention who was already under the covers.

"What?"

I turned to him my fingers parting from the pendant. "Nothing" I said and I come next to him.

"Mary when are we going to be honest with each other?"

When you begin to recant your heretic faith and come to your senses that nothing good can come from your friendship with those Heretics!

"I am tired Philip, go to sleep"

"Mary"

"Please Philip I am very tired" I say to him more forcefully this time.

He does not lay close to me this time, I can feel him next to me but he is very close to the corner of the bed that I was sure if he moved he could fall but I didn't say anything. I don't want to -the less we say to each other the better it is for him and especially for me.

"Good night" he says, I find no emotion in his voice, no desire, no longing, I am tempted to turn around to see if I can find some emotion in his eyes, but I don't -I know I will find nothing there. So instead I pretended not to hear his other goodbyes by shutting my eyes tightly to give the impression that I was already under a profound sleep, and it worked as by the time I opened back my eyes he was already fast asleep.

I remained awake. After he fell asleep I had remained glaze eye-ed. Only one part of my brain was conscious -and it was the part that made me remind Eustace. Less than two weeks since we had seen each other and it was a nightmare being here without him I finally admitted. I could not sleep, eat or drink right without him. But,oh joy! I had discovered that I could be with child.

Just the thought of having another life sleeping inside me set me nervous. What would _**he **_think when he knows this?

I know he will not forgive me, more importantly I know _**he**_ will not forgive himself this time. We had learned to ignore the problem of Henry, we had no longer discussed it on our nights together, it had become nothing but a memory. To the world he was Philip's son and my father's favorite, I would hear him call Henry his prodigal son, sighing with eyes having that longing gaze when he would look behind Henry's shoulder at my little brother Edward -poor Edward I reflected. He was being pitted against my youngest son, and my Henry he was growing to be too much like my father and I was sure that nothing could come out of it. I prayed every night that Philip would live to adulthood or at least if God forbid, he dies young that he has already married and begotten a son, not a daughter but a son so he will not leave the throne to_ his brother_ Henry.

And worst of all is that I have not lain with Philip and whenever I wait for the right moment to do so, I can find myself not able to do it, I fall asleep or make myself pretend that I am asleep so he will fall asleep too and leave me be for the night.

I fell prey to anger as my hand travels up and I find my fingers touch my lips. I have made him suffer I now realize, I have pretended to enjoy it because I told myself that it was all his fault, that he should have never said those things to me, but the more I think about it the more I had come to realize that he did not do it out of anger. He was a man who lived and would die for politics, but he was also a man I realize who would risk everything for friendship. The battle over Erasmus' pension after the old Archbishop of Canterbury -Warham- had died was proof enough that he had put his position in the line for his friend, and even the late Erasmus, Chapuys would tell me, had referred to him as his most dear friend.  
In that evidence I put my mind at ease and with that I finally close my eyes realizing that no matter what happens, tomorrow would be one day more, and one day more that where I would see him. One day more ...

* * *

**A/N: This is chapter 29 I hope you liked it.**

**Of course how could I ignore my Poet idol Pablo Neruda?  
**

**Now the last part one day more was inspired (Dani you made me now a fan of the musical I just watched all the show! and the clips!) by Les Miserables, if you haven't seen it you should just type Les Miserables 10th year celebration, the song "One day more" at the end being sung by every language and the lyrics really inspired me.  
**

**What Chapuys says to Marillac and what Mary remembers Chapuys say about greatness, responsibility, destiny and experience is actually inspired by my favorite science fiction author (after Asimov) of all time -Fran Herbert in his Dune saga. In fact Paul Mua'dibs quote as described by Irulan his wife and historian always scream Chapuys, but of course I modified a lot of it to fit more into what Chapuys would say.**

**Warnigs, some spoilers: Next Chapter 30 will be updated next week, and just to warn you. It will be dark and it will contain yes a heavy load of Chary but it will bring many surprises.**

**Quick Fact vs Fiction:**

***What I have included in Chapter 26 about Chapuys' hatred for the French, I have nothing against them really, but if I want to make this real I have to put his prejudices as his favoritism and not just his when I am writing historical fiction is what I am entitled to do to keep that level of realism and the credibility in the story with all the characters. And in real life Chapuys hated the French, and those who have access to JSTOR like me or other means to find "Humanist Ambassador" or other journals on this brilliant politician will find he did threaten in real life to disown her niece, the name I gave her and her age though are made up, his threat is not.  
*Also what Chapuys implies in Chapter 28 that he was put in the middle of a custody battle and for his shares after his father died actually did happen.  
**

**Now a reminder:**

**REVIEW! each chapter**

**~Carolina  
**


	30. Things we never thought we could be

**A/N: Thanks to all who have reviewed, you make this fic possible guys!**

**Now I said it would be Thursday but it became too irresistible to let this wait sooo long. So here you have.**

**This coming week we will have more updates, Morgian8 already has hers In Plain Sight, SSLE (Dani) Take this waltz will have hers coming up, and ArtemisSamhain In the shadow of the tudor court is already up.**

**kk,**

**I leave you with the chapter and the song for today, though the lyrics are not included in this chapter, is Here is gone by the Goo goo dolls especially since this chapter is very emotionally charged, don't skip read it all through hearing this song.**

**~Carolina**

* * *

"_But understanding doesn't imply love. Maybe the more you understand someone, the more that someone disgusts you"_

**~ From Octday by Tie Ning**

* * *

**1542, November 29th**

**Hampton Court Palace**

Philip let his arms fall on her breast where she had later removed them earlier. The touch of his soft fingers on top of her nightgown … Mary felt it empty.

Her husband was always the last to heard the good news, especially when she was pregnant. When she had first been with child, it had been her maids who'd been the first ones to know, then came the Queen, back then the noble Anne of Cleaves a woman Mary had come to love as much as a sister seeing how sweet and pure of spirit she was; finally it had been Philip and her father who knew. Hard to say if it had been because she had subconsciously wanted to surprise him, or because it was that she still had felt timid of his intimate presence in her bed.

Their bed –not his, not hers but theirs, Mary did not share these feelings with Philip. In the last year of their marriage he was behaving as if he owned everything she had been given by her father and Cromwell. He loved to brag, he loved to show off their offspring, especially Henry, how he loved that boy as if he was the messiah he would parade him –whenever he had the chance- around the Court, the other people saw him as if he was their messiah as well.

Her father especially saw little Henry and praised him as if he was the son he wished he could have, his Duke of York, she could hear him say deep within his mind whenever he saw her Henry, would be just like him.

Mary had to work hard not to laugh at her poor father, after all these years the King was still sure in all his arrogance that he could beget a child from that sterile yet alluring mare, Kitty Howard.

The way that wife of his behaved herself with her children, you would think she had been the mother and Mary –the surrogate womb whom had carried Kitty's children for nine months.

Kitty wanted to take full custody of her children, and she was scared that if she asked for it her father would grant it. He granted everything to her. She only had to snap her fingers once or let out another tantrum for him to give in.

_If I had not given in_ –Mary thought going back to their first time when she and Philip had laid together after their wedding to consummate their sacred union.

At last came the day when she came to face to face with a locked door, locked from the inside and she could not help but thank that locked door for its rebuff that she had immediately fled to Hunsdson where without permission she stayed for an entire month without any news of her husband or her father, best of all there was no Kitty Howard there or her brainless favorite Joan Bulmer to bother her.

It was during that month that Eustace Chapuys had come, as a mercenary to recollect his bounty, convince her that an Imperial betrothal was the best for her eldest son, the bounty as any bounty hunter he thought would come easy in front of a women he thought was already defeated by her lack of maternal instinct. She proved to be a challenge when she denied him that she felt nothing for what was being done to her, she tried to behave herself in the same stoic manner he had seen her many times before Philip of Bavaria had arrived into THEIR lives and disrupted the _friendship_ between again.

Really, she thought, resenting that time when she had accused him of being an opportunist, though the word never escaped from her lips the way she had implied he had always been working for the good of Rome, for the good his Master forgetting their friendship had really stung him, and from those words came afterward their passion –unleashed and untainted by any strings of morality or doubt they grazed their bodies against one another's, her entrance her womanhood pleading for his manhood to claim as his, he had not hesitated and when he had entered her, it had been too late to turn back as he had released all of himself in her and afterwards they had become one in body and soul he laid asleep, his head on top of her chest to feel her heartbeat making sure that his mind and her heart were joined.

It sounded make believe, and more like a fairy tale but it was all true, and as Mary thought of all of her life to this culminating point where she realized she did not want Philip arm on her breast, she pulled away from his soft arms and got to the near end of the bed where finally away from Philip's reach she allowed herself to rest.

_Philip her husband_, she thought before going asleep, what weird sense of humor fate must have to put Philip by her side.

No, not fate –another voice in her head said- It was you remember?

_Yes it _was –she said, admitting what she had been afraid to admit in her short years of marriage to Philip.

But really though, could the voices inside her head, both her conscience and that other dark voice that spoke for God (her subconscious) –could they really blame her for what she had done to _betray _and before that marry Philip? It was he, or rather the friends who now dominated their lives, who had condemned her to live out her miserable existence as an exile in this Heretic Kingdom where the true church men who belonged to her faith were being persecuted for being truth and loyal to their church father, the Pope and to God, where she was also forced to chose between this fate or to follow a suffocating, almost cruel regime under her father (though Mary blamed this most on Cromwell since he had been the main Architect for her father's separation from Rome), where she would always be his subject and his Heretic's councilors' slave. Mary had no choice but to follow the latter, it had been Chapuys though who had convinced her she would do the Country much good if she was alive, _"because" _he said _"if not then you would surely be put to death by His Majesty"_

Mary had not believed it at first, but seeing the intensity of his eyes when he spoke this and his defeated voice, she became convinced there was no other way, and besides he reassured later –the pope would give her a dispensation to erase this grievous offense against her mother when she had decided to sign that bloody Oath which said that she was the product of an incestuous affair.

"_As long as I live I will never forgive myself"_ She had said and the Ambassador's withdrawn eyes from her, had refused to acknowledge her sadness, yet in his brow she had noticed that it was drenched with cold sweat. Back then she did not give it much importance, but now as the memory resurfaced she realized that there had been more than his words that kept her alive. It had been that expression of worry that had made her signed, more than her fear and more then her worries, it had been his own_ worries_ for her that propelled her to sign and therefore condemn her soul.

She had never said thank you, she always thought that signing the Oath had been her curse and her downfall from grace, but now six years later she realized that if she had never signed the Oath she would never have felt his

But for two years cloistered from the outside world, banned from her charity work, and with only her ladies and (recently) Eustace to keep her company, she felt he had reached a point in her life in where she had come to a decision that no more. Two years that had been nothing than bearing children and receiving praise for the male children she brought the Kingdom instead for her intellect, something she yearned to be recognized from, she decided that she would no longer bow to the rules of Philip, or to the rules of other of the Heretics he bowed to now.

With Eustace Chapuys, her old friend, her old colleague, her old platonic love now turned lover. With him by her side Mary had known what it meant to be loved, wanted and needed. Even if it had only been for four brief nights, those nights for her had lasted an entire lifetime.

It was a sweet sin the double life she and Eustace were leading behind their masters' back, something that –they agreed- must never be suspected and least of all found out, for it would lead to both their dooms.

She could not give up on her life for Eustace now. If she abandoned him, she would feel her life wither away, and –she thought turning to the other side to stare directly at sleeping form- she could not easily pretend that there had been nothing, for their affair was not a simple affair, Mary was convinced that what they have is love, a love so powerful that not Philip nor anyone could take away from her.

Finally her eyelids became heavier as an image of _**him**_ came to her head. Mary found herself quickly succumbing to exhaustion. When she finally fell asleep his name had escaped from her dry lips.

"Eustace" it was whispered softly making Philip stir as though what he heard was part of a horrible nightmare.

* * *

For two days Mary and Philip rarely spoke.

On those two days she had ordered Susan to bring Dr. Butts, unbeknownst to Philip, to examine her and to confirm whether or not she was with child.

To her luck, the Doctor said that she was not with child, that it was just another fall back she was experiencing, very natural he said, given how quickly she had fallen pregnant and stressed she had been lately. She had dismissed the Doctor and asked him not to say anything to her husband, she did not want him to be disappointed –the Doctor agreed having known Mary from a long time.

Since she was not pregnant, Mary felt a strange sense of fulfillment, that she had avoided spending nine more months of torture having to carry another cuckold to Philip Wittelsbach's cradle. Even if that would have been child could have half of Tudor blood in him or her, it –she knew- would be just another one of her lies, and she didn't in all truth wanted to carry with another lie and cheat on Philip by having to carry Eustace Chapuys' cuckoo.

Her lips twitched into a smile as she remembered these past two days' events.

They would arrive at Court where she would laugh and grace him with her presence at Court letting his arm fall around her waist giving the appearance that they were a happy couple, deeply in love with each other. Everyone around them could not help but sigh and others could not help but look at them feeling green with envy because they wished to have what they have –love.

The whole world knew of her great marriage to Philip; there was no secret about that.

Nobody talked about it, but they knew, everyone did, including that brainless harlot Kitty Howard, that their marriage was on the rocks. Surely though, her father the great Henry VIII, would be pleased as soon as he heard that she would be bearing him another child, another boy –she thought displeased bringing a hand to her lifeless stomach.

_Pregnant yet again … Oh the joy of it! -_Mary thought sarcastically hoping she would not be pregnant anytime soon..

It was all an elaborate lie that they created quite well.

On their high thrones, her father's Consort at least could see past the King's eldest bastard daughter' trained smile. It both annoyed and puzzled the Queen how someone like Mary could deny the Duke's love and affection. It did not make any sense.

But with the cold Duchess and bastard Royal, Kitty mused, hardly everything made sense.

It was not fair for the Duke, Kitty thought; considering he had given up his Country, his friends, his family everything for her. He had raised her higher than any man possibly could have. They were parents to two of the most beautiful children Kitty had ever seen and yet she acted so shallow as if she cared for nothing else but power and her never ending ambition to become Queen.

_Pity,_ Kitty felt for the Duke of Bavaria, having to live _each day_ next to a woman whose heart was so hard that if Kitty bet her life on it was to drive a lance right through it could break.

Chapuys felt after the celebrations honoring more of the Princess' fertility had ended, that life had never been greater for him and for Mary as they had agreed on another encounter on his cottage. She had asked permission from her father _and_ of Philip (she added on her letter), to stay in Hunsdson for a few days. Her father had said yes, and Philip had no choice but to say yes as well. Their son Henry would be there, but she already gave instructions in another letter to Elsa, to take care for the remainder of her time she would spend in Chapuys' cottage.

* * *

**Chapuys' Cottage  
(Near Hunsdson)**

With its dour and gray skies; Chapuys never felt life at England be more dull, but it was the moment that she came through the entrance door of his cottage (the day after she had arrived in Hunsdson) that once Fleming had announced her presence to him the skies cleared up at the sound of her voice.

He realized then that she had become his sunlight, his light out of the darkness, and that he could not saturate her from his heart, as much as it was difficult to admit, he wanted her to be in his company and vice verse.

After they exchanged pleasentries, he said to her in the best neutral way possible to avoid the prying eyes from her two best maids, Susan and Jane, that he had important things relating to her cousin, his Master that had to do with her son's betrothal, of course his lady agreed and regrained herself from being too obvious simply saying "I will be content to discuss the matter in private Excellency" and she followed him later upstairs where after he closed the door they embraced each other and quickly he kissed her softly on her lips, after they parted they walked to the bed where his leg aching in pain soon soothed itself as she throwed his belt and began ripping off the rest of his clothing that she threw to the floor. He did the same, he could not stop himself. He began to loosen the strings of her back dress, finally taking it down he pulled it down around her hisps, then after came the rest and now were fully naked.

They were under the silken sheets covering themselves, yet as she came to be on top of him she shuddered as one convulsion came when he felt his thrusts deepen, she brought her hands to his shoulders squeezing harder.

He stopped himself before it would be too much for her -or for him. Who knew how long they would have, he did not want one night to be started too fast, he wanted to save the best part for last, and besides, he wanted to admire her eyes and watch her instead.

**

* * *

**"_A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking, __Hmān__, as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory another. It is all one thing. The __séroni__ could say it better than I say it now. Not better than I could say it in a poem. What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure, as the __crah__ is the last part of a poem. When you and I met, the meeting was over very shortly, it was nothing. Now it is growing something as we remember it. But still we know very little about it. What it will be when I remember it as I lie down to die, what it makes in me all my days till then–that is the real meeting. The other is only the beginning of it.__"_

**~Hyoi (character) from CS Lewis in his work "Out of the Silent Planet"**

* * *

**Hunsdson State**

Philip did not know why the confusion of when he went to Hunsdson to visit his wife. It was the year of our lord 1542, only three more weeks he thought, and it would be Christmas, he could not understand why everyone was greeting him with those solemn faces, by the looks of it you would think someone had died!

He snickered as he saw his own German servants scurry to the kitchen as they saw him entering the parlor.

He expected his wife to be back from their bedchamber at any moment. He supposed taking care of little Henry had kept her up all night;; he could only imagine how handful the little tot could be for her. She wasn't exactly patient where he was concerned with Henry.

He allowed himself to sit down in one of the biggest couches in the parlor, it wasn't exactly comfortable but it had the best pillows to match the bright blue colors of its cushioned seats, and it was spacious which was what Philip liked the most in furniture, more than comfort and cushioned seats was that it had to be spacious otherwise Philip would not have it in his domains. Mary was the entire opposite, the only reason why the pillows covered the entire couch was because she said she needed comfort, and she said without something soft to sit on she would not sit on it.

His wife, he mused, she was truly one of a kind, but he could not recall one time he could be annoyed with her for it was that feisty spirit of her that he fell in love with in the first place.

He could not explain it, but it was not her beauty, it was not the attraction, physically he meant, that pulled him toward her, it was something else –an inner beauty that she possessed that he had seen –so far- no other woman in his travels, including this Kingdom have.

It had been two days now since he had last seen his wife, just two days ago early in the morning she said she would leave for Hunsdson, under an excuse -unbeknowst to him that it was an excuse- that she needed some time alone and that she was not feeling good. He had asked if she was alright? She said that everything was fine, she only needed some time in the Country, he and her father had agreed he saw no harm on it, but later thinking of his wife all alone in Husdson and having to deal with theri child's cries, even if his nurses were there with him, Philip knew how Mary could easily lose her patience over the baby's first cries. The more he thought about it at Hampton, Philip came to the conclusion that he would ask for some time off from Court as well, the King granted him, it was no problem considering that he talked to the Queen previously whom guaranteed that she would talk to the King convincing him to grant Philip his request.

He expected to arrive with a warm welcome or any type of welcome from his wife, but Mary was nowhere to be seen.

In fact today when he arrived, he was surprised that it was a quiet morning. There were the cries from Henry, but those had been calmed down minutes ago by his nurse Elsa, someone he knew Mary trusted more than any other nursemaid he preferably would have picked instead of Elsa. But he respected Mary's decision, when it came to the care of their children, she was (except when their education was discussed) seldom wrong.

Philip let himself be lost in the memory when they first met, back when there were no suspicions of deceit or betrayal, back when he did not have to worry about her pretending to be asleep when he would try to kiss her to make her feel better, or take away the pain, back when _she had still loved him._

* * *

Setting aside all her fears, she stood up and regarded her naked body in the mirror. Surely Eustace would be pleased he would wake up to see her firm body, well developed breasts, thin waist and flat belly with non curving hips. Men his age preferred the large curving of hips in the female body, but not Eustace, the Imperial Ambassador was more attracted to her words and her eyes than anything else.

The very thought that any minute now he would wake up and she would feel his knowing gaze creeping on her nudity made her melt with need and her fingers crept up greedily to her lips where they had been claimed too many times by his.

A place like the inside of her mouth, Philip regarded as forbidden to anybody else that was not your spouse. Oh Philip was a man of God alright, he believed in the Holy Gospels, though he was not as fanatical and devout worshiper like Cranmer or the only man of the cloth in this Country she still trusted –Bishop Gardiner. Still, he believed in the sanctity of marriage. He believed that no other man should covet what was his.

HIS –that is how Philip viewed her –as HIS, not as something he yearned, wanted or needed but something that was of HIS dominion. Philip mourned when she was not near only because he felt he had to make it up to her –because of the two sons she had brought him. Two sons that were now farther from her, unable to raise them properly in her faith, they were being raised by Heretics and of course Philip approved for he and Cranmer were the main architects behind their education.

She parted her fingers from her lips and walked back to the bed, where she laid next to him.

It was Eustace the Imperial Ambassador Eustace Chapuys who had shown her how it felt to be needed, wanted … loved. It was his touch, his incomparable touch, which she had invited from the strong and rough surface of his fingers to claim her, almost a year ago.

His talent, such as they were had not been appreciated before by any other woman. Unbeknownst to Mary who was staring at him with her dark gray orbs memorizing every line, every little wrinkle in his face; Eustace was already wide awake hours ago. The pain in his leg prevented him from sleeping soundly, and seeing earlier how her face completely smiling back at him, he got this powerful surge in him to stay awake all night for her, to check on her.

But when she woke up he shut his eyes, because he did not want to disturb whatever it was she could be thinking at the time she woke up and prayed in Latin, giving thanks to the Lord for another bright sunshiny day next to the man she loved.

It hurt him to hear her say the words. Nobody could know what she was thinking when she spoke this. The Princess was a good actress, very good in fact. She could fool everyone, from the more experienced politician to the hardened of men to believe her words when in reality she would be thinking all the opposite.

It was only natural, she was educated as a Princess, and Princesses, even in England were trained to be politicians, especially one as Mary Tudor in her precarious situation, with her ambitions to be Queen and restore the Country back to its faith, she had to bring herself to act accordingly, never show, fear, or any negative emotion that her father might be displeased about, or any other member that His Majesty valued more than his own firstborn.

But it had been his admiration for her, the way his letter changed when he mentioned her to his Master or to Mary of Hungary, the infamous Regent, that Philip of Bavaria, that impetuous boy out of suspicion and jealousy had been aroused by his overfamiliarity with her –for they spoke freely with each other of many things, mainly of political nature in public, but that still bothered the Duke, and he had forbidden him to step one foot in Hunsdson, afraid that his suspicions could be true, never fully realizing just how far he and Mary had gone. It had been his lady's hunger to know that sweet fulfillment once more that had driven her into his arms night after night that she spent in his cottage.

He finally let his eyes open and was greeted with her beautiful sight.

Just as she expected, Eustace marveled at the beautiful texture of her body when she locked eyes with him.

He didn't give her time to speak as his lips collided with her, hungrily, her body alive in anticipation of the joys she could further share with Eustace Chapuys before he would be driven back to his senses and remind her that she had leave to Hunsdson before any suspicions could be arisen for her long absence.

* * *

**Hunsdson**

"I have watched you talking to the younger girl … what is her name?" Philip asked.

"Jane and yes we exchanged a few pleasantries before my Mistress and the others left" Sophie said guardedly as Philip's goblet was filled by his -as expected his favorites- German servants. She rarely discussed her dealings with Jane or with any other of her Mistress' ladies or Mary herself for that matter with the Duke.

"Is there something wrong with it Your Grace?" She asked quite innocently, playing her part very well –Philip mused, as he saw her head bowing once more.

"Nothing Sophie, I was thinking though why is my wife not here to greet her loving husband?" Philip asked with a mocking tone feigning sadness.

Indeed, why was Mary not here to greet the handsome Duke? Sophie pondered, the Duke was a very handsome Duke, many ladies at Court she had seen them whining over with green envy seeing her Mistress so close to him, asking why was it the Duke had picked a sour, and nun-like bastard to be his wife when they were sure he could have any other lady, more worthy of him?

"Tell me Mistress Tattou you have no answered my question"

Sophie's eyes locked with his, she felt the unnerving presence of his soul looking right into her, reading every thought she was hiding, it was invasive yet she liked it –it was the first time she felt the center of another man's attention.

"M-The Duchess Your Grace" she started carefully "she said she would be back before nightfall …" she paused watching the Duke look away, his disinterested look focusing on his goblet once more.

He grimaced at the prospect of dismissing her from his wife's ladies. His wife was not that close to Sophie anymore, and so if he retired her (permanently) from her service she would not mind. But the Duke's suspicions bearing over with his familiarity of his wife and the Imperial Ambassador troubled him more than Sophie's possible ties with the French.

Then she knew, this she had to get his attention once more –"she said she would be back before nightfall yesterday"

The Duke's handsome face registered shock. He shot to his feet, sending his empty goblet clattering to the floor. "She has been away God knows where for more than one day now?" he hissed.

"I don't know Your Grace, she did not say where she was going, she only said it was important" She answered truthfully. "I kept my eyes and ears open. But she is far too smart, and I would not be doing my duty if I questioned her too much."

"When exactly, time please give if you want to be in our service longer, did she leave?" The Duke of Bavaria asked and when he received no answer from the trembling girl, he narrowed his attack. "Our baby is upstairs in the left wing next to our bedchamber and she has not bothered since she came to even look at him! What could be so important that she would willingly give up his welfare?"

Sophie tried to explain to Mary's husband that she wasn't really to blame, that Mary had something important. What? Philip kept asking her, Sophie could not say. "She said she had something important that was the only thing I got from her Your Grace, she said it was something important, tis the truth!" She pleaded.

Philip closed his hands forming two powerful fist as one collided into the table making Sophie jump in fright. She had never seen him act so violently.

But his jealousy had been aroused once more as he thought of the Imperial Ambassador, that bastard's face, he could remember how he had laughed when he had looked at his wife last time when he saw him at Court. He remembered the brief glances they shared.

How could he have been so blind, not to see then?

Without a word he left. Sophie was not tempted to follow him hearing his foul mood escape from his lips as he yelled to the four winds to register all of his wife's belongings, anything they could find he said that would be of use

* * *

"I watched you last night" He said.

"And what did you find Excellency?" She asked slipping further under the covers so they could cover all of her nakedness, yet it was of no use as he slipped under them too to see all of her.

"Eustace" she gasped as the shudders of his teeth releasing themselves on her breasts convulsed her, she promised herself that, this ecstasy, this pleasurable sensation that took hold of her once more, would be over soon. However, it was not and Eustace made it clear that he could not wait any longer as he sunk his teeth further into her breasts.

* * *

**Hunsdson**

"Sir we have searched –" The servant did not get time to finish as Philip stormed into his bedchamber that he shared with his wife. It was all a mess now, papers everywhere, there were her clothing everything on the floor.

The servants had said they had found nothing just letters, and more of her wardrobe. That was it –they pleaded. Philip did not care anything about their tries he wanted results, however he did not want them, being the merciful man he was, to be victims of his anger on the discoveries, he feared might be true, find in those letters of his wife that had been sent by Chapuys to her.

"Leave" he ordered and they all did so leaving the Duke alone to drown in his rage.

He opened all of _**her**_ private correspondence with the _Ambassador_.

"Convince me" He whispered softly as his mind retorted -to his pleas where he wished for his suspicions to be wrong- that this was a grave mistake, _opening these letters could be the end of you_ –it said, Phillip smirked, he did not care anymore. He could care less if this was truth or not, he just had to know.

And with a maddening laugh he began to read letter after letter until he found himself on the floor on his knees, his head finally collided with the letter that his hands still held.

The servants outside heard a loud scream coming from their Master's bedroom.

Sophie shrunk in her seat, she could only imagine what it was that Philip had found.

In his bedroom Philip began to trash everything that was still standing, from the flower vase that was his wife's favorite to the portraits of them that he had commissioned for their entire family. He let everything fall and with his feet he broke the glass that covered the small gold clock gift that she had given him for his birthday. He broke it until there was nothing left, but it was not enough for the wounded husband who felt as if a great hole had been punched in his chest.

"Ah" he flinched as he remembered the words that had been inscribed in that gift. _With all humble hearts I am yours truly …_ he grabbed the broken gift and smashed into the window breaking the glass window as well.

He didn't mind the pain as his hand was stained by the blood that had been running (caused by the broken glass of the smashed gift he had just grabbed) it did not compare to what he felt inside.

It will be come to me, he raged, I will be the one who will impugn her for what she has done! –he roared.

He glared back at the letter that had been dropped on the floor, he hissed in pain as he felt the glass in his hand being dug further as his fist was squeezed tighter, and he bend over grasping the letter firmly.

He swallowed hard and his brain tried to register, reading aloud the contents of the letter all that had happened behind his back and was still happening by the looks of it since his wife had not returned since yesterday!

This was not happening … it could not … he could not –why? He finally asked now the slave of, as he let his madness take control of him, of his emotions.

That ... that woman! if she could be referred to as a woman -a snake, a temptress, she certainly had behaved like one when she first came into his bed, had now come into that Savoyan, Imperial dog's bed!

How could she do this? He roared, what had driven her to this madness?

He felt his brain shut down as he remembered all the times they would lock glances with each other, when she would say of the Imperial Alliance, recalling -she said to him- how the Imperial Ambassador had always been her loyal friend.

_Loyal friend -_he snorted cackling madly letting his laughter be heard by all the servants in Hunsdson. Loyal friend indeed!

That Savoyan dog had not only perverted her, used her against him, he had made a fool out of him!

He laughed harder as he recalled every kiss he gave her, every time she would say no because she would say she was too tired. She had not risked her health, her stress for him, but she had risked it for that low born Ambassador~

God, he could not avert his eyes from the letter he was holding! He wanted to burn it, to swallow it where the juices in his belly would devour it and leave no trace of her betrayal behind, yet he could not escape the truth of it, and his curiosity made him read over and over again the last sentence of her letter where she promised she would visit his cottage. This letter had been from probably last week, or the during the time she had been at Court, two days before she left for Hunsdson and from here to his Cottage.

She had abused of his love of her, she had spat and vomited her vows of chastity and love for him for that man!

He did not need to fall out!

Would you really risk your sanity for a woman? For a broad, even if that broad is your wife? He heard his uncle's voice whisper in his ear. The man was dead, buried six feet under like his old man, why should he listen to the ghosts of his past? Yet he could not take their voices from his head as he heard now his father's voice telling him to go where his backstabing _wife_, his Princess, his love was making love with that man!

He heard his father laugh harder as tears that threatened to come finally came down and ran down to his neck.

He squeezed the letter in his hand and walking to their chimney, he torned the letter to pieces and threw it to the flame where he watched it burn along with all the memories of his father's mocking laughters seconds earlier.

It was all an illusion ...

* * *

"You believe we can last longer like this?" The young woman's brain was racing ahead of Eustace's. "There is a fear on me and it is now shown, that there could be a beginning in this you know? If we were to part now, what would be of us? Would I be the owner of your heart Eustace?"

He smirked "There might be more than your heart for you to give me, remember we have given each other more than our hearts"

"Which is precisely we cannot let go now Eustace" Mary reminded him. "Why should we effectively give up our union? If I were to …" she began but was silenced by Eustace's two fingers that landed on her mouth.

"Stop. Don't say it" he warned. "Promise me you won't mention it again"

"I promise –"

"I don't want just a promise milady … I want your word you will not even think of it … promise me on your Immortal soul"

"Oh, I promise Excellency … I promise on my Immortal soul Eustace" She lied

* * *

**Hunsdson**

Philip slammed the door of his bedchamber. He ordered his servants to clean it and to burn her letters, all of them he emphasized and then he went downstairs, ordered everyone to get everything ready by nightfall "… and do not bother for dinner, the Duchess will not be hungry" and he put on his hat it carried the golden coin with the Wittelsbach emblem on the front.

They had laughed at him, abused of his hospitality and that dog had dared to touch flesh that was so sacred -it made his stomach turn upside down, and he looked long and harder at the State he was leaving behind as he opened the entrance door. This was his wife's house, not his but her house, but soon it would be his and he would make her know that this was her house, he was her husband and everything she owned was not hers anymore but theirs.

He stepped outside where his carriage was waiting for him. He ordered the driver to speed up, drive as if his life depended on it, the driver did his best with the directions Philip had given him to arrive to their destination before the sun set.

* * *

It was turning late and Mary –anticipating nightfall- had to stand up to light some of the candles.

In the flickering light of the candles he turned to her direction. His lady's face glimmered as the light of the candles illuminated her perfectly gray orbs.

There was a fear in him, though no showing through his face, but in his eyes it was showing, that one day maybe not today, and certainly not tomorrow, but soon enough his mind whispered, he would have to leave her beauty behind, and the memory of her he would have to bury it. She was a Princess, beautiful and graceful while he was a commoner, yes his mother was part of the old nobility of Savoy but his father was a commoner and that made Eustace also a commoner, nothing compared to the very old and noble lineage that ran through his Princess' veins.

She still had her earrings of precious stones on her, and as she saw Eustace's face focusing directly at her eyes, she found herself reveling in the power she wielded over Eustace with the beauty of her eyes and body. She could see into his eyes in the way no one else could. She was headily aware how his gaze turned hungry as she advanced slowly to his side of the bed, the obvious pleasure -after she knelt in front of him- in his eyes when they landed on her erect nipples, that they were now avidly devouring them.

He moved quickly toward her, throwing aside all doubt and ripping off from his reason, he swung his arms at her with muted cry and brought her to him pulling her down. She was cherishing it in both hands when Eustace's strong arms folded around her, crushing her against him as he pressed his urgent lips go her forehead and then sought her mouth. It was the millionth time he had done this, he had lost count after this one as he got lost in the ecstasy of her mouth and her hips where his fingers had slid to.

His hands were now everywhere, caressing her until she thought she would die of the pleasure. She tried to give a like-for-like in return, teasing and exciting him with her fingers and tongue until he could bear it no more and swiftly he rolled her and they were now on opposite sides, she below him. Their hands now joined, gripping others tightly as he prepared to release himself inside her.

She screamed and then moaned as she was flooded with desire by every thrust he gave her. It came to its climax as he released all of him inside her.

Afterward, as they noted that nightfall had come and the only light present in the room was the flickering light of the candles she had lit earlier, she let go of his hands as he rested, in the same position when they had first _known each other_, his head on her chest.

She had never believed that such ecstasy she had experienced before could be possible to repeat itself, yet he had done it, twice now she had come to know Eustace Chapuys in a way that she never thought it to be possible. He had taught her more about her body, about herself that any other. When she was a little girl the subject of sex and pleasure were clear taboos especially for a Princess who was to grow pious and obedient –as her old tutor in the book he had dedicated for her- Vives, had advised. With her mother it was the same story, it was always about politics, duty and religion. Then came the time after Anne Boleyn when she had seen that sex was more tied to politics than anything else on the Tudor Court –she had been scared then to admit that she might fall prey of one of the many vultures that surrounded that Court, or worse that she could possess some of her father's unruly hot blood and be slave to desire. However her fears had been unjustified because she always had a protector with her, guiding her –her savior, and her only friend and now her lover –she told herself- Eustace Chapuys. He had made it known to her what were her body's true needs, what it really yearned for.

It was less than an hour before they heard the heavy knocking outside their chamber.

_Jane_ –Mary cursed under her breath, _leave_ –she thought.

The knocking continued and Mary looked at Chapuys, who shared her annoying look.

She looked directly into his eyes again as she had diverted hers at the angry knocking just seconds ago. "Do I have to shout it at her?" She muttered. Chapuys his head still lying on her chest chuckled. "Milady" he murmured "I think that I have never been more annoyed with that girl than I am now" he declared his finger, surprisingly softer this time as they were gentle, traced her neck. His dynamic behavior, that he could posses, even after his passion had been spent, made her felt less annoyed with her younger maid's paranoid behavior.

"I cannot deny it" she grinned "You are magnificent" she said huskily stretching out her hand and smoothing it slowly along the length of his bare back. "But can you imagine us here while Jane is out there screaming to herself –all afraid that I might get caught by the time I return to Hunsdson?"

In the dawn she would have to go since he did not trust her to go right now when it was too late, and there were a lot of dangers lurking out in these parts of the forest.

In the afterglow of their lovemaking, they had gotten to know each other better. With each stroke of his fingers on her neck she moaned in pleasure as one finger was reaching to her lower lip, the pleasurable moment was suddenly spoiled from the constant knocking of her maid outside their chamber.

She pouted –"Goodness sake Jane can't you see I am busy!" She yelled at her maid who was surely wetting herself right now only hearing her Mistress and best friend screaming with pleasure.

"Come back tomorrow" Mary said finally allowing humor to return to her voice. "When I am less …" she looked at the chuckling Ambassador "busy!"

"Now where were we Eustace?" She asked in a seductive manner, her fingers tracing other parts of his body. "Tell me more about Annency, you didn't finish your tale of what your childhood was like there"

"It was fair" he merely said "until I was pitted against my uncles and my mother for custody"

Mary's expression turned serious. So much pain –she thought- that he does not let anyone in, it is no wonder why I always see him so opposed to the idea of family, of children. I can only imagine how painful it must be for him to reveal all of this to her.

"So much pain" she said tracing her fingers back to his back.

"That is in the past milady" He said softly his fingers landing on her cheek stroking it softly. "It is all in the past"

"Still I cannot help but feel for your Excellency … you have been more than just my friend all these years … you have been an ally, strong, courageous, you have been my true heart's keeper" She declared.

"No" Eustace shook his head "I do not think that you should raise me that high"

"But I should! You have meant for me than anyone else in his Kingdom, in my life I have never met someone so noble, so dedicated and I swear Eustace that I l-" She did not get to finish her sentence as she and Eustace jumped in surprise to see Philip storming in the to their room after giving a loud bang to the door, nearly breaking it.

God had led them to this point in their lives, when they had been so close to confess their loves, but the Devil she was sure, had brought Philip to their doorstep like the Angel of death killing this passionate moment, and subsequently killing her dreams of a life they might have shared together for deep inside her, she still held the dream that she could divorce Philip.

She had known, in the moment they had joined as one, that their coming together meant more than just lust, it had to be –she whispered to herself mentally as she watched Philip advance to their bed, where Eustace, she felt his hand grasp hers

Together, with her hand joined with his, they could take on Philip, they had to otherwise if he left her alone, she didn't know how she would overcome the guilt she felt as he saw his accusatory glance penetrate her former lusty gray orbs.

* * *

**A/N: And evil cliffy!  
We are coming to the final stages of what will be the battles of POB and Chapuys.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***I have received PMs -Why have Marillac leave? Why the Spoilers? Well Marillac in real life DID leave in 1543 and he will leave in 1543 however as for whether he leaves exactly as he did that I will not reveal.**

***Will the war happen and will Henry take side of the Empire? Marillac leaving should be enough hint of which side he will take. **

***Now also to Chapuys leaving -yes it has been implied that he has been wanting to leave because he considers it the best, whether he leaves at the same time his historical counterpart left I will not say -but if you want the quick facts of the real chapuys' leave -he left in 1545 as the series implies after the war was over. Curiously enough for all those who want to know Chapuys' role in the war, his signature while he was away in Calais is the one that signed and sealed the alliance between the Empire and England. And Francis Van der Defelt when he came to England, Chapuys stayed nearly half a year when Francis came, I suspect during this time Eustace was preparing Francis and schooling him for what was up ahead. But even in Calais 1544 Chapuys requested to the Emperor to leave England, and that was because his health was as we know really deterioratig and unlike the series he did not die in Spain in 1545 the year he left. In fact he was from Annency, Savoy which today he would be French (yes ironic considering his hatred for the French!) and he founded a lot of schools and Colleges and continued to be active writing letters about Mary's reign and in politics. He died in 1556.**

**Now that all of that is explained**

**REVIEW!**

**~Carolina**


	31. Embracing virtue & Forgetting desire

**Disclaimer: I don't own everything, certainly not the Tudors, Showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

**This chapter I hope it turns out for you and that you feel every emotion running high in this as this was my expectation when I made this chapter.**

**Song: Engel (Angel in English) by Rammstein, I really recommend you hear either the English or Original Version.**

**kk, don't forget at the end of every chapter to: REVIEW!**

**~Carolina**

* * *

"_Live in virtue, no desire_

_In the grave, an angel's choir  
You look to heaven and wonder why  
No one can see them in the sky__!  
_

_Just as the clouds have gone too sleep_  
_Angels can be seen in heaven's keep_  
_Alone in fear they question why_

_Goddamn not an angel when I die!_

_Angel's live, they never die  
Apart from us, behind the sky  
They're faded souls who've turned to ice  
So ashen white in paradise__!  
Goddamn not an angel when I die!  
Goddamn not an angel when I die!_

_Just as the clouds have gone to sleep_  
_Angels can be seen in heaven's keep_  
_Alone in fear they question why_

_Goddamn not an angel when I die!_

_Just as the clouds have gone to sleep  
Angels can be seen in heaven's keep  
Alone in fear they question why__!  
Goddamn not an angel when I die!  
Goddamn not an angel when I die!_

_Goddamn not an angel when I die!_

_Goddamn not an angel when I die__!  
_

_Heaven must be hell in the sky__!"_

**~Engel (Angel) by Rammstein (English Version)**

* * *

Philip took one step forward. He wanted to grab that son of a whore and beat him; more than anything he wanted to denounce him to the King, to accuse him of raping his wife! But seeing the look on his wife that she exchanged with him, made him stop in his tracks as they both share a smile before Mary turned to look back at Philip.

She loved him? He thought outraged. He had betrayed their love to be with him!

No, he could not accept him. Not now, and not in a million years!

"Philip, you must listen to me" Mary said suddenly as he saw him look away, denial written all over him as he refused to watch her hand still grasped by her lover.

"Please listen to me we did not mean for this to happen"

Philip spun around and cried furiously "Liar! You were with him!" No longer in control of his emotions he ran to her side, and took her clutching her arm forcing her to stand up.

She nearly stumbled but quickly she regained her balance as she watched Philip's angry stare "Look at me!" She did as she told him to. She did not expect him to forgive her after this, he had ever right to be angry, but why did he have to feel the need to humiliate her in front of her lover?

Why? She kept asking.

Eustace who watched the whole scene, forgetting his nakedness jumped from the bed and walked to Philip shouting in the same outrage he felt when he watched his man, this pitiful and poor Duke grab his beloved and dig her nails in her arms making her bleed as a consequence of it.

"Leave her alone!"

"Oh so now the intellectual speak!" Said Philip amused and with a hint of sarcasm evident in his voice as he began to laugh madly.

Here was the dog defending his poor ugly bitch!

His wife! She had accepted being nothing but a commoner's whore! It was more hurtful for him than it was for her as she felt blood escaping from her arm as he dug his nails deeper in her flesh, to see her act like this. To see her naked giving herself in body and soul to this man, to a commoner –his mind seethed- a man no better than his lower servants!

"Philip you must listen to me!" Mary said desperately, as she attempted to free herself from his grasp. "Please" she became more frantic as she flinched in pain when Philip threw her aside, letting her go but making her fall on her knees.

Philip turned his head with its short dark hair towards the man who had pushed him after he pushed him.

There was rage in Eustace's eyes now burning deeply as his hatred consumed him. It was one thing to watch Philip insult the Princess, but to push his wife and manhandle her, that was too much for Eustace!

You and I now, thought Philip as his gaze switched from his fearful wife to the man who had claimed her for himself.

"I should have known that nothing good would have come from her friendship with you!" He shouted. "I was made a fool" He later said watching back his wife as she tried to get up, her knees hurt greatly and then there was also the pain in her thigh and legs from her lovemaking with Eustace that she struggled with.

This woman, thought Philip, this beautiful woman who had strangely since the moment he had laid eyes on her, she had captured his heart and his body, and he feared now more than ever that his suspicions were true. Not that he had lain with Chapuys, but that she could have fallen madly in love with him in this time they retained a secret relationship behind his back.

His heart plummeted like a sinking stone as he watched her, now fully up, look back at him coldly. She looked so beautiful, even in the darkness she was magnificent.

With that her glorious dark cloud of hair rippling over her shoulders. He could not believe that she could look at him with that hatred! What had he ever done to her to make him hate him so?

Her arm injury?

He snorted surprising Mary as she began to back away making an effort to run away from the bedroom, but Philip was faster and he ran to the front of the door blocking it from Mary. This is where Philip outnumbered his treacherous wife and her commoner lover two to one. Though Mary was feisty and she possessed the spirit of a fighter, much like her mother and her infamous Grandmother, the butcher Isabel of Castilla, she was no match for a man like Philip who was a skilled warrior and came from a long line of proud warriors, and then Eustace of course –he inwardly smirked- the man was afflicted with gout and he could not predict –and even if he did- that he would run to the entrance of the room blocking him and his lover from their exit.

Eustace now saw himself for what he really was, sick and crippled. He could have stopped this man from reaching the entrance, he should have foreseen that he would try to hurt Mary, but damn it all he was too slow and too old to stop him. Philip was two or three years older than many, younger and faster than Chapuys. If he could be the man he was twenty years ago he could have stopped Philip before he made a move to grab Mary, but alas time took no prisoners.

Philip began to speak again as Mary attempted to get past by him again but it only ended badly. Philip merely pushed her, luckily Eustace who was behind her caught her before she could fall on the floor.

Seeing Eustace arms around her waist made Philip seethe with hatred at the man. He never thought himself capable of hating someone as much as he did now!

"I trusted you … I loved you, I believed you! God I believed you! Your father blessed our wedding and he confirmed our union when we were wedded at the greatest Church" He cried once more "Have you forgotten that?"

"How could I forget it?" Mary asked quietly, shrinking inwardly at the memory when her father said that their union would bring two nations together and that he hoped, his hope proving right for once, that she would bring the House of Tudor many grandsons to bear his proud name. Archbishop Cranmer himself with Bishop Latimer had blessed them after the marriage ceremony. Latimer assured her that she would be as fertile as her mother, and unlike her mother's poor blessing because of all the heretics in England, Mary's womb would be fruitful and she would bear Philip and her father many sons, potential heirs to the throne of England after her and Edward.

She wondered what would all those who blessed her and wished her for a fruitful marriage to Philip, would have to say if they found out that their beloved second Lord (Henry Tudor-Wittelsbach) came from the man they liked to called "crippled". She would pay to see their shock if they ever found about that.

"Others Philip like me have a different opinion. Like Bishop Latimer for example! He hates the way you are driving our children away from God to indulge on your Heresies!" She said carefully, as she felt Eustace's warmth calm her down. "Philip our marriage was broken since you decided to take over the education of my children!"

He snorted in laughter. How dare she say MY children when she renounced her right of being a mother when she bedded this man?

"Laugh all you like! But our marriage is at an end" She declared now feeling braver.

"My father will hear of this Philip."

Philip's angry brows furrowed; he was inwardly quailing at the prospect of Latimer or his father in law hectoring him, attempting to convince him to let Mary divorce him. The thought alone was preposterous! He could believe that of Latimer, that lousy Bishop was always intruding in his marriage, counseling Mary and constantly turning her against him. But of Henry VIII to annul their marriage AFTER two sons he and Mary brought to the Tudor cradle? No, he would never do that, Philip was conceived.

He looked deeper into his wife's dark gray orbs, he knew then she was convinced that their marriage was a sham, that they had in fact no reason to continue their marriage.

"Can't you see Mary?" He asked in a cynic tone "Your father will NEVER let you go. You have brought him two grandsons, and our last son has proved your fertility. You will be displayed as a whore if you divorce me. Everyone will know of your affair, and your dear lover, tell her Excellency, she deserved to know what will happen to you. He will be hanged Mary or worse he will be executed, and mark my words I will make you see his execution and I will make you toast on it with me as I force you to see his head roll!" He bellowed.

"No!" She screamed freeing herself from Chapuys' arms. "You touch him I will kill you!"

"Kill me and they will cut your head for it!" He hissed.

"Can't you heed for once the advice of your wife?"

"What wife? I see only a whore in front of me!" He shot back.

That was too much for Eustace he knew he had to act.

He, in spite of the gout in his leg, positioned himself in front of Philip, blocking the Princess from his sight afraid that, angry as the Duke was now, he could do something to his lady.

"She is not a whore! Don't confuse her with the Queen whose made you her lapdog!"

"Why you insolent bastard!" Philip said. "How dare you speak to me like that? I could have you executed Excellency for this …"

He got interrupted by Chapuys' chuckling. This boy, this insolent young Duke thought he could have him executed? Him –who was nothing but a poor Duke, co dependant on women like the Queen and his wife, as well as others like those Heretics whom he befriended, to survive! He seriously thought that he could have him executed when the King, and his greatest whore, Anne Boleyn, never could?

"Why so serious Your Grace" he asked mockingly. "You denounce me you will become the laughter of Christendom. Do you want everyone to know that a poor, crippled, old Ambassador as low as me stole your wife from your bed, that took her in his arms, many times and was in fact better than you? How would that look to your family, to yourself, to your children?"

Mary, thankfully Philip did not see, smirk at this last part, mentally congratulating Eustace for this spontaneous and very clever answer.

As Eustace had expected it made Philip retract from his initial threats to denounce him before the king, his pride his honor would be smeared that a man with gout had stole from him his wife, he would be the laugh of Christendom.

Now that he thought about it, just to amuse himself further, Eustace dared to say: "How would your family react if your wife suddenly found herself with bastard, I assure that" he paused seeing the horror of Eustace's last words on the young man's face "has not happened"

This made Philip sigh with relief. Just the thought of his wife carrying that man's bastard, not that it should worry Philip since Eustace Chapuys being a very sick and weak man, the child would probably be as sickly like him, probably it would not survive the pregnancy. Good riddance, he could not imagine a child of that man being brought to usurp the Tudor crown, it would be something unimaginable.

Eustace continued, becoming more amused as he thought –if you only knew that your wife has cuckold you with that bastard Lord Henry. "The King will only laugh at you, and though he would not bar your sons from the succession he will retain them in his custody, after all he would let you take them back to Germany, Bavaria or whatever it is you call that pitiful country. You would be forced to leave them in your dear "friends" care while you die in Bavaria, a poor Duke just like before"

After Eustace finished Philip's dark emerald eyes bore deeply into Eustace cold blue eyes.

"You are despicable!" He hissed.

Eustace allowed himself to laugh in front of this man. "No Your Grace I am plain cynical" he declared "unlike you I see the world right for what it is"

"You have ever had your way Ambassador" he said in a deathly serious voice "Yet have you thought what I am capable of doing to you? That I with all my willpower, with all the cards playing in my favor and against you Excellency, that I will let my wife go so she could marry you? That I will not use all of my resources, or her father's to keep our children with me. You said it yourself Excellency the children will never leave her grandfather's care"

It hurt when Mary and Eustace head this, but they knew Philip had a point. Her father, even if the divorce was granted, or by some miracle the Emperor approved of her after marriage with Eustace, he would not let her keep her children.

"You could never live a life in peace Mary!" He screamed, even if his wife was blocked from his sight he could almost picture her anguish, her salty tears escaping from her eyes as she pictured her existence, if she would dare to request a divorce and later marry Eustace Chapuys. "You will live marginalized by your deceit! You would see your children deny you, I could marry maybe their stepmother could become the mother you never were"

Mary flinched at his last words.

"That is a risk you should have thought of taking before you opened your legs for this man!"

Mary wept silently, more tears escaping from her eyes and reaching to her neck as a shiver ran down her spine at the prospect of having Philip marry another woman. It was not jealousy that afflicted her, Philip could bed any whore he wanted, but it was the thought of her children calling that whore mother. She could not live through that, her heart would not bear it.

In that moment that Philip finished speaking she knew what she had to do, it went against all of what her heart had dictated her (and she so far a faithful subject to it) had followed its command.

"You would remarry?" She did not know why she asked this when she already knew Philip's answer.

Eustace could feel his lady's sadness emanating from the coldness of her hand, as she put her callused palm on his shoulder moving next to him, coming to face to face with Philip again.

"What do you think?"

_He would_ –thought Mary, briefly closing her eyes and then when she opened she hoped she would see Philip's look softening at the sight of her, but she was disappointed.

Looking at her, in all her vital beauty, he could not bear the thought of her as another man's wife, especially as **this** man's wife, and leaving all of her status and everything she had once valued behind just to be with a commoner was to much for Philip to digest! It was outrageous, yet nothing unheard of considering that her English ancestor Katherine of Valois had done the same thing after her husband, Henry V had died. She had moved on fairly quickly, the French Princess and England's Dowager Queen, marrying a man far beneath her. Owen Tudor, the founder of the Tudor Dynasty. Though the Tudors, her family, tried to justify that the marriage was valid and that in fact she had not married any simpleton but a man who descended from Welsh nobility, the validity of this argument proved useless. Even if the man were to descend from King David himself, he was still a Welsh, and the English did not see the Welsh with good eyes.

Philip no longer would be able to see his wife with good eyes, she had been his prize, his ideal, and, he had to admit now that he saw her in all her splendor standing naked next to this man, his torment. She was so vital and so strong; she had been his strength though tough times he had gone through after his beloved cousin's death.

Whereas Mary considered him a poor apology for a husband –and a man –his mind added, he was much more than her lover.

He had given her everything to her –he raged mentally- he had loved her, cherished her, treated her better than any man treats his wife in this Kingdom! And this was how she repaid him? By having an affair and escaping in the middle of the night to be with this man, while their little Henry was left to his own luck, alone and attended by only one nurse? What kind of mother was she?

What had this man done to her?

He could only deplore her for craving sensual pleasures that she felt she was not getting from him. He did not want to believe that Mary no longer felt love for him. She had to love him, otherwise she would not feel this hatred for him. To feel hate, you had to have been in love and he rejected the notion that the only thing she felt for him now was hatred. He would never accept that. He refused to!

He could forgive her for this dalliance of course, if she only came back to him and promised that she would never engage in sin again.

If only Mary did not have to have too much of her father's bad blood in her, if she could only have been as pious as her mother had been, she would not have easily succumbed to temptation.

"I will weigh everything carefully before committing myself to you again" Mary said in a nonchalant way.

"That is a very subtle way to put it" Philip said slowly "But you forget one part sweetheart" he said sarcastically looking over at the Ambassador.

Immediately Eustace understood what Philip would ask of her next.

"You cannot be seriously thinking that I would let you go just like that? You have to give him up"

"If I don't?" Mary asked defiantly.

"Mary do as he says" Chapuys suddenly said grabbing her hand after she withdrew it from his shoulder. "Be rational" For once he wanted to say, as usual though, she did not listen to his advise.

She was being stubborn again, saw Eustace. Nothing good could ever come from her defiance.

"You cannot seriously think that I will let go of the only man that truly loved me for who I am, not for the title that I bared or the favors you gained thanks to me Philip!"

"If you do not give him up at once Madame I will make sure you never see your children again and that everyone knows you for the whore you are!" He cried spitting up in her face as he said this.

There was uncomfortable silence. Mary was holding her breath as her lovers who were staring at her expectantly waiting for an answer.

"Then it seems I must grant you your wish" She said solemnly.

She tried to look at Eustace who tried not to look sorrowful but he failed after Philip left but not before giving throwing to Eustace a smile of triumph on his face after he said he would wait downstairs for his wife to change so they could leave immediately for their Residence.

"This is goodbye then" Eustace said after the door was closed. "You will go back and you will forget this"

Mary shook her head violently. How could he say that? How could he assume that she could forget what they had? "What we had no one can take it away Eustace" she declared.

He smirked, how naïve she was.

"I wish this could have ended differently Mary" -he said letting himself be swallowed by melancholy for the first time. He had always been one to shun himself from feeling anything, hatred, love, lust, anything that could keep him from doing his job, his mission.

In the beginning that was what the Princess, Lady and now Duchess Mary was, just another mission another task, but the more she got to know his mother, the more he became convinced she could not be regarded as an object, the more he begged his master to lend more support to the good and only true Queen Katherine. He had risked his sanity for her after he had begun to obsess over the Princess' safety after her mother's death.

His letters had turned from describing the political climate in England, to detail everything he had seen of the Princess' plight. He had began to plead to his master to sent more aid to the Princess, it had been the sole reason why he had been forced to leave England for a period of a year, because the Emperor's closest kin, Mary of Hungary scolded him saying that he could not risk his life any further for the Princess, by risking his life and his reputation for her, he was also risking the future diplomatic relations between England the Empire.

Eustace recognized his mistakes now.

If he had not planned for her escapes two times, or alternatively if he had planned them more carefully, she would have successfully been in the hands of her cousin by now, she would have married (regardless of whether D. Luis was really married to THAT woman Yolanda) the man who was closest to the Portuguese crown. She would have been happier to share a marriage bed with a man of her same faith. She would have had more children, and she would not have had to dwell with the fact of having to uncover her last' son true parentage from her Heretic husband.

She would have been happier than she was now.

She would not have had to sin, he would not have had to sin either.

Both would have been free of sin.

But life was never fair.

There was no point now in dwelling on alternate outcomes that would never be. The past was the past, they could not change it back. There was no point in making matters worse by dwelling on it.

"We knew this outcome might have come" Mary said sadly.

Eustace put a hand on her face that still felt wet after all the tears that had been shed because of Philip's harsh words.

"You must be strong"

"How can I?"

"You have to" he said simply. It was what she would have to survive her husband, just leave, leave him, and forget everything they had.

Mary shook her head again and again as he grabbed her cold shoulders.

"Milady you will have to forget me, if you want to see your children again …"

"I do not care" she blanched. "I want to be with you" she declared with a voice that reminded him like the love sick girls that he had witnessed many times in the Courts he had been in, after they would be hypnotized by older vultures who would woo them first and later leave them.

Eustace did not want to think himself that way, but the proof was in front of him that she was very much in love with him.

He had to turn cold, he had to be angry, he had to make her realize that what they had could never be. She was living in a dream.

"Madame" he said coldly "Have you forgotten that I am a commoner and you a Princess. My mother descends from the old nobility of Savoy, but compared to your ancestry I am nothing but a mere insect!"

"We can make it work, maybe if I appeal before my father" she began but was cut off by Chapuys' frustrated voice.

"No court in Christendom would award you custody of them"

"But if I am your wife surely the Emperor … he would help us, he would see it is better for them to have a Catholic stepfather than a Heretic father, surely you yourself know this!" She cried desperately in a last attempt to turn him to her line of reasoning however she failed miserably as Chapuys sighed and lowered his gaze.

"Milady the Emperor would be much in denial of our relationship, no relative of yours in Christendom would want to see themselves associated with the trail of breadcrumbs that you leave behind if we marry."

"So that is it then? You will have me remain married to him?"

"You have no choice!" He yelled.

"So this is it then?" There were tears in her eyes again, it was not because of the pain she felt of having to face reality if she married him and not see her children again, it came more on the account that he preferred her to leave her married to Philip.

Didn't he say he loved her?

"You would deprive me of yourself?" She asked with disbelief in her voice. She persisted that he with his intellect they could somehow found a way to make this successful.

He looked up to her again, meeting her saddened gaze. He would have to crush her more if he wanted her to remain in her father's favor. He could not afford her to give up everything they had worked so far for her to achieve just for him!

If this meant loosing her love then so be it!

"As usual Madame you never think things through. You just act impetuously, causing a lot of grief to yourself. You are the one who wanted to be with him, you accepted Philip's proposal milady, you should have thought well of the consequences when you said yes to him a few moments ago. I love you –God help me, I do milady! But I cannot blind myself from the reality of what this would mean for us, for **you** if our relationship is discovered. Think of your children," then Eustace lowered his voice to a whisper "think of our son if they discovered who his real father is"

Both of them were weeping now.

"I know you love me" She persisted.

Oh God he thought, when would this woman understand?

He loved her more than life itself, he would sacrifice everything for her, but he could not allow her to sacrifice everything he had worked for her to achieve, to throw it away just for lust.

"I cannot grant you what you want Mary" They both knew this was true. He was a lowly Ambassador, what could he possibly give her except castles and homes that would be nothing compared to what she had been used to since birth? Mary knew this very well as she saw the sadness in his eyes now more evident as he shed one last tear for her before turning away and beginning to put his clothes on.

She did the same.

She wiped away the tears from her face and began to change back into her old clothes that she had not worn since yesterday when she arrived by midday to his cottage.

This was truly over. And she could not help but feel regret, not because this was over, but because of him. If he had truly loved he would have fought for her. He would have let Philip taken her, he would have stood up against Philip, he would have rebuked him, he would have made a stand against him!

The prospects of her freedom were destroyed as she moved to the door once Eustace had finished dressing up.

She turned to look at him expecting for him, as he clutched his black cane, to come to her, beating the pain of the gout that afflicted him, and kiss her goodbye. But no such thing happened. Mary found herself staring at a ghost who was as pale as she was.

She closed her eyes and wheeled back turning the door knob and feeling a huge knot in her chest as she raced downstairs where Philip and Susan and Jane were already waiting for her.

**

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**

"_The course of true love never did run smooth."_

**~William Shakespeare in A Midnight Summer's Dream**

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**(Eustace POV)**

Why did you not chase her? I heard a voice inside of me scream.

What could I have said to her? I screamed back. That I love her and I want her to stay with me so she later is forced to watch her children being raised, not only by Heretics, but also by another woman worse than the Queen, a woman I further explain, whom the children will grow to love more than their own mother? No, I could not afford that. Cold and heartless as I was often accused by the entire English Court to be, I was not as heartless as to let the Princess be witness to that.

I did the right thing, I told myself.

Reasoning dominating me once more I walked to the door and locked it. I would not want to receive anyone today for the rest of the night or next day for that matter. In fact I was not sure if I wanted to see anyone ever again.

As I heard the galloping of the horses, my heart raced, and huge lump was formed in my throat.

I sat on the bed where I buried my head in my hands after I threw my cane across the room. That cane was just a reminder of my crippled state.

Marillac and the others always said that was my greatest weakness, that I was easy to beat because I was nothing more than a crippled, old and weak fool! I had never regarded Marillac as a serious fellow, therefore I never took him seriously but that did not mean that I was not wary of him either. I was always wary of everyone, however today after the galloping of the horses, its sound faded away I became to ponder on Marillac's words that I was a weak old fool.

His words sounded truer now, to my own disgust.

I was weak, just look at me here I am, my face stained by tears that I had shed when I told milady that she better leave for the sake of her children, and for the sake of her ambitions so one day she could (hopefully) be the Queen she, and her mother, always dreamed of becoming.

I shook my head. What a mess they had made.

They had changed the world, and now they wanted to change it back, to forget everything (as he told his lady they should do).

That beautiful Princess had began her life with such high hopes. She had been the favorite of her father, her pride, her joy, her pearl, and along had came a spider called Anne Boleyn who had to ruin it! How he hated that woman now more than ever.

Goddamn it all, I spoke aloud, goddamn it all to hell. I wish I could rip my heart out so I did not have to feel again.

What had she done to him?

How was it that no other woman had this effect on me as she did?

She had bewitched me, just like her mortal enemy Anne Boleyn and her cousin, the current Queen, Katherine Howard, had bewitched her father twice, she had trapped me and imprinted herself on me!

I hated myself for having to fall under love's clutches. I should have known better than to fallen in love, and not just with anyone but with a Princess and a married one at that!

I had done more harm to her than good. I had begotten a child on her, a child that I was forced to hear day and day after **its** birth how the King favored him, how the whole Court saw little Lord Henry (oh the irony there!) as their savior. Strong and healthy, they said he reminded them of their King, those who were old enough to remember, when Henry VIII was but a little child, a mere Duke of York second after his brother Arthur, the ill fated Prince of Wales who had been his wife's first husband.

Not a marriage really, Arthur Tudor unlike his younger brother, was very weak and he could not engage in the sexual act like his brother. Under grounds that their marriage was never consummated, Katherine of Aragon received a papal dispensation that allowed her to marry his next of kin, her brother the now Prince of Wales and subsequently heir to the English Crown, Henry Tudor.

I could not compare her daughter now to her mother. She had been pious, loyal and ferocious to her husband, unlike Mary. She would never have left her daughter for another man, even if she had fallen madly in love like the Princess had fallen for me, Katherine of Aragon would have NEVER (I was sure of it) abandon her daughter to be with her lover. She would have been more reasonable, the Queen I whisper to myself, had always been more reasonable.

Milady was not.

She was too emotional, she was everything she was taught not to be.

However she had one desire her mother never did. Freedom. Mary yearned for freedom, to return to Hunsdson, to be with me to be away from Philip. To be a free woman ruler of her household and not having to depend on any other man like her mother or any other woman before her.

She was England's own Eleanor of Aquitaine, except even Eleanor of Aquitaine had been more ambitious and smarter to know that she could not make it through life alone without the help of a powerful man by her side. That was what milady should have thought when she fell in love with me! She should have measured the consequences.

"I should have measured them" I said aloud. Her happiness, everything that I claimed I cared for was ruined and it was all our fault! We did this! I did this!

Stop it Eustace! My mind rages.

No, my mind must stop making excuses for myself. That was not the way I was raised, the way I was taught either. Think first, self preservation and duty is always first, emotions are an unnecessary extra.

That was how I was.

Above me, in the dark sky I know was studded with stars, those same stars where God and his Angels resided, looking at me in disapproval. I caught my breath suddenly, I must be certain that I made the right decision. I must suppress my sadness, for there was no other way. Life had to go on.

Mary's sons would be well cared for as always, they would barely receive their mother's visits if she were to divorce Philip to be with me. She had to give me up, and I had to make the lamb to the slaughter, I had to be cold, callous and cynical to her so she could understand that there was no other way for her to continue with her children. I knew she was ambitious, but that was before she became a mother.

Her own future was mapped now by motherhood, the very thing I dreaded her to enter when she became Philip of Bavaria's spouse, and there was no way out of that fate that she made for herself, even if that is what _**we**_ wanted.

We did our best though to keep it a secret, but milady being the emotional creature that she was, she had not burned the letters as I suspected, for how else could have Philip of Bavaria have found out about our relationship or the whereabouts of my cottage?

She was on her way home, seated in front of Philip looking away I can picture from his look of triumph. He would forbid anymore visits to me, and I will not be allowed to see her, not even a simple audience or a greeting. The Duke will do everything in his power to keep us from being together again, and what is worse out of all this situation is that he in his full right to do this! She is his wife, he is her husband and I am just ... what was I really?

I begin to cackle madly, I was just a lover a way out of her sadness, I was no different from other women looking for older or younger men as an escape from their dull lives, because their husbands, much like milady's could not please them enough.

How different had I become then, bedding a married woman, taking advantage from a woman that could well be my daughter, from the King of England who took advantage wolfing his way around the court hunting the younger girls?

Was I that different from the rest?

I vowed myself I would never be like them, but I had become trapped by those two dark orbs of Princess Mary. She had changed me, and we changed everything, now nothing would be the same. She would lose what little independence she had with the Duke of Bavaria. He would lock her up, in the same manor her father had locked up her mother, in Hunsdson. She would not see someone unless her husband allowed her to, she would not speak unless he said so, she would not even eat unless he said so.

It was her punishment from breaking God's most blessed sacrament: marriage.

And it would be my punishment to see her tied by Philip's invisible chains, I would be a silent observer unable to do nothing to free her from him.

God's law must prevail though. She was a married woman, and I was man who was at the service of God, the Church and my Master the Emperor. "Things must flow according to God's law" I whisper finally allowing my body the rest it needed as I close my eyes and fall under a dreamless sleep.


	32. Sailing three times: War, love and loss

**Disclaimer: I don't own everything, certainly not the Tudors, Showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

**Song for today –Chemicals Between us by BUSH.**

**kk, don't forget at the end of every chapter to: REVIEW!

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"_I want you to remember  
A love so full it could send us all ways  
I want you to surrender  
All my feelings rose today  
And I want you to remain  
The power of children can amaze  
I'll try not to complain  
I know that's a pisser baby_

_The chemicals between us  
The walls that lie between us  
Lying in this bed  
The chemicals displaced  
There is no lonelier state  
Than lying in this bed_

_I want you to remember  
Everything you said  
Every driven word  
Like a hammer, hell, to my head_

_The chemicals between us  
The walls that lie between us  
Lying in this bed  
The chemicals displaced  
There is no lonely face  
Than lying in this bed_

_The chemicals between us  
The chemicals between us  
Lying in this bed_

_We're of the hollow men  
We are the naked ones  
We never meant you harm  
Never meant you wrong  
I'd like to thank  
All of my lovers, lovers, lovers_

_The chemicals between us  
The army of achievers  
Lying in this bed  
The chemicals displaced  
There is no lonelier state  
Than lying in this bed_

_The chemicals between us  
The chemicals between us  
The chemicals_

_The chemicals between us."_

**Chemicals Between us by BUSH**

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**Hunsdson**

The walls aligned between us keeping us separate, and yet at the same time trapping us together in this large bed chamber. When we arrived to Hunsdson, none of us spoke. I could see Sophie looking at me with sadness in her eyes. I did not blame the poor girl for having told Philip the truth. The poor girl did not know anything. In all reality she was as ignorant as Philip had been of my relationship with Chapuys.

Sophie, I hope for her sake, did not found out. I knew her father, he was a stubborn old man, very handsome for his age, but very stubborn and also a fanatical Evangelical. I had heard that he gave aid to many Heretics and that he supported the Concubine and her (back then) her lapdog Cranmer to her rise as Queen of England.

I should not have hired Sophie, but I took pity on the poor girl, a little older than Jane she had come to me begging her to take her in. How could I have said no? I could see no deceit in her eyes.

Unlike her father who gave patronage to all those Heretics, Sophie was very different. Her parents had divorced when she was four, and she had been raised by her mother. Out of some miracle her father had allowed her Catholic mother to keep Sophie, and since then Sophie had been raised in a good Catholic home until her mother died five years ago and she was forced to leave with her father. During this time she had to obey him, like any good and filial daughter she had never rebelled against him, even when his beliefs went against hers. However; we all have our breaking point, and Sophie had hers. In the middle of the night where all this drama, Mary found, happens, she came knocking on Mary's door at Hunsdson and begged to be in her service stating her mother had once been a loyal lady in waiting to her mother, the true Queen of England.

Mary had no choice but to accept her, and since then Sophie had been with them. She had been a good friend to Mary, and especially to Jane, she had been a very trustworthy confidant. From time to time Sophie asked to visit her father, he may be a heretic –Sophie had said- but he is still my father Milady.

Mary knew what it was to live under the iron fist of a godless and soulless creature like her father, so she always granted Sophie permission.

When Sophie knelt before her asking forgiveness for telling the Duke that she had been gone, Mary had lifted the girl with her two fingers underneath the younger one's chin and said that there was nothing to forgive, like Jesus told Peter when he struck the Roman soldiers that had come for his master, she had only been doing her duty. How could she be angry with her?

Philip however, she had been very furious with him. He dared to take the only thing, the only person that ever meant something to her in this Court full of masks! How dare he?

"You took away from me …" She began once they were alone in their chambers.

"Would you shut it!" He spat. It was morning the sun was shining on their entire chambers, with its open windows the rays of the sun illuminated Mary making her seem like an angel, however Philip knew better. She was no angel and definitely not a saint. She was all that had mother had taught her not to be.

She had behaved like a common whore in front of that man, and she had backstabbed him after all the love and adoration he gave to her!

He never expected anything in return except her loyalty, was that too much ask of her?

"You never cared about me, you only saw me as your fertile mare. You use our sons to advance your position in my father's court. Admit it Philip you care only about what my womb brings you, you don't really love me. Why can't you let me be?" She demanded.

"Because I cannot risk my pride being dragged through the mud as yours by that man Mary! Think, don't you realize he has been using you since the first time he met you when you were your sister's servant!"

"You are lying" she shook her head vigorously. "Eustace would never-" -She was cut off by Philip's angry outburst of jealousy and rage –"He did use you Madame … or haven't you wondered what he was doing last week in Whitehall, when the Duke of Suffolk went to his Office?"

She looked away. She could remember that day. She had gone from the Court scene to visit the Imperial Embassy when she found her uncle, the Duke of Suffolk coming to the same direction. Before he could spot her she hid behind a pillar watching the whole scene unfold. She had asked Eustace why the Duke had visited him, but he never wanted to say.

Wheeling back to Philip, she could tell she was about to find out.

"War my dear" he said simply "There is going to be war in all of Europe, your father has refused Marillac's proposal to wed our eldest son to the Duke Guise's eldest daughter Catherine. Apparently your father did not see well that Francois found yet another excuse to want to get back the duchy of Milan which he claims is rightfully his"

She shook her head even more violently "My father has not considered on Marillac's proposal because he has always hated the French, he sees their lands as rightfully ours" She countered.

"How naïve you are Madame! Your father might hate the French, but he hates the fucking Ottoman Emperor more. He sees Francis' alliance with Suleyman more than treachery, he views it as something unholy"

"And what if he does?" she challenged "What is that to you? Why should you be worried about war? It is clear you were bestowed great honors after the siege of Vienna, I know how you held off, everyone knows about the great tales they speak about you. How else do you think my father will make good use of you? Surely you must think your great chance to make a name for yourself, to be amongst his greatest generals"

"I would except the Duke of Cleves my cousin support Francis! Do you realize what the Imperial Ambassador has done, him and his Master to undermine my family?"

"Your family is worth nothing, you are a Tudor now or do you forget that you gave out your last name …"

"Don't remind me of the sacrifices I did for you!" He cried. He could feel the tears in his eyes, he did not want to shed any of them for her. If anyone had to cry and beg for forgiveness it should be her!

"For me?" she asked raising an eyebrow. "You did it for yourself. Everything you have so called done for me, it has been for you. It has always been you, you and you!" she accused him her finger flying to his direction.

"You have no idea what I sacrificed for you" He said quietly turning away from her. He was tired of this Country, of its King, of its people and (now) he was tired of her.

"We had such high hopes" he said after a moment of silence "for this marriage"

Mary rose from her seat and she went to look out one of their narrow windows –barely more than an arrow slit –across the horizon as the sun rose higher than she had ever seen it before. Above them the sky no longer had dark clouds. The sky was clear as was the resolve in her heart. She loved Eustace, not Philip.

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**(Mary POV)**

Philip, then I thought, it was not his fault, it was mine. It was my entire fault. I thought that he would be different, that he would make my situation better. That finally married I would not have to be haunted by the thought of having to die alone and abandoned like my mother. I yearned so much for my father's approval, and yes now I see **he** was right, for everyone's approval. I only wanted to be loved. I thought I would have all of that with Philip, I was mistaken.

"We can still make it work" He said, wiping a tear from his face. I look at him in disbelief. After all I did and said he still wants us to be together? Is he mad? Does he really think this can world after all that I did to him? Does my relationship with Eustace mean nothing to him?

I don't love you –my eyes screamed as they looked into his dark emerald ones.

"This can never work" I said in a nonchalant manner. "We are a dead family, just like my mother and my father."

"We do not have to be" he said slowly "Mary we can make this work. I love you"

"No" I shook my head, it was not love he felt, it was duty and ambition just like I felt –I now realize- when I married him.

"We are a dead, our marriage is a lie, our love is a complete lie Philip. Who are we making fool of but us?" She cried, tears spilling from her eyes.

"We were destined to fail since … we married. Ours sons are better off"

Philip advanced in my direction. He could not believe what I was saying, how could he when he had been under the impression, all these years that I loved him? He probably thought that I would rather leave our sons in the care of my father than with their parents, he was wrong. I wanted my children in my care. How could he think that of me?

"Did you ever love them?" He asked suddenly making me go pale with shock. I barely had time to answer as he grabbed my shoulders and shook me violently. "Did you love them?" He asked once more this time louder. "Did you love me?"

What kind of question was that? Did I love them? Of course I loved them, I still did. Did I love him? Did I ever love Philip? Once I thought I did but now I am sure that it had never been love.

The look on my face must have been enough for Philip for he let me go and walked out of the room slamming the door leaving me alone with my sadness.

I did not hear of Philip for the rest of the day. He did not lock me in my room like I suspected he would do. He is not that type of man. Philip has every reason to denounce me, to ask for an annulment or for a divorce, worse he could denounced Eustace. But for obvious reason I knew he would not. Philip was a Royal, he was a man raised with the code of honors, and instilled in him since he was a child. I knew he was a man of his word. He would never denounce us as long as I remained with him –which I planned to do for my children, not our but my children for deep inside I knew that for all the love and gifts that Henry was showered by his "father" (Philip) he was not really Philip's.

And he would never be his.

Henry, I suspected would grow up to be like his real father, strong and astute with far more intelligence than his older brother or his so called "father".

My son will be a greater man than all their fathers, me or any other man in both sides of his family put together. He must be –for unless my father produced another son, he would surely be the next King of England after my brother and my eldest son.

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"_Since marriage began, the great artist has been known as a bad-boy husband. But he is worse: he is a child-robber, a bloodsucker, a hypocrite and a cheat. Perish the race and wither a thousand women if only the sacrifice of them enable him to act Hamlet better, to paint a finer picture, to write a deeper poem, a greater play, a profounder philosophy!"_

**~Tanner (Character) in George Bernard's Shaw's play: Man and Superman (1903)

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_**1543,**_** January 5th.**

**Nonsuch Palace******

(Mary POV)

I could not understand my father. First we were friends with France, now back to the Empire again I guessed. My father, if he hated something more than those who defied his authority like staunchly Catholics like I myself still was in secret, or alternatively like Heretics, were the Infidels. My father hated the Muslim faith worse than the Bishop of Rome's or Luther's.

He viewed Muslim with such deep hatred that it surprised everyone when he spoke how Suleyman should be captured and tortured until his bodily juices would escape from his body.

Such a notion was not a strange one to me. I had heard many say how we should rid the world of the Muslim faith, I partly agree. We must –but I wonder if this is the right way which Jesus would want us to act against our mortal enemies, through war?

It sounded ridiculous, but I had learned this was a man's world, and a man's world was full of war.

The whispering of Court subsided when I and Philip entered. Everyone was unaware of our marital problems, but they could see a change in us. We hardly spoke, and everyone looked at me with their solemn faces showing nothing but pity.

Philip was a great military leader, I would tell them, but it mattered nothing next to the great military leaders he would be facing, most who were his family, uncles and his cousin the Duke of Cleves who were in alliance with King Francis and the Turks they had once stood against. Funny how one day you can be friends and the next day mortal enemies. This world of men I never fully understood, and I don't think I never will as I saw my husband move away from me, yet his eyes never left me as he went to the King's direction, to my chagrin he left me with Kitty Howard and her brainless ladies.

_Oh joy_ I thought hearing Katherine Howard complementing on my children once more. Was this woman's purpose in life to steal away everything I have -first with my father, then my husband, the entire English Court and now my children? My mind roared angrily as I was forced to give her a sweet smile, the best that I had given her so far.

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**(Eustace POV)**

It was a week after New Year that all the preparations were done. It was clear, Henry VIII would be Span's ally, and in his army he would have the Duke of Norfolk, of course her uncle the Duke of Suffolk and last but not least his fourth general (a bad decision) his son in law the Duke of Bavaria.

The boy had no military skills compared to the elders whom he would be paired with.

Francis was no fool. He was not a great military leader but he was surrounded by experienced and trained generals, including the young man's family. Philip of Bavaria might have been the great hero of the Siege of Vienna, but he was still very young and extremely rash. He would make the Empire and England lose the battle, more importantly I think, he would lose his life because of his rash decisions in the battlefields.

But as I think of this –an idea crosses my mind. If the Duke were to die then milady would be completely free, a widow, to marry of whom she desired.

No Eustace, I think. Snap out of it. She could never be yours. She is too good for me, even if the Duke died, which that in itself would be a miracle, she would never marry me, her father would never let her.

And her children, she would stay with her children because I knew that her father would marry her off to the best bidder to make another alliance or worse she would be forced like Katherine of Valois to remain a widow. And unlike Katherine of Valois she would not give up her title as Dowager Duchess or her children to be with me.

She loved those children too much to give them up for love, in that I began to realize at last, she began to seem more and more like her mother, a different Katherine from the mother of the Tudor Dynasty.

I had done my best to protect her I realized, but I could never protect her from my love. My love destroyed us, and I had to get out of this room before I the strength in my knees leave me. I did not want to make a fool out of myself

It may have been Philip's glare that he had given her when she looked my way, but I realized I could not be in this Court room any longer so without notice I left and returned to my quarters where Fleming looked warily.

"What?" I asked throwing my cane to the floor. Fleming picked it up and shook his head giving me a disapproving look.

"Nothing master I was only sad because I saw a man today at Court leave everything he loved behind" he said and before I could open my mouth to bark at him at how he dare speak like that to his master, he left.

I walked despite the aching in my bones to the door making sure it would be locked. It was.

Good –I thought, and walked back to my bed where I stripped down and completely naked I slipped underneath the silken white sheets.

The only good thing that could come, I thought again, I just could not help it, is that if the Duke dies, I would be closer to milady than before. No more having to keep it secrets, I thought back to what she said. _"You could find a way"_ Indeed I went deep in thought, I could find a way. Tomorrow I decided I would use all of my knowledge of canon law, and experience in the English Court, to find a way, just in case the Duke would die (after all it could be a possibility, the young man was very inexperienced and this would be a serious war he would be in, and I could not help but think of him lying there in the floor bleeding to death because of his own stupidity, the thought alone was too beautiful for me to abandon), for her to keep her children if she married me.

There had to be a way, there just had to be otherwise it would all be for nothing, this worry of mine.

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**A/N: This chapter things have escalated now, for Marillac lovers yes he is leaving.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***Francis never really broke the Franco-Ottoman Alliance with Suleyman "the Great" in fact the whole Treaty of Nice signed in 1538 after the Italian War, of 1536 to 1538 ended, Francis had to find another excuse to continue on with this war. You see Nice was one of the largest cities of France and it became the place where Francis attacked in 1543. The year before when Henry found out about Francis' intentions to reclaim the duchy of Milan (the reason why even War broken out in 1522) since Francis always thought that was rightfully his, and for a time during 1514 I believe Francis had Milan in his power, but as much an intellectual as he was considered by many, he was a poor military leader.**

***However; it is important to note that even if the Empire had allies like Henry VIII and good military leaders, the war between the Countries really put a strain on everyone and for the first time Francis and Suleyman's forces did force Henry, especially Charles V to sign a treaty that would put an end to the conflict after the Battle of Bologna. This treaty ended the war finally in 1546, just a year after Chapuys left.**

**so now with this said only one thing more:**

**Review!**

**kk,**

**~Caroilna  
**


	33. Suffocating me

_**A/N: Thanks to my reviewers and my last reviewer LadyJaxs999 it says I can't PM you or review respond to you Rachel so I will respond to your review: Mary's fate some details will be changed.**_

**_This will be the last update before Thursday, because after that I am going to a short vacation and I don't come back until the 22nd ;)_**

**_I really recommend you hear the song Already Over by Red it totally fits this chapter and the drama which is very heavy here._**

**_kk,  
_**

_**~Carolina

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"_You never go_  
_Your always here (suffocating me)_  
_Under my skin_  
_I cannot run away _  
_Fading slowly_

_I'd give it all to you _  
_Letting go of me_  
_Reaching as I fall _  
_I know it's already over now_  
_Nothing left to lose_  
_Loving you again_  
_I know it's already over, already over now_

_My best defense, running from you (Cost me everything)_  
_I can't resist, take all you want from me_  
_Breaking slowly _

_I'd give it all to you _  
_Letting go of me _  
_Reaching as I fall_  
_I know it's already over now_  
_Nothing left to lose_  
_Loving you again_  
_I know it's already over, already over now_

_You're all I'm reaching for _  
_It's already over _  
_All I'm reaching for_  
_It's already over now_

_I'd give it all to you _  
_I offer up my soul_  
_It's already over, already over now_

_Give it all to you_  
_Letting go of me_  
_Reaching as I fall_  
_I know it's already over now_  
_Nothing left to lose_  
_Loving you again_  
_I know it's already over now_  
_It's already over now_  
_I know it's already over, already over"_

**~Red -Already Over**

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**1543, ****January 8th**

**(Eustace POV)  
**

As I promised next day I arose from bed and began to look through old document of canon law and English law as well, I was looking for any record that could help milady and myself keep her children in our custody, in case we were to marry and Philip were to die in the battlefield, which I wish but alas that could only be a miracle, but one nonetheless that I must ponder on. God could be merciful you never know.

Stop being positive and focus on the mission, my mind tells me and I go back to search through all the documents of similar cases in which custody is awarded to the mother and her new husband. So far there were no such cases, there was a case however the mother was lowborn and the father was a rich man which titles and vast lands, it was obvious that the Courts would have ruled in his favor.

With a man like me, though I knew I would be rich by the time I retired and moved back to Annency, it would be of no use. Money though it mattered a great deal in these cases, titles were everything. And what was I? But a lowly Ambassador, Excellency that was my only title -if you can call that a proper title.

Even Marillac had more noble blood than me! Just the thought of that made my mind seethe with rage.

I had to find something, there just had to be something, anything, a loophole, I was not asking for much Lord!

I finally gave up after long hours of searching.

No court would rule in our favor, it would be a miracle in itself that they would let us marry.

I walked back to the bed. I was already dressed, I was ready to attend Court as duty required me to. I had to watch everything that would happen today.

Today would be an important day. Today was the day that the King would announce that we, the Empire and England would be allies and that we would go to war. Today was also the day he would handpick and announce his major generals that would go with him to war.

When I arrived at Court I glanced at Marillac. I knew it was only a matter of time before that Frenchman left Court. Monsieur Marillac -I though a smile forming- you have been ousted by the man you accused to be nothing more than a crippled and old man, a monkey at Court -had been his exact words.

I diverted my gaze then to the King who was looking directly at his wife, and then his gaze traveled to his (now favorite daughter) Lady Elizabeth. No matter that his eldest daughter had brought him the heirs he always wanted, it was his daughter Elizabeth who was enjoying all the spoils of it. The King, thank in part to the young and frivolous Queen Katherine Howard, had showered the Lady Elizabeth with many gifts, and not only that, it was said that she would soon be given another household, one that my sources said was once meat to be milady's, Woodsham.

Near Maldon Port, now Lady Elizabeth would have three household, one near Pembroke which had once belonged to her mother when she had been named Marquess of Pembroke, her current on Hatfield, and the last but not least that she was about to be awarded, Woodsham.

It was too much for a bastard brat -I think. Does she deserve all of it? When it was her sister who had brought the crown two male heirs, one of them who was healthier than the other and was currently His Majesty's favorite? Why wasn't milady being showered with favor and gifts? The only time she was praised was when they suspected she was pregnant again. In fact that was the only praise she received, based on her pregnancy.

It angered me, but I suspected as my gaze shifted to her who was wearing a fake smile on her lips (I knew her well to know when she was pretending by that quick tick in the form of blinking, in her eyes), that she was only being recognized on the merit of her womb. She yearned for something more, she yearned to be the leader, the mother of nations, she saw all of the English, the Catholics as her real children. Her charitable spirit was known in all of England, just four years ago Cromwell had condemned her for it. The Master Secretary and Lord of the Privy Seal thought that she was housing Catholic fugitives, of course Cromwell had no proof he only wanted to discredit her good work, but nonetheless the Princess had to submit to the Master Secretary as any other to prove she was her father's loyal subject.

If someone wanted to have the King's favor, it didn't only do by praising his wife, they also had to be on the good side of the Master Secretary and the Lord of the Privy Seal, Thomas Cromwell.

I rubbed my forehead. It was supposed to be warm here, yet I felt a shiver ran down my spine as I watched the Duke's lips kiss her brow. Everyone who watched thought that the Duke was an ideal husband, that they were the ideal couple, a perfect example of a perfect marriage.

I scoff at those fools whose eyes will never see beyond the exterior. These fools, they never stop to think before they talk about someone. They base themselves on the physical appearances, they never saw what was underneath someone. They preferred to live in their little world where good and evil existed, they never stopped to think because if they did I knew they would see their world crushed like mine. I had survived all these years at Court exactly because of that. Because I had seen the true souls of everyone, not just the English or milady's but everyone I came in contact with, I first locked eyes with that person. In the New world the old natives, it was said by Fray Bartolome de las Casas, that they could see right through the souls of people just by looking into their eyes.

In fact the eyes were the windows of the souls for me. Just by looking at someone you could tell what kind of person you were up against, if he would be your ally, your tool or your rival.

Sometimes you found one person falling under all these categories.

* * *

It had been ten days since this was announced. The King would ride off into battle soon. The Howards were rising higher in power, now that rumor had it the Queen was pregnant and her uncle, the Duke of Norfolk who was famous for using Howard girls to advance his family's position at Court, was now being used by His Majesty for his military expertise to ride into battle with him and the rest of his English troops.

The Duke of Bavaria I could see was nervous. He did not expect the King to announce they would go into battle so quickly.

Poor boy, I pitied him, for he yearned for glory and instead he was being thrown into the wolves. With little experience but the Siege of Vienna, he would be thrown back into the battlefield against his family's former enemies, the Turks. This would not be Siege of Vienna Philip, I wanted to tell him. This would be much more different, here every decision you made, could get yourself killed or worse (if you care) get your men killed.

This was no simple siege. He would be up against the greatest armies the world had ever seen.

Was he prepared? I sincerely hoped not. I hoped for the Empire's sake he would not loose his battles, but I hoped for milady's sake that he would die. Of a deathly injure or camp sickness, anything that would make the way clear for and the Princess, and for her children to remain in her custody.

He saw right through me after he turned to my direction to lock glances with me. He knew what I was thinking, and his eyes spoke of triumph. So sure of himself was he. He thought that he would win. He clearly had never been up against Francis or the other Generals that had sided with him and the Turks. Let him think of triumph then, he would soon see he was playing with the big boys now.

* * *

Philip felt the Imperial Ambassador's eyes on him. He shrugged his shoulders. _'Let the man smile at him with triumph. He would soon see that when a Wittelsbach committed themselves to a goal, they got it' -_Philip thought arrogantly taking his look away from him, he turned to his wife who had to smile back at him to keep up with the appearances.

How she hated doing this. Subjecting herself to this hypocrisy. She preferred for Philip to hate her, for others to hate her as well but not having to pretend in this Court of masks. She felt she was becoming something else being with Philip, and she didn't like it, as much as she didn't like being away from _him._

Everything a Wittelsbach wanted, a Wittelsbach got. Philip was no different.

It had been forever since the King announced they would be going into battle. He had to admit he was nervous, and panic surged through him when the King announced he had chosen Philip based on his military knowledge since Vienna to ride with him and his two main generals, Norfolk and Suffolk, out into battle. He hardly knew those terrains, though he had experience with the Turks. It made him nervous, the possibility that he might not be coming back to his wife and his two children.

The Ambassador would not look her way, Philip noted smiling inwardly as his wife tried to throw a smile his way. He never answered her, he hated to admit but damn that man was bloody smart, too smart for his wife who had known him in every sense of the word, to recognize it.

The court was rising, more members were entering the Court making their way through the other Courtiers already present.

The Archbishop Cranmer of Canterbury -Philip noticed, with his flurry of purple and furs (he guessed he must have barely arrived in the dead of night for he was very attached to his furs), was making his way toward them.

He smiled at his friend and pulled him to a great embrace. It had been a lifetime since they had the pleasure of talking.

"Your Grace" Cranmer greeted to his good and loyal friend the Duke of Bavaria.

The Duke bowed his head in respect for the Archbishop. If it hadn't been for Cranmer, Philip would not have gotten this far in this stranger's Court. It had all been thanks to him -he now acknowledged to his good friend after they were done with the formalities.

"You do not have to thank me Your Grace" he paused watching his friend throw him that look. He quickly rephrased "Philip then, you don't have to thank me, you did all this on your own. Your wits and your good will did all of this possible"

Philip smiled, he preferred to be rid of the formalities when he was with his friend. They were by all means in private. The only one who stood besides them was his wife, but she would not say anything -she never did, Cranmer noticed with a glint in his eyes as he looked at the Duke's wife. To think this was the girl the good Queen Anne -_a Lady that so far he had never met any other to exceed his expectation of what a good evangelical wife, and Queen should be _(**her cousin**, **Katherine Howard -he considered- **was a poor embarassment to the good memory of that exceptional Queen -the only one, Cranmer thought, that so far had been the rightfully crowned and anointed Queen of England)- thought would be her downfall. Why she was a poor little mouse, she could hardly, now that Cranmer took a closer look on this cowering bastard, harm anyone. It had been a good decision, no doubt God's, to send her a husband who could tame her wild spirit like Cranmer.

Suddenly this thoughts stopped as he heard his good friend's, Philip's, voice -"Why so serious my friend? I would think you were disapproving of my wife?" Philip inquired with a playful smile.

Cranmer smirked and quickly replied composing himself and looking up at his friend, "Oh no, I was just admiring the Duchess, and hoping to God, that He can bless you with another child. Your children after all are our greatest gifts so far, and Henry himself not even a year old and last time I visited him at your home my friend, he was already walking and talking" Philip beamed at his comment. He was very proud of Henry as was everyone else in the Kingdom. Cranmer turned to Mary who was forced, to please her _good_ husband, smiled back at Cranmer. How she yearned to take that smile off his face. Cranmer could see right through her, better than her own husband. He was not intimidated by her.  
"You should be very proud milady" he said bowing his head in mock respect to the Duchess.

Mary's smile did not wear off despite the sarcasm in Cranmer's words and gesture. "Oh I am." She said in a nonchalant way her smile wearing off as she felt a familiar gaze on her. She did not dare turn _his_ way, they would know, especially Cranmer whose gaze was already very intrusive.

"Your Grace you must feel a blessed man. Two children, two fine children. I am sure they will grow to love the gospels as much as they do their father." Cranmer said expectantly.

"Of course they will. Their tutors I hear are men of God as yourself are they not?"

"Yes they are. Master Stamp is a man who follows our King and God to the boot. He has expressed interest in being Lord Henry's personal tutor after all that I have told him about your son"

"I hope my friend you were not over exaggerating" Philip said. His good friend had a tendency to do that.

"Is it exaggerating to praise what I see will be a great man with a greater future paved for him?" Said Cranmer knowingly.

"You got me there. But my Henry is very little still, and as you said it yourself we can still have more" Philip told him.

"Immediately?"

"That depends" Philip said slowly turning to his wife who was beaming with false joy, putting up the best show playing her part very well for this hypocrisy.  
"What do you say sweetheart?" He asked her in a loving manner.

"Yes. The crown and Bavaria as well need more heirs. I am only grateful, praying that I can do my duty to my loving husband and for England's best benefit" She had not, of course, been lying when she said this. The most important thing she intended to accomplish out of this marriage was for her own benefit and her children. For that, she knew she must wait until Philip would come back (after he would leave to war) in a coffin. She mentally smirked at that thought. Her dear 'husband' dying in the battlefield. It would not be something foreign to her. Many of her mother's ladies in waiting whose husbands had gone to war in her father's campaign in Theurianne (when he first fought the French forces of Louis XII)had lost their husbands. Her mother had been very generous to them, allowing them to keep a place in her Household. It was not impossible that Philip could lose his life during one of her father's campaigns, as much as Mary hated to admit it, her father was not the best general, if not for Norfolk and her uncle Charles Brandon, he would be dead already on those past campaigns where he fought the French.

The thought of Philip dying, though it caused her great pain. She pondered on it more, because his death would free her from this burden of having to bed him day and night, and having to watch as her children would grow up under the tutelage of Heretics. -If Philip were to die -she pondered once more as she watched Cranmer praise her for her answer (she smiled back, this dangerous thought helped her maintain her smile)- she would be a free woman, free to raise her children, to take them to live with her where she would teach them of the true one faith, the one True God, and not the fallacies that Cranmer and his legion were teaching them.

Cranmer could see something in those strange eyes of the Duchess. She was up to something, he knew her well enough to know that she was not to be trusted. While her face and mouth said one thing, her eyes said another. There was dangerous glint in those dark gray hooks of hers, and he did not like it, however he was not going to worry about what she could be plotting. He and Cromwell had enough men in this Court to know what happened behind their backs, especially Cromwell.

"Well then" he said after he finished praising the Duchess (his words exactly -_filial and loyal, very wise to be so to your husband_) "I am off now"

"Oh my friend don't tell me I bored you" Philip said showing him the same playful smile.

"Oh no, no Philip, but forgive me but the reason I have come here in the first place is to discuss with His Majesty these matters of wars. Pity that men should always engage in such actions" Cranmer said disapprovingly.

Philip nodded "I agree, it is something that is a real misfortune, for those of us who have a conscience"

"Let not the King caught you saying that, today we are friends with the Empire, maybe tomorrow when we are back being friends with the French he can praise you for that"

Philip could not help but chuckle at his friend's words. He couldn't agree more. He had been spending enough time in this Court to notice how quickly the opinions of these people changed.

He put a hand on Thomas' shoulder. "Good luck then Thomas. Gott mins uns" Philip said which meant God be with you.

"And with you as well Philip." Thomas answered with a light smile and then he left.

* * *

_"Love has to be the most difficult emotion. Unlike hatred you know it is deceitful, with love you don't know if it is going to last, or if is even love. Because really what is love? Is love even merciful, is it even real? Or is it something fake that perhaps we make it real like fairy tales, we feed it into our children so they don't know the truth._

_-What truth?_

_That love is nothing but an evolved form of lust" _

**~Fairy Tales by Anonymous

* * *

**

Eustace faced her. It had been three months, three long months since war erupted, and three months that she was still not by her side.

She was watched day and night by her husband's Bavarian servants, not to mention that meddlesome half French Sophie.

He could not stand a day without her, let along now nearly half a year. It had been only five months but for him it felt five years. He looked at the sleeping form next to him. Like any man he needed an escape. After the woman you loved had finally become untouchable you found yourself in a deeper abyss than when you were with the person you loved, trying to keep your relationship a secret from her jealous husband.

The woman next to him on her bed, he realized, was not so different from his Princess. She had darker hair, almost black, but her skin complexion, very white much like hers, and the color of her eyes though brown were the same shape as Mary's. He now understood why he had once felt attracted to this woman, this whore he had now become one of the many men who had fallen under her long lists of lovers.

He felt her stir. She opened her eyes, her dark brown eyes locked with his sky blue ones.

"Eustace" She said seductively her hand reaching up to his chin.

He pulled away from her touch, suddenly disgusted by what he had done. Shame washed all over him as he heard her laugh when he turned away.

"You are thinking of her aren't you?" She inquired. She may be all this man thought her to be, a despicable woman, a poor excuse of a human being. That was certainly what every one she had been with, all of her lovers, all thought of her as.

Yet, as a whore she had come to more about mankind than the big shots that said to know more of the world because of their voyages to different Courts.

Wars -she knew did not make men great, but they made men feel great. As for women, the only thing they were good for was bringing children to their husbands or being a man's whore. That was the destiny of all woman, to be men's whores. The only difference between women who were married and women who were not -was that whores like her got paid, wives did not, they were whores submitted to their husbands, yet this did not mean that they did not have ambitions. Her last lover for example, she often told him how his wife was an awful wench who only married him for his money and his influences with the Court. She smirked at the memory of Alexander. To date he had been her best fuck. God, even when she saw him in the crowded streets of London, he was still quite beddable, except Alexander since his ex-wife died he had no longer had the taste to take her or any other woman for that matter. It was a shame, she had enjoyed her time with him.

Her attention was turned to this man. Everyone knew who this man was. A man of God, a man of letter, a Christian Humanist. Bah! Cynthia thought. If only they knew that I had bedded the moralistic man behind all the machinations of the Empire in the Tudor Court, I would become the most famous (infamous!) in all of Christendom!

Eustace looked back at the whore whom he bedded. This is how low he had fallen? That he needed desperately a woman, and not just any woman but a cheap copy of the woman he loved by his side?

"Where are you going?" Cynthia asked seeing Eustace Chapuys shot up from bed and going where he had thrown his clothes as a result of the sexual frenzy from last night.

"None of your business. You would do well not to divulge this" He said becoming deathly serious.

She threw her head backwards against the soft pillows erupting in laughter.

Feigning slowly, he felt a strange pull toward that woman. Was she because -he questioned himself- because she is the only escape that prevents me to think of her? But, even in the mist of all this lust, he was still reminded of her. The fact that the woman seemed to bear a striking resemblance in the shape of her eyes, her bluntness, her voice and even in the shape of her face, her height everything, made him remember her more.

I cannot continue like this, being a fool, slave to love now slave to lust. What has been happening to me? What have I become? Eustace shook his head. He was going to end this once and for all.

Cynthia Casas thought she had the upper hand in this game of cat and mouse. She thought she had him where she wanted, that she could blackmail him, however in the game of seduction she would learn that no matter how many men she bedded, she was still an amateur compared to him.

"Listen to me" he said now fully dressed walking to her direction where she lay still lay under the covers of the bed. "If you say this to anyone I will make sure that you never see the light of day again" he finished darkly.

She snorted in greater laughter "You don't really mean it" she said sitting up her smile disappearing and turning completely serious. "I have heard what they say about you Excellency that you are a man of honor, a man of your words, but also an opportunist. You could threaten men, use women to your advantage but never can you harm them physically. I know men like you, men like you don't have it in them to harm us. You delight yourself humiliating us but you can't harm us. You are not just the type Monsieur"

Chapuys felt himself at the edge of loosing control the more he heard this woman speak.

"I remember the first time you came to Court, reaching out first to Queen Katherine, then wanting to humiliate Queen Anne, finally using Jane Seymour. Now you want to reach to the Duchess of Bavaria, the King's eldest daughter. You are a man who likes using women to his own advantage, destroying or building reputations, but you never harm them, not directly. My reputation since you came has been soiled by many men, but it has proven quite good. I have this great state, a state you came willingly after you found me near London last time. You know it is quite curious." she paused searching for the right words to say, bringing her finger to her chin. "You rejected all of my advances for ten years, yet you found me in the mist of London. What is that finally made you crack Excellency -that which brought you to me?"

With one swift move he grabbed her arm pressing it hard making her flinch. He wanted to make sure he was inflicting her pain to make sure she would know he was serious. He was not going to be like the others who had fallen for her dark hooks or her blackmail. He had eyes only for one woman, for one color, and that woman was not Cynthia.

"May the heavens fall if you tell anyone about last night. I know secrets of you through your lovers. Remember I have spies everywhere, I can make sure the rest of your stay in England will be nothing short of hell on Earth ... mark my words for they will be the last thing you hear on this Earth if you divulge this."

"Your words are nothing"

It was his turn to smirk "Are they Madame? You forget that I know about your illegitimate child. The one you passed as your cousin" He saw her pale, and this made him continue with his threat "I can make sure everyone knows whose child is she really from, and I can make sure that the father, a man you have blackmailed all this time, can file for custody of his bastard. You would loose the only human being you have ever cared"

He let go of her watching her face change from its earlier arrogance to utter hatred for him. "I would suggest you thread carefully" he said lastly and turned to leave a cynical smile on his face.

The last thing he heard her utter before he closed her chamber's door "Bastard" made him smile even wider.

* * *

"Trapped again" Mary kept saying to herself, spurring on her horse cantering east across the lush wide valleys of Hunsdson. She was desperate. Two of her maids, the ever the same loyal ladies that had been with her since the affair started, Susan and Jane trailed behind her. She could not take it anymore. It had been now four long months. Four months since Philip left, and six months that had she had sleep alone in her bed. The two months that Philip had been with her, Mary considered it didn't count. She could never compare Philip's closeness to Chapuys. She had been the only man who understood her, the man whom she considered had taken her in body and soul, while Philip only in body, and that she always told herself, had been for duty not for love.

"I need to see him" She had been saying it for several hours now, ever since she and her two ladies had set off to his cottage since morning.

Her ladies were huddled in their thick cloaks as she was. May had come, Spring had come and winter had finally ended. The sun was shining for them, Mary was sure.

They had long lost sight of Hunsdson. It was far behind them, the more she let her horse run free, the closer she felt him.

His cottage after an hour more, finally became visible.

It was very small, barely distinguishable by all the shade (because of trees) surrounding it, but Mary had good sight. She had been there before many times before Philip had found out about it, she would recognize his house anywhere. It was risky what she was doing. But most of the Bavarians were no longer paying attention to their Mistress, and she had received no letters of Philip or any news about him. Elsa, who besides Jane and Susan, she was the person she trusted the most, had told her that Henry was doing great, He could walk now without being held. Mary was proud, Goya was proving to be not only a good nurse but also a good Governess. If only Philip would have allowed Elsa to be her son's governess, Henry would not have to show himself so rebellious to his official one.

If Philip got wind, or any of his servants, what she was planning, they would certainly send a force big enough to seize her and bring her back. It was unlikely that he would get wind of it, of course -she had always been better than he at subterfuge -but even so, she was aware that he had his spies in his German servants, so she couldn't be too hasty like last time.

Last time had been a mistake. She had been very careful not to let anyone know of her plans. She and Eustace would be together again, of this she was sure.

"Madame" He said to her oce she came into the parlor after being received by Fleming. Her ladies went to wait alongside Fleming in the kitchens. She just had to see him. This was the day she had been waiting for nearly half a year.

Mary could not hold it any longer "Eustace" she said and ran to his side his arms open despite the pain in his leg to receive her.

They engulfed her in a strong embrace. He didn't wait any longer once she was in his arms. He leaned down and kissed her.

She responded to the kiss, it became more passionate. However they soon parted.

"Mary" he said now, recognizing that lustful glee in her eyes.

Turn back the clock, he said to himself, and he would never have given her up to Philip. He would have found a way. Pushing his reason aside, he knew there would have been a way for them, even if everything seemed to be against them, to be together.

"I missed you" she said bringing one finger to his lower lip.

He smiled getting lost in the touch of her finger in his lower lip. he later lets his fingers get lost in her dark auburn curls. This was heaven, they were convinced, nothing else besides them mattered.


	34. Love's affirmation

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything just the plot and the OCs.**

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks to all who have reviewed this fic and all my other ones I feel so happy with that, I never expected this much support. Thanks guys, keep showing your support by giving me your reviews, I appreciate that.**

**Some sexy scenes ahead I hope it is of your liking for all chary lovers. Tell me if they are or not.**

**I am updating a day ahead because I am going on vacation this friday and I won't be updating for an entire week, maybe more.**

**So I leave you with this long chapter, be sure to review!**

**kk,**

**~Carolina**

* * *

"_How long how long will I slide?  
Separate my side I don't  
I don't believe its bad  
Slit my throat  
Its all I ever_

_I heard your voice through a photograph_  
_I thought it up it brought up the past_  
_Once you know you can never go back_  
_I've got to take it on the other side_

_Centuries are what it meant to me  
A cemetery where I marry the sea  
Stranger things could never change my mind  
I've got to take it on the other side  
Take it on the other side  
Take it on  
Take it on_

_How long how long will I slide__?  
Separate my side I don't  
I don't believe its bad  
Slit my throat  
It's all I ever_

_Pour my life into a paper cup  
The ashtrays full and I'm spilling my guts  
She wants to know am I still a slut  
I've got to take it on the other side_

_Scarlet starlet and she's in my bed_  
_A candidate for my soul mate bled_  
_Push the trigger and pull the thread_  
_I've got to take it on the other side_  
_Take it on the other side_  
_Take it on_  
_Take it on_

_How long how long will I slide__?  
Separate my side I don't  
I don't believe its bad  
Slit my throat  
It's all I ever_

_Turn me on take me for a hard ride  
Burn me out leave me on the other side  
I yell and tell it that  
Its not my friend  
I tear it down I tear it down  
And then its born again_

_How long how long will I slide?  
Separate my side I don't  
I don't believe its bad  
Slit my throat  
It's all I ever had_

_How long …_

_I don't believe __its bad  
Slit my throat  
It's all I ever"_

**~Other side by Red Hot Chili Peppers**

**

* * *

**

(Mary POV)

I could feel his lips graze mine. I respond to the kiss making it more passionate. His lips are like fire, I just keep wanting more, and when I let my tongue in his, a battle of the tongue ensues. I want more, I want him to keep holding me, to be like this lost in his arms and kiss forever, however like all good things in our lives, they must eventually end.

I smile once our lips part. I look into his face. I know it is already over now, I no longer see the desire in his eyes, it is not there anymore. What I have in front of me is not the face of desire, of lust but the face of need, he needs me as much as I need him. And we complete each other.

_It is __Love _–I tell myself.

What I never have with Philip, what I will never have with my father, what I ONCE had with my mother and what I now know I will never have with the historians and fiction writers of the future, I will have it with him. He is my soul mate, my future and no matter how long this last I will make sure it lasts long enough so I will take a piece of him in my being, I want us to be not just lovers in every sense in the word, I want him to feel like he is part of me as I feel that I am part of him.

Our lips finally part after he had finished kissing me. I brought my finger to his lower lip, somehow I could not resist doing this, it was like his lower lip was calling out to me.

"I missed you" I declare, I could feel my smile becoming contagious as he finally smiles. I can sense he hasn't smile since he has seen me. I know Eustace better than he thinks, I can see that he has bee suffering well on his own, not able to live another day without me. It has been torture for me as well, being stuck in Husdson, anxious to hear any news from him. When Jane finally came and told me that Fleming had informed her that his master was ready to seem, I admit that I could not hide my excitement. I literally cheered and went to embrace Jane, telling her she was my best maid, making Susan roll her eyes at us.

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

I could feel her lips crushing mine. I had to make sure this was not a dream. I opened my eyes and woke to find her here with me. She was next to me, her head resting on my neck, and her curls just sprawled loose falling all the way to her back. How I yearned to get the strings from the back of her dress loosened so I could gaze at the marvel of her beautiful body.

Like Aphrodite she was my blessed gift from the heavens. She was my angel, my goddess, but most importantly she was my light, she made the darkness in my being disappear. When I was with her all the darkness that had been forming in my life since my father's death had finally disappeared –and I did not care if someone were to come of her servants of my servant to witness our embrace.

I honestly did not care.

I did however worry constantly. I imagined anytime her husband and the King's guard would come. I could imagine them taking me, milady being shamed. I could imagine her husband hitting her (though she had assured me many times before –and this is before we were discovered- that Philip was a man of honor and pride, he would never be capable of inflicting pain on a woman, less of all the woman, she had said, he claimed to love above all else in life). I doubted her words. I knew the nature of men. I had been around the world to know that men (and women alike) were not to be trusted.

Philip was a man scorned and as hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn, hell hath no scorn like a man's fury over his wife's betrayal.

Mary told me in the letter that Jane had delivered to Fleming where she urged me that it was becoming impossible to live one more day without the sight of me, that she dreamed constantly of Philip dying. She said that she felt it was a premonition, that God was telling us that he would die, and that he would leave the way clear for us.

I knew that love had clouded all of her ambitions, and it had destroyed the shrewd creature I knew her to be when I first met her. She was not thinking straight, my sweet and poor lady, my love for her had made her become so addicted to me that I could not help now but pity her.

I let my fingers pass through her soft dark auburn (almost brown) hair. How sweet was the perfume she wore, it was perfect with her own scent. She smelled of roses, everything about her I now realized was extremely intoxicating.

* * *

Mary looked at Eustace Chapuys.

Her head had been buried in his shoulder after they parted from their kiss. Looking back up in his bluer eyes, eyes that shun the light through her dark spirits, she realized that she was only the wife of Philip in name, in spirit she could be the wife of only one man and that was the man she was staring at now.

Above them the sun was shining, it was enlightening to know that even the heavens were clear for them, that there was no dark cloud in the sky. That despite the shadows in which the cottage took refuge to be avoid detection, outside of the darkness there was nothing but light. Mary saw this as a sign while Chapuys saw it as a potential danger. He hated the light, the more the light shone on the cottage, the easier it could be detected, and he noticed that though it was very early, and that he could easily convince her to stay he could not allow desire to take over them.

Philip had a better watch now that he was gone, everyone in that house of Hunsdson was a spy for him, and they would no doubt be reporting to Philip if they found his wife's behavior be suspicious again.

He felt himself fading slowly by asking her this, but he had to if they wanted to keep meeting, even if it was to be like this in secrecy.

"Milady" he said becoming too formal. "You have to leave" It hurt him, every inch of his soul to say this.

Mary moved her mouth in protest, the words about to be spilled but Chapuys was quick to add to his comment –"It is the only way milady that we can meet. If you stay they will find out"

She did not need to be explained what they would find out, and who 'they' were. She knew perfectly were what 'they' were capable of. She acted as their Mistress, and they acted as her loyal subjects, yet they all knew that 'they' were loyal to one person, and that was their original Master the Duke of Bavaria, her husband Philip.

Everything she did they would report back to Philip. What time she went to bed, what time she washed herself, even what time she ate, and what she ate! It was ridiculous, yet it was the way her husband operated. She hated being under this vigilance, it was invasive, she felt her privacy wither away with everything that Philip did to undermine her little moments of whatever freedom she had left in that house. It was her household, her house, her property. Her father had given it to her. It should be her not him ruling over the rest of her subjects. Now it was her own ladies (except Susan and Jane) who had succumbed to Philip's smile and they all pledged allegiance to him.

She wondered if Eustace had been right all along, if she had made a great mistake in not only marrying Philip, but also in allowing him too much freedom over her servants, including her ladies?

She would never know now, and she didn't want to, because if she asked herself the **what if** question, that would lead her to a future where she was not married, a bitter woman with no children. No Philip and no, she thought her eyes still locked with his bluer orbs, no Henry.

Her children meant the world for her. She could not imagine a life without them that in the end (with a heavy heart) she found herself agreeing to Eustace's words.

"Do we really have to live like this? Hiding our love? Why can't we find a way?" She inquired letting bringing her palm to his face, caressing his lower lip once again as she continue "maybe when I visit Court, maybe when we both are in Whitehall" she began, "we can meet each other there, I know of secret passages that can lead us to be together" she finished a mischievous grin playing about her lips, just thinking about the million possibilities that could happen if he were to agree for them to meet in secret at night in Whitehall, Nonsuch, Durham or wherever it was they would find themselves together. Since she knew it was most unlikely that he could be thinking the same, she had to use whatever verbal weaponry she had left to convince him.

He could see how she was getting lost in her delussion, and took her palm away from his face.

"Nay milady, by the time if God be willing we find ourselves in the same palace, your father will have the palaces so well guarded it will be impossible for us to meet, besides even my spies tell me that Parliament, influenced by Cromwell" at the sound of Cromwell Mary made a grumbled but Eustace ignored her complaints "has become more paranoid. Spies are everywhere, everyone is suspect. We must avoid all suspicion."

"Do we indeed?" she replied grimly quirking an eyebrow "Do you wish to spend another day Eustace without my touch, without my lips on your neck, without my eyes looking at yours, piercing through your bluer orbs?" Her voice was very seductive in the end that she allowed herself to grin as a hand moved its way up to his face, her finger touching his lower lip.

Eustace was eager to hear more now of her proposal now. He had fallen under her trap and she could feel it. He was right where she wanted him. He was hers again. But unbeknown to Mary it was not desire that propelled him to listen to what she had to say, it was more the guilt of having to sleep with a cheap bronze copy of his lady, that made him fall into her fingers.

"Eustace this does not have to end. I can leave but we can find many ways, so many ways for us to meet. You control the spies and Susan tells me of the many passages in Greenwich, I remember some of them myself, don't forget it was my birthplace after all as well as my sister's and my brother's. We can arrange for a way for us to see each other"

"Mary" he said returning to his usual seriousness as she finished. "They will not stop looking for a way to make you fall from grace. They are all nervous as we are, they know the Duke's life hangs from a thin string. If he were to die, you would die as well (politically). Your children if you gain their custody, by some miracle, they knew that you will begin to prepare them to be good Catholic rulers. The lords and the rest of Parliament know where your loyalties are, they do not expect you to survive without a husband. They will find a way to exclude you from the line of succession or your children, thus the throne will got to your siblings and their children. Do you want to give it all up for lust?" He finished his tone becoming demanding.

Mary shook her head. "Not lust" she said "Love" and she withdrew her fingers that had been in his cheek, and she brought her lips closer to his kissing him.

The kiss was brief, as Chapuys felt himself very lost in the touch of her lips. They were soft while his were (he believed) rough. She was absolutely all the opposite that he was. He was dark, she was light. He believed he did not deserve something as pure, and beautiful like her. Her soul's purity, her devotion to god and the rest of the human race made him feel so little. He had always accused her of being naïve, yet when he was with her it was he who felt naïve and so little, next to her he really was nothing.

"Eustace" she said moaning as his arms enveloped her in a strong embrace, his cane falling to the ground as he was holding desperately to her as for support.

She could hear his heartbeat, she loved the sound of it like angry drums beating faster, creating heavier noise as he intensified the kiss, making their tongues meet once again as her arms went to circle his neck, her fingers burying deep into his hair caressing it as she felt him momentarily loose balance.

Eustace had his eyes completely shut. He held her very close to him because he was afraid he would loose, he was afraid that once she would walk out that door he would never see her again, and when the pain of his leg returned, it only made matters worse as she nearly fell at the same time he clutched her tighter. He felt like a heavy burden on her. A beautiful woman and Princess like her, he thought, falls in love with the beast.

Eustace smirked inwardly. She was everything he was not. Already over was his humanity, there was no goodness in him, none absolutely. He was broken inside, hollow while she had so much hope, very naive she believed that everyone in this earth, even the Heretics and bastards like Cranmer and her sister, deserved a second chance.

He wondered, how was it that a pure soul like her could have fallen in love with a man like him?

He could not have believed it, years ago if they told him that a commoner like have fallen in love with a Princess, and that this love would have been reciprocate. It would have made Eustace burst mad with laughter. Yet here it was -it was happening.

But much as Eustace enjoyed the touch of her lips, and the taste of her tongue t-hey had to part.

When Eustace took his lips from away from hers he opened his eyes. They made contact with her dark ones.

"They will be suspecting you if you stay here longer" he said -small grin appearing on his face. He had found her smile and her humor each time more contagious.

Not to spoil this moment however before they said their farewells she said -"Let us promise ourselves then before I leave that … please hear me out … that we will make the best to see each other again"

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

I could not help but knit my eyebrows in confusion. Since when had she become the oracle?

However; I decided to play her game, to amuse her since I felt I needed some amusement in my life.

She watched me expectantly, her features showing frustration as it took me a long time to answer her.

I finally decided to answer her:  
"You will always have an ally in me" I say in all honestly.

She narrowed her eyebrows tilting her head at me. She did not believe in what I said, and who could blame her. I even had doubts of my own words.

"You are lying" -she said.

I sighed.  
"Mary we have to be very careful. These are dangerous times we are living on" I said knowingly my grin disappearing, and I turned deathly serious "What do you think is to happen if they find the Princess or Duchess' reputation has been soiled?"

"I am not as naive as you believe me to be! Do you think I have not considered that day and night?" She shot back at me.

"Then prove it, let us consider what you are asking" I cry in frustration at her. Does she not realize what she is asking of me, and what this could mean for her, for us?

"I am not going to spend another month waiting for you. You have your spies, I know Greenwich and Whitehall (part of it) like the palms of my hands, we can find a way to see each other, besides without Philip being here to watch us, we are free to see and be in each others' beds" She said becoming desperate for my approval.

I sighed once again and make a desperate attempt for her to understand. "Mary-" But it is futile.

"Please Eustace, at least say you will try" She pleaded.

I close my eyes momentarily pondering on what she is asking of me. Could we really pull this off? Could I really risk my reputation and my own life any further for the Princess? I think of all that could happen if we were discovered, but soon my mind becomes invaded with other thoughts -of we could have, of all the moments we could be spending in each others embrace -you would only need to be careful -a voice in my head suggests.

"Eustace" she prompted her voice becoming firmer. I open my eyes, returning to my usual seriousness, but it soon becomes lost in the presence of those darker gray orbs. _This will not bode well_ -I tell myself.

My lips move, but I could barely heard what I said, until I soon realized the full meaning of my words.

**_"We could work a way out"_** I soon regret their meaning, and feel the pain in my leg return, it becomes harder for me to find a way to support myself, I try to clutch my cane harder, but it is only until I hear her laughter that all the pain seems to go away.

"Stubborn old man" She said with a smirk added to her face.

"Stubborn should be** your **trademark" I say smirking back in return.

"Then where does it leave you if you are not the stubborn?" She asked me coyly.

I chuckle lightly "Cynic –is the best surname I have ever since I became your cousin's Ambassador and loyal subject"

"Loyal enough to sleep with his cousin?" she asks raising an eyebrow.

She is both mocking and challenging, I cannot help but find all of this very funny.

"You have become very sarcastic milady" I comment still chuckling.

"I had the best teacher" She pointed. She moved closer to me. I did not miss the lustful glee in her eyes, it finally made my laughter die down as I turn serious.

"Mary" I say softly getting lost in her appearance.  
It was the sight of her loose hair, her dark auburn curls and her dark gray orbs that had first made me notice her on Hatfield. Until then, I could have sworn that I had never seen such a beautiful creature in my life before. She seemed like an Angel.

How easy -I thought- it would be to kiss her, to grab her hand and lead her upstairs to my room. We would be in each other arms feeling our body heat comforting us. She would be happy, and I would be content with just having her by my side again, but I knew she had to go back, I couldn't let her husband's servants suspect anything.

It had hurt me more than it hurt her when I convinced her that she had to leave, however I added, giving her some hope -"we will see each other again"

The glee in her eyes disappeared and was replaced with sadness. "I love you" she said softly giving me one quick kiss on my cheek before leaving.

* * *

It was hard for Mary to leave him but Eustace was right. They had to avoid suspicion at all cost.

Yet his last words gave her hope. If they were lucky their paths would be crossed once she would be asked to Court again. They were bound to cross paths there.

"I love you" she said lastly giving him one quick kiss on his cheek, and then she went for Susan and Jane.

Eustace stayed in the parlor while Fleming accompanied them outside. They rode back to Hunsdson, and after they had arrived, she noticed that her _servants _were all waiting for her.  
She saw no suspicious glances been exchanged between them or thrown at her. _Good_ -she thought. They knew nothing and they suspected nothing.

Her trip to his cottage had been short, and she had not stayed as she would have liked to, because as he told her –that would have aroused great suspicion, and suspicion was the last thing they wanted.

How they had cheered before these German servants came into her household. She remembered a time when her ladies had beamed at the sight of Mary -they had rushed to her, colorful banners in towns. Wherever she had gone (before her marriage to Philip) would be thrown at her feet. Everyone would have cheered now, had it not been for Philip and the fact that he was away and that England was at war with France once again.

Slowly the people in the small towns nearby -people who had once supported her- were beginning to lose their trust in her and in the Empire. They had begun to see Mary as a traitor, even her own ladies since she married Philip. Philip was a Heretic and she was a Catholic, that was bad enough for the people, they thought that she had forsaken her mother's struggle and her old faith for nothing more than love and interest, but that was farther than the truth.

_God help us all _–she thought –_if I do not have my own people's trust whom I can rely on then?_

Then there was the matter of Eustace Chapuys. Her friendship with him should be enough for the people and the other Courtiers to know that she was still a friend and loyal subject of the Empire and the Catholic Church. But while it convinced the Courtiers, it did not convince the people. With Mary -they viewed- in the hands of Heretics and her sons too, whom they could run to for support?

_What would they say if they knew that I have more than just a friendship with Eustace?_

Susan and Jane had their own opinions on the matter regarding her secret affair with Chapuys. Susan thought that this was the biggest mistake of her life, and Jane, well Jane was too young to make an intelligent judgment, and Mary saw that the young girl thought of her mistress' affair as a fairy tale and a sort of excitement would rush through her whenever Mary would ask of her to be her personal and secret messenger. The girl knew nothing of love or what it meant, the danger for her and Chapuys, to have a love affair. She was still too young to understand, despite claiming the contrary.

As she came to her bedroom she threw herself on the bed feeling cold -She had been shivering since she came- She did not have him by her side to warm her up, and she felt utterly alone in a house where no one (but Susan and Jane) respected her.

_No husband, and no children. -_she was reminded.

_Do I really want them hear anyway_? She asked herself, immediately despising herself for it.

There was only one person she wanted to be with right now.

Her enemies at Court needed only one excuse to give her father a good reason not to include her or her children in the line of succession after Edward. Philip and Henry were still very young, and their minds though very malleable, could easily be re-shaped by their mother if their father were to die. She would get ownership of them, she would oversee their education. She and Bishop Latimer that was -would make sure that they would grow up to be good Catholic Lords and possibly Princes who would one day continue their mother's work, to restore England to the Papacy just as it was meant to be, since this was her task, her destiny -she still believed.

Mary sighed. She did not speak for the remainder of the day. Instead she waited for nightfall to come, and when it finally did Mary closed her eyes and began to dream of a beautiful green Country, the country her mother always told her about in fairytale. She said that this Country however could be real but it could only exist in heaven. Mary found herself dreaming more of this Country, living all the descriptions that her mother had told her as she came to stand in front of a beautiful white castle, unlike everything that she had seen before.  
Mary wanted to go to that castle, but there was a river in between keeping her from it, and then when she took her shoes attempting to swim right through it she heard a strange voice yet familiar presence preventing her from it.

"It is not your time" It told her, and then she felt she was being pulled back before she could cry in protest.

When she woke up the following morning she found herself in her bed, in the same bedroom she had locked herself in. Even if he was gone, Philip's darkness still accompanied her when she woke up every morning in Hunsdson. With the drapes covering each window, she could not receive the sun's rays. It was the way Philip had wanted it, he thought he was being just that this was a fair way to scold Mary for her betrayal.

She shook her head in pure dismay. Rubbing her temples she closed her eyes again, she wanted to go back to dreamland to visit that green Country her mother always told her about. Everything felt backwards now, like this life with Philip was the dream, and her past encounters with Eustace where her real escape to the real world.

* * *

"_Men had no divine power; they neither bred nor bore; yet somehow they felt they had some natural right in the fruit of their women's bodies, as if coupling with a woman gave them some power of ownership, as if children did not naturally belong to the woman whose body had sheltered and nourished them"_

**~Marion Zimmer Bradley's: _The Firebrand _[p.08]**

* * *

_**1544**_

**On the Front of the Battlefield:  
**

A riffle wind woke Philip up. It stirred the light garment about his wounded soldier's wrappings, and some of them, their hair flew wildly like solitary birds in flight. Many of these English men were not prepared for the tide that had come their way; many of them did not know the discipline that men in his country were reared in since birth. This was where the difference between what it was to be an English soldier fighting for your King, who was also your God, and a German born and bred for discipline, who fought for nothing else than for survival was noted.

_The English_ -Philip thought, _**they**_ _know nothing of hardship_. _They had an idyllic life, they are nothing but naïve and mindless drones –they are useless for battle, they can't take anything, even a simple wound and they are on the ground screaming for their lives!_ Unbeknownst to Philip these were the very same thoughts that reigned on Eustace Chapuys' mind day and night as he was kept up to date with the war by his master and Mary of Hungary's letters.

He shrank inwardly; would God berate him (or in the case of the English –Henry VIII) for leaving his post to tend to the wounded, especially when as General it was his duty to be present in the battlefield. The men, even his men, needed an after all a symbol, a figurehead to give them courage.

Something in his step, the deliberate way he moved, told his soldiers (who fought for more than hypocrisy, for more than freedom –they fought for survival) that despite the well known form and features that he normally possessed had been altered drastically after having seen all the wreckage in the battlefield. Most of the soldiers from His Majesty's side were near death, and it was all due to their commander's bad decision to go early into the battlefield.

_Honestly –_thought Philip angry at seeing one soldier clutching his throat, which was bleeding badly as was his hand (soaked in blood and missing three fingers)- _who picks these poor officers! Do they not realize that their bad decisions are not only costing us a battle, they could also cost us a war!_

He shrank away from the dying soldiers. It was no use seeing and giving them comfort. No words would take away the pain that plagued these soldiers' minds. It was unbearable, so far away from their children, from their homes, from their wives' –Philip could easily relate to them in all these aspects since he was just as afflicted as them.

A strange land he was in, he felt he had been here before. Back in Vienna, things were very different. For one -his family was fighting off the Turks; he had felt their support during the counter attack against their enemies. Here it was different. The Cleves region supported France and Bavaria who should be fighting at the Duke of Cleves side, here was its ruler fighting alongside their sworn enemy –the Holy Roman Empire.

His flesh suddenly felt cold when he returned to his horse and rode back to the front lines of the battlefield. He was not afraid of dying, for he knew it was not his time yet for death to claim him.

He could not die. He had a wife, a _family_ that was waiting for him, and a_** love**_ he had to defend. No, Bavaria and England would not be left in Civil War and neither would Bavaria. On this day –he convinced himself- he was going to become worthy of his wife's love. _This battle will not kill me, we will win, and I will make sure I return to England a celebrated war hero so I can finally become worthy of her love._

He put his hand on his chest, making this pledge that nothing will melt away his desire to see her face and his children's faces again.

_For them_, he told himself, _I am doing this sacrifice of putting many men in danger, so they will grow up and inherit a land free that will be as mighty and strong as I hope the to be._

Looking up at the heavens he noticed that the stars were their greatest allies tonight. The moonlight was shining directly towards his enemies; it was giving them false hope while giving Philip and his soldiers the advantage of spotting them without trouble.

_Heaven was on their side, these Turks_, he thought, _they never __**do**__ learn_. They were like children, easy to beat, easy to predict their movements. Today he would attack them, and he would smash their awful blasphemous banner that had the crescent moon. The Irony there, the moon their greatest ally had now turned into their greatest enemy.

_Where is Allah now?_ Philip thought mockingly looking at the angry Turks who were ready to show them hell.

God really had a way to humor his faithful troops, this was the proof the soldiers needed as Philip spoke up calling them to battle, that God was on their side.

They all followed Philip as he finished his speech and charged at their enemies. They had catapults, they had towers, they seemed they had everything they did not have, but Philip's men had conviction, they were born out of struggle just like all of the Germans, and they were sure they had God on their side.

* * *

_**1544,**_

_**New Year,**_

**Whitehall, England:**

_While the battle raged on in the town of Milan _where Philip was fending off the French and Turkish troops; at Whitehall palace (after the celebreations for the New Year had ended) Mary and Eusace found themselves in each other arms barely able to contain their happiness at being together again.

At first they just embraced, leaving all formalities aside they parted and looked at each other; really looked at each other for the first time since their secret meeting at his cottage.

He drew her to his bed. They buried themselves inside the silken white sheets.

She missed this, she missed his touch, his lips on her neck, and most of all she missed his eyes. It was those pair of eyes that always gave her comfort,that always made her feel warm inside and believe that there was still hope.

After they had stripped from their clothing, he mounted her and Mary found herself panting heavily. It had been six months since she had done this unaware that for Eustace it had been less. She couldn't help but feel nervous and yet overcome with desire as he looked into her eyes.  
"Don't be afraid" he said kissed her gently on the lips. His hands trembling as they sensuously traced the arching curve of her waist hips, thigh and moved up to finally land on her breasts making her moan even as they were kissing.

"Eustace" she said speaking softly to him after their lips parted, in her sweetest tone yet. "Make love to me"

He did not need to be told twice. He had dreamed of this for the past six months, he could not wait to feel her legs, to feel himself inside her, and to hear her screaming, calling out his name.

"Make love to me" she said again more pleadingly.

"My Lady" he said kissing her ardenly, his tongue inside her letting a battle of the tongues ensue. "I have missed you" she told him "It has been to long Eustace, I felt I was not free at Hunsdson, now I am with you, now I feel complete again. Tell me you missed me too Eustace, say you did I need to hear it even if it is not true, just once from your lips"

How could she still doubt that he did not miss her? Was his allowing her to be in the same bed he slept in, not proof enough that he desired her, that he loved and missed her every day that they were apart?

He saw the joke of her words as she suddenly grinned at him letting herself chuckle at his initial shock. He didn't like being played the fool, and he didn't enjoy her jests. "You are aware that I hate being played at" He informed her.

She smiled wider kissing him lightly on the cheek "I need you closer to me, why don't we cut through the chit chat for once?" She ventured.

He couldn't have agreed more.

"Be mine?" She asked her tone huskier this time.

Philip of Bavaria was mad -he thought- to leave her (a Goddess) to pursue fortune and Glory.

_Fortune and Glory! _-Eustace smirked mentally. That man he was more a chicken than a warrior. He thought that because he had fended the Turks before that he was an expert by now. How wrong he truly was, wars were more about courage and conviction, they were about brains and strategy, something which the Duke he was sure, truly lacked.

The tip of his manhood was brought closer to her sex. God be willing-she thought when his thrust was becoming harder for her to take in. At first he had been trying to be gentle but seeing the feelings of desire dripping from her eyes, he quickened its pace sending her into spams of pure ecstasy.

_God_, she was so lost in the ecstasy of feeling Eustace manhood deeper inside her, _please don't let this moment end._ She pleaded to her Lord desperately feeling his ragged breathing as he too was having trouble trying to make this last as the throbbing pain in his leg became evident.

This time Eustace had taken her with greater ardor than all of their previous encounters, stripping away inhibitions and boundaries, and launching them on a sensual journey of ever great discovery for these two soul-mates.

_Never hold back -_he thought feeling their climax nearer as his finger came closer to her thighs and hers running through his hair.

May never felt herself be taken so gently, and yet so possessively by someone before. Only with HIM -she could feel all of these addictive emotions take control of her mind, only with him she could feel her body react freely to desire, only with him she could feel let go of all her mind's inhibition and feel her body sparring against his trying to gain control and ultimately loosing as he imprinted on her again and again prolonging their desire.

He thrust harder this time into her making her flinch and dig her nails deeper into his back, as her support when she felt his release. It was like a flood of flames had engulfed and she felt the flames penetrated through her entire being. Momentarily she closed her eyes so she could feel better all the emotions that had hit her with his last thrust.

"I love you" he breathed in her ear softly making her almost jump as he gently withdrew himself from her.

Panting heavily he rolled back on his side his legs aching terribly.

They had always lasted hours engaging in this same type of love making, but never before had they felt so engulfed with passion and desire, and so free from all other worries. With Philip gone, she realized they had no reason to hide what they really felt for one another.  
It made her happy to hear 'I love you'. Coming from his lips they were more than just three words, it described just how much she meant to him. That she had imprinted on his soul, as he had imprinted on his.

Let them say that she was Philip's wife, in name only. Unofficially she preferred to think of herself as Eustace's. If only in another life she was not a Princess marked by destiny and he not a commoner marked by duty -they would have been granted a chance of living happy with each other.

She was too exhausted from their lovemaking as he was to speak, but she wanted to tell him that in these moments that they had spent together, in these long hours, that although the feel of being one with one another was gone, she felt that they had been spending a lifetime's worth -more than what she could say she ever felt with her husband.

She snuggled closer to him. Soon came the warmth feel of his strong embrace.

She pressed her smooth cheek to his rouch and bearded one, rebeling in the masculine scent of him. How she yearned as she closed her eyes that this dream would never end.

* * *

**A/N: For all those who have seen my new icon yes it is SSLEs too, she passed it to me, btw thanks to Dani for all the brainstorm, and just some quick fact vs fiction:**

***The real Italian War officially ended in 1546. Also as we know Chapuys leaves England officially in 1545. As for whether this fic will show his leave or not as canon history you will have to keep on reading to see that.**

***The battle described that they were fighting on Milan is not really entirely true, while battles were fought there, you must remember this is AU, and the real battle did not pose a real challenge and consist only of Turkish and French forces as I describe here, also POB in real life I am sure as in my fic would have done a fairly good offense against the Turks, as for being stationed with a lower English officer who made bad calls sending most of his men in a rash decision against his superior officer -POB- I made this just to imply that though POB might be the superior officer it is only in name. The crown wants to make it clear to him that POB that he is subject to England in every way.  
In real life the duchy of Milan as mentioned before was something that was often fought by Francis, for a short period of time he did hold it but lost it during the beginning of the 1520s when he lost against the Emperor and Henry VIII allied forces, which led to his capture.**

***Chapuys will be leaving this year briefly. I plan to keep some details of his absence from the English Court canon, like him overseeing the progress on the war and also his correspondence with the Emperor, and his son Philip of Asturias will be mentioned as well.  
His return will be included by the later part of 1544, that is another thing I plan to keep canon and he will stay there (even when Francis Van der Defelt comes to substitute him) for a short period of time.**

**That is all, now you know the drill:**

**REVIEW!**

**~Carolina**


	35. Open your eyes

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything just the plot and the OCs.**

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks to all who have reviewed this fic. I won't be updating for an entire week, maybe more.**

**I leave you with one last chapter before I leave, except for my mother bickering all the time I am going to Canada and up-state NY state where is green and more green so I will be able to take some photos and give me time to rest at night looking for more inspiration to draw and write.  
**

**kk,**

**~Carolina**

**

* * *

**

_"I've stayed in one place for too long,  
Gotta get on the run again,  
I saw the one thing that I want,  
Hell bent, get outta bed,  
I'm throwing rocks at your window,  
You're tying the bed sheets together,  
They say that we're dreaming too big,  
I say this town's too small,_

_Dream,  
Send me a sign,  
Turn back the clock,  
Give me some time,  
I need to break out,  
And make a new name,  
Let's open our eyes,  
To the brand new day,  
It's a brand new day,_

_I've taken hits like a brawler,  
But I'm getting back up again,  
And from the moment I saw her,  
I was hell bent with heaven sent,  
I'm throwing rocks at your window,  
We're leaving this place together,  
They say that we're flying too high,  
Well, get used to looking up,_

_Dream,  
Send me a sign,  
Turn back the clock,  
Give me some time,  
I need to break out,  
And make a new name,  
Let's open our eyes,  
To the brand new day,  
It's a brand new day,_

_It's a brand new day,  
I know it's a brand new day,  
Come on to the brand new day,  
I know it's a brand new day,_

_Dream,  
Send me a sign,  
Turn back the clock,  
Give me some time,  
I need to break out,  
And make a new name,  
Let's open our eyes,  
To the brand new day,  
It's a brand new day,_

_Dream,  
Send me a sign,  
Turn back the clock,  
Give me some time,  
I need to break out,  
And make a new name,  
Let's open our eyes,  
To the brand new day,  
It's a brand new day,  
It's a brand new day"_

**~Ryan Star -_Brand new day_  
**

_

* * *

_

**1544, New Year  
**

**Whitehall  
**

It was with a glad heart that Mary awoke next morning, and though she was forced to part with Chapuys because they wanted no one to suspect them, she couldn't shake the feeling away of self-fulfillment. For the first time in her life, Mary felt complete and free to roam in his bed without the fear of having Philip burst through his door and bringing her back to her gloomy existence at Hunsdson.

Mary kept asking him why was it he had been so serious lately?

He never gave her a full answer -she could tell there was something wrong but no matter how much she tried to approach the problem, Eustace always changed the subject. In this case he did telling her that mayhap soon the Emperor might send him to Calais to oversee the progress of the war against France, and making sure that nothing would shatter the alliance (now that it was stronger than ever) between England and the Empire.

Mary swallowed hard and tried to put a brave smile. "I suspect you will be asking for your retirement while you are there." Her gaze fell.

Eustace had dreaded this day. Ever since Marillac had left, he had feared that he would soon follow.

**~o~**

_1543, September_

_"What do you think about the war Excellency?" Marillac asked casually to the Imperial Ambassador._

_My cold eyes looked into Marillac's dark blue ones. I smirked at him as I did.  
_

_"Wars come and go but I don't come here for the war, much less to talk about things that haven't happened yet" I said smirking at him even wider as I saw the look of dismay in his eyes._

_Like I would care, I told myself. People like Marillac, astute and clever as they were, they were dreamers. They believed that peace and understanding can make their Nations stronger. I pity these people, they should know by now -what my first master told me -any nations who wants to live in peace for the rest of its short life, will cease to be nothing but a piece of other and more powerful, and bolder nation._

_"Wars then is the answer? More men become richer and the people become poorer, where is the profit left for the people?"_

_"That is the talk of an idealist" I point out with an irritable tone._

_"No, it is the talk of a man who only wants what is better for his nation, but perhaps you are right let the people die, the Emperor will gain more territory and soon he will have the world crawling at his feet" he said cynically smirking now as my smirk was replaced with a serious expression._

_I turned to the window next to my office where I watched the sun set. _

_Feeling more frustrated with the French man's presence who I think is a disgrace to the diplomatic body, I calmly say -"Monsieur Marillac, short of changing human nature, the only way idealists like yourself **can** achieve peace is that powerful nations like the Empire that you accuse of being opportunistic, takes the profit out of war"_

_"Then what are you doing here Excellency, the more you send letters to your master, somebody is bound to suspect -you could be conspiring against His English Majesty" he said a small smile grazing his slips replacing that hideous smirk._

_I did not like what he was implying, however I maintain my calm._

_"Has cat got your tongue Excellency?" He asks _

_"No Monsieur I am merely admiring the view, you should come and see the swans"_

_I could hear Marillac grumble something foul at me in French. I laugh inwardly, I was pressing my lips very hard not to laugh._

_"Do you take me for a fool?"_

_I finally turned to him again and walking closer before we exit my Office I say "No Excellency you are what you are, and so" I then look at my feet, feeling an overwhelming sense of defeat, that I cannot help but ask why -since this is my triumph, I am staying and Marillac is the one that is leaving -"am I"_

_**~o~**  
_

Eustace opened his eyes to see at Mary again. Her big dark blue eyes bearing deep into the very dark depths of his soul. He had felt very triumphant when Marillac left, he told himself that he would never get caught like Marillac. Incurring the King's wrath -thought Eustace- had not been the French man's smartest action. He thought he could please the King by prompting on the betrothal of his grandson to the Duke Guise's eldest daughter, but apparently His Majesty finding out that Francis was not backing down from his alliance with the Ottoman and that he was still sending money to the Schmaldik League (whom he had shouted in front of Marillac for the whole Court to hear, were Heretics) had been enough.

Now that he was about to speak to Mary, he wondered if he wasn't being more foolish than Marillac? Marillac had left because he had failed in diplomacy, whereas he was failing in keeping his vows of staying loyal to his master by sleeping with his married cousin.  
"My Lady we know it would have to come one day. And as much as I would want for the pain in my leg to leave, I still cannot for the life of me. The Emperor might need me for more of his diplomacy, and he needs to find someone who can be suitable to take after my tasks to replace me" he said gently, tilting her chin towards his face to meet his eyes again. He kissed her long and hard, erasing all trace of sadness that had afflicted her heart when he told her the news. "It caused distress to you My Lady and to me as well, but Mary you must be strong, come what may it has not happened yet, and it will not for a few more months."

"But I don't want you to leave, if you do then that means your gout, it could get worse during the trip, and surely my cousin will listen to you now and he will send you away from me. You will leave me!" she cried.

He sighed "Mary we can't predict the future. We must live in the present" he said kissing her again and then broke away.

"Don't worry about the future, let me do that it is my job after all." He said earning a small smile from her.

Wasting no time, to her great and unbearable joy, he kissed her on the lips letting his tongue get past hers tasting the sweetness of her mouth.

After their lips had parted, Mary gasped and Eustace said regaining his breathing and still sweating from last night's act of lover -"I swear to you Madame that you will not have to worry about your honor, or the future. Nobody will even know what there was between us"

Soon they kissed again.

_How ignominious_, Mary thought, yet very typical of Chapuys to always comfort her with false promises and giving her a false sense of security.

* * *

The month after she and Eustace Chapuys had become reunited, Elizabeth paid a visit to her sister at Hundsdon.

"I missed you" Elizabeth said with the same passion that Mary used for Eustace. She pulled her sister into a powerful embrace. Elizabeth always brought life back to Hunsdson.

"I missed you as well Bessie" Mary replied. Each sister gave each other a kiss on the cheek.

Elizabeth's smile lighten Mary's spirits. Things were beginning to go her way. Philip gone, Eustace back into her life and Elizabeth's visit, things just seemed so good to be true. She had to pinch herself when no one was looking just to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

Mary and Elizabeth after they parted from their embrace, went to sit on the parlor next to each other on the big sofa.

"How things have been?"

"They have never been better" Mary said shortly realizing her mistake as Elizabeth raised one eyebrow in suspicion. Elizabeth moved closer to her sister, her dark brown -almost black- eyes glancing at Mary.

Mary never said this to anyone, and less of all Elizabeth, but though she loved had loved her sister more than life (that is before her children were born) itself, she had always felt bothered by her sister's eyes. Those dark hooks always reminded her of her mother, the witch Boleyn who had been responsible not only for allowing her father to destroy so many lives, but she literally sent her mother to her own death, and on top of it all she celebrated her death wearing yellow and making her own sister wear yellow as well, claiming that her death would mark the beginning of a new era -a golden world -she had said.

Luckily for her, this never came to pass. The Lord had obviously been displeased at the way her mother had been treated and sought to punish Anne Boleyn by making her father finally open his eyes and see the witch (not virtuous woman as he once claimed) that he married.

"Are you sure?" Elizabeth brought Mary back from her day dreaming. "Are you not worried what could happen to Philip?"

Mary attempted to give her best smile, but it didn't come out right. Like her father, Elizabeth could see right the lie right through her sister's eyes.

"Why don't we switch to talk about you, I hear the Queen is taking great favor in you? You must be very glad now with your new manor" She told her sister, but Elizabeth could detect a hint of jealousy.

"Yes" she answered her "She has and I feel content. She has given me new gowns. I know you don't like her, but you should see how sweet she can be. She took care of your children" after all -she wanted to add glancing deeper into Mary's eyes.

Mary's eyes were instantly diverted after her sister mentioned their stepmother's close relationship with her children. She thought she had been lucky that little Henry had rejected the Queen outright during the Christening, but the woman had her ways after all -like her cousin- to enchant everyone. _Poor little Henry_, she thought, _he has fallen under her spell too._

"You should give her a chance" Elizabeth insisted.

Mary nodded. She was tired of having arguments with everyone, especially with her sister who had great respect for Katherine Howard. _How could she not? After all she bathes her with gifts and mansions._

She turned to see Elizabeth, whose wary glance made Mary feel uncomfortable. If only she hadn't had her mother's eyes -Mary thought.

"I will try" Mary didn't make any promises, but for the sake of her sister and her position -as Eustace had advised her- she would try to reconcile with the Queen, even if deep inside she knew she would always hate her. The fact that she was related to Anne Boleyn and a Howard, was enough to hate her.

Elizabeth instantly smiled. That is all she wanted from her sister. To hear her say she would try. She launched at her sister's swinging her arms around her neck letting her know of her excitement. "I knew you would understand Mary. You will see, she is not as bad as you think."

"Of course whatever you say Bessie" Mary said not fully believing her words.

* * *

For the King this was all a matter of good business. He had been rallying -thanks to the past efforts of his wife calling out men to the fight- more troops as his cry was heard before he left England _"For England, St. George and for your King_" -His fellow English men cheered, including his loyal friend the Duke of Suffolk who stood by his side as his friend made his speech to motivate the troops for the fighting that would lay ahead.

All throughout the Country in England the Queen was helping rallying public support for what would soon become the war to decide the outcome of this War. The Queen with the rest of the Howard clan that remained in England went from town to town shouting "For your King! Fight for your King!" These words held important meaning for those who had lived to have gray hairs. In the past it had been another Katherine who had come from Spain, young and vigorous like their present Queen Katherine she had called her husband's Countrymen to arms to defend the English borders from the Scottish troops.

In the same fashion Katherine was crying out to the people of England -the yeomen who felt they no longer had any business to care for a Crown who had done nothing but leave them abandoned and worse than before.

The nobles rallied to her cry and brought their servants to give allegiance to their Queen, it was symbolic for if England were to be invaded again by Scotland these nobles' servants would be put to fight. Katherine did not fear an invasion from Scotland, she thought that Henry would be back home before talks of an invasion would even arise.

Her husband was strong, though afflicted with ulcer in his leg, he was still the same lion and she knew that her uncle was there with him, so was his best friend and general the Duke of Suffolk -Charles Brandon- plus her son in law and greatest friend Philip, the Duke of Bavaria, was there as well.

Philip had won many battles already. He had been proven successful, unlike what (she was sure) his wife thought, that pesky little thing Mary Tudor, the Duke had proven himself to be a great military leader. Fifteen years ago at only sixteen years he had fended off the Turks from Vienna, now he had fended them and their French allies from the town of Milan.

Philip of Bavaria was gaining a reputation as one of the most successful military leaders in European history. His soldiers not only proved to be loyal and great fighter, they also proved to be great survivors -as he had said was their main trait to the King before he had gone off to battle.

Katherine often wondered why was it that the Duchess was not here to rally up support to the troops. As the eldest daughter from the King and her husband becoming a figurehead in all Europe, she should have ridden with Katherine (as her sister had done) to prepare the people in case of an attack from their neighboring enemies.

Katherine pouted to Jane Rochford, her chief Lady In Waiting who so far she and her cousin and stepdaughter Elizabeth, had been her greatest pillar of support. -"Why is the Duchess of Bavaria not riding here with us?"

Lady Jane shrugged her shoulders covering her mouth discreetly to prevent the Queen from hearing her laughter. However it was too late as Katherine, firmly on top of her saddle looked at her riding companion with annoyance. -"How can you find this funny?" -she asked feeling annoyance at her Chief Lady In Waiting- "The King is out there risking his life so all of us can be safe and you are here mocking me!" she said recalling the speech that Cromwell's exact words to Parliament a week ago.

"Oh Kitty I am not laughing at you. I am laughing with you." Jane -in a calm manner- answered Kitty locking her coal brown eyes with her lighter ones "Why do you even worry so much about the Duchess' absence? I thought that is what you wanted wasn't it? To be as far away from her as possible"

Kitty sighed "Yes but I didn't think I would need her at the time help me in this difficult task. Part of the North of England still claim for her you know, even when most of the yeomen class viewed her as a traitor for marrying the Duke, the nobles still care for her opinion. I need her if I want to gain Yorkshire's approval" She pointed out.

"Most certainly" Replied Lady Rochford "But must you afflict yourself with that? You have your favorite and more grateful stepdaughter with you -the Lady Elizabeth, she is a very sweet and sympathetic child, the moment people see her you will see them being swayed by her smile just as you were"

Katherine smiled. Jane Rochford was right. Elizabeth had not only bee her favorite, she was also the sweeter of the two.

"How long until we reach Yorkshire?" The two spun around to see Elizabeth riding in her white stallion (a New Year gift she had received from Kitty) catching up with them. "Are we getting close? I haven't had one good rest since morning" She said coming in between the two women.

Kitty gave her favorite cousin and stepdaughter her greatest smile. She could relate, she yearned to get to Yorkshire so they could get a decent rest.

"We are almost there Bess, don't worry soon as we get we will be sure to get some food and water before we speak to the public" Kitty mentioned casually.

"Do you think they will like me?" Elizabeth inquired knitting her eyebrows in doubt.

"Of course they will Bess how could they not? Just remember: give them your best smile, people always love smiles" Kitty said with a large giggle almost jumping from her saddle.

Jane and Elizabeth joined in giving their Queen their best smiles.

"Of course Kitty if you say so" When she was with Kitty, Elizabeth felt she could be herself and say whatever she wanted. She was unlike any other Queen, she was not bound by Royal Protocol like her predecessors. When they were in private they were simply Kitty and Elizabeth.  
"I will give my best to make my father proud." Bess added, just the thought of her father beaming with pride, if he heard his daughter had done for him what he and no others had achieved for England, created a lump in her throat. She felt the air being sucked out -everyone had great expectations for her now, she couldn't -wouldn't, she told herself- fail them.

"Sure you will" Kitty assured her stepdaughter later adding "You will take them by surprise Bess" As she got closer to Elizabeth, the Queen poked her nose with her gloved fingers earning a giggle from Elizabeth.

_Maybe coming to Yorkshire wasn't so bad after all_ -thought Elizabeth feeling more relieved after Kitty's words_. -Everyone will, from now on, remember my name after I win the hearts and minds of every English man._

* * *

_"Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but Love cannot cease to will their removal."_

**~C.S. Lewis in the Problem of Pain (1940)

* * *

  
**

"The Queen has summoned you" Eustace announced, bursting into his cottage bedroom, where he found Mary still in bed, sitting up her back propped against her soft pillows. Eustace walked towards her thrusting an opened letter that bared the Royal seal into her hands. Briefly she perused it.

"The Queen also summoned my sons" Mary said after she read the letter.

Eustace nodded feeling uncomfortable at the mention of her sons. He still hadn't gotten over what she'd done to pass off her son as the Duke's.

Mary felt her anger rising, born out of the frustration she felt at the_ Queen_ whom she knew she was only doing this to show the entire Kingdom how much of a good politician and step grandmother she was. After she had refused to go saying she was sick (something not hard to believe given her poor health) Kitty had chosen to take her sister instead, and now she wanted to rub it in Mary's faces how she had done much better without her.

"You should have not broken the seal without me being there when you did." she mentioned crossly.

"And you should not have kept this from me." He stated uncompromisingly.

Mary stared at him with eyes wide open jumping from the bed, taking the sheets to cover her nakedness. "I am the Duchess and this letter was addressed to me!" she flared but Eustace stood his ground.

"Susan gave it to me. She said you have refused to open this letter for the past week. You realize the risk you put us in!" he was shouting by now. His sudden anger excited her, despite the annoyance she felt at the moment with him. This was not their first quarrel (nor the last -she suspected) they'd had. The only compensation that came out of it was that after every discussion, they would find themselves (most of the time), sealing their reconciliation with passionate lovemaking.

"It is my right AND my decision whether or not or when I want to open MY letters Eustace" she reminded him.

"And mine to make sure you don't risk us to exposure. I shouldn't have to remind you this Mary." he sighed sitting in an armchair nearby. He buried his head in both hands. How was their relationship supposed to work when she didn't bother to listen to him?

"For Christ's sake My Lady. If the Queen does not receive an answer from you soon, or fail to show yourself with your children on Court (if the Queen has not sent for them already) we could risk Her Majesty coming to Hunsdson to get you. What if she is not there already?" he added. As usual Eustace was being paranoid, something that Mary should be used by now, yet there were times, like now, that she felt annoyed by it.

"You're as bad as the spies Philip has in my household!" She flung at him "You and I are not supposed to discuss these matters, and even if we should so what if I haven't replied? The Queen may come to Hunsdson and not find me there? So what? My maids always know of my long strolls and a cottage I have bought near Greenwich which makes it easier when I travel there because I have somewhere to stop in case I become too tired" She said in a matter of fact way.

Eustace withdrew his hands from his face, he was having a great migraine discussing this with the Princess again.

Mary for her part looked at the letter and then walked to his fireplace where she threw it. He looked up at her in alarm.

Before he asked her, she walked to him kneeling next to his armchair with a grin and unconcerned look on her face.

"Please trust me. I have it all under control nobody will or has to know about us. You are thought to be too much of a stubborn and hopeless -for the ladies- old man to fall under anyone's spell. They also think of me to be some loyal, virtuous and love sick wife who is patiently waiting for her husband. Nobody is suspecting" She assured him sounding more convinced now.

He for his part wasn't. This was not as simple as it looked -he wanted to tell her.

These were not easy times, there was danger everywhere and you had to watch out your back constantly. You couldn't trust anybody -and yet this was something that despite her good experienced and shrewdness at Court, his Lady had always failed to do, just as she failed to contain her emotions in front of Eustace.

"I am merely trying to warn you My Lady. Try to be reasonable" he said trying his best not to let desperation take over him.

"I am being reasonable!" She cried, her hands clutching his left arm attempting to ease the tension between them.

She wasn't making it easy for him, this was yet another one of her trantrums, one of many he could never controlled, nor wanted -at this point he ha given up trying to control her -like her mother she

"There is nothing we should be worried about Eustace!" she later added seeing him dart his eyes away from her -"Just as I have trusted you I want you to trust me"

He looked to her. "I do, it is the others I do not trust"

"We don't have to live in fear all the time Eustace. The King is not going to come with his guards through the cottage to arrest us. Trust me." she pleaded reaching out further she lifted herself just enough so she could be at his eye level.

"If only it were that easy" he stated. "You want to live in a dream world Mary, the world we live in, that you must live in is not perfect, is full of sin, evil and cruelty. I know, I have seen most of it"

She could not disagree, he was a man who had seen most of Christian Europe, he knew more throughout his experience and in the circles he was in than her, but that didn't mean that she couldn't be allowed to dream.

"You are right it is not perfect, but we can make our own world" she said firmly surprisingly him even more._ What was it about her,_ he thought, _that's kept me under her spell? Is it her eyes? Her smile? No_ -he decided. It was her dreams, her hopes, that pure and innocence that still remained intact despite all that she had been through.

He smiled lightly at her.

"Does this mean that I am out of trouble?" she asked grinning in return.

"If only it were that easy"

"Oh?"

"I request payment in return"

Mary laughed. "What type of payment? I hope dear God you are not asking too much of me!"

"That depends" he said with a light chuckle lifting one eyebrow, his look turning mischievous.

She recognized that look anywhere. They had been very busy quarreling over with each other that only until he noticed the sheets she had been using to cover herself, had fallen on the ground when she knelt next to him and put her hands on his arm.

Eustace leaned forward resting his forehead against hers. She felt his hot breath and he could smell better now the sweet perfume of her hair. After last night he thought the scent of it would vanish, but he was glad that it didn't. He leaned even closer bringing their lips together, kissing her gently.

She didn't let him pull away easily. She let her tongue get the sweet sensation from his own tongue as he pushed it deep into his mouth. Instantly she heard herself moan, unable to stop she responded more to the kiss making it more passionate, and being consumed by the same passion Eustace in return brought his cool palm on her cheek letting it slide all the way to her neckline and then to her breast where she felt herself become invaded by desire.

Finally Eustace opened his eyes and broke away from the kiss, using all of his will power, he also withdrew his hand from her breast before it could lead to another _reconciliation_.

"Too much for you?" she asked feeling amused that he was now the one panting and gasping for breath.

_I am getting too old for this_ -Eustace mentally berating himself for not having better control of his emotions.

As hard as he could remember Eustace was always a man that could control his emotions. Since his mother and uncle had used them against one another, he had learned his _first lesson in life _-never to trust anyone. _The second lesson _-and he'd learned this with bitter tears- was never to let anyone know what you are thinking, to let all emotions -hate, jealousy, envy, happiness and (above all especially) love not let them interfere with your duties to your master. He had been the man he was thanks of his mastery of emotions. Nobody could know what Eustace was thinking. Eustace Chapuys was a man that everyone knew they had to be wary of, because he could be saying or promising one thing while in reality he could be doing all the opposite. That is how he'd managed to survive all these long years in the English Court.

But when he had found himself face to face with (at the time) forgotten Princess of England, he had felt so such a need to hide his emotions from her.  
He had mentally berated himself when he began to think of the Princess as much more than just an ally or a political tool, as a mean to and end -no different than the rest of the people he came across at Court. He had come to see her as something he wanted, and she soon before he knew it he had obsessed over her, and not just her safety -with each of his scape plans becoming ruined by Cromwell's smart network of spies- but for her emotional well-being as well. Year after year he insisted on his master to pay the dowry for, at the time, her marriage prospect _Dom Luis_. And year after year he saw the marriage plans, as his escape ones, fail. The King had feared his daughter more after the uprising of the Pilgrimage of Grace, a movement that began in the Northern parts of England, mainly in Yorkshire and that barely prospered, it had been squashed quickly, but the leader of this uprising -Robert Aske, he remembered- had mentioned her name as part as one of his many petitions that His Majesty would restore his eldest daughter to the line of succession. Such think had thwarted his and his master's plans to wed the Lady Mary to the Portuguese Royal -then of course -he thought that even if the King had not complained about the twenty thousand ducats that the Emperor had paid as part of the Princess' dowry, he doubted the Princess would be even happy in that marriage. As it so happened Dom Luis, rumors were that he was married to some woman of the low nobility and that his bastard was in fact his legitimate heir. Nobody bought this, but if someone were to use the illegitimate boy for their interest, they certainly would use this as evidence.

Getting lost once again in her gray orbs, he wondered if his Lady has been right when she said that she was not meant for happiness -after she had said that she would no longer marry Dom Luis not to incur anymore of her father's wrath or his Master Secretary and Lord of the Privy Seal?

He had said nothing back then. Her happiness was always something that mattered to him as much as his own accomplishments which was tied with her happiness and his duties to his master.

"What are you thinking now?" Mary asked bringing him out from his thoughts.

He shook his head burying the last remnants of the past as he answered her kissing her between her eyes. "Nothing My Lady. Why don't you go back to sleep? I will be sure to wake you for in a few hours when the food is ready"

Mary threw him a look "What is really wrong Eustace?"

"Nothing I was just thinking of the letter that is all. You should really make an even greater effort Mary to reconcile with Her Majesty. Now that she has gained even more support with your sister by her side, it could become harder for you to come into your inheritance"

Mary blinked twice. She knew that. She also knew that in spite of being restored by an act of Parliament to the line of succession that her place in it was still fickle. Just as the weather in her Country was known to be unpredictable so were her father _and _the rest of Parliament.  
Everyone who came to England the first word of caution they got, is that if they wanted to win the King's favor it had to be through his wife first, whoever she may be.

"Your place in the succession is still not set, just as he raised you higher, your father can easily take away everything he has given you" he reminded clutching his black cane in his right hand even harder than before as he felt another wave of pain hit him. He didn't let it show however.

"My children could be left out"

He shook his head, his look holding somewhat of contempt for what he was about to say, "Your children Mary will still be in there. The King wants a male heir to take over England, putting them in the succession is the easiest way possible, but once he dies it is very possible others who know you continue with your Catholic beliefs will find a way, any excuse to exclude you from the succession, of course the easiest way my sweet Lady of doing this would be to simply say that you have chosen under stress and on your own free will to abdicate and pass all your rights and inheritance over your children, starting with your eldest Lord Philip"

"They would not do that!"

"Yes they would Mary, you know stranger things in this Country have happened before" -he said.

Mary was fuming over what he was telling her, but calming herself quickly, she realized that it was all true. Shrewd as she was she knew that her father or any other, including Philip if there was something for him to gain, could easily force her to do this. England -it was a shame- it was no longer the beautiful green and lovely isle she had grown to love. The ringing isle her mother and her ladies, including her own Governess Lady Salisbury had called it. It seemed to her like only yesterday she had been running in one of her father's many castles with her mother and her ladies chasing behind her.

_We all loose the ones we loved_ -her brain told her, and in the end she was forced to accept that she couldn't live in the past any longer. Her mother and everyone from her childhood, except a few who had escaped her father's wrath, were gone and they were never going to come back.

"I better get down. We don't want Fleming coming in here unannounced do we?" he suddenly said changing the subject adding a little humor.

She chuckled lightly, "Promise me you will wake me?" she asked standing up and lifting the fallen silken sheets and bringing them around her body as she walked back to the bed.

"You don't have to worry about that, trust me I will be here by the time the food is ready. Now sleep My Lady" he said clutching his cane as he walked over his bed where she was now lying in with the sheets covering all of her body minus her head. He bend over to give her one kiss on her brow.

"I will be back soon" he said standing next to the door. "I promise" he said lastly walking out of the room and leaving Mary to sleep for a few more hours.

What had she done to deserve someone as loyal and great as him? Mary asked herself closing her eyelids as she thought back to last night when their bodies had become one. She had lost count of how many times they had come together like that since their first time in the woods. As she became engulfed by the memories of their last lovemaking sleep finally came to her and [in her dreams] she found herself in the green fields of the celestial paradise, that her mother always described to her as a small child before she rocked her to sleep.

* * *

The news Philip sent reach the King's ears far sooner than expected. Another successful campaign, Philip was gaining a strong reputation across Europe. Things however were not easily going as they had thought. Though they had won against France in the past, Philip found himself at a crossroads. He was still young, but he was a quick learner. France was not the same England and the Empire had fought before. France had a larger force of support this time, not only its alliance with the Ottoman Empire but also with Cleves and other provinces by their side they were proving to be a greater challenge.

The Schmaldik League for example were preparing for a Counter Reform attack from the Church they separated from decades ago. No matter how much they reclaimed to their former liege, the Emperor, for Autonomy, that stubborn Hapsburg and his whole lot didn't want to give it to them. Philip could feel a storm coming, and it wasn't only the unpredictable weather of where he and his men were camping, but a greater storm one he feared, would change the tide of this war.

Unless they reached an agreement, or that the Emperor would be one (unlike his father in law) with better sense to see that this war was not worth it. Peace would be a better option now. One he hoped either monarchs, the Emperor or his father in law would reach soon because he yearned to come home. He missed Mary, he had become home-sick as the rest of his men who were all away from his families.

Besieging the castle had cost him many men, and though they had not shown any of their enemies any mercy, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty for the people he slaughtered. No, his mind reassured him, it is not slaughter, they would have slaughtered you in return.

That is right, if he would not have taken the castle and failed in his mission, the troops would have killed him and the others. He should feel happy and grateful that God was on their side.

He looked at the wreckage though, standing from the highest tower in the Castle, he looked at all the bodies he had ordered his men to burn just to avoid pestilence. All of this -this was God's favor? He asked becoming more baffled as his eyes made contact with the burnt victims' eyes.

For God, for honor they were fighting for their Country. Yet, now as he heard his men laughing at the huge pile of burnt bodies, he wondered where had humanity lost focus of helping one another?

He found himself speechless as he heard one of his soldiers ask him something.

"Sir?" the soldier kept insisting. Philip turned away from him and went downstairs to his new rooms, where he hoped he could find some peace and tranquility. How he yearned to be back home, away from all this madness men call war.

* * *

**A/N: ****I am aware I changed some dates, but it is AU and I had to do it to best fit this story. ****For all those wondering about why have I made the Italian Wars this second stage that ended in 1546 historically seem more complicated? Well:**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***In reality this war did not turn with the same outcome as the Emperor or his allies would have liked, or as Francis would have liked either.  
Though both wars had been started in the city of Nice today the fifth largest city in France (and by the way named after Nike the Goddess of Victory, interesting little fact there in case you wanted to know), the war became harder for everyone, as Philip mentions in his thoughts -this time France has the Dukedom of Cleves in his favor, he also had as before the Franco Ottoman alliance, the Turks which were the Empire's longtime enemies with their Emperor Suleyman the "great".**

***The battle of Boulogne that yes we saw it mentioned more in the Tudors in 4.08 at the end when Henry declares to Edward Seymour to spread the word for everyone to celebrate this victory -though this battles was decisive for the outcome of the war, what it really did is that in the end France and the Empire were forced to come to an agreement.  
Originally the war SHOULD have ended in 1544 with the Treaty of Crepy, mentioned in 4.08 (though the date is wrong, the treaty was in 1544 not 1545 the year chapuys left) when Charles offered a betrothal to the Duke of Orleans. Henry was left alone after the treaty in September 18 of that year, but he was unwilling (being Henry) to lose Boulogne so he went alone to fight against the Dauphin's armies. It was during the Treaty of Ardres in 1546 that finally the battle ended.**

***As from what you can see Chapuys will most likely leave to oversee the diplomatic relations during this period of war as he historically did, during this time his gout got worse and the Emperor finally agreed to grant Eustace his retirement after -that is- he would come back to England alongside his replacement Francis van Der Defelt and Defelt's secretary Dubois. Even when he returned he still lasted a good deal in England making sure that Defelt I assume would get all the information necessary to prepare him for what would be up ahead.  
I will include during the time Chapuys is away his correspondence with Philip of Asturias who in real life was asking him of a way for him and Mary to meet. On this I have my doubts and it is something I have discussed with Dani (SSLE) since how can he have expected Chapuys to present her to Philip (who seemed to have the intention to visit Calais) so unless Chapuys had super speed or was Superman I don't see how this makes sense.**

***Also during this period in 1546 there was the Battle of Mulgher in which the Empire defeated the Lutheran states though Lutheranism remained strong, this will be included here since it was a significant time as the Counter Reform initiated during this same year and lasted until 1560s where at least four states, including Bavaria had returned to Catholicism, in this case Bavarian will not return to Catholicism.  
**

***Last I will be reading more on Lundell's the Mask of Dissimulation and the Humanist Ambassador plus on the Italian Wars since they are playing an important part in this story and for the final outcome of chary and POB , Elizabeth and especially for Kitty.**

**Also what Chapuys said to Marillac, I modified that scene from the show but I could not help but put that bit of the Swans, the swans! And what Chapuys says to him about war and his thoughts on it comes from Richard Nixon****_ "__Any nation that decides the only way to achieve peace is through peaceful means is a nation that will soon be a piece of another nation."_**

**That is all for now, so please now be sure to **

**REVIEW!**

**~Carolina  
**


	36. Rivals

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything just the plot and the OCs.**

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this fic!**

**Here in Canada today I am going to see the Falls and go into horror houses, that is right, I know I will be scared but is a risk I will take! ^_^ Horror and adrenaline addict, also the river boat ride into the falls, after that take more pics of the falls and visit other places, we have been driving four days now all the US East coast and have been stopping here and there to admire the view and historical places. So before I return home I leave you with this chaper.**

**Courtlylady has made this awesome trailer for Angel of Wales on youtube, just search Angel of Wales Trailer, is awesome. Thanks again CL.**

**Sorry for the short chapter, I promise it will be longer next chapters, also the song I recommend you hear for this What I have done by Linkin Park.  
No Fact vs Fiction since not much of the war will be seen but this chapter was necessary to see what our characters will be up against next chapters.  
Be sure to review, the faster I update!  
**

**kk,**

**~Carolina**

* * *

_"This type of thinking could do us in -thinking history is all about who is right and who is wrong and thinking that we can use that to justify our theories.  
Three thousand years later we will never change, when will we understand real history is not about facts, it is about subjectivity how we interpret fact or fill in the gaps according to our opinions. As Einstein said time is relative, therefore history is according to the ones who are in charge of writing it. Call me harsh but it is the truth"_

**~Me**

* * *

**1544, February 14th**

**Westminstery Abbey**

Mary visited Westminster Abbey last week to ask forgiveness for her sins. It was ridiculous and yet ironic, she considered, to be doing this at a late time when there was no remedy to be found, from the problem she and Eustace had created.

Kneeling in front of the stained glass that depicted the Virgin Mary and Joseph and in the middle stood their son, their Lord Jesus Christ, she let herself throw herself on the Abbey's holy floor and desperately, she prayed that she could turn back the clock and prevent for this mistake -this grave sin from happening.

* * *

**Greenwich**

Eustace, a week later, was reading Mary of Hungary's latest letter. She was giving especific instructions to her closest relative's representative in England to exert influence over the Duchess of Bavaria -her cousin- regarding the marriage proposal of her oldest son, Lord Philip and and his much older cousin.

To be sincere, for Eustace Chapuys there came times when he really hated his job, such as now. There was something amiss in the way his Lady was behaving. She had been avoiding his gaze now for the past three weeks, and he honestly did not know if this was due to the fact that she didn't want to talk anymore about the Queen's close relationship with her children, or the subject of marriage that her cousins were proposing for her eldest son and heir of his father's lands.

The Queen lately had been fairly close to the Prince of Wales, Edward Tudor, and not only that. Every time Mary would show her face in Court, the Queen did not waste any time to bring forth her children, the Lords Philip and Henry and show them off as her favorites (more than Edward) for everyone present in the Court to see, but especially the Princess.

If there was a God, he certainly was not present when the displays of affection would ocurr in the English Court with the Queen and the Duchess of Bavaria present. Each were not only competing for the Kingdoms's affection anymore, they were now competing for his Lady's sons as well.

It was ridiculous, considered Eustace. On one hand he had his Lady whoring in private with him, and on the other he had a silly little Queen he had to deal, who was becoming increasingly popular in the Kingdom since she had successfully rallied up support for the King in a region no one thought would be possible (save for the Duchess' presence). The Queen proved that she was quite capable of ruling without the help of her husband, and that in the short time he had been absent she had matured from a insolent, indifferent and petulant girl, to a woman who could very well take the reins of her own life. This new maturity often reminded (those who had known her) of the infamous Anne Boleyn -the woman who -even in death- continued to be the scandal of Christendom.

She had sired from evil itself and out of witchcraft a child whom he was so sure she was the spawn of the Devil, and yet also the King's. For all the rumors that went around to stain the Lady Elizabeth's deceased mother, there wasno doubt in his mind that she was indeed the child of His Majesty Henry VIII. Flaming red hair and pale, ivory skin, there was no mistake she was a Tudor through and through -more so -he was ashamed to admit with a little guilt as he saw that child dance with her cousin, the Earl of Surrey,than his Lady, the true Princess of England who should be (in his opinion) the one bearing all the favor of her father's Court.

"This was where I was born" Mary told Susan as they stood in one of the corners of the Court romm, staring up at the Lady Elizabeth dance her way with all of her partners. For someone so young, Mary observed, she certainly has everyone's attention. Not only her cousin's but also (much to Mary's dismay) Thomas Seymour, and the rest of the young male Courtiers who could not help but be anxious at the prospect of being chosen by the most favored Lady -after Her Majesty- in the English Court.

Whenever he saw the whore's daughter, he thought about Jezebel and every evil woman ever mentioned in the Holy Scriptures, for something like her created out of cheat, and evil could not be considered itself pure or divine as her sister, his Lady saw it. In fact he was growing tired that Mary always defended her sister, by the way she spoke of the concubine's child it was like she was the Messiah or someting close to it -Eustace thought with disgust as all the men were flocking to her like wild hawks.

This truly was a Court of sin and the devil.

He smirked and mentally snorted with laughter, he could hear the voices of his conscience and his subconscience laugh and in uproar as he thought of this.

_'Sin, Eustace? Aren't you the one that coveted her flesh and body for your own purposes and desires?'_ It said. Silence -he bellowed however the voices did not stop, and when he finally locked glances with Mary who was across the room the laughter only increased.

_'Hypocrit! -_they said-_ You took the Princess, you made her no better than the whore and concubine you cursed!'_

_Shut up! Leave me alone!_

When the voices finally stopped, unaware of what had gone in his mind, Mary told Susan to wait for her and Susan against her own logic was forced to comply for she did not want to cause a scene here in the middle of the Court. God knows her Mistress was already in much heat because of her disfavor with the Queen and refusing to attend her sons' households whenever **she** was there.

"Excellency" Mary said grinning widely as Eustace bowed his head for his favorite Lady.

After they were done with the formalities Mary beckoned Eustace to sit next to her in one of the spare chairs. Eustace thanked her, his leg really -he felt- needed a rest.

It wasn't bothering him much these days. He hated to admit as his eyes diverted to the high table where the Queen was, that His Majesty was in fact right. Sex was the best medicine for any ailment.

Indeed, Katherine Howard thought as well as her gaze landed on Thomas Culppeper, a man who was not only her trusted confidant, but also much more -she had made certain of that.

His gaze quickly returned to his Lady and beloved sweet Princess, whom he knew was easily turned jealous when he glanced at other women. **Not** that he did with _as much _frequency as other men who grew tired (especially those whose marriaged were arranged) of their wives easily. His heart and soul belonged solely to one woman, and that was the prima dona seating next to him looking at him through her piercing dark blue orbs.

"You have not talked to me in the past weeks milady. May I inquire as your humble servant to the nature of your problem?" he asked adding humor to his voice as he watched a smile come out from his Lady's face.

She was not exactly Princess charming and she didn't want to be. Why be something that she was not? She was not one to cry after her husband when he went to battle, or long for him for that matter. In fact the moment Philip had gone off into battle, she felt nothing. Not an ounce of sadness, or despair when it was mentioned at Court all the men who had fallen prisoners or died in the war. It was Philip's decision to go -she told everyone -and he was a capable leader who had military experience in dealing with the Turks, there was no cause -she argued- to worry. But she had every reason to worry, but not for the reasons the others thought. She pondered, even found herself yearning at the prospect of Philip dying. When she would dream of it at night, it did not come in the form of nightmares but as a wish come true.

She had frowned though the week after her last night with Eustace. She had dreamt of Philip dying in battle, his bloodied coat being brought up to her, in the same fashion her mother had done so with her father when she won the battle against the Scots in Flodden Field. The only difference was that in contrast to her mother and her other dreams, this one turned out to be darker. When Mary woke up she had found herself with morning sickness. She knew exactly what this meant, having borne two children and the godmother of half of the Courtier's children, it was a sign of the Lord's displeasure against their sinful ways.

She had not spoken to Eustace because she did not want to trouble him. His gout had not been bothering him as much, and it was evident the signs of recovery. He walked better and faster and he did not clutch his black cane as much. He also didn't look as haggard as when he began to use the cane.

"Yes you may" Mary answered her best man and true love with a widest grin yet as in a bold gesture, not caring if her enemies took notice or not, she reached for his arm and touched it affectionately. As soon as she did though, her face turned stern as she reflected on what she was about to tell him.

This was not something he would take lightly -she thought. The implications of what this would mean to them and their relationship, and to her if this ever got out, it would ruin them and all their efforts after she had successfully been restored to the line of succession completey!

She grimaced for a minute and then with a weak smile returning to her pale features, she decided to tell him in the lowest voice possible. "I am with child"

* * *

His mouth had hanged agape for only a short period of time, seconds, before he regained his usual devoid of any emotion. "What makes you so sure?" He aske, his expression troubled.

Mary's weak smile had not faded. She had learned from the best how to keep up appearances in a Court so dangerous as this one. Every smile, every other facial expression even a thought spoke aloud could be misinterpreted and used to the benefit of one's enemies, Mary had since learned this when she had been subject to the whore's humiliations at Hatfield.

"I have not had my-" she quickly looked around to make sure no one was looking, then turned back to Eustace lowering her voice to a whisper "courses in two weeks and I was due exactly that time. I have delivered two children, I know if this would be a simple ailment"

Eustace desperately wanted to bang his head against a wall and knock some good sense in it that he felt he had been lacking for the past fifteen years that he had spent (minus the year he had been sent on Charles' orders to Antwerp) in this dreaded Island.

He had been dreaming too big when he thought that his Lady could be the greatest Lady, if not Queen of all Christendom. A Queen who would return this Country back to the Old Ways as it was meant to be, but alas he could not go against the sands of time. What was done was done -his Master's best hopes were deposited in the children she had given His Majesty, two grandsons one of whom enjoyed the greatest health, and was his (Eustace's) shame.

_Evil _-he thought as he glanced at her un-swollen stomach- _comes in small packages._

"Philip does not come back in at least three more months if not more" Mary stated making Eustace more nervous.

"Then we have to find more suitable methods to avoid suspicion." he said. "Who else knows besides yourself and the Lady Susan?"

"No one if that is what you are meaning" she said becoming troubled after his first sentence.  
"What do you mean by suitable methods?" She then asked.

His expression was kept neutral. "The only way Your Grace" he said carefully, "that gossip could be avoided is if there was no reason for gossip to exist"

Mary did not like the wickedness he was implying she do, and it was confirmed when that dangerous glint of mischief appeared in his yes.  
"No I will not" she hissed her expression turning to disgust and outrage. "How can you be implying that?"

"Furthermore" he added seeing her expression change and her lips beginning to move. "if you are not yet in a good standing with Her Majesty or fail to attend her summons or visit your children, people will begin to talk."

He had a point there. People would talk and news in England traveled fast. People loved to think the worst of everyone, and Mary was gaining more enemies at Court. The old fashioned motto that her Governess used to tell Mary and that she would follow to boot -you kill more flies with honey than with vinegar. She was no longer finding this motto very useful when the whore was taking her sons further away from her. She was their mother, she had argued many times with Eustace and with Philip, it should be her job to rear them as good Christians that they were meant to be.  
It had become a lost cause to argue against her Their Majesty's decisions. Her father wanted male heirs at all costs, and this was the sole reason why she had been restored to the line of sucession in the first place. To legitimize his grandsons' claims. Rumors were His Majesty was beginning to doubt on his capacity to sire a son, he had confessed to Cromwell -Eustace had been there when he said it just before he decided to favor the Emperor in his war against France and the Turks over squabble of territories.  
His Majesty said that now more than ever he was considering on a suitable match for his grandsons, and mayhap one for his son. It was the first sign of confirmation that Eustace had witnessed with his own eyes and ears, that His Majesty did not believe that his only son and heir would make it past his teens. He needed to preserve the Tudor name, and therefore the sons of his eldest daughter by an act of Parliament had been his succesors.

Some said that he'd wanted to go further. Something that Eustace did not find hard to believe, after all England had seen weirder things happen in the past on the lines of sucession, the first that came to his mind was the bastard son of Normandy who had become not only Duke Roger's succesor but also England's King, William. Stephen was another example, like Richard III he was called the usurper for having been considered the unlawful claimant to the throne. When his son who bore his name (Eustace) had died of illness, he decided to adopt and recognize his nephew as his sole heir, and his wishes were carried out. After King Stephen died, the Duke of Normandy and co ruler of Aquitaine finally became King of England, Henry II.

It was only because of Cromwell and others who were still waiting for the outcome of this war, that His Majesty did not adopt his favorite grandson, whom it was no secret he adored that child best (even more -it was whispered by the Queen herself in his absence- than his own son and heir apparent), Lord Henry Tudor-Wittelsbach.

Eustace had sighed in relief for two important reasons: If His Majesty had managed to adopt his youngest grandson as his heir, that would mean that the Duchess and the Lady Elizabeth would not be granted their place in the sucession as Parliament had ruled. Many people would be in outrage, it was a very unpopular move when the King had suggested it and Eustace had been very alarmed by it. Thank God, he prayed every night, it was not so.

Just the thought of a bastard on the line of sucession -was enough to bring Eustace back to reality as he heard his Lady speak with pure discontent in her voice -"I will not loose it"

"Consider this then-" his voice switched to a firmer tone "-you have not been fully reconciled with the Queen as I have advised you. New Year and Christimas presents milady are not enough, you need to prove yourself worthy to win her affection, otherwise she and _others_ will look for more effective ways to cut you from your sons' lives permanently"

Mary pressed her lips tightly forming one thin line and went to consider Eustace's words. She wasn't exactly one to follow his orders. Who was he to tell her what was better for her child? A child he had also helped conceived. She did not need to remind him, that if she fell he also fell with her.  
Could she really do that? She asked herself, make him fall and watch him as he suffered because she decided to point fingers at him? Of course she could not, but the threat she decided she would use for now, since it was the best card she could use. Blackmail or not, she was not going to let this child suffer because of his or her parents' sins.

Eustace wanted to bury his head in his hands as he heard his Lady speak. How could she be so naive? He asked himself. Did she not know what was at stake here? An alliance, and her reputation for God's sake!

"I have made up m mind" Mary said in the same firm tone as him "And you will help me keep this secret, let us not forget this was an act of two _Excellency"_

"Then it seems my advice is less needed" He stated, knowing that nothing he could say would make any difference. He knew too, in his bones that Mary was making a bad decision for all the wrong reasons, and feared that no good was going to come out of it. If this would be discovered she would be dragged down the mud and be more humiliated than her mother or the whore ever were. Thinking back to the whore, Eustace wondered if this was some ironic punishment from her evil spirit that had come back to hell to make him and Mary fall into temptation? Or was this some twisted humor from their Lord who was punishing them after all the sacraments they had broken -that he had made her broken?

Mary could almost see by the way he opened his lips and then quickly closed them, pressing them together and his eyebrows arching, what Eustace was thinking about.  
"First, I will always heed your advice" He cocked his head raising one eyebrow. Mary quickly added -"if it is what suits my interests"

At this Eustace smiled. He was still worried, Mary knew, and it bothered her that he still held that dangerous glint in his eye.

"Will you help me?" She asked once more, her tone calmer this time.

"For your sake Madame I will for your happiness is as I have said before, all I care for most in this earthly realm"

"That is all I needed to hear from you ... Eustace"

* * *

_"Sibling rivalry is something very delicate. Our parents always tell us they love us all for equal, but as you grow you begin to notice, that each parent or both begin to take different interest for each child, and in the end this leads to competition which if not controlled, leads to a deathly rivalry. It explains why are our society is based on competition. We are taught and reared in it since we are in our diapers"_

**~Siblings equal Society**

* * *

**Hever**

Kitty was thrilled. She was to see her favorite and only godsons, her two little stepgrandchildren who had grown a lot since their mother had last seen them.

Philip and Henry bowed their heads in deep respect, as they were instructed by their tutors and respective Governess to their Queen.

The nursery was very extremely big, it had been the size of one big chamber fitting for Princes. It was no more than what the grandsons and heirs of England and Bavaria deserved, she thought.

Katherine hated all this display of Royal Protocol, she considered it unnecessary. After she had dismissed everyone from the nursery, she and the children began to play with their favorite toys. It had been hard to win the youngest -Henry.

She reminded him a lot of that old mare mother of his, the Duchess of Bavaria, her sour stepdaughter who still did not show her -Katherine considered- enough respect. But like all of her subjects, she had won him over and she discovered it did not take a lot of effort. Kitty had convinced Henry to bestow titles on their favorite godson by making him the Lord of Richmond and Pembroke. It had placed him higher than his older brother, and it had made his father, the Duke, very proud.

It had also made Henry and Kitty very proud. She did not dare to tell this to anyone, but she seriously considered that the King was past the age of conceiving, his leg reeched of horrible odors and he was no longer the lion in bed he was known for in his younger years.

The fact of the matter was, Henry was getting old.

Philip's blocks easily crumbled and this woke her from her day dreaming hearing the child cry as he saw his favorite castle smashed by his younger brother, who barely two years old, and he was already causing havoc to his family.

"There, there" Kitty said bringing the older child into her arms, rocking him and whispering soft praises for his castle and making up for the loss that his brother had caused.

Kitty kept rocking Philip in her arms, it was very difficult for everyone including her, to calm the child. Out of the three Tudor children, he was the one who was more co dependant on his female elders, seeking attention from them whenever he could. Henry was different.  
He only sought attention when he thought it was convenient, Kitty noticed. His tutors praised him saying that from the two he was the more hyper active and also the more subtle, he never missed a thing that boy. Kitty had had less trouble when it came to Henry than with little Philip, but either way she loved both boys the same, only she tended to see more potential in Henry whom she now saw with a reproaching look as the boy cowered at her angry looks.

After Philip had stopped crying and she set him next to her on the sofa where she had been sitting all this time while she watched Henry and Philip play with their wooden blocks.

Eyeing Henry again, Kitty cleared her throat. "What do you have to say?" Kitty asked tapping her fingers on the soft cushion of the sofa as she waited for the boy's response.

There was a defiant glint in the boy's eyes that reminded Kitty of her husband. _By all means, this should have been _-she thought- _the boy to be Henry's son._

Was her step-grandson ambitious enough, she wondered, to fill in his grandfather's shoes if given the chance to take over his Kingdom, like he had done so with his older brother's castle?

Not even two yet and Henry proved himself better than his brother. He lifted himself up and walked slowly and calmly without any hessitation to his brother, and in a mock bow he said in an innocent voice as Kitty took him too by her arms and placed him in between her and his brother: "I deeply _am sorry_. I only wanted to help"

Kitty was easily convinced by this, but not her oldest godson who did not miss the dangerous and calculating icy glare in his brother's eyes. He did not dare to tell anyone, but he was for some reason he could still not fathom, mollified of being placed next Henry. It used to be that both boys had separated households, but since his younger brother had been created Lord of Richmond and Pembroke, Philip had been relegated to play the part of the lesser brother. It was like Henry's popularity had risen all of a sudden and despite their tender ages, Philip was aware of his surroundings, and it scared him that his brother was beginning to consider him a rival.


	37. Royal Intrigue

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**Disclaimer****: I don't own everything, certainly not the Tudors, showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed!**

**Here is the second update before I return to classes. I will update next week if not then rest assured I will not leave you waiting, an update will happen that is for sure before September when get to the great climax

* * *

**

"_I think you got the best of me_

_You are sleeping with the enemy_

_You left me all alone _

_Alone, alone, alone …_

_The beats drops _

_I'm so low_

_My heart stops, I already know_

_You left me all alone_

_Alone, alone, alone …_

_I am sick and tired of the mess you made me_

_You are never going to catch me cry_

_You must be blind if you can't see_

_You'll miss me until the day you die_

_You are not right!  
You are not fair!_

_You must be blind if you can't see  
You'll miss me until the day you die_

_I've let go, finally over you_

_This drama, that you put me through_

_I'm better all alone_

_Alone, alone, alone …_

_The beat drops you are so low_

_It's last call, and its getting old_

_Now look who is all alone_

_Alone, alone, alone_

_I am sick and tired of the mess you made me_

_You are never going to catch me cry_

_You must be blind if you can't see_

_You'll miss me until the day you die_

_You are not right!_

_You are not fair!_

_You must be blind if you can't see_

_You'll miss me until the day you die_

_I trusted you_

_You were the first_

_Then you lied, and it gets worst_

_You broke me down_

_Now just look around_

_Who's all alone?_

_Who's all alone now?_

_I am sick and tired of the mess you made me_

_You are never going to catch me cry_

_You must be blind if you can't see_

_You'll miss me until the day you die._

_You must be blind if you can't see_

_You'll miss me until the day you die_

_You are not right!  
You are not fair!_

**Kesha -"Blind"**_

* * *

  
_

**Hunsdson**

Mary opened her eyes. Next to her was the warm body of Eustace Chapuys. It was late March, she could feel and smell the sweet aroma of spring by hearing the birds sing, and then the scent of the roses that came from her gardens, through her open window.

She looked at Eustace. He was sleeping soundly against the humming of the birds outside the cottage. I liked to call his home ours now. News had arrived a week ago that Philip had been severely injured, and that his life was hanging from a string, it was all in God's hands –Cranmer said.

Surprisingly Mary did not fret when he spoke about the option of giving the child away once it was born. He did not want to refer to it as a he or a she. It was best, he considered in his mind, if he avoided all thoughts pertaining to his lady's child. That was how he thought he would prevent himself from getting hurt, unlike the last time where he did not only fail to avoid attachment, but rather welcomed it when he took one step forward in his true son's baptizing, and took one good look that had been engraved into his mind, at the child that the Queen had in her arms.

It had been the more painful thing he had done in his life. To look at the child's eyes, his lady's eyes but the shape were as his, and the son that was his own flesh and blood when he looked in his direction, unlike the Princess' firstborn, he regarded him coldly and had an indifferent look when he met his father.

Out of all her children, it was Henry who became the more receptive to his father's affection, the Duke Philip.

Thinking about his offspring being raised amongst the foulest of this Country, made his blood boil.

He didn't know what was right or wrong anymore, and a pang of guilt invaded him making him feel hot, even if the weather at this time was not yet warm, that his conscience was constantly serving as a reminder of the other one he had slept with during his separation from his lady.

A man scorned he was not afraid of, a woman scorned especially one who meant so much to him, he had every reason to fear her wrath, or worse that she would become very disappointed with him and the image she had of him would break.

Maybe, his mind said that part of him that still held reason, that she discovers it now than later, that way you wouldn't have to worry about any fantasies she has of you.

He didn't like fantasies, all waste of time that she kept up making these delusions about him, thinking that he was some brave knight who was ready to break her chains from the evil dragon who was keeping her in the tower –what kind of man –a man, his conscience cried out to him, who claimed to loved her more than life itself- made her believe that he was noble and honest?

But then he answered back to his nagging conscience that it was not his fault. She had many times to see the truth. When Cromwell told her about the missing dowry that her _loyal cousin_ –his master- failed to pay, that should have been warning enough that his motives for protecting her were not all selfless. In fact, nothing Eustace ever did was selfless, since the moment he got to England all he did was for his self advancement and to further his master's plans of enslaving the Princess to his side, Spain's side. That was the whole purpose of befriending her, the only reason why he began to speak of her in the first place.

_Is that all?_

_If you were really working for your own interests then why did you refuse to give up your stubborn fight for her, when the Emperor and the Regent told you that they no longer had any interest in fighting for her cause?_

Stop it! He bellowed to it. He wasn't keen on listening to his conscience this time, it was only a nuisance. Since his father had died he learned all it did was to make men abandon their reason and their good judgment. It made him more prone to acting rashly, solely on instinct rather than good logic.

Never, he had bowed when his father died, will I listen to it. Out of the misery he had suffered under the custody battle that was led because of him, in the courts against his mother, the only good advice his father's brothers gave him was never to listen to your instincts, bury them and destroy any feeling that get in the way of progress. It is better to feel nothing, then to have to lose everything you love –and feel regret.

For the longest period in his life, these words made no sense, but as he felt her stir, her head moving slightly away from his neck and to his shoulder, he realized they mode more sense now. He had risked his wealth, his position and his standing at the English Court for this woman, one who was away from his league and who would never come closer than to being his lover.

He had reduced her to this –she had become a whore. Because of him, his mind shouted. I made her this. He looked at her face covered by her dark auburn locks.

God, he thought, he did not deserve someone as beautiful and innocent as her.

Everything about her, made his soul rouse the fire that had been hidden since his father died, that fire that made him feel alive, that made him feel like his life was worth something again.

Mary had roused in him the feelings of love, hatred, passion, lust and everything that stood in between. He never thought he would find himself in the same bedchamber as the Princess, but aye life had a way of twisting things around.

His mother would always that life and God were all the same, that no matter how much you tried to escape from the Lord's will destiny will always come back to reclaim you. As far as he could remember he never believed in destiny, many heretics did but not him, for him it was just another excuse to justify people's action or feeling with the old saying 'it was meant to be'. There was no such thing as destiny as far as he knew, around the world he never saw or felt anything that made him believe in the slightest that this notion was true.

Fate, destiny they were false notions of the future. God gave men a choice the moment he put Jesus on this Earth to sacrifice himself for us, to redeem man kind of all their past and future sins. Yet mankind was evil, no matter how much men were forgiven by the Lord's sacrifice, they still needed to do penance for their future sins, because a sin not only affected you, it also affected those around you.

Mary, his Princess as he had gotten used to think about her, and no longer reject the notion that he was deeply, if not madly obsessed with this woman. She was different from other women. She did not want to conform herself like her favorite stepmother, Jane Seymour, with the life of a housewife, she yearned to see and feel more than just feel needed. She wanted to see others lusting after her, she was no different there than other women bored with their marriages, often to take care of their boredom they sought excitement by sleeping with other men and engaging in carnal relations.

He wondered now, if it was not hypocrite of him to call his Lady's sister's mother a concubine, a harlot when he had made of Mary a harlot herself?

No, he argued. She was different.

Mary was not a whore like Anne Boleyn or her other family members. She was a woman who had dignity, who had self respect for herself and especially for others, even if he still considered that many of the people she respected, did not deserve it –especially her sister whom he still considered something evil for she was born out of something evil, the union between her mother, a temptress, and her father a man Chapuys would rather not think about for his mind rang insults every time the name of Henry came up.

He brought his fingers to her auburn hair, playing with her curls and removing the strands that were covering her beautiful face.

Eustace did not care anymore if the King were to come and discover them, let them. Let the world see what kind of man the poor, old and crippled Ambassador, he was. Let the world laugh at Philip, and above let them call them sinners, for what was sin really in the end?

* * *

"_**Love**__: A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by the removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like __caries__ and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient."_

**~Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

* * *

**

Trying to admit to herself that this was the best decision, Mary began to open her eyes slowly. She wanted to hear everything he had to whisper, all the sweet words of comfort. The sweetness of his voice, something that was so rare to hear in him, she wanted to taste his lips, to listen to all the words that praised her, her body. Words she would never hear if she was wide awake or if he knew.

As Mary had predicted –she opened her eyes and his words ceased. The longing in his eyes disappeared, and though she knew in the past she had been hurt by this, she no longer felt any pang of it in her heart, for she knew that it was in his nature to act cold and distant. It was the way, she supposed, he had been raised. Or maybe, she often theorized, it was just the way he felt he had to be. His post required a man who knew how to dissimulate, a man who could mingle in a Court full of masks, as he said.

"Good morrow" she said.

"Good morrow" he said back.

His fingers had stopped playing with her hair and traveled to her lower lip.

"How are we feeling today?" She asked hopeful that she could get a better answer than last time.

Eustace forced a light smile on his lips that seemed more like a grin to her, but this was as far as she would get, nevertheless she felt happy by it.

"I am feeling fine" he said shortly. His eyes traveled to her stomach where he brought his other hand to.

Seeing the concern on his eyes, Mary sighed, shaking her head vigorously. A tear escaped from her eye. She did not feel his fingers clean it; he was too focused on the second product of their affair resting within her womb.

"It is sleeping." She said confirming his fears.

For the last two months he had hoped that the child would die, that it would not survive the pregnancy, he had even prayed to God for it. He wanted to avoid himself the burden of having to argue with Mary anymore on the danger of carrying his offspring. When she had carried Henry, he'd pointed out, it was very different, because her husband had been around for her to cuckold him and make him believe the child was his. They were lucky that the child had inherited her eye color. But there was much of him as the boy, and it was becoming more visible now that the child was almost two. He had grown more nervous when he last seen him.

Not one month ago, he had seen both the child and his Lady interact. The child was anything but what he expected from a spoiled child. Being the favorite of the King and Queen he was expecting no less. But the favorite Lord was nothing but a cold, calculated and evidently a good masker, it was like looking into a mirror. There was barely any childlike behavior in him, except when his mother would present him with new toys.

The child though, unlike him, was very vain. He always wanted the best furs, the best clothing and the more attention than his elder and sickly, pale brother Philip.

He remembered vividly as if it had been yesterday, how he had gone into a huge fit after his mother gave him to her favorite maid and midwife, Elsa de Goya, so they could talk alone in her husband's study.

The elder woman had tried calming the child down, but it just kept wailing until his mother had to come to her rescue and take the child from the midwife's arms. All at once the child's cries ceased taking comfort in his mother's arms.

Eustace's attention was brought back to their unborn child.

What life would await that child? Being born to parents who would be seen as adulterous, and avoided like the plague, the child would be seen as the product of sin, and avoided like the plague.

Did she think of this often, when she argued how much she loved her own flesh and blood?

If she really loved this child, she would spare it all the life of misery that lay ahead for it.

Mary was thinking the same thing about how she could avoid a life of misery for her child. But she couldn't bare the thought of giving her own child up and letting him or her, being raised by strangers? She had not been long enough around Henry or Philip, and now that she felt his hand resting on its womb, she realized her mistake with them. She had abandoned them. She could have visited Hever by now, requested them to be brought back to Hunsdson.

If she had only listened to Chapuys' advice, she would never have been acted brashly or coldly against her father's young wife. If she had only reconciled, she would have been granted access to their son's upbringing. She would not have to be a stranger in their lives. Henry barely recognized her, the only reason why he would hug her and call her mama was because of all the presents he brought him every time she visited him, or when it was allowed that he be brought to her state.

And then there was Philip.

He was definitely his father's son, and he had been too much under Kitty's influence. She had tried to reach her eldest son, but he would never return her love. At first she thought him incapable of doing so, but later when she would hear Kitty speaking of him fondly, she realized that the whore had not only stolen her father, she had also stolen the affection from her children.

She could not bear it if she lost another child.

"Mary" his smile disappeared and looked at her his voice becoming deathly serious. "If this secret is discovered, I do not need to repeat the consequences of your actions." He warned.

Mary bit her lower lip that he had earlier caressed.

"I know, but what happens when you feel too attached that you cannot bear the thought of abandoning your own child? Have you thought what he or she might look like Eustace? Haven't you had dreamless nights just thinking about it?"

Mary's face grew solemn as she said this.

"This has nothing to do with that" He mentioned. "You are prolonging the child's suffering the more you allow this to continue"

"And what would you have me do?" She asked feeling more enraged as he brought the subject of terminating her pregnancy again. "You would have my soul burned in hell for the death of one innocent child. Do you not feel anything?"

"Madame be reasonable, and think what world you are bringing this child into? A child born out of sin, you are going to let it suffer for its parents' mistake, for my sins? Would you risk loosing your own children, and everything you have thus far for protecting this child?"

"How can you speak such words? Don't you care for your own child –or perhaps you don't feel anything anymore. Tell me what was it, was it the death of your father or your mother that made you such an uncaring, cold and –" –She wanted to continue but she broke off when she heard, suddenly the sound of his voice, screaming at her. She had not been aware that he had hit a nerve with her last sentence.

"Don't pretend you know anything about me milady! You do not know what I have been through, and all your pain and suffering is nothing compared to what I have witnessed, you professed you know about human evil, but you do not know anything. You have been cloistered like a nun in this Court to see the real world –"

"How dare you?" But Eustace did not seem to acknowledge her protest and continued.

"I have seen the world, I have seen the true nature of man kind, none of us are good or evil Mary. Not even I am and it is time that you stop loosing yourself in the fantastic image you have made me out to be! I am not as cold and uncaring as you think I am."

"Then why do you speak of such things? How can you suggest these things to me, this is your child that I am carrying. We could find a way –"

"No we cannot" his voice had lowered. "The more we try to hush this up, the more we are creating suspicion. Lying here in Hunsdson, someone sooner or later is bound to come and visit, if not the Queen's retinue, then your sister, or perhaps they will send for Doctor Butts or de la Sa to check you and see if you really are sick. Think how this would look? Think of how the Queen is just looking for an excuse as the rest of your enemies to get rid of you"

She turned away from him. She didn't want to be scolded, least of all by him.

She got up from bed and began dressing up almost as quickly as he asked her what her next step was.

Once fully dressed she addressed him. In that emerald dress, he thought she looked like Goddess Aphrodite. –"Do you really want to know?" She asked her tone indifferent.

"Of course I do! Can't you see I care for you deeply?" He cried.

"Do you really?" she challenged coming to stand next to lying form in the bed they had shared together so many times before, since Philip's absence. "Then let me decide over the child's fate. If he or she dies then it is God's will, but if it still breathes inside me, then it is God's will that he or she lives"

Eustace could barely contain his anger, and he hid his hands under the sheets so she would not see the fists that had been formed.  
But Eustace had been right. The child did pose a danger

"Won't you let me? It is that or nothing Excellency" She wasn't giving him much of an option, and if he said no to her then she would ask him to leave and she would deal with this matter all on her own. He couldn't let her do that (alone) and risk everything she had, even if she thought she had a _good_ reason to.

Mary looked deeply at him as she waited for his answer, her dark blue eyes bearing into his lighter blue.

"You have given me little choice" said Eustace.

"It is what I intend to do" she repeated. Her conviction stronger as he sat up, and his back propped up against the uncomfortable wood and then moved quickly, his hand reaching out to hers and taking it quickly in his.

"I will follow you, because I can't bear you to do this alone milady" He said his voice turning softer. "But we have to be very careful wit this. The Queen could send for her physician or yours at any time. If we can find another excuse to keep her from guessing what is really happening, then we could keep this up"

"You are with me then?"

"Isn't that what I have always done? Be with you. I was not lying when I said after the engagement with Dom Luis was broken, that your happiness was all I cared for. It still is"

"Nothing makes me happier than to hear you say those words" Mary said, heartily.

"Indeed so you are ready for the consequences? We must consider all scenarios." He said knowingly.

Her face grew solemn. She didn't want to face the consequences of their acts, but he was right, it was a possibility they had to consider if they were to survive through this.

She knelt down, and her palm caressing his cheek she leaned forward and kissed her lower lip, whispering "I love you" and she could feel the tip of his tongue sliding inside of her as she got lost in the kiss, deepening it as he engulfed her into a passionate state that she could only feel when she was with him.

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

**Hever Castle**

The week later after our last meeting, I parted to Hever to see my offspring.

I felt they had been away from me long enough. I longed to see their chubby faces, especially my youngest, Henry. My absence had made them, especially the oldest, Philip, very dependant on their nurses and to my chagrin on the Queen.

I wanted them to feel loved and needed by none other than their mother.

I wanted to wash away all the influence of Kitty Howard and replace it with my love.

I wanted them show me the same tender care that I always showed them when I visited them. When I saw them I vowed I would never be away them.

Philip, I noticed was still looking very pale, his poor health sadly reminded me of his uncle, my brother Edward who was constantly sick and under strict supervision by his doctors.

Like my brother he was under strict supervision by Dr. Butts, the Queen I heard from him before I went to see my children, visited them often, and seemed to genuinely care for him. But I knew better, she was not the smartest person, but that did not mean she wasn't sneaky like the rest of the Howard clan. As far as I knew the Howards never plan anything by halves, and Kitty Howard was no different. I had underestimated her many times, thinking she was as brainless as her ladies, but I knew better now when I brought my son to my arms and he struggled against me, wanting to break free.

I had seen how he had welcomed Kitty with open arms, but for me he had gone stiff, and the moment I touched him he recoiled, almost repulsed by my touch.

"What is wrong sweetheart?" I asked my three year old son, he didn't say anything and looked away. It broke my heart to see him act this way toward me.

I diverted my gaze to the boy standing next to me, whom I had felt earlier tugging my dress demanding my attention. He had not been so welcome to Kitty's attentions, but he did accept them no less for all the gifts that her step grandmother showered him with.

Out of the three Tudor boys, he was her favorite and also my father's. Personally I had no favorite, though I admit that Henry was the more handsome boy that I had ever seen. Unlike his brother he was strong, he was fit and he loved to play with his toys, the boy was restless and he welcomed everyone as long as they showed him the same affection.

Best of all, Henry was the vivid image of Eustace. His face reminded me of him every day when I would lay eyes on him. His eyes were the same dark grey characteristic of the Tudors, but high cheekbones and nose were all Eustace. Everyone had been very blind not to see those small features that bore a resemblance with his real father. Philip had been very engrossed with the war, and with gaining favor at my expense and through our children, that he had failed to notice these features. Like everyone else, she believed Henry was who she said he was.

I brought Henry to her arms and went to sit him next to me after I sat on the couch that was next to his cradle.

Almost immediately I saw a change in Philip as he cried out "mama! Mama!" to me and came running forcing me to stop playing with Henry and look down to the kneeling child at my feet.

"Mama!" he kept saying, his eyes stained with tears. I took pity on my small son and scooped him in my arms. I failed to notice Henry's jealous stare as he folded his arms, clearly annoyed that I was now devoting all of my attention to my oldest son and first heir.

"Don't go" he said, his voice barely audible but I understood everything he said, though it was broken English. I wiped the tears with my fingers from his cheeks, sometimes I forgot that he was so frail and weak, and he reminded me more of me than of his father or grandfather. I immediately forgot all the attentions and loving care that Kitty gave to Philip and that he always returned to his surrogate mother.

Today I learned what I must do to bring Philip back into my arms. Both brothers were hungry for attention, but out of the two it was Henry who was always welcoming, I needed to show him affection, the more I do, I told myself, the easier it becomes for Philip to come running into my arms.

"I am not going anywhere love" I said giving him a kiss on his cheek, earning an approving smile from him that was followed by loud giggles.

"It tickles" he said when I ran my fingers through his dark hair making a mess out of it.

"I could make it worse, I could spill cold water over it, you wouldn't be able to comb it for days" I joked. Philip laughed harder at this.

Suddenly our moment was cut off by his violent cough. I dreaded the sound of it, my brother was plagued by it constantly, and now it was Philip. Were all Tudor males cursed to die so young?

Just then I felt Henry tugging at my sleeve, and I could see his pinky and chubby cheeks. _Maybe not all_ –I suddenly thought, realizing how Henry had never shown any of these physical ailments, since his birth he had been a healthy and strong child, and he seemed to getting stronger each day.

His expectant and impatient gaze told me that he wanted me to hold him again, he seemed to ignore his brother's cough which had ceased at once as I embraced him and let him rest his head on my shoulder. I mouthed a small sorry to Henry, he was too young to understand the facts of life, sickness or death.

"Shhh … there, there Philip go to sleep." I said massaging his back. I did not know how long I stayed like this, but when I opened my eyes upon feeling something warm on my waist, I looked down to see Henry asleep too.

**

* * *

**

**June 5th,**

**Battle of Serravale**

Philip lay on the verge of dying. The only thing that mattered he heard the Physician and the healers say, was that he pulled through the fever, and the rest they added was God's will. Besides the prayers of the soldiers, there was nothing else they could do.

_No, make me live. I have to see her, I have to see Philip … Henry, I want to see him again!_ -he prayed. Desperately he was begging to God, imploring, not to let him die He tried to stay awake but as they brought a wet cloth unto his forehead, he felt himself becoming drowsy, and his vision was becoming hazier He could barely distinguish the figures that were next to him, looking at him with deep interest.

_None of them_, he thought, _believes that I can live through this._

I will show them –he decided, letting sleep claim him, the last thing that passed through his min before he was taken, was his wife's image smiling down at him, and when he saw this he thought that he had been dreaming or was dead and accepted into heaven. But the dream became a nightmare. Next to Mary appeared the Imperial Ambassador, a man he despised more than the devil itself, as he leaned down his lips coming into contact with her perfectly beautiful skin on her neck.

_No!_ He wanted to scream, but sleep had finally claimed him.

The doctors sighed, they all heard him mutter in his sleep, begging no to some alien entity, he was already hallucinating, it was a bad sign, very bad sign they all whispered to each other. God's will they kept repeating, it was all in the Lord's hands, but this did not suffice for his men who kept praying so that their general would make a quick recovery and that his leg and chest wounds would soon heal.

They had won the battle but at a great cost, despite Alfonso D' Avalos advancing against the Italian mercenaries at service of the French, attack, they had lost so many men, and Philip trying to be the hero and remembered for his courage, had acted without thinking and charged at full speed at the enemy. He had killed, more like slaughtered, he'd considered, many, but in the end it proved fruitless as an arrow had pierced through him in the chest, wounding him greatly. After he fell from his horse, he twisted himself around so he would not land on his back and end up paralyzed without the possibility of moving his legs. As he'd predicted he landed on his shoulder. His men and the Imperial soldiers came rushing to his aide, they brought him far as possible from the battle front, but it was too late to stop the bleeding. The physicians had given him wine before they removed the arrow and tended to his other wounds; they'd said it would help with the pain.

The pain had been too great for him to bear. After he closed his eyes and falling victim to exhaustion because of the pain he experienced, everyone around him looked to the Duke in pity and whispered solemn phrases. It seemed to D' Avalos who was standing next to his fallen and unlikely comrade, that they were mourning the Duke.

_They should be praying_ –D' Avalos thought, rather unlikely for him to admit that he cared for this man. He was a heretic after all, and like all heretics he was an enemy of the Empire, but so far he had demonstrated courage in the battlefield. He cared for his soldiers, and he was a strong fighter, he still could not fathom how was it that the Lord allowed good soldiers like this man to fall prey to the arrows of men who had no honor, mercenaries, scum of the Earth, thought D' Avalos.

Three hundred of his men had died, a very little number taking into consideration how many of HIS men had fallen prey to these mercenaries. This battle proved to be a major victory for the Empire and its allies. Thanks to this, now the Emperor, he was sure, his master would be forced to invade France and maybe he could convince the King of England to do so as well. The Empire and England once again, fighting side by side and leaving all of their religious and political differences aside for a common goal, to conquer France and depose once and for all that libertine King, Francois I.

Looking down at Philip again, D' Avalos thought back to this man's last words, about his wife, his home Bavaria, and his children whom he loved and missed dearly.

"_I promised Philip that I would give him a wooden horse" Philip said smiling as he tried to carve the perfect image of the Trojan horse his son loved so much from Homer's Odyssey. He had vowed he would return home safely, he had other reasons to promise this to his children. To his wife as well he had made a promise that he would come home quickly, not because he missed or cared for her. _

_His feelings for her were genuine, of that he was certain, but there was also the duty as a husband and as the father of England and his land's heirs, that he be back home safely, so they would not have to end up as puppets as the Prince of Wales already was of his family and the rest of the Court._

"_Your son sounds really smart for a three year old" D' Avalos said watching the perfect carving that Philip was making with his knife._

_Philip turned to the Imperial commander. "Yes he is. Not only that, I receive word that my little one Henry is doing great in his studies. He already masters four languages. I swear that kid is going to make us all very proud" He commented feeling a knot in his chest, and a huge pain in his abdomen as he thought back to his youngest (and favorite) son Henry._

_He often reminded him of his wife, and his father in law, His Majesty and his son's namesake. The boy unlike his uncle and brother, possessed perfect health, he had never gotten sick, and there was no ounce of ambition in his eyes as he often saw in Philip's._

_His eldest son, he feared often felt jealous of his younger brother, because Henry was everything Philip was not. Henry was very active, he would rarely, if ever, get tired. His nurses and tutors loved him and they never stopped praising him._

_The King had fallen in love with his second grandson the moment he had been laid in his arms by his wife, Henry's godmother._

_The thought of him dying here alone, scared him. He had many reasons to worry. Indeed, and not only for the opportunists who would take advantage of his orphans sons and use them to further advance in their positions, especially with Philip being a sickly and very co dependant boy, he would be the easiest one to manipulate one. He worried more about his wife, what she would do if Philip died?_

_The answer was obvious. Even D' Avalos had hinted it. He had seen much of the world, more than Philip of Bavaria in fact, to know that women being the lonely creatures they were, they easily ran away from their husbands when they were absent for too long. Mary, D' Avalos thought, should be no different, and though his comment should have angered Philip it did not, for it bore much truth._

_He had already fallen victim of his wife's cheating, sometimes in her letters that seemed so formal he suspected that she would be lying with that man, and that he would marry her without a doubt if he were to die._

_The Imperial commander looked at Philip's troubled gaze; he decided to switch the subject._

"_Tell me about your son Henry. I have heard from my master that his grandfather, His Majesty has made him Lord of Pembroke and Richmond. You must be very proud Your Grace" he commented watching how the Duke's expression shifted from concern to happiness, he truly felt pride at his son's achievements. His achievement, Philip considered, were also his own, because of him, Henry and his brother had been placed one step ahead of everyone. Kitty Howard loved them, and she wasted no time praising him for begetting two beautiful children of his wife. Though they still had their problems and differences to settle, Philip sincerely thought that one day (perhaps) she and Mary could have a better relationship, through their children._

"_Henry was born nearly two years ago, in fact he is going to be two this year. I recently heard that he is growing stronger, and that he is not an inch taller than his brother. The King I remember used to say that God has blessed him with another son, he considered my Henry to be his Duke of York. We all thought that the Queen would be mad, and I would not have blamed her if she was, but she was actually relieved when Lord Henry had been born, because it meant that she was no longer under much pressure to produce a heir, though many at Court still want her to."_

"_Ah yes" D' Avalos interrupted reminiscing what his master once told him. "a King can never have too much sons can he? You should have seen my Master's face when he heard he had married again, and to a Howard no less!" He exclaimed recalling his master's outrage at hearing the King had married a common harlot, who just so happened to be the late harlot's cousin._

_It had become the newest scandal of Christendom. _

_The Lady Katherine Howard, who rose as high as her cousin (Anne Boleyn) by the King who made her his Queen. _

_For their sake, D' Avalos and the rest of the Imperials, they hoped that the King would not get any offspring, son or daughter from her, one bastard was already too much. Nothing good could come from the cousin of Anne Boleyn's womb. It would be another bastard, another evil thing sired from evil itself._

_Philip might consider her to be the Goddess Hera incarnate, but D' Avalos had been, long enough, around women to know their true nature. Foul creatures, he thought, they knew nothing more than to make men feel like they were less. Their whole sex, he considered, was condemned, and because they knew they descended from the Devil itself, they preyed on men hoping that way they would gain their master's favor so they would become as exalted as God's perfect creation -man. Just what the Duke needed, he thought grimly recalling how many women found it easy to snatch men under their sweet voices and false promises.  
_

_Philip saw how D' Avalos' face had been twisted, his mouth almost becoming deformed as he mentioned the Queen. It was a well known fact, that Kitty Howard was first cousin to Anne Boleyn, and that if they were to compare them, they would see a striking resemblance between the both, not in their physical appearance, they were very different, but in the way they behaved. Kitty preferred French fashions and opted for an allegiance with them, like Philip often did, but in the end they had to swallow their pride after the Ambassador proved to be (he hated to admit) much smarter than Ambassadeur Marillac._

_Philip sometimes wished he could have met Anne Boleyn, there was much mystery surrounding the mother of his sister in law, whom he was very close, so he could know the real truth behind that mysterious woman whom had once been referred as the most happy._

"_My wife's father is a great King, give him time. Old age has made him wise. Remember Richard Lion Heart, age made him stronger and a wiser King to his people" Philip reminded._

_His Imperial counterpart smirked. He didn't need a lecture from Philip, he knew more about history than the young Duke and General from Bavaria. "And like old Richard I, Henry VIII has imposed terrible taxes on his people because of his war campaigns" he held a hand up seeing that Philip's lips moved and he was about to speak, "but alas you are right my Heretic General" a smirk appearing on his face that Philip found contagious. He wasn't insulted by being called a Heretic, he had gotten used to it, and besides D' Avalos did not mean to insult him, though close minded as Philip considered him, this became the easiest way for them to get along, leaving aside all their prejudices to concentrate themselves on the battlefield._

_They had found this very useful, and made them not only better Generals but an unusual friendship had been formed out of the tragic war experiences. _

"_The King knows what the people want. Mark my words if God's will is to have a Bavarian heir as its next King, he will have to give his people death, freedom through war so they could love him. That is how Kingdoms are made" _

"_That is a sad comment in itself" Philip said in a nonchalant manner, looking at all the sick and wounded that were dying quickly because of the poor medical care. Three days ago their best physician had died and the only thing they had left were two poor skilled soldiers, who had been his apprentices, but they barely knew anything, Philip dared to think he knew much more than them._

"_Alas it is the truth! Is how Countries are made -through war, not through peace" Philip of Bavaria should know better by now that no Country was free from blood, all Countries that were still standing had been through victory not by their economic system, but through war, it was the greatest business and the means which Countries and their monarchs maintained their power. D' Avalos had trouble understanding how was it the King of England, paranoid as he heard the fellow was, had let his daughter marry this dreamer, this fool who still had his head in the clouds. _

"_Your children will soon learn that it is the only way to survive" D' Avalos added._

"_My children will be better people than me" And my wife, Philip wanted to add. Just the thought of his children committing, the same mistakes as their parents, especially their backstabbing mother was too much to bear to him. But they had Tudor and Plantagenet blood after all; they were bound for outrageous things._

The way he had talked about his children and his wife, made it seem like all his fight in foreign lands against an enemy he would rather not be against, was worth it.

He hoped so, because he could just imagine how much disappointment it would be fore Philip Wittelsbach if he were to return home and find his wife, had already forgotten him.

* * *

**Greenwich Palace:**

Three weeks had passed since the Empire and her husband's latest victory in Serravale. This had caused Charles, her cousin, and her father to come to a mutual agreement, after the Earl of Hertford had declared that his raid at Scotland had made the Country harmless, to attack France.

She was sad when Eustace told her that he had to go to Calais, it would be his signature that would seal the Imperial alliance between both nations, and also Bavaria. With her approval of course, since her husband was still unconscious, she was the one whose signature mattered the most to approve Bavaria's endless loyalty to the Empire.

She knew Philip would be mad if he knew what she did, but she told herself it was necessary, and besides she and Eustace agreed it was best for the negotiations, so England and the Empire would become strong allies in the war against France and their unholy alliance with the Turks and the Shmaldik League.

The Wittelsbach would bear strong resentment for her, of that she was certain, and Eustace knew it too, but for the sake of their faith and so their consciences would not weight against them, they did it. Eustace had considered it dangerous when she added on the document her pledge that when her son would be of age, with the Emperor's support, she would become Regent and that the second Duke of Bavaria would return Bavaria to the Papacy.

_"Is this something you are sure Mary? Think of your husband. What if he were to survive? This would be treason"_ He'd said to her, but she found herself not caring for what Philip would say to her anymore.

_"It is a risk then, that we will have to take. Bavaria needs to return to the Papacy"_ She'd said to him, arching her eyebrows as he raised his and bit his lower lip in disapproval.

_"This is madness Madame!"_ He'd almost cried out to her, but he kept up his mask of neutrality, suggesting instead that she should reconsider, that this would only give her father more reason to take over her sons' upbringing, not to mention that Cranmer was already looking for an excuse to exclude her from their life altogether.  
_"Think of your children!"_ He'd roared, loosing all control she remembered after she refused to look at him.

She did, it was the reason why she was doing this, if Bavaria was returned to the Papacy by the time this war was over, and she was sure, that both the Empire and England would be victorious, then there would be no reason for Philip to oppose her decission. After all it would be fair pay since the Empire had helped England and Bavaria in this war against the Turks and the rebellious lot of France.

She sat down in her chair, all the whirlwind of memories came to a halt, when she remembered her last encounter with Eustace on their bed, moments after she'd found out that she lost the child.

It had been dreadful, waking up in the middle of the night, her bedsheets soaking in blood, everyone around her, Susan and Jane that is, kept screaming waking the entire household, most of whom did not know what was really plaguing their Mistress. Ther servants that were most trusted, were brought to her bedchamber to clean the mess. All the bed sheets had been washed and later she ordered Susan to tell them to have it all burned, so there would be no evidence that she was ever pregnant. It had mainly been Susan and Jane had helped her cover it all up.  
But there had been a few puzzled faces, as some of the German servants struggled -and failed- to understand what was really happening to their master's wife. She smiled grimly to herself.

After the miscarriage of her son, yes it had been a son, a tiny baby that she had lost and all because of Cranmer! Nothing mattered to her after that. In truth, Eustace had been relieved when he had been told of the miscarriage, but she did not fail to notice the small glint of regret in his eyes afterwards when she told him of their unborn child's features. He had been very surprised, he must have thought that it was too early to distinguish its features, but she had seen them, she told Susan before they burned it, to let her see him. She had memorized every line, every imperfection of which the poor child had many. She'd remembered seeing the disappointment in his eyes. He had diverted his gaze to the window next to his four poster bed. His hurt looks had disappeared after they'd kiss and when they'd made love, but they soon returned when she told him about its appearance. To this day she still wondered what he might have been thinking when she mentioned their son's appearance.

This had all been Cranmer and the other Heretics' fault, who were responsible for her causing her stress that led to the miscarriage their unborn child. Eustace had said how he often powerless to stop the Heretics, and their influence over the King. Mary could not helpt but agree. Since Cromwell had been introduced into Court, it had caused England nothing but pain and grief when their King was bewitched by this man's council.  
Sometimes she found herself wishing she could be Queen only so she could crop every head of every infidel in England, and that she would shed as much blood as possible, so this Country could be what it once was, clean as a pearl, pure and loyal to the One True Church.

Hate and resentment were not the only dark feelings born out of the tragedy of loosing her third child. She'd also found herself feeling nothing but contempt. Days after the miscarriage, she had received a letter from none other than the Queen, who did not stop saying how proud she was of her children and without asking her permission she said that she would take the children to her current Royal residence at Greenwich. Mary had been enraged, she remembered tearing up the letter into little pieces and curse the Queen outloud, no longer caring if anyone of her husband's bloody spies would report this to Her Majesty. They knew nothing. Their Duchess was still a mystery to them, she was safe as long as she didn't talk to them, or said anything. She had not responded to the Queen, and when the Queen came to visit her, nobody said anything because they knew nothing. It was as if their Mistress had never been pregnant.

Nobody would know.

It would be the best kept secret, as was the true lineage behind her father's favorite grandson, Henry. And to add to her line of secrets no one would know for a long time of her betrayal when she signed her husband's lands to the Emperor agreeing that when her son, either of them, came into his inheritance, he would return Bavaria to the Papacy, and he would be loyal to the One True Church. For her God and her Church she had been willing to risk her life and commit treason.

* * *

**A/N: I know evil cliffy and evil me, their son died. Next chapter flashbacks when she lost the child including the meeting with Cranmer.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

**Quick *The battle of Serravale was really important because this is what forced the agreement between the two nations, the Empire and England were they agreed together to invade France. **

***As for Chapuys leaving, historically he did during this period and it was his signature which sealed this agreement, which I am following this as well for the storyline.**

**Philip will he live or die? Wait to find out, if I get enough reviews I might feel in the mood to update more than one chapter.**

**so don't forget now to**

**REVIEW!**

**kk,**

**~Carolina  
**


	38. How it came about

**Disclaimer: I don't own nothing, certainly not the Tudors that would make me a Goddess and a millionaire!**

**A/N: Thanks for all the great support with your reviews, you all have been great. Thanks Dani for the brainstorm of this story's last chapter.**

**I leave you with one short chapter, but don't worry next chapters will be longer, be sure to read it all and review at the end of every chapter!**

**_Italics_ -thoughts or flashback, and "Bold" are commonly important references.  
**

**~Carolina  
**

**

* * *

**

_"How the hell did we wind up like this?_  
_Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed_  
_And try turn the tables_

_I wish you'd unclench your fists, and unpack your suitcase_  
_Lately there's been too much of this_  
_But don't think it's too late_

_Nothing's wrong, just as long as_  
_You know that someday I will_

_Someday, somehow_  
_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_  
_I know you're wondering when_  
_(You're the only one who knows that)_  
_Someday, somehow_  
_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_  
_I know you're wondering when_

_Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway_  
_That we could end up saying_  
_Things we've always needed to say_  
_So we could end up staying_  
_Now the story's played out like this_  
_Just like a paperback novel_  
_Let's rewrite an ending that fits_  
_Instead of a Hollywood horror_

_Nothing's wrong, just as long as_  
_You know that someday I will_

_Someday, somehow_  
_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_  
_I know you're wondering when_  
_(You're the only one who knows that)_  
_Someday, somehow_  
_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_  
_I know you're wondering when_  
_(You're the only one who knows that)_

_How the hell did we wind up like this?_  
_Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed_  
_And try to turn the tables_  
_Now the story's played out like this_  
_Just like a paperback novel_  
_Let's rewrite an ending that fits_  
_Instead of a Hollywood horror_

_Nothing's wrong, just as long as_  
_You know that someday I will_

_Someday, somehow_  
_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_  
_I know you're wondering when_  
_(You're the only one who knows that)_  
_Someday, somehow_  
_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_  
_I know you're wondering when_  
_(You're the only one who knows that)_  
_I know you're wondering when_  
_(You're the only one who knows that)_  
_I know you're wondering when"_

~**Nickelback -_"Someday"_**  
_

* * *

  
_

**Calais:**

His signature was that was needed to seal the final proof of his master and His Majesty Henry VIII, alliance with each other, agreeing they would attack France (together) and that the King of England would abandon all future plans to attack Scotland. After the Earl of Hertford had raided the land, in his opinion -it seemed more like raped, he had secured the plans for a future invasion. Henry used the pretext that it was to secure that the Scottish King, his nephew would not repeat his father's mistake and attack England.  
Nonetheless, the Emperor did not want Scotland to fall under Heretical hands. He knew that if England were to be controlled by His Majesty, the little Queen, Mary Stuart would be forced to sign off her country to England, or worse she would be forced to marry Prince Edward, that way Scotland would be annexed by any child she could give the sickly future King.

It had angered His English Majesty when he agreed to the Emperor's terms but he was left with little choice. He wanted to invade France, and the Emperor was giving him the opportunity to do his life long dream, to destroy the French rose and humiliate his long life rival Francois I once and for all, it was something he would not miss for anything in the world.

Eustace sighed as he handed the document to his clerk, Montoya and his personal Secretary Fleming.

He gave specific instructions that this contract would be delivered to the Emperor's especial envoy as soon as possible.

That had been two weeks ago in the middle of July. Now it was the start of August and you could taste the fall by the tear drops in the sky, the passing of the strong winds and the most obvious (something he regarded as common everywhere, despite England having the most unpredictable weather he had ever witnessed) the falling of the leaves from the nearby trees where he was currently residing.

It pained him to be here and so far away from Mary.

But it was better this way, he told himself. This way she doesn't have to make up more fantasies or believe in the illusions she has fooled herself with, about their relationship. Eustace thought a grim smile gracing his somber features as he looked through the narrow window next to his four poster bed, at the clouded sky. He could tell it would rain again. He honestly didn't care how bad the weather turned up today. It was better to focus on the pain on his leg, because before when he would have abhorred it, he now welcomed it. Pain helped him keep focus, it made him feel angry, and most of all it made him forget her, even if it was only for a little while because soon after the pain was gone he would remember her. Her face, her kisses, the delight she wore in her face, in her hands movements when they would run from his back to his hips saying that she loved him, and he would respond that he loved her, not only in the physical sense, but in the spiritual as well.

That was at least something, he whispered to himself, that Philip would never get from her. _She has given herself to me body and soul, while Philip has only had her body to rejoice in._

He had only been very sorry that when the Duke came back to England, he had not been in a coffin. He felt no guilt or remorse for thinking this at all. He thought it would have been the best for everyone. _He should have died when the arrow pierced his flesh in Serravale_. Things would have been better if he had died the hero, his lady would have full custody of her children by now, and a rich widow having all the privileges as mother to the favorite grandson of Their Majesties.  
But later he would wake up from his dream, because that was all it was: a dream, an illusion.

Even if she did became rich, and the King let her keep all of her riches she had gained through her children, she would never have full custody of them. The King would draw the papers ordering his Master Secretary, the Earl of Essex and his Chancellor Audley as the rest of Parliament to allow him full custody and parental rights over his grandsons ahead of their mother, his own daughter.

It would be pitying one of his own against the backdrop and decadence of the English Court, since in the two children, Courtiers would see their chance as with the Prince to manipulate them, if either one of them lived past the Prince and became King. It would be his mother and his uncles all over again, only this time it would be too painful for him to see because one of those children, was his own bastard and he would be very sorry to see the King, if he dared, to make him take precedence over his elder brother Philip.

Eustace shrugged. What did it matter anyway? The deed was done, the past was the past, and the only thing left for him was shame, and regret of which he found himself feeling none anymore.

* * *

**Beaulieu (New Hall):**

_Elizabeth_ seated in the sofa next to her fireplace was waiting for Her Majesty and cousin, Kitty. She had grown tired of waiting though, so in the meanwhile she had decided to read the latest verse of the gospel of St. Paul that her sister with the help of her youngest nephew newest Governess (Lady Latimer, a wealthy widow who had gained prominence in Court because Kitty found her opinions to be of high value, as did Cranmer). Her sister had asked the Archbishop and the Master Secretary, and Lord of Privy Seal, the Earl of Essex, Cromwell to make sure her name would not be included in the translation. Needless to say, because of their animosity with her eldest sibling, they didn't take her request too kindly and when the translation of the gospel came up, Mary was up in arms.

She had tried to calm her sister, but nothing worked.

Mary had been screaming like a raving lunatic, crying out in outrage for the injustice committed against her.

Elizabeth did not understand why was it her sister could not accept the way things were now? Why so much resentment? Was it because of her mother, the infamous witch Anne Boleyn, that she (her own daughter) had been taught to hate, yet secretly admired?

It seemed a waste of time and energy that Mary would be hating the new teachings on the basis of the injustice (what her sister considered in her opinion to be evil) that had been done by Elizabeth's own mother and her supporters to her and her mother, Katherine of Aragon.

But as Mary was falling out of favor, Elizabeth was gaining back the favor and preference her father once had for her, when she was still Princess of Wales.  
With Kitty, she had made sure that no one would forget her in the Tudor Court. She had become everyone's sweetheart, and everyone adored her, just as they had once adored her mother, that dark mysterious beauty they now called 'witch'.

Elizabeth looked up as the doors of her apartment doors opened. She was greeted with her greatest and truest friend, Kitty Howard, surprisingly she had no ladies wither her this time, nor Lady Rochford or her uncle. Instead there was her youngest and favorite nephew who bore her father's name, little Henry. He had been walking slowly, making sure he would not trip or injure himself. Behind him was the Lady Latimer [his Governess] who was had been holding his chubby little hand the entire time.

Elizabeth walked to the three of them, and gave a bowed deeply for the Queen, acknowledging her first and then her nephew and his Governess.

"Lady Elizabeth" Said Katherine Parr with deep respect for the youngest Princess. She would not dare say it to anyone, but in Catherine's mind, Elizabeth had never stopped being a Princess, out of the two daughters she had been the one who had the more grace and beauty. Certainly -Cate thought- she had inherited not only her father's handsome looks but also her mother's.

Elizabeth ran to her nephew after Kitty had nodded seeing the impatient look on her stepdaughter's eyes when she diverted her gaze to the young Lord of Pembroke.

"Auntie Bess!" Her nephew exclaimed running to his Aunt Elizabeth. Elizabeth picked him up with great effort. "How you've grown!" She exclaimed locking her dark brown eyes unto his light gray.

"You always say that" he told her having no trouble articulating his thoughts into a perfect sentence.

Elizabeth had grown very attached to her nephew.

Kitty loved him as well, she proved to be a great step grandmother and surrogate mother, for a boy whom she considered practically abandoned by his mother.

Elizabeth didn't see it as abandonment. She didn't consider Mary a bad person. She had seen how much she loved them on the few occasions she had visited her sons' Household at Hever. Mary would shower them, as if it was a competition, with as much gifts as Kitty, and later she would take her children outside [on the daytime] to play. Henry, they had all witnessed how energetic he was, the boy never grew tired, he could play for many hours and stay awake forever.

"Do you have toys I can play with?" The little boy asked innocently.

Kitty giggled. "Toys are not everything" she said but upon seeing the crest fallen look on her favorite munchkin, she added -"But we can get you new ones after if you like"

Henry's face lightened and looked at the Queen and then to his governess whom he had grown attached to as well. His pleading eyes were asking for Catherine's approval, as always Catherine could barely contain her smile. She had never said no to Lord Henry, but she had set some boundaries to him. However, seeing how the Queen and the Lady Elizabeth were the ones who would decided what was best for the boy's upbringing, she decided to follow their current and nod to her ward and student.

Henry looked up at Kitty who was clapping. He had always found her laughter contagious, soon Elizabeth and his governess joined them.

Lady Latimer had been very discreet when the children had began asking about their father, after they had heard servants talk about the Duke's miraculous return and tales of how he had bravely fended off the Italian and French mercenaries winning Serravale for the Imperial foces. Cate did not feel good lying to them, but a white lie was better than telling them the truth, that their father was in a very grave state, and that Physicians said that he probably wouldn't make it.

Everyone in England despite their known apprehension for foreigners, had grown to love the Duke of Bavaria, he had become English in every sense in the word, he no longer even had the German accent, and rarely spoke in his native tongue! All the people prayed for him, including her for she did not want to see her favorite ward, and what she considered to be her student, Henry become fatherless.

But nothing lasts forever, and Henry sometimes she found, was not as innocent as people thought him to be. Mastering four languages and nearly two now, she had often questioned Cate about the subject of death.

"Will my daddy play with me?" Henry said, his innocent voice cutting like a knife because of his question, the happy moment they had all been sharing.

Elizabeth's face turned grim, but she looked away so Henry would not see. When she finally regained her composure she turned to Henry. Smiling she nodded. More to the web of lies that they were building for the poor child, Kitty nodded as well telling the little boy to grow patience, his father was very tired and he had traveled all the way from the battlefield where he defended the good people from the bad ones.

It was the best and simplest explanation Kitty could come up for the child. Henry swallowed their lies, a smile forming on his lips replacing his curiosity.

"We can play with you for now" Elizabeth said lightly, feeling a knot in her chest. Guilt for lying. But she told herself it was necessary, sometimes the truth was not just enough, and people needed more than just the truth to get by, they needed inspiration, something to look forward.

The servants outside her quarters could not help but smile at the ladies' interactions with the toddler, though they could not see it -they could hear everything. Since Henry had married this young woman who at the time was only seventeen, he had changed drastically -his foul moods had disappeared and he had been born again. Their old and grouchy King had become merry again, those who knew him since he was crowned said that it was the miracle of yet another Catherine, this time one of their own, who had changed him for the better.

The two guards waiting outside the Lady Elizabeth's chamber doors could not help but agree. _Everything _had changed for the better.

* * *

_"Love is not kind, love is not forgiving, but people are. We are fools in love as we are even more fools in exalting ourselves believing we are invincible, that pain is blind to us. We are wrong. We are all victims of pain. Those who say they suffer too much or suffer too little suffer the same just as you, their pain is just different. Pain is pain no matter where it comes from, how we take it, how we view it, is how it is interpreted and how it takes priority over others. Pain and love are two different sides of the same coin"_

_**~Coins of Luck by Anonymous

* * *

**  
_

**_**_[_Flashback_]_**_**

**_Hunsdson:_**

_It had been __late March when the Duchess received a surprise visit from Cranmer._

_Mary was showed barely a curtsy worthy of a servant and commoner like Cranmer, for a Princess of the blood (nobler than all her siblings -her mind remarked) and next in line to the throne after her brother, Edward. Thomas Cranmer did in the least care for what his best friend and companion's wife had to say. He was only here, he told himself, strictly for business not for pleasure and (certainly not) of his own volition._

_The Earl of Hertford and Cromwell had seen to that._

_Cranmer was the one hand chosen by the Earl of Hertford who had been advised, no doubt by, Cromwell that he delivered the message to the Duchess of Bavaria, Lady Mary that it was her duty as the King's eldest daughter to show her face before the nobles and other yeomen who were still up in arms because of the King's involvement in this war. The Lady Elizabeth, and Queen Katherine Howard along with their retinue had managed to convince many, mainly the yeomen whom Cranmer was deep fond of for it was said in the scriptures, they represented the souls that Christ had intended to save. _

_He never put it past him though, that he and the others should keep a close watch over the nobles and rising class that was neither rich nor poor, but in between. The latter especially were contributing to the nation's wealth through their own independent trade. They were loyal only to themselves, and that worked fine with him and the other politcians, as long as they would contribute to their efforts of advancing the Reform and staying true to their word, that they would always be loyal to God thought His representative on Earth, Henry VIII._

_ After the Pilgrimage of Grace which had proved a fortune to the true faith's faction (and misfortune for the followers of the decadent one) Cranmer had discussed with Cromwell and Audley. If the people were to rise in arms again with the excuse they were defending their one true church, the Duchess then would have to be placed under "protective" custody, mainly someone on their side. Then the necessary measures would be taken, with paperwork ready to also take into full custody her children and heirs to the throne. Cromwell, Audley (and Cranmer was sure they could easily get to Wriothlesly and Gardiner, despite their supposes support of the Catholic faith, if they were offered a position of higher prestige or better lodgings, like any member of the corrupt and decadent church, they would sell their souls to Satan just for the sake of gold) and last but not least himself, could convince Philip to sign his custody rights over to them._

_He was brought back to reality by the stern voice of his best friend's wife. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit Archbishop?" She hadn't even bothered to call him properly as protocol called for it. No matter -he thought- she owes me nothing, I owe her nothing either._

_He forced himself to smile on her. "Well milady isn't it obvious? I have come on behalf of His Majesty who has heard of your wonderful translation and wishes nothing more than to congratulate you, this gift you have bestowed on us, something that could not have been done without the Lady Latimer, your youngest son's governess, extensive knowledge. Both your contributions will be recognized as something invaluable to the Crown and to our Church milady."_

_Mary paled, she felt the anger rising and it was consuming her. How dare they? He and his whole lot of Heretics-hadn't they remembered their promise, that they were never to reveal she had helped in such heresy when she was "forced" into translating the gospel of St. Paul's letters to English? Did her word meant nothing in this land of Heretics and Infidels? Where they even familiar with the word "Promise"?_

_Mary had become very rigid, she had never felt herself this angry, not even when her father threatened her to send her to the tower if she didn't recognize the harlot as his rightful wife or Elizabeth ans his sole heir, nor when Kitty Howard had threatened to take her sons away from her. _

_Her face had become thunderous, and she shot daggers through her eyes as she locked gazes with him._

_"You must be very proud. The Church of England could not have strengthen its position without you. This will be something that I am sure history will remember, we are on the dawn of a new Era milady"_

_Indeed we are, she thought, and when and if I become Queen I will make sure that before I send you to hell, that you will taste first the flames of my wrath when I burn you to the stake!_

_"Are you defying me, my Lord of Canterbury? What happened to our agreement?" She asked, her tone intimidating, but Cranmer stood his ground._

_Cranmer did not feel in the less intimidated, or scared by her threats, nor by her glacial expression, having come upon worst with having been through worse at the presence of the King and his merciless Court._

_"You mean your agreement?" _

_"It was our agreement!" she cried recalling how Cranmer and that Satan's advocate and her father's best dog, Cromwell, had guaranteed that no one would ever know that she had a hand in that abomination. The moment the copy was laid in her hands by Cranmer's Secretary Mary threw it across the room._

_Cranmer could not help but laugh at this display of the Duchess' uncontrolled behavior. It only proved his point, that God forbid if this woman should ever become Queen, what would become of England and the rest of the faith's true followers if they were cursed with a monarch who could barely have control over her emotions!_

_"You failed to protect your promise to me!"_

_"No milady I am merely His Majesty's humble servant. I did exactly as our Head of the Church asked me too" he replied with a submissive tone._

_"You are nothing but a traitor to your word, heretic little priest" Mary muttered. A few of their servants who were close, caught her words and exchanged worried glances. The expression on Cranmer remained neutral however, as if he had gone being obsessed with mundane things such as caring for the bastard Princess' behavior._

_Seeing how her outbursts had no effect on him, Mary swallowed, and then she regained her composure._

_"I am utterly opposed to this "thing" having my name on it. Give full credit to the Lady Latimer, I am sure she would feel flattered, she is my son's tutor after all -one you and Her Majesty handpicked!" She gave a huge outcry._

_"I am saddened by your reply Your Grace, it is a shame. If only your kind could understand what we are trying to do here. This will be nothing the world has ever seen, we are making history Madame, and whether you like it or not you are as much the King's subject as the rest of us, the old ways are over as a great Lady whom your Church helped murder, once said, the new ways are what are important now. You are part of a dying race." He stated, looking sternly at her, challenging her._

_Mary diverted her gaze to Susan, Jane and Sophie who, along with the others, were gazing at the floor. Mary turned back to the Archbishop of Canterbury, her penetrating gaze causing him to shiver for the first time, as her voice turned colder "You are just an Archbishop, and remember servants come and go, learn of your own history. Becket died after all for his imprudence to the King" she reminded being more defiant. "You are a valuable asset to His Majesty and to your Church, it would be most unfortunate if you were to die too soon"_

_Cranmer smirked then regained his old neutrality, his eyes becoming darker. "Are you threatening me Madame? Because I doubt that you can go round on round with Thomas Cranmer or with the rest of your father's LOYAL men. You are mother of valuable assets as well, never forget is the only reason why you are tolerated in the first place" He said with a smile turning to his servants, and leaving the Duchess hurt and humiliated._

_His words kept resonating in her minds after she retired everyone, Susan following racing behind her Mistress attempting to calm her down, but Mary closed the door of her room before she could hear her favorite lady in waiting taking pity on her. She would not! She told herself. She would never let anyone take pity on her -pity was for the weak and Mary Tudor [certainly] was not weak!_

_After Susan stopped her violent knocking, Mary had finally been left alone, but that would soon change._

_She felt a hot pain in her abdomen consuming her, she dropped to her knees clutching her stomach. She had began wearing heavy clothing, even if the baby bump was not easy to notice, if one looked hard enough they would find what they would be looking for._

_Mary's other hand went to the floorboards of her chambers where her finger nails dug into the wood. The pain she felt from it as the result of blood coming from them, was nothing next to the horrible aching in her midsection where she carried the child._

_"No! Ah!" she wailed, not realizing she was crying aloud._

_Only her most trusted ladies and servants came rushing to their Mistress' aide. Sophie was not there of course, Susan for some reason still did not trust Sophie and had sent her home immediately after Mary had locked herself in her chambers._

_Susan, Jane and the rest helped Mary to her feet. The curiosity in her could not help her avoid, the concern she felt for the child. _

_"Mary is going to alright, is going to be ..." Mary did not hear Susan finish her phrase, the child was all that mattered to her. Reaching [after they brought her to the bed where she was laid down] for underneath her dress, her hand fell in contact with something hot and sticky. Dread, fear, anguish and sadness, all came flooding at once as she brought the hand to her face. _

_Blood had never made Jane sick as it did now. None of the other ladies moved for a moment, it was Jane who broke the silence._

_"Your Grace!" she screamed feeling completely frightened and disgusted for the dead remains of the child in her lady's hand, and soaked in blood._

_Followed by Jane, another one of her maids cried, and one even fainted!_

* * *

Mary awoke from her nightmare.

_No! No! No!_ She gave a mental cry. This could not be happening, she sat up straight and her hand went straight to her chest, she clutched her nightgown, the soft fabric that went down to her feet. It was the third sleepless night that she had been forced to relive this nightmare!

_Why? Why?_ she asked herself, what had she done? What had the child done?

_He was innocent as was I!_ She roared looking into the bedroom ceiling. Why did you take him away? It was not his fault! She protested, adding that if God needed someone to punish, it should be them then, all they ever did, if that could be called a crime, a sin had been to fall in love!

And in the end what was sin? What men in their Churches or in councils said was right or wrong according to their parties or leader's interest? What was the difference between love and sin? The way her father's Church had defined sin it had been as nothing more than the disobedience of the Lord, though they contradicted themselves stating that original sin was contradictory to their beliefs, and that if Jesus had eradicated all future sins then there was no sin. Belief in God was the only system in which any soul, independent of whether it inhabited a male or female body, could reach heaven.

They knew sin existed, but they refused to acknowledged it, yet they preached it calling it by another name. It was hypocrisy in Mary's opinion to say that a thing did not exist, yet acknowledging it by using another name for it. The way these heretics operated, she found that Gardiner had been right, it was as if they were afraid to hear the word "sin".

_"Fear of a name_-her mother once said-_ only increases fear for the thing itself"_

Her mother's memory helped her come back to her senses. It had all been a dream, a bad dream -the past was the past, there was nothing she and Eustace could have done to prevent that tragedy. Maybe their love as Susan said was not meant to be, maybe she was not even meant for happiness at all.

Eustace, her thoughts came back to him, he was very far away, and she found herself missing him more each day.

Mary brought her sweaty palm to her (also drenching with cold sweat) forehead. "Get out of there" she whispered. "Go" she implored, but the nightmares would keep coming. As long as her husband remained unconscious, in the room next to theirs, she would never rest in peace.

* * *

**A/N: Will Philip wake up or not? Review! and find out.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***That was not all work of fiction Mary's translation of St. Paul to English, it did happen with the help of Catherine Parr in 1543-1544, however she asked her name to be erased so she would not appear as one that contributed to what she considered to be a heresy, and when the copy was given to her she ordered it to be burned, however even if her name was left out, everyone knew.**

**Review and the faster there is going to be updates!  
**


	39. My heart lingers

_A/N: I have altered some facts as you know for example Chapuys met in May 22__nd__ with Henry VIII according to the Austin dissertation from 1929, is old yet one of the more informative pieces on Chapuys' later period. Convincing Henry because of his obesity and his poor condition regarding his health, not to lead the battle, and also Henry was a great trickster with great reasons since the Emperor could not really trust him, nor Henry trust the Emperor. Francis took advantage of this many times, as you will see the battle of Piedmont on April 14__th__ that the Emperor lost and enabled Francis to strengthen his defenses in N. France. Because these events have been altered, does not mean that they have not happened, they only have not been named._

_I thank Dani (SSLE) for sending me the dissertation_

_Without anything more to say, here is __**Chapter 39**__, sorry for the inconvenience or if you thought I was keeping the story highly inaccurate, as you know from TBPIII, that will become more accurate since many events have not been changed there._

* * *

"_Suzanne takes you down  
__To her place near the river  
__You can hear the boats go by  
__You can spend the night besides her  
__And you know that she is half crazy  
__But that is why you want to be there  
__And she feeds tea and oranges  
__That come all the way from China  
__And just when you need to tell her you have no love to give her  
__Then she gets you on her wavelength  
__And she lets the river answer like you've always been her lover  
__And you want to travel with her  
__And you want to travel blind  
__And you know she will trust you  
__For you touched her perfect body with her mind  
__And Jesus was a sailor  
__When he walked upon the water  
__And he spend a long time watching from his lonely tower  
__And when he was certain that only drowning he could see you  
__He said all men will be sailors then until the sea shall free them  
__But he himself was broken long before the sky was open, forsaken  
__Almost human  
__He sank beneath your wisdom I bestow  
__And you walk to travel with him  
__And you want to travel light  
__And you think he will trust  
__For he has trust your perfect body with his mind  
__Now Suzanne takes your hand  
__And she leads you to the river  
__She is wearing rags and feathers from salvation army counter  
__And the sun pours down like honey on our lady from the harbor  
__And she shows you were to look among the garbage and the flowers  
__There are heroes on the seaweed,  
__There are children in the morning -They are leaning out for love  
__And they will lean that way forever as long as Suzanne has the mirror  
__And you want to travel with her  
__And you want to travel blindly  
__And you can't trust her  
__For she has touched your perfect body with her mind._

**~"Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen**

* * *

**(Chapuys POV)**

_**July 20****th****, 1544**_

**Calais,**

I did not know how to start. I did not want to tell him –my master, and to tell the truth I feared more the wrath of Mary of Hungary than the Emperor and Granvelle's put together- that His Majesty Henry VIII was still refusing to launch a full scale attack along with the Emperor's forces to France, especially to the heart of France and that libertine Monarch, in Paris. The King does not continue to deter from his offense in small towns while he is on his way to advance to the heart of France, he has already invaded, his army for the most part Montreuil.

He tells me his strategy works much better than what the Emperor has advised him and his Generals to do. He will continue to besiege small towns, as I grab ink and fresh paper and take a seat at last, resting my leg from the gout that has only been afflicting me more since I got here. Preparing to inform this to the Emperor and the Regent that their "loyal subject" and "ally" has said that with his small victories, will lead his army to soon besiege Boulogne, I heavily remarked against this to the King of England, but he hardly listens.

The word soon in the King is emphasized highly more than loyalty or friendship. He is not heading, as I finally finish writing, to head in the direction of Paris, but toward Normandy. He styles himself after William the Conqueror, one of his many forefathers, he thinks that he is by right, or should be, the King of France.

I end the letter asking, no begging for the Regent's mercy and my Master in the two separate letters to _"replace me and appoint another Ambassador to reside at this Court, for the King will leave in a couple of days for his camp"_

I sign your humble servant –His Excellency, Eustace Chapuys and call Raphael and Fleming, the latter I give him strict instructions to make sure this letter reaches safe hands. Fleming being always the jester is not today.

He knows we face the danger of being attacked. I think he has learned from me, being an overreacting fellow and exaggerating the situation even more scaring his poor fellow, my younger servant, Raphael.

The door soon closes and now I turn to Raphael who bows his head to me again.

"Let us leave the formalities for a moment shall we?" I ask through my frustration getting the best of me again.

"What is thy will?" He asks innocently.

I sigh inwardly, of all my secretaries, servants and allies he has to be the only one who is still untouched by malice.

My bright blue eyes bear into his green emerald ones, his eyes I often avoid because they remind me so much of her husband. I still wish he would have died, I would have been screaming in my mind (from joy) if I had been told instead that he came in a box.

"I want you to go the King's council and I want you to tell them, better yet advise them so _**I**_ won't sound to imposing, against the King's decision to lead his troops into battle."

"Yes sir" he says quietly and later nods, and turns heading to the door, but before the door is closed I add –"Make sure you say something that I in my right mind would NEVER say"

"Sir?"

I cut him off "Don't question my orders Raphael. Just do it!" I bark. He nods again submissively and the closes the door behind him.

I bury my head in my hands. The King does not know what he is doing, and I don't even know why I am here, here in all of places where I could be back in that dreadful Court in Whitehall Palace or if the Regent and Granvelle would have allowed me, in Annency or Antwerp.

I was not _supposed_ to be here since May, I was supposed to have arrived later around this very same day, but for some reason the Regent and Granvelle wanted me here early. I suspected it all had to do with the Duke of Bavaria's victories, and the broken betrothal between his eldest son and my master's youngest daughter, Infanta Joanna.

What had angered Charles and his family I suspected, was not so much the betrothal (inn my opinion not one at all, since no formal announcement had been made to the King, me and the Duchess only discussed it with the Queen) but the fact that the Queen herself in what she said was according to her husband's wishes (though I knew better, she had been instructed by Lady Rochford and of course her uncle from the letters she received from him) could not betroth one of the Tudor _most precious heirs_ to a Princess who had already been pre-contracted (as the foolish Queen referred to it) to John of Portugal.

I could remember milady's anger when she found out the Queen, on advice from her uncle, had rejected the proposal. The English had since angered my master greatly, he was willing to overlook the whole issue with the embargo the English had put over French goods, but this was too much.

I shared Charles' anger, but not because I wanted the Duke's sickly and pale son married to one of the most prominent women and heiress in Europe. It was because of the failure that Granvelle and the Regent accused me of. It was supposed to be my responsibility, and I can remember the Regent's words when sieur de Chantonnay (Granvelle's young son) came for a second time in England in mid September. He handed me the letter, and I could hear her screaming at me as I read the letter in the Embassy. She was not only accusing me of failure, she was threatened me to take of my pension, something I later replied she had not right to do for my sinecures are separate from my Government work. It didn't matter, she replied later, the month before I left England. She emphasized that with a snap of her fingers she could make sure that all the riches that I had acquired could be gone in an instant.

The woman was hungry for power as was my master, but sometimes I felt Mary of Hungary was fiercer than Charles. I preferred dealing with Charles than with that woman.

As I rest my head on my shoulder, I reminisce again to Annency.

I sigh closing my eyes.

There was no more beautiful place in the world.

What I would give to be in Annency. –I whisper to myself with its rich lakes, its pure and crystalline waters, and the lush green lands that cover all of the land.

How I yearned to be there, far from Engalnd, far from the battlefield and far from her and the intrigues of her foolish father's bloody Court.

Since I have come to Annency I found myself dreaming of Mary. When I would get my master's letters, all telling me how I was much needed and Granvelle in others rejecting my pleas, as the Regent, to replace me; I would find myself doing a quick reply and later going to bed –as soon as I would drift to the land of Morpheus- I would see her smiling at me, grabbing my hand we would walk close to the beautiful crystalline lakes of Annency.

I found her more irresistible when the sun would pour down on her like honey, making her seem like an angel. She would kiss me and our tongues would meet, my passion would overcome all my senses and I would make her mine and I could not help but to admit that I loved the feeling of her skin in my mouth, hearing her moans and later entering to state of pure ecstasy I would release myself in her. I told her that I loved her and she in turn whispered in my ear that she loved me, and that she wanted to be with me forever.

I loved her more than everything and everyone in this world. The passionate intercourse in my dreams, would make me realize in my dreams how much I was in need of her,

After our moment would end, so would my dream and I would wake up to find myself in bedroom, in Calais with no one to comfort or to comfort me but myself.

* * *

The next day that I had written to my master and the Regent, I received another visit, this time it was from an Imperial Ambassador like myself, De Courrieres who told me of his instructions from our master.

"_It is crucial Eustace_" –he'd said firmly _-"that we make one final effort to prevail on to the English King to remain at Calais. It is imperative that he does not join his army in Camp. His condition is not what worries me old friend, is his defiance to our master."_

According to this defiance, I told De Courrieres to be careful with the King of England when he goes to have an audience with him –or worse if his councilors are present.

"_How bad can it be my friend? Remember I was in England this year after Gonzaga left."_ I did not need him to remind me of this. We all knew that our master was getting frustrated and that time was running out. Since Piedmont had been lost, the French King had reinforced his defenses on Northern France. If De Courrieres thought he could make a difference with his eloquence, he would be in for a surprise.

I smiled to myself when I remembered telling De Courrieres how this King needed to be pampered, if he did not receive praises from our master or his councilors directly, he could never be satisfied. This seemed to displease my fellow Ambassador, who at heart hated praises especially if he was forced to. I had an idea as I leaned my back against the soft pillow that my servants (following every of my Physicians' directions) laid behind me on my bed; that the King being rather fond of ostentation would not take De Courrieres' presentation too kindly. But that was Courrieres, he was an intelligent and highly cunning diplomat, but the poor fellow liked to assume grandeur because of who our master was. Understandable, every other King in Europe had been afraid (or intimidated) of our Emperor. But those Kings had clearly never met or what they heard was not enough to fully comprehend, who was really the King of England.

He had asked me everything about the King's councilors, how should he act on them?

I thought back of the days which I had spent with the Princess and Bavarian Duchess. Those times had been very hard for us. We had to constantly look behind our backs to see if no one noticed our exchange of glances. It had been a true misfortune for her, I imagined when she miscarried, but I could not help but feel relieved when I heard because had the child been born, someone would have known. There were spies everywhere, I knew because I controlled a lot of them, but the Howards who were at the top now, controlled a great deal of them too and if they found out, this would ruin her reputation for sure. I could not bare that.

"_You should be careful Excellency with the Duke of Norfolk. His Grace is not as easy to please as the rest of the Lords. Your Grace the Duke of Suffolk is easy to get along with, as long as you show you have His Majesty's best interests at hand."_

"_The Duke of Norfolk had risen higher since last time I was in England. His niece's work no doubt"_ De Courrieres did not hide his dislike for the Howards for they were now considered the scourge in all Europe. The Duke had used one of his nieces before to get a good woman out of the way, and sit in her vacant throne, then he had used his own daughter marrying her to the late Fitzroy when the bastard boy was still in his prime. Now with the same formula he had risen higher than before.

They had gained many enemies at Court, I had reminded my colleague, and sooner or later that would come to bite them.

* * *

_"We associate innocence with children but we forget children are remnants of us. They are us, and they mature faster than us. They end up becoming us.  
Some children even learn to become us the more they are thrown into the intrigues of our world, that they soon learn to cheat, steal and lie to survive just like an adult would. We must not be scared, that is the human way to act after all, especially in brothers or sisters so close to the same age. They fight for territory, and when it is not enough they turned the fight on the parents and when they grow up on the world"_

**~Childhood innocence**_** by Anonymous**_

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

**Hever Castle:**

I was interested to see what _sieur de Chantonnay_ who had come to visit England again since his departure last September, had to say about my children. I was deeply sorry, I expressed, that the Queen had called off the marriage proposal between my son Philip, and the Infanta Joanna.

"I can only imagine how displeased the Emperor must have been" I said, still shaken with disbelief and anger as I remembered Kitty Howard summoning me and Eustace, telling us that it was most irresponsible of us to convene our own little Court (as the brainless Queen called it) without her advice.

What advice? I remember asking Eustace after our heated discussion, more like mine, with the Queen. Why should I take her advice in the first place? -The advice of a brainless woman who was not fit, in the least, to be Queen!

I had almost screamed to the woman that day. God, at least her cousin had a brain, an evil one but at least she knew what she was talking about, I hated to admit. Anne Boleyn must be rolling in her grave right now to see that her idiot of a young cousin has achieved what she never could, to keep the King's heart and her position.

Chantonnay unknown to me was said to be his father's spitting image. He was as I remembered a very handsome man, very handsome indeed and also courteous when he expressed that he would be most pleased to ride with me on the way to Hever to see my children. He had not asked me as other envoys had of my husband. I felt grateful to him for that. One less to worry, I smiled to myself as Chantonnay replied in the softest voice I had ever heard: "He is not angry, how could he ever be at his loving and loyal cousin?"

Cousin, not subject but cousin. Chantonnay implied that the Emperor did not regard me as his subject but as family, something that made me feel closer to him. I never had any friends at Court, even when I was the Princess, in the Imperial representatives I felt that I would always have allies, they also were my closest link to my cousin and the head of the family.

I never thought that this day would come, when I no longer thought to call my father the head of my family. These last years, he had proven to be nothing more than a monster. From the handsome Prince in Christendom he had turned into an old, bitter and power hungry monster. Elizabeth had to agree with me on that. I knew that she was going to be eleven this year, but she was cunning as our father. She could see right through him as I did. She knew what type of man he was? He had killed both our mothers. Sending my mother away into that damp castle that had been more like a prison for the rightful Queen of England, he had killed her slowly while Elizabeth's harlot mother had been killed off with one quick blow from the sword.

I abandoned my thoughts and my gaze switched from Chatonnay to my two sons playing on the new rug –courtesy of the Queen.

"Henry come here" I called to my youngest son.

"Yes mama" he said smiling, raising his arms to me. I brought him to sit on my lap.

I had been very worried that he would one day become the spitting image of his father, his real father, but to our good fortune (mine and Henry's) he bore too much resemblance to me, but I could see the start of the Chapuys' famous trademark expressions in his face. His nose was not mine, it had now become more pronounced like Eustace, and so where the shape of his eyes, exactly like Eustace's but I was grateful that their color were not his either for that would make the resemblance too obvious. He had the Tudor eyes, my eyes, dark grey and his skin color was the same as my father.

"Who is that?" Henry asked pointing his finger at Chantonnay looking at him curiously. I wanted to smack myself for not introducing the Imperial envoy earlier. How rude of me?

Chantonnay read my thoughts. He got from his chair and walked straight into our direction kneeling in front of Henry, completely ignoring Philip who became jealous of the special treatment his brother was getting.

"I am Thomas Perrenot, sieur de Chantonay" He extended his hand, Henry looked at him oddly.

Finally Henry decided to speak his eyes having a mistrustful glee to them that I did not like one bit. "I am Lord Henry" he said proudly with his chin up as I taught him.

"Would you do me the honor of shaking my hand milord?"

"Henry" I scolded "Shake his hand, he is being nice to you. You know I don't like this attitude from you. It is very rude to ignore our guests!"

"Yes mama" he said in a defeated tone. He took Chantonnay's hand and shook it quickly and soon after then took it away to cling to me. He seemed angry, almost disgusted that I made him do this.

I swore that Henry was becoming more and more like his father and his grandfather.

"You dress funny" he said to Chantonnay whom I asked myself when he began laughing, how could he put up with all of my son's cold glares and insolence?

I decided that after this awkward conversation was over, I would have a word with my son's Governess, Catherine Parr whom last I hard when we had arrived to Hever Castle, she told me she'd made great improvements on my son's behavior. Improvements indeed! I think sarcastically. No such thing was achieved. Henry was still his arrogant self.

"That is because these are my official robes. See the black and blue colors, also the red symbolize my allegiance to the Emperor"

My Henry still looked at Chantonnay with more distrust and I wanted to know why? I did not want to think ill of Lady Parr, she had been a great woman to my children, especially to Henry, but I knew she had Heretic sympathies and that could only mean one thing: she was teaching my child to distrust all of the Emperor's men. She had to, otherwise why would Henry be behaving in such a manner when he was known for being a sweet, caring child with the most humble behavior to all visitors, including strangers.

It pained me to see how much I did not know of them. My own children, they were like strangers to me, they were being raised and loved by others, and I would be forced to watch later how we grew further apart until we finally became completely strangers who only thing we shared were blood ties.

Chantonnay saying earlier before we arrived to Hever, how fond he was of children, tried harder with my son. "Do you want to try my ring? It was my father's whose father gave it to him"

He handed to Henry a small ring with an amethyst stone on it. Philip who saw it gasped, I was too impressed.

Henry however continued to eye him coldly.

"Why don't you try it? My father has a greater ring than this one, and an intelligent boy as you" he praised hoping this would gain him Henry's favor. "should have one"

"Amethyst should be worn by men of the cloth." Henry pointed out.

"Very good milord. But my father received it as a gift from his father who had served for many years the Church, and because he loved God so much they gave him this, and as I mentioned my father passed it now on to me, now I do it to you"

"Wouldn't the Church burn me?" I gasped. I have never felt more ashamed in my life, and so terrified that a nearly two year old could say such things! Who had been teaching him, I wonder, these horrible things of our faith. I could not bear to see Chantonnay now in the face, however his calm voice told me that he did not feel insulted at all.

"Do not believe everything they say about the faith. God's paths lead to many faiths, but our hearts lead us to the one true faith."

"That is right Henry" I tried to say "God lead us to the truth" I rephrased Chantonnay's phrase. Truth to be told I was afraid that there could be spied even here in my sons' household listening to everything we had to say. I knew that Cranmer and the rest of the council wanted their next Kings to be of their faith and loyal to their heresies. The Queen who had been as a champion of Catholicism, had now conveniently moved to be a strong supporter -in fact more than her staunchly heretic cousin- of the new faith. She personally had handpicked Lady Parr to be my sons' Governess because we all knew what her inclinations were.

Henry looked at me with my same eyes and nodded. He seemed to relaxed when I said it.

"Go on" he encouraged him the ring still in his fingers waiting for Henry to take it.

Henry took the ring, and put in on his middle finger.

"It looks big" Philip said coming next to where I was seated clinging on the chair's handle.

"No it does not" Henry said firmly.

"It looks perfect on you milord" Chantonnay said bowing his head at Henry and clapping later as me and Philip smiled at our little Lord.

Henry's gaze then fell on Philip who only made him feel more annoyed, and then to me whom he smiled to, and lastly at Chantonnay.

And just when I thought that Henry could not misbehave more, his looks turned irritating and he took the ring that the Imperial envoy gave him and placed it on his hand.

"Take it, the Queen and my Aunt Bessie can give me a better one. They always give me everything"

I decided that was enough of Henry's cold behavior. I did not want him to make Chantonnay feel uncomfortable so I settled him down and told him to continue playing with Philip.

I apologized for my son's behavior, but I could see from Chantonnay's frown that he didn't take my son's rude response too lightly.

We turned the conversation, to my chagrin, on my husband who had woken up since yesterday from the unconscious state he had been for weeks. He asked me how he was for the first time, I took my time to reply remembering Susan's advice, that I should never let my guard down for anyone, especially to strangers who said they were my allies.

I had long since learned in my father's Court, and thanks to Eustace how to mask my emotions. I had become a great actress, and this time it was no exception as I forced a sad smile on myself that made Chantonnay believe that I was a wife grieving and concerned for her husband.  
At this rate and with my hushed and broken voice, I realized, I could fool anyone, even my own father. I had certainly done a great job fooling Thomas Perrenot. He took me to be the poor, grieving wife, and not only that he expressed his sympathies for my situation lowering his voice so my children would not hear, and saying that my happiness would always be in his prayers.

* * *

I kept myself guarded at all times. Chantonnay claimed to be loyal to his master and to my father's interests. But you could not serve two masters. Chantonnay was a man of the Emperor, and he was also one like his father, Eustace told me, he would take advantage of every situation for his master's favor or his.

After we left Hever and I said to Lady Parr that she would expect another visit from me soon -something I saw she did not take too kindly, but I did not care for what she thought- in our carriage on our way to Hunsdson I told Gravenlle's second son thank you for tolerating my son's rudeness. It must have been irritating to him to be insulted, especially by a child, my child.

He shook his head vigorously.  
"He is just a child after all" he said. "I knew he would act this way. I am a stranger after all and my accent makes me somewhat untrustworthy to the child. Don't blame him for being cautious, it shows great leadership. If the Emperor can have ten Henrys, ten generals like him Madame we would have conquered France by now"

If only Henry would not have been so stubborn, he would have been delighted to hear this stranger praise him in such a way, out of the two, Henry was the only one who expressed interest in military history besides poetry, and music and of course philosophy. While Philip preferred only poetry and playing with his toys. I was worried on the latter. I could not take off my mind the looks of jealousy when Henry was being praised by me and Chantonnay.

After we arrived to Hunsdson at last I looked up at the sky. The sun was setting, we had arrived just on time. I told Chantonnay and I was ready to keep my promise, that as long as he stayed in England he would remain my guest of honor. I knew my _husband_ (I now thought with indifference) would not agree, but this was not his decision, this was mine. And he would do good to remember that this Household was still under my name and my property not this, that all of his good fortunes had been because of me.

While he was in the parlor holding a cane to help him walk, Dr. de la Sa had complained to me that my husband was most adamant not to use one, so I had to convince my lordship to do so; I hessitated to introduced our especial guest to him. I knew what he would say, but when he saw my murderous glare, he knew that he could not stand one more round against his wife. He was weak, and cane or not he needed me to help him get better, otherwise his worst fears (I knew) would become true and he would turn into another Chapuys, except he would just be a cheap copy for no one could be Eustace's equal.

"Ah Your Grace, it is an honor to see you at last. I hope you feel better now" Chantonnay said bowing to Philip. Unlike Philip, Granelle's son was always the gentleman.

"My leg hardly hurts but you see me I am forced to use this horrible cane"

"Nothing to be ashamed of Philip, I find the cane enhances your image. Braver men have used canes" I said grabbing his hand "Honey let us show kindness to our guest" I said sweetly drawing a forced smile from my husband. It disappeared when his gaze shifted to Chantonnay.

Philip eyed him with the same coldness as Henry had earlier.

I caressed his hand with my fingertips, the way a temptress would to ease her prey. And I succeeded, Philip forced himself to smile. _Poor Philip_, I thought. _He is really trying to please me, and to please himself. _He must be thinking that this situation would soon end, that I will soon return to his arms like a damsel in distress and let him ravage me with his word. He does not know me at all, he _never _did.

"Monsieur ..." Philip beckoned Thomas to sit in front of us. He'd said it in perfect French knowing that Chantonnay would not take it kindly, however Chantonnay proved to be his father's son and a worthy diplomat as Eustace had often said of him in his letters to my cousin, as he continued to smile showing his perfect white teeth to Philip.

Thomas Perrenot replied in perfect French as well, and managed to impress us as he spoke the language that the yeomen class of Frenchmen spoke in Gascony, thanking Philip for his generosity, something -he said- he now considered himself a fool to expect for the Empire often loved to portray Germans as devils.

I pressed my lips tightly together. I could almost hear Philip's mind throwing insults at him. How daring! He was worthy of every praise of Eustace, never had the Emperor send a more qualified man to stand up the English Court, and above all to Philip.

I looked to Philip whose eyes had darkened. I squeezed his hand to remind him of what his outburst could cause to England and to us. The Empire and England had enough trouble in their alliance as it were, I did not need Philip to ruin it even more with Chantonnay reporting on my husband's lack of control.

Thankfully Philip did not do anything but sit still and listen to all the praises that Chantonnay had to say to **ME.**

It must have infuriated Philip to hear that the so called master of the house was not even being regarded at all, and that Chantonnay was praising a woman, a woman whom he implied was of higher standing than any of the people present at Court and in my house.  
After Chantonnay was finished, like he was in his own house -for I assured him my home would always be welcome any who were at ther service of my cousin and the Empire- he shot up and expressed that he was tired and would enjoy to be shown to his rooms.

Philip's anger amused more when he got to his feet and released himself from my grasp.

"I will do it" He said walking to Chantonnay who was up as well.

The Imperial envoy smiled at me and then at Philip whom he said with a sympathetic tone, almost laughing -"Your Grace is very ill, you have just woken up yesterday, I am sure that your loving wife can be more than happy to show me to my rooms"

"No" Philip cut him off quickly in a gruff voice coughing violently, and making me feel even more sorry for him. Pity was registered in Chantonnay who returned his expression to neutrality when Philip looked at him again, his emerald eyes bearring deeply into Chantonnay's dark green ones. "I will show you to your rooms, please Monsieur it is my honor and my hospitality that must be shown. I insist"

"Of course" Chantonnay said expressing delight in spite of the harsh tone that Philip was using.  
I knew how Philip's mind worked. Since yesterday when he woke up, he had told me that he loved me, and upon seeing the disappointment in my face and when I told him that I was expecting an Imperial Envoy to come with me to visit our children, I could see his broken face. It wasn't the scars that hurt him, it was the reminder that I no longer loved him, that all his war effort that he claimed had been to win my heart back had been in vain.

Yes, it was. I loved Philip once, or so I thought but now that I look back at the two men in my life I realized, that out of the two only one could keep my heart and that had turned out to be Eustace Chapuys, the Ambassador who had come from Annency to answer my mother and my plight at a time when all seemed lost. He made me feel that I could reach the stars, that I could one day become Queen and that nothing was impossible. He lied, he cheated and he was not angel that was clear, but who was? He had been there for me, wasn't that enough to justify my love for him?

I pictured Philip for the rest of his life stuck in that horrible cane, reminding him that he was closer now to the man he hated, the man I loved. I wondered whether the thought of Eustace and me together came into his head while he was away fighting for my father and the Emperor whom he made no secret now with Chantonnay, he despised. The puritanical like my husband often suffer from acute imagination in these matters, I believe. He would have been most uncomfortable and obsessed by his visions of me and Eustace making love behind his back, rejoicing as we said each others names, followed by moans and his hands roaming every part of my body. Poor husband. Did he in his heart feel reproachful toward God after waking up, for not making the reconciliation he hoped for when he saw my disappointed face?

* * *

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***Chapuys did not arrive as I put here in this AU before June, he arrived to Calais in July 20th.  
*His meeting with the King on mentioned date, was also depicted here, and his plea to Granvelle and the Regent, his last words on the letter were actually HIS words from the letters we have of him from the Spanish Calendar, I also recommend you search through the British Archives if you want, though resumed they contain a lot of information. The dissertation from Austin to this day I found the most helpful to better understand the political situation that was going on in the later part of Chapuys' diplomacy, also to understand more on the Italian wars from 1542-1546 and the political intrigue.  
*The Embargo mentioned had to do with a situation in 1543 were the English started to boycott everything French, and salt herrings that were much needed to be exchanged for wine for the troops, were confiscated at Bordeaux later at Dover, though the Emperor managed to convince Henry VIII to stop this boycott and allow for safe passage of merchants, this created strain between the two nations.  
*The Duke (Suffolk) btw arrived on late June before Henry VIII on Calais to make sure the army would begin to mobilize and Henry's decission where he said he preferred to move to Normandy was because Normandy was closer to Engalnd and it was all a matter of strategy, and then again Henry knew that Charles was not to be trusted.  
*There is a special reason for Chantonnay's third AU visit here. Historically as mentioned in this chapter his last visit was dated September of 1543 his first being in July 2nd of that same year and he left early, he didn't stay too much and he seemed more successful ensuring a more promising alliance between the Emperor and Henry, thought this quickly was dissolved in December over the issue as I mentioned before of the embargo that Henry placed on French goods. The political relation of England and the Empire was not all stable as they would make us believe, it constantly had its ups and downs with Henry changing the terms of agreement and the Emperor putting his conditions as well. If you have figured out the reason for his (Thomas Perrenot, sieur de Chantonnay) visit you will get cookies!**

**A/N: That is all for now, there will be more instances where you will see politics play a great part in this story.**

**You know the drill **

**kk,**

**REVIEW!**

**~Carolina**


	40. Release me from this Purgatory

**Disclaimer: I don't own everything, certainly not the Tudors, Showtime that would make me more like God and a millionaire producer.**

_A/N:Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, you guys are great. Celebrating labor day getting some things done and re-editing the future chapters for AW, we are getting closer to the climax :D !_

_This chapter will deal mostly with Chapuys, I will post the future chapter of his return to England if I get enough reviews._

_Without further ado I leave you with the chapter, thanks Danie for the song, I really suggest you hear while you read this chapter, Carnival of Rust by Poets of the fall.  
_

_~Carolina ^_^  
_

* * *

_"D' you breath the name of your savior in your hour of need,_  
_n' taste the blame if the flavor should remind you of greed,_  
_Of implication, insinuation and ill will, till' you cannot lie still,_  
_In all this turmoil, before red cape and foil come closing in for a kill_

_Come feed the rain_  
_Cos I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust_

_Yeah feed the rain_  
_Cos without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust_

_It's all a game, avoiding failure, when true colors will bleed_  
_All in the name of misbehavior and the things we don't need_  
_I lust for after no disaster can touch us anymore_  
_And more than ever, I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before_

_Come feed the rain..._

_Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the world is burning_  
_Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the heart is yearning"_

**~"Carnival of Rust" by Poets of the Fall  
**

* * *

**(Chapuys POV)**

_**1544,**_** August 2nd.**

**St. Omar**

I have traveled all the day to a camp near the one the King is at. My gout has been getting worse and I am in constant pain and write with that same singularity I am now afflicted by, to the Regent and the Emperor, and their channel through which I communicate, Granvelle to get my out of here for the sake of my health and what little mercy they have left. The Regent does not want to let this veteran go, and neither does the Emperor who trusts me more (for good reason) than De Courrieres who is forced to be my intermediary in this war and act on my behalf sending my replies to His Majesty, and to the Emperor pleading for my retirement. On the latter I have received no word and doubt I will get one soon.

* * *

**August 6t-7th**

A day has passed since I was transferred to my new purgatory in His Majesty's camp near Boulogne, _"not without -_as I wrote to Granvelle and the Regent- _much bodily fatigue"_

I keep sending letters to Granvelle reporting of my my encounters and conversations with De Courrieres and with His Majesty's secretary Paget, with whom we had a long interview. I cannot believe the nerve of Paget and the rest of the English Councilors! Suggesting that His English Majesty outranked the Regent and could influence the Emperor faster than the speed the wind blew? It was utterly ridiculous. I could not stand being close to camp anymore -and so close to the battlefield!

At any moment the enemy could come. The Dauphin, Henri Valois possess strong forces and he is an excellent military leader from what Granvelle has implied, he could crush the King's army anytime.

De Courrieres is a good and honorable man, and a very intelligent one too. But he lacks wisdom and malice. The latter of which you need to survive in the English Court, especially with a King in need of constant pampering like this one.

_King_! I thought. No man was never more undeserving of such title as Henry Tudor. I went to bed, it was a small cot, and it made my back ache in pain, I felt that I was sleeping on rocks, and the constant sound of the men -all eager to cease Bolougne- made my sleep more uncomfortable.

I awoke after I fell asleep after hours that I struggled to, not remembering where I was. Then it dawned to me seeing the shadows of the dancing men around the fire hearth they made. Everyone was overjoyed by the King's declaration that he'd made early this morning.

"By God and St. George we shall conquer" he'd told his troops and they all cheered. They followed their King like obedient sheep, as if he was the messiah himself coming to deliver them from the evils of the Empire and its "old and decadent church" I wrote back to the Regent. She is not happy with the slow progress I made, but what more can I do? I want to tell her. I have nothing more to give but plead to the King not to lead his troops, his ulcer and his growing obesity are proof of his poor leadership, but to the people it seems, his soldiers, he is a symbol and I find myself hating him for it.

What is it -I ask myself constantly as I lay awake- that makes men fall in love with such figures, that in my opinion are not worth of love or praise? They are wasting their saliva for a King that would father sacrifice his own men, as long as it won him victories in France.

I have never seen war, but my ears have been witnessed to the horrors of it by my Master who is also afflicted by gout -a great obstacle to his desire of riding with the rest of his cavalry to advance further into the heart of France, the city of Paris- and I now abhor it, with all my heart I do.  
I would give anything to be back at Annency, to my childhood when the world did not feel as it was burning. I would give anything, I say unconsciously, to be with milady in her bed next to her warm body and feel the touch of her lips against mine, and her fingers searching my whole body as I tell her how much she means to me, leaving nothing to rest.

I let these last thoughts die as sleep comes to me again. I plead to God one more time, to take me out of this madness.

* * *

**September 4th.**

I have spent the last five days** on more pressing matters** with His Majesty, urging along with De Courrieres and Turcoise (the Regent's "godsend" as De Courrieres calls him) that it was very important that we know where the King stands in this whole matter, and what are his views on the Emperor's intention to negotiate peace with France.

Now that the Emperor has defeated Francis in Piedmont and he advanced further into the heart of France, **everything** has changed. Francis himself, his heart filled with fear I suspect is the reason why he sent Admiral D'Hannebault to meet with my master and begin the peace negotiations, but the Emperor has made it clear -against his sister and his Generals' who are eager to invade France, wishes- that he will not agree to nothing until he hears from Henry what is his opinion on the whole matter.

Since three days ago I told His Majesty of the Admiral's arrival and the Emperors' intentions. Finally yesterday the King ceased to keep us from delaying our message to the Emperor about his intentions, however when the articles of what he intended the conditions be to France's surrender, I found them to be very exorbitant.

"Exceedingly harsh" were how I described them when I wrote back to my master. _Indeed_, even De Courrieres thought. _"The King of England wants to punish France simply because he thinks himself God"_

_"Careful"_ I told De Courrieres yesterday. _"Remember he is the Head of the Church and he can do whatever he wants, because that is how the people see him, as God."_

_"Most unholy notion this is. You would never see this in the Empire"_

_"Really?"_ I challenged_ "We put our faith in a man who is the Holy Representative of Christ himself, we regard his word as law. No one can dispute him, except another man with greater earthly power than him, that man you and I call master"_

Besides the wait that finally ended after the King gave to his secretary, who in turn gave it to me, his demands of France's surrender, there is another thing on my mind since yesterday when I saw these demands -and that was my constant worry over my health. It is not good and it is only getting worse by the stress and fatigue I am forced to stand the more I remain in this purgatory. I plead my case before the Emperor in the vain hope that he will listen, but as I said to His Majesty countless times, he will listen to no one save the Regent and Granvelle. You control Granvelle -De Courrieres tells me- you control the Emperor. I am beginning to think by the lack of answer of answer I receive from Granvelle, that this is true.

September will be a very long month, and soon was coming the day where I would see how right I was.

* * *

**September 20th**

**Boulougne:  
**

After I told my master of the exorbitant demands that the English Monarch was making against their enemies, he sent the Bishop of Arras, another one of Granvelle's son, Antoine de Perrenot. Granvelle was so convinced of his son's success that he sent him without proper training or words of advise before he was presented to the King stating that unless it was very plain that His Majesty wishes the war to continue, he should agree to the Emperor's own demands that each Country should sign a separate peace treaty with the King of France.  
The latter, to my colleagues' shock, agreed -so far if the separate peace he and Charles sought would not interfere with their friendship.

But the King of England I tried explaining to Granvelle's ambitious son was fickle, and his mood swings were already wide known in Europe. He soon changed his mind after the surrender of Boulogne, imprisoning in their own Embassy, the French officials after he received notice of the Emperor's intention to sign a peace treaty, ending all hostilities with France. The document was argued to be signed on the 18th, and today I received a letter from the Regent confirming this to the King of England.

I do not understand this man, nor I try to. I have given up trying to decipher him and the rest of his wolves. He is nothing but a pampered child, he thinks of himself as God and he wants to control and play with everyone, as if we were their toys. I did not let any emotion be seen when he summoned me and the other Imperial envoys, shouting at us that the terms of the French surrender were unfair, and that he considered it unfair. First that the Emperor had proposed to France that as a sign of their new friendship, he should withdraw all troops from the battlefield, and help him repel the Turks that were threatening Charles' domains, and last but not least (what caused more ire to His Majesty) was the pressing matter over the betrothal between the Duke of Orleans and the daughter of the Duke of Savoy.

I reminded His Majesty that he had agreed to the notion of a separate peace with the Bishop, we were all there, including his Secretary Paget, there was no way of denying it. But for Henry there was. If he said the sky was blue, it was blue not because it was, but because he said so. And now he said that no such words had come out of his mouth, that no one had informed him of such hideous acts, and this was treasonous.

I laugh now when I entered the small room where I was confined to write back to the Emperor. I had never seen the English Monarch so distraught and I wonder to myself -are all the English destined to be this dependent on their God Henry? God I hoped not, for what is worth I hope that the two sickly male heirs he has in his son, and in milady's son will not commit the same mistake as their King, forcing the people to see them as Gods.

I blow the last candle extinguish the light from my room. With a little luck, using De Courrieres' expression, I tell myself, the King would change his mind and he would accept my master's treaty with the enemy. We all want this dreadful war to end, nobody wants any more battles except the English King. He only cares about his fame, he doesn't care about his people unless it is to strengthen his power.

* * *

**September 25th - 30th.**

The King let the French Cardinals and the Ambassadors go back to Paris, when we received news that the Dauphin was coming to siege Montreuil that Henry had taken, the King stood from his throne room alert and declared that his army would be called back to defend Montreuil and fight for Bolougne. The fighting would continue, despite the Emperor promised to cease hostilities with France, despite Francis I promised that he would leave his differences with the King aside and that he would respect the desired peace with Henry.

The King does not care! I don't care anymore about this land, about this war, I just desire nothing more than an early retirement, to be back into the beauty that I have been missing for months, to see the color of my home rivers, pure and clean and not dirty and filled with red, the color of blood and death that I have been witnessed in this camp! It is too much for me, I am not what I once was, I am an old man and I would not mind old age, had it not been for my gout and my violent coughs at night where Fleming is forced to call on my physician and I feel humiliated, and I am taken by anger. I am treated like a child, now the physician tells me I might need another cane.

It is too much!

I feel like everything I am doing is not enough, and I keep imploring the Regent and my master to release me from this hell, this purgatory where they force me to stay, where I must remain loyal. I feel useless, and I feel death each time closer.

I had always had the certainty that I would chose my battles, that this profession would not be the death of me, but that notion changed when I landed in England. It became my death.

I was ignorant as to what the King was really planning or why he wanted to keep me in the Continent along with Arras, Turcoise and De Courrieres when he left for England. They all assisted me, bringing me reports of the King's councilors or his secretary Paget, when I was unable to attend because of the excruciating pain that I would sometimes find myself every morning.

The final day of September came and I called on to my master, telling him, reminding him all at once of what he promised me, that once he would cease all hostilities with France, that he would find a replacement for me in England. But I realize that there is little hope for me to be substituted, the Emperor needs someone he can trust, someone with years of experience and De Courrieres, smart as he is cannot be my replacement, he himself has says so, complaining constantly to me that he can't single handed deal with the situation anymore. And there was still much for us to do, and for me to report. I was his eyes and ears, he said in his last letter, and I feared the only way for me to escape my torment, was through a box.

* * *

When early October came and a garrison of 4,000 men were left at Boulogne, the rest, including me and the King's councillors as De Courrieres left for Calais. I felt somewhat relieved, this was one big step and the King promised that an agreement would be reached so. I found myself praying to God for the first time, with such fervor that surprised me, that this meant that I would soon be allowed to leave this place, and the intrigues of the King's Court forever.

But I was busy as ever in Calais, more than at Boulogne. I was kept in constant communication with the King's councilors, especially with Bishop Gardiner who came shortly after Turcoise, and he tells me grave news of the Duchess of Bavaria. He tells me that things have not fared better with her sons and the Queen.

November came and went, nothing uneventful happened. Negotiations continued. Arras came the month before to press the King's councilors, but he achieved nothing, the way he behaved himself at his first conference since Boulogne was in a very arrogant manner, and I couldn't help but smirk at his attitude afterward when the rest of the Council laughed at Granvelle's son's foolishness.

It was during the end of the November that I convinced the Councilor to exert authority over the King, I recalled how in matters of great urgency they had the power to act as _de facto _government. They all looked at me like I was speaking treason, I told them that I wasn't. I gave them many valid reasons why they must heed my advice. As more money was spent in the King's ventures, England and the Empire were loosing patience. The King could not fight France forever, and the King saw this and he finally wrote to his Councilors, I suspected to tell them they could act on his behalf to reach a truce with France.

I was disappointed that it would not be the peace treaty my master desired from Henry, but it did not matter, this meant I would soon be leaving this place. My spirits soared. I was hopeful.

Bishop Gardiner was there when December came. He told me how angry he was at the way the "rightful Princess" of England was being mistreated by the Queen and her sister, and ignored by her husband in her requests to see her children, "so she writes" he told me.

I briefly thought of her sons when the Bishop told me of them, of the younger he said, he was the brightest pupil in all of England, Gardiner went on even to boast on his cleverness with the example of how he had debated in perfect Greek with Archbishop Cranmer and his grandfather over the validity of the Oath of Supremacy. I raised my eyebrows that a child so young, could leave everyone with their mouths agape, and most shocking was that the King had not expressed any anger. "He swung the boy in the air, and he carried him, despite his wife telling him not to do so because of his poor condition, to sit next to him on the High table"

"And the Duchess?" I could not help but ask. "What did she do?"

"What else could she do? But look and see, it was her husband who was called to join them along with their eldest son, the Lord Philip Tudor-Wittelsbach whom I must say gave us all quite a scare, the council did not tell you so I will tell you quickly, but if they ask you did not hear it from me" I nodded. He then sighed passing a hand through his short gray hair where his black cap rested on top.

"The poor child became very ill, more than the Prince Edward did in these last years, and they all prayed for his health, surprisingly the King did not. He spent the entire time comforting his youngest grandson. Rumors were that he was planning to give Henry a duchy if his older brother were to die, fortunately the tot lived. It was disturbing though, now more than ever they all guard Lord Philip afraid that he might die."

I discovered the improbable sadness that I now felt at contemplating the body of the Duchess next to her dying and eldest son, Philip. I could feel her tears as my forehead began to release cold sweat after the Bishop Gardiner finished his little anecdote. The thought of Mary crying was becoming unbearable, I was thankful when Gardiner changed the conversation.

"It is very disturbing the way she talks about her husband. I realize he is a heretic, but even she must realize the danger of speaking against her husband. A woman should not defy her husband in public, I thought she knew better" he says wryly shaking his hand in disapproval. I am forced to nod, but inside I feel proud for her actions. She is truly the granddaughter of Isabel of Castilla and daughter of Katherine of Aragon, who in the same fashion defied her husband for her soul's sake.

I know what milady is doing, and I know that she is foolish, buts he is doing what any good wife and mother should do when her sons' souls are in danger.

"The Duchess of Bavaria and rightful Princess" I declare boldly "is a woman like her mother. She fights for her beliefs, but she also fights with her heart, give her time."

The Bishop nods and gives me a small smile. He is of our faith, but he is also a pragmatist. He has a great opinion of milady because she has still a lot of Catholic followers, despite the North has fallen pray to the harlot's daughter's spell. That bastard brat, the Bishop shares my opinion, is a great problem, and now that she has greater influence over her nephews' education, more than their own mother, she poses a danger to England's future.

"England is a Country of heretics. Men like me would soon die for our beliefs than for our honesty."

I agree.

"Unless" the Bishop continues "there were more who recognized the Duchess to be rightful heir to the throne after Edward, England can be returned back to the papacy, and delivered from the clutches of the devil" He spoke with such fervor that I could not help but grin to his comment.

England was plagued by devils, and only Mary could eliminate them all, but for that she needed to take Philip out of the way, for that I had made her sign an agreement, a secret treaty were Bavaria would return to the Papacy and would pledge allegiance to the Emperor. People can call me an opportunist, but I did what needed to be done to deliver one of Germany's greatest provinces from the devil and back into God's hands. The same will be done with England. The King and his sickly son to follow cannot ignore the place in the line of the succession. She is destined to become Queen, and once she does, I know she will deliver England the same way she will do with Bavaria, from the devil's hands.

Her husband will not be able to interfere in this holy task.

"What do you think of this matter? You have been awfully quiet Excellency"

My grin turns wider thinking of all the array of possibilities spanning from milady becoming Queen, a just and virtuous Queen just as I always thought she would be.

"The Isle will be blessed once she becomes the Lady of the Land. England, God be willing, shall be ruled by a Queen."

"Aye" the Bishop says "It is God's will"

"And God's will be done. But sometimes his will needs a little push when there is dangerous devils at work trying their best to halt His holy work" I say becoming deathly serious. Many of these devils I add, are people of her own family.

* * *

**December 23**

**London:  
**

_"We request that you as earnestly as we can, if the state of your health will permit, to take the trouble of again going to England to remonstrate with the King and make him understand the justification of our answer to his Ambassadors ... to your experience in treating with the King and councilors, and last but not least to the well know dexterity ... with which to our great satisfaction and contentment you have hitherto managed affairs of this sort"_

I folded the letter. I would respond to it later. I was very disappointed, but not surprised when I was sent back to England. A replacement had already been picked by my master, the Flemish Francois van der Defelt who was very experienced at the Courts of Brussels and the rest of the Imperial Courts where he had attended and met very interesting figures. I heard good things about him, shrewd, cold and calculate, the perfect man to take on the Court of England. The perfect man, I tell myself feeling regret, to be** her** friend.

Despite all his experience, he has none in England, and I needed to assist him. It was not a question, this was an order I could not refuse and the Emperor assured me that as soon as Francois would get installed and acquire enough experience, that I would finally leave and live off my pension and sinecures. For my sake, I hope he speaks the truth this time.

The first person I saw when I arrived in Whitehall was Francois, and though I tried to keep the smile in my face, I could not help but frown and let my guard down (something that had never happened before) and my replacement noticed it. I mentally cursed myself and cursed Francois and his Secretary, Dubois. The latter unlike Fleming he was a man who had more experiencing and he knew how to read people, he was for the lack of better words, a good and patient observant.

After I told Francois what he needed to know about England, he left my quarters along with his Secretary.

"What now?" Fleming asked, followed by Raphael who voiced his concerns of my prolonged stay in England. They knew my health was in decay, and that I would soon need another cane, or help of someone, most likely either of them, to help me walk. It stung that I would have to see HER this way.

"We wait" Was all I could answer them.

When morning came, I felt the sunlight hitting my eyes, and I forced them up. I had not closed the drapes of my window, I instantly regretted it. I hated the sunlight, especially in winter when its brighter. It hurts my eyes, and I raise my palm to cover them from the annoying sun rays but I can still feel my eyes burning. I do not call my servants to dress. I do not need any assistance, and even if I did I do not want it.

I grab my cane, and before Fleming and Raphael can protest I held my free hand up and tell them that I will travel alone this time, their duties for the day have ended. I desire nothing more than to see her, even if it is only for official business. More than ever I want to see her face, I want to see if the rumors are true. If her heart has hardened for all that has happened, to herself, between her husband, the conflicts with the Queen, her sister, her father and finally with her younger son, our younger son -I remind myself feeling guilty.

Fleming had told me, and other of my spies confirmed this, that the Duke of Bavaria was not here. He was currently at Hunsdson and with her children, something they all said, had wounded her deeply.

I begin to knock, softly and then loudly earning a response. The door opens and I see her face. She has not changed, the rumors are not true, and I feel a sigh escaping from my lips. Her bouncing curls with every movement she makes, even if it is only to lift her arm, her fingers going around my face and through my hair, to make sure that I am still the same Eustace Chapuys. I look in her eyes to see if there is disappointment, or disgust at seeing me so broken, and to my relief there is none. But I don't wish to delude myself anymore. She has many false notions about me, that she might not be thinking clearly as she says "I missed you"

She let me in closing the door behind us, and beckoned to sit in the comfortable sofa where she had been sitting early, waiting patiently for my return. She told me she never lost hope, that she told herself countless times that she was a fool to do so, but part of her made her believe that I would return, that I would never leave her.

I stay silent, letting her continue. "I discovered from Bishop Gardiner when he came two days ago, that you supported my cause, that you spoke with such passion when you said that I could rid England of all its heresies" She finishes holding my hand and driving it to her chest.

She is still beautiful wearing green, pearls hanging from her square neck-line, and her earrings are the same I remembered her by before I left.

"England needs a capable ruler" is all I can say.

She smiles at this. I am happy to see her smile, but the motive for my visit is not all for my pleasure or hers, I need to tell her.

She must have noticed my concern, for she asks me later "Eustace" her voice turns firm "What is going on?"

"Do you know about Francois van der Defelt's arrival?" I ask in a neutral tone.

"Yes I was told by sieur de Chantonnay weeks ago before he left, he said that he was coming to assist you on the negotiations for peace between France and England"

"Is that all he said?" I say no longer hiding the irritation in my voice. She is still that innocent girl I met at Hatfield all those years ago. It still seems like yesterday when she asked me for her mother. Time has been cruel to the both of us. She was forced to grow and leave her idyllic life to serve a sister she later came to trust, and now for her ingenuity and failing to see the malice of that sister, she now suffers. And to me, time has been most cruel. It has made me age considerably, I like decrepit, sick and worn. How is it possible that she still looks at me with that tender look? How is it even possible, I cannot conceive it, that she loves me?

She shrugged her shoulders, unaware where this was getting. "Why would he say anything else? Eustace what is this really about?"

I cannot keep this charade any longer. The truth can't be known. What we had must remain a secret. We had made love countless times, and all for her sake to hear me say I love you.

I finally announce the inevitable and afterward I will watch her world crumble, and she will tell me how I forgot the promise we made, the countless times our bodies met, that I would never leave her, that I would stay with her to the end of times. I promised her, and sealed that promise with a kiss. She gave a sorrowful moan, when she said how much she loved me, and that she would always remember that promise.

Now I will shatter her illusions. I want to be strong when I say this, for all that matters now is this sentence, only this sentence and it will all be over.

One last sentence (I thought as I feel a lump in my throat) to end the world. "I am leaving in three months time"

* * *

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***Eustace left in more than three months time in real life, for the purpose of this story I had to change that.  
**

***The dates and events he mentions are accurate, and in fact the letter from the Emperor in the beginning where he returns to London, is taken from the actual letters, though I only let certain parts be seen, if you want to see more of Chapuys' letters feel free to PM Dani (SSLE) or me, or if you want to know about the whole political situation that took place during the second phase of the Italian Wars (1542-1546)**

***Francois' departure for England was done with the purpose as Chantonnay in my fic explains to Mary, to continue the negotiations of a peace between France and England, but the Emperor had told Chapuys since November that a replacement had been found for him, unlike in this fic where the Emperor does not tell him until December.**

**A/N: There were so many events and places that I wanted to include about the Italian Wars because now that I am taking history classes about wars, I have become deeply fascinated, and it goes beyond the dissertation, with them. But I had to resume it because overall the theme of this story is chary not the Italian Wars.  
**

**You know the drill!**

**Review!**

**~Carolina  
**


	41. Veritas Temporis Et Fillia

**Disclaimer: Really? ^_^ If I owned everything than that would make me God, and that is the least I want.**

**A/N: Here is your server Carolina again saying hello and thanks to everyone who has read and actually reviewed my fic, I really appreciate it, and also today is the celebration of 200 years of Mexican independence, and remembering the people who made the movement possible, I decided to do my own tribute to them and to all the people who have supported this fic, I cannot thank you enough for all the great brainstorm and support, and of course reviews to everyone who has been involved! Thank you so much, the quote below is inspired by the many new wave of Mexican scholars who are trying to create a more humanistic portrayal of historical characters.**

**Part of their work though I have drawn inspiration from it, I decided to go my own way doing my own research and going with my own view trying to think just like what I think the characters might have thought back then, if they were under this situation, so I leave you with this story, don't skip we are getting near to the end, this has been a great ride, so keep sticking around!

* * *

  
**

_"Melinda was mine 'til the time that I found her  
Holding Jim  
And loving him  
Then Sue came along, loved me strong, that's what I thought  
But me and Sue,  
That died, too.  
Don't know that I will but until I can find me  
A girl who'll stay and won't play games behind me  
I'll be what I am  
A solitary man  
A solitary man  
I've had it here - being where love's a small word  
A part time thing  
A paper ring  
I know it's been done having one girl who loves you  
Right or wrong  
Weak or strong"_

**~"_Solitary Man"_ by Johnny Cash**

**

* * *

**

Mary could not believe her ears. What was this he was suggesting? She had waited for him, prayed that he came so her personal endurance with Philip would not have been in vain, and now he wanted to give it all up? Because he is afraid Mary, and he has reason to! Her mind screamed.

The only problem with this fantasy was that Eustace did not want to be convinced of her arguments, she begged him to say, saying that she needed him as much as he needed her.

He assured that his replacement -Van der Defelt- could assist her. She did not doubt Francis Van der Defelt's political skills, but the Flemish Ambassador did not have the experience that Eustace had. His secretary was not as skilled or quick to read the people in this Court as Fleming or Eustace's eldest secretary he had inherited from her mother –Montoya.

"Milady have compassion for my health, just look at me" Mary who was sitting in the armchair next to her window jerked her head around to face him. She saw the signs of physical decay in him, his hair had been losing the brownish color she had been used to for so many years, and he could barely stand on his two feet without the support of his heavy cane.

She saw the toll it took him to walk, even with the support of the cane he despised. She was not aware of it, and thank God for he would have expected a sermon of her otherwise, that he hated himself for it. He felt hat he had failed his master, and himself. He vowed never to show pity, and more importantly never to be the subject of such –but it was impossible when his face reflected the signs of pain and degradation that he'd suffered at the hands of Granvelle and the Regent's request to assist his successor (Francois) in the quest to convince Henry to accept the terms of the French surrender, and make peace with them.

"Of course" she replied, "I am not a monster, I am aware that you are suffering, but be a reasonable man. Don't you think that by leaving you leave me in a more vulnerable position than before? The restoration of my rightful place after my brother means nothing!"

"Mary" he replied, meekly enough unable to pull his gaze away from hers. "look at your argument, look at the lack of rationale in it. You are already on thin ice with Philip" he spat the man's name as if it was something to cause disgust, "because of your past relationship with me, and there could be members that suspect of an extramarital affair"

Mary looked profoundly shocked. They had been so careful, who could suspect?

As if he read her mind, he voiced the names of all the men her husband had befriended.

Mary shook her head immediately, jumping from her seat in outrage. Philip would never conspire against her to put their children ahead of her. Why would he do that? What would he gain? Philip and Henry had their own mindset, and nothing her husband did could change them, especially (she thought with a little dismay) Henry –whose mind was an indomitable beast. That boy had a mind of its own, and nothing she or Philip or his brother for that matter could say, would change his mind once an idea popped into that little head of his.

"If you fail to recognize the delicate situation you are in right now. The heretics are against you, and they have no fear of you anymore now there has been a shift in the Yorkist crowd that now support your sister. They do not expect you to survive, and if you are made Queen, they know the consequences of their actions against you, they are not going to run the risk of having their power taken from them"

"There will be no need. When my father was with the Harlot they tried pushing me aside from my father's favor but without success. I was able to take them then, I can take them now" she said, her mood lightening as she thought of the many times she triumphed over her father's court of heretics.

"You are being irrational Madame, this will not end well, better than anyone from your father's experience with his wives, you should have learned that already"

Mary rolled on his words ignoring every statement he made. "I am pleading to you do not throw me to the wolves, please I am helpless if you" she glanced up at him, locking her dark blue eyes with his mesmerizing lighter blue. "I want you here, I need you" she cried one last attempt to convince him, but it was useless. His mind was made up.

"Mary I can't continue this, we are going to destroy ourselves. And Philip already suspects that much, we should have never agreed that you signed over Bavaria to the Emperor"

"I am much the Duchess as he is the Duke" she said firmly.

He sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. How to explain her when she did not want to see reason?

"No one will take your side. His family will view this as a betrayal from your part, they will press harder for the Duke to divorce you, worse to convince you to give up your rights to the throne after your brother, Prince Edward"

"They will not, as long as I have support from the North –"

He cut her off "The North is now in the hands of your sister, and the Queen who turned out to be smarter than we thought. She went to make amends with Sir Richard, with the Yorkists citizens, your sister charmed them, you did not. If you would have only listened to me, and acted civil. All the Queen was trying to do was bring you back along with your siblings into the King's good graces"

Chapuys wanted to shout at his lover. Was she so blind with her self-pride that she did not see the danger she was in? Her husband was tiring of her, and so was her father, no different from any of his wives, they would dispose of her if she continued to rebel against their rules.

Mary shakes her head and starts to pace back and forward as she raised himself from his seat and walks in her direction. "Since the beginning you knew that the King, would never accept your part in your children education. Now you are living with the consequences Madame, you have no say in their upbringing, the King and Queen take care of them, and when your oldest child was sick you were barred from his rooms, the minute he was moved to Hunsdson, to see or talk to him."

"That is not true, I saw him, I talked to him"

"Madame you were not allowed to see him ... Madame ... Mary please listen to me, you are causing yourself more trouble the more you lead your rebellion against your father, your King and your liege. He gets to decide who inherits the throne, just because you were put back into the line of succession; does not mean that you are back into his good graces."

"Parliament decided that, and my father can't do whatever he wants, this is not like the time of the old Danes when Kings could do whatever they wanted. He knows that, there is a reason we the English have Parliament" She pointed in an obvious tone feeling she was lecturing a child.

He asked himself where did all this obstinate pride come from? Certainly not from her mother, the good Queen Katherine proud as she was, had been a very reasonable Lady who was often pragmatic and reigned by her reason more than her feelings and conscience as her daughter and husband were. Of all his children it was the Lady Mary who had inherited more of the Tudor features, not just physical, she had inherited the famous Tudor temper and her father's pride.

Through their ongoing discussion, Eustace tried to make her see reason.

"Your father can do whatever he wants because there are not enough men foolish to stand up to him, and those who disagree are not about to risk the lives of their family or their fortunes like Sir Thomas Moore, Bishop Fisher and the members of the Pilgrimage of Grace did for their ideals"

"And are you suggesting that I stop fighting, that I just give up?"

"Not give up, but give in. In order to beat the devil you must learn to play the game better than them" Eustace said roughly.

Mary did not accept this. Wasn't he the person who twelve years ago was urging her not to give up, not to give in to her enemies, the Boleyn and Howard faction? Why the sudden shift in opinion?

"I have not changed" Eustace said not letting her finish her argument where she accused him of having changed sides "but I see the way this is going. The Country is in turmoil, and I hold these truths that I mentioned countless times before Mary, only you can deliver this land from the devil's clutches, only you can purge it from Satan's acolytes. But you have to be smarter than this, you can't keep ignoring the Queens' requests, the more you do this, the more she will have reason to keep you from your children, and especially Henry who has become her favorite"

When he said Henry, she stared into his eyes, she noticed how his expression had darkened. Every day he sought penance for his sins, as she, for having lied about Henry's true parentage. He was stronger, he kept a cool face when he saw her youngest son, he kept everything inside and all the hits he took from life he kept them hidden -like the truth he had become cruel and cold, while Mary had become more religious seeking forgiveness from God himself. But that never came. She would burn in hell for the sins they committed, she was a woman after all, in the end she was sure that like Eve she would get the worst of all punishments for having lied about Henry's true parentage.

He waited to see what words would come from her soft and rosy lips, but instead he got lost in her dark gray eyes as she tip toed to lift herself higher to meet his lips, not wanting to cause her much bother, he leaned forward and slowly, very slowly he closed his eyes, their lips meeting. It was a short kiss lasting about three seconds, a seal of their love, their goodbye to each other.

But Mary did not end it there. She twined her arms around his neck, bringing his forehead to rest on hers.

"No" he wanted to say, but pulled by his own desire and longing to feel her lips, her flesh and her entire being, he closed his eyes and kissed her with more intensity.

"One more night" She whispered huskily "Just one more" she pressed "one more"

One more, he thought, one more and it will all be over. I will be gone from her life. It was only one night, her mind kept saying, just one and they would never have to trouble each other again. One more ...

She raised her hand and began to unbutton his doublet, she let it fall and later went for his chemise, the same followed for her as he released her arm and his hands traveled to her back. He undid the lacing that was holding her dress together. It fell down her knees and she took a step after he released from her corset, forward staring at her bedchamber. He understood. There, her eyes were saying, and they both walked to the bed, the only clothing he had left was his chemise but that was soon fixed when she helped him take it off.

He was the first one to lie down, he allowed her to lie on top of him.

Why, the reason of this sinful action? His reason demanded him. He ventured on a simple argument: Since she was Royal and higher in status and lineage than him, it was only reasonable that she gained the upper hand so he let her spread her legs first before they kissed.

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

When I had first had _met her in the flesh_, there had been no appreciation of the secular magnificence which I know draw upon as I feel her lips move to mine and soon a clash ensued between our tongues, and Mary won the battle by dominating the kiss and tracing her palms through my entire chest, I moan as they reach my waist. This makes my motives clear after she whispers my name about the danger of our present actions, but it was not powerful enough to overcome the feelings of longing and desire.

"Mary" I said, and I let her claw her fingers on my shoulders as I pushed myself inside her. I could not move at the same speed like before, my leg prevented me from it. But that did not stop us from enjoying this night, or making me thrust harder and her moans grow louder.

She briefly closed her eyes and my other arm went flying to her back and I brought her closer to me feeling her breasts against mine. She had gained some weight. Her waist was thin but I could feel the growth of her curves as she wrapped her legs being wrapped around my waist.

I caressed her cheek and with my other hand I kept stroking her back not wanting to miss anything. I wanted to remember this last moment and not forget the feeling of being one with the woman I loved.

Mary opened her eyes and she knew, she could feel it like me that we were ready to release on each other. "Please Eustace" she whispers and closes her eyes again.

Don't stop she begs me, and I don't want to but there is the throbbing pain in my leg preventing me from performing the act.

She does not let it get between us, she begins to kiss my neck harder and sucking in the flesh of my shoulders and I feel the need returning and the pain quickly becomes ignored as I tighten my hold on her and push deeper into her releasing all of myself inside her, and feeling my hot seed abandoning me.

"I love you"

I did not want this feeling to end, I did not want to hear my mind berate me for what I was about to do, so I quieted all the voices of doubt in my head and let myself go pouring all of myself, my seed inside her and I felt her release hearing her moaning, and trying but without success not to call my name. I could not help it either to call her name and that only increased our need for each other in our bodies.

The pain wakes me up and the moment that we had been longing for all these months that I had been away, finally ends and I am forced to push myself off her. I ache in terrible pain as I look at my leg, I feel angry and I feel ashamed that I cannot give her what she wants, what she deserves.

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

Faster he begins to push inside me, and I beg him for more. I do not think, I just act, and I close my eyes tightly as his hands search my back pulling me closer to him. I can feel his entire chest, but I want to feel HIM, I want him to be part of me, I want him to hear him say the words I love you, I wanted to hear his declaration, his true statements of how much he loves me and needs him as much as I need him, but the pain does not come quickly as I feel one of his leg stop his thrusts.

Don't, I whisper but he can barely hear me and I lean down to kiss his neck, stirring in him the flames of ecstasy that his pain interrupted. He holds me tighter, and pushes harder into me.

Please Eustace -I say.

He wastes no time after my tongue moves from his neck to his shoulders and I begin to suck in his flesh, and feeling aroused by it he holds me tighter taking me by surprise as we roll and our positions are juxtaposed, and I can feel his weight crushing me and it only gets worse when I feel his hot seed being released into me. I moan harder than before and with a hard attempt I try not to scream or call his name, but this proves futile as I feel him pumping more of his seed into me and I can feel now more of him, not just in the flesh, but his spirit grow inside me merging with my own and it causes me to place my sweaty palms into his equally drenched in cold sweat forehead clearing the gray curls from his face so I get a better look into his eyes while he continues his thrust.

"Eustace" I whisper my lips meeting his and kissing for the longest time until our bodies depart and the feeling of becoming One peacefully ends.

* * *

_"In these upcoming celebrations where we will be remembering Mexico's independence over two hundred years now have passed since then. One of the things that many more open minded, younger Mexican historians have said is that our mistake in history has been to see heroes and villains in every historical character. As Luis Gonzales and Gonzales said before he dies, history is past and we can't avoid subjectivity for we all form attachments to the people who made our history. Others that have recently written books of fiction or new biographies of our heroes express that to better understand history is not enough to understand the mindset of the time, but realize that our heroes and the people we admire were just that: people. Who loved, cherished, had hopes, dreams, hated, had prejudices or prejudices held against them, and often they were betrayed, loved or not at all"_

**Me on today's History of 18-19th century Europe Essay**_  
_

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

On the following morning as it was the custom, I was the first one to be woken up by the sun's intense rays. I expected to find Mary laying beside me, resting in my arms but instead I find an open letter.

Judging by the very bad calligraphy it was written by her in a hurry. I read it and I am shocked by her confession.

_Eustace,_

_I am deeply apologize for everything that I said to you yesterday, for everything else that transpired between us in the past. For having forced you to carry this burden of guilt on your back. As soon as you finish this letter, there will be not a single doubt left in my mind that we did what was best for the future of this Country, and that you will burn this letter as proof of our love.  
This world was not made for people like you and me to be together, but in spite of this cruel truth I enjoyed all of our times together, you made me feel with purpose again._

_I will never forget you, I can only hope that someday you will remember me, and that I will be part of you as you are part of me_

_~Your faithful servant:_

_Mary Tudor_

As she predicted I quickly burn the letter and go after my clothes, dressing as quick as I can. She has left me faster than I intended to leave her, and I can't be angry with her because this is what we agreed. One night to seal our love, and after that it would all be forgotten.

The past was past, she was right. There was nothing that we could do about Henry. He was now the Duke's son and he was his legal heir, whatever the future may bring, God be willing that it would be in the form of His Majesty's Duke of York for the astrologist that His Majesty had paid great sums of money to predict the sex of the child in Katherine Howard's belly, had assured him and the rest of the Court that it was a boy. For everyone's sake I really hope so, for nothing would make me happier than to feel the heavy burden of the guilt that I have been carrying for three years now, being lifted.

I look down at my feet once I am dressed. My leg yesterday did not allow me to part from her as I would want. Our love making was slower and it did not last long, it went through various interruptions because each time I wanted to introduce myself inside her I would feel the throbbing pain in my leg return almost as if this was a sign from the Lord himself, that he was displeased to see his favorite two servants sinning.

Live today, I remember my father telling me, fight tomorrow. That is exactly what I would do. Yesterday I gave myself the last night of passion that I would ever be granted with milady, today I would return to normalcy fighting the King, his parliament and his council and pushing along with my replacement, for a more understanding reform that could end the hostilities between France and England.

I would not disobey my master anymore, and I knew that Mary would not make me submit to her will after this night. I had given in to her wish, I granted her everything she wanted, a night of passion, ecstasy and a night of the deepest expression of love making we had ever had. Compared to the other nights of passion and wild sex, this was very different, for this not only symbolized how much we meant to each other, it also expressed the sacrifice we were willing to make for each others' happiness.

* * *

Henry woke up from his nightmare. Why was he having more of these nightmares? He asked himself. Every night since his father woke up, he would dream that there were demons with the guise of people, but with tales and horns just like the devil was described by his mother, chasing him and he would run and run until his legs would give up and he would be crawling. "Philip" he would cry out to his brother who would sneer at him and tell him to get up, but Henry would be too tired. The dream would always end with his mother snatching him from behind telling him something Latin -_veritas temporis et fillia_ -truth the daughter of time and then she would make him stand before a man whom he recognized to be the Imperial Ambassador who would offer him candy but Henry knowing his true intentions would kick it.

His brother lifted his eye brow looking at him with quizzical eyes. Henry told him it was alright, but Philip did not believe. Henry was very secretive, more than it was said about him.

Philip hated all the attention people brought to Henry. Two years ago he could remember his servants tell him that he was still the favorite, but a sudden shift emerge when he began to grow sicker and paler than his uncle, Prince Edward. The latter sought refuge from his tutors in Henry, and he loved playing more with Henry than with Philip, in fact every time Edward was brought over with his governess and tutors, Lady Parr would arrange his bedroom to be next to Henry's. It was rather annoying really, not that he was envious but it was the way Edward behaved around Henry. You would think the future King of England would have a stronger and firmer hand, but Edward was completely dependent on Henry and it was humiliating, at least that is what Philip thought the Prince ought to feel that his youngest nephew knew more languages and had a greater grasp at philosophy than the seven year old.

"Philip?" Henry asked tugging his brother's sleeve.

Philip sighed and with a tired and frustrated tone he asked "What?"

Henry did not seem hurt, but Philip knew better, at masking their emotions he was the best, but feigning happiness Henry won there.

"You will never let anyone take me right?"

Philip raised his eyebrows. Had God answered his prayers and Henry finally became mad? He could only hope, a smile gracing his lips.

Henry giggled as he saw his brother's smile. It was very silly to think his brother would abandon him, Philip loved him just as papa and mama, Lady Parr said so. Thinking of Lady Parr made him happy, she always praised him, she was strict but in a good way and she would never yell, hit or be angry at them if they missed their lessons or did a mistake like some other Governess. Both him and his brother (he liked to think) loved Lady Parr and he recently congratulated her on her marriage to Lord Seymour.

"I will never let anyone take my brother" Philip said after a while adding that despite their constant bickering, they were still brothers and nature would never allow anything or anyone to separate them.

"Promise?" Henry said holding his hand out in front of Philip. Philip looked down at his brother's hand and then up into his light gray eyes, he shook his hand. "I promise, now go back to sleep, just one more day away and it will be Christmas, you don't want to miss all the presents do you little brother?"

Henry shook his head but then grew a serious expression.

"What?"

"Lady Seymour along with Stanhope say that Christmas is pagan invention" He informed his less knowing brother.

"So?" Asked Phillip seeing no point in discussing this.

"Isn't grandpa trying to cleanse like Jesus the country of all evil."

"That does not mean pagan is bad, grandpa is doing what he thinks is good, but good and evil are two very different things that sometimes really are impossible to grasp"

Henry stared him in confusion.

Philip decided to approach his little brother for the first time, softly placing his weak hands on Henry's shoulders. "Just because people say something is bad does not mean it is. Jesus was called heretic by many people and we know he wasn't bad, Papists and Lutherans call each other heretics but that does not mean is true. We all believe in God after all"

Henry nodded vigorously giggling as he remembered too his Auntie Bessie's words "Auntie Bessie said that!"

"Exactly and she could not be any more right"

"So why then does she also say people need a firm hand in this Kingdom?"

"I don't know -" he said to his curious brother. Henry worshiped him like he was God, but he didn't have all the answers and certainly not today where unknown to them dawn had already come. "Just go to bed Henry" Philip wined feeling suddenly tired and his head aching again.

Henry did so, but he did not sleep until he made sure Philip was asleep.

Unlike Henry, Philip did not have much bad dreams to worry about, but he constantly did worry when he was awake. People like with his mother, said that Philip got the best of both deals, for his life was idyllic while Henry's life was being ignored because he was the second son. That was a fabrication from start to finish, those people did not know that Henry enjoyed attentions and favor thanks to Katherine Howard, and their only Aunt Elizabeth, and that before that it was Philip who had been his mother's jewel and his father's precious gemstone as Elsa de Goya, his former nurse and mother's trusted friend along with Susan and Jane, told him.

_You are capable of deciding your own fate_ -His mother told him when she tried to nurse him, while he was on the verge of death. Poor mother, he kept thinking when he woke up the next hour when the sun shone too brightly, its rays piercing down the curtains and Philip's face being the first one to hit. She really tried to make herself present in their lives, but the others do not let her, and though he tried to see her point of view, it was difficult when he saw her holding Henry instead in her arms, calling him sweet names that she never called him. But he did not blame her, he did not have it in him to do it, but he did regret seeing all the attentions she gave to his brother, and even his Excellency, it was odd to see him acknowledge Henry more than him.

When Henry woke up he welcomed all of his servants, he saw no distinction among them, and they quickly dressed him and his brother. Under his insistence they had now shared a large bed chamber, something their mama had not agreed, but their papa had convinced her.

As they walked down to breakfast, they saw their Governess, Henry always invited their Governess to their table. Philip did not see this well, he liked Lady Parr, recently turned to Lady Seymour, he really did and he never forgot to congratulate her like Henry did, on her wedding and her recent pregnancy, but he regarded Henry's actions and breach of Royal protocol as something careless. He couldn't just act like a monkey running around and jumping on their couch whenever he wanted -there were rules and they were not meant to be broken.

"Good morrow Henry" Katherine greeted to her finest wards. She loved both of these children as if they were hers, but Henry had a especial place in her heart. He always made nice drawings and poems, the boy was very gifted, to her and what he said would be her baby girl. _"How do you know it will be a girl?"_ Katherine would ask him, and her strong and cheerful ward, the favorite of the Queen and his Aunt, said that he just knew.

Philip sat next to Lady Seymour and Henry.

Lady Seymour turned to Philip and smiled at him too, greeting him with the same warmth as she did with Henry. "How are you sweet Philip?"

Philip smiled liking the attention, but feeling nervous for all heads were turned to him. "I am feeling fine, just a little headache but is alright" He said holding a hand in protest before their governess could call for Dr. Butts. On the King's request the strong and secret evangelical physician and recently strong adviser in personal matters to their grandfather, had been called to be on Hever for the King feared that another relapse of Philip's sickness would take him this time to his grave, or worse drag poor little Henry with him. "I was going to ask you Lady Seymour when is mama coming?"

Kate frowned a bit, she was taken by surprise by that statement. Only one day and it would be Christmas time, the old pagan holiday that not many of her evangelists friends, among them Sir Edward Crome and Anne Askew, approved but Kate on the other hand saw no harm in it, she wanted as she told the Queen, and luckily the young Consort saw eye to eye with her on this, peace between all religion. Despite the Catholic faction belonging to a very wrong notion of the true faith, they still believed in their God, and if they were shown the same respect, she further argued, they could someday change their ways.  
Mary Tudor, the Duchess and eldest daughter of the King was a very strong supporter of the old regime and the conservative faction, she did not want to open her eyes and Kate respected her on those terms because she was a strong woman who on the times she had visited her children, she showed how much she loved them, but sadly there was always a rift between them, and too bad -Kate thought- because she really wished to be friends with her.

"I do not know sweetheart"

"I want mama to come" Philip said looking firmly at his governess. "I miss her"

"Me too" Henry joined in and Kate found it difficult to give any excuse for their mother's reluctance to come.

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

I could still feel him with me. I let him introduce his hot seed against me when we last laid together, and I still feel it inside me, it grows more each day. He is with me even when it is not his arms that are wrapped around my waist, or the smile that greets my eyes when I wake up in the morning to hear (instead of his fine French accent) Philip's voice telling me how joyous he is feeling after Dr. Butts confirms that I am again with child.

I move his hands away from my semi-swollen belly. I can feel the child growing inside me, the product of our love. I am scared. I know what this child brings to us.

What it harbors: death, but also hope.

If I can keep the child's true parentage hidden, then I know I can cuckold Philip again, and while I will be punished severely by heaven for my sins and Eustace's, I vow myself that I will work every means not to see this child pay for its parents' sins like my last one did. I will go through hell if necessary to defend its right, if fate forbid, should my lies be discovered.

"Shh" I tell feeling strange movement inside my belly. In three months I have grown more than I should have, and though not normal my father and even his young Consort have told me of the possibility that I could be bearing twins, even Elizabeth has chipped in saying so. I have not dismiss that possibility and though I seriously do desire more children, I cannot help but be afraid and wary of what the future might bring, if there is a future -I think grimly, if I am really meant to deliver twins.

Twins, I think again. Even if I survive through the long months of pregnancy, I knew that twins were a very delicate matter, not many people survived through childbirth carrying one child, let alone now with twins!

The image of Jane Seymour still haunts my dreams, and I can hear Anne Boleyn, and my mother's voice speak to me when I go to sleep, Anne is the first one to open her mouth later biting her bottom lip as she watches me frown, and grow in anger in response to her taunts, but I feel more miserable after when I hear my mother's voice.

_"I had so many hopes for you"_ she begins by saying and ends _"you have stained your honor Mary"_ and I wake up, with tears on my eyes that soon become dry when I hear Philip's voice. He never notices them, he is too happy for being the father of the next possible prospect of King of England to care about what is really going on.

The Queen is heavy with child. It resulted that her suspicions of being two months along were true, and she is now five months pregnant, very heavy with child and her pregnancy seems to be going better than mine, there is hardly any cravings and she hardly shows signs of poor health unlike me. It seems like pregnancy has only made her skin glow more and more cheerful. She is now Queen of the world, if she delivers His Majesty a child, his most desired Duke of York to replace my sons as my father's heirs, then she will be crowned Queen with all the greatest honors England has ever seen.

She will officially be Queen Katherine.

* * *

That was how Eustace felt today -like a solitary man. Since he heard about Her Majesty's pregnancy, the rumor being true and that the Duchess was also pregnant, he felt like the world was against him again. He returned to reality facing the King and Queen as he kept congratulating Their Majesties and wished for them on behalf of his master and the Regent of the Low Countries a safe pregnancy "The Emperor would be more than honored to be the first to receive the news when the Duke of York is baptized" he finished bowing deeply to the Queen and later to the King.

Francois, his replacement (who on change of plans would not inherit Eustace's post until the Queen gave birth, something that he hated tremendously for the Emperor had promised he would let him go as soon as the third month died) followed doing the same gestures but with a greater addition by giving the Emperor's gift, and expensive set of jewels from necklaces to earrings that his servants brought before the Queen.

The Emperor trusted Eustace to be his eyes and ears, but he wasn't blind to Eustace's pain, or so he claimed, so he let Van der Defelt acquire experience by letting him handle all the small tasks like presenting the King and Queen with gifts or delivering his letters to them.

Kitty gasped and so did her ladies, even Lady Rochford her chief lady in waiting, and if it wasn't for her swollen stomach she would have jumped up and down like crazy and ran to her chambers, not wanting to wait to try out the new set of jewelry the Emperor had given her.

She smiled showing her perfect white and aligned pearl teeth to Francois and then said to both Ambassadors "I am honored, and England has received no better gentlemen then yourselves"

"We are honored" Francois said and Eustace said too giving her a small smile.

They later walked away and made way for the rest of the Courtiers that were presenting them with gifts and praises.


	42. The Game escalates

_"Los héroes son héroes porque la historia los hace héroes, pero antes que eso fueron seres humanos: sufrieron, amaron, fueron traicionados, fueron queridos, y por eso hay que humanizarlos_ -_**Heroes are heroes because that is what history wants -to make them heroes, but before that they were human beings who suffered, they all loved, were betrayed, were loved, and because of that we need to humanize them**"_

**~by writer Pedro Angel Palou**_._

* * *

Philip and Henry were playing when Kate came in with news about their parents. She said that they would come soon to visit and be allowed to stay with them at Hever for the duration of Kate's pregnancy. Henry had told Kate not to go, he really loved his governess so much that he even begged to stay with her and her husband at one of their manors.

"Henry you have to stay with mama, you have been begging all months to see her. And besides, I am due in two months I will be back soon, I promise" She said kissing her favorite's forehead.

Philip thought Henry was really overdoing the matter of Kate's temporal leave. "Instead of clinging to my sleeve why don't you show mama the same appreciation you have for me, hm?" Philip heard Kate asking with the same kind tone in her strong and steady low voice. "I bet she will love to see how much you show her you love her"

Henry nodded vigorously at Kate and launched himself at her, his arms twined at her neck.

Kate welcomed the embrace and stood up picking Henry up and carrying him like a newborn all the way to his bed next to Philip's. It was an incredible kind gesture what Henry had done to keep his older brother company. She could remember him praying day and night when his brother had been terribly sick, nobody thought he would make it out alive with the exception of his mother and his younger brother. She had never seen such devotion in a sibling before. She had a brother whom she loved dearly, but he was sometimes too ambitious like her husband's brother, the Earl of Hertford was, and so she distanced herself from him. But Henry was completely different, in spite of Philip wanting to keep his distance from Henry, the latter always tried his best to be by his brother's side in the best and worst of times.

She told Henry in the past months after she discovered she was with child, that she had written a book and that what had motivated to reveal this (only) to Henry had been because she considered that taking care of Henry, was like being cast from the darkness into the light.

"You are my light Henry" She told Henry again after he asked for (she had lost count of how many times now) why she would dedicate a book to him, when he wasn't destined to be King? "Who knows Henry the Lord works in mysterious ways and you have delivered me from the darkness, just like Moses in the same fashion did with his people from Egypt. You have taught me that there is no greater way for me to worship the Lord than to serve you."

Philip was watching them, confusion apparent in his eyes. Henry -being compared to Moses? Has she gone mad? He thought.

Both brothers' eyebrows rose and Philip felt his heart beat faster at an alarming rate, turning scarlet red when their governess pulled a large brown leather diary, that had been placed under the pillows of Henry's bed.

"What is this?" Henry asked gasping as Kate went on to respond that was her famous work, and her last work "God be willing" she added, if it would someday be published.

"But why me?" Henry asked again.

The boy was so full of question and Kate meant to answer every one of them with the same wisdom, that she did countless times before when she had been in the presence of his inquisitorial mother and her league of staunchly Catholic conservatives, whose only support to His Majesty's reign had been the burnings (or as she called it -massacre) of true believers like herself.

It was a pity really that she and Mary could not get along so well, when Kate had nothing but sympathy for the woman. She even admired her. From a royal background she had been forced to reliquish any claim to the throne, until recently a little more than a year ago when she and her sister, along with her offspring had been restored to the line of succession. Mary had been a woman who fought authority just like the women in the gospels. Like Esther she felt the messiah of her people, but unlike Esther she fought for all the wrong reasons. The people Mary defended were nothing but corrupt members of a corrupt and decadent church whose only purpose was to destroy the good faith that Luther advocated, and all the knowledge that protestants worked so hard to preserve.

It was very common knowledge that Kate had reformist and evangelical sympathies, she wasn't afraid to hide it for the Queen of England had done what no other predecesor before her had done, she had soften the King's heart, so much that three years ago when the King had been ready to execute the rebel -who was said to have been the alleged lover of the doomed Queen Anne Boleyn- Thomas Wyatt, Kitty Howard had spoken in his defense and the King being so compelled by his wife's words had recanted his verdict and released his prisoner.

It was amazing what the woman had done to Henry. She had changed him -forever now there was no going back. Kate was proud to live in a Country where a strong and merciful Queen ruled the King's heart.

"You have been my deliverer Henry. Someday, maybe not today, but surely one day you will be meant for great things just like all the men in your family" Kate finished holding the little boy's hand and in the other which she had placed the book, she placed her hand on top of his, clasping it tightly, and looking at him directly in the eyes she leaned forward and whispered in his ear -"Nobody knows what destiny God has for us, but along the way we will discover it, never forget the Lord and never forget that there is a God, that God is him and he loves you as he will want you to love all the people in your Country, be those of your beliefs or not. Remember that the own Martin Luther despite his prejudices abhorres violence, so should you unless it is necessary. Understand my love?"

Henry nodded and smiled weakly, he felt very much like Achilles in the presence of Zeus ... no, he told himself, not Zeus but in the presence of his titanic mother, the ocean Goddess Tetis. That was the effect that Kate had on him, he vowed to himself that he would never disappoint everyone, should he be ruler of this land, Bavaria or his family, he would never disappoint any loved member, he would love and respect all of them as Kate had loved and respected him all these years, and hopefully he added to his mental promise, in more years to come.

Philip who was still seated stood up and not able to hold his laughter from his chest it erupted making Kate and Henry turn to their heads to him, their eyebrows rising in surprise. Henry's mouth was agape, his eyes holding question of what his brother found so funny, and why the cause of his rude behavior? Kate on the other hand mentally rolled her eyes, knowing full well that this had been the end of Philip's patience, and she now feared that he would release all his anger at Henry.

She had to avoid that at all cost, the last thing that Henry needed was for Philip to shatter the illusion his little brother (so far) had of him.

"Philip" said Kate rising and coming over to Philip grabbing (gently) his arm "why don't we put you two now to bed, the moon has risen and the candles are loosing their light, you should be asleep."

Philip freed himself from Kate and ran to where Henry was. "You know Henry the only reason why Luther and all the old and corrupt church fathers as the reformist called and still" he turned to Kate whose eyes turned sad, and turned his gaze back to Henry's locking his bright green, emerald eyes with his dark gray ones "call them is because all of them were powerless to stop the spread of paganism, even Luther and Calvin little brother had to rely on pagan influences, do you remember the Illiad, yes? Well Henry they relied heavily on the idea of predestination, that is an idea that Calvin fashions himself as the inventor, but actually St. Augustin a corrupt and decadent church father also used and based on paganism. Christianity little brother is nothing but pagan ideals, all God is an idea. He is the spurge of all the unwanted God and ideas from paganism"

"Philip that is enough" Kate said her tone becoming firm. Henry had been surprised to hear Kate, she had never shown herself to be angry. But he guessed that even Kate had a breaking point just like everyone else. Henry looked at Philip, his angry green eyes, why did he have to be so angry? thought Philip were bearing on his making him feel like he was being thrown into the wolves. Why was his brother so mean now to the true faiths, or even to the false one?

"No it is not enough" Philip said turning back Kate's angry glare and grabbing Henry's arm, making him yelp as he squeezed the little boy's arm hard causing him to drop the book. On the floor it opened and he saw the title "Lamentations of a sinner" it was a beautiful and suiting title for Kate's book and he attempted to bend down and grab it before Philip could but Philip was too fast.

"Give me back my book!"

Henry screamed jumping after Philip let him go. Damn Philip for being so tall, he was supposed to be weak and very sickly, everyone said so, but his brother proved to be stronger than he thought. And he even eluded Kate.

"Philip!" Kate chased him all the way down the living room where he threw the book into the flames, luckily his aim was poor and she was able to rescue it before the flames consumed it. It would be such a shame if we had lost the only remaining work of Katherine Parr-Seymour, the only woman known to have survived Henry's inquisition and lived all the way to her old age, to see both her wards being crowned Kings.

"My book, my book!" Henry ran down the stairs, not worrying if he tripped or not which thank god, muttered Kate, he did not and she gave him back the book. A miracle, it was not burned or even stained by ashes, it was on perfect condition like when she'd given it to her Henry.

"It is alright Henry, just be careful and keep it away from ... jealous hands" Katherine turned to Philip who was cowering now in front of her as she walked his direction.

"You young man, I will talk to your father when he gets here"

If looks could kill, they would all be dead by now. Philip wore an angry glare that was directed more at Henry than at their governess. He was being tired of being second to everyone, first his uncle, then his father, then Kate and now last but certainly not the least, his biggest thorn that breathed down his spine, Henry.

Everyone treated him like a King, even the own Queen lavished him with gift, and their grandfather always spoke great things of him, and sent endless blessings and best of wishes to Henry, ONLY to his little brother, Philip was hardly, if ever, mentioned in his letters.

His father was the worst, he loved Henry with such a passion that he said that the boy reminded him a lot of his younger days.

Where did he get the idea, Philip thought reaching his bedroom and collapsing from exhaustion on his bed, feeling another of his horrible headaches; that Henry was his spitting image?

He, Philip looked exactly like their father, but Henry? He looked NOTHING like the Duke of Bavaria, his eyes were exactly like their mother, same eye color though the almond shaped Philip scratched his head, he had no idea where he had gotten them from. Nobody from the Plantagenet, Tudor or Tratasmara family for that matter had those shape of eyes, there were other people at Court who had almond shaped eyes, including foreigners like the Imperial Ambassador Eustace Chapuys, but they were, none of them, related to his mother. And then there was Henry's great health that neither he or his uncle, the golden boy and hope for England, Prince Edward possessed. Henry was tall for his age and he learned at a great capacity, already he knew more than four languages, and he wanted to learn more. He read every type of books and he was in constant competition with all of his tutors, it was like he wanted to prove himself, it was ridiculous the way he did, outshining them by showing off his knowledge in front of their little court of tutors and Kate of course.

If Henry really wanted to show off how good he was, how come he didn't go on pilgrimages with his mother instead of accompanying the Queen and his Aunt, when she went to give alms to the poor? Or go into the backdoor of their own household to know how their servants or serfs as they were called back now, lived?

If Henry really wanted to do good, he had to start by seeing how the true poor people lived and stop worrying about God or all that nonsense. As far as Philip knew God was no better than all the people who pretended to follow him, and used him only to advance in a higher seat of power next to the King. All the history of Christendom was that way, filled with blood. As long as there was the belief in one God there would be killings in his name, and much as he loved their mother, as long as she believed in the old Catholic Church she would be lost to sadness.

_Please, whatever you are, he thought joining his hands in prayer, if you are really out there, please deliver my mother and all these people from this nonsense, give me proof that you are a benevolent and just Deity. Prove me wrong Lord, please._

He stared for the longest time at the ceiling hoping that some angel or prophet would come from above to show Henry the true path. He desperately wished that he could believe, that he would live in ignorance for ignorance was bliss to so the people of the so many branches of His faith. He could live in ignorance like those people, but he chose knowledge, doubt and unhappyness for only a person that was truly unhappy could be one that had showered himself with the priceless gift of knowledge. And in the end this had been Philip's choice, unhappyness instead of ignorance.

As a connoisseur, his father should know that Henry would be a terrible choice if the rumors were true that the Wittelsbach family wanted to leave Bavaria in more capable hands. Henry was not equipped to be ruler of Bavaria, and God forbid ruler of England! He might be chivalric, he might an admirer of the works of Plato and won his mother's heart, but he didn't have the toughness or the knowledge to be a good and just leader like he would be.

He realized that their personalities, if they continued fighting like this, or Philip giving Henry cause to fight him, would create for them a turbulent future filled with Court intrigues, deception, betrayals and constant disliking for each other, not to mention competition, which Henry already had enough of Philip.

* * *

"Mama!" Philip and Henry cried in unision running toward their mother's open arms who had been kneeling before them.

"Oh my how you have grown" Mary said, struggling to handle both children. This pregnancy had made her heavier than the others, she felt big as a whale. It was awful she felt hungry all the time, and it didn't stop with peaches. Good heavens no! She now desired cake and every other sweet, it was frustrating and difficult to handle. She didn't regret most of it, for she had Elsa de Goya who proved like Susan and Jane to be a true friend, and helped her to move around when she needed help coming down the stairs. Everyone was in high spirits for this pregnancy, she felt grateful for all their good wishes, even to Kitty whom she was forced to make peace only out of convenience -as long as Kitty got along with Mary, so her father got along with her and let her see more of her children, something she felt deeply grateful for him to allow her to see them.

Now with Kate pregnant, their governess also had to leave soon for confinement, so they had dismissed her and said that from now on during the duration of their pregnancies, Mary would take care of her children's upbringing. Something that she noticed from Kate's sad eyes she was not to pleased with, but she had to remember that she was only a servant and Mary was after all the boys' mother, at least it was the way Mary saw it. She had every right to see how they were doing, Kate was only a substitute, and not a good one she often told her husband, because she was sure she was teaching them heresy, something that bothered Philip as well and not because he was against it, on the contrary he favored Katherine Parr (now Seymour) religious sympathies with the Reform, but he was just afraid that the King and Gardiner, who was Mary's "friend" and ally, would discover her.

Hence, they had determined weeks ago to let Kate go for the time being and be with her husband, while they, Mary and Philip would stay for four months and a half with their two favorite people.

"Mama I missed you so much did you know that I can now translate English to Greek? You want me to show you ... and, and I can also read in French just like you taught me last time ... look!"

Mary laughed and pulled Henry back to her. "Slow down Henry, mama needs to rest, I am carrying your next sibblings" She reminded him. Henry could be so sweet, but sometimes it seemed like he never stopped, he was always so full of energy, she wondered where she got all of this restlesness.

She turned to Philip whose expression was serious and did not hold any of the cheerfulness that his father or brother had.

"Philip what is wrong?" Mary asked knitting her eyebrows in confusion as a tear trickled down Philip's cheek. She placed both her hands on his cheeks. "Sweetheart tell me, you can tell your mother anything that is why I am here for"

"Papa what is wrong with Philip" Asked Henry going over to his father. Philip of Bavaria did not know what to answer, Kate had told him how his eldest son had been misbehaving lately.  
He hoped that would be fixed soon, he couldn't afford to having Philip act so rebellious when his wife was heavy with child, possibly with more than one.

"Should we leave?" Henry asked speaking wisdom that his father hadn't thought of before. His emerald eyes met Henry's dark gray ones, and decided that it was the best course of action to take right now. Whatever was wrong with Philip, there was no better person to solve that problem than his wife.

Yet he sitating to leave the room so soon, he told Henry to wait for him outside while he talked to his mother about an important issue.

"What is it?" Henry asked completely intrigued but later it died down when his father said it was adult stuff, and he would not understand. From his chest erupted a heavy grunt but seeing how serious his father was, he decided better not to argue and walked outside of the room.

"Sweetheart" Mary looked behind her to see Philip, her husband, place a hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure you will be alright, I can talk to Philip if you want" he offered but Mary said no, she had to do this alone, she was his mother and only now seeing the grief in her oldest son's eyes she had noticed how much she had neglected him for Henry.

"Mary you are almost five months along"

"I will be fine Philip" There was no more room for discussion, Philip realized and nodded giving one warning look to his son that advised he better not misbehave or else.

With the doors finally closed, Mary concentrated her full attention at Philip. "What is wrong? Is it true that you have been acting very rude to Mrs. Seymour and your brother?"

Philip said nothing.

"Philip." Mary said placing one hand on his chin forcing Philip's eyes on her. "I know when I am being lied to, tell me what is wrong" She was having no buts in this discussion, if she was going to help her son tell the truth or deal with his problems, she had to know the full story, mainly his side of the story which she was sure was the right one.

Philip began to speak on everything that happened two weeks ago, of couse he let the part out that he nearly burned Katherine's book or that Katherine had wrote a book, that his mother would consider heretical and he was afraid that if he also told the entire story his mother would tell Gardiner, who in turn would tell the King and he would arrest Katherine Seymour like he had with so many of his Courtiers and burn her at the stake. No matter what Kate's preferences be for religion, Philip still appreciated her and he considered her the best governess, he didn't want her to get hurt, but he did tell this to his mother, he was tired of having her favor Henry and lavishing him with gifts every chance she got. It was annoying and he hated his brother because of it.

"Philip it is not your brother's fault, it is mine, never blame anyone else for your feelings except for you and me. I was wrong in having Henry being the first one in my heart, I should have known Philip that you are the wisest ... despite your heretical ideas" She said slowly giving him a smile after she kissed his forehead and brought him closer to her.

"Mama why do people have to make God their priority, why can't we just think for ourselves? I hate everyone thinking God is important"

"Don't you ever say that, God exists and that is the end of it, he lives in all of us, and through our Dogma can we achieve salvation, never believe what the heretics say including your father. Do you understand?"

Philip nodded, he had no choice left but agree with his mother's adamant views, like the rest of the ladies in the realm, on religion. One day, he promised himself, if he became King he would anhiliate every trace there was of religious intolerance and with it he would euthanize religion itself and set the end for all beliefs on God and his rules that did nothing but to enslave men.

"See, someday Philip you will find God, but you have to open your heart to him, otherwise he cannot go in because God goes only into the hearts of men of faith. Believe in God and he will spare all your sins, do penance Philip and in this practice you will find how easy it us for us to achieve salvation, hard work is only a matter of will son"

"Yes mama" Philip said feigning acceptance, but he was now more miserable than before. When would all this madness stop?

* * *

_"Everybody needs inspiration  
__Everybody needs a song  
__A beautiful melody  
__When the night is so long  
__Because there is no guarantee that this life is easy  
__And my world is falling and there is no light to break the dark  
__Because when I look at you ...  
__When the waves are bloody and the shore ... I can't find my way back home  
__That is when I look at you  
__When I look at you I see forgiveness  
__I see the truth  
__You love me for who I am  
__Like the stars hold the moon  
__Right there where they belong  
And now I am not alone  
When the world is falling apart  
__When there is no light to break the darkness  
When I look at you  
When the waves are bloody and the shore ... I can't find my way back home  
That is when I look at you  
You appear just like a dream  
Just like kaleidoscope colors  
Cover me just all I need  
Don't you know you are beautiful?  
__When the waves are bloody and the shore ... I can't find my way back home  
__That is when I look at you  
I look at you  
You appear just like a dream to me"_

_**~When I look at you by**_** Miley Cyrus**

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

For four months, it is the end of April and the coming if May now, I have been forced to stay in this forsake isle to watch the progress of the Queen's pregnancy and milady's. Of course I have also been assisting the best that I can, since my gout prevents much of my mobility, Francois Van der Defelt. His secretary, Dubois and my own Fleming have become close associated. Fleming, bless him, has helped me in delivering messages back and forth and assist all of Parliament's private sesions, as well as to report back to my master when I feel too tired even to speak.

These times for me are dreadful and not only because of my gout, but because I dread every day that I would see her again.

The Duchess is now four, nearly five, months with child, my child and I cannot help but feel fear, not for me but for her. If she is discovered I know that she will never denounce me, but Philip will and I will be death before she can rise to my defense. Death does not scare me, it is the consequences of after my death that does. She will be shamed, and force to give up our children to be raised by people that we can never know their identities, and her children, that is Lord Philip and our bastard son, Lord Henry will be forced to remain either in England or with their legal guardian (in case Henry VIII lets them go) the Duke of Bavaria in his native land.

I know what I have done and I don't feel sorry, for in the few hours that we were alone it felt like we lived a life time, and only for that I accept the Emperor's request to follow her pregnancy as well as the Queen's.

I lay back in bed. I feel the pain in my leg increase but it doesn't cloud my vision. I keep thinking about the children, our children. I do not want to plague England with more bastards, so I pray that she is carrying girls. Girls will be placed farther from the throne than boys, she cannot have boys. England cannot have usurpers ruling the Country, it would haunt me to the end of times if I were to hear that the Prince Edward or that Lord Philip suddenly died and that Henry would take his place.  
If anything of what is being whispered about the boy is true, than he is just like me: conniving, cunning, extrovertid, opportunist, and highly intelligent. Part Chapuys and part Tudor, I shudder thinking what a mix that could be for England.

I let out a sigh in relief when Fleming comes in and with a serious expression he tells me that His Majesty's tooth sayer that he hired, has predicted that the Queen bears within her a healthy male child. I am not one to believe in tooth sayers or such things, but I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Fleming of course knows all about us, and he doesn't need to be told who is the real father of the children that the Duchess is carrying.

"Who is the tooth sayer?" I ask, I do not let my guard down despite the relief that I expressed when I heard the sayer's prediction.

"I do not recall his name, but he is very famous in Europe and he is said to make accurate predictions" Fleming informs in a nonchalant manner.

"Is that so?"

"Everyone says the sayer has never made an incorrect prediction, and the King himself believes it, so much that he is throwing a whole week of games in Her Majesty's honor"

I smirk. What a fool, he is treating his Queen as if she is fucking Hera, the Goddess of fertility! The King is old and his virility has long been questioned, not to mention the rumors that the Queen has been very intimate in the past with other men, and that she constantly meet with his best froom, Culpepper. How can he possibly believe that child is even his? Or, that is he even capable of producing a healthy male heir when he has failed to do so many times with his other wives? The only direct male heir he has is through Prince Edward but the poor boy is too sickly, that everyone doubts that he will make it to adulthood and then of course was her eldest son, Lord Philip who was worse than his son. The boy's face spoke only of death, so everyone's hopes, including the Queen before she'd fallen pregnant, had been deposited at Henry, his son.

It still sounded so alien to me, that Henry could be MY son. My son and Mary's. I regretted ever lying with her, not for the moment we shared, but for creating that little boy for there was nothing but ambition found in those little eyes of his, which held the same shape that was the trademark of all the Chapuys' family, almond shaped.

"What should I report to Van der Defelt? He is asking for your opinion on this whole matter" Fleming tells me his voice doing its best to keep itself neutral, but he is not trained in the art of politics nor he has the experience that I have so I can see past his mask. He is nervous, and he has reason to be. Francois is not Turquoise, Decourrieres or Bishop Arras, he is pretty much like Granvelle and me, cynical to the core.

He expects results and he wants to hear from me every second, he knows that I am better than him because of my experience and he wants to learn, he wants to best me, and seeing how I am leaving this Country forever he knows that I will not refuse. Sometimes I wonder on Francois, does he suspect when I look at her with longing eyes, not able to hide in those two seconds that our eyes lock, my feelings for her?

"Sir?"

"I head you the first time Fleming, and tell Van der Defelt that I am having dinner tonight with you and that he and his secretary are invited, tell him to wear his finest for I will"

Fleming nods and looks at me oddly. I smirk after I watch him leave. Fleming is an expert now on the parties that I have thrown for my guests, but my behavior still surprises him as it surprises me sometimes when I am around her.

Tonight I must outshine my replacement and his secretary, Fleming understands that he must wear his finest clothes too. I want Francois to tell me what he knows, since he has now more access than me of Court, what are the rumors that goes around these days? I must admit that I have been slacking in asking my spies this, mainly because I constant worry for her, and that this ship could sink before it could reach its shore. I could live with myself, though with regret, if she gives birth to boys and places more bastards for the line of sucession, but I would die if our whole affair would be discovered and our children taken away from her. We have worked so hard not to let this happen. England I told the King once, must have a Queen as its next ruler, it is God's will I am convinced, because only Mary can deliver this Country of Heretics back into God's hands.

I pass my hands through my hair. Today I will not asleep after I meet with Francois but this is important, I must abandon all my concerns for her.

As night comes, I look at myself in the mirror. I look awful, to think that just a month ago I could still walk with a cane, now I need two, and even when I walk on their support I still ache and work hard to suppress both pains that are eating me inside.

"Excellency" Francois and his secretary, Dubois, greet us as the dinner table is being set.

I bow and I give my successor a weak smile. He knows how bad I am, but I do well in avoiding the pain to be shown in my expression. The last thing I want from the Flemish ambassador is his pity. I would rather be hated than to be pitied, I always considered that the worst of all human emotions.

After we end the formalities small plates with food are brought. It is not the food we come here to enjoy, Francois is anxious to hear from my own lips what should we report to our master, or do concerning the Queen's pregnancy.

"Nothing" I say very calm.

Francois puts his napkin on the table, saying he has lost all apettite and raises one eyebrow at me. I on the other hand, ignore Francois' rude gesture and continue eating.

"Excellency with all due respect this is not something that should be put on hold. The Emperor will want to know what should be our next course of action regarding the Queen's child." He informs, as if I need information. He has forgotten who he is talking to. I have been in this Country for fifteen years (not counting the year I left for Antwerp and the Imperial Court) I know everything there is to know about England and its people.

"If the Queen were to bear a son, the Duke of York will displace the Duchess and Lady Mary out of the succession and her children altogether, this Country will continue to be a land of Heretics"

I continue to ignore him until I notice that no one is eating but me. I call a servant to retire all my plates, it makes me very uncomfortable to eat on my own and watch all this food go to waste so I tell the two young servants that he and the rest can enjoy it. They throw smiles at me and shower me with blessings.

"Van der Defelt" My gaze divert from the young servants carrying their new meals to him. "in this Country you can't afford doing anything rash. I have my spies but so does Cromwell and Wriothesley, though the latter is a strong supporter of the Church he is foremost a politician and he will do only what is convenient to him, I suggest we wait and see what happens. Besides, even if the Duchess were to succeed as Queen of England I fear this Country has already thrown itself into the devil's hands that no man or woman-power can save all the unfortunate souls from eternal damnation" I finish denying myself any form of boastful speech, gambling all my luck and the Empire's position in England that Van der Defelt can listen to me for once where all his others have failed to do so.

Strictly obedient to our master, I knew he did not liked being lectured or told what to do especially when that involved witholding information from Charles, but I quickly add that we are not withholding anything, we are merely twisting the truth to our own benefit, there is nothing wrong in that.

"You are a sly man Eustace" He mutters tapping his fingers on the table, making a noise that is incredibly annoying, however I manage a grin. "I will consider that a compliment coming from a fellow Imperial" I tell my expression showing pure satisfaction and I can hear Fleming clear his throat to avoid snickering.

"I will take your advise Eustace, after all no other man has managed to pass unnoticed in all of his dealings with the Royals" He says returning my grin, and my eyebrows arch and I begin to wonder just how much does this man knows about me and my relations with the Tudors?

I open my mouth to reply but he rises up quickly excusing himself and thanking me for a great dinner and leaves me with my mouth hanging open.

* * *

The following weeks as Fleming informed, the King was throwing at his wife's request parties celebrating his wife's fertility and his virility. I smirk at the irony of all of this. History was repeating itself. First with Anne Boleyn when he showed her off before they were "married" by that Heretic Archbishop of his, Cranmer, to the entire Court when she announced she was with child. That only added more to her bad reputation, now he was showing off her cousin as he was sure now that her swollen belly could only mean that she was carrying the next Tudor Prince and best hope for England.

When I saw her after her family was announced, I felt my heart beat faster. She was beautiful even now that she was very big with child, she looked like the true Goddess of fertility. She was like Aphrodite and I thought that it should be her who should be called the May Queen, and not England's present Queen.

She went to the Queen's side, and I could see in her eyes (for eyes never lie I had learn in my long years in this career) her deep and intense hate for the young Howard woman.

The world around me disappeared and all that was left after she and her husband left the Queen's side, was us. Her husband was not even paying attention to where her gaze was directed at, he was self absorved in his own little world along with the rest of his Heretic friends that went to join them.

Here in this court of masks and lies, we had managed to survive and have one last night without nobody noticing our presence, but that had been too long ago. Five months without seeing her were an eternity, and seeing how big she was, my fears were confirmed that she was indeed carrying twins. She gave me one quick and controlled smile, her eyes tried to reassured me giving me one sympathetic look to make my worries disappear, but I spoke through my own eyes that nothing could make my fears go away except for her touch of her lips against mine.

We both knew that it was an impossible dream, but a dream nonetheless that we took refuge on after I woke up from it and turned away from her.

I had committed myself not to look at her, but it is near to impossible not to do so when she is the one invading my dreams at night, when it is her name I whisper in the darkness. She is in my nightmares and I can hear her screaming, and deep down I know that from what I saw today, that she has not forgotten me entirely, yet I cannot give in, not this time Eustace -I tell myself. You have made your mistakes and you are paying for them dearly, don't destroy yourself more.

No, I whisper to the voice of reason in me, I can't. The voice of defiance wins and I don't hear any complaints from my reason anymore, it has abandoned me and for once I am glad it did, for I do not need this right now, the more it keeps reminding me of what I should do, the more I find myself thinking of her.

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

I see him for only a second, but that second transforms itself into an eternity as time around us seems to stop. And I can feel his presence on me when my hand falls to my swollen belly. The baby kicks, it or tey know that their father is with us and that he is watching over us like a dark knight for our safety, I wish he could be with me in more than spirit to feel the baby or babies kick.

Many gentlemen after he turns his eyes back on Francois and returning to his conversation with him, look at me oddly when I divert my gaze to my sister who has in her arms holding them in a powerful embrace, my sons.

"What is wrong?" I hear Philip say with a concerned tone. The hypocrisy there, to think that two months ago he did not care for this pregnancy as much as he did for Kitty's for Kate's. He never once asked me how me and the baby or babies were doing, now all of the sudden he seems be interested. It is all an act, a voice says. He wants everyone to see him as father and husband of the year, and he is doing a very good job in keeping that act because everyone here who knows or think they know Philip see him as the ideal husband and father.

It sickens me but I don't let it be shown. I simply smile and shake my head acting like Philip wants me to act, and with a serene voice I tell them "I am fine, it is baby that is all, it constantly kick" reassuring them and making all their worries go away.

I admired myself, and allowed myself to feel proud for I have become a good actress, the type of actress that Eustace would be very happy if only he could see me now.

"We wish a happy delivery, we know you will make us all as our Majesty very proud" Edward Seymour says rising his goblet proposing a toast in my honor. I and the others in our circle raise our goblets, but then something caughts my eye, is the way he looks at me and then at the Queen. I know this look, I have seen it countless times before with ambitious and plotting courtiers.

Just what are you planning Edward? I thought as fear invades my whole body. What if he is afraid or knows that my sons could be obstacles for my brother? Could he be that willing to do anything to stay in power, as Eustace often says? No, I drop all this matter as I feel my husband's hands on my shoulders. I am just being silly and over-paranoid.

There is nothing to worry about, I tell myself when I hear the Queen speak "Today we honor not only our future Duke of York, but also England for it has never been blessed with such perfect heirs who will bring light back from darkness into this beautiful Country. We must not doubt that this is the Lord's work and I tell you all of you, that it is marvelous. Amen"

"Amen" we all say in unision and drink the sweet, red wine. Philip takes the goblet away from my lips before I could taste it, he tells me it is not safe for our children, so does Cranmer. "We must protect after all England's future" He says with such assurance and a twinkle that I do not miss from his eyes as they land on my belly, that it scares me.

"Indeed, England must be prosperous and numerous with heirs" Cromwell adds.

I feel more nervous now, and so does my children as they began kick stronger, draining me of my energies.

"Sweetheart maybe we should go" Philip tells me giving me one more look of deep concern. I shake my head, I do not want to leave, I do not want to seem weak. I had delivered two sons, if I could handle Henry, I can handle these two.

"I am alright, it is your sons they are very strong and eager to be born, can't you tell?" I ask as if I am stating the obvious.

Philip laughs lightly putting his hand to feel "his" children. One of them kicks but it is not a light kick, it comes off as being more stronger than the previous ones. It is like it knows that he is not welcome.

"They are going to be fighters -just like their father and grandsire"

And their grandmother, I want to add but I reserve that only to myself. I don't want to give Philip one more reason for us to argue, and not here in public and next to these snakes he calls his friends.

The snakes leave after my father calls for them, he is so mesmerized by his Queen's beauty that not once he turned to give one look to me, but I could not help but be worried when I saw all of these heretics look at me with ambition and to the Queen, especially Edward Seymour, with deep pitty. Just what did they have in mind?

* * *

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***The book Katherine wrote for Henry in this AU "Lamentation of a Sinner" was actually written in real life, I am serious! But not in 1545, it was written in 1546 and Katherine's words to Henry comparing him to Moses were words she spoke of Henry VIII in real life, where she said that Henry showed her the true light, and that he was Moses delivering his people from the binds of the old ways, in a few words she was portraying him like a messiah, whether she really did believe this or not, it is up for interpretation. This book was not published until two years later in 1548 because the book showed Katherine Parr's strong evangelical faith, and since Henry had already condemned many protestants to burn at the stake, among them Anne Askey and Sir Edward Crome, the former whom Katherine Parr knew very well.**

***Yes we are entering now May 1545 which is the month that Chapuys officially left England and Francois became (finally) His Excellency and Imperial Ambassador. Dubois was his secretary and was very instrumental of being the main contact between Van der Defelt and Mary during her years of hardship when Edward became King.**

**A/N: Will I keep Chapuys' leave canon?**

**Will KH have a boy as the sayer predicted? Review and I will update soon, the quote is one of my favorites and I felt I had to put it because as much as I love my major in history, I feel that history is written according to a status quo and the victor, and we teach only one side, but every history has more than two sides, and as in youtube I have said, if you are going to admire historical character you must admit that they had negative and possitive aspects to their personalities. Philip's views on religion is based on a youtube video that me and a friend made as a protest and I feel I have to say it now, for all the anti-Islam sentiment that has been going on. If anyone wants to watch the dark side of other religions (mainly Christianity) that have spoken against Islam because they think it is "evil" follow the link on my profile.**

**So now all that is left for me to say:**

**REVIEW!**

**Is how this story is kept alive!**

**~Carolina**


	43. Behind the veil

**A/N: Thanks for the all the wonderful reviews and response don't forget to keep reviewing!**

**REVIEWS and the faster I will update and so I can work on a great crossover me and SSLE have planned with all your favorites.**

_Italics-_**_ as you know represent either important thoughts or past events._**

**I really recommend you listen to What I've done from Linkin Park simply because this song will become very important for upcoming chapters starting with thsi one, this is where the end is very near, but I am not going to spoil anymore, this will be one of the last A/N, so enjoy and don't forget at the end of each chapter, Review!**

**~Carolina**

* * *

"_In this farewell  
There's no blood  
There's no alibi  
Because I've drawn regret  
From the truth  
Of a thousand lies_

_So let mercy come_  
_And wash away_  
_What I've done_

_I'll face myself  
To cross out what i've become  
Erase myself  
And let go of what i've done_

_Put to rest_  
_What you thought of me_  
_While I clean this slate_  
_With the hands of uncertainty_

_So let mercy come_  
_And wash away_  
_What I've done_

_I'll face myself  
To cross out what i've become  
Erase myself  
And let go of what i've done_For what I've done

_I start again_  
_And whatever pain may come_  
_Today this ends_  
_I'm forgiving what I've done!_

_I'll face myself  
To cross out what i've become  
Erase myself  
And let go of what i've done_

_Never known love  
__Never known love  
Never known love  
What I've done  
Forgiving what I've done"_

**Linkin Park **_-_**"What I've done"**

* * *

Mary worked hard not to look in his direction, but with every chance he got she would force herself to turn away. She was afraid of meeting his gaze and getting lost in it. She loved, deep down she still did with her entire being and she wanted to run in his direction, run away with him while they still had a chance and raise their children, if it was indeed true the sayer's prediction that she was carrying twin boys, together and live happily ever after just like in fairy tales.

But fairy tales were not true, a voice said, you more than anyone should know by now. Mary had suffered many disappointments in her life, she didn't know if she could live through another rejection from the man she loved.

But she, finally turning responding to his gaze by looking intently on him, her dark blue eyes locking with brighter ones, realized that no matter what the consequences they had to talk, and not through their friends or close confidants, but to each other. She tired of having to pass on messages to Fleming or sending Susan to talk to him. She needed to hear his voice, Van der Defelt though he was a great Ambassador and he wanted to help her like his secretary, he was not Eustace and he would never be.

Eustace, she thought, no one can replace you because you are the man who has stolen my heart. Her heart only belonged to one person. And now she would sacrifice her little freedom to see him one more time, to tell him how much he meant to her and even propose to him boldly to run away with her, anywhere where they could finally be together, where there would be no more intrigue, where they wouldn't have to hide their love from each other anymore, where they would be free to love and kiss whenever they wanted.

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

Such dream was so beautiful -I thought and after the celebrations of Court ended, and the friends of my husband were finally gone, I retired to my bedroom. My husband would not be joining me today, and I did not care if he spent his entire night conspiring, or whoring around (though knowing Philip, it seemed highly improbable that he would committ the latter treason, he didn't have it in him to please any other woman or body but his) with whatever mindless minx would be stupid enough to share her bed with him.

I slip from my bed and walk to the mirror where I undress changing from my sleeping gown to a black formal dress that reminds me as I put it on, of my old figure when I had a been a teen, the first time I had met Eustace at my first household before I was sent to attend my sister at Hatfield, in Ludlow Castle. I had never been happy in the Welsh marches, nobody told me that ruling my own Court and land would be so difficult but I was determined to make my father proud and for the first three years there, even after the outbreak of sweating took his best friend, William I thought I did but it turned out that he was already considering to replace me with whatever children, male, he thought he would get from the harlot Anne Boleyn.

Thinking of that woman brings a sour taste to my lips and I lick them attempting to get it from my mouth, but it doesn't go away. I cannot explain the sensation, but every time I think of my old life, the image of Anne Boleyn appears when I look at myself in the mirror. She stares at me with her pale blue eyes, laughing, mocking me, making me feel insignifcant. I have fought her all my life, trying to get the memory out of my head but I have never fully been able to.

Even my mother reminds me of her. She destroyed my life, and she destroyed the sweet and caring man that was my father in the first years of my life -how can my sister expect me to forget her? I can't and until I die I will keep hating her, and wishing all her family except for my dear sister, death and an eternal life in hell where all the Howards and Boleyns ought to be.

* * *

It doesn't take me long to reach Eustace's chambers. Fleming is there and he is surprised to see me. In spite of my disguise as a low courtier and the cloack covering the upper half of my face, he recognizes through my smile widening when I hear his voice, asking who it is.

Fleming opens his mouth at me, but I push past him closing the door behind us and without his permission I enter his bedroom. I laugh at the sight, his mouth is completely agape and his eyes are completely widened. They suddenly become quizical and his look shifts to apprehension when they land on my swollen belly.

"Sir?" I hear Fleming ask Eustace after he asks something, barely audible for my ears for my entire concentration is on Eustace alone.

What Eustace utters next makes Fleming leave the room and the chambers leaving us two alone.

This is lunacy, I could risk my life and his for this, and the child's. My poor children could suffer and my father could take us all from the sucession altogether if he were to find of my secret life with Eustace, but what do I care anymore. He needs to know that I love him, and that I cannot live anymore without him. He gave me happiness, he gave me life back, I know that he is smart enough to work on a way to save us from this despair that life has brought us.

"Eustace" I tell him, when I sit besides him. His back is propelled against the softness of his pillows, I grab his hand and he doesn't pull away which makes me smile. I know that he is thinking that my proposal is crazy, he knows what I am going to say already but he needs to know because I can't stand one more day without him, living in solitude having to pretend that I love Philip, that I enjoy his company is torture and then having to stand that minx presence and my sister stealing away my children ... Oh something I cannot bear anymore!

"Mary you have risked too much being here"

"I don't care Eutsace, it is impossible to live without you, just give me one more chance to speak to you, hear me out ..."

"Mary" he interrupts me looking back to me "I can't be the man you want and I can never be the man who brings you happiness, I know that this makes no sense, it makes hardly any sense to me, but ..."

"But what?" I ask frustrated he is making no sense, it is the only thing he has gotten right. "Eustace" my hands travel to his face and I force him to lean his head against mine. "Let us run away to France, please you know that this Court will never accept as Queen, my father sees treason everywhere and the Queen awaits a Duke of York, there is no more future here for me or my children."

* * *

**(Chapuys POV)**

I cannot believe what I hear or see when she enters my bedroom. I am dressed, barely if you can call a chemise and black trouser appropiate clothing. I give Fleming a look that is pretty self explanatory. He drops his gaze to the floor in shame, how could he let her enter? I demand, but seeing the pale smile on her face I know that she is not listening, so seeing no point in discussing this matter further I dismiss Fleming.

The first things she says are utter madness.

"Eustace these months have not been good to me, time has killed my spirits and my hopes of becoming Queen ..." I stare at her, feeling my eyebrows rise, a frown forms in my face after she mentions how England should never accept her now that the Queen is with child, I open my mouth to explain to her not to swallow the lies the King is telling the Court. Sayers could be wrong after all, the one who predicted that the harlot was carrying a bastard boy had been wrong, very wrong my mind repeats. What makes everyone so sure that this a boy? Why should they deposit their trust, especially Mary in a man who makes his fortune predicting the future by looking at the stars or reading cards, if the rumors are also true that he reads people's fortunes through more outrageous and disgusting things.

I let her continue after she sits next to me, and with a hand placed on my hand, I make an attempt to withdraw it but her grip has turned strong. It is the children, my children I think with invaded with sudden regret, that has changed her for the worst.  
I have brought to the Crown, if there should be a God to prevent the Howard puppet Queen to bring the King a second son, and if she does in the worst case scenario that the sayer's words prove to be true, I hope that he is as sickly as his oldest brother. For England can have no better Queen to return this Country to the true faith, but the Duchess and Lady Mary. Bastard boys or not, were a small price to pay to bring the Country back into the Catholic faith, the one and true faith.

"I don't care Eutsace, it is impossible to live without you, just give me one more chance to speak to you, hear me out ..."

"Mary" I interrupt my face coming closer to hers, my tone becoming deathly serious "I can't be the man you want and I can never be the man who brings you happiness, I know that this makes no sense, it makes hardly any sense to me, but ..." I am cruel, she cries but I don't stop, I want to disappoint her, I want her to run away and if she does not believe my words then I will reveal my true face.

She must understand once and for all that I am not the charming Prince who can rescue her from the angry dragon that is keeping her prisoner in the tower. I am not a knight, I am not a noble man by blood or by character. I am an opportunist, a man of chance, someone who is no better, perhaps much worse, then all the men she has met in His Majesty's court who would soon betray their loved ones to save their own skin.

It becomes difficult though, for her to swallow my eyes when I feel her hands on my cheeks bringing our foreheads closer.

"Mary we can't run away" she is so distraught that she can't see reason, and amidsts all her cries, when I try to pull myself away from her, she grabs both my hands and rest them on her swollen belly.

I gasp. The world around me stops and I stand still in shock having felt the children, our children moving inside of her changing positions and by doing this I feel them kick.

"Feel it?" She asks her hands above mine.

I close my eyes. Yes, I can feel them, they are both constantly kicking, and it stops when she lets my hands go.

"They want to know you, we can have a second chance Eustace. Let us run away together ... please" She begs me, a tear escaping from her eyes.

I caress her cheeks where I catch her tear. I want to kiss her, I want to feel her hands on mine, her lips kiss my chest, suckle the flesh on my neck and hear her moaning, calling my name after I pour my seed inside of her, but I do not let emotions cloud my reason this time.

She needs to know, for her own sake and our children, what man I am, and how I betrayed her so she can hate me, and run away vowing never to return. It is the only way that I can keep her mother's promise, and prepare her for when destiny calls, for no matter what obstacles she faces I know that God will not abandon her.

The truth comes from my lips as I speak, sparing her of no ugly detail of the woman I met in body and soul. I lie of course, she was nothing to me, just another warm body to lie with in the absence of Mary. My acts were driven out of desperation more than love, but I don't reveal this, my point is to hurt her so she can leave me, so she I can break the illusion, the fairy tale.

* * *

"_I don't want to let fear rule my life. Ultimately though, and the last is a word I will use often, because it represents the alternate, what happens; is that fear does rule my life, all our lives are ruled by it. Love is not what we imagine it to be because of fear"_

**~Fear and love go hand in hand by Anonymous**

* * *

Mary could not believe what she heard, when Eustace came into her temporal chambers in her father's palace. He had refused to listen to reason, her reason. He said that it was for the best that they not see each other again, unless it was for official business and on his master's request only.

With only herself to hug in her chambers, she dismissed on the illusion that she had been building up ever since Philip came from the war wounded, that her beloved Eustace would come like white knight in shining armor to take her from this purgatory. Instead Mary received a negative reply from him.

"_I need you!_" She had begged him to stay, but he had not followed her wishes, defining how dangerous it was already –for them- to have a conversation like this in secrecy. He had gone as far as to mention all his flaws, most of which Mary was already aware of. She could not understand this reluctance in Eustace!

But the worst part came when Eustace confessed to Mary that he had been unfaithful.

"_Why would you exchange me for some common and cheap prostitute?"_ She had demanded

He held that it was not some brothel, but any woman –in her opinion- who was ready to have intercourse with a man for the sake of getting her hands on his money is a prostitute.

"_I did not betray you. You and I were never married and never will be. You have to face the heat Madame. The consequences for our actions, if we continue with this charade, will be very dire. You will lose your position, and my head will roll just like the harlot!"_

"_But you are not …"_ She tried to protest but nothing of what she tried, worked with Eustace. He kept insisting that what they'd done was wrong in the eyes of God, and treason in the eyes of his master and her father. She did not care; she could leave everything behind, her claim to the throne, her husband and this Kingdom –for him.

But in the end reality hit when he reminded her of the holy orders he took. He lied to her, she was so sure that he had been excused from them or that he'd given them up. Eustace held his ground though strongly with the argument that it was near, if not, impossible for men like him (commoners) to get a dispensation from His Holiness without a good reason.

What good reason –she argued- did he need? If His Holiness could see that Eustace was not cut out for the ascetic life that he had promised himself when he took his holy orders, then he could easily give out a dispensation, releasing him from his vows.

Eustace had shaken his head _"His Holiness does not see it that way Mary"_ and that had been the end of their conversation before she passionately cried out to him that she was not about to give him up, for anything in this world.

She had never been as rational or practical like Eustace, he saw no future for them if they kept having secret meetings, and when she had ran out of reasons to convince him to stay in England longer; he left.

He did not say goodbye, or bothered to glance at the wreckage he left behind.

He just decided to leave.

That had been a week ago, and she had not heard from him ever since. She had moved to Greenwich where she heard Philip would soon bring the children with him and their governess, the latter which Mary had heard an awful lot from Susan and Bishop Gardiner.

The Bishop was her only friend in a Court filled with vulture and wolves who preyed on the weak. Long time ago she told herself that she would never be anyone else's prey or slave, but alas! For some twist of destiny she had ended what she most dreaded –a slave and housewife1

She thought she and Philip would be equal in a marriage. She was a fool to think so. He was a man and she the inferior party, marriage was not supposed to be equal. She had seen it many times in the lack of affection her father displayed to her mother at Court, in contrast to all the great affection she gave to him, endlessly. Even to the end of her life, Katherine of Aragon never stopped loving her father.

Mary should learn from the example of her mother. Piety and obedience, it was the best way women could achieve their full potential.  
But Mary did not believe it was the only method she could achieve HER full potential. She was reared by the greatest tutors and minds of Christendom to be a Queen, a leader of her people and defender of the One True Faith, like her grandmother, Isabel of Castilla. She had a greater destiny ahead of her, than the life of a housewife and loving mother.

It was useless though, dwelling in these outrageous thoughts. Face it, she thought, you are never going to be anything more than a housewife, this is the profession you chose. When she married Philip she had sealed her fate, as well as the others.

Had she never married Philip, had Anne of Cleves never fallen pregnant or died of a miscarriage –would Kitty been so lucky to become Queen, or hold her position for so long?

The truth of that, she would never know. What ifs were impossible, here and now was what she needed to worry about instead of thinking of fairy tales and deluding herself with futures that were never to be.

But the hole in her chest did not allow her to think straight. She missed him terribly, and his words and revelation caused her great pain.

Why? Why God does he do this to me? What did Mary deserve to receive such treatment from the only man she's ever loved? Mary was now sure that he was the only man she could ever love. Philip? Philip was a good man, she was sure she loved –once, but now she knew that it was never love. She was smitten by him, by his good looks and his soft words, but after their marriage the illusion broke down and she had ended in Eustace's arms right where she belonged –where –she thought- I always belonged.

Mary hugged her knees to her chest. Without him I am nothing. Her husband was going to bring her children in three weeks time, and she was supposed to receive him like any good wife should.

She tried for hours to sleep, but the hole in her heart made it impossible. Images of Eustace kept coming, and hard as she tried to push them out she couldn't and she suspected it was mainly due because part of her didn't want to push these thoughts away.

They –her ladies- thought that she was sick again. And for all intensive purposes she made them believe she was, they even sent for Dr. Butts and the Doctor quickly confirmed that she was suffering from headaches, he recommended a strong potion for her to take every morning. Her ladies, especially Sophie and Jane made sure she followed the physician's orders. It would be a long time before her thoughts became clear.

* * *

**(Eustace POV)**

Three days had passed since I had shouted at her and revealed my little "affair" as I called it with Mistress Casas. It was not the smartest thing to do. It hurt me that she now will not speak to me, but it was a necessary evil I tell myself every night to avoid nightmares, but the nightmares always come and they always haunt me with Mary's face screaming at me "traitor" and screaming more foul things, her disappointment is something I could deal with, but the rejection was not.

She hates me, I tell Fleming after for a long while I stop and he asks me whether I am sure I want to continue my letter to the Emperor.

He surprises me, I did not need to specify who she was.

He had always known about us, along with Jane and Susan he was one of the few we could really trust.

"Master you are a stubborn old man, did you know that?"

If I could rise from my chair I would smack his head, and demand a better servant, but alas my gout has rendered me powerless in the presence of my servant and trusted confidant.

He snickers when my heaving chest lets out a grunt. How dare he finds this funny?

"This is no laughing matter Fleming! I could lose her more if our affair was discovered, she was lucky the first time her husband did not have the courage nor the wits to keep me away"

I don't get to finish my presence because as soon as his laughter dies down, he yells at me saying that he has heard enough and that this is the end of his patience. I have never heard Fleming speak this way, much less yell to me like this!

"Eustace" he surprises me further using my first name "you should see how miserable she is without you. Everyone who knows her like you, Susan, Jane or I do knows that she cannot have happiness as long as you are away or remain so because of your pride. I swear man, there is no more stubborn creature in this world than you. Philip does not love her as much as you do! Would Philip have let her go? Would she had lied to protect her? If he really had cared for her, or at least made an attempt to he would have delivered her into your arms, recognized defeat at the hands of a better man! You know this to be true."

Yes, I know it is the truth that Fleming speak. My life had been a spiriling staircase of doom with no end and seeming no beginning. I had began a mental search, a useless attempt to try and find out where had all this mess originated from but after months of soul searching I found that my love for her did not have an end or a beginning. It was not something, my servant was right, that I could easily forget or get rid of. I loved her and the reality of things that pained most, was that I could not act freely on that love because she belonged to another, and to the end of times I would be condemened to live in solitude and penance for the sins that I had commited.

"You are condemning your soul the more you keep your distance from her Eustace. Don't let love run away."

I snort. What does he know?

He shakes his head giving me one look of pity. I look away, it is the last thing I want now from my freind and servant, pity! Hate me, love me, even worship me, but never pity me. I would rather be maimed and thrown to the fires of hell than to be pitied. It was for the weak, for the old and useless, and though the latter two I was, I still remained sane enough to think for myself. I was not Henry, I was not like his councilors who followed their passions and desires blindly, I had only one master whom I obeyed and that master was Charles.

Fleming walks away locking the doors behind him. Good Eustace you are alone again old chap.

Shut up, I tell my conscience. I don't need that nagging voice entering my thoughts again, influencing my every move like when I let it control me when I first kissed her. That kiss, it was what started all this chaos. Now there was no escape, the dice had already been cast.

Such were my reflection in these last days as I commenced my letters to my family whom I have not spoken for the last five years; perhaps more. I know that I have grandnieces and nephews all very big now, more than ten or eleven. I ardently desired when I read my youngest niece's letter -Alberta- that I could share her same joy of having to raise a child of my own, hold him or her in my arms, just like Mary offered me when she begged me to run away with her.

I had often, thought about what if I said yes? Would we be happy? Would our children be happy? Would we have ever been safe?

Snap out of it Eustace. I wake up and reality kicks in. Nobody is ever safe. They would have looked for us, the King would have spent his entire fortune just to find his treachorous daughter and when they would find us, because eventually they would have, I would be drawn, quartered or my head cut off like so many faithful before me, accused of raping His Majesty's eldest daughter, and Mary ...

I don't want to think of what worse fate awaited her after I would be sentenced to death. She would have to give up her rights and her children would take her place, her heretic children that is. Our children would be torn from her arms and forced to never speak her name again or called her mother. They would be raised by others, possibly heretics.

I had done the best for us, I tell myself hard trying to remain convincing during the night that I found difficult to fall asleep. I had often, when I was at Court now that it had been moved to Greenwich again, forced to look away from her hateful gaze, and had longed to enter her chambers knowing full well Philip hardly visited her anymore and to explain that I had never meant to hurt her. Now that the sun had come up, I complied with my desires and indeed I realized, agreeing with my heart instead of letting reason overpower me, that I had made the mistake of my life by letting her go.

But what could I do to make it up? And what good would it do? She was safe, and the Queen was awaiting a child of her own, and I was sure that the King would get no healthy child, male or not from his skinny young wife. Mary's position was safe, and as long as it remained so, I should not bother myself worrying over such trivial things like my love for her or the welfare of our children.

_Our_ children ... I sigh burying my head in my palms.

* * *

Philip on the next morning when he was supposed to meet with the Queen on behalf of his family to deliver her a new gift and more congratulations and blessings, he had stopped dead on his tracks on his way to her chambers hearing a familiar voice and one that spoke with a dangerous and warring tone that somehow increased his curiosity.

He hid behind one of the shadows of the dark corridor.

He paid great attention to the conversation, the two figures were wearing cloaks but he could recognize the one on the right backed against a wall by her assailant, was Sophie Tattou, his wife's trusted confidant after Susan and Jane.

Wasn't she supposed to be attending his wife? He took a careful step away from his hiding place and followed what the other figure was saying.

"How am I sure I can trust you girl?" It spoke not hiding his cautionary tone at Sophie.

Sophie squeeled and tried to free herself from his hands, but he had a strong grip on her shoulders.

"What do you want?" She asked him her looks desperately pleeding. She had given him all the information she could, what more did he want of her?

Philip saw one hand of the mysterious fellow travel to Sophie's mouth as she threatened to scream.

"Listen to me and listen well, you promised that you would give me every information about Mary Tudor, so far I have heard nothing outside of what we all already know. It is important that she must not reach the throne, we have especial plans for her children but as long as she lives she is a liability and we don't want any obstacles in the way of power."

"I have told you everything I know -"

"No you haven't" The figure snapped his tone of voice rising "I know that you spend day and night with her, and that you are a close friend of Jane Dormer. Your father would be very ashamed to know that his daughter is suddenly left unemploeyed, no pension, no prestige ... my, my, my Mistress Sophie is that how you want to be remembered as the loyal servant who spent her last days in the tower with her Mistress for the Queen's sudden miscarriage?"

Philip's eyes widened. What? He could not believe his ears, he had to tell the King, Cromwell, his friend Thomas Cranmer, Seymour, the Duke of Norfolk -somebody! They had to stop this madness, but his hopes faded when the figure taking his hands off Sophie took off the hood from his face to reveal ... Edward Seymour.

"You have one more chance, tell me what you know and we might just spare you" He said menancingly not willing to give anymore opportunities for Sophie.

Sophie felt backed against a small corner, and it had nothing to do with what the Earl was asking of her. She had devoted half of her adult life to her masters, to her father's and lastly to her current Mistress. At first she thought that Mary would be just another job, just another mistress. Fucking rich people, she remembered thinking her first impression of Mary Tudor that of a spoiled rich girl who deserved her punishment, for refusing to bow down to her father's wishes but overtime she came to sympathize with her mistress, and although she could never be as close to her as Jane and Susan were, she had formed a great friendship with her that was based on trust.

She had sent lie after lie to Edward Seymour and Cranmer in the hopes that they would believe her.

But Edward was a sly politician and he had spies everywhere, he had been thanks to his father who introduced him to Lord Tattou, a close friend of her father's, everything she said to her he was the first one to know and not because of her father's disloyalties. If there was one person Tattou would never betray it would be Sophie, but Edward had spies in his household and her father had never been careful man nor he was known for outsmarting the Seymours in his younger years, or the Boleyns for that matter.

Edward forced Sophie to confess EVERYTHING she had been keeping a secret about her Mistress' goings.

"You are friends with Jane Dormer and I know with the Duke of Bavaria, I believe you girl I do when you tell me, for I see the fear in your eyes, when you speak that you have no knoweldge who your Mistress has or is seeing -" Philip clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, a pang of hurt filling his soul as Edward forced Sophie to confess about his wife's betrayal.

She sniffed, and Philip wanted to join Edward, jump from the shadows revealing himself and squeeze Sophie's throat to force her into revealing WHO it was, if it was him AGAIN, she was seeing.

But he decided to wait, he had learned it was the best virtue to have in this Court.

"I do not know his name, but two or three times Thomas Culpepper the King's faithful groom has come to the Duchess' quarters" Philip rolled his eyes, Sophie was stalling but her eyes now clearer as she moved closer to the candlelight, spoke the truth. She was clueless, and that felt good for he did not want Mary to have to see her lover suffer at the hands of someone else. If anybody was to choke the life out of that misserable son of a whore it would be him!

"... she barely looks at him, but I know she feels more comfortable with him than any other groom especially because he sees the evident sadness. She does not hide it, but she does not confide in him, she is too sly and quick of mind to give in to a pretty face ... but" Sophie swallowed, and Philip listened more intently feeling the blow coming "she, I think it was three months ago when she was very distraught. The Duke did not come for days and I thought that she might be getting the wrong idea -we all know that he would never be one of those men to tire of his wife -"

"Just say it!" Edward roared squeezing her arm.

Sophie flinched and nodded vigorously, more tears running down her cheek as she tried not to look at his steel gray eyes.

"I was dismissed but I wanted to hear everything" she had been like Pandora, unwilling to put her curiosity at rest, she had uncovered Mary's box of lies as she confessed to Susan the truth about her latest pregnancy "She asserted when Lady Susan asked her if Philip was the father, the Duchess said no and Susan screamed and after a long discussion, she complied with milady's wishes that they would keep it secret, and along with Elsa who was also present in the room, they would speak of nothing."

"So ..." Edward began slowly, a gring appearing on his face, his looks becoming more calculated as he pondered on the many benefits of this, what use they could put to this information.  
"The Duches intends to put two bastards on the throne of England, and tell me is this the first time she has cuckolded the clueless Duke?"

She nodded biting her lower lip. God forgive her, she didn't want to do this, but the Earl had left her with no choice, and he had been very persuasive with her father, who had written to her urging to tell the Earl for he was afraid that there the Duchess no longer represented a powerful force at Court, and he was right her influence since the birth of her children had significantly decreased. She was no longer a strong force to reckon, people hardly paid attention to her, except when it was to inquire on her boys or her unborn's health.

Chance -or rather the evil influence of the Angel of Destruction that had possessed Philip after he could bear no more of this discussion, propelled him to walk away and forgetting about the Queen, he changed directions going directly to his wife's chambers.

All these years that he had delivered herself to her protective arms, God, he thought, he had believed all her lies. That woman, that medusa, what had ever possessed to lie, to cheat? Fueled by rage and hatred at both the woman who had broken his heart, and the man who had killed all compassion left in him, he, arriving at her doorstep, opened the door brusquely and from the moment he turned his reluctant steps when he saw his wife, looking at him with complete surprise, he let the mask of calmness fall from his face.

"Philip what is the meaning of this, you said you were not going to be with me until tomorrow, did you give Her Majesty-" she asked her voice spitting venom when she forced herself to say Kitty's title "gift?"

Philip however did not answer, and he advanced to her grabbing her shoulders violently throwing her, thankfully to a comfotable surface, on her bed. She rose and looked at him quizical, feeling insulted by this behavior.

"Philip what is the meaning of this?" She questioned but he said nothing and let her continue, wondering how much she could keep up her act of the innocent, and clueless victim.

When he'd heard enough, he shouted taking another step in her direction "Shut up ... shut up ... just SHUT UP and tell me whose sons or abominations are those you are carrying?" He yelled with an accusatory tone, pointing his middle finger at her belly that was proof of all the lies she had been feeding him.

"What?" Mary asked with knitted her eyebrows,. Part of her had been on alert, afraid that she had discovered, however she kept her face straight and continued to play the role of the victim.

"Don't play with me Mary" he warned and she became silent upon the deathly serious expression he gave her "I heard one of your maids, she told the Earl of Hertfordshire everythign -and don't worry she does not know you were whoring with Chapuys or that you have lied to me" he said his voice completely filled with hatred, his eyes sheding tears of anger and feeling resentful at her for having lied to him -and making him a greater fool than before "she only mentioned your whorish nature. It took me two seconds after she said this to know whose child is that. How could you do this?"

Mary turned away making him feel frustrated that she was ignoring him.

"Look at me god damn you when I speak!" He roared "Why did you do it! I loved you Mary ... I loved you more than God itself!"

"Philip -" she said softly her eyes moving slowly up to meet his gaze. "I am so sorry-" She tried to apologize but he continued to interrupt her.

"You are sorry? You ... you ... you misserable bitch! I did everything for you! I loved you above all things! I loved you and this is how you repay by sleeping with that sickening old man?"

That became the last straw to Mary's patience.

"That sickening old man is the only man who has ever loved me, and he is the only one who has shown me compassion." she would not let Philip insult him. Sinners or not, they loved, or at leas they had (until Eustace decided to sleep with that common whore and keep that a secret) for the longest time. And not Philip nor anyone was going to stain Eustace's good name. "If you were half the man that Eustace was ... oh that is right" she turned to taunt laughing as Philip clenched his fists, his mouth quivering, and his skin turning to goosebumps powerless to defend himself against Mary's harsh words "you are ashamed Philip are you not? That the man with gout has done something you could not -he pleases me, he completes me and that is more than I can say from you ... tell me Philip where were you when I asked for your presence? Whoring -no you are not even ma-"

She was cut off. Philip had never used violence to settle disputes with his loved ones, but Mary's words had hurt him, and he saw in that moment no other remedy to the spread of her venom than with a slap against her rosy cheek.

Mary fell to the bed, clutching her jaw. Philip had never struck her, he did not have the courage nor the force to do it. She withdrew her hand seeing the stains of fresh blood, that still continued to run from her cheeks down to her neck.

It hurt to speak, when she opened her mouth to protest -Philip taking advantage of this grabed her by the shoulders forcing her to her feet. It was the first time she showed him her fear.

Good, he thought, that was what he wanted. To see her quiver -her cries were like music for his ears.

"If you value your children and I mean the bastards you are carrying -then you will give him up and when they are born, do not worry I will make sure that the King is lenient to you both"

Mary's eyes met his and her mouth was agape, she cried harder. No, she thought angrily. She would not let him do this.

"I would rather die then letting you take my children" she said ignoring the pain in the left side of her jaw where she was still bleeding through her teeth. The bruise he left on her, would be the talk of all the Court, and no doubt she was sure he did this to show everyone that he could be just as ruthless or more than any man at Court, setting an example to all cheating wives.

"And you will Mary you and your bastards both if I see you looking at him. If I even catch you looking at me funny, or hear snide comments against me then you and your children will be remembered -I will make sure nobody forgets what you did, what you caused me, and our children, OUR children and not that bastards' will be Kings while yours" he began to cackle madly in laughter as his hand traveled to her stomach. He squeezed it causing her to loose balance, but he didn't let her fall. He would make things harder for her. He would let her suffer, and he would drag her to the mud, in the same fashion her father had dragged hers, it was what she would get for betraying her, and for making a mockery out of the house of BavariA "-will be raised by the people you condemn"

"No Philip please, don't you dare-"

"I can and I will!" He roared letting her go, pushing her once more on the bed hard not making things easier for her when he walked away, locking her in her chambers.

As a child she had never expressed her fears to anyone, not to Salisbury, her father not even to her mother, her only friend she did had been God, but even now God seemed absent from her life and her heart. Eustace was right, Philip would no longer have any sympathy for her. Everything that Eustace said would happen happened, and she felt miserable.

Her hands were on her stomach, the movement on her womb by the innocent lifes she held began to move rapidly, and they caused her greater pains as she felt them becoming more stressed, and remembering the lullaby in Spanish that her mother would use to sing to her when she felt distraught or overcome by sadness, she began to sing to the unborn life, that was completely innocent from any of its parents' sins.

When Eustace had been with her, lying next to her strocking her back with his rough fingers making sure he would memorize every line of her delicate skin in her body, she would be at ease with herself, and if he found her too overwhelmed he would exchange with her his own worries, or his own desires from when he had been a child.

"Eustace" She whimpered begging that he would appear at any moment to take her from this hell.

She hugged her knees bringing them closer to her chest, and remained in that fetal position for the entire night as despair took over her entire being.

She had never felt so alone and lost.

The future had become uncertain for her, nobody would support her now that Philip knew, and he was threatning to ruin them, so their heirs could take her place in the line of sucession.


	44. My Angel of Wales

**A/N: Thanks for the all the wonderful reviews and response don't forget to keep reviewing!**

**REVIEW and the faster I give updates!  
**

**~Carolina**

* * *

_"Help me if you can,_  
_Its just that this, is not the way I'm wired_  
_So could you please,_  
_Help me understand why,_  
_You're giving into all these reckless dark desires you're._

_Lying to yourself again,_  
_Suicidal imbecile,_  
_Put it on the fault line,_  
_What will it take to get it through to you precious?_  
_Why would I, Why would I, Why would I wanna watch you._

_dis dis dis disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time._  
_Whats your rush now, everyone will have his day to die._

_Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect numb beligerance._  
_Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence._

_Lying through your teeth again._  
_Suicidal imbecile._  
_Think about it._  
_Put it on the fault line._  
_What will it take to get it through to you precious?_  
_Over this._  
_Why do you wanna throw it away like this?_  
_Such a mess I don't wanna watch you._

_Disconnect and self-destruct one bullet at a time,_  
_What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die._

_Die, Die, Die, Die, Die_

_Lying to my face again._  
_Suicidal imbecile._  
_Think about it, put it on the fault line._  
_What will it take to get it through to you precious?_  
_Why do you wanna throw it away like this?_  
_Such a mess._  
_Come to this, Come to this._

_Everyone will have his day to die._  
_Disconnect and self-destruct._  
_Disconnect and self-destruct._  
_Come to this!e"_

**~Perfect Circle "Outsider"**

* * *

Mary woke up, feeling a strong aching in her lips and in her right cheek. She touched it, and gave a small yelp and"ah" barely audible for her maids present who had come at the request of her husband. Susan, Sophie and Jane were not among them. Her husband did not want her to be surrounded by the people she trusted.

It was then when one of them, the oldest and wisest Elsa de Goya asked what had happened, that Mary remembered the events from last night.

He had never hit her. They'd had their arguments and their disagreements many times before, but he had never acted this violent or irrational.

"It is my fault", she said not aware that Elsa who was closest to her, had heard.

Elsa de Goya after hearing what happened from his Mistress' lips, shook her head vigorously, and told the Duchess "something" she said "that no one has told you before" -It was not her fault.

"It is not your fault" Elsa said more firmly after Mary's eyes became downcast. It was not her fault, and she should not blame anyone for what happened except Philip of Bavaria, for overreacting and jumping to conclusions and misinterpreting the facts. He should have asked his wife instead of believing everything that he heard the Earl and Sophie said, Elsa told Mary after Mary told her everything that had happened that made Philip hit her.

She realized that she had never known what Philip was truly capable of when his patience would be pushed to the limits. And she therefore considered that it was her fault, that if she had not insisted on Eustace for one last night none of this would have happened.

"If, if, if I had wheels I would be carriage!" Elsa said simply, yet she hesitated to sit next to her Mistress. She was hurt and she needed comfort, but Mary was being stubborn. Like women of her lineage she would rather drown or be burned than to be the object of pity.

"You should not have to give in to his demands" Elsa went on to say after Mary sat up straight and placed her hands on her swollen belly.

"There is nothing left to do" Mary said burying her head in her hands. Philip was her husband, he could do whatever he pleased with her offspring.

She had not said that her husband had even threatened minutes before he left to denounce her and Eustace. Actually as she said this tale, Elsa was not sure if this was true by the way her chest heaved up when she said it, or she was simply passing through a state of denial. No mother deserved this, but history had cast its dice on Mary Tudor. She would be judged by her husband, by the world she was born to, a world of men and people who hated and had no fear of her. She was no longer the King's golden girl, nor his pearl, she was Duchess of Bavaria and Lady Mary, nothing more nothing less. That was it. She would die a lonely woman, whose life would be remembered as the life of a sinner.

"I will burn in hell" she ended saying, hesitating to leave the world so soon as she realized the danger of what she was carrying. Twins. She had never given two hoots about the child or children she carried, she had heard other women who had lived through childbirth even child loss. She had lived through two difficult births, what more was another one? But now with the recent loss of her husband's trust, she had realized that she could live this world very soon along with the children she carried. And what if they were boys? That, in this case being bastards, would be worse if they were. Girls, she did not mind girls. Girls would be no threat for her father would Philip, nonetheless Philip would take them away to be raised by a family who would make her children forget of their true heritage, worse she feared if that family was one of heretics. Their poor souls, she thought, they will be condemned to hell just like her dear sons.

"You be strong for your children Mistress, you must endure for you carry two precious jewels inside of you"

Mary smirked. Now there was nothing more to fight, to look forward to. She would burn in hell, everyone would think so after Philip tells the truth, she kept thinking. Elsa de Goya never having a seen a woman in this poor state, retired all her maids and placed her Mistress' head in her lap and as if she was her little child, she began to sing to her Latin surprising Mary for not many peasants or midwives for that matter knew Latin.

Seeing the surprise on Mary's face, Elsa laughed lightly. "My father he used to be a merchant and he loved traveling a lot. One day he met my mother who was a Jewish woman from Spain, but she had converted to the true faith, and he saved her from poverty brought her to his native town near Cambridgeshire, and there they had me" She finished taking joy in telling her own family's story about her parents met. It always brought her and her daughter comfort, she figured hearing a happy ending would bring Lady Mary some too.

"They lived happily ever after" Mary said thinking about her own life. Where had she gone wrong? If Eustace had accepted the escape plan she had, none of this would be happening.

There is no happy endings -Elsa wanted to say but she kept it to herself. Her parents had never been happy after she'd been born, her father wanted a son and she blamed it on her mother's bad blood, as he called it for being of Jewish ancestry that he could not beget a son.  
After her mother had borne two more daughter, her father grew tired of her mother and finally he decided to leave her, and that is where the fairy story ended in tragedy like all real life stories.

Mary took refuge in this story, thinking how things could go differently if she could convince Philip not to tell the true identity of her children's father.

"All will come to pass Mary"

She did not mind Elsa's disrespectful gesture at the moment. She was lost in her thoughts about Eustace. What would he do? What would she do? Could she betray their trust to save her own reputation? Her children's? It would be better if she could be outstripped of this guilt that she carried, she could not confess it to anyone that would mean the end of Eustace's career and her own as well. The only option she saw out of this mess she and Eustace got themselves in, was to lie. Say he raped her ...

But could she really do that, she asked herself sighing as she let sleep take her again.

* * *

The plan was set. In two hours time the whole household in Greenwich would be weeping, tenderly going to the aid of their Mistress, the Queen of England, grieving the loss of their Prince.

The man in black paid a huge amount of money to the cook in charge of serving Kitty's meals. The cook reminded him that the Queen had tasters and that to get pass them would be near impossible.

"Thanks for stating the obvious Mister Bennett" The man responsible for the entire plan replied with a ting of frustration in his voice. He did not let himself be seen until today by the cook. It didn't matter if he was recognized by any of the cook assistants or the cook himself, in two hours time they would all be dead and it would be seen as a suicide, the only person alive would be one of the lower cooks who had been lied to by his master and the rest of his colleagues, into thinking that this plot had been orchestrated by the Lady Mary herself and the rest of her supporters.

The man left his employer and returned to the kitchens where he told the others that it was all ready.

Edward Seymour smirked making his way back to his rooms where as always his wife, Anne, was absent and spending her time of leisure with his brother. His wife his brother boasted, was his latest conquest, never mind that he was married and with a child on the way which Edward hoped to be a girl because that would be a perfect way for the Seymours to remain in power, through his brother's daughter's union with the King's favorite.

Yet not concerning himself with the future, he began to undress into his sleep wear and hopped on bed where he would, for the first time in years, have a comforting sleep.

* * *

Eustace sat, something was not right. Fleming knew it too, their spy who overheard everything that had been going on in the kitchen scurried off to Chapuys' chambers as he was about to dismiss his servants, telling him of a plot involving the Queen and the Duchess of Bavaria.

"What do you mean the Duchess is involved? Why would she do something like this?" Eustace asked in alarm rising from his armchair, taking a huge pain as Fleming helped him walk to where his spy was.

The man who was short and fairly old shrugged not scared of the Ambassador, having dealt with him before.

He was a man of the Emperor who paid him well, and although he boasted of his loyalty to the King, his allegiance was with the highest bidder in which this case was his Excellency.

"Did they say names?"

"He Excellency, it was one person who believes he is under Your Grace's payroll the Duchess of Bavaria, but the rest seem to think otherwise for I hear them constantly speak of another person, whose name I did not get to hear for they were so close and I was afraid they could spot me"

Eustace held a hand signaling him that was enough and dismissed him telling him he would be greatly rewarded for his services.

After, Fleming helped his master back to his seat.

He looked at Eustace feeling just as nervous as he.

"What do you think this means?" Eustace did not want to think who was or were for that matter, the real culprits behind this. One thing was clear, the cooks were dead already, he knew because it was what he would do if he was the one orchestrating this.

"Don't ask me questions Fleming" He told him feeling his old age had finally caught up with him.

"I want you to get all our contacts, and tell them to look after the Duchess of Bavaria's maids, see if they know nothing, I don't care what they think of this, tell them I don't want them coming back to you or Raphael for that matter unless they have something that is worth all that we are paying them!" He bellowed. Never having heard his master this angry, but knowing full well what was at stake, the Duchess of Bavaria, he nodded and left.

* * *

_"Everything dies -love, hate, or resentment they all have a beginning and they all have an end. Nothing lasts forever. Alpha and Omega, you must make the most of what you have in this life, because before you know it when you lay on your deathbed, you realize that it is too late to turn back the clock. If there is one thing that I hate the most in this life is hearing people say "If I could go back and redo it" You don't say that, what is past is past, your sight must always be kept on the here, now and the maybe, not in might have been for that does not exist. Let yourself go, do not be afraid to tell that person how much he or she means to you."_

**~Present: My regrets by Anonymous**

**(Eustace POV)**

The world was spinning, everything had turned upside down. I knew why the Earl of Hertfordshire had been convening with Cranmer and the rest of His Majesty's council of Heretics. Of course, they wanted to remain in power, the Seymours above all, they were willing to go as far as to poison the Queen or cause her a miscarriage.

He had never seen a man stoop so low sacrificing the life of an innocent child to keep his power. He had heard through the experience of other Ambassadors he had met in the Imperial Courts of Flanders how men had been capable of anything, sometimes going to the extremes of killing their wives or their children to get to keep their fortunes. They were horrible acts and to think, when he was a young student hearing of this in Savoy, that men could sink so low for the sake of ambition, it was just terrible. But then again that is how the world around him worked. It was a dog eat dog, and who ever made it to the finish line it was only through stepping over his or her other competitors.

There was no fair play in this world. I thought. I joined my hands in prayer, something I had not been doing for the past month. I had been so busy with the Emperor and my replacement, Van der Defelt that I had left my God abandoned.

My prayers were aimed at Mary, I prayed for her safety and the child she carried, I begged not to let it be twins for I knew the dangers it carried. A woman her stature and under stress would could not only miscarry, but also die in childbirth, if that happened I confessed to God I would not be able to go on anymore. "I love her"I exclaimed as I looked up at the ceiling, "a life without her is not a life worth living." I finish ending my prayers with a low "Amen" and I depart to bed.

But sleep does not come. I keep thinking about Mary.

How could this happen? Am I really supposed to stay here and wait until Fleming comes to me with news? Should I tell Francois, does he know? All these question that go through my mind make me go impatient with waiting. I was wrong to having underestimated them. I should have known that once they had set their eyes on her children, they would have never let her the throne. Her father's decision to place her and her children in the succession had been a death sentence, and now she would die because of it.

There was nothing left for me to but let things run its course. What will happen will happen.

"No!" I could not let this be brought upon her. It was my fault, I whisper, that this happened. If I did not push her so hard to convince her father to move her into the succession none of this would have happened, if I would have accepted her proposal ... we would be in a villa somewhere raising our child or children without a care in the world for anyone. We would not be bothered, she would live by my side, I would raise our children properly and I would love them, or him or her as much as I would love the woman who gave them to me.

I was weary. I did not want to think of make believe, I begged my brain to let this matter rest. I was an Ambassador, my mother descended from the low nobility of Savoy while my father had been a commoner, therefore I was a commoner with nothing to offer. She was a Princess, a Duchess a true Lady who had been born for Queen-ship, I did not deserve her.

Such notions soon died as I heard Fleming hours later come into my chambers, there was a somber look on his face.

"The Queen ..." he began after I asked him what had happened "has miscarried"

My face turned downcast, and I pictured the world around me crumbling as I heard Fleming voice more of the details surrounding this miscarriage.

"Has any arrest been made?" I dreaded the answer, but I put back the mask of neutrality feigning disinterest, but Fleming had already seen the worry in my eyes, he knew.

He nodded and I feared his answer more.

"The cooks were all poisoned, but one survived he was very scared when he was arrested, he tried to make a run for it but he was too slow, and too stupid when he tried to fight the King's guards. He hasn't said anything yet" He attempted to reassure me, but nothing could.

Give or take a few hours in the torture chambers, and he would tell anyone who the culprit was, I already knew the identity of said cook. The men plotting this, had wasted a lot of time and effort they could not afford anything going wrong. The last person to survive had to be the man they fooled into believing he was doing this for the Duchess.

"Sir ..." I did not hear what Fleming said.

My eyes closed, I was surrounded by darkness. She would be blamed, and the Queen now that I heard that Fleming had been told by our spies, that she could not bear children anymore, would unleash all her rage on her oldest stepdaughter. Now the heretics and Philip of Bavaria would have complete control over them, her offspring.

I sighed opening my eyes slowly, I gazed at Fleming, he was calm, he seemed sure of himself, but when he bit his lip I knew that he was just as nervous as I was. The tide had changed against our favor, the Emperor would try to disassociate himself from this mess, he wanted Henry's friendship and his cousin's life was but a small price to pay.

Such a crowd of enemies I reckon milady will have now that nobody would jump to her rescue. I would be forced to stay longer here for the trail, and I knew Van der Defelt would be here to assist me as well.

"What should be our next step?" I mutter diverting my gaze to the window next to me. The night seemed eternal, I did not know how many more hours had passed, but when the sun finally came I heard Fleming along with Dubois, Francois' secretary, come to my chambers telling me that the cook had said nothing so far. That offered me little comfort. A man could not be silent forever, they would make him confess who his employer was and when that happened -all bets would be off.

"You can go, and Dubois tell your master that I will be with him shortly"

Dubois gave me a quick bow and scurried off to report to his master. I knew Francois would be up in arms about this, after I tell him that I knew of this plot hours before he did. Like every ambitious Ambassador who comes to this Court, he wants to make sure that he is the first to know everything.

I laugh inwardly at Francois. He was a worthy opponent if we were ever on opposite sides of the fence, and he was a suitable replacement, but the man was so full of secrets as I was that I feared he was keeping information from me as well. Reason why I never let my guard down with him, especially when the Duchess had been close. He had been observing us, and I was beginning to suspect by the speed in which Dubois found out about the miscarriage, that he was using my spies and his own against those loyal to me, and that he could know about me and Mary.

Such absurdity I rather not think of it. So my thoughts focus on Mary and on the person being accused right now.

"Excellency" Fleming rushes to my side, but I tell him not this time. I want to stand on my own, and with my own two hands, using these blasted canes I want to walk to her chambers. I NEED to see her and tell her if she is not yet aware, of what is going on. I fear that Philip could be an accomplice, but my mind quickly dismisses this as I finally reach her rooms and I find her sprawled on the bed with no one to keep her company.

She is crying, and she has left the door opened. She does not notice my presence.

"Mary" I begin softly and she does not turn. I make an effort not to flinch in pain as I feel I am about to have another gout attack. It, thankfully, does not come but I feel another aching, as I realize what has happened after she turns to me and I see the bruise on her face.

"My God"

"He knows Eustace ... he knows!" She screeched throwing herself at me. Her arms had gone around my neck, and I felt my heart break at seeing her like this so distraught.

It made me want to grab Philip and snap his neck. I wanted to punish him, to cause him the same pain he had inflicted on my Angel, my poor and sweet Angel of Wales as her mother called her, seconds before she passed away.

All these years after her death, I had kept in my pockets the pendant she gave me. It read in Latin "Angel of Wales". Her Majesty told me in a letter after I received the pendant from her confessor that it was supposed to be Mary's present, and that I should give it to her when the time was right. I had forgotten about it. But as I at this moment feel her withdraw her arms from my neck, and we stare at each other for the longest time, I finally realize that this is the right time for me to give her mother's gift.

"What is that?" She asks me as I pull from one of my pockets the pendant. I handed it to Mary and she takes the cloth off it, and gasps at its sight.

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**(Mary POV)**

I ask Eustace what was that small thing he handed me. He did not respond, when it placed on my hands I felt its weight, it was somewhat heavy but seeing his expecting eyes, I take off the cloth and I gasp as I see it, my eyebrows rising as I sit here admiring this great piece of metal.

It has a beautiful enameling. The Goddess Athena at the center standing over a laurel and solid foundation of rock that bears the cross, with Nike (the Goddess of Victory) by her side, her form in silver staring at me, smiling in approval telling me that I should not give up, that victory was my hands and in Eustace's.

_Angel of Wales_ -inscribed in Latin that are found at the top of Athena's head in a thin banner being held by two angel figures.

I look up at Eustace and I say "Thank you" clutching my mother's pendant, her last gift to me and embracing him afterward.

I don't let him go, and he doesn't seem to mind as he seconds later his arms raise and they hold me closer to him.

"It will be alright Mary -I will protect you" he was telling me, and I cry harder wanting to believe this was true. This was not the end, it certainly was not the beginning, maybe it was only the end of the beginning and the start of something new ... where I would no longer be needed.

This would be my end, the children spelled my doom.


	45. Nothing is ever wrong or right

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
**

**A/N: Thanks all of my reviewers, keep those reviews coming!**

**For this chapter I recommend the song Burning Bright by Shinedown (awesome group!)**

**~Carolina  
**

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_I feel like there is no need for conversation_  
_Some questions are better left without a reason_  
_And I would rather reveal myself than my situation_  
_  
Now and then I consider, my hesitation_  
_The more the light shines through me_  
_I pretend to close my eyes_  
_The more the dark consumes me_  
_I pretend I'm burning, burning bright_

_I wonder if the things I did were just to be different_  
_To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence_  
_And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation_  
_Here and now I'll express, my situation_

_The more the light consumes me  
I pretend to close my eyes  
The more the dark consumes me  
I pretend I am burning bright_

_There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right_  
_Such a cruel contradiction_  
_I know I cross the lines its not easy to define_  
_I'm born to indecision_  
_There's always something new some path I'm supposed to choose_  
_With no particular rhyme or reason_

_The more the light consumes me  
I pretend to close my eyes  
The more the dark consumes me  
I pretend I am burning bright_

**~"Burning Bright" by Shinedown**_

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_

Mary could not believe it had come to this. Her husband had never hit her, and she never gave him any reason to be angry with her. It was always him and his ambitions. She should have foreseen this should happened. She should have trusted Susan with her secrets better than Sophie, at least Sophie did not know the identity of her children's father, if she did Mary did not want to think of the consequences for Eustace. She was currently in his arms, he was comforting her whispering sweet words in her ear, but nothing he said or did could erase the guilt that Mary Tudor felt deep in her soul.

A great mistake had been done and there was no one to put the blame on to, except for her. She was the one who instigated Eustace, pushed him to the edge of madness. She wanted a piece of his soul, something to remember him by. Well now she had it. This bruise would always be a reminder of the mistake their relationship was -a sin. It had brought her nothing but trouble. Why had she fallen for him even?

She could have fallen for anyone else, Philip had been willing to give up his lands, his claim to the Palatinate for her. He had given up his beliefs, and denied his family loyalty for her father -why couldn't she be a good and filial wife and do the same? Was it so hard? Was she that spoiled as Elizabeth and that whore, Kitty, preached?

Who is the whore? A voice inside her mind questioned. It was right and Mary hated it for it. Kitty had been a thorn in her spine and her family on hers for many years, but at least this Howard girl had not been as stupid as her other cousin to sleep with men behind her father's back, as far as anyone could tell, she was a Goddess, rebellious whose spirits was as indomitable as her cousin, but she was not a harlot. She did not sleep with married men or broke up families like Anne Boleyn, and she certainly did not pass off her lover's children as her husband's.

Who would have guessed that it was Mary who had been deified, revered and admired be the one who violated one of the most sacred sacraments, marriage, to her own gain?

_'No, I did not do it for ambition, I never placed gain and fame above my children's needs.'_ She was not like the other vultures at Court who sold off daughter or their sons to the highest bidder. She loved her children deeply and before the subject of marriage came up, she had struggled with Philip and his father's councilors to keep them for a longer period of time with them on Hunsdson.

She had failed. They were heirs to the crown, future Dukes, Lords and important Courtiers, maybe one day they would be Kings and unite England and a great portion of Germany -that had been Philip's ambition if her father had not only squashed his plans when he allied himself to the Wittelsbachs' mortal enemy, the Holy Roman Emperor -her cousin Charles.

_'Now what they would be?'_ Thought Chapuys as he heard Mary's fears.

The laugh of Christendom was all he could think of with their mother who'd soon be scorned and convicted very soon for a crime she did not commit against the Queen of England, and their father an impoverished Duke.

It was not a pretty sight, but what was these days? Their grandfather would not take them out of the succession, after all Eleanor of Aquitaine had annulled her marriage with the King of the Franks, and that did not make her two daughters bastards and out of France's line of succession. She had gone against her second husband, the King of England and Duke of Normandy in favor of her favorite sons Henry and Richard. She had been convicted, charged and locked up in a tower and still in spite of all the high treason she committed, her children had not been excluded from their father's line of succession, nor could their father have afforded to do that for the Plantagenet as now with the Tudors, back then had been a new dynasty whose claim to the throne though not as questionable as Henry Tudor, had been rather weak considering that the English never liked Matilda's offspring and they called them the "Devil's brood". Henry VIII was in a same position as the Duke of Normandy Henry II, he could not afford to leave his throne to a woman. Much as he would hate Mary, he could not leave her sons out of the line of succession, he needed them to make sure the Tudor line and name prevailed, plus as his ancestor the Dukedom of Bavaria would make England stronger and establish colonial power in Germany, strong enough to rival the Holy Roman Empire. If Philip's uncles and other family members by some stroke of luck, died and left no heirs, he could inherit all of their positions and claim their lands and title for themselves making their sons more suitable heirs than the Prince Edward.

The King could not afford at this point to back down from the succession. England had been plagued with murderous and treacherous Queens and daughters before, why should this be any different? Their sons had always come as the victors, made to hate their mothers. In the same fashion Eustace suspected, her children would be taught to hate their mother.

That is all she had right now, nothing but to live through this cavalry that she'd brought on herself. Eustace seeing the look of guilt that passed through her eyes shook his head violently, and with a determined voice he said to her "This is not your fault. Tell me milady what is your name?" Mary looked puzzled, and shocked by the powerful tone so he repeated once more "What is your name?" taking both her shoulders.

She looked down and did not know what to answer. What was the purpose of this questioning? Why was he doing this? Had she not suffered enough already with Philip?

"What is your name?" He did not stopped, and finally looking up she responded, her voice very low "Mary"

"Mary what?"

"Mary Tudor"

"Then like our Holy Mother protected our savior, you protect our child or children. You are Mary and a Princess descendant of the Catholic Kings, not a Tudor or a Wittelsbach, but a Tratasmara. You are nobody's Mary remember that" He withdrew his hands away from her shoulders and she seemed calmer once he did.

Her eyes did not seem less nervous, but there was a change in her when he stopped speaking.

She was Mary, daughter of Katherine of Aragon. _"Recuerda quien eres. Eres descendiente de Fernando e Isabel de Aragon y Castilla y algun dia seras reina" _[1] She remembered her mother's strong words before she was sent with her governess, Countess Pole of Salisbury to Wales where she stayed at Ludlow Castle believing that her father would finally invest her with the official title of Princess of Wales.

It never happened but it did not stop her or her mother from dreaming and having hope. Eustace he was blunt, but he needed to be. She was not Mary of Tudor, Mary of Spain, Wales or England, she was Mary, simply Mary and like her mother she would not let anyone or anything get in the way of her crown or the safety of her children. She would fight for her rights and her children's, like her mother fought for her to the end of her life.

What was she even thinking? Crying, giving up? This was not what her mother would have done if she had been in the same position as her daughter. She would have fought, worked herself to the bone to find a solution to save both her babies' future, even if they were bastards. Philip thought he had the upper hand. Mary would let him think he had, he would soon realize that his politics at Court were not making him a prominent figure. He was already annoying much of his so called friends, both heretics and loyalists to the Crowns.

Much as Philip wanted to make Mary bow down and beg forgiveness, he was forgetting one important issue: the line of succession. If she failed, so did he and their two boys. Let him threaten her, yell or accuse her of many foul things, for the time being he was reliant on her for if the Queen failed to give the King a Prince or in the worst cases -she gave him another girl or miscarried, Mary would be back in the line of succession after Edward as her sons after her.

"I am Mary" she said more to herself than to Eustace.

"You are a true Princess, the granddaughter of the Catholic Kings of Spain, your grandmother conquered many lands, and won many battles. You are daughter of the woman who won for your father the battle of Flodden." He reasserted taking her hand in his.

Mary nodded.

"Do not be afraid, he can do nothing" But the others can, he thought. The Queen miscarriage would be blame on his Angel and the cook believing that he was doing God's work would blame Mary. Edward Seymour had been very careful and calculated in his plans to frame his lady. Nothing had been left to chance. They were not going to make things easier. If they wanted her death from the beginning they would have done so already. They needed more than that and Eustace knew that their plan to frame involved a trial where she would be humiliated in front of all of her father's ministers, at that point not even her cousins or he could help her.

Why was it he was standing here then giving her hope? His mind questioned him on this. He had no answer, he guessed he just wanted to spend the last minutes with her before news of her stepmother's miscarriage broke out, to make sure that she would be comforted and not lose their child because of the stress Philip had put her through.

It was so hard for them to distinguish right from wrong anymore. What were they supposed to do? If she was charged, convicted and put to death, what would was he expected from heaven to do? Rescue her, and compromise the Imperial alliance, put himself of risk for a woman who had betrayed him? No, not even he could do that. His principles and his loyalty to his master did not allow him.

But this is your child Eustace -his conscience urged him not to abandon her, to keep vigilance of the situation between Mary and Philip and overall what would soon be knocking on her door. But if I do that, I risk my reputation, my oath, a sacred oath, and my orders to my master, to my Church! I would compromise the alliance between the Empire and England. Not only that, another voice inside his head added to his argument -you would also be exposed for the liar you are.

He had sinned many times. His life had been filled with disappointment after disappointment. When he took holy orders he had not been sure. He had wanted to serve in the Church and work as a diplomat for his Empire, he felt a strong nationalistic sense for the Emperor and the Hapsburg family, but he had another motive more persona when he took the orders. He had seen many marriages destroy themselves over spouse betrayal and his personal experience with his mother and his uncles when they fought for his custody without considering his feelings, had made him cold and cynic when it came to love. He had sworn to love only his God and obey the laws of his vice regent -the pope. Since then his life had not grown easier. He had found it impossible to resist the temptations of the flesh. It had been too late when he realized he could not go back. He had changed his life -forever, when he met the Princess. He had been intrigued by her. Her beauty, intelligence, everything about her was intoxicating and as she grew from teenager to woman he found it more impossible to resist his urges. When they finally gave in to their urges, they did it without hesitation or a ting of regret. It was done purely out of passion, devoid of any feeling of love or tender, but when he had penetrated he realized one inevitable truth: that he loved this woman and he never wanted to leave her side. He would do anything for her, he would die for her, sacrifice his own happiness and his health just to see her happy.

"Do you really believe that?" She asked bringing him back to reality.

He raised his free hand to her cheek where she had that ugly bruise and caressed it. Instantly her pain went away.

"I do Mary. Whatever happens, no matter how bad things get for you or us, we have one another" Another lie, he was not going to be there when they accuse or arrest her. But it did not do her any harm now that all was lost, to give her some sense of hope before things turned ugly.

Mary smiled and took his hand on her cheek and brought it to her belly. She became convinced that nothing bad would happen now that he was here with her. Philip needed her, and she was too far along if he even suggested an abortion. The worse he could do now was give her children up once they were born and lie that they were both stillborn. There was no reason why no one would doubt their word. Mary dreaded the idea of giving her babies up and growing up calling another woman mama, but it was much better than the alternative.

Eustace opened his mouth in protest. She was making things harder for him already forcing him to stare at her dark gray orbs. He did not want to feel the baby or babies, he did not want to feel guilty anymore. But she did not give him time to voice his protest when he felt a kick from one of them, maybe from both as he thought he felt two at the same time.

"They already have formed their opinions of you"

"How do you know is two?" He asked in awe and shock of the life he helped create.

She chuckled lightly at his amazed face, his mouth completely agape as the babies kept kicking, however unlike him who had no previous experience with pregnant women, she grew scared that she wasn't feeling one of the babies kick. Who knew if there was really two babies in there? The physicians and astrologers could be wrong, but it was her motherly instinct that she just knew there had to be two. And by that same instinct she could tell that something was wrong with one of them, for both of the kicks they felt came from one baby.

He smiled imagining how these children would be, but it faded once he saw her frown.

He knitted his eyebrows and withdrawing his hand from her swollen belly he placed it back on her cheek. "Mary, is there something you want to tell me?"

"No, nothing"

"Mary" he turned serious "if there is something wrong with the children I want to know"

She closed her eyes feeling a great dagger had been plunged into her chest. Was she ready to tell the man she loved that one of their children might be dead already, that as a consequence the other might not make it? Philip would be delighted with that outcome, she thought grimly.

Mary opened her eyes. "I have not been feeling any kicks from the other -I think it might be dead"

His eyebrows arched and the same pain she felt in her chest, was passed on to him. No, that could not be. He felt it, two kicks it could not have come from the same baby.

She read what was going through his head and confirmed his fears. "It is true Eustace. Elsa and other midwives have told me the same too. They feel nothing from the other child"

"Mary it is too early to tell, the midwives could be wrong" They were not physicians or professionals like the men at Court. What did they know? They had experience attending women while Doctors had experience and a long study of medicine, something no woman could possess.

"They have a long time of delivering babies, especially Elsa. If there is one I trust more than Dr. Butts or de la Sa is her" She emphasized on her. She did not like Physicians, they had become politicians, especially the heretic Dr. Butts, and cared more about pushing for religious reform than for the improvement of their patient's health, mainly hers.

Midwives did not care about religion, schools, or politics. Their sole purpose in life was to improve and help bring life, not to destroy souls.

He sighed.

She was being paranoid like her father as usual. Nothing was wrong with their children, except they had a mother who was overprotective and worried more than she should, and a father who -he chocked on thinking of his own hypocrisy- would soon abandon them and their mother for the sake of his masters.

What had those children deserved to be borne to parents like them?

For God's sake, he had even wished for Mary to have a miscarriage before she did when he'd been on St. Omar en route to Boulogne. He had not regretted his wish until he read it from the letter written by her own pen, that she'd lost their child. "Our beautiful child" she had referred to it in the letter. She thought that the miscarriage had been a blessing to him, a thing that only brought him relief and security that they would never be discovered. How wrong she was. How could she think that of him? He thought about that miscarriage every day when he landed on Boulogne, he still had nightmares about it; the only way he could force himself to sleep was telling himself it was God's will, a necessary evil -what future could have awaited that child anyways born out of sin and in a world where it would be mocked and mistreated because of its parents' sins? It was better this way, he'd tell himself.

Now everything had changed.

They had greater things to worry about than the welfare of their children, or if one of them was alive or not. He had to be cold and appear disgusting right now, it was for her safety so her future as Queen of England would be secure. He would not tell her of his discovery yet, but he would keep monitoring her. The best thing he could do right now is convince her that there was nothing wrong with her children, once he did he could start her by worrying about major issues.

"But Eustace ... does it matter to you so little the welfare of our children?" she asked staring at him with accusing eyes.

Eustace rolled his eyes, not this again. He had to be strong for her, but she had to do her part as well. "I care about your welfare" He responded.

"More than our offspring"

"If that keeps you three alive then yes I do. If you keep stressing yourself then you will cause yourself a miscarriage." He hated being this cold, this indifferent to her pain but she left him with no choice. She wanted their children to be born? She had to be strong for all of them, because now they were in all in grave danger because of their enemies' plotting.

She looked away pulling away. What a fool she was to believe he would have cared for her pregnancy? Typical, men her mother was right, Salisbury, they were all right! They care nothing but themselves, and there full of their ego. Eustace was no different, and being a politician made him only worse. How could she be so blind? Thankfully she pulled the blindfold out of her eyes and turning to face him one last time, Mary Tudor transformed herself in that moment into the Queen she was destined to be. She raised her finger pointing it at the door. "Get out of my chambers! You care nothing but your own self. This was my fault, for believing in you. How easy must it have been for you to ensnare me in your web of lies! Maybe you planned this all along, maybe my cousin told you to seduce me" To take me for the fool he knew I was, she wanted to add but the immense sadness she felt prevented her from uttering those words.

He wasn't given time to defend himself, when she grabbed the brooch her mother had given him, and he gave her in return and threw it at him. "Take your brooch and leave my sight. I will not denounce you Eustace, I will not rejoice if they kill you, no. You will live each day having that with you" He caught the brooch thankfully. Eustace could not believe what he heard, he never imagined her speaking such words to him. She clenched her fists and continued -"aye when you look at it, you will remember me, your angel of wales, what you soiled for your master. Go back to Annency and I hope you die soon alone and forgotten for I can assure this Excellency -no one will shed a tear for you nor care that you died. You will just be another pawn, useless"

He swallowed his pride and gritted his teeth. Oh he could tell her many truths about herself and her father's dynasty, a dynasty he considered to be a plague upon this green earth, but he instead chose to bow down at her "Your Grace" and left clutching the "Angel of Wales"

When he reached his bedchamber, he locked himself dismissing everyone. He avoided all questions from Fleming and he not wanting to upset his master, noticing the hurt and anger that his eyes bore decided not to argue and obeyed his commands.

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_"The difference between right and wrong is not morality or acting according to one self righteous conscience. The difference is none. The concept has nothing to do with religion, all it is an erroneous concept that is narrows life decisions in two categories. If you pick one then you have to stick with that one, and there is no way of combining both. It creates trouble when you have only two options, and divide the world in two groups, for if only life could be that easier all our troubles would have been avoided."_

_**-"Perpetuation erroneous conceptions: right and wrong"**_** by**** Anonymous**_**

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**_

Edward looked down at the broken cook. They had taken him to the cells built in Hampton for traitors like him. He refused to talk. He said that he had done this because it was God's will.

"The Lord spoke to me" he said over and over. Edward looked at one of the guards next to him. He gave him a nod. The guard extended the length of the rope, and the cook screamed as he felt his limbs being stretched to the point that he felt one of his bones being broken.

"We can go about this easy, I am a very patient man Master Warren" The earl said quietly. Cromwell who was staring at the young man being tortured felt deeply sick by the Seymours' methods of interrogation. He turned to Rich and Cranmer, feeling even more sick when they did not twitch at the sight of the man spilling his last meal.

He was a true reformer, he was not afraid of death as long as his soul would be loyal to the cause, but he was not naive. To get ahead in this world you need more than beliefs and a conscience. On the latter he remembered from his first lessons when he'd been secretary with Wolsey, to never allow others to see you weak or voice your thoughts. Wolsey, very much like him had risen up higher than any merchant or noble on Court because of his intellect and fearless nature to take advantage of the weak and powerless. Cromwell was not afraid to do the same, but there were times when he questioned himself. Had all of this been worth it? His friends were dead because he chose his King above them. They died for their beliefs and fighting for what they knew in their hearts was right, and what had he fought?

The King, his soul, the cause? What was the cause he was fighting for? He spent his last years making sure the King would be the more celebrated and rich monarch in Europe that in the process he had forsaken his conscience.

Nothing felt right anymore. Thomas Cromwell closed his eyes for two seconds, when he opened them he imagined he was hearing his son speaking about poetry to him, his wife consoling him when they lost their two girls, anything good in his life that could help him drive the screams from the tortured man out of his head.

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**(Eustace POV)**

Was it so difficult to me to be all that she accused me of? Opportunist, cruel, cynic and hypocrite, dissimulate Ambassador? I had once been all those things. I would not have given it a second thought if my master had asked me to seduce her or any other woman for his own benefit. I would have gladly do it, in fact I would have enjoyed the task for it meant to break my holy orders this time with the Holy Roman Emperor, our protector of Rome's consent.

What had changed now?

What?

Mary, a voice in my head said. She changed me, there was no going back anymore. I was in love with her, despite all the horrible things she said, I was madly in love with her and I felt I was in debt to her much as I hated to admit it to her face.

This was not how it was all supposed to turn out when I arrived in England. Why couldn't my master just ask me instead to avoid her, ignore or worse yet use her to his own advantage, build on confidence to her cousin that he would always be there for her, I would be their link between them, the Imperial relationship between Spain and England would never be broken. But no, the Emperor had to be careless too. She had been very close to being married to someone of respectable lineage, whose future and titles were far more secure than that German Duke.

The matter of the dowry had ruined everything! Twenty thousand ducats, I remembered. Mary and her father as well as Cromwell had made a huge deal out of it! I could still hear her shouting at me, though it was only for pretense she always made me doubt whether or not she was really sincere when she said she would never trust my master or me ever again, and that I was incapable of caring for anyone but myself.

After all this was over, I was going to go back to Antwerp. I would not give her the pleasure of showing how much I missed her and needed her. She brought this on herself, she wanted to be alone, then so be it!

Let her see me as the opportunist, the cold uncaring ambassador. She would die -I have to accept that, there was nothing I could do. Nothing in canon or English heretic law could save her. For the first time she would be utterly alone without powerful allies or family members to support her. I smirk at the irony. All this time I had been mocking Anne Boleyn for what she did to the rightful Queen, when her greatest rival, Mary turned out to be more like her than her pious mother.

Who would have thought?

_Life is full of surprises_ -I heard my mother's voices and I wanted to go back to that time where both my parents lived and all the family was together.

_Snap out of it Eustace!_

I could not leave her, I did not want to, but I had to. Her memory only caused me pain, the sight of her was enough to hypnotize me. Crippled, old that is what she called me! What do I owe her besides forced friendship? What has she done to me?

I watched Mary marry another man, pass of my bastard as hers, and now when I thought I could rest in peace I am about to be witness to her demise. In the same fashion as her father's concubine, Anne Boleyn she would die friendless and with enemies in high places her name would be scorned in all of England. It'd be the biggest scandal since the harlot.

My form can no longer stand up and I end up in the bed. I threw my canes across the room before I changed into my night clothing, they only serve me as a reminder of what I have been reduced physically to.

She deserves much more than this crippled old man, her words still resonate and they make more sense as I look at my old, weary and rough texture of my palms. I am surprised when I touched her and didn't cause her to flinch. I am surprised that she has never complained either when they've roamed her body, or my dry lips colliding against rose bud ones.

I sigh deeply plunging the dagger from my chest as I think of the innocents she carries.

_The children_ -I think, what future awaited them? And what if she was right? What if one was already dead?

It would make thing easier if one of them was dead, but not even I am that cruel to wish death on my own child. No matter who their mother or in my case, the father is they are my children, product of my seed. I couldn't leave him or her to fare on England alone, but I could not claim it for my own. I would be dead as well.

Then what could I do then? Wait for either of them to be born seemed the more reasonable of my options, and I did not have many to pick and chose right now.

It would be easy if I could just come out in the open, ask my master and pray for a miracle that he would forgive me and accept Mary's sins of adultery with me, and that Henry would not break the Imperial alliance.

I snort laughing wildly at that last assumption, it'd be too beautiful to be true.

No, I could not reveal myself to her enemies or to mine. The alliance must remain for any future enterprises against France or other Imperial enemy, it could not be forsaken for my personal feelings with the King's eldest daughter.

Nonetheless, my conscience was not going to let me rest until I find some way to save them or their mother.

The way things are looking I knew it was going to be long night ahead of me. But I would eventually find a way to thwart Cromwell and the other heretics' plans to save Mary or our children, I couldn't save them both but perhaps after the trial I could find a way to save our child, give it to Fleming and tell my groom to take the child to my personal state in Antwerp. The King would suspect nothing, we could all tell them that his daughter had a miscarriage of both twins and I could bribe the Captain of the old guard, old Kingston. I knew him personally from the time I came to England, he was old and broke and in need of money. He would do anything for an old acquitaince with a purse full of golden coins.

God help them.. Three months of torture that awaited the Dowager Duchess in the dampest rooms of the Tower of London. Her father was not as cruel as to execute her now that she was too far along, public opinion would be against him, and for better or for worse he wished to make an example of Mary's offspring to the rest of his subjects placing them with Philip to be raised. They'd be mistreated, ridiculed and pitied by the rest of his subjects so everyone would know better than to plot against His Majesty or any of his future heirs he might get from his young Queen -that is if her uterus had not been damaged beyond repair from the poison that made her miscarry.


	46. Rearranged lives

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
**

**A/N: Sorry for all the late updates but I am busy with midterms and homework that is keeping me from writing, and I had been on writer's block recently. So far I realize that for the same reasons I just stated there hasn't been a lot of response to this story or to others, but I promise more chapters after the holidays will come, we are coming very close to the climax now.  
Thanks all of my reviewers, keep those reviews coming!**

**For this chapter I recommend the song Burning Bright by Shinedown (awesome group!) you will see how relevant it is for understanding the machinations of Mary's enemies in this chapter.  
**

**~Carolina  
**

* * *

_"Lately I've been skeptical_  
_Silent when I would used to speak_  
_Distance from all around me_  
_Who witness me fail and become weak_  
_Life is overwhelming_  
_Heavy is the head that wears the crown_  
_I'd love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down_

_But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain_  
_Because you know it all and I guess things will never change_  
_But you might need my hand when falling in your hole_  
_Your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go_  
_You and me we're through_  
_And rearranged_

_It seems that you're not satisfied_  
_There's too much on your mind_  
_So you leave and I can't believe all the bullshit that I find_  
_Life is overwhelming_  
_Heavy is the head that wears the crown_  
_I'd love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down_

_But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain_  
_Because you know it all and I guess things will never change_  
_But you might need my hand when falling in your hole_  
_Your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go_  
_You and me we're through_  
_And rearranged_

_You're no good_

_For me_  
_Thank God its over_

_You make believe_  
_That nothing is wrong until you're crying_  
_You make believe_  
_That life is so long until you're dying_  
_You make believe_  
_That nothing is wrong until you're crying_  
_Crying on me_  
_You make believe_  
_That life is so long until you're dying_  
_Dying on me!_

_You think everybody's the same_  
_You think that everybody's the same_  
_I don't think that anybody's like you_  
_(You ruin everything and you kept fucking with me until its over and I won't)_  
_You think that everybody's the same_  
_I don't think that anybody's like you_  
_Be the same_

_Just think about it!_  
_You get it?"_

_

* * *

_

Philip strolled through the corridors at a very fast pace to find a place where he could rearrange his thoughts together and figure what his next step would be. She had cheated on him! And with HIM above all people! What the hell was she thinking?

What was going to happen now?

His children,** their **children? What would happen to everything Mary had worked very hard to build for them?

She would file custody, and ask for an annulment, under which on normal circumstances she would be even granted full custody and Philip would sail back to Bavaria. But she had committed adultery, and with the lowest of subjects, her cousin's subject, he had the upper hand here. Nonetheless it worried him how much she knew him.

Mary better than anyone, knew Philip would not file for a divorce and openly stain his reputation and risk all his of the monthly pensions he received from her father. They had kept appearance for more than three years, not including the year that he was out in battle for her and her father! He would not drag her good name through the mud, nor the house of Tudor for that matter when that house had given him many chances to redeem his shameful name from his family members; after wasting away all his money in useless investments that left him near penury. The King had allowed him to marry his eldest daughter and second in line for his throne, and not only that but thanks to his late cousin, his former consort, he had been secured an attractive pension and several states near Kent where the old Boleyn family used to live -after their last Patriarch finally passed away. It was a great price to pay for the hope that the King might beget heirs, if not from his wife, Anne of Cleves at the time, then his eldest daughter and only pearl, Mary.

Philip could not forget all that the King had done for him. He had allowed their children a line in the place of succession. To betray him, because that is what it would be: betrayal; by telling the whole world just what kind of daughter the King had would seem ungrateful, and his children could loose their place in the succession. He could not deprive them of that opportunity, it would be unfair.

His family would not receive him in high spirits after the stunt he pulled last year that had nearly killed him in one of the many towns being raided in Italy by the French and allied troops alike.

He had left his family's loyalty in exchange for riches and so their children would one day be Kings and annexing Bavaria to England, and they would be remembered as the greatest Kings England had ever seen.

All of his life had come up to this point, where he was thinking of his family, the family he had made with Mary, and his wife. Would he betray her? Could he expect the King to be merciful to her, and not exclude Henry and Philip from the succession? Would Mary understand?

It was not betrayal, he told his conscience.

_'She did it to me first, I am merely returning the favor'_

_**B**__**ut are you willing to put her through all that hell Philip?**_ -his conscience asked back. **_You will stand in the back of the trial seeing the love of her life_** -it emphasized on the word 'love'-_** not you but him, being judged and afterward stripped of all his honors? Would you make her watch Philip? **_

_**Would you? **_-It kept screaming and he jumped in fright at hearing it continue.

"Stop it. Stop it" he begged clutching his head.

Philip's pain stopped when he heard screams coming from one of the lower chambers in the castle. Last time he'd heard this establishment did not advocate torture. Then again, many things had changed since Henry had become Head of the Supreme Church. People were being executed daily, Catholics and Lutherans alike. Even the butcher down the street could become an executioner if the King so desired it. His own cook had been commanded on several occasions (when servants were caught stealing from his nobles) the offenders' hands.

What the King had been in his youth and what he'd become now, was a totally different person. He had become to Philip and everyone around him, a complete monster, almost obscene for the people that had to tend to the ulcer in his leg. His own servants had heard from the King's that it was completely disgusting and one young intern from Dr. Butts had thrown up a week ago when he was told to change the bandages. He of course, received a beating from Henry.

There were just no limits to the King's cruelty. It was scary and it made Philip's skin crawl as he kept following the screams.

It led him down a narrow corridor that he never knew existed, that nobody in this castle were supposed to know save a few.

When he reached his unplanned destination, he found a large door. He tried opening it, but it was safely locked from the inside; but he kept trying hearing the screams more and more. At last he gave up and collapses from exhaustion on the floor, his knees buckling from frustration and feeling like he was no good at all. He could kill many men, force his wife to stay with him, but he could not have the strength to open a door?  
How pathetic was that?

He jerked his head up and immediately rose to his feet as he heard heavy footsteps. When the door opened, Philip saw the Master Secretary, Thomas Cromwell and Earl of Essex.

His eyebrows rose and from his eyes came a questioning look. "What is going on here?" He demanded to the master secretary.

None of your business, Thomas Cromwell wanted to say, but he didn't feel like he was in the mood for another argument, not after the torture he had witnessed. And it was part of their plan to "expose" the Duke's wife for the whore she was and pinning all the blame of the Queen's miscarriage on her.

* * *

They had finally gotten the confession they wanted. They were not going to lay it to waste.

"Who is it?" Edward Seymour asked hearing someone banging from the outside at the door. Someone had discovered the King's torture chamber. It was unexpected and needed to be taken care of.

He and all the others turned to Thomas Cromwell. He needed to get out of the room anyway, Edward thought that if the man continued here for one more second he would faint. It was not an easy sight to see, Edward himself was having troubles keeping up his calmed demeanor after watching the man being lashed constantly by the guard holding the leather whip.

He was not a monster, he was not the bad guy. He was just trying to do his job. Not many people would understand what he was trying to do, but in a country where there were enemies everywhere and where the inquisition was threatening to take England as it happened in Spain, they -he and a few other good patriots- had to do whatever possible not to let that happen.

To protect freedom and liberty, and the right to happiness it was necessary in times like these, to sacrifice these natural gifts that God gave man and woman.

Thomas Cromwell turned on his heel and went to answer the door having a good idea who it was, as did Edward but he liked playing dumb like his brother (when it was convenient) to avoid suspicions from his enemies. And to this point he still considered Cromwell an enemy. The only reason why he (yet) hadn't got rid of him, was because Edward along with others who followed the reformed faith, considered the master secretary a necessary evil in order to cleanse God's green earth from the impurities of the Catholic Church.

After Thomas Cromwell returned, he told them they would not have to worry anymore about the Duke, leaving no space for questions as he moved on to the next topic.

"He will agree to our terms, just as long as the Lords Henry and Philip remain in the succession" He explained recalling the Duke's agreement to keep his silence about this whole matter. He had been made an unwilling party to this plot. But even as deceptive as Philip Wittelsbach could be, he had ulterior and very good motives to be deceptive. Philip was doing it for the sake of his children. If their mother fell so did they, and the last thing all of England wanted was Civil war with the half German heirs going to war to claim the crown for them after their uncle Edward.

England had seen enough violence already. Too much blood on their hands, it was time for them to put a stop.

With the confession of the cook who thought he was doing his lady's work, hopefully it would put an end to all this bloodshed and secure peace for this Kingdom from all its heresies.

* * *

He felt sick to the pit of his stomach when Thomas told him of what the men planned to do to get rid of his wife, and arrange for the succession. They did not trust Edward their golden boy would live long, and Philip knew why. The boy was often sick, he had first gotten sick when he had been three years old, and if it wasn't for his wife or Lady Braynt, his governess, who noticed, the Prince would have died and his wife would have been first in line still.

A major disaster it would be for England if Mary took the throne. His wife was proud as she was stubborn. Beautiful little wench that she was, she thought herself above everyone else, including him. He would never be crowned Consort, her advisers and including Parliament would never allow it, so Philip had better luck with having at least one of his sons, mainly Henry (for Philip had been punished by God for the sins of his parents) become King and he content with being the power behind his son's throne acceded with the others conspirators responsible for the Queen's miscarriage.

* * *

Mary could feel something was not right. She didn't know how or why, she just felt it. Something in her mind told her that this wasn't over yet. Something terrible, very terrible had happened and she was afraid for the life of her children, and the unborn child she carried.

"Be calm" she begged to it placing her callused palms on her stomach. The children were becoming very impatient, they kicked more often, it was as if they shared their mother's concerns that something wasn't right and worried over their safety above their mother's.

* * *

**A/N: That will be all for now, for now there is no column of fact vs fiction, for there is no relevance to it right now, however there will be one in upcoming chapters as you see Katherine Parr, now Seymour being governess to Mary's children, especially to Henry, will become a huge influence in his life when he grows up.**

**You know the drill!**

**REVIEW!  
**


	47. Blindfold

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
**

**A/N: Sorry for all the late updates but I am busy with midterms and homework that is keeping me from writing, and I had been on writer's block recently. So far I realize that for the same reasons I just stated there hasn't been a lot of response to this story or to others, but I promise more chapters after the holidays will come, we are coming very close to the climax now.  
Thanks all of my reviewers, keep those reviews coming!**

**For this chapter I recommend you hear Trobar de Morte -_Song of Stones_.  
**

**~Carolina  
**

* * *

_"Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it, instead of love wasted on ingrates ...  
represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all fours, who, because of his "divine spiritual and intellectual development" has become most vicious animal of all" _**~The Satanic Bible by Anton Z. La Vey**_  
_

_

* * *

_

Philip, he thought shouting the name like venom in his mind. God forbid if he ever walked his weathered leather shoes, so he could see what it felt to be old, alone and in near destitution, but above all, having to see the person you love so fallen from grace.

He had not a single clue in that thick skull of his how far was he willing to go for his loved ones. He had made a vow never to let anyone, as long as he lived, die. He intended to keep that promise even if he had to kill.

Two weeks had passed since the Queen's miscarriage and to cure her humors and feeling of disgrace for having failed in producing a male heir like her ill fated cousin, Anne Boleyn, the King had fallen prey to her every whim. That was understandable, given her grief a husband's responsibility was to be by his wife consoling her. But this was too much!

It was a mockery of their holy sacrament. The child had not been given a chance to its first breath and yet they were treating it like it was a Christian soul requiring it be granted its last rites before it stood its last judgment to God.

Children who were baptized could be granted their last rites and be allowed to be judged by the almighty before entering the gates of heaven, NOT miscarriages who couldn't be considered lives, Christian lives.

Eustace shook his head and diverted his gaze from the heretic Archbishop of Canterbury to his lady, the Princess and Duchess Mary. She was doing her best not to look downcast or guilty. Now that the rest of the public were murmuring that she was the real culprit behind the Queen's miscarriage and the man who had poisoned her food, she had to watch what she did, said or how she looked.

Mary wore a solemn look on her voice, but her eyes were steady looking at the front of where the ceremony was being performed. She did not seem to bear any guilt for they both knew she had nothing to do with it, but not everyone was as open minded as they were.

Philip had already made his mind about his wife and her lover. Eustace had kept a close eye on Philip after his last visit to Mary's chambers. His suspicions of Philip's actions were proving to be correct. After the initial reports that Fleming gave him by one of the servants in the Duke's service that Eustace had bought. He found out that Philip had been in constant communication with the Earl of Hertford, John Dudley -the Lord Lisle, and last but not least the two men that Eustace had more to worry about for the welfare of the Princess, the Master Secretary Cromwell and the Archbishop Cranmer second head of the English Church.

Philip probably foresaw that if she was ever crowned Queen, Mary would never make him his King or give him the same power as she would wield, therefore he saw a better chance through his sons, mainly his youngest, Henry.

Ironic, Chapuys smirked. That his bastard son was proving to be a greater prodigy than his legitimate male counterparts, his uncle and eldest brother.

So above his elders and younger rivals, he had achieved what his mother and eldest brother never could: fame and glory. His grandfather like he had previously with his bastard son, Fitzroy, given Henry many titles and sat him on his knee despite complaining often to Chapuys and Van der Defelt, his replacement that he was to sick to even walk or hold something of larger weight on his knee.

Henry, he looked at the boy sitting next to the King and Queen. He was taller than boys his age, he heard how could now master Greek better than his uncle and his tutors could no longer teach him anything supposedly Henry had already devoured all the books they gave him so to speak.

He had a hunger for knowledge, Eustace gave him that, but he must not forget that the boy was part Tudor and he showed the same pride and other defects such as the royal arrogance and despotism that his grandfather had much of. Then there was those eyes of him. When he first laid eyes on Henry, he saw the eyes of his lady. But now they were more haunting and a sense of guilt that formed a knot in his throat, and it felt like he was being punched in the stomach when the boy briefly glanced at him. Eustace saw the man he would one day become, cynic, intelligent, patient, resilient and calm despite being arrogant and boastful now.

For the other country's sake he hoped that this Henry would never become King because unlike this current Henry, future Henry would be a force to reckon.

* * *

_"When I was very little, my father used to say no matter what parents do, they are your parents good or bad you are bound to them by natural order. As I grew up and I see myself lonely and desperate to seek hope, I find myself seeing this true. No matter how much I cut, how much they do to me I will always be by their side, good or bad and that alone is my condemnation and an obstacle against my salvation"_

**~When daddy comes by Anonymous**

* * *

_[Flashback]_

_She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't keep on with the pressure, the lies, the fake smiles, the parties, and overall the weight of the crown and the responsibilities it carried. She had been on the brink of a mental breakdown when she found out her husband was going to Calais and later to Bologna to fight the King of the Franks. She thought herself useless to lead the local affairs. She was a wife, a stepmother and organizer of many feasts not a regent or stateswoman; however it was his letters and his confidence in her that brought her strength and in the moment she had traveled North to Yorkshire with Elizabeth, and her other ladies she had been un-sexed. The people saw the way she could be man and woman at the same time when she spoke in favor of her husband and led the campaign to collect dowries and enforce the people of her country to pay for her husband's expensive war campaign._

_Kitty had gained the respect, love, and admiration of her countrymen._

_That was back then. Now it was different. Her only hope to succeed where many other consorts had failed, was gone. It was too much, and it had all boiled down to this misfortune._

_Kitty slipped passed her cold hands underneath her nightgown, attempting to stop the rapid flow blood escaping from her crotch, she screamed when she felt something heavy touch her now sweaty palms. Kitty screamed when she saw what **it** was._

_**It**, her child. Her own boy, her precious little boy!_

_Her own child, her flesh and bone was ... gone._

_Mary! This had to be her, who else would be willing to do such a horrible thing to her?_

_After Kitty had been cleaned up and the servants came to take her dead baby, the remnants of it, away from his desperate mother. "It was Mary! It was Mary!" she kept shouting against hte mainstream of mayhem that had come her way because of Mary Tudor!_

_Her ladies kept telling her it was all a misunderstanding, not to believe the evidence of a lowly cook, but Katherine Howard did not care who or where the evidence was and where it cam from respectively. All she knew was that Mary was probably in her bed fucking Philip of Bavaria and that she was rejoicing the loss of her child, it brought her closer to the throne._

_Damn you Mary, Kitty thought, crying on her chief and first lady of the bedchamber, Lady Rochford, Jane Boleyn who held Kitty in her arms the way only a mother could to her afflicted daughter._

_"It is alright, it will all be alright Kitty" but unlike other times, Jane's voice was broken after she spoke the lie to her broken mistress and queen. Everyone who was close, had to look away from the sad scene to avoid crying. They were all very close or had come to be, to their young and merry Queen, since Anne Boleyn and a young Katherine of Aragon the English Court had never been witnessed again to such an enthusiastic and graceful woman like was the Howard woman._

_Broken, used, a failure, how Kitty felt right now. She failed just like her cousin, and now the King would blame her, she was sure of it. He loved his children too much to pin it all against Mary, unless Kitty groveled to the King of England's feet, he would have her locked up in the highest and coldest room of the tower of London to await her inevitable execution._

_"Why is this happening to me?" Kitty shouted gripping Jane harder. She swore she could still feel the life inside her kick. No, it could not all be gone, his soul was still with her. It was calling to her, an appeal against abandoning it. But she had behaved like she always had, obeying instead of thinking for herself -like her ill fated cousin Anne Boleyn always did. She never obeyed, she never asked and stopped to think if something was okay or not, whatever she wanted she would have it because she would do things instead of succumbing to sadness like she did!_  
_Her mind protested against her conscience that was telling her not to take it against Mary, but how could she not. That little wench had been the cause of all her troubles, ever since she became her father's wife after the death of Anne of Cleves, she had done nothing but mistreat and publicly humiliate Kitty whenever she had the chance._

_Flaunting her large belly, the Spanish Tudor, they all said, always did her duty with grace and without complaint. They thought Mary was some kind of fertility goddess. Bah! They didn't know the real Mary, the one everyone in her family had been exposed. The one who denied and neglected her poor children only because her husband would not grovel to his knees like her staunchly catholic servants did, especially those three. Her two lead ladies in waiting, Susan Clarenciux, Jane Dormer, and the midwife who had been present at all her deliveries, Elsa de Goya._

_They were all in a conspiracy against her, they had to be otherwise why would the servant who worked in the kitchens be so devoted to Mary, that he spoke so openly about it?_

_Something didn't make sense though, thick as they accused her to be, Kitty knew that no devotion could extend so far, and absolutely make a man confess so quickly before the worst of punishments. Maybe it is not even Mary -her mind spoke, but she drove the voice away. No! She wasn't going to fall for that again. It was Mary, no one else had to gain from her child's death but Mary._

_Kitty screamed harder after she heard Jane's shrewd voice, her sharp tongue had returned. "The King of England, he can't see you like this" She told her but Kitty didn't listen, she intended the King to see her this distraught, maybe then he will take pity on me, and blame his ungrateful daughter instead._

_Henry who just came in to his wife's chambers was surprised to see that the bedsheets had still not been changed, when he asked one of her ladies, Joan, why, she answered "It is her Majesty's wish that she keep something of the child" Henry shifted his gaze to his wife who was still being held by Jane Rochford. He dismissed all of the people in her chambers, leaving only him and his distraught queen._

_Cursed missed opportunities, he thought. That child could have been my future successor if Edward did not survive long enough to become the King me and Jane would have want him to be._

_So many dreams, hopes for that child that Kitty was miscarried, forced to miscarry his mind corrected. Now all gone and who was to blame? He didn't want to think his daughter was capable of such things, so he had ignored the accussations from the man responsible for killing his unborn son. He was the one who would face execution and all the weight of the law would be laid on his shoulders, not his Mary. She who had been his pearl, his heart and joy for so long, and -his mind added- brought you more male heirs to the Tudor line, could not be guilty of such attrocities._

_This was the work of a fanatic who believed he was doing God's work, nothing else._

_When she heard Henry's voice it was like hearing an angel. Henry had always been gentle and soft to her, he had never in the years they'd been married, raised her voice against her. There was the occasional coldness that took some time for Kitty to get used to, but beyond that she never received one reprimand from her husband. The key to their successful marriage, Kitty hated to admit it now that she heard Henry speak with such fervor, rising to his eldest daughter's defense, was Mary's two sons. Without them Kitty would not have endured for so long in the position of Queen._

_As long as there were male heirs in the Tudor cradle, that was all that mattered to Henry._

_But that did not mean that Henry wanted another son of his own to name Henry, like his grandson and himself, to take after the throne and have history be repeated. Another Henry, another Duke of York to bear the greatness of his father and forefathers he was named after. That had always been Henry's dream, and Kitty was so close. "So close" she said aloud. "We had been so close" she repeated. To having another Tudor, a direct descendant of Henry, to take after his father. He would have made a great King, just imagine it. Boastful, proud, merry and jovial like his parents. Howard and Tudor what more could you ask for there? She was not the commoner or wench that her enemies made her out to be. Through her veins ran the noble and **royal** bloodlines of the Howard family and the Plantagenet respectively. She descended as her cousin Anne Boleyn, from one of the many Edwards and Plantagenets._

_You could say she was far more royal than her husband was, but that didn't make her be more arrogant or flaunt her bloodline at Henry like his first Katherine and "wife", Katherine of Aragon, Mary's mother often did to belittle him._

_In their marriage there were never talks of superiority or matters of state. Theirs was a true marriage, one which focused only on their happiness, pageants, and other festivals that were organized in honor of his young rose. "My rose without thorns" he called to her cradling her in his arms. Poor child, she did not knew what she spoke. She was distraught, their boy had been lost to a fanatical Roman Catholic, "one who will pay sweetheart for all that he has caused to you and ... to me" he said his tone demanding obedience and patience from the young Queen._

_Kitty calmed herself only when she heard Henry's tone becoming cold. But she would not, she vowed, stop demanding from Henry to cease control of his daughter, of everything that was hers and punish her for being the mastermind behind this evil plot._

* * *

**Westminster Abbey: Funeral Service  
**

Mary could not believe it when Susan had spoken. "You" How could they believe she had anything to do with it? True, she had more to gain from Kitty's miscarriage than anyone else in this forsaken Isle, but she would never do or wish such a tragedy to anyone, less of all Kitty who had been carrying her brother.

She had hoped that Kitty would not jump to lunacy and start blaming her as well, but to her misfortune that is just what happened. Kitty was not the same after she lost her first child and son. She pressured her father and Majesty to have a funeral for their dead son. Her father was against it, everyone was, including the suspected of heresy, Cranmer, Seymours and the Lord Lisle factions who all believed no matter to which religious group they belonged, like the true faith that a soul could not be mourned unless he or she was first born or baptized.

That did not matter to Kitty who kept pushing and pushing until, like so many times before, she got what she wanted.

Mary was forced by her husband to attend mass.

It was a mockery, a sacrilege, she thought of the sacraments. The dead child ought to have been burn like all other poor souls had been when they'd been miscarried. This was to what England had been reduced, heresy and sacrilege. It was very sad and pitiful when the King of England was forced to succumb to his wife's every whim.

The mass was spoken in English, something she detected. Outside of this violation, clearly a heresy and product of Cranmer and Doctor Butt's influence with her father, the service was completely orthodox reminiscent of a true Catholic mass.

Mary miss the days when mass would be taught in Latin, she missed the day when she was forced to attend, no matter how tired, dreary, or sick she might be. Her mother and Lady Salisbury would always be there to drag her to the chapel and make her appreciate the beauties of the gospels, the preaching of the holy men (true servants of God unlike Cranmer, and other flock of loyal followers who waited to be guided by the devil's loyal servant) and the beauty of the church's architecture. The building so tall, the Gothic cathedrals with their pointed arches standing tall and proud, meant to make you feel like you were only a spec of dust, God's presence much larger and incapable of understanding.

Now these men had invaded England with their heresies, their new philosophies, some going so far as to say that men could be as mighty as God, and alter nature, control the heaven, and make the angels submit to their magic.

How could her father have allowed this to happen, for England to stoop so low?

"They are going to end the service soon?" she couldn't help but ask Philip who had been very attentive to his wife's welfare.

She wished she could find more about Philip's schemes. She knew he was planning something, otherwise he would not be paying so close attention to her, or send for their sons to be with them at the Queen's mercy. Mary had been scared at first when Philip made that request, but she found out later through Susan (and Fleming) that the Queen was the first to request their presence. Mary was surprised, she suspected the Duke of Norfolk and Kitty would try to take revenge instead against her boys. To her great relief and even greater surprise, it was none of that.

Kitty had no intentions of hurting her step grandchildren, quite the contrary, she explained to her bewildered uncle and Jane Boleyn. She could not take the life of innocent children, she was not someone without a conscience like her stepdaughter.

Punishment would come to Mary, Kitty was certain. She was going to get what she deserved, but as for her children, the only security her husband had to continue his line and secure their rule, was through those little boys whom she would become their mother once their real one was put to death.

Whatever the rumors of what really happened, Mary only cared for the welfare of her children and the unborn she carried. Be what it may, she would not anyone or anything bring harm on them.

She had not spoke to Eustace ever since he had come to bring comfort after Philip had punish her for the first time in their unhappy marriage. He must have known beforehand what happened, it was the only reason why he'd come. There were many things that Fleming was not telling her or Susan, she had to see Eustace to find out just how deep her problems and these accusations against her were, as well as the gossip and rumors flying around that she was carrying an illicit affair behind Philip's back. Did they suspect them? Did they suspect Eustace? Mary looked into the eyes of her husband wanting to find some pity left in him for her, but she found none.

He wanted to punish her in such a way that her lover would suffer as well. Mary was fearful that Philip could be the reason of the rumor that she was having a love affair. What she was more afraid of, but she never showed or voiced it to Philip, was that he would attach Eustace's names to these rumors so the people would put two and two together.  
What better revenge than to see the Ambassador so fallen from grace, from favor from his own master, the King of England and his own family (as soon as they heard it) abroad?

"Don't ask questions you already know the answer" He answered feigning calmness, inside he was fuming with impatience. The King was supposed to believe the Queen, why was something not being done to process his wife? He thought back to his secret conversations with Cranmer. He promised it would all be over before the fall began. It was already fall and nothing had happened. The King was making no move against his eldest daughter however damning the evidence that had been accumulating against her was.

_It was only a setback_, Philip told himself,_ soon she would be so fallen from grace, she would have not a single friend in this Court._

Broadening his smile at her he thought _'you better watch yourself'_ and added to his previous response "Don't be troubling yourself my dear you will get to hear the end of this soon"

Philip's smile worried her, and so did his sudden, maddening glint in his eyes.

* * *

**Whitehall Palace: Queen's Bedchamber**

Philip and Henry expressed his sympathies for Kitty's loss, and his uncle's death after the funeral in Westminster was over and the entire Court retired to London Borough, Whitehall Palace where their parents and the rest of their family were residing for the time being, at least until the Queen's time of mourning ended, Kate explained to them.

Kitty knelt in front of them after they were done talking and dismissed all of their servants, except for their governess the Lady Seymour.

She embraced the younger one first, her favorite, Henry. Her Henry, she thought of him as her own son. He was a strong and pretty boy. A ladies' man, she foresaw he would take after his Plantagenet and Tudor ancestors in contrast to his puritan Spanish and German forefathers.

"My, you've grown" she exclaimed. It was her Henry, young Hal who always brought Kitty happiness just seeing him reminded her of all the good things that life still had to offer.

The Queen looked behind the boy's shoulders. "You have done an amazing job Lady Seymour with him" she told their governess.

Philip clenched his teeth. Kitty said "him" not "them". Typical, it always had to be Henry the one to steal attention. He was the firstborn, the heir next in line to the throne of England and Bavaria after his parents and uncle, and it was Henry instead who got titles, castles, lands, and more servants! It was too much for his younger brother.

Kate smiled and bowed one more time to Her Majesty. She had nothing but the utmost respect and felt deep gratitude, and admiration for the young Queen. She could have decided to harm or allow harm to come to her step grandchildren, but instead she had become more of a mother figure to them. The only thing that Kate would object though, but she didn't want to voice this thought, Royals were not very fond when they were contradicted and given the Queen's jump to madness with that mock ceremony; this was not a good time to contradict her.

"It is my honor to serve such a gifted boy. He is my life after my own family" She was devoted to Henry, she mentally added. Henry had become her obsession. Someday Henry would become King, and a strong and prouder King than what Edward would be. He had to be guided by the right people.

Not so long ago Kate had written something in honor of Henry and his grandfather, their King. She had sent a copy to her youngest student, Henry. He promised he would write to his grandfather, and he never broke his promise. Soon as he finished reading it (only three days, he told Kate proudly he was a fast reader and by far it had been the best book he'd read) "Prayers and Meditations" he wrote to his grandfather and step grandmother, and they impressed by Kate's prowess in her writing style to be so bold, and her use of rhetoric when she was brought before their presence and explained how the book defended the King's supremacy and the reason for why God had chosen England to be the light of the world against the darkness and superstition that had engulfed Europe for more than twelve centuries; had published her book nationwide. It had become a bestseller and even her husband was astounded by the level of success in which the book was sold and now being taught at the order of His Majesty in the universities such as Cambridge. The place where men of the true faith and hungry for knowledge came, men who knew and respected Kate for her first publication.

Kitty shifted her gaze to Philip. Kate's remained at Henry. There was another book she was currently working on, one that would be bolder and more outrageous in terms of speaking for the Lutheran and other radical faiths that Henry VIII was not yet (and she suspected he never would as long as he had Gardiner and his recent Chancellor -after the death of Audley- Wriothesley, by his side) willing to accept as many of the conservative faction that remained in England. But someday hopefully, when her boy's uncle or he himself was King, her book would be out, and it would be a cry for freedom and true. She already knew the title "Lamentations of a sinner".

"Philip, you look better. I missed you two my little boy" she said very sweetly. She was careful when she touched Philip, he was like a frail doll. She had to be careful not to harm him, after Edward he would be the next in line but nobody was sure he could handle the pressures of being King, or reach manhood. Kitty loved him nonetheless, he was too her little sun in the night sky and reminded her that her pain was nothing next to his.

After all the formalities they all sat next to the Queen on her large sofa and began telling her of their new toys, and all their new accomplishments since they last saw her.

Kate and Kitty giggled. Henry loved to boast and exaggerate on his academic achievements, nonetheless Kitty thought it important that as soon as their mother was out of the picture, they be moved, she was sure their grandfather would agree, to the Prince of Wales' little school the King had set up for him and his companions, many of them the sons of this closest members of his Privy Council.

Henry would get the education that his mother never allowed him. The men of the new faith as their current instructors, well qualified, were not enough for Henry. He deserved more, he deserved better and Kitty would make sure that the boy missed nothing in his upbringing to guide him towards his destiny.

"Can we play a game Kitty?" Henry asked tapping his knees impatiently seeing Kitty shift her gaze at Philip instead of him.

Kate put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. They had to do something about that temper of his, reminiscent to his grandfather's.

* * *

**A/N: What will happen now?**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***Katherine Parr did have one child as said in this AU. However her daughter Mary Seymour is speculated died when she was left in the care of the widow of the Duchess Dowager of Suffolk, who did mind taking care of her, after Thomas Seymour was beheaded. She did not take a lot of care for this infant and so since there stops being record after one year into her birth, it is thought the infant died. Kate Parr died just after childbirth.**

***Katherine Parr did write "Prayers and meditations" in 1545, and in fact it became Lady Elizabeth Tudor's new year's gift for her father in 1546, well learned and hungry for more, Elizabeth gave her father a Latin translation of her stepmother's book that she herself (Elizabeth) translated to her father. The title is not the full title. In it Henry only allowed it to be published and circulated, by the way becoming one of the best sellers for its time; because it defended the Anglican church, his actions and the tone of the book was not too Lutheran.  
Her last book "Lamentations of a sinner" was finished in 1546 and okeyed by Cranmer, however because the book's language was bolder and spoke openly for the advocation of free speech of Lutheran thought and other Protestant ideologies, Katherine suppresed her wishes to publish it. It was not published until 1548 in the reign of Edward VI where he allowed freedom of speech for radical new thinking**

***The "school" Henry sets up for Edward described here was actually real. Set up however in real life in 1543, when the Prince of Wales after October, became six years, Henry set up a small elementary schooling for his son and not to have him study alone and form friendships with men close to him, he sent the sons of these men to be his son's classmates. Among the tutors mentioned in this chapter is Dr. Richard Cox who was of Cambridge, and yes he did teach the young Prince, Greek. In fact as Kate mentioned in this chapter, many men from Cambridge tended to be partisans of the Lutheran or Calvinist influenced faction.**

**As for me, yes I have read the satanic bible and the satanic witch both by the same author, Anton Szander La Vey, and I will tell you this, if you want to broaden your knowledge and your minds, do so and read these books and you will see satanism is not about devil worshiping or sacrificing innocent victims, but is rather of empowering a person and they are atheists.  
**

**That is all for now, you know which button to push and:**

**REVIEW!  
**


	48. Non compos mentis

_"Here by my side -an angel,  
here by my side -the devil ... Never turn your back on me  
Never turn back on me again.  
Here by my side is heaven,  
here by my side you are destruction...  
Here by my side a new color to paint the world ...  
Never turn you back on me again ...  
Here by my side it's heaven"_

**_~Weapon _by Mathew Good**

* * *

Mary couldn't begin to process all the information that Eustace was giving to her. He was suggesting that she lied, just like what her mother was accused of all her life when she married her father. Lie and pretend the pregnancy did not exist.

She couldn't do that! They were her children, it was possibly just one baby, but a life nonetheless hers! What did she care what the others at Court thought. The poor, petty, pathetic, adult princess, queen in waiting who married the wrong man and also fell in love with the wrong person, deny her flesh and blood their own birthright? These babies would be the unborn grandchildren of the greatest monarchs to ever walked on Christendom, Fernando and Isabel of Aragon and Castilla respectively. How could he ask her such a thing?

It was preposterous and he should be ashamed by it.

It was one thing to have Philip and the rest of the Court ask her to give up the children, her shame, but for Eustace? And worse, through Fleming! He wasn't even coming directly to her with this proposal, he was too coward for that, instead he was sending his lackeys to do his dirty work!

Damn all the court and the rest of her father's council. Who needed them? She certainly did not, she thought drinking from goblet.

This was her third cup, after she finished she filled it up again and she could hear Susan's protests.

"You have drunk too much already" Oh, what did she care? _She is only with me because I am the only mistress she could find a job with, as soon as I die,_ Mary ventured. Susan would go just as the rest of her maids. Nobody would want to be associated with a mistress in disgrace.

Philip was already punishing her for her sins. Mary drank the cold liquid. How many hours since his last visit? Two, perhaps three? Maybe four …?

Mary shook her concerns for Philip's welfare away from her mind. Wherever he was it was of no concern to her. She was right where she wanted to be, Duchess of Bavaria with two more heirs to give to the crown. Nobody could touch her, if they did Philip and the rest of his family, and his heretic league would sprung to her defense. They would not benefit if the alliance was broken through her death, her heirs were the only card they had to get closer to the English throne.  
They had no proof, besides, that her babies were not her husband's.

For all Philip knew the time it took to conceive them they could well be his, and he was just making a fool of himself, as he usually loved doing.

It had been an arranged marriage but one based on love and truth, unlike her mother she was sure she would always be happy with her beloved. There were no empty promises or hidden truths, at least that is what Mary wanted to believe but the more she grew closer to the date of her wedding, slowly she realized that the person she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with was not Philip but one Savoyard ambassador who had always been her true friend, and confidant.

_Eustace Chapuys._

He was the only man whom her heart belonged, and she had ruined their love for a title_. God,_ she thought, _I could not have acted more wrong in my life._

She began to laugh and dropped her goblet. It landed on the floor along with the near empty jar of wine, sending a loud shattering sound that was heard from across her bed chamber into the parlor.

"Mary please behave yourself!" Susan chastised to her drunken mistress.

"Oh what do you care Susan" she answered going to stand up. Susan rushed to her aide after the shattered pieces of glass and metal were picked up. "I am quite capable of looking after myself!" She yelled at Susan who was being helped by Jane and Elsa to prevent her from tripping.

"You are drunk Mary" Susan hissed and it caused Mary to laugh even harder.

She clapped and mockingly remarked "Thanks for stating the obvious S-Susan, you are so observant my dear! You should be given a medal, you are far better at observing and blabbering that the members of Parliament!"

They dumped her on the bed, handling the duchess with great care for she was in her third trimester. Inside Susan wanted to bang Mary's head against the wall and knock good sense into her, Princess or not she was acting as a jerk and no better than the people she didn't want to be associated with.

What a joke? What a good waste of talent. Susan shook her head looking at Mary very disapprovingly. All it had taken was one small disregard from the holy sacraments of marriage, the more sacred in Susan's opinion of all sacraments, and alcohol to accelerate Mary's fall from grace. She did not know how dangerous her words were, how close she was now from losing her head.

Nobody would come to rescue her, she had no knights in shining silver armor to pick her up in their majestic white horses. Mary had to face the reality, that for the first time in her life she was utterly alone. The Emperor wanted to be as far from this matter as possible.

Mary was ignorant of the facts, she was despot and proud like her father and Spanish ancestors. Her bloodline made her think she was better and far more superior than anyone, and above all that she, Mary Tudor, bastardized Princess and Duchess of Bavaria, was above the law.

Well, Susan thought, she isn't. Nobody is above the law anymore. There was no order, only chaos in Tudor England. If her father had pushed her mother to live in an isolated castle far from anyone who could have brought the true queen comfort, especially to keep her from her daughter, then he could easily bring her daughter to crawl on her bloody knees. England had seen worst things that that. The Tudors were not about to bring this kingdom any normalcy.

Mary spit her own words with venom after she heard Susan telling her how hopeless she was. "You do not know anything!" Mary shouted

Susan shook her head, disgusted as disappointed that the so called people's Princess was now so far from reasoning. "You were supposed to be our Princess, you were going to be Queen Mary I, the first woman to ever rule a Kingdom, a King Mary!" Susan insisted "A King!" She went to grab Mary's shoulders and made eye contact with her, but Mary paid no heed to Susan's protest and continued on laughing and proclaiming how it was she who was supposed to be her father's pearl, not -she emphasized- Elizabeth or her own children.

"What happened to us?"

Mary narrowed her eyebrows and looked in confusion at Susan."What?" She asked puzzled.

"What happened to us?" Her friend repeated, she had gone to retire the rest of Mary's maids and shut all the doors.

Mary waved her hand dismissively at Susan collapsing on her back on the soft mattress, the only thing that could bring the drunken Princess comfort now.

"You know not what you speak of"

Susan looked away, it was too painful for her to view her mistress, her best friend like this. She had always been so controlled, cold when she needed to be but not quite. Mary was no longer the more intelligent and beloved daughter of the King, her sister had now taken that position as being the Queen's kin and favorite. Katherine Howard, since her altercation with Mary, had taken Elizabeth under her wing and always made sure that when Mary came to court_ with_ her family she would see just how much it had cost her.

Elizabeth would be seated at the right, like she was the rightful Princess and the eldest daughter of the King while Mary would be forced to sit in the lower tables and mingle with the lowest of Courtiers. It was not the same for her husband and children, Katherine Howard was not as vindictive as some thought her to be, or as her cousin and their uncle when Mary had refused to pay each the respect they demanded of the forgotten princess.

Susan kept her arms crossed on her chest. It was no use talking to Mary, it was like talking to a wall. No, even a wall had more sense than this thick headed proud, libertine Princess who dared to call herself worthy of carrying the name Tudor.

Oh she was worthy alright, Susan's mind counter argued. And she reflected on everything coming to the conclusion _her highness_ was indeed worthy of that filthy name, Tudor. What she was not worthy was carrying their holy mother's name, the name of their savior, Mary. She gave the true faith and all women a bad name with what she was doing.

Mary moved away from Susan who tried to get her back on her feet. She had given orders without her favorite maid's knowledge to bring her the children, no matter what the queen or their governess had to say. They were her children, Mary had argued with Elsa and Lady Dormer, and nobody was going to take them from her, especially that silly trollop they called 'Her Majesty'.

"Let them see me like this!" Chanted the duchess after having too many useless arguments where Susan had failed to persuade her **_not_** to let sons in, so there wouldn't be the necessity of them seeing their mother at her lowest consumed by alcohol and jealousy/

"You are speaking nonsense Your Grace. Your children are outside Mary and they can already hear your laughter, what will they say to the prince, the brother you swore to protect and give a good example as to your children?" Susan demanded grabbing Mary's arm with every strength she had, forcing the duchess to sit up.

"They can say whatever they want, what do they care? They probably think already I am the worst mother of all"

_Behaving like this,__ you certainly look like the epitome of one!_

She continued to help her mistress and best friend, who was having a hard time standing up without losing balance.

* * *

Susan had given her two full goblets of water, which she took without protest and drank them fully; she had since dismissed her lowest servants after they had dressed again, this time in rich tones of crimson red and purple -the colors of passion and royalty- a dangerous combination with a pearl necklace around her neck and a golden chain with the Lord's crucifix falling to her breasts. After Mary was prepped up to see her sons she found herself to be completely nervous and clueless. What was she supposed to say to them? It had been weeks since she last saw them. A million thoughts circled her mind and they were preventing her from speaking with clarity at the sight of her children.

* * *

Katherine Parr did not want to obey, this time, her master's wife's orders. Her mind told and berated Kate that she was her beloved pupils' mother. Another part of Kate, the part that spoke for reason and for the welfare of all the present ones in the duchess' bedchamber, reminded her that Mary had not been much of a mother for the last two years. Her children hardly knew her, and her attitude regarding them was completely reprehensible.

Drinking in front of the children and -as usual- showing all her affections to the family's favorite, Henry, England's golden boy after the sick, frail, little uncle of his, Prince of Wales -Edward Tudor. Instead of coming closer to her successor to the crown of England. With Kitty's miscarriage and the news that she could -most likely after the heavy loss of blood- never carry children again, the future Duke of Bavaria and Count Palatine would become (if God be willing, Kate inwardly prayed, the boy did not fall to sickness again) their next king after his mother, their Lady and duchess, Mary Tudor.

Be careful what you wish for Kate -her mother had told a young five year old Kate after the old woman had found her praying for a new family that didn't have to sold her off to the highest bidder, and having to put up with her vain and ambitious sister and brother. Right now the old woman's warning hardly mattered to Kate, if there was a way, God forgive her, to prevent the Lady Mary from becoming queen, many lives and innocent souls would be spared.

* * *

"Henry ... dear, dear Henry" Mary slurred kneeling in front of her youngest boy, Chapuys' boy, Henry. She almost lost her balance but she was lucky to have Jane standing next to her with Susan to avoid an embarrassing scene. "How much you have grown"

"Thanks mother" Henry whispered nervously. Mary frowned, her little boy was never this nervous or cold for her. What had that witch Howard done to him? Had she put her boys under the same spell she and her whorish cousin put her father on?

_The only thing good my father ever did-_ Mary attempted to smile for her little boy while thinking at the same time of the last whore's pleas while she was locked up in the tower, to forgive her for all her evil deeds against the true Queen and the Princess, in hopes that she could be judged by all the almighty with a clean conscience, and spare her an eternity in hell where Mary was sure she was now -_was get rid of Anne Boleyn and all that harlot's lovers!_

Philip did not like to be awakened at the middle of the night, when sleep was what his weak body needed to recuperate from the latest collapse he had suffered during the shared lessons with the Prince of Wales, his uncle and with Henry.

Henry nodded when his mother asked him if he was doing good on his studies. His fear and the ackwardness that surrounded him for his mother's broken voice and the smell of alcohol coming from it, he got to his usual self and began trotting around his mother grabbing her dress and drawing more attention -than needed, Philip thought- unto himself, earning looks of approval from his mother and their favorite friend Kate.

"Oh my sweetheart, be careful" Mary chastised but in a soft tone that hardly seem to Henry like he was being reprimanded for his loose behavior. "You don't mama to trip or fall on her knees do you, she very sick right now"

Henry stopped trotting and his small hands touched her swollen belly. He felt immediate response from his brother or sister. Philip and Henry wanted another baby brother, someone whom they could teach new stuff together. For Philip it was the opportunity to drive Henry away, with his new baby brother, and even if she was a baby sister, he could spend more time with someone he would teach new tricks, and above all manners. He didn't want a brother who would be clinging all day on your arm and demanded attention from you twenty four, seven. It was exhausting for Philip to pay attention or play with Henry. He always complained he was too slow, or, too tired to play and that was because Henry was always inconsiderate he wanted the whole world at his feet, he saw only smiles and toys, he didn't see what people felt, how his brother felt after running long distances to catch up with his brother.

It was a constant competition that ruled that brother's life. Philip was too sick and growing too tired of it.

He voiced his thoughts to Kate and his masters, but they never took him seriously. He was going to try now with his mother, drunk and heavy as she was, a miracle might happen.

"Mama" Philip cleared his throat and spoke to his tumbling mother. Mary turned to her oldest son, she had vague memories of his birth but she could remember that it had almost cost her life and that of her unborn child.

Philip, his father and her husband, the King, his grandfather and everyone at Court had cheered for the future German Duke, seeing his birth as a blessing.

"Yes sweetheart?" Mary promised herself after her father had bastardized her and Elizabeth and sent her away to Hackney after killing Anne Boleyn, that if she ever had children she would not have preference over any of them, she would love everyone, she'd vowed praying to the holy virgin, her namesake, with her mother's rosary.

Seeing Philip's pale face and very thin cheekbones she realized she had broken her promise.

The oldest son swallowed, he would not get any good remarks after this but he had to say it. "If I have a new baby brother or sister, can I hold her?" _Stupid, stupid, stupid Philip_, he thought.

Her mother cocked her head to the side and knitted her eyebrows in confusion. "Well of course" she brought back a smile to her face pinching her son's pale cheeks. "You will always be the older brother no matter what." Upon Philip narrowing his eyes, she added -"_and_ **you** will teach your sibling all the good things that there is to be in life sweetheart."

Philip smiled in triumph, for he had scored greater than Henry this time. _No matter what_, his mother made it clear that _he _will always be the older brother. The man of the house and the future King. If with God's blessing he had children, then his lineage would be secure -and little Henry would never have to sit on **his** throne.

* * *

Kate hid her hands behind her back, pulling her fingers constantly. It was a nervous tick she had displayed as a child and as an adult after her third marriage with Thomas, it had gone away until recently.

She didn't like one bit this race for power the brothers were displaying when they were still very young. _Children grow_, Thomas had told her after she would relate her experiences in Hever. _Yes they do,_ thought Kate looking down at Philip with apprehension, _sometimes too fast._

_

* * *

_

Their mother, after regaining her balance and the dizzy feeling on her head began to fade, sat in bed and told Kate to leave them alone with her children.

Mary flinched when she heard Kate say softly that it would be best if the children went back to bed. Did she just hear right? Was a servant, a mere servant refusing her orders?

"With all due respect Your Grace" Kate continued ignoring the deathly look on her mistress' face "I know I am out of place saying this, but the children are under the protection and tutelage of the Prince of Wales' teachers and the Queen of England. Her Majesty would be very appalled if she noticed Lord Philip was not getting enough sleep, the physician said he needed to rest more" she emphasized on the 'more' to Her Grace._ As his mother you should know_, Kate wanted to finish with, but she held her tongue and her figure held her stoicism in front of her lady.

Mary was not going to stand for this insult. She was going to give Lady Seymour a piece of her mind no matter how vulgar her words were to be judged, nobody knew best for her children than she did!

Fortunately, Henry was there to remind her that her children were watching and judging her behavior. The little Lord placed his hand on his mother's and began to caress it softly with his strong fingers.

Philip joined in coming closer to his mother, he rested his head on her knee waiting to be petted too.

Mary glanced briefly at Henry and then to Philip. No, she had grown too strong to fall into anger. _Who do you think you are, taring their love apart? _Mary Tudor would never let the rage that had possessed her father possess her. It would bring her to a new low she could not afford. Her sons' love and their opinion of her was all she had now.

Her hand now turned cold began to pet her oldest' son's head pushing away the black bangs that covered his sad features, and then looked back up at the governess.

"Wise decision Lady Seymour, see to it then" It took great amount of will power and she had to bite back very hard at her anger.

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* * *

**

_"No one knows what is like to be mistreated  
to be defeated behind blue eyes;  
and no one how to say that they are sorry,  
and don't worry I am not telling lies  
but my dreams they aren't as empty...  
as my conscience seems to be ...  
I will have hours only lonely ...  
My love is vengeance that is never free  
Nobody knows what is like to be the bad man  
to be the sad man ...  
Behind blue eyes"_

**_Behind blue eyes_ by the Who**

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* * *

**

Seeing Henry so alienated from her and Philip's reluctance to touch her broke Mary's heart, but it was a hard lesson she had to learn to bring her a new perspective much needed of the world she lived in.

Henry was a boy she feared easy to please, he was just a child but ancient as an owl when it came to knowledge and wisdom. He learned and grasped his readings and lessons quickly. At barely three years old he had seen the world through the eyes of others, learning from their experiences, hearing them and drawing his own conclusions. He was every bit like his father.

Philip on the other hand, Mary always compared him to Philip but this visit had served to prove her wrong. The true princess saw in her young son's eyes not knowledge, nor ambition (there certainly was some, but not as much as his brother) nor any of the other virtues and athletic skills his younger half brother possessed. Seeing through his blue, green eyes Mary saw herself as a little girl. Pure, virtuous, gifted with beautiful melodies that could make the tyrant of tyrant's stop. An old talent she had since lost.  
And it was Philip who possessed opening the forgotten letters she had received from his governess and tutors, that shared her love for music, the Greek and Roman classics. Who were the others to tell her what was good or bad knowledge? Philip's knowledge of the classics and not dwelling in useless heretic theology or the thing they considered as science 'alchemy', would make him a better man.

Nature wronged Philip by turning him into her firstborn. Out of the two there was no question who was the purest soul, but in terms of forging an empire fate had chosen her youngest son and her true love's only offspring to be the first at the finish line.


	49. Sine Deo

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
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**A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers, everyone who has followed this story.**

**Song for this chapte****r: The sorceress by Trobar de morte  
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**~Carolina  
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_"__"Traitress!"_ _Ermengarde was told_ "_This village and this ostal have always been pure from all evil and heresy. Beware lest you bring evil upon us from another place, lest you make our own place __accursed."_

**~_Montaillou: The Promise Land of Error_ by Le Roy Laudrie; (p.26)**_  
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**_1545_,**

**Hampton Court Palace: **

Elizabeth had a great idea for a feast. Her nephews, the only so far, had come accompanied by the governess and by the ever dashing queen, her cousin and loyal friend, her father's rose without a thorn -Katherine Howard, commonly known as Kitty to her closest friends, and allies. Few, and she lacked many friends, remained her loyal allies. Elizabeth amongst just a few who did not care a straw, she said, if she brought or not children to the royal cradle, or what religion she affiliated herself too initially.

Kitty was English through and through, and she had proven herself to be a good regent, and queen throughout the period of her father's absence. Indeed, Elizabeth thought, she reminded the young girl of her mother, her long gone mother.

_My mother_, Elizabeth had countless time argued with all her ladies, and with the people closest to her, and sadly that did not include her father nor her sister who was currently in the wrong state of mind, like her mother before her; _was innocent._ She had always been of the charges brought against her by the tyrants that ruled her father's poor, weak, and feeble mind that was very much to her understanding, in decay.

He had gone from staunchly Catholic, open and devout to all the corruptions venerated by the Church, of the largest which included their heathen figures they called the saints. Elizabeth held her tongue when she heard Mary lecture her children on the importance of their veneration. Saints! Who were they to tell people how to live. Since the teachings of Luther and the assertion of the intelligent and "heretic" Swiss (to whom all who possessed a strong will and were open to other alternatives, free and sought to worship God in their own way without reproach -like Elizabeth- they called people like the independent and rebellious Swiss priest, "reformers") John Calvin. They had brought new light, not only to the corruptions and the decadence of the old establishments and their libertine ways, but brought equality to the souls of men and women from their flock.

Now women did not have to debate of who was greater or not like Christine de Pizan, they were all equal before God and the law. However; human kind needed dogma due to our race imperfect nature and that was one thing that Elizabeth agreed all too well with Luther. God had placed on this Earth a representative of the Christian benevolent version of Zeus for each kingdom to rule. And though they all claimed to be the rightful owners of the church, there was only one man who could bring the gospels to all nations.

Elizabeth, for many years she thought this man, this holy one, was her father. But now that the mark of the devil was on his forehead and his court was ruled by men of the conservative and closed minded side, the country was suffering greatly. His attempts to bring the old doctrinal ways (without the Roman bishop's authority to the old faction's discontent) back into the holy mass and prohibit Lutheran books threatened everything her mother, and countless other men suffered and died, greatly for their beliefs to be openly spread among all the population.

She saw no distinction between the gentle, noble, or the royals. Unlike her sister she believed God created every soul equal. And like every imperfect creation, the flock of faithful and unfaithful alike needed a strong leader to lead them toward salvation.

Since her father had never been the man right for the job, that only left his successor, and her youngest nephew she had come to raise and love more than Mary had ever loved her own, none other than Henry.

He was a sweet and fast learner for just a boy of barely three years old. Elizabeth had given him, thanks to his governess Kate, access to forbidden books, not only by reformers but by women who were also strong advocates for change. Mary forgot or ignored much of what her children were learning, that before the eyes of strangers they were growing up faster than they needed to. They were descendants of Kings, and one day they themselves would grow up to become that.

But beside her misapprehension of the knowledge that was being bestowed upon them -that had long been out of her control- Mary began her own crusade to instruct the children in the Catholic teachings, that for reasons unknown to Elizabeth her father did not forbid but contrary to what everyone thought he would do, he openly showed favor to such teachings. Maybe deep down, the old tyrant had never fully departed from the old ways, it could explain why he was showing recent favor to men of such faith like Bishop Gardiner and his new Chancellor (upon the recently mysterious death of Audley) another staunch Catholic, Thomas Wriothesley.

The latter more pragmatic and careful with his tongue, played the part of the king's man better than did Gardiner who was too openly Roman Catholic and rebellious for his own good.

The King knew only too well that those who hated him would do anything possible, anything, to harm his little-golden boy, Prince Edward, her half brother sired by Jane Seymour. The woman who had played the cards better than her and Mary's mother, enchanting the King with her virtues while pretending to be the silent and obedient wife. Nobody had swallowed that facade she put in public, but she was a better actress than her mother, Elizabeth had to recognize. And she was attributed to return the king's two daughters -fallen from grace by their mothers- into his good graces. The truth was much more different than the pink and fluffy version her father wanted to sell to the English public. In reality Mary had brought her back from the darkness of which she was kept at Hatfield.

While she had departed (forced by her father and Cromwell, whom she had angered after refusing many times, to sign the Oath of Supremacy) to Hackney and Elizabeth had been left all alone with the strict governess that she once used to respect, Lady Bryant; she thought all hope was gone. Fate had another plans for Elizabeth. She might never become the queen of the golden age her mother dreamed her of becoming, but upon Mary giving birth to a strong and healthy son, she committed herself to a new purpose in life. She would marry, no matter what happened like the Tudor women before her, she would forge her own destiny and if she had to do it through other men, like her mother, then so be it.

When Henry had been born she saw her opportunity widen, and the possibilities to that boy which she would use to forge her path, became endless. He was a true reformer, not staunch, proud, or sure of himself like other reformers she knew but open, cheerful, and gifted with the kind heart her sister once had for her neighbor. He proved to be the true flower of chivalry and Tudor prince her father -and- everyone else that had high hopes Jane Seymour would give.

"How often do you find God give such gifts that shine with the light of the sun, blinding those who are already blind and black from soul, to us?" Katherine asked her, bringing the young Tudor and former princess back to the present.

Both Kitty and Elizabeth watched as Philip tried to race with Henry, but he was too weak and smaller in statue than the younger boy who appeared five, to win.

Henry did not brag about his winnings, instead he gave the biggest smile and bowed to the sore loose of his older brother who threw his hands into defeat and always complained that Henry had surely cheated.

Elizabeth and the queen giggled. "They remind me of me and my brothers, we always did that" Kitty said going to pick Henry up.

"Did you bring me presents?" Henry asked after he bowed for the millionth time, feeling so small in the queen's presence, to Kitty.

"No, I did not bring the usual as my Lord would want me to" She responded and seeing his cast down look she turned to Elizabeth, who rolled her eyes. Leave it to Kitty to spoil a surprise, she thought miserably. Kitty rephrased and told Henry of a greater surprise they had "It will outdo everything I have given you before" She declared french kissing him making Henry giggle.

"So what is Henry's surprise?" Asked Philip impatiently. He had given up trying to bring attention from his favorite aunt and mistress, the Queen, it was all wasted away on Henry. Elizabeth motioned to him and knelt before him. She was well aware that the boy was a wanton like her father, and that he required lots of attention because of his excessive jealousy to Henry.

She had been too once the unwanted, unfavored, that no one wanted to be associated with, daughter of a mother who was still accused of being a witch long after her death. She better than anyone should know what the poor boy went through with the fast rise of power from his younger brother. But there was a strong difference, Henry was being prepped to become a great statesman and -hopefully- king one day, Philip was not. He did not possess the skill nor the endurance.

Nonetheless, his aunt loved him and after he followed her to the large couch were Kitty sat -with Henry on her lap-; she took her favorite piece of jewelry from her neck, and gave it to Philip.

"What is this?"

"Something that I think you should have" She answered a little hurt by the coldness in his voice.

He knitted his eyebrows raising his palm to eye level. He blinked, it was a real strange piece of craftsman work. A strange necklace indeed. It was something he was not familiar with, he recognized it. The B in the middle, B for Boleyn, but the necklace indeed was strange for from all accounts he heard, mainly from his mother and his governess. The former wife of Henry VIII had no diamonds around the pearls of her necklace. The design itself around the pearls was strange, for they all had in gold letters the initials of her and his grandfather. They appeared to be laughing at him by being so closed together. 'HA' and more 'HAs' danced in his eyes as he counted all pearls. More than twenty eight of them.

"Why?" He looked up at his aunt in utter bewilderment. This was the only thing she had from her mother, if this was his mother she would never let go of anything that Katherine of Aragon left for her in her will. Why was she doing this? Why now?

He was full of many questions, but Elizabeth did not offer a clear answer for any of them. She said that she had never had the pleasure Mary had of knowing her mother, that she only knew her in passing flashbacks when she had been a happy child, and princess she emphasized on it, on Hatfield when her life had been as idyllic as Mary's, free of worries or crazy conspiracies from her mother and her enemies. She had been a happy child, and would have continued to be had it not been by the allies of his mother, but that was all in the past and her future was not in grudges to be held against the people that were now powerless to harm her.

"Then who is your future now Auntie Bessie?" He asked dreading the answer and later on, long after this moment would be passed and he would become the adult against everyone's expectations; Philip would look back to this moment and reflect on how much time he wasted on his envy when he could have taken advantage of the answer his Aunt gave him, to become a better man.

Elizabeth abstained herself once more to answer. She inclined her head to his and kissed his lips, moving to his ear she softly whispered "One day when you find a especial someone you wish to spend the rest of your life with, give that especial person this necklace. Remember that fame favors the bold, and that no matter what you think of Henry, he is your brother and one day he will make us all very proud -you must help him"

Elizabeth abandoned Philip who was left pondering, in his hands still holding the pearl, diamond necklace of the doomed queen.

Henry continued to pout, playing with Kitty's curls and demanding for a straight answer of what was his surprise. Finally the queen, defeated with irritation from the boy's insistence, yielded to her little lord's will.

"It should be here any minute" She said tight lipped not wanting to reveal anymore no matter how much Henry insisted.

"But wha-" Henry stopped in mid sentence when the King's tailors came. Kitty put Henry down and Philip stepped down from the couch, both brothers looking at each other more confused than before.

The oldest of the two moved to take Henry's measurements first and then moved on to Philip. The other did the same in the same order. The eyes of Henry glued to Kitty shifted to his Auntie Bessie that answered that by tomorrow they would be flowing in capes of red and wearing gold for the ceremony. Just what ceremony, they asked, the two women did not answer them and for many hours they were asked which colors and feathers they preferred for their boots and hats.

After they were finished the men bowed before them and promised them to have their new clothing ready as soon as possible.

Tomorrow would be a new day, Elizabeth promised them, her mother's golden world would be fulfilled and it was all thanks to Mary's golden boy, Henry.

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_"Ecce vicit leo de tribu Juda, radix David" _**[1]**_  
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**(Eustace POV)**

As often happened with fairy tales there were two opposing forces of nature fighting, each, for their survival. You had the villains, evil and completely devoid of any sympathy for their neighbor. To them happiness and goodness were two alien elements that it was impossible for these evil creatures, or creature to grasp.

Then there were the heroes. People I was taught like the rest of my peers to admire. They were demi-god, fantastic men and women who devoted themselves to an ideal of beauty and we as mere mortals were supposed to emulate them, aspire to become like them.

I certainly always preferred the villain, he or she was more human than the goody two shoes of the disgraced and tragic Greek-Roman hero in Hesiod's and Homer's epics. The hero never got the riches, the rich pomp of clamor and glory. He was useless, a tool to be used, willing to sacrifice his own happiness to see God's will enforced on the unfaithful or the wicked.

Pandora, she remained, to this day the only _villainous_ serpent, temptress, that human kind has taken pity on. Including I.

Unlike predecessors, she was imperfect, created out of pure lust to test humanity, to test the own gods to see if they were alike us, easy to manipulate and fall into the temptation of a serpentine woman whose only fault here was that she never possessed the intellect nor the tools necessary to resist the evil voices from the box she was given to protect with her own life.

Her own husband had been warned by his brother, the ill fated and rebellious Prometheus, not to take anything from the gods and too late did the younger brother discovered his mistake.

I too, understood Epimetheus' mistake too late. Like him I was not prepared to resist the Lady Mary's charm. Her beauty had, and still continued to, ravage my soul. Her good nature, her naivety -that she believed that all men and women could be saved from the fires of Hades, and that includes her sister and, I still maintain, her enemy- captivate me.

I have never seen anyone like her, and I never will.

She is a true enigma. Mary Tudor is neither the cold nor free spirited creature like her father and mother's respective families, but she possesses a different kind of beauty. One that can't be seen at a long distance unless you stared into her beautiful dark gray hooks that, hard as I try, I always fall prey to them.

All the world had shown themselves to bee friendly, too friendly, frankly full of praise for who could very well be the future kings of this country.

The two sons of the princess hid their shyness behind a mask of happiness; however it was the youngest who shown the most skill to dissimulate in front such a large crowd of raven, foxes and other foul creatures that were so beneath their pure and unstained heart.

Children, I thought. Pure and innocent, there was not one stain of evil in them. Yes but I knew very well that purity fades away. Children grew into us, into people very much like myself. The princess' son -I couldn't bring myself to call him mine, for it would be cruel for the boy and for myself as well to think of the future king of England as the son of a mere ambassador, a commoner born from a commoner with no noble lineage, and my only connection through nobility was through my mother, lowly nobility at that- bowed before Their Majesties.

Katherine Howard smiled at both her step-grandchildren and bid them good afternoon. The two young lords replied with equal words of praise for the young and pampered queen.

The king ordered two ushers to bring two small crowns and a third came in after them with a royal pillow larger and more richly decorated than the rest, holding a different crown than the two the other servants that first came in, were holding.

Henry took the largest crown, the one that had come in last and placed it in his youngest son's forehead after the little three year old had knelt for his over-doting grandfather. To the king who barely saw his son, his namesake and youngest male heir was to him the son he wished Edward could be. By now, I had reported to Granvelle, the boy was sick and very frail, it was a miracle if the Prince would live past his ninth birthday and if God was merciful, live long enough to succeed his father. The English monarch was wasting no time, he needed to secure the Tudor dynasty before the Plantagenet menage, the White Rose faction, rose up against him again like they had countless time in reality and in the King's head.

To secure his kingdom he had done something very radical. He had agreed on the premise that his _"Flander's mare"_ would bring him a son, marrying his eldest daughter and the true princes of Wales to an impoverished, yet royal, cousin of the queen and his ambitions were not forsaken. In Anne of Cleves he had lost both a wife and a still born daughter, gained nothing with the exception of her death's aftermath where he came upon Kitty Howard, a former lady in waiting of the heretic Queen. A far more beautiful and merry wife than any other of her predecessors. And to prove that not all was lost, the late queen's cousin had proven to him a fertile husband for his bastard daughter. One sick child, but a son and that was all Henry cared, and a strong and vigorous child who was his namesake and was every bit like the young Henry he remembered.

"I dub you Duke of Richmond. Rise Your Grace" Henry rose feeling the weight of the crown on his head. No, he was no longer Henry, the bastard child of a lowly born ambassador, but Duke of Richmond the riches man, boy in the kingdom after the king and his son.

Everyone in the room applauded and I noticed how the little boy narrowed his eyes at everyone until they came into contact with mine. I nodded bowing my head deeply for the son I would never know. He nodded back, but the moment he did I noticed that this was no ordinary child. He was not as cold and calculated like his grandfather and his merciless ministers, but he wasn't innocent as I pictured him to be. He was strong, intelligent, very I could tell by the way his eyes were studying me before they shifted back to his grandfather who placed him on his wife's lap.

This boy, was not a boy, but a man. He had the weak and small body of a child, but was born with the wisdom of an owl, astute like a fox, and quick to distinguish friend (if such a thing existed in the royals' dictionary -I thought sardonically eying him even more) from foe. I was loosing myself in his smile, his giggles, and his facial gestures that mirrored my own at that age

Then came the other brother, his half brother, the only legitimate heir that my princess had given birth to.

With very little crowns placed on the eldest' forehead, who by all appearances, it looked by his low stature that he was the youngest and this I was sure, seeing the new Marques of York look of envy that crossed his face when the applause for him was lower than had been for the newly created Duke of Richmond.

I hide my smirk. No doubt nature had wronged my bastard. Who knew the possibilities that could have arisen if he had been born first? He would have every courtier bowing before him, seeking his favor, even Bishop Gardiner had not denied, in his visit to St. Omar war camp (the worst time of my life), the wishes expressed by the whole court to have Henry crowned as their King instead of Edward or Philip.

To this day I had no opinion, other than report to my master the opinions of others, in regards to this.

I thought, what did she had to say of all this display, useless in my opinion, the opulent and decadent clamor that was being wasted away on a bastard? When it could be put to better use on -I hate to admit with all my being- on the couple's only son, who was about to receive his second title as Earl of Buckingham. If only the former holder of those lands could be alive now, to see that his plans of seeing the Plantagenet dynasty restored to glory been foiled now, and not by this heretic pathetic excuse of a king, but his stead his daughter who was doing the same crimes from which her greatest enemy had been convicted -and- my mind adds, beheaded along with Lord Rochford and all her alleged horde of lovers.

I wished Mary well, I truly wanted to take her in my arms and for both of us to escape to Annency, or to Louvian, or anywhere, perhaps a remote island where we could escape the intrigue, the plotting, the evil doing and our own mishaps, and never having to put up with what the rest of the world thought of us. Sometimes, I hear her whisper in my dreams, if only God was not so judging like mortals and we could be born free of sin, and free of guilt. If only ... but I never dwell on what ifs.

I look to see Philip's face, he still had that goofy smile on his face and he had been the loudest clapper in this display of royal despotism. He was full of praises for the youngest boy after the king moved the celebration the largest room in the castle, where a feast was being held in the boys' honor.

Prince Edward was not there, but his uncles certainly were and I was surprised to see the boys' governess here. I was expecting that their mother would at least be allowed to come for this, but it seemed that the king did not want his eldest daughter to have anymore influence over her own children. I suspected the queen had something to do with this.

And almost on cue, the Lady Elizabeth came into the room followed by her own governess and her ladies, dressed in purple and wearing a green french hood. Her father bid her welcome and they danced together with the queen and she was allowed to sit at the high table just in between them, with the new Duke of Richmond sitting on her lap, congratulating him for his achievement.

I thought I was going to be sick watching this, and indeed I could very well be due to my limited mobility and that Fleming was helping me walk to one of the nearby tables where I reclined feeling extremely exhausted. I was getting too old, the emperor should not have demanded this from me and I should have refused. Why didn't I refuse and insist on my departure like I had countless times before?

_You had to say for her, didn't you?_ She was the reason for all my sufferings, and I still insisted on more time for the Emperor before he or Van der Defelt, my replacement, could come to a conclusion over the fate of the Princess. Though I knew that the Emperor wanted to be as far from this scandal as possible. And I was putting too much of my good fortunes at risk by insisting that the princess was innocent and everyone was conspiring against her to have her killed, or locked up in the manner her mother had been in the More.

Nobody, who had a good sense of how things worked around her, believe my allegations and that included my Flemish successor. He hadn't met the duchess, but he heard good opinions of her from the people of our faith and it was only natural that he too wanted to dissociate the empire from this matter. In spite of the Emperor's insistence that His English Majesty take the French's deal that would rid both countries of ongoing debt and warfare, he kept insisted that he had been cheated from his intended bounty and that he would keep advancing and sending more forces into the heart of France until his demands by the King of the Franks be met.

Me and Francois, for a change agreeing with his elder, laughed when we re-read the King's outrageous list of petition to King Francis. _"He has to be a fool,_ I remembered Van der Defelt saying,_ if he thinks that French ponce, no matter how terrible he is at battle, would ever agree to these demands! Not even the Emperor was this demanding!"_

_"Does it matter what you or I your Excellency think? The king will do what he thinks it's in his best wishes and the Privy council will follow their beloved tyrant to the death, mark my words, to the gates of hell"_

_"Someone must voice he is doing a grave mistake!" _

It had been the end of our conversation. Francois had left the room fuming, muttering under his breath that he had never met such a childish man before. As I look at Their Majesties and the level of care they showed to the Duke of Richmond and his precious Aunt, the Lady Elizabeth, I nod in agreement.

When the feast ended, I found myself on the way to my chambers bump into the young duke.

"Your Grace" I bowed, the last thing I needed was to have my own flesh and blood reproach me with the same level of arrogance as his grandfather why was I not bowing to his sacred person.

The boy tilted his head and looked curiously at me. It was the same look as before when he had been crowned Duke of Richmond.

"You are the Imperial Ambassador are you not? Eustace Chapuys?" He questioned taking a step closer to him.

Eustace blinked, completely taken aback by the boy's coldness.

"I am Your Grace" he answered with an even tone.

"You are very good friends with my mother" It was not a question, the boy no doubt had been informed of the nature of my relationship with his mother. I had Philip to thank for that.

I wondered where was this boy's governess, I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, like I was being questioned by the high inquisitor.

"You have not answered my question" he pouted crossing his arms against his chest, much the same I did when I demanded a new toy from my parents.

"My apologies Your Grace. To answer your question I am, and I was also good friends with your grandmother, the Princess Dowager" The true Queen, I wanted to say.

For once the boy had not asked more questions, and I was grateful that when his mouth open after he saw me frown, his governess came running expressing deep apologies on his behalf to me.

I watched her take Henry, lightly scolding him for running away from her sight. That boy, half Chapuys and half Tratasmara, powerful combination that would threaten the sanctity of this kingdom, what was left of it, and break it to pieces. This boy, my son, I smile wryly if he grew up to be anything like the man I am, he would have the power to change destines, faiths and corrupt every man's souls until man was no more.

I clutch my canes and wheel the opposite of where he was headed, guided by his governess and walk my own path alone back to my quarters.

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_"She was not one to be governed by logic" _

**~_Mary Tudor_ by Hilda M. Prescott; (p.81)**_  
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Mary kept telling herself that she did the right thing, her mind on the other hand reproached her for not assisting her sons' crowning ceremony. Why should she? Her sons were being taken away from her, the same way her father had taken her from her mother now he was letting another one of his whores take her from the people she loved the most.

Her assailants were almost done with her, after her sons' would be crowned, a feast in honoring them, but for anyone with common Mary knew it would be mainly to honor her younger boy, they would come for her the next day and she would be waiting, patiently to take her away.

"My lady" Jane curtsied before her mistress bringing her news of the ceremony. It was to be expected, her youngest had been taken the role of her father's favorite just like the bastard before him, her bastard and late brother Henry Fitzroy. Three Henry, she thought cynically, in the way of my throne. It happened to be the one that she created with pure love, that was in her way to becoming Queen and cleanse the country of all the evils her father and his demon had let loose.

_Perfect. -_She thought, dismissing Jane after she was done with giving her all the news.

Mary leaned back against her chair, having sat for several hours and reached the conclusion of the inevitable to come tomorrow. The duchess stood at last when she no longer heard the laughter and the merry tunes that had filled the great hall. How dare her father believe all the lies of his heretics! She was no baby killer, she would never harm a fly, let alone her baby brother, no matter how much she disliked the bitch of a mother who'd conceived the poor innocent, murdered soul! No doubt this was her husband's doing. Philip had joined in on their schemes and he wished all the favors that had been bestowed upon her after the birth of their two sons, on him instead. And Eustace, even if he wanted he was powerless to help her. Philip had been very naive throughout their whole marriage to believe her lies, and she believed herself to be very successful in hiding all her secret love affairs from him. Alas, her husband had grown up and to her own misfortune and that of her unborn children, he was doing this not only to harm her and bring her to miscarry the poor little devils, but also to wring her love's soul.

Wait until he heard! Mary paused. It was exactly what Philip always wished for, revenge. Not against her personally but against Eustace, her death and that of her children came as an added bonus.

She waited an hour or so for her husband to come. To at least keep appearances, tell her one last time that he loved and to confirm, by the sound of his voice, her worst fears. But it never came. Then she heard horses' hooves, and shrank back leaning apart from her seat, she inclined to see from her window where all those horses came from. She shuddered. There was nothing but white noise there. No figures in sight, had she imagined it? Was she finally going mad? No, it had not been her imagination, she heard it, they were galloping hard and they seemed to be racing. _Racing for me._

"Oh God" she wept. She smote her balled fist in her palm, then fear gripped her.

The door of her chambers opened, she feared the worst. To her great relief they were not the king's men coming to take her away, it was just Susan and Elsa who had been very concerned over her state of mind and decided to check on her.

"Thank you, I really appreciate everything you are trying to do for me, but it is too late for all of us. I know what is to come" She wailed "They will take me into some far away residence, perhaps they will lock me in Kimbolton under house arrest. I could fare better if they take me to Scyon house, that will be a luxury" She added with hidden sarcasm over her last sentence.

"There is no proof that you ordered the poison that caused the queen's miscarriage, they have nothing against you milady" Elsa told her "Bishop Gardiner and others would not let their only hope to restore the country slip from their fingers"

"They shall not have it" said Mary, fighting down her sadness and thinking of what awaited her and her maids. Eustace, he was, she was aware, well informed of what her father planned for their children. He had made a bad reputation for himself at court for defying the king and the privy council too many times, it had made him also famous the fact that he had managed to keep his head, and express his opinion freely without any repercussion. She herself had watched him distinguish himself before royal audiences and had always been much impressed.

If love was the more powerful force in the universe, and he was true to his promise, he would not fail her now. He would find a way to plead her case before her father and her cousin, the emperor and in the case the latter did not work he would write to regent and she prayed that her cousin who also shared her name, would take pity on her unborn.

"I am doomed, there is not one court in Europe who does not condemn already for marrying a heretic and siring his children. I have failed to educate my children in the Catholic faith like my cousin wanted me to. If it had not been for** him**, my children would not be recognized and neither would my crumbling marriage"

"You can't give up now Mary. Your children need you, I need you my friend." She took her friends' hands in her own "We have been through so much together"

Mary faintly smiled.

It was no use. They could tell her, much as they wanted to, that it was all going to be fine but deep down they knew it wouldn't. Their concerned looks and fallen tears betrayed them.

"Have hope milady, my words might seem fickle and will soon fade away by your enemies' accusations, but always remember that you have loyal servants and friends who know what really transpired and none of their lies can erase all the happy moments that passed between you and His Excellency"

Mary looked at Elsa and freed one of her hands from Susan and extended it to the eldest woman who was kneeling before her. Elsa let Mary caress her cheek, it had been too long since she had received affection from another and it felt good to feel needed again.

"You will look after my children, both of you I want you to swear to me now, before God and all the saints in heaven that you will see that they be given a better upbringing, far from my father or my husband's clutches. See to it" She declared, suppressing her emotion. She had wept too much already, there would be plenty of time to that again later. "They must be told who they are, and that they are not to be ashamed because of their lineage."

"If you tell them then you will implicate Eustace Mary" Susan said.

She shook her head "No, I will not. If they are anything like him, they will be smart, they will only say what is needed. It is important, please Susan, that they know their background and that I never considered them less because of they were not my husband's, on the contrary tell them that their father was the only man I loved."

Susan closed her eyes to avoid the tears, when she opened them she nodded followed by Elsa who had seen too much disgrace fallen on her family to cry for another loved one.

And so it was done, and after letting go of their mistress they followed her to the bed where she did not sleep but instead she joined them in prayer.

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**A/N: The titles all have a significance to the end of the story, and as a response to Boleyngirl13 review which I did not get to answer completely, yes the rivalry between brothers is similar to the historic unknown rivalry between Prince Arthur and Henry when he was only Duke of York and a second son. Henry, naturally, relates and is not blind to the sibling rivalry, and I wanted to emphasize how much more he feels he has in common with Henry, hence the title he gave his youngest grandson.**

**[1]Latin for 'Behold the lion of the Judea tribe; descendant of David' A fitting quote I thought to describe this chapter.  
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**We are coming close to the end, next chapter we will see flashbacks that explain more Mary's paranoia, and if I receive enough response from my readers I might feel tempted to continue this story through its sequel.**

**~VXLP**


	50. Disgraced Angel of Wales

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^**

**For this chapter and if I get more than three responses ;) the next chapter that could come up soon, I recommend the song from Carrie Underwood "There's a place for us" from you guessed it ^_^ Narnia's soundtrack. I personally didn't enjoy the movie much as I enjoyed the books when I was younger, but for your kids and younger relatives is a good movie and for all the family to enjoy.  
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**~Carolina

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_"The Kinges seige shalbe made a goode deale higher than the Quenys, which shalbe on the left hand of the Kinges, and lower than the hit" _**  
~Expert of crowning ceremony found in**_** Mary Tudor as "Sole Quene"?: Gendering Tudor Monarchy**_** by Judith M. Richards [p. 897]

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A _Quene_, Mary thought, she dreamed of being crowned on the thirty two of her birthday, just before the time when the leaves fell from the trees. She was being hailed as sole monarch, sole ruler and the first female King of England.

"All hail Mary!" They cried in unison. She stood proud and erect before her public. They greeted her in return of her smile with another wave of thunderous applause. This is how my suffering finally comes to an end, she thought in her dreams, with thunderous applaud and cheers from a welcoming crowd.

But like all of her dreams, she had to wake up and find herself living in the same nightmarish reality she had since her parents divorce.

This time there would be no cheers, no welcoming crowds, oath of homage from her peers, this time there would not be a queen, her turn, to be worshiped and received with thunderous applause.

After her enemies repetitively kept knocking on her father's door to keep the investigation against her; she knew it was only a matter of time before they would come to her, after the courts find her guilty of high treason against the queen and king.

_'It's only a handful of time I have now at my disposal'_ -she thought miserably. She was not going to give in, if she was to meet her end, she declared to her ladies surrounding her bowing their heads for their disgraced angel of wales, she would do so in with the dignity and fearless nature that was bred for all her life.

They wanted to see a poor, broken Princess. They would not. She was daughter of Katherine of Aragon, granddaughter of Their most respected Majesties, Fernando and Isabel of Aragon, and Castille respectively and today she would live up to their name showing no fear. Her grandmother never did when there were the threat of Moorish spies in her Kingdom or during the _Reconquista [2]_ when everyone told her it was impossible, including sources told her, her husband and noble grandfather, Fernando. She did the impossible by taking the territories the Moors had taken from them, shutting all of them up when she did.

After her sons' ascension as Marques and Duke, becoming the two richest people in the high court after her father and their uncle, her brother, Prince Edward; Mary was told to retire to Whitehall where all the Court had been moved. She should have suspected but she did not posses the intellect of her sister or her conniving nature, to know what they were planning to do. She wasn't allowed for the last three days since they moved to see her children or her husband to plea for one last chance.

Deep down she wanted him to say no, she wanted to confess that she never loved him, that he was just another tool. She loved Eustace, she loved the way he made her squeal in delight when he penetrated her, when he kissed her, when he whispered her name. Even when he was not with her, she could feel his presence thanks to the little ones resting inside her belly. She would hug herself in a fetal position at night whispering his name after ending her prayers with an amen. Her children kicked when their mother was sad reminding her she was not alone. These poor children, they were about to be orphans and it was all her fault. God was punishing them for their mother's sins! Why? Couldn't he just punish her instead? Shouldn't her her death be enough to right all the wrongs she did?

_Eustace_, she asked God to watch over him and their children. To visit him in his dreams and to erase all the memories he had of their time together. It was better if he returned to being the callous, old and careless devoid of any good nature, ambassador. That way he would never have to suffer her absence and she would never have to wander the Earth looking after her loved one.

Finishing for the tenth time her prayers to holy mother, she erased his memory. When they would come for her -she would not cry or tell them anything that could endanger him. If she saw her father she would see her strong, and she would plead as her mother pleaded without shedding one tear for him before all the court -as they would drag in the same fashion like when the Duke of Norfolk, her greatest enemy to this day, ordered her to be moved from Hatfield to a new mansion for her half sister to continue to serve her as her maid- whose many eyes would see how much their King cared for his people starting by the way he cared for his daughter, the true princes in every true Catholic's heart.

Today they would see a queen before them, mother of two future kings whom she already knew no matter what their grim fate was (she thought of her poor son's frail health) they were going to make her and England proud. Today the lioness was about to roar.

The Duke of Suffolk was the first to step in bowing his head deeply for the fallen duchess, no matter what she was, what they said she did she was the daughter of his best friend and she had once been the pearl and milk, and honey that had enlightened her father's kingdom. Charles had never felt this miserable delivering the news of her transfer to Syon House "which will serve as Your Grace's prison until the council decides what to do with you" he explained.

Mary did not turn to face him or the guards. She continued to bow before the altar she made for her savior's holy mother, the Virgin Mary, her namesake that had replaced her mother. She felt her presence in this room right now as she heard her sentence being carried out by Duke, her father's most trusted friend and janitor. Her own father did not have the stomach to tell his daughter that she was no longer his pearl and the light of his world, and that she was no longer welcome at Court or allowed to see her children.

"Milady?" Charles wondered if he was heard or if this was Mary's idea of a sick joke like her mother.

Perhaps she was just jesting, or in her weak state of mind she thought that they would not dare to touch their Lord and master's true Princess and daughter, in any case she was wrong in both. The guards seeing no response from their duchess, motioned taking the lead to apprehend the Lady Mary and escort her by force to a carriage where the rest of her "brigites" (a suiting name, thought Charles, for the nun like ladies of the duchess) that would take her to her new home and prison where she would spend the rest of the two months waiting impatiently for an answer -that was likely, given the circumstances, not to come- from her father.

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_"...there were other ambiguities in English traditions when the first queen assumed the throne. Exponents of English law, from Bracton if not earlier, had agreed that the laws of England were consistent in treating women as lesser than men in private law and substantially excluded from public law. There had also been, in the fifteenth century, renewed dispute about whether the crown could descend through the female line ... when Mary Tudor became queen, some of the more enthusiastic of her catholic supporters argued that she, being female, was not bound by any laws at all. They concluded that she was accordingly free to resume all those powers ceded willingly or by coercion from the monarch since days of William the Conqueror ... the general knowledge of female unsuitability for political rule was one reason, and for some Mary's particular personality was another ... her leading biographer's view, a profoundly conventional woman ... her uncle, the Emperor Charles V, asserted that she should marry, ostensibly 'because it is important she should have heirs, and still more that some one may be at her side to assist her in the conduct of her affairs' [1]"_

_**Mary Tudor as "sole Quene"?: Gendering Tudor Monarchy**_** by Judith M. Richards [p. 902-909]

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**_[Flashbacks]_**

_Philip had never laughed so hard in his life. This was his wife's supposed triumph. But in this dream there was no acclaim for his wife when she stepped into Westminster Abbey to be crowned and anointed England's first queen regnant. Everyone around her was laughing. The fact that their female "king" came in a litter instead of arriving on horseback like traditional kings everywhere, but more so on England where tradition mattered as much as politics, was an embarrassment to the establishment and the country itself._

_He had to resist the urge to not to laugh when she refused to crowned her legal guardian, master and husband who had come by horse as other **noble men** had, expecting to be crowned alongside of her._

_The spectacle was mocked afterward by everyone in Westminster to their procession back to the London Borough where Whitehall palace stood tall and proud as their formerly humiliated female "king" had once been before laughter had erupted from her "loyal" subjects._

_To end this dream, he saw the poor queen, Mary, knelt before an altar where the Virgin Mary stood, holding her newborn son tightly against her chest, their savior the Lord Christ. It was the only altar they hadn't desecrated, the heretics -she called- yet and she sought forgiveness for all the atrocities she had committed against innocents. She thought that her failure to produce more sons, to make England a loyal and Roman Catholic nation and bring the true faith to every house had marked the end for the public acclaim when she had defeated the "heretic" armies in Northumbeland._

_After she finished her prayers, and brought her fingers with the sign of the cross on her forehead, saying an "amen", his dream ended and he woke up to an even better reality where all his dreams for revenge for what she and her lover had done to crush his heart, was about to be fulfilled._

_They had been sleeping on separate chambers since he found out of her second betrayal. He had been an idiot to believe that she could never cheat on him again. Much had been reported about her ladies reaction when they passed the halls of Whitehall. People would whisper behind his wife's back and some would even flaunt boldly in her presence not waiting for her to turn her back, or leave. Lord Lisle, John Dudley especially said aloud how it was a sad day in England when future queens and wives openly consorted with lowly men. Philip wished he could have been there when Lord Lisle made that remark to see her public humiliation and just how far her fits of paranoia went, this time very true._

_Even the loyal Roman Catholics, previously loyal to Mary, had watched their chosen queen in waiting, fallen to fear and desperation, hungry for acceptance. She had been trying to so hard, but to no avail, to reconcile with other members at Court, including her sister the Lady Elizabeth._

_Then the day came when the inquiry and fruit of their (Philip and the main conspirators) labor, was to be made before Parliament, but first in the Privy Council where recently Philip for their latest session was called by his own majesty to attend._

_Thomas Cromwell, the master secretary was head of the meeting as many before, he addressed the council before he was even given permission to speak from His Majesty. Henry whose humors they all knew normally would find this an insult, as remnants of the conservative factions whose main supporters were Gardiner and the King's new chancellor, Wriothesley. But the master secretary had much evidence to offer to the curious eyes of the King and the rest of the council, including their three visitors, the Duke of Bavaria, Eustace Chapuys, and his soon to be replacement –Van der Defelt._

_Chapuys, equally as Cromwell an educated man of the world, who was a scholar on both canon and secular law as far as the old conservative faction knew, saw no grounds for accusation against the Princess and Duchess Mary; but it mattered little what he thought. If they wanted to make the Lady Mary seem guilty, they will find a way, and a way indeed had already been put in motion for her fall. And there was the man, the main architect for his love's fall, Cromwell. He had always regarded him as a worthy successor of Wolsey, Chapuys respected him. He was cunning, astute and willing to compromise his soul for the good of his master just as Eustace. They constantly competed to see who was the better cynic, and today Eustace had fallen far behind in the race to see who was the best heartless bastard. But the ultimate decision did not rest with Cromwell or with the rest of the council, the ultimate decision rested on the King of England that so far had not spoken, instead he looked at the evidence and did not want to believe his eyes, that his daughter, the woman he had raised along with the true queen of England could be capable of such folly._

_As everyone took turned to look at the "evidence", Van der Defelt's eyes were quick to scan for any mistaken allegations in the fabricated (for they were in his opinion) documents. So far he found none, he handed them back to Eustace who in return handed them to the King. He gave a low curtsy "Majesty" he said quickly before handing him the damning evidence against his lover._

_Henry took the papers brashly from Eustace's hands and he not waiting to be dismissed took a step backwards. He had already expecting the King to explode, though not at Philip._

_He grabbed Philip by the collar and pushed him against the wall next to his seat causing the members to rise, some jump from their chairs and like Cromwell and the Charles Brandon, rush to the Duke's aide._

_"How is it that you dare forge my daughter's signature on paper and give false evidence against her?" He roared at the Duke of Bavaria, and as of recent Count Palatine._

_Philip wasn't expecting this. One reprimand, one single nuisance from the king to Cromwell but not to him! Of all people he should shout at his wife, she was the one whoring behind his back. How many times she'd done it when he was away? He wondered. He glanced briefly at Eustace and decided it was better not to find out any more truths hidden in that slut's cold heart. If, that is assuming she had a heart in that cold exterior._

_"I did not forge anything milord. The proof is all there, your daughter, my wife, the woman I gave my heart to has betrayed us all. It hurts me more than you can imagine Your Majesty to confess this, but for the love I bore to your daughter, I never wanted to reveal anything. I even began to make plans to hide the truth behind her unborn children conception from all of you" he looked at the entire council who stood bewildered before their "beloved" Duchess' betrayal. He could see some relief show in the faces belonging to the conspirators and others belonging to his faith._

_Eustace managed to hoodwink his usually silent anger that now came very close to the verge of taking control over him. Eustace was a man who never let himself be ruled by the heart rather than the mind, his reason, and only reliable friend that to this day had never failed him except for minor occasions where passion had played a part. Today however was different. The King was about to make the worst judgment, he considered, of his life._

_This was a man Eustace knew could be capable of everything and whose humors made him unpredictable. His mood swings had gotten worse over the years, and now with his fifth queen, fourth if you ruled out the concubine as bearing the title of "Queen"; and Parliament pushing him to find a person to blame. Eustace knew the truth, the old Savoyard was well aware that this was nothing more than politics at its best. He had seen it play in the Imperial courts many times, and in his native home as well. The heretics wanted to placate the northern and conservative faction by putting the Lady Mary to death, first by defaming her which they had been very successful so far with a man as perverse and political (like himself) as Cromwell. Second they wanted the people on their side. While Lord Lisle and Seymour did not care much for the people's favor, the old dogs of Henry like Gardiner and Cromwell knew how important the people's support was to support a reign._

_On the latter he feared, the public opinion would shift against his lover and her illicit love affairs._

_For indeed the center of the winter and on the eye of the storm, where her ultimate fate would be decided stood Henry and Philip._

_Philip did not cower before His Majesty as more insults were swung at him, and the King exerted greater pressure against the collar and one of his hands moved to his neck._

_His hope that his daughter could be excluded was gone, the evidence laid in front of him moments before was impossible to ignore; it was irrefutable as Philip's honest and demanding eyes, hungry for vindication against the treason committed to his marriage._

_Broken, Philip saw it as, a marriage that was based on lies, synonym of deceit._

_But if he were to put a convincing act before the King and the rest of his council members, he had to give them a better performance of the grievance and broken husband._

_"If I put up with more of your daughter's, my wife before the eyes of God and the eyes of the law, gruesome acts then I fear my conscience and my soul will not bear any more weight I have asked it to all these years that I have been fighting –for both His Majesty's country, for my honor and the wife that I have loved so much until now. I do neither intend nor desire to go along with all the lies any further. For I assure you by the faith that I owe to God and to His Majesty, for all that you had to offer to me," his breathing became more erratic, and his chest heaved up, he felt desperate and hoped that the king could believe him now so he became more passionate and pretended to look away in shame after what Mary had done to all of them "that I come to you now as a father, a son, and a husband hurt and standing here to answer for my wife's crimes. For the love I bear to her I beg you spare our children from the humiliation and hardship that will come down to her" -He decided to quote from one of the many letter that his wife had given to Cromwell in her plight, when she had been prey to Anne Boleyn's vengeance against her mother for years of been forced to wait to become her father's lawful and true wife._

_The act was finalized, Philip thought that he should be awarded for the Ciceronian eloquence that he mastered in his speech, both for condemning and pretending to defend his duchess. Everyone around him swallowed the lie like poison and like it so they would spread it through the rest of their English courtiers. Even his major critics, Seymour, Cromwell and Chapuys found him to be so skillful in how he spoke, behaved and moved that it was almost impossible for men taught in the art of deception to know if he had been faking the entire thing._

_The king let go of his son in law and abruptly turned his heel, gripping his cane tighter than before, toward the Earl of Hertford, brother to his late and still beloved consort, Jane Seymour._

_"Tell me it is not true" he demanded the evidence to be examined further. He would not believe his daughter; the only thing that remained of his so called pious, childhood crush, Katherine of Aragon could behave so … like a common prostitute!_

_No, his mother should have raised her to be better than that!_

_Had he hurt her that much that she sought the company of men so beneath her? For God's sake, she was the granddaughter of the Catholic kings and daughter to Henry VIII! She should have known better!_

_Edward Seymour was smiling inwardly. He had seen many things in his short life span. He had trained and used his own sister for their family's advantage, he had abandon his wife and allowed her to cheat on him so many times. As long as she brought him heirs to carry on the Seymour name and titles who cared who fathered his horde of wife's bastards? Power, it was all that mattered to him, yet deep in Edward Seymour when he had first seen his namesake, his future king and lord, the young Prince and Duke of Cornwall, Edward Tudor; he found himself becoming softer when he was around his frail little nephew._

_Eustace, though he could get nothing out of Henry, was indefatigable. He was swallowing the German Prince's lies that they were a piece of candy, and the council was going along with it. They had much more to gain from Philip's confession and the Princess' death._

_"1000 times I would die instead of telling you this ..."_

_The King interrupted him letting go abruptly and going to the rest of the council members where he hit his fist in the middle of the table, pointing his other fingers at Philip accusing him more. "Maybe it should be then you the one who dies!"_

_Eustace wished Cromwell had not have spoken in defense of Philip so he could see the young German Duke squealing in fear, going to his knees and begging for forgiveness._

_"The evidence before us is remarkable and astonishing. We cannot ignore it, if we do then what message will we give to the people. We are all hear bound by the laws of this realm and by your authority Your Majesty. We know no other rule but yours and the laws of this Country."_

_He was telling His Majesty to be a King, to reach a decision that he could stick with it for once that would benefit the whole Country._

_Gardiner who was as silent as the rest of the Privy council, tapped his fingers -lightly not to create disruption from the scene they were all witnessing- on the table and switched gazes with Wriothesley whose eyes looked down in defeat. Their savior and puppet queen had been lost. England was lost. _

_Stephen Gardiner did not believe all was lost like his hypocritical ally and once opponent, unlike the others he was a firm believer that everything happened for a reason. If it was God's will for the duchess to die then who were they to oppose the almighty? There were other fools they could manipulate. The Lady Mary's death was a setback, for Gardiner he saw it as a blessing in disguise. He had his spies tell him that the former princess of Wales' oldest son was not all too happy with the heresies and the teachings of his heretic Governess, Lady Seymour. Perhaps ... he mused, if the mother dies the young cub could be turned. Everyone was aware of his poor health, but God was omnipotent, Gardiner had faith. He would live long enough to turn this Country back to what it once was, a land of the faithful where the pope, upon finishing his work, would reward Gardiner and who knew? In the distant future maybe he could become pope._

_He stood up from his chair raising some eyebrows. They expected him to be the last person to rise against the conservative Lady Mary._

_But alas! Gardiner had a different God from theirs, and it was called opportunity and he planned to used it now when His Majesty was at his most vulnerable point._

_"What is it?" Henry asked impatiently. _

_"Gentlemen you all know me to be a firm apologist of the truth, of this Country's true faith. I have spoken openly, more than I should sometimes" that earned him some laughs. Good, he thought, a little laughter to relieve us from the tension His Majesty has put us up through "In this matter I must remain as I always have, a protector for our nations' laws embodied in our King. Milord knows that I only know two masters and they are one in the same. God and the King speak through only truth, but even God was sometimes misguided by the evil council of his cherubins, the highest of them all, Satan. Satan is in this room gentlemen and he has taken the form of a temptress whose very presence is with us right now"_

_"Are you accusing Lady Mary of being a witch?" Asked Charles in outrage digging his nails underneath the table, not believing how far that ass kissing leech was willing to go save his own skin. _

_Henry looked with apprehension at Charles, and his younger friend sighed. It was amazing how easy Henry was to manipulate and to convince that everyone, including his loved ones whose only fault had been that, to love him; was against him._

_"As I was saying before Your Grace interrupted me" said Gardiner carrying on with a sly smile to which Eustace and his colleague, Francis, found both disgusting and shocking admirable that a man could switch sides so quickly and find himself in favor from both factions. He had managed unlike Wolsey and many others of their faith to live this long playing the part of the humble and obedient dog, the King's best friend. Now his true self was coming to light, and the King found himself liking it for he put before him an exit that he liked more than the rest of what the others were counseling him to do._

_But all exits led to the same place, and that was the death of Henry's pearl. What Gardiner proposed only prolonged the princess' suffering by extending the trials and making everyone dig further from the truth, that would lead them nowhere for the truth Eustace and the people involved in the plot against her, was that she was innocent._

_Nonetheless, it was Gardiner's time to shine and Wriothesley now joined him suggesting that the Princess be put under house arrest and moved to a remote location where they would have a better chance of monitoring her affairs, while they carried on in her absence the trial and "in the case the trial rules against her" and debated her death sentence._

_They had called her a witch, Eustace told Van der Defelt that he had see no more machevellian display of politics in his life as he did now. After the session ended and the chamber whispered amongst themselves, words that they, the ambassadors, could only guess had to do with the death sentence of the Lady Mary; they went to their respective chambers ready to redact and report what happened and what will likely happen, to their masters._

_Philip after arriving in his chambers was greeted by the sight of his favorite younger son, Henry. "Papa!" He yelled being taken by his father._

_His golden boy, his savior. This boy would one day be King. He loved his other boy Philip. He would become King too, but he would likely not leave an heir when he died and Henry would take his place as both king, Duke of Bavaria and Count Palatine after he passed away. He would be the greatest King in English history, he was already the favorite candidate in everyone's hearts._

_"Papa?" Henry asked feeling silly and dumb for asking it, but oh so what? He was his father and Philip had always been very open with the little boy, why should he be afraid now?_

_Seeing Henry's quizzical expression, Philip asked what was on the boy's mind._

_Henry answered that it had to with his mama. "I am not allowed to see her, I just asked for her seconds ago and they tell me she will go away? Why? Are you two going to divorce each other? Why? I thought you loved each other?" He had tears on his eyes when he asked the last part._

_"Henry listen to me your mother did something very bad. He hurt papa"_

_"No that is not true. Mama would never do that!" He exclaimed hitting his father's fur coat. "She a good parent!"_

_"Henry please, you are embarrassing yourself. She hurt me very much and from now on you are going to focus more on your studies and stay with your Aunt Bess, she will look after you and Philip" He explained putting the boy down and trying to clean his son's tears with his handkerchief that ironically belonged to his wife._

_"You can't send me away. Only bad children are sent away! I don't want to be sent away!" He whined. Philip closed his eyes momentarily. Henry seemed more and more like his grandfather, and these tantrums reminded him also of Bess whenever she was furious about something, that lately had to do with her eldest sibling._

_He rubbed his son's cheeks affectionately and then moved to his hair which was lately acquiring a lighter tone of brown. Philip did not recall any members of his family being dark brown haired or brunettes, but he didn't pay much attention to that now as he soothed Henry._

_"Simply take this as an adventure. Remember when mama told you about St. George when he defeated the dragon?" _

_Henry nodded._

_"Well mama was consumed by the dragon, it is not really her fault. She was too ambitious and she was always envious of the queen. Satan got to her Henry, she got consumed by the dragon and the brimstone fires of hell"_

_Henry did not appear any calmer, he was alarmed that his mother could have fallen prey so easily to the evil one. He kept shaking his head at his father, but his father grabbed his shoulders and shook him, earning a frightful gasp from him. He had never been this rough on any of his children before. His mama must have then done something really bad, really bad -his mind repeated- to make his papa this angry at him._

_The goofy smile that Philip always gave to his wife and children was replaced by a frustrated sigh and angry expression. Kind and loyal family man Philip was gone, he died, Eustace and Mary killed him and shattered all that kindness when they decided to act on their feelings for each other going behind his back._

_"You can't help your mother now Henry. You have to be a strong boy. Everyone looks up to you. You are our son, you are the only thing along with Philip that I have from her. You two are the light in my dark world. Don't disappoint me son. Great things await you"_

_He wanted to ask about his mama's twins but seeing his father smiling again he decided not to, and instead he enjoyed this brief and his last moment of affection from his father, before he turned back into the ambitious and insensitive Duke that would use his sons for his own advantage when the war for the throne raged on their uncle's death._

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**(Eustace POV)**

**Whitehall: Imperial Embassy**

There had to be. I owed it to her, to the brief moments we shared together; to find a way to save her and our children whose hearts beat with the same desperate hope that their parents possess, that their mother does not give up. I reviewed countless times the evidence, but it was proving to be really tedious. You can't give up Eustace, my mind kept telling me. But oh what was the use, they will execute her, I know this better than anyone.

When the King executed his so called wife Anne Boleyn, everyone in the world, everyone that is that was not a heretic, that the greatest menace in Christendom to poison the King's mind was gone. I was the only who was not so happy with that. Killing Anne Boleyn meant more than just a victory for Mary, it meant the King's descent into madness. He had killed the lover he was willing to crush his daughter, his true wife for, the same lover he had pursuit in his endless amorous pursuit -as with Katherine Howard- for more than seven years. If he could do that to the person that had meant so much for, that I remember there had been rumors, well founded rumors despite what everyone told me, that there had been many attempts against the Princess health. I remember the Queen's autopsy, her heart black as night. Poison, was the first thought in everyone's mind.  
When I asked milady of her opinion regarding her mother's usurper's upcoming execution she had answered me with indifference.

_"Is the harlot dead? I care not for her death or your disgrace, but tell me this: Is Elizabeth to be made a bastard like I've been made a bastard?"_

I answered her not containing my laughter for that devil's spawn, nodding that yes. _"The brat is now a bastard"_ She was not very happy after I said that. Mary was an exceptional human being, she was not the smartest woman in the kingdom, and she knew it too but she was a treasure chest of virtues and goodness. Sometimes I feared she was too good, and too naive for others, including now her bastard and favored by the king and all the people, sister to take advantage.

Anne Boleyn wherever that whore was, she was surely laughing at the turn of events and Her poor Majesty's body which now lay in the cold ground where the worms were eating her decaying flesh, what was left of her, was revolting in her grave and I could see her face in all the documents that I work endlessly to find a flaw to save Mary, look down on me from heaven in contempt for failing to protect her only jewel and hope for our faith to restore this nation back to the true faith.

I know I have not been broken yet, and neither has she. Faith and love has kept strong, and it will continue to for I vow that I will not let my emotions get in the way of her freedom. I must regard this as another case, another assignment, only then can my mind be cleared and we can find a way to clear her from all this mess brought unto her by jealous faces.

She will not be another Anne Boleyn, another ill fated Princess like Cleopatra who died because of her ambitious love affairs. She will die old, and become the queen of everything she has dreamed of, the queen to return this realm to the true faith and bring back justice and punish the wicked. I know it. So I push all my thoughts, the memories of our time spent together aside and get back to work, and now I see begin to see with clarity as there are no longer any doubts in my mind, and slowly the words that I hardly understood are now reorganized into a language that is familiar to me. Treachery. Forgery.

The documents are completely forgery, of course, but I had no way to prove it before. Now I do. I take a letter from one of the drawers next to my bed. There was a letter that Sir Browne gave to the Lady Mary before his death, in it he went to say that he died for the one and only true Catholic faith and that he was happy that on his death he would be released from his earthly prison to meet in heaven at last her virtuous mother whom, he emphasized, was now an angel waiting for her daughter to claim back what was rightfully hers.

When she read it to me I took the letter from her hands immediately after she finished. Such correspondence was dangerous. They could lead people to think the wrong idea. I had chastised her already when she went to meet, without my knowledge, Robert Aske and gave him her pearl earring. We were lucky the King and Cromwell got no wind of such meeting, but I made her promise me for her sake to never do something like that, careless and stupid, again. Her anger at me because I reproached her lasted weeks, but in the end she submitted like her mother many times did without questioning to her father.

I said I would burn the letter but she insisted not to. Why? I asked, she shrugged her shoulders and told me she needed some confidence. She was worried she would never be married and I rolled my eyes telling her that I would only keep this letter intact, if she promised me to tell me next time of any contact she had with enemies of her father or Cromwell's/

Who would know that this letter that could have killed her, or sent her to prison six years ago could be her ticket to freedom?

I spent hours feeling numb and closing the hole that the heretics have punched with their poisonous letters and accusations of my lady in my chest, for her sake. Now I reopen the old wounds, feeling for the first time unbroken, vigorous and renewed of new hope that this letter will be the answer to my prayers and once I would see the signature of Sir Browne and compare it to the forgery Cromwell and the Seymours made, I would prove that the latter was a fake and Mary would be exonerated.

All the rest I would work on later.

But my hope crumbles to ashes and I fall on my knees hissing in pain as I see the fake signature being an exact duplicate of the original.

No -pathetic. You are pathetic, yes I am -I am pathetic, I respond not knowing if I am talking to myself or to my conscience, if I ever had any.

I even thought that in the last moments before she was sent to Syon House before awaiting her trial, I could use my master's help and Van der Defelt's knowledge in secular law, plus his apprentice and spy secretary, Dubois, into presenting before the court, rather creating, reasonable doubt that would put the members in a deadlock and declare a mistrial. But who I was fooling but myself? There was no way to save her. She was going to die, and there was only one person who could stop her, whose only words would create confusion and stir up protest against Cranmer and the rest of the Cromwellian faction.

One person I hated more than I hated anyone in this world, that I dreaded to see him but I knew I had to become the cold, careless and cynic ambassador for her sake and see him one last time before I departed. The person responsible for my misery, Philip of Bavaria.

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_**A/N:**_** This is a chapter that I worked very, very, very, and VERY hard to make. I hope is to everyone's liking. **

**Fact vs Fiction:**

**[1]**_**. Judith M. Richards whom I do not agree with on her views regarding Mary, though she makes an excellent argument and has strong basis to support her theory (if you have JSTOR, go and look for that title of that journal, has useful information if you are writing about Mary, I really recommend it even if you might not or do agree with her views); uses this letter addressed to Simon de Renard who was not only ambassador in Mary I reign, but also member of the Privy council, by the Emperor who wrote saying that Mary should marry with the purpose of having someone to help her rule and produce heirs. The letter is from October 10th, 1533.  
**_

**[2] Reconquista -_word for Reconquer in English refers to the Reconquest of Ferdinand and Isabel of Spain when they took back the territories that the Moors had taken from them._**

_**Also to add to the column of Fact vs Fiction, fact number 2: Sir Anthony Browne is another actual person who was arrested in 1539. According to H.F.M. Prescott who I cited in the previous chapter, in her book "Mary Tudor" she has another one, both of which I recommend, she David Louden and Linda Porter are the BEST biographers on Mary. She makes the arguments based on evidence, through implying that when Anthony Browne was arrested he was asked several times how close he was to the Lady Mary. So I decided to put up those arguments back into my story again to make the argument of the lovers of Mary more realistic.**_

**And as a response to unnamed visitor who I also enjoy his or her reviews, I am thinking about whether or not I leave you all with the sequel, but again I still do not know, a lot of things could happen it all depends on how things go in school and hopefully if I graduate as I intend to for 2012.**

**That said, I want everyone to hit the review button and leave me your comments. I especially enjoy long reviews and one last message for my reviewers before I go:  
Happy Holidays and a Happy new year, have a great time with your families and friends!**

**~VXLP**


	51. Hollowed be thy name

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^**

**As promised, listen to the song from Carrie Underwood from the latest Narnia movie soundtrack: "There's a place for us" **

**It fits this story perfectly.**

**~Carolina

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_"We gather rosebuds from the sharp thorns amid which they bloom"_  
~**Andreas, _De Amore_****

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**1545, London  
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**Whitehall Palace: Great Hall**

Mary was dragged by the guards that had come to her chambers at the unholiest of hours. It was a miracle she wasn't being chained like poor Cleopatra's orphans when they were dragged as wild animals to the crowded streets of Rome following their captor's, August, triumph over their mother's empire.

She managed to break free from the two men that were handling her and scurried off to meet her father in the great hall where the rest of his courtiers were feasting. Celebrating, she thought, my arrest. With her death would come the defeat of the true faith, England would at last be the protestant country her heretic enemies always dreamed of. She couldn't let that happen. She had to let her father see her in her poor state.

Let him see what Philip has done to my face, and then the world would fairly judge her husband and their enemies for the crimes against the people's Princess.

She was not going to let herself be smacked down, she had faced worse dangers before.

"Father!" She shouted running past the guards and knelt before her father whose empty cup had been toasted seconds before next to his partner's, the Duke of Suffolk. Surely if not her father, his friend, would understand and come to rescue her like a knight rescues a maiden from the dragon holding her captive in the tower, from the people that wanted to harm Mary.

"Please for the love you had of my mother, don't let me go! Think of your grandchildren I beseech you!" She dropped to her knees kissing his feet clutching her stomach with one hand and the other to hold her weight. She looked up to meet her cold stare and made on last attempt before the guards came to take her away "Think of your grandchildren, the unborn Princes I hold my womb"

Henry stared deep into his supposed pearl's eyes. They were his eyes, but they were also her mother's.

"I have" he answered in the coldest tone and inclined holding his cane tighter. "And they will be under my protection rest assured"

"Milady" The guards took her and handled her roughly, they had no respect for the King's eldest daughter. "Father!" She tried one more time but her father had retired from her sight along with the rest of his council members who did not look back at their screaming princess.

**~o~**

**Eustace POV**

I was torn into pieces seeing the King's men handling her roughly without any respect for what I still maintain is the true Princess of this realm.

The King proclaimed he would retire for the evening and that no one save himself and with his permission was allowed to whisper the name of Mary ever again. I was also torn between my duty to my master and the love that I had for the Princess. It is my fault that she is in this mess. I did not work hard enough, I was not good enough to protect her from the evils and vanities of this world.

There was amongst the stunned crowd her husband Philip who did not give her a second glance as she was dragged away along with the rest of her ladies to Syon, pending her trial.

He was the only one whose voice would be enough to fill the empty cups of the courtiers that no longer believed in her innocence. I knew that if he spoke to the Privy council and to the enemies of the Princess that something might be reached. She could never see her children again, but at least, I wanted to make a fool of myself and believe that there could be enough hope in spite of the evidence against her, so she could live.

I shake these thoughts off and focus my gaze to Philip who retires soon after the King and the members of the Privy council to his own chambers. I follow him and when he sees me he smirks.

"May we speak Your Grace?"

He dismisses all the servants including his children whom I observe the youngest begins to show traits that are not Tudor or Tratasmara. I resist the urge to grin after the newly created Duke of Richmond past through me leaving me and the laughing Philip of Bavaria alone to discuss his wife's fate.

That boy, I think, when I looked at him he reminded me of my mother, he is beginning to grow the same nose, the same shape of eyes that we inherited from her and he has my shoulders and is taller than Philip's weakling.

"What do you want? Change my mind, plead for the whore's case?"

Philip laughed harder after he received no answer save for the cold and hateful expression on my face.

"You honestly think you can convince me Chapuys? After what that half breed English Spanish whore has done to me?"

I hid my balling fists behind my back abandoning my two canes and walked closer, very slowly, ready to kill. "You are willing to let the mother of your two children" And mine, I think to myself "face the scaffold?" I exclaim in outrage and bewilderment. If he wishes us to be punished, why not denounce me too? It would be so easy, the King hates and respects me. I bet he has wanted my head to sit on top of the highest spike in the tower of London for many years since I began to question his authority after he disregarded the true queen of England, his true wife for a woman that was a whore.

"Your influence in the Privy council could shift the balance to her favor. All you need to do _Your Grace_ is tell the truth. You know better than anyone that she is free from all guilt in this matter. Furthermore" I went on "if you truly wanted me to suffer why didn't you add me -when you had the chance, it would be so easy- to the list of her co-conspirators?"

Why let**_ me_** live? -I always wondered.

Philip poured more French wine to his golden goblet and savored its rich taste. His face ignited with delight and pursued his next words with delicacy savoring every moment of this torture. "My, my, my_ his Excellency_ is completely oblivious. Did my wife kill that last bit of your good common sense? I must congratulate her then, that is if I ever see her. Only good thing she ever did to please me, but how rude of me talking about my late spouse in such a manner. I should be more respectful to the dead"

"She is the mother of your children Your Grace! She stood by you behind your every campaigns, she bore you two heirs one who has become the richest man in the Kingdom after His Majesty and the Prince of Wales! To dwell on the past is I must say a selfish act as is depriving your sons of their mother!" I could not contain myself any longer. He has no idea what he is doing, I do not want my son, her child, to have to suffer through what I did after my doting father died and I was left with a harpy of a mother and an uncle who only wanted to use me for their own schemes against each other.

"Oh so you do admit that the bastard in her nest is yours then!" He said rising his eyebrows smiling mockingly at me. "Why should I care about what happens to her anyway?" His expression turned bitter and cold after I exclaimed she was his wife and his responsibility to protect as the mother of his children -and mine. "She stopped being my wife when she slept with you!"

"And besides" he added putting his empty goblet on the small oak table sitting next to him. "why would I want to join my wife in death when it would be so much better to see you live" I felt blood dripping from my fingernails as I finally realized his punishment for sleeping with Mary. "That would be a greater punishment to you, to see the person you love the most being ripped from your life." His grin widened as did my hate and the own impotence I felt that I could not help Mary escape her fate. "Well a toast" He said with a smug smile on his face raising his goblet at me "to the two love birds"

_I hope you burn in hell Your Grace,_ I thought after he bid me farewell. When I returned to my chambers and I dismissed with an annoyed tone Fleming and the others at my service and my master's, I pulled myself together and started to devise a new plan to help my captive lady. If I could not help her then I will help the creature she nests in her womb. No child of mine will have to grow up in a court of blasphemy and intrigue like the one that is already lost to me to Philip.

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_"From roses covered in thorns by the pretender Christ he rises to power claiming back what is rightfully his. He lurks basking in the warm sunlight of his Aunt's embrace waiting to smite the false prophets that lust after his throne, his path is empty and shadowed by tragedy but like a phoenix he rises from the ashes to overcome his enemies' obstacles"_

**~_Thicker than water_ by VainXLifePoetess

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**London **

**Wanstead Manor:**

Philip and Henry were taken immediately without any more haste to Wanstead manor. They had been transferred there from Hatfield, their Aunt's household after their father broke into a fit of madness, one of many the two younger boys would have to grow used to in their years to come alongside their father.

Their Aunt had been a great company and she effectively created the perfect environment for them, free of worries and far from the intrigues that surrounded her father's royal palace at Hampton where the court had currently taken residence after the arrest of her sister.

The water from the fountain that had been put in place long ago to honor the Princes and Princesses that had been housed long before his aunt had been cursed by drought that Henry brought upon it. Their grandfather upon bastardizing his own daughter and deeming she was unfit to rule her own household, had left everything to rust. The waters had ran dry and the flowers began to die, that was until, the two Bavarian heirs were told, their mother came like a knight in shining armor to their Aunt's rescue. She had pleaded to the queen. The queen listened and their aunt was brought to Court. It was a happy reunion and a happy end to her destitution after her mother's harsh punishment for all the affairs she'd had behind her father's back. Death.

Henry personally never believed it, Philip suspected neither did the people but they had loved their grandmother they believed to be the true queen too much, that they were willing to believe anything the king told them to if it would rid them of Anne Boleyn.

Awareness whirled outward from Henry, he saw the world with a new light after his mother had fallen to her knees pleading before her father, in the same fashion she had done before, only this time it was for a more selfish reason. There was no one in her pleas to save, not her sister, not their family but herself and the two unborn children she carried. Their half siblings whose future was still uncertain. He had never seen his mother cry before. She had always been so strong and cold at times. Wasn't she supposed to be the pearl of Henry VIII world? What had happened to his grandfather's pearl, to his mother? Had the bad men corrupted her so that she no longer was the sun in his father's world?

Things never seemed more unfair for Henry, and Philip wasn't being a good help.

They were constantly arguing.

In their last argument Philip had shouted at Henry that he was unwise and unfit to rule anything outside of the richest lands their grandfather had given him because he, being the healthiest and the strongest of the three Tudor boys, was his favorite.

_"Take that back!" _Henry had bellowed to his brother. He had never been this angry in his life. Not after his mother, he never thought he would cry again but Philip was mean and rude and the boy was as arrogant as they came. He thought because he was the oldest and his mother favored him at last in her last moments with him, that he could do whatever he wanted to Henry. But Henry was going to show him that he was greater in mind and spirit than his so called "better" brother Philip.

_"I will never take that back! I will never take anything back, is all mine. ALL mine and you are just a little fool who happened to be in the way, my way to my father's fiefs!"_

It had gotten worse than that. To their Aunt's aggravating headaches that the two provoked by their constant bickering, Philip had come today with new news to give them about the King's eldest daughter.

"They say they are transferring her to the tower at once" Elizabeth looked at Kat Ashley in alarm. It couldn't be. This could not be happening now. She had been raised by her sister for more than half her life, and she had seen so much in their, at least to her, short lives. She couldn't imagine her father cut his own daughter's head off.

She even had trouble believing that she had done something to smite the King. She knew Mary and she wasn't stupid. Mary was a staunch and ardent Catholic despite her marriage for the sake of the German alliance, to Philip of Bavaria. But she would never do something as horrible as that to the Queen, and if she did -a voice in her head told her- she would not have been so careless.

Elizabeth did not know what to believe anymore. She told Philip to dismiss the King's messenger and pay him with a golden sovereign. Philip did as he was told and then he returned with a horrified expression his face, followed by Henry who now had more questions than answers.

Elizabeth beckoned her nephews to sit besides her. They did just that and she told them that the fight for their mother's survival was not over. "There will be a trial" she said pausing for a second considering what she would say next before continuing. "Your mother will be given representation and do not forget she is the cousin of the Emperor, I am sure he will do something" But her words were not enough to convince the two poor distraught boys.

Winter had taken its worst toll on the Isle. Philip was not allowed to play outside in the snow like his other male relatives or boys his age. Henry however seeing no danger in it, Elizabeth let him have his share of fun by finding new playmates for him. He wasn't as arrogant as his older brother and accepted the hands of other beneath him to go out and play. He was a kind and understanding little boy that reminded her a lot of herself when she was that age. Careless, innocent and pure.

She caught her breath when Henry asked her the long awaited question. "Will he kill her?"

She fixed her gaze at him and then to Philip who looked attentively awaiting his Aunt's answer. The sunlight hit him and he blinked moving closer to Henry to cover his eyes from being blinded by the intense light.

"It is all in the hands of God now"

Henry frowned. It was not the answer he was looking for. "She knew better than to poison our uncle. Why would she do that Aunt Bessie?" He asked feeling dumb to ask a question he already knew the answer.

"There is no proof of that yet" Auntie Bessie said looking away and left the boys to continue with their bickering but she stopped in her tracks before reaching the door when she heard Philip loose his patience, as usual, to Henry and shout at him "You will be the worst thing that happens to England, mum would have been a good King you however will be a Queen if I die without heir. Queen Henrietta, Queen Henrietta!"

Philip barked in laughter at Henry's squeezed palms and annoyance he displayed in his facial features.

"Take it back!" He was going to say but this time he had his Aunt to aid him and prove once and for all who was the better of the two.

"Do not tell that to your brother, if anyone will be a bad or terrible King Philip that will be you!" She scolded, helping her fallen youngest nephew to the small armchair made just for him next to the window where the sun smiled the less.

"You are going to be a king someday if God help us our Duke of Cornwall fails to fulfill God's will. You cannot judged based on your poor judgment of the world. What do you know of the world? I have seen very little of the world Philip but I can tell you this, it is cold, cruel and one sign people see of weakness in their king and they will rebel against you."

"Mark my words" she finished "the people have no tolerance when it comes to weakness and neither have I when it comes to your arrogance. You constantly are driving me up the wall and your brother is blameless, if you want to blame somebody take a good look at the mirror" She ended chiding at Philip.

But the younger boy was not done yet with his brother.

"Do not blame me! I am not the one who carouses with whores' daughters or plays with people beneath him!"

"So what?" Henry yelled back "They are people too are they not?"

"Not like us Henry, but keep on playing and hopefully your gold fame will rust just like our father threw our mother, he will throw you away!"

"He will throw you away instead, you are nothing and if I have children I would rather have daughters that I can use to trade and encase the devil to my advantage. They would not whine all the time and act like babies like you Philip!"

"Henry let us not go far!" Elizabeth wanted England's heir to be open and strong but not as rebellious like this. The last thing they needed was another Abelard lusting after his Heliose or preaching for the education of common women in the streets. The people of England would never accept it. She would, being a woman of noble blood nothing would have make her happy, but the rest of her fellow Lutheran peers would think this worse than Catholic heresy. "It is folly!"

"Not when our the more renown philosophers of Ancient Greece said so. Aristotle said that our time on Earth was all that mattered, the Catholic saint said so too after his works were discovered and translated by Benedictine monks. Luther said it too" He reminded her walking past her to where Philip was "You said it yourself, souls are the same no matter what their sex."

"You don't know how to distinguish sarcasm" Philip said acidly "I meant it only to please mother and you our little golden boy. I could care less about who is best who is worse."

"You should then. Because girls have a greater advantage"

"No they don't. Girls can't command armies, they can't lead men into battle and they CANNOT become Queens and much less Kings."

"You sure of yourself?" He challenged "I bet a woman will someday command our mother England to sail far into the Eastern lands and establish domain over all the world, you will see."

Elizabeth tapped on her nephew's shoulder, this was becoming very uncomfortable for all the people present, the servants had stopped doing their chores and listened in outside their masters' chambers at the conversation intrigued and shocked by the courage of their younger master's words.

"Women cannot be Kings, we can be queens but remember what our holy scriptures teaches us -we must keep ourselves pure for the devil lurks everywhere and women especially are very vulnerable to his trickery." She personally didn't believe that men were better than women, all the opposite. She knew for a fact that women could bend an empire to their knees, and bring the greatest king or emperor to his as well. But so far as to being the holy or demonic beings that Henry was suggesting her sex was, was plain ridiculous.

"Women can have greater power** if **they want to. Women have brought men to their knees before, they have been the cause of wars and the end of many. Women can be traded, bought of, sold to the highest bidder and if fate be said they can use their seductive power to enslave the most powerful of men and philosophers to do their bidding for the good or bad of their people"

Elizabeth was astounded, and impressed. The knowledge her smaller nephew displayed was a dangerous one but revolutionary. Nonetheless Elizabeth's head was putting many obstacles to these dangerous ideas of her nephew, if anyone, especially her father, got wind of them they would disinherit England's greatest hope for a true reformation (being that her only brother was a dullard and easy to manipulate, at best it would be the Calvinist Seymour faction ruling the country and not her brother) and put an end to her dreams of transforming England to a powerful nation.

It was easy to see that England had problems of disunion and anarchy that enraged Elizabeth and her father in the domains of the north where they still foolishly held to their rebellion and refuse to recognize her father as the true head of the England church. Then there were the matter of taxes that her father kept increasing to cover the expenses of his costly war against France.

This household, she thought, would have been a great place to put an end to her nephews' rivalry but it had only made it worse. And it had been her mistake to believe that Philip would have changed for the better. He was, she feared, another dullard who would be manipulated by people of the conservative faction given his new views -brought about by his mother's house arrest- in the conservative faction whose only interest was to enslave the English people and bring back the old ways.

Henry had to be different than his brother, but first she had knock some good sense into that head of his and crush those rebellious ideas once and for all. She didn't want any of her servants who might be spies from her father or Cromwell's reporting back to him.

"If a woman is stainless than she is pure and incapable of judgment by God and the devil however if she houses the devil then she can become whatever she wants independent and free of both forces that battle to control her" He argued against what his Aunt was telling him. "No matter what you or Philip tell me I know that women are better than men, otherwise why did the Lord chose a woman to bear the savior, why did He chose his own to act through a woman when he rescued Mary Magdalene from being stoned to death by sinners that were just as bad as she was?"

Elizabeth was speechless. Her youngest nephew was proving to be a challenge and impossible to tame, he had the same indomitable, wild, free spirit that characterized her mother.

A worthy heir to _her_ cause.

"You are mad" Philip said walking away from Henry before he could hear anymore of this nonsense.

"You will see Philip. I will become King, you will have no heirs and God as my witness if I have daughters they will rule a greater and mighty empire than any you or uncle Edward rule! Mark my words" Henry vowed, his eyes followed Philip's form and waited until he was gone to be back in his Aunt's warm embrace.

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**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and I hope to receive more reviews.**

**I worked long and hard for this chapter just before the finals started and revised it constantly.**

**Happy Holidays to everyone and a Happy New Year now for sure I can say that I will not update until after the new year, I will be going on vacation and currently I am reading a new book on the Borgias plus on Marion Zimmer Bradley and Diana L Paxon's new release "Sword of Avalon" which I started today and I have to say that so far I am liking it, it doesn't do enough justice to her previous books but is a worthy prequel to _Mists_.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***Actual places described in this chapter such as Whitehall and Wanstead do exist as we know by the first one, and are located in London. Wanstead has some interesting history leading to Mary's historical coronation on October 1553. It was the place where Lady Elizabeth, the future Virgin Queen, took refuge after Mary's armies of commoners stormed through London to reclaim their princess' birthright and proclaim her Queen. The latter did not happen until later on in an official ceremony, despite that they were referring her beforehand as their queen, in Westminster. Elizabeth rode from Wanstead and met their sister days after where together they rode triumphantly to the streets of London.  
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	52. A deal with the Divine

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
**

**A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers, everyone who has followed this story.**

**Happy New Year, hope everyone has been enjoying these first two weeks of '11, here as promised the next chapter of AW. Count the days we are coming close to the ending and if I get enough reviews, call it blackmail whatever you want :P I will update even sooner and include the aftermath of our main characters.**

**The song I recommend is Trobar de Morte: _When the Night falls_ it works better as to feel the emotions in this chapter.  
**

**~VXLP  
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_"Life is as miserable as it is. Why would someone in God's name seek to prolong it?"_

**Edgar Allan Poe in_ Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter _**  
**_by _Seth Grahame Smith**_  
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**_1545,_**

**Scyon House: **

_Mary, Mary oh Mary! How did you ever wind up like THIS? _She thought shunning herself from disgrace of being touched by the sun's rays in fears they would burn her. She never felt this disgusted of her father, of her husband, of the land she called home, of herself above all! She covered her eyes from the blazing fire of the sun's rays and turned away from the chiding gazes of Susan and Elsa. There were her only women with her now and the only people she could trust. Jane Dormer by request of her strict father and uncle had been removed from her services. Being strict Catholics they adhered to the old customs and as true believers they preached chastity in a marriage, save only for the spouse, was the most sacred of all life's vows. To end a marriage like this was like setting fire to gardens of Eden. It destroys the soul -scholars preached. Mary, in the bitter end of her last days spent on Scyon did not know what to believe anymore.

Was she a witch, a fiend, a villain, the temptress they all spoke of? Had she driven Eustace and many others to commit sin and perjure themselves on trial? Eustace was not going to be on trial nor was he suspected for those who were aloof to the truth, about the true nature of their relationship. But in respect of his job, his dignity and his obedience to his highest master -God- she had put him on a delicate position. How would they, especially Eustace, explain when they would be judged on accounts of their fidelity to -while they had been bound to Earth- masters? What face would they show themselves with when final judgment came?

Mary looked down as if hearing God's voice now in shame. There was here the product of her sin and her punishment. Her children as her, were to be born in a world of madness and sin. They would become castaways as she was now one. Would Philip and her father immure them in a residence like the one she was now? Never to see their relatives? Never to be loved and bear the joys of being lifted by the loving arms of their aunts and uncles who would be there to kiss them good night before they went asleep? Would no one open their hearts for two little orphans?

No, Mary guessed not. How could they? They were the products of sin. No one would want to be associated with them. Hell, she doubted that if she was one of those noble ladies assigned to guard, at least one of these two little devils, she would accept.

She massaged her swollen belly and in doing the insolence from her two little ones ceased. They stopped kicking, their mother's brief contact and hearing the sound of her voice singing to them, calmed them down and also reassured them that no matter what -she would always be there for them. "No matter what" she repeated.

**~o~**

Susan watched but did not say anything. She kept her mouth shout these days since Jane's leave. Her parents, she told her elder companion before leaving, did not approve of a woman disobedient of her husband. And with the scandal that Mary's stained marriage was leaving, they were afraid of the Protestant faith growing stronger among former members of the true faith because of it. Susan did not blame Jane for wanting to leave, but could have her parents at least have some common sense and look at the facts in front of them? Did they not see that it was all another of Cromwell's schemes to bring the Lady Mary down and that he was succeeding by taking advantage of the naivety of indolent fools like Jane's parents?

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_**1545,**_

**Tower of London:**

After Scyon had come the tower. It came in short notice and Mary didn't know what to make of this new arrangement. She guessed she and the others couldn't really complain now as they 'settled' in their new accommodations. Scyon had not been that bad after all looking at the stone and humid walls that were to be her new 'home' until, explained to her, she gives birth. Scyon had at least had windows in every corner of the room except for the kitchens, this last detail she never knew why but it mattered very little to her now. Her pension had not been diminished nor her furniture or clothing exchanged for more humble ones. In fact she had enjoyed little parties and organized a small feasting (while being watched by her father's private guard) to remind Susan and Elsa that this was not the end of their journey, merely just a setback.

Now there would be no reason for celebration. This was in fact a prison and her last judgment.

Her relationship with the Church was no longer good. They did not want to do anything with her by now. But through it all she never stopped hoping, praying, and holding dear the faith that had so comforted her mother, now comforted her.

Susan wondered if there was some truth in it. If the daughter of two fervent, or at least one of them, Catholics could still be the servant of the Church that had left her to venture alone in her quest for redemption? She didn't need to know anything of letters, philosophy, or the law to know that there never lived a more innocent but brave plain, and simple woman like was her mistress. That they believed her capable of seducing so many men and carousing like a mare with all of them was, it had to be, a sin.

Mary imagined the glory expressed in the Archbishop of Canterbury's eyes when the axe would be swung against her neck in the same fashion she now imagined, when she had been put to sleep by the babies' incessant kicking and the aches that came from it.

"Love will come to pass where wolves prey" she sang to her unborn. The children moved at the rhythm of their mother's voice. After she finished she bid them a farewell sensing, being after all a plain thinking woman, that this would be the last time she would ever sing to them. There would be no more music sweeter than the sound of her voice to comfort the two little -unknown to Mary- girls in the years to come. Her voice had been the antidote in the darkness and the obstacles that had plagued her mother throughout all her life in England. They would never find anymore comfort after they would be released from the warmness of their mother's womb.

Mary knelt to the floor and wept, damning herself for being a coward, for succumbing so easily to her feelings. God be damned, she did the impossible and damned everything from her parents to her celestial parents, God and the Virgin Mary. Susan came to kneel next to her but not Elsa, she instead stood silently next to them looking up at the large window behind them. It would be folly to place a hand on the Duchess' back and whisper words that they all know lead to nowhere -lies. If there was something Elsa hated more in this life was to be lied in the guise of sweetness with the excuse to bring comfort. Their mistress did not need comfort nor pity. The latter Elsa considered it the worse. But with Mary it was different, she had never stumbled upon such a woman who could be strong and valiant yet weak and extremely frail like a china doll on the outside when she was forced to beg. What had began as a simple relationship as Mistress and servant had evolved into one of friendship.

Mary never said it but she had come to love the oldest of her servants because she reminded her so much of tales her mother had told her countless times in their short time spent together during her childhood of her own mother, _Isabel la Catolica_ [1], better known as the greatest Queen that Spain had ever had. Mary had found Elsa to be the epitome of friendliness. She never stopped smiling and she always had something to say. Susan had at first complained that she talked too much, but for someone like Mary who hardly had anybody to talk with during her tender years growing up in the Welsh Marches at Ludlow Castle and now being further immured, too much talk seemed no longer annoying.

Elsa finally broke from hearing more of her mistress' cries her stoic self, and knelt down to join Susan in bringing comfort to Mary. Night finally fell and the only light in the large room was the moon's. They had been provided with candles, a large bed was at the end, there was even a small stove, a place where to light the fire and cook and of course the only thing that Mary had requested and she was relieved her wish was granted, a table where the former Princess could sit on while she read her Latin bible, the dozen books that had been brought to her from her household on lives of the saints, Greek and Roman classics, and where she could also write. On the latter she had to be very selective since she had been given very little paper and ink. But when it came to light at the dead of night Mary would prefer to have the moon whenever it was visible to light the room. If the sky was clouded and there was no moon to shine its way through their only passage to the outside world then she would light only one candle, for darkness was the least of her worries.

"Are you not afraid?" Susan asked one day when she found Mary woken up early by one of her daily cramps. The former Princess looked at her best friend and companion shaking her head. "Was it another nightmare?" Susan asked referring to the reason why her friend had woken up so early.

Mary shook her head once more. "No, at first I" she went on to explain her eyes distant. "thought that light was my friend, that it would block the bad dreams at night, but when you live this long after so many tragedies you learn to appreciate darkness and the small moments that God dispenses his happiness to you no matter how short-lived they might be."

Susan shrugged. "I would rather stay awake all night with light than having to go to bed without it"

"Why? Is it because of nightmares Susan?" Mary inquired cocking her head slightly to the left, shifting her gaze at Elsa, who was still asleep and drew her attention back to Susan. "I do not expect to be hit with nightmares again and if I am I have nothing to fear of them"

Susan opened her mouth, Mary held her hand up stopping her from asking the evident.

"When you sleep you are just confined to illusion. Your mind brings the worst and best out of you when you are in Morpheus's land. But no matter how worse my nightmares become I prefer them by now because when I wake up I find myself face to face with a worse nightmare: life"

"Then why do you still hope?" Susan challenged "Why insist on sending letters to your father? Why insist on his seal for forgiveness? Why insist on your innocence?"

She didn't answer Susan. There were no words that could suffice Susan's answer, so Mary chose instead to respond by casting her gaze down at her stomach, the source of all her troubles.

* * *

_"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."_**  
~_Bene Gesserit Litany in Dune by Frank Herbert

* * *

_**

**(Eustace Chapuys POV)**

**London,  
**

**Imperial Embassy:  
**

Like Mary, I gave in constantly in my work. What if there could be some way that I could snatch the last product of our union, the fruit of her hardship? I had something that my mind had been brewing for the past three weeks, but I wasn't sure if I was ready yet.

At the trial, I remember where she had faced her accusers and many familiar faces (mine among them) she had looked every inch the proud Princess I remembered her. It was as if the prison walls and the slandering she received from judges and clergy men had done nothing to bring her down and I found myself proud at the moment she spoke to John Dudley, better known as Lord Warwick and the thorn to the Seymours' side, for this particular courtier had been gaining a lot of attention and favor from their Majesties. His sons who were almost the same age as the Lady Elizabeth and the Prince respectively had been placed separately with the Prince's household and the Duke of Richmond. Unlike Seymour, Dudley was proving to be a better player and a better bystander.

Van der Defelt had been there with me. He was not the cleverest man I had ever known, but he was one of the more cunning and he knew when to speak and when to take advantage for himself and for our master Charles. He was undeniably dull when he spoke, hardly laughed like I did and hardly had a taste for jesting or making small private parties like I myself had done countless times to pass the time when there was nothing to do in this god-forsaking country, in his lodgings.

I told him that if he wanted to survive in this land he had to learn to laugh at everything, and accompany that laugh with strangeness, for the Kings in these land I emphasized love men of gay speech and gay manners. _"The King loves to be amused and if reports of his little Prince carry any true to it, he will be another child who yearns to be pampered with jokes and good news. Any bad news the English have a great distaste for, you will do best by disguise it as simple inconveniences. Never think of them as lies, think of them as re-phrased truths"_ I advised him, and he looked at me oddly replying nothing.

I often asked myself if he knew the creature or creatures Mary holds inside whose fate is now in my hands, is really mine. He has given previous hints he does. Last week while I had been writing a letter, my dying wish if I was caught in the act while saving my unborn son's life; Van der Defelt had barged in not bothering to knock or asked for my availability. He had briefly looked on the letters written on my desk before his grave eyes shifted back to mine.

_"What?"_ I had inquired clearly angry that he had come. It was not so much anger because he had barged in without bothering to knock first or ask of my health or if I was available. I had taught him of the politics by impressing upon him the importance of dissimulation, to survive in a court where wolves and rats mingled. I urged on the need to think first before striking a chord in an enemy's heart, if be that enemy had any, the least he could do was show some manners! But that was not sent my heart palpitating wildly, it was his eyes scanning the contents of the letter too quickly, but it was only for two seconds that he did. Surely he could not have seen anything, and I hoped not the more important content that revealed my and Mary's true relationship.

_"The verdict just came in while you were writing and gout I am sure kept you today from showing up. In all there was nothing new except the final judgment, it was as you and I had expected. Guilty"_ My darling Mary were the only words that I heard being uttered inside my voice. I did something afterward, hardly recalling of the words that me and Van der Defelt exchanged that day after he told me of the verdict, that I had not done in years: I bargained with God. I would gladly trade my happiness, my own accomplishment for the life of my unborn child that Mary still carries.

"Please Lord watch over it, I beg" no, he rephrased "I demand, let him or her live. Do not punish him or her for the grave sin of adultery, if you need to punish anyone, punish me Lord. Make me your puppet, send me to hell even while I live I don't care, but don't punish that little one for in all Your mercy, You must know he or she is innocent." But if I was spared as my unborn, then we would be the two more fortunate souls and I would forever be blessed and in His debt.

I finished praying and I looked back after I summoned Fleming telling him it was time. There was no more parchment waiting to be filled by pen dipped in black ink. My duty to my master in England was done, I had done for him as far my mind and more than my body could take. I was not going to be chained anymore by his commands and I was glad that I would not have to listen nor having to watch my back for the King of England or his courtiers' heels.

It was perhaps too soon, my moves too hasty but I knew what I was doing and I had planned everything carefully and I had prided myself in doing so for I knew that nothing I did, was done incomplete or was merely half a step ahead. Out of all the insults thrown at me by my enemies and countless heretics that I was a man who lingered to close to the devil and had always walked three steps ahead of men fearful of God, this one was the one I was most amused and the one that carried more truth.

I never left things half done, everything I did was carefully done, coldly planed.

* * *

Isabella's cries were hard enough to wake up the dead or half starved souls locked in the lowers levels of the Tower of London as Master Kingston and former Captain of the guard carried the wailing newborn to her new guard. The warden had been approached by a sturdy and dark haired man of average height who spoke with a foreign accent, that Kingston could only guess by it he was a Spaniard and therefore either his former Excellency's or his substitute's. Either way, he had brought him with a wealthy sum of money and promised him more to come if he did his master's one big favor.

"What big favor?" He had asked. It had turned out to be a disappointment. He had expected his Excellency to ask for a minute alone with the disgraced Duchess or for a more outrageous favor. But when he accepted due to his gambling debts and that of his family's, he was reminded that the cold, callous, and cynical ambassador never did anything so foolish unless he had a good plan.

After he had given Mary's newborn to Eustace he saw how the Ambassador looked more ragged and his voice had become more rough, shortly after his eyes had widened in surprise when Kingston had told him that she had borne a set of healthy twin girls. He had composed himself quickly but for the first time, the old warden had seen a tray of emotion pass through his eyes. It was however something meaningless and that the warden would forget very soon, many things he had come to forget now save this: two young women, braver than any man or woman he had ever met. They had been rivals all their lives, but in death they had found comfort in the religions that had brought them and their respective peers much comfort.

The warden before returning to the main gates where he would wait for the Earl of Hertford to arrive, no doubt to come for the other child. He muttered a small prayer for the Duchess' soul and wished the best for the two girls she gave birth to.

* * *

**_A/N: _There it is, now you know what to do if we want this story to be updated.**

**[1] _Isabel the Catholic_ in Spanish**

**This chapter as we see from the middle starts from where this story begins after Mary gives birth to Isabella and Elizabeth. Though Isabella is more of an Italian and French form I decided that Mary for the story purposes and because we are all used to it by now in fanfiction, names one of her twins Isabella while the other in the Anglo form of Elizabeth.  
**

**REVIEW! I love all your reviews, and whatever feedback you give me, but above all I have to admit long reviews are my favorites.**

**~VainXLifePoetess**


	53. Sweeter poison

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
**

**A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers, everyone who has followed this story.**

**~VXLP  
**

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_"Drink the wine my darling you said  
take your time  
take your time ...  
and consume all of it  
But the roses only to chain my inspiration  
the promise I was spawned before they left your lips  
I breath you in again just to feel you  
underneath my skin holding unto  
the sweetest escape is always laced with that familiar taste of poison_

_I tell myself: that you are no good for me  
I wish you well but desire never leaves  
I confide this to the end but maybe I don't want to wait  
I breath you in again just to feel you  
underneath my skin holding unto  
the sweetest escape is always laced with that familiar taste of poison_

_I do not want to be save  
I do not want to be sober  
I want you on my mind  
In my dreams behind these eyes that I don't want to wake up  
No! Not this time  
I breath you in again just to feel you  
underneath my skin holding unto  
the sweetest escape is always laced with that familiar taste of poison  
Familiar taste of poison"_

**~_Familiar taste of poison by Halestorm_**_  
_

_

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_

**England**

**_1545,_ September 16th **

**Tower of London: Mary's cell:**

There was no more prayers to whisper to their invisible God as their mistress had lay in bed unable to move any of her limbs. The same fever that had plagued many of her ancestresses had now befallen Mary. So now she could neither stand nor utter a word without releasing a violent cough spitting out blood.

_How had this happen to me?_ She wondered, whispering to herself at the dead of night when she would turn with much pain at each of her attendants. Susan and Elsa. The latter had had sleepless nights watching over her mistress, never ceasing to compare her fate to that of her daughter's. The ill fated daughter of Elsa de Goya who believed she could make a difference when she joined the Pilgrimage of Grace. But before the Pilgrimage began, the movement was doomed. It lacked organization and loyalty and many had fallen back on their promises, seeking in the long run when they perceived the inevitable ruin of their leader. Robert Aske. They sought favors through their betrayal. It was advantageous at best, and not as selfish as many believed. All of the men who had betrayed their friends were family men who owed their loyalty first to them than to the God they worshiped. Elsa's daughter had not seen this, and in her blind fanaticism she had followed Aske and the other followers to the death.

Like her daughter, her mistress had shown strength driven from her unwavering and blind faith. Mary believed with all her heart that she was dying a martyr and had been unjustly condemned. Regardless of what the former Princess and Duchess of Bavaria believed, the reality of things weighed more than the truth here. If she did not die in the scaffold she would surely die of the fever.

Mary made sure that her two maids were asleep and looking at the barred window behind her she saw the moon at its highest zenith, its light shining down on her. But it was not a warm and comforting light. Its color, silver mixed with white reminded her that she was like the moon goddess, a Princess born of royalty, descendant of the greatest royals that ever walked Christendom, nevertheless she had been driven to darkness by her enemies and that of her mother's. Her light no longer shined as brightly as the sun, she was neither gold nor the figure her mother had expected to be admired by her adopted people. She was condemned to walk alone, and looked down upon.

Her aura had turned cold and forgetting for a moment about Greek mythology, her favorite when it came to the classics was the Illiad and Greek philosophy; she turned her attention instead to the stars. Her father rarely discussed them save when he was in the company of Sir Thomas Moore, the author and once beloved friend of her father's, she had admired the most in her adolescence. He had written one of the greatest book, unlike Machiavelli's, Moore's vision of an ideal society was more positive yet even he admitted that his ideal world could never be. _"People"_ her mother once said _"are too vile and too easy to fall into temptation. At the first of taste of power all the goodness they might have gets erased. Men love power Mary, and they will do anything to keep it."_

_"Anything"_ Her mother's words echoed as she repeated them in the silent walls of her chamber.

* * *

**(Mary POV)**

Avarice. I thought. My father was faithless, he had become completely cowardly, firm and with nerves of steel but without any morality left in his soul, and I suspected that too had been long gone. He had become worse than that libertine King Francis he was still fighting. Last I heard he and the Emperor were still holding each others' goods and my father had not yet agreed to the peace treaty he had initially told my cousin he agreed, between himself and the French King. He was worse off than when he began breaking off from Rome to wed the harlot, whose memory of the mistreatment I suffered from her servants at Hatfield and Bealieu still haunt me.

My father cared very little when he was told my condition had worsening in these past month. The Earl of Hertford when he came to visit me accompanied by my father's secretary and former Ambassador during the war, William Paget, had both seemed frustrated. The former more than the latter. Dr. Butts had come, but I suspected that it was not to treat the fever, more to prolong the pain so my execution would not be postponed any longer. I had never found myself praying for death until that moment when Dr. Butts had come in. A heretic I thought. I knew like Cranmer he had been counseling my father to side with the heretics rather than to punish them and cleanse their souls from the devil. He was a servant of Satan, I could not accept his cure or any tonics, but for the sake of keeping appearances and because I did not want my behavior affect Elizabeth, my daughter, treatment at the hands of my husband.

I took all the potions, the lotions, and obeyed all of Dr. Butts' advices. But I always did with a prayer whispered in my head that nothing of his methods would work. I pleaded to Him to spare me life and worsen my condition. If He listened he would save me from the humiliation of having to face the scaffold before a crowd of enemies. And listen He did.

After two months of long waiting Dr. Butts had shaken his head in disbelief and pity. I knew as Susan and Elsa were taken from me, that my fate had been written. I could only thank God. I was finally going to be reunited with my mother, see the grandmother that I never had the pleasure to, but always wished to, meet. I ended what I thought was my last prayer as I saw the Earl back away from me as soon as he delivered a document in my hands which surprisingly I could still move.

There had been placed in the chair next to me, pen and ink. It was a document, read to me by William Paget before the Earl had dumped it on my legs as I sat up straight barely giving it a second look after I dipped the pen in fresh black ink and signed it. It was a great blow to me. I felt I had given my soul to the devil ... again. My birthright. My mother's dreams, my own dreams in exchange of my sons' claim to a throne that should have been rightfully mine!

I would never be Queen, I would never bring back the true faith to England. I sobbed after I was done. Edward Seymour snatched it from me and later a guard came to take the pen and ink that had been provided for me.

Edward Seymour barely gave me a second glance after taking the document and placing it under his arm. William Paget gave me one look of pity which I found it worse than the former's coldness. I did not need their pity or their charity. When I asked if they could bring me news of my daughter I was given no answer. They had come with the mission to make sure that I would give up my rights to the crown and pass it on to my sons.

I waited for several days for Susan and Elsa to come. When I realized they weren't, I closed eyes and hoped for the inevitable. I was so entrenched picturing my mother in her gold and red gowns receiving me along with Saint Peter and my grandmother, when I reached heaven's gates that I didn't take notice or rather I didn't care of my body's improvement against the fever that I had been fighting for over more than two months.

* * *

_"One must not let oneself be overwhelmed by sadness."_

**~Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis**

_**

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**_

**(Eustace POV)**

**_1545, _September 15th -December 21st_  
_**

**Louvian:  
**

"She has my chin" I whispered holding back the tears that were being produced at the sound of the waves hitting the ship, causing it to rock further and disturbing my little (I could still not believe she was mine and _only_ mine) baby girl.

I could not bring myself to come from the bed for more than a week's times. We were supposed to disembark earlier but because of the tides we confronted at sea in an unexpected time, we were forced to remain longer hidden in our cabin like lepers. I could not come to come to enjoy nor breath the fresh air because the sight of little Isabella kept me up all day. She was my little angel, my goddess. Yet in spite of all the glamor that shone in the baby girl's face, there was a small trace of frailty behind those two sky blue orbs which she had inherited from me. Besides that, she had inherited my smile, my broad shoulders I could tell despite her being only a week old, but what stroke me as a great sadness that invaded me when I held this child, was the child's hair. It was beginning to grow quickly, and her dark auburn, almost brown hair reminded me of her.

After the ship finally reached the harbor, Fleming and Raphael along with two other servants of mine who had come to receive me, helped me climb up to the carriage that had been waiting for me, I reckon for more than a week. The ride back to the state I had purchased years ago while I had been forced to leave England on a matter of Imperial business was as I remembered it.

Nothing had changed except for the beds and guest chambers that had been re-arranged at my bidding in case I was every to have any visitors. Perfect relief is not possible except with time, I whispered silently more to myself than to the child that I was supposed to bring comfort to. She was from a pure and holier sort than any I had laid eyes on before. I have had enough experience to recognize a pure and unique one from a tainted one like myself.

But while I was comforted by the giggles of the little girl I held at night in my arms rocking her. I was beginning to grow worse, and it was not a physical pain but a pain that I thought I could not bare anymore that no tonic could cure. It was the pain of realizing after I had arrived to my new home with a crying baby in my arms, that I would no longer be graced with her smile, that her lips would never kiss mine. She was long gone and I had to move one. What other choice was there for me?

There was nothing left.

Everything that I had loved was taken from me, I was barely hanging on. Taking care of a baby proved to be very challenging. I wasn't the one changing or feeding her, but at night when I needed my much deserved rest, I found myself having great difficulty to keep my eyes close and drift into the land of Morpheus where I would much rather be. There was nothing left for me in this life but tend to a child who would not let me sleep. Servants who thought I was crazy for taking in a bastard child who would not let me sleep nor rest after my last attack from gout where I could barely stood up after days of being stuck in bed, on the physician's orders.

Even Fleming was beginning to grow annoying by being woken in the middle of the night to tend to his master and his crying nuisance of a child. Here by my side I had thought, very wrong now I see, that the child would heal my pain from having Mary being stolen from me by an act of cruel fate.

I was glad I had not been in England holding little Isabella when I was told three weeks later after our arrival to Antwerp, that the former Princess of Wales and Duchess of Bavaria had died almost immediately after she had given birth to her twins. I wondered if fate had chosen the lesser of two evils to spare from the humiliations of being seen weak and deprived of her best jewels, and having to face a crowd of spectators who were no longer her friends and would all be praying for her a fast departure from this world. Had God decided to bring this evil on her so she would not have to live the agony that the harlot had in her last days of reckoning?

I would very much like to believe it so. But alas I know better. Mary was not going to return to me, and God had saw fit to punish her for the crime of adultery and treason. The latter which we both knew she did not commit. But that secret, she and Philip, will take it to their graves and there is nothing I can do now but mourn.

As I paced back and forward painfully clutching my two canes that remained ever my faithful companions, I hear the door knob turn slowly as if the person behind it was hesitating to tell me some more terrible news from that dreaded place. In my despair I did not hear a second voice accompany Fleming as he bid me good morrow shortly before opening the door completely so he could be in full sight. I reminded him that sick as I was, I still possessed my other four senses.

Fleming's smile became contrite and he took a step backward as if he was hiding something, or someone -my mind said, from my sight.

I peered walking closer to Fleming, over his shoulder but saw nothing except a lonely shadow. Nothing suspicious there, it was probably one of the servants coming to bring me my medicine for the gout, waiting for my butler to leave._ They could well be glued there waiting an eternity_, I thought returning to my chair where I sat looking more tired than ever. Fleming was not one to hold a light conversation with. There were bags underneath my eyes, I had not slept in over three months. The child does not cease her cries unless I hold her and rock her to sleep. I am just a poor, old man you have for a father, sometimes I wish she could understand me and know the pain her eyes and long wails are causing me.

Fleming sighed and after what seemed the longest five minutes in my miserable life he answered the question that had been running wildly in my mind: Why was he here?

He smirked first to my annoyance causing me to roll my eyes. "I bring you great news master from England" He hesitated before saying the name of that dreaded island that had cause me great pain. Great? How can news from that Country be any great? Nonetheless despite I had renounced to my crown of thorns of being the Imperial Ambassador, I was still his Imperial subject and anything concerning England concerned me. As far as business there went I heard that Van der Defelt had proved against all odds a great replacement of mine. The Queen and Regent, Mary of Hungary though still asked my opinion concerning Imperial relations with that land and the Prince Regent, Philip of Asturias also wrote to me constantly. But his letters were of a different sort, it all had to do with the attitude of the English monarch concerning his two youngest male heirs, the Marques Philip and the Duke of Richmond, Lord Henry, the Bavarian Tudors. It did not take a brilliant mind to unmask Philip's true intentions. He was eighteen. An age most men were already married, but that wasn't what mattered, he wanted desperately to prove to his father that he was a worthy successor and a King greater than any other, including Charles, to Spain and the colonies that had expanded his father and his future kingdom as well as amassing for them greater wealth. He wanted an alliance with England. Where his father was failing to prove to England's stubborn councilors and their King to retire all their English navy and the goods they had confiscated from French and other merchant ships; Philip thought that he could do better by cementing an alliance of eternal friendship between their Country and England through marriage.

Philip was not yet married but I had no doubt he would soon be, and his health had always been frail. Since he was a little boy there had been worries that he would not outlast his parents, fate however had other plans proving his father's physicians wrong when it took his mother and Philip, with no father to talk to save through their short and very formal letters, was left practically an orphan. Like Mary he proved all his father's enemies wrong and now here he was, a man who would inherit half of the world and be the second richest man alive after the vicar of Christ. His ambition was modeled after his desire to leave a footprint in history greater than his old man. However, unlike Henry VIII who wanted the world all for himself, Philip truly cared I believed, despite my first impression of him being that of a pampered Prince, for the welfare of his country and all those that lived in his domains.  
Nevertheless, I advised Philip to be cautious of those two boys, either of them he planned to betroth any future Princess he had with his bride. If they were anything like their grandfather I warned him, he could expect no less amiable character than the one Henry VIII had shown to his father when the matter of the salt herrings that Van der Defelt and I (shortly before leaving to Louvian) discussed with the Privy Council.

I received no late reply as expected from the Prince of Asturias. He was very persistent.

I looked at Fleming before returning my eyes to the letter of the Prince. "And what are those _great_ news?" I ask with _great_ indifference.

Fleming cleared his throat, I was expecting a loud sermon or monologue about the importance that England still held to my former masters and to Granvelle, whom I unfortunately still answer to, when a softer voice made me look up in surprise. My eyes widened at the image of the specter before me. Had I died, had we all died and was this purgatory or the ninth level of hell? Was I to be punished in death as I had been in life with _her_ ghost?

I rubbed my eyes refusing to bow to this specter ... demon. I whispered mentally and recoiled when she called my name for a second time.

"Eustace" A third time, and then a fourth, a fifth until it threw a smile. Her laughter echoed throughout the silent halls of my home and I flinched rising to my feet, clutching my two canes even tighter as I walked to it. Fleming had since left. I would have a word with him after this was over.

"You never change ... old man" she said imitating my sarcasm.

I extended one hand and she caught it bringing it to her cheek. This was the final proof I needed to find for myself whether the specter was real or I was dreaming again. What happened was a miracle. Her face did not feel cold to my touch. Disbelief, outrage, and fear were my first emotions. Was this God's idea of some sick joke? Had my creator wanted to punish me showing me the one thing that I had loved the most only to returning back to the land of the dead later? No, it did not make sense. God would not be so cruel to his loyal servant ... could he? Many other questions circled my mind but she put made them vanish when her lips neared mine and God be damned, sick joke or not, I melted at her tongue passing mine. My cold flesh became warm and the canes I had been holding fell to the floor.

When the kiss was finally over I stared wide eyed at her again. This was just too beautiful to be true.

* * *

She spoke again, all humor now gone from her voice. "I meant to tell you, I am sorry but these last months away from you, from everything and everyone I loved were torture. When I fell sick the physicians did not think I would live but God I knew, praying day and night even when my fingers were too weak to move, praise Susan she was there to pray for me; He did not abandon me. And after all those weeks where my fate was still being deliberated an old friend, Van der Defelt's secretary came, Dubois I think is his last name. He said I had been pardoned"

Eustace held a hand as he reclined back to his seat with Mary sitting in the chair next to him. She had felt his bones tremble after she let him go and thought it best for him to sit down for the revelation. He was confused, Van der Defelt had barely looked at the letter where he had written down all his sins with Mary. Had he known all along and feigned ignorance?

Mary answered his question lowering her voice, it was as if she could still feel her father's gaze wherever she went. She leaned forward whispering in his ear, he could feel her hot breath another sign that she was with the living. "My father." she said in a crisp tone "I did not believe a word Van der Defelt's secretary said, but when he gave me a letter with my father's royal seal I knew" Her face fell down. There was something else she was not telling him.

"What is it?"

She rose turning opposite from him hugging herself, feeling a cold shiver running down her spine. Eustace saw her tremble, but an attempt to stand up made him flinch and he was forced to wait yet again for a reply.

"Mary?" He asked, his patience waning.

"I did not mean to keep this from you" She reeled back violently sitting back, she was working very hard to hold back the tears that were product of the emotions that she had been keeping hidden since the voyage to her new home began. "I did not want to leave after I read my father's letter. It was not a pardon, not really. He said that all the 'evils' I had done would be forgotten if I only agreed with his conditions to disappear. Nobody would know, he emphasized, what had happened to me. Another woman, my age, my size would be put in my place and since Susan and Elsa had agreed for my sake I had no choice left in the matter. If it meant coming back to you I happily would accept expulsion. I began to plan after I was brought to a ship where I was disguised as a townswoman about how to find you ... but" she sighed and met his eyes "I had no need to. My father did not even send spies or anymore letters. He did not care Eustace, I was gone from England, gone from his life. To everyone I am dead."

When Mary finished one tear rolled down her cheek, before it reached her neck Eustace finger wiped it and holding her face in his hands he brought it closer to his until their lips met again in an affectionate kiss that lasted longer when she returned it hungrily ravaging his mouth.

"I missed you" He said after they broke apart.

"I know" she said. "But I could not leave sooner."

"My father had ordered me to set sail as soon as I was smuggled from the tower with Dubois' help to the first ship leaving England. It was a blessing when I learned the ship was heading to Antwerp, after that it was not so hard coming here" she explained giving a light smile.

"Mary these months here ..." he struggled to say " ... have been more than just torture. I did not know if I would be able to raise our child. I have not slept or eaten anything. She keeps me awake all day and I have to be honest, I can't keep with it any longer"

Mary chuckled. "You are not a terrible parent Eustace, you just lack practice. We were all not born being good parents. It takes time" she grasped his hand "you will make an excellent father to Isabella. She is every bit like you in body as I am sure in spirit too. She is small and like all babies she wants attention. Otherwise why would she wake you up in the middle of the night if not to be held by you?"

"I need your patience" he admitted the purple bags under his eyes now more evident.

"You don't need it, you have it already. I will help you, we will raise our child together" she promised.

She saw now the weakness in this old man's eyes. He was far from the cynic and cold, calculated image of the ambassador that his enemies painted of him to vilify him. Eustace underneath his cold exterior was a man who put his friends, family, and lover above his own interests. Proof of this was that when he could have made many riches in Annency favoring the enemies of his townsfolk and his church, he chose to stay loyal to his friends and beliefs. Many criticized him and thought him a fool but he never regretted every decision he had taken in his life to help a friend in dire need.  
When it came to her mother he had approached the great matter with the same attitudes of loyalty and friendship above his master's -and his own- interests. That had earned him a reprisal from Mary of Hungary and Charles and led to him being recalled back in Antwerp and in the Imperial Court where he was warned -never again- to intervene unless it was to their advantage. He pledged loyalty for a second time to his masters while mentally crossing his fingers as he uttered the words of his promise to them.

Not many would have done what he did for their lovers.

Eustace, she mused, was not like other men and no matter how hard she tried to figure him out, she would always remain a mystery to her and the rest of the world.

They had taken her from him, they had broken her, and yet she still kept a small part of her strength alive. He warned her that they would never be man and wife. He had taken holy orders something he regretted now for their child and any more children, if they decided to have more, would always be seen as bastards. It stung Mary that she had condemned their offspring to be bastards. It was a high price to pay for their love. Walking to Isabella's room where Fleming had been called to help Eustace climb the stairs, she reckoned that it was a price she would pay for a million times. Bastard or not, Isabella was a blessing not a sin.

Eustace's eyes greet her through their daughter's blue orbs that were like two giants turquoises, peering curiously at the stranger before her. It took the child a long while before she gave her mother smile and recognize her voice as the same melody that had sang to her after she had been born, and whose voice had give her the name of her grandmother, the only link Mary now had with her mother's family.

"She likes you" Eustace did not need to say it as Mary rocked the little child giving it various kisses that earned her more smiles and giggles.

"God she is exactly like you" she said in awe locking her eyes with her daughter's. Come what may ... it was a phrase that no longer caused her to worry. She was dead to the world, she had lost and given up everything her mother and Eustace had fought so long for. As Mary Tudor she had lived a life of misery, met betrayal and lived in sin. For she had stopped thinking of Philip as her husband after she had lain with Eustace. She could find many reasons that could excuse her from adultery, but she chose not to think of the past any longer. Mary Tudor was dead, that was a fact. Putting the baby down and looking at Eustace's questioning eyes, she gave in response a grin. They could now start a bright new day.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers once more the more you review the faster this story gets updated, and we are nearing its end so I want to conclude this story by having as much reviews as I can!**

**To Diane Prince: To answer your review, I love your reviews girl btw. I am glad the chapter did not make you anymore sad and that you liked it, that is what I want my reviewers to feel, the emotions running high but also that they like the story and each chapter that is very important for the development of this story. And as you saw Eustace did work hard dealing with Mary's death, but now that they are together again we must not sing victory YET. Their union will not come without its obstacles. Mary's freedom after all came at a price. As for revenge ... lets just say there are surprises stored for their descendants and their enemies' at the end.**

**Queen Mary I of England: I love your extensive reviews and your vast amount of history girl! I really do and appreciate you like this story. I am always attentive to how I portray the characters, to some they might not appear romantic figures or as memorable characters as often characters written with the style I mentioned are remembered. I did not want to create characters whom could be put in a pedestal but rather make them more human, or as you put it "flawed" while also writing their attributes and successes, and their vices.**

**To everyone else I appreciate your reviews, long reviews do not bother me, quite the contrary. **

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***You see Mary mention the confiscation of English and Flemish goods by Spain and England respectively. Is this true? Yes it is. In fact by January 5th it had become so ridiculous that the English were still detaining Flemish ships and had not given back the herrings and all the goods they had confiscated at the beginning of the war, that the Emperor did the same with English ships. Eustace and Van der Defelt though mentioned very briefly, were a rebellious bunch going against the Emperor's orders to bring relief to Flanders and to the European economy, that they met with the Privy Council and reached an agreement. Charles V did not agree but he was left with no choice as it was better than nothing. **

***Dubois is an actual character, I was asked this by an author through a PM. He was Van der Defelt's secretary and he did much of his work. He was I have to say his master's equal and a very good spy of his, and cunning man as well.**

**Two more chapters!  
**

**You know now the drill. R/R!**

**~VXLP  
**


	54. On the edge of a golden world

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
**

**A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers, everyone who has followed this story, there will be another two chapters and then an epilogue so be sure to review the end is near!**

**The title for my chapter was taken by the story of ReganX my first reviewer to the first story I posted on site "Treason by Parentage"; On the edge of a golden world her first story as well on site. I highly recommend that story as you can see other favorites of mine that are also well written with elaborate plots on my home page.  
**

**~VXLP

* * *

**

"_Do you ever feel like a plastic bag  
drifting through the wind  
wanting to start again?_

_Do you ever feel you're so paper thin like a house of cards  
on the blow from caving them in?  
__  
Do you ever feel already buried deep_  
_Six feet under scream_  
_But no one seems to hear a thing_  
_Do you know that there's still a chance for you_  
_Cause there's a spark in you_  
_You just have to ignite the light  
and let it shine!  
Just own the night like the fourth of July!_

_Come on baby you are a firework!  
Come to show them what you are worth!  
Make them go oh, oh, oh!  
As you shoot across the sky!  
Baby you are a firework!_

_Come on let your colors burst!  
Make them go oh, oh, oh!_

_You're gonna leave 'em falling down, down, down!  
You don't have to feel like a waste of space  
you are original, you can't be replaced  
if you only know what the future holds  
after a hurricanes comes a rainbow_

_Maybe the reason all doors are closed  
so you can open one that leads you to the perfect world!  
__  
Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed_  
_So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road_

_Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow_  
_And when it's time, you'll know_

_You just gotta ignite the light_  
_And let it shine_  
_Just own the night_  
_Like the Fourth of July_

_Cause baby you're a firework_  
_Come on show 'em what your worth_  
_Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"_  
_As you shoot across the sky_

_Baby you're a firework_  
_Come on let your colors burst_  
_Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"_  
_You're gonna leave 'em falling down-own-own_

_Boom, boom, boom!  
__Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon_  
_It's always been inside of you, you, you_  
_And now it's time to let it through_

_Cause baby you're a firework_  
_Come on show 'em what your worth_  
_Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"_  
_As you shoot across the sky-y-y_

_Baby you're a firework_  
_Come on let your colors burst_  
_Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"_  
_You're gonna leave 'em going "Oh, oh, oh!"_

_Boom, boom, boom_  
_Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon_  
_Boom, boom, boom_  
_Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon"_

**Katy Perry**_** -"Firework"**_

**~o~**

**1545, December 24th**

**Westminster:  
**

Henry looked at all members of Parliament. Van der Defelt was barely given a second glance. He'd suffered enough headaches dealing with his predecessor; that, by no means he wished to revive his old quarrels about the imports that his master had confiscated –as retribution for what he had done to French and Flemish vessels detain at the port of Dover- with this new Imperial Ambassador.

Francois was a man of a very few words, but when he had something relevant to say he did not waste any time to say it. He made mental notes of everything that went around Court just as his predecessor had told him to. The King had become so ill after the death of his eldest daughter in the tower, that concerns about whether or not he would lead the celebrations along with his wife, Queen Katherine Howard, arose. Never withstanding nor caring for public opinion, the King rose as he did on previous years on the morning of Christmas eve and with his Queen and the rest of the Royal family sitting in the high table, raised his golden cup, soon others followed, to offer a toast and give thanks to God for keeping him alive so many years and his Kingdom safe from any foreign or domestic threat, at this last one his tone increased and turned rougher.

On this very same day Francois watched the King leave the celebrations that were being held on his palace, and invited all his magnates and members of parliament for what would be his last address to them in the greatest chambers of his palace -where celebrations were still taking place regardless of his absence. He left Katherine Howard in charge of the expensive feast, something she did not mind given that she had turned from loving queen, wife, surrogate mother to Mary's children, to, as she was viewed now, loving nurse constantly tending to His Majesty's wounds, mainly the ulcer in his leg that had robbed him of his good health and his good looks that characterized him in his first years of his reign.

Gone was the young and virile Prince that had charmed many women in and out of his reign's domains. He was now a man close to becoming obese, disgusting to the human eye and his aching and for those who had been witnesses to his flesh's decay (because of the ulcer in his leg) were so moved that they forgot Henry VIII many excesses and his despotism, and found themselves pitying him. Not Francois however. They, Francois and his secretary –Dubois, had seen their fair share of madness during their short time here in England. Dubois, an able man whose charm enabled him to get information from the women of the most powerful men that belonged to the King's circle; got to see the reality and not the fantasies that Henry sold out to his people.

Unlike his predecessor he was colder and more careful, some people said too careful, to fall in love for any of the wenches and Royal whores in Court. He was a Fleming and like his comrades he was not without impure thoughts, but he was easier to be controlled thanks to concerns about his person and the people around him, and first and foremost it was the loyalty he owed to Charles who was responsible for Van der Defelt's wealth and Dubois' salary.

So as not to appear too weary, the ailing King walked without any aid this time from his servants, holding the cane with such strength that the sweat dripping from his fingers fell on the floor.

Henry looked to the members surrounding the large chambers. There was not even an echo being formed, they all waited in silence for their monarch to speak. Nobody had absented from this meetings, they had all been told of the King's health and they were wary about what he had to say to them.

With unusual humility, the gruff and over-imposing tone in his voice gone, he began softly by thanking the Speaker of Parliament for his lengthy speech where he reminded the King and the members of Parliament of the greatest qualities he possessed and his duty as sovereign and what they, as his subjects, owed him for what he had done to make this nation better.

He shook his hand which afterwards the Speaker moved back to his seat never once touching another man with his hand, at the thought that the effect of such moment where the King had regarded him as his equal could be erased by a man of lower stature.

"I have endeavored myself to obtain in these long years of suffering to make this nation a god fearing nation and one others who have not yet heard the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, fear our nation, for ours is one composed of people who make this nation great. As your King, I have spent my entire life to obtain such excellent qualities and the necessary virtues that I consider as a Prince and as a governor I ought to have, of which gifts the Speaker has just recognized himself barren but I must say that I am too barren. For no one can be as perfect as the highest Lord in heaven, God. But for such small qualities as God has endowed me with however, I render to His goodness my most humble thanks" All the members raised their hands and thundering applause echoed the chamber. Henry cleared his throat and soon the applause died down letting His Majesty carry on with his farewell and self-praise where he complained unto them that much as they had done to spread the true gospel of God, His word as a consequence of their religious crusade had been disputed more than when the ancient and corrupt laws had reigned on England, for this he urged every one of his subjects -the rougher voice of the lion returning making Van der Defelt more attentive to what the King had to say next- to stay true to God's chosen ones' consciences and put their own needs –for theirs- aside.  
"Be in God, which I, as your sovereign lord, exhort and require you; and then I doubt not but that love and league shall never be dissolved nor broken between us. For we have taken on Abraham's covenant and created a new one devoid of any black stain and foreign threat"

His speech ended, the members stared wide eyed, too struck by the emotion in the King's last words. Even those who had very little contact with the King or were newly appointed could not help but feel overwhelmed by the commitment found in His Majesty's voice, the way his eyes fell on every member searching for their souls, hoping to find loyalty and faith for their ailing monarch. For the very first time they felt their hearts open and their eyes ever more so for admiration at this man who had done the impossible to strengthen the laws to bring an end to the anarchy and create new regulations that had brought better control of the taxation offices and other services now dependent on the King.

Shortly after the meeting was adjourned and the clamors that followed died down, the King returned to the celebrations having night fallen to their realm, where he sat next to his beautiful and merry queen, Katherine Howard.

* * *

**_1546_, New Year**

The following year, Henry in his New Year's celebration changed the tone of his celebration for a more austere one. There was a bad omen in the air, his death was near he could feel it, even the Queen could tell for her husband rarely came to bed anymore.

Elizabeth not wanting her father to become sadder by his poor condition and the losses he had suffered, people and such; presented him with a gift that was signed by the author of the book herself with a dedication to her King and a thank you note for allowing her all these years to be the tutor of his grandson -the Duke of Richmond. Henry's eyes scanned the book, he read through several pages finding the text to his liking and then passed it to his Queen. He expressed deep gratitude to his (now) only daughter Elizabeth for such a marvelous gift and invited her to seat next to him, something that earned him a proud smile. His daughter though young was very private, she kept everything to herself and it was always hard to know what she was thinking, but for today knowing that she had at last returned to his good graces, she let part of her feelings be shown.

Seated next to the Queen were not only Elizabeth, but Henry and Philip and their governess who had exchanged words with His Majesty expressing how she could not have written such work without having a devout and pious monarch like him to act as her inspiration. She compared him to Moses quoting several verses from the bible, going as far as equating his crusade to that of the prophet when he brought his people from the bondage suffered at the hands of the Pharaoh, the Pharaoh Henry was fighting being the Pope.  
Henry looked up to his governess in admiration. She knew how and when to speak and Henry wished he could some day have her wisdom.

* * *

"_I may not be a lion, but I am the lion's cub and I have a lion's heart"_

**~Elizabeth _(played by the talented Glenda Jackson)_ in ****Elizabeth R**

* * *

_**1549,**_** July 4th**

**Hampton Court:**

Notwithstanding the gossip that surrounded Kitty Howard, Henry had always been there like a gentle Moses to guide her through the roughest moments in their marriage, and of her life. She had understood from the moment she had lost her Prince that she would never be blessed again with the gift of motherhood. Before her loss she had never yearned motherhood, if anything she had dreaded it and thought of it only as curse. Many things changed after her forced miscarriage. With Mary arrested and her possibilities of bringing another heir to the English crown destroyed she had turned all her affections toward Mary's sons.

They were the last link she had with the old wench and her ultimate chance at revenge at Mary, yet she found all her energies wasted when she had held Henry's favorite grandson, his namesake, in her arms. All her desire for revenge had been gone from her mind and replaced for tender loving sweetness that the boy brought out from his step grandmother.

She devoted herself afterwards to the boys' education, including Philip's.

By choosing love she had relinquished all others. Kitty cared very little for grudges now as she had cared for politics in the past.

When her uncle asked her if it was wise to take the "bastard Duchess" spawn under her wing, she replied "I have not failed our family's ambitions nor England's uncle. I have just found two new ways that our family can prevail" While she had never been the smartest of her bunch, her uncle had to admit that in these last years following her husband's death she had matured immensely.

She was no longer the little hopping around court with her mindless ladies in waiting following her around leaving a trail of broken heart from the most handsome young men at Court. She had dismissed all her ladies and substituted them with more mature and loyal ones. Among them had been her surrogate sons' governess, the ever faithful, Lady Seymour nee Parr. Widowed two times, third time was the charm. She had married the man of her dreams and though their marriage was anything but merry as she had expected at first, she had stuck together with Baron Sudely though the good and the bad for the sake of their only child, Mary Seymour.

The youngest of the Seymour girls, had grown very attached (emotionally) to her mother's former student, Henry. Kitty had allowed Katherine to bring Mary along for her visits at Hampton Court where Edward had been kind enough to give Henry his old rooms when he had been Prince of Wales.

Philip had not been so lucky.

A simple Marques though becoming Duke shortly after his father's death the past year, he was not regarded with as much respect in his uncle's Court as was his younger brother Henry.

* * *

_**England,**_** London**

_**1553,**_** June 6****th**

**Whitehall Palace:**

_Tis not fair,_ Philip thought looking away from his brother, sickened by the amount of attention he was receiving from the ladies in his uncle's Court. They were no better than the women in his grandfather's seeking only his bed because of the amount of money and lands he had received from him and now their uncle if rumor was true –that he indeed plan to make Henry his successor jumping Philip, violating thus his father's will.

Philip was not going to allow that, and he had Bishop Gardiner and half of his Bavarian men at his disposal should Edward sign such folly! The people of England besides would never accept it! They were tired of Edward's poor reforms. He was a terrible King, he had succeeded in implanting new religious reforms to make life easy for his Protestant friends and the members of the higher circles but the people who had benefited from the hospitals and the monasteries that Edward kept closing down, had been left worse off than when England had been Catholic.

With no charity and no house to tend to the sick and wounded, mortality rates in the lower classes had risen and the economy was not all that good either. Inflation had risen and as a result prices had gone up. No country other than the Protestant duchies and counties in the Lower Countries and in the German states, his included, wanted to trade with England.

People were rebelling in the streets, demanding more food and money. The English cared very little now for God and his word. The people needed food, jobs, and security.

Edward had done very little improve his people's lives. His first administrators had been terrible. First there was the Baron and youngest Seymour, Thomas who had stirred a movement against his own nephew and kinsman and brother, Edward Seymour then Lord Protector and newly invested Duke of Somerset. He was the first Seymour to fall under the axe, then very quickly because of Edward's poor management and his failure to regulate coinage and with the Regent Mary of Hapsburg threatening to invade England, many days of uncertainty followed after Commander Sepperus' fleet under the orders of the Emperor and the "Regent" had been less than five miles away from the British Isles. Edward was left with no choice but to issue an arrest warrant for his uncle and soon Edward did what his younger brother had done years before and led another rebellion that was soon squashed by the newly Duke of Northumbeland and Earl of Warwick, John Dudley –the King's favorite at this point.

His head rolled in the same spot where his brother had and so many others Edward's mad father had condemned to death years before.

Nobody shed a tear for Edward Seymour save for those in his immediate family.

Baroness Sudely had been left the richest widow shortly after her husband's death inheriting by a decree of the King and supported by her former ward, his brother, Henry, ALL of her late husband's properties including Wolf Hall that was supposed to pass on to the eldest Seymour's heirs. Because she had always been kept close to the Queen and to the young boy King's side she had been spared from his Regent, Dudley's wrath.

Philip looked around. Something was not right, something was amiss. The guards left the podium where the new Regent and Lord Protector had been sitting a few moments ago before he left to tend to their ailing King, his uncle. Where they'd gone? Philip had a good idea and God, he hoped, he was wrong. He summoned his chamberlain and his servants and ordered Augustus his most trusted, to ready his carriage and order the rest to pack all their belongings and head for his old residence in Hunsdson where they would take refuge and wait until whatever it was Dudley and his uncle were planning, were unveiled.

* * *

**(Henry POV)**

I left before my brother could summon me, or order me as he fashioned himself the next King to be of this realm, back to Hunsdson, our old parents' residency. Though only two years apart we were well aware of the divisions of this Country brought about by our uncle's disastrous economic policies. I hurried off excusing myself first from the young ladies surrounding me, to my quarters were I found my Aunt ready with her servants having been told of our early departure to Hatfield in Hertfordshire where despite being fairly close to London, it was well guarded by the German mercenaries that my father had hired shortly before his death, three years ago to keep us safe.

The mercenaries were not to be trusted. They could betray us at any moment but for now they were all we had to rely on given the political climate of this Kingdom. Auntie advised me not to speak to anyone of our early departure and I nodded. I had no intention of delaying our leave anymore, but I found next in the carriage waiting for us outside Lady Seymour whom I guessed given how close she held her coat against her chest in the dead of night, that she had been there for hours. I did not expect her to be here so soon. Last I heard she was placed with the Dowager Duchess of Suffolk, the embittered old Catherine Willoughby who had shown disdain for the younger girl the moment she had been placed in her service. Seeing the poor care she was given under Lady Willoughby my Aunt needed little convincing when me and Philip, together for the very first time, spoke of the mistreatment she was having simply because her parents had been of different religious inclinations than the former.

She had come to live with us and ever since she had never looked back to the past. Forgiven, she told me when I asked her if she would ever forgive those who had done her and her family many wrongs, but not forgotten she emphasized. Already ahead of her years, wise as an owl like Aunt Bessie and sly and cunning like a fox she and I got along very well in our new home.

She greeted me with a small bow. I knew what she meant by this. I could very well be the next King of England if rumors proved to be true that Edward wanted to skip my brother in my favor. But even I knew that Edward was not that stupid to do such folly and violate his father's last will and testament. There had to be other way for him to get across without violating Henry VIII last will, and he, Henry as he shared his stories of what went on in Court with his Aunt and their ward, Lady Mary Seymour, feared that Dudley had found a way. It explained for the sudden change in Hampton Court when all the members from the Privy Council and their guard left the great hall to stand next by their ailing King's bedside with Dudley leading them.

On the other hand, how many times had they had the same false alarm that their King would not last another month? He had been dying for the past year and a half and so far the physicians' remedied, ridiculous and rudimentary as they may seem had done the impossible to keep my uncle amongst the living.

It's not that I had no empathy for my uncle's suffering, God knows that I more than anyone else, expressed my deepest sympathies and wished him best. But my uncle was a young and frail young man ever since he had been Duke of Cornwall, never formally invested Prince of Wales as other Princes before him had before assuming the throne. He hardly knew what he wanted, he let all the big decisions in government be taken by either members of Parliament or his trusted adviser and Lord Protector, John Dudley the Duke of Northumbeland something many in Court thought had been the King's worst mistake. It was one day that his father had made him a Count in his last years, but a Duke and invested as Lord Protector and Regent? It was just too much.

He was not however as sober or as fickle as a man as had been the previous Lord Protector, Edward Seymour. He held several dinner parties and reunions amongst friends and families in his private states on the north of England where there was still remnants of the rebels that had organized more than ten years ago, the Pilgrimage of Grace, a movement that had been disastrous since the start and ended in such with the disembowelment and decapitation of many of its leaders and members, my grandfather making no distinction between any of the traitors. He was though extremely presumptions and full of himself. He believed he could achieve anything with means and money at his disposal that the King had given him.

That would be his ultimate undoing.

* * *

After arriving to Hatfield and waiting for days for any news regarding my uncle's health, a Royal messenger who was also our spy finally brought us the terrible news. My Aunt held her stoic pose, unflinching, unmovable, and with no decipherable expression on her face after learning of her brother's death. I on the other hand cleared my throat, as demanded to the royal messenger to tell us more.

I'd been waiting for these news for months, now that it was here I was not sure what would be my next step. I was only eleven yet people were relying on me to bring order from the chaos that had been created.  
I was not sure if I would succeed where my grandfather, uncle, and so many others from the Lancaster branch had failed. I did not want to be reminded as another Henry VI or become a tyrant and be seen like an usurper like with Richard III. I wanted to be my own person, forge my own path without the help of anyone save for me and God, but even I knew that Kings were not made of clay and that they don't last on the throne if they did not surround themselves with the right people -able, loyal, and willing to die for their King. Do anything that was demanded of them even if it meant forsaking their souls to hell to keep their King and Country safe.

Following the messenger's departure I heard my Aunts' silently crying in her bedchamber opposite mine. I was waiting for dawn to come to feel good again. The innocent traitor had to be deposed or killed, I would make sure that no harm would befall on the Lady Jane Grey but should she and her family cross me and my brother she would pay dearly, Philip would make sure of that.

* * *

And that he did following his ascension to the throne. He took back what was rightfully his and Cranmer finding himself with very little choice but to acknowledge Philip as England's rightful heir, placed the crown on top of his forehead followed by his fingers dipped in the holy ointments making the sign of the cross on his forehead. His trek was finally complete, everything had come full circle. He was Philip Tudor-Wittelsbach, Duke of Bavaria, Count Palatine, and most important he was King Philip I of England, France and Lord of Ireland. Now no one would dispute his power anymore.

His brother had come to join him prior to his coronation bringing with him their Aunt, Lady Elizabeth and his former playmate and companion Lady Mary Seymour followed by a long train of maids and servants that included Elizabeth's ladies in waiting.

His brother had received him with open arms and showed himself jovially as he told Henry that of his upcoming coronation. Both brothers rode through Flete Street, passing London bridge until they reached Westminster Abbey where Philip calling on all his subjects to rejoice as he, summoned his servant to bring forth a bible where he, placing his hands on top of it, swore that he would work for improving the lives of all his subjects.

"You are all my prisoners" he said jokingly and they all laughed, including Cranmer who hid behind a mask of feign complacency congratulating the King after he had placed the crown on his head. Smiling while being held once again in his brother's arms following the conclusion of the great feast held in his honor at Whitehall, he went straight to bed to his new chambers that Philip had replaced with greater and more lavished ones.

It was a tactful move Philip had done showing kindness he had not when they had been children to his younger brother. He knew that Henry while having been out-protestant by Jane Grey and the Northumbeland faction was seen as the figurehead for many Protestants who called for a more moderate, less radical than Cranmer's, approach to the new faith without having to eliminate the old religious practices and traditions that had existed in England for over more than four hundred years. They saw their savior in Henry, Philip they feared was not to be trusted given he had been to quiet about his political affiliations and to add to their concerns, they also feared he could be another dullard like his uncle, easy to manipulate.

**~o~**

**1555,**

**Richmond:  
**

After the surprising union between Lady Jane Grey the former usurper and dubbed "innocent traitor" by more staunchly protestants who had quietly stood by while her family put the crown on top of her head; and Philip; Henry left for Richmond tending to his own states finding life there more peaceful, away from the insanity of Court and the circus his brother had started with his wedding to the eldest Grey sister.

It had been a decision that he suspected his brother had not given much thought into. Just two years after he had been crowned there was discontent among the people that Philip was not keeping his promises to improving the life of ALL his subjects. The Wyatt rebellion had weakened his position. He had not gone to reassure his armies to convince them that his cause was the rightful cause. The armies having no other choice but to carry on his orders had rode into the fields to meet Wyatt's army of rebels where victory had ensued but at the cost of many lives and those who had survived Philip did not blink twice when he was presented with letters to sign for their execution. Some where hanged, others disemboweled, and the more fortunate ones were offered a way out of their suffering by giving the names of other conspirators.

Philip wanted to make sure the Country was cleansed of all traitors, he meant Catholics and Protestants alike. Henry asked him if it was wise, to remain neutral for so long, to which Philip replied _"You have read the Prince and other nasty books and I fear you have become too influenced by them. Henry, countries are forged through force and a firm hand. I care very little for religion, men can do whatever the hell they want, so as long as I have their obedience or else they shall be judged in the same fashion as Wyatt's followers"_

Not so intelligent, he thought as he remembered more of their past conversations. Although we had never shared a deep bond, I feared that the decisions he was taking were not in the best interest for the monarchy or the people for that matter. Now there were news that the Queen might be pregnant and I scowled as that leaves me with little incentive to fight for a throne that I might as well have lost already to Philip's son.

**~o~**

**1557, January 1st.**

**Hampton Court:  
**

Henry was wearing a gold medal that Philip had send him as a New Year's gift. Henry saw it more as a peace offering from his new wife; when he was received by his brother in his private study. Hampton had changed very little. His brother had moved all the attention back to this castle instead of Nonsuch where he and his Aunt considered it a greater palace than this.

* * *

Moving quickly the physician took a step back to allow the midwife some space to do what she knew best. She placed her warm and aged hands on both her flat stomach. The midwife confirmed that she was pregnant and that they could expect their firstborn by early November. Dr. Butts, his grandfather's physician told the news to a beaming Philip who announced it the following day to the entire Kingdom.

To, not their great surprise, Philip's subjects did not cheer as loud as they had done when he had arrived triumphantly with his brother and Aunt to defend his right to the crown of England. The infant whom they had always pitied, the young man whom they regarded as cool, level headed, and extremely caring like his mother once had been was no longer England's favorite. Philip expected to be embraced as a hero, the savior of England, instead he had been cast away into the cold, amassing a thundering crowd of enemies.

_"You have gone too far"_ Even the former Lady Jane Grey, now Queen of England having gained more common sense in her short time as Philip's wife, advised him against imposing his will against the more powerful of his nobles, many who were of the true faith she emphasized. Philip had screamed at Jane showing her true colors as he swung his arms tiredly into the air, desperate to have some approval even if from his wife. Any at this moment would be better than nothing. He felt hollow when she remarked how his expectations had been crushed on his own account and by his indecisive behavior. _"You trust too much in your Aunt"_

_"Funny when I remember it was you who spoke in her favor when I was about to sign for her address warrant" _He'd pointed out. His Aunt who had married since last year the Earl of Leicester, Robert Dudley (of whom he was reminded painfully each time they exchanged glances. Because his power growing increasingly because of the King's brother, Philip had no choice but to follow Wriothesley's advice and create the eldest Dudley whose father he had executed and took hold of his titles and lands, an Earl earning him fertile lands that made the newly created Count the envy of all his nobles). Elizabeth inherited her mother's savvy and cunning character, as unfortunately she had her neurotic behavior and having passed this to his brother; started to have with her husband secret reunions where Philip suspected he was the main subject. They meant to depose and replace him with Henry, the beloved new golden boy and the people's favorite.

He was not going to let that happen first he and his son, God unwilling be, dead than to pass his throne unto Henry! He swore to his wife after she started nagging him again how he was being too soft and too naive in the matter of Henry and winning his people back.

* * *

**October 1558,**

Jane Grey entered her husband's study where he was looking through his various papers. Things had gone so bad in their life. With the death of their daughter so suddenly when she had been just a month old, and this very same month Jane had suffered a miscarriage. It was too much for Philip. The people no longer loved him, his wife, he suspected, was conspiring against him. They had all turned against their initially _beloved_ monarch.

Life was not fair. Jane offered him little comfort when she told him they could try again, but Philip knew that she was past childbearing. She had bled too much and his personal physician doubted she would be able to hold another child in her womb again, even Jane could not dismiss the physician's knowledge, having trusted Dr. Butts with more than just religious matter, but her life.

"It will be fIne" she promised. She swung her arms around Philip not realizing it was a sin anymore, to substitute the image of Philip for the man she truly had wanted to be with -Guilford.

Poor ill-fated Guilford Dudley, he had died at the scaffold after, being the indolent fool he had been for his entire life, was convinced by his father, the Duke of Northumbeland to lead a rebellion in their name fighting for the true religion. Philip's armies had crushed them as they had previously with the Wyatt rebellion in the North.

It had been a sad end for the sad lover and the platonic love she had never known carnally. How she had lusted to be in his arms after Philip had freed her from the tower. Their marriage had been short and they had not enough time to consummate their marriage that would produce an offspring that would have alienated Philip and all his brood, along with the Lady Elizabeth (now Countess of Leicester) altogether and a son who would have carried on with their dreams of making England a true and faithful protestant nation. At the time she had been blind like Guilford to see all the efforts her parents had done to make sure England stayed faithful under one nation and God, she had been too young and too rebellious as she had always been.  
She thought that her freedom had signified that Philip had a change of mind and that he would return England to the faithful, but alas she had been the young and naive silly little girl her mother always said she was.

Now England was in worse state than it had been, even when Henry VIII had been King it had not been so. The Country was in the verge of an economic depression and Philip was more worried with keeping everybody in all religions happy and seeing spies everywhere including her.

Philip shook his head sadly throwing her arms off and moving to the window were the skies were blacker, and there were no stars to greet him.

"Philip" She tried again walking to him. He thought that the loss of their daughter did not hurt her, but it did. And though she wanted to try again, they both knew that she might never get pregnant again, nonetheless she reminded him of God's will, something that always earned her a reprisal from Philip. He was godless and hollow. It was sad, he would burn in hell for never having known God nor opening his heart to him.

"You must not let Henry get in the way of your dreams" She said and she wondered why she even bothered? Philip did not want her council, he didn't want anyone telling him what to do. Yet, small part of her felt pity for this godless being who was still scarred by the loss of his mother. "I know you hate me repeating His name, but if you only opened your heart for him you would see all the great thing there is in life. We lost two children, but they are happy, they are with God now and we must not be saddened by our loss, they were too pure to live in this world were malice and evil reigns, God had a special plan for them in heaven. He needed His angels"

Philip scoffed at that and turned violently to face her again, his dark blue eyes holding more frost than warmth, looking at her with such intensity that it made Jane flinch.

"Couldn't he just make an angel?" he questioned. When Jane did not answer he continued, laughing mockingly at her. "I mean" he smirked "he is God, couldn't he just make another angel?" And then he left their quarters finding refuge somewhere else.

Jane stood there alone for the night in their bedroom. She closed her eyes and sighed. She had heard Henry coming to the parlor outside their bedchamber, to greet her husband having been summoned by him hours ago. He was late as usual and his excuses no longer amused her husband. They ended the conversation in deep disagreement as they'd always done, but not before Philip warning Henry.

"When you have this ring and our father's on your finger then you will know I am dead, and you will be King and Duke of two powerful nations. But never forget that as long as I breath, my axe hangs close to your neckline"

* * *

**Whitehall**

**November 19th 1558**

After riding from Westminster where Henry had been crowned, he arrived at Whitehall.

People where cheering in the streets. "The death of the tyrant" "The death of the tyrant!" "Long live pious and righteous, oh our merry lord Henry!" "The tyrant is dead, long live Henry IX" To continue on where his grandfather and uncle left off with their reformation -the people continued to chant holding white flags with a red cross in the center symbolizing England's shield and pledge that they were all now a nation under one God and the true religion would restore all the right wrongs their Godless King had done.

When Henry looked out in his balcony, waving to all his subjects gathered in the streets hoping to catch a glimpse of their merry King, a great turn of events from his embittered and godless brother; the sixteen year old sovereign made something that stunned the crowds and his nobles (including his Aunt).

He hung his head low and bowed solemnly before his people. There was a long silence. Their King lifted his cold and clear blue eyes to meet theirs. "My good Christian people" He shouted. "I have come before you not with empty promises or oaths that God and I know I will never keep" He smirked, a handful of light laughter from his noble peers filled the silence.

"God has chosen me to be your ruler and in all His wisdom we must rejoice for I will be a just ruler. England will be a nation that will be feared as it will be loved. There will be no distinction between the pious and the gentiles. We are all God's creatures and we all worship God, however we must have caution for there are those who seek to destroy our covenant with the Almighty. To those I say this" He held his breath looking at his Aunt who nodded feeling very proud of her pupil. He diverted his gaze to Mary Seymour who threw him a smile making this day feel like a merry Sunday. She had the grace and beauty of her mother with the darkness in her hair she had inherited from her father.

He focused again to the crowds "Let no man break what God has joined, for being a King I am not only your ruler and sovereign. I am also married to you, to England and I will never cheat behind her back, other leaders might come trying to break our union, creating suspicion but I will stay strong for I was build tough. Bavarian by my father, but English in birth and spirit I have the heart of the lion for I am the lion's cub!"

The crowds threw their arms cheering for their new King singing and dancing as they watched Henry, recently crowned and anointed Henry IX, take leave with his leave with the Lady Seymour by his side returning the wink he'd just given her.

* * *

**Louvian**

**_1559,_ December 29th**

**Chapuys residence:**

Mary had just heard the news. She was the proud grandmother of one set of healthy twin girls. She could not hide her excitement when she told her partner this. Eustace smiled back as his wife gave him the news, but she could tell for all the years they had been together that it was troubling him. They had not been married, they need not to be. Their union and the children were not a sin before their eyes and God's, and the latter's judgment was all that Mary cared, whose judgment usually mirrored hers.

He responded in a light tone "God has blessed England with two beautiful Princesses, his joy as yours is mine" he reassured her however she was not convinced. There were many things troubling Eustace, the mere fact that his son, his son! of all people had ascended to a throne that did not belong to him was to name a few, one of his greatest concerns. Why should God favor a bastard in the succession and with a pair of healthy babies, even if they be girls, over the rightful heir? Yes, Philip had been a tyrant for he had been godless and like his grandfather did not flinch when he signed the death warrants or forced parliament to issue attainder for many of the suspected traitors taking their right to stand trial and face their accusers. Nonetheless, Philip with all his faults had been the rightful heir and the rightful King. God should not have called his daughter to heaven too quickly. Henry though it was whispered was quick as a fox, had greater cunning than all his male ancestors put together and the wisdom of an owl being ahead of his peers, and he didn't doubt the rumors that England was rejoicing under his rule with the concubine's daughter and her husband as his shadows acting as his main advisers, was not a true King.

Eustace's way of seeing things were often told by Mary, or Maria as she was known in the Low Countries and their servants, were too simple. To which he responded that as a cynic he tended to viewed people and things not as they should be, but as how they were. He was a realist, not a poet, not a troubador, he had his feet set on the ground and that was what kept him and his family alive for all these years.

"You do not sound so convinced" She replied looking away passing her fingers through her dark auburn curls. Why was she not surprised that Eustace would refute these joyful news with his cynicism? Could he not be happy for once that the product of their love was making England blossom into the nation they always dreamed of?

Eustace replied that they dreamed for a true Catholic nation returned to the true worship not THAT.

"Eustace" she pleaded with him "this is our son, you can't be calling our son a heretic. Besides, England is now a power to reckon and in just a short period of time thanks to him!"

"Yes Mary but at what cost?" He sat up, his back propped against the pillow he brought to bring him comfort from the aching pains he was suffering. These days he could barely get up save with the help of Fleming and other servants. It was a sad sight and he often grumbled when he reminisced about his past glories. How he yearned to be the young man he had once been, or have the same vitality he had when he and Mary first met.  
"He will always have the council of men like Cecil, Walsingham, Leicester and your sister will see that he works in the interests that are best for the heretics. How many souls will not be burned after they die because of what he is doing?"

Henry, instead of bringing a protestant reformation like Cranmer and others had advocated for many years ago since his grandfather, Henry VIII; promised a different approach to protestantism. Instead of creating discern amongst his citizens by closing more monasteries and taking rights from his Catholic nobles and peasants (who brought a lot of wealth to his treasury being that the towns and the King depended on the crops they worked for their lords), he tried creating a harmony by mixing the two religions and reforming the Anglican church but without creating so much change that would anger both factions. It caused a schism among the more fanatical heretics, but it was something every member of Parliament was willing to overlook as long as Henry exercised his power as Head of the Church of England to demand obedience from his subjects and enforce taxation on the more rebellious ones.

Overall, the only thing that Eustace was proud from his "son" and the English monarch was that he was doing something that was unprecedented by any monarch. He was holding elections for new members of parliament, and though it was only for the "Commons" it was something new for no other ruler had extended the vote to the peasantry. Eustace was an apologist whom like his old friend Moore and Erasmus preferred the rule of Senate over the people than that of an absolute monarch. Henry was and always would be an absolute monarch but the fact he had extended the vote and was holding more elections, made his reign appear more democratic.

In that he could not contest his wife that their son was bringing great changes for himself and his people, but for all the rest he could not agree with her.

"If I remember correctly it was you who told me live today, fight tomorrow when you convinced me to sign the oath" she pointed out kissing his cheek.

He rolled his eyes, he could not believe she still brought that up every time they had a disagreement! Was she never going to let it go?

Mary's laughter reached a higher pitch as she played with his earlobe kissing it, stirring desire from his loins. She always managed to make him forget his pain with just one glance and in this case, the lightest of touch.

"Mary" he said in a husky voice feeling his lower member hungry for desire.

"What? If you admit I am right and that our son has created a greater England than I could have ever dreamed of I will let you be" She teased and he gripped the sheets feeling himself too anxious. She threw him off guard. He was forced to lie down not able to hold his desire by his throbbing member any longer. She rode on top of him opening his hose. Her lips began to suck and he could not hold it, he spilled all his seed into her.

"Do you consent?" She asked playfully after she was done. Eustace not remembering what the conversation was, did nothing but nod kissing her lips passionately introducing his tongue inside of her. They were lucky that Montoya had taken the children, Isabella and Christoph (who was two years younger than Bella) to town to run some errands.

Their children hardly disturbed them, but they were a curious bunch, especially Christoph. The boy had recently turned twelve but he was of an intellect that gained him high notoriety by the people, among them old diplomats and friends of Eustace, who had come to visit him bringing their families along to dine with his.

After they were done with their lovemaking, Mary asked on whether he still planned to send Christoph away for his studies.

Eustace gave her a brief smile before hugging the covers tightly unto their chests. He didn't want their offspring barging in and seeing their parents in the aftermath of their love making. Though not stupid, Mary and Eustace did not want them to be exposed to anything they might regret later. They had done the impossible to make sure their childhood was a happy one, and they had succeeded keeping them from the gossip or from the people where they would have been shunned because of their bastard status, a stigma they never stopped feeling guilty for.

"You know it will be painful not having him running around the house or playing sword fighting with her sister" Mary grinned, their daughter was a lady to their guests but in private she acted like one Christoph's playmates engaging in dangerous games. She had lost count on how many times she had grounded her and told her it was not fit for a woman to do such things, but Isabella always found ways to escape her mother's detention. All she had to do was show Eustace her innocent light blue eyes and she would be spared. He over indulged on them too much and they got into petty fights sometimes because of it.

He took her face in both his hands bringing it closer to his once more. "But is a pain we must be ready. This will be the best for Christoph you will see. I matured a lot after I was sent abroad, and besides" he said brightly "Christoph has build good connections through the people that I knew during my time serving your cousin, and he has impressed a few of the most renown tutors. I am sure he will make a good pupil"

"I know but I cannot help but worry."

"He is twelve, he will not leave us until he is fourteen, we still have two years"

Mary forced a smile. Two years, it seemed like a long time for a father, but for a mother who had nurtured her children and instilled on them good Christian values, it seemed like very little time. "Would he be allowed at least to visit us?"

Eustace pushed away a strand of her wavy hair from her face. "Of course" he replied "I will make sure he writes to us every month if not every week to tell us how he is, who his friends are, and we will see him. In the spring I will send for him, there is nothing to worry about Mary you will see. This will help him develop his learning skills and who knows? Maybe one day he will take after me or you and be someone whose name will be remembered"

"I doubt it, nobody could surpass your intellect and your cunning. You became a legend in England and for ambassadors to be. Nobody could muster the courage you had to face my father, nobody has ever been so bold."

"That is because I have you" he caressed her cheek "and I knew from the moment I met you, your happiness became my mission replacing all others"

* * *

**A/N: I know long, long, long, VERY long chapter!**

**But I wanted to put what Mary and Eustace's love caused and what the lie Henry told to save his daughter but bar her from the succession had on England.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***John Leland was an actual person for all my history fans and majors here. As you know and those who don't: He was an important author during Henry's time. He was present for the New Year's celebration of 1546 which would be his last. Henry did regard him as the most intellectual person during the last years of his reign and he was commissioned with recording the artifacts and the income brought about by Henry's act to dissolve the monasteries. He was by this a good accountant, however in spite of all his talents as an accountant and as a celebrated English author, it did not come without a price. He fell to a mania following January 1st 1546 and died a year later.**

***Katherine Parr's celebrated work "Lamentations of a sinner" was published in 1548 though it was finished between the period of 1545-1546, but because the language in this book was very Lutheran and evangelical in nature -though she recognized Henry here as a savior and as Moses who brought his people from bondage- she knew that to publish it would have meant her death and there was already a lot of suspicion regarding her religious inclination as it was. So she chose to publish it during Edward VI's reign.  
In its stead in 1545 she published "Prayers and meditations" which read like a manual for English and Latin prayers and preached about piety and prudence to women. Elizabeth did translate this text to French and Latin and gave it as a New Year gift to her father in 1546 as shown here.**

***Last but not least at the beginning we see Henry addressing Parliament. This speech did happen on this very same year and day. I changed though a lot of the words to fit my storyline, and Van der Defelt's thoughts and attitudes regarding the King's speeches are based on letter he sent to the Emperor found in the Spanish Calendar. This address would be Henry's last.**

**Hope you enjoyed it, if not tell it, I love all reviews, but long reviews make my day better!**

**So you know the drill, as always:**

**Review!**

**~VXLP  
**


	55. Gilded King, golden Lady

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
**

**A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers. The song I recommend "Gone away" by the offspring for this chapter to better feel the emotions.  
**

**~VXLP

* * *

**

_"The sea has been divided, the cloud has attended on you on your way._  
_The rock has flowed with water, the manna has rained from heaven,_  
_everything has concurred to promote your greatness_  
_What remains to be done, must be done by you_  
_since in order not to deprive us of our free will:_  
_such share of glory that belongs to us -God will not do everything himself"_

**~The Prince by _Nicholas Machiavelli _**

* * *

**1559, December 22nd**

**Westminster:**

It is before all things necessary, they had warned him that he should not be as so quick, or eager, to engage war on Scotland and France altogether, least until he considered all his other options. These he did not like. Henry did not like being told what to do, but leas of all he hated when his councilors insinuated he was wrong or proven him so.

Henry had no desire to be another Henry VIII. He did not want to make his brother's mistake of attacking France when the English fleet was at its weakest. His brother had been foolish to believe Gardiner and bringing back Wriothesley to retake his old position as Chancellor. All of which had cost him not only his popularity among the people turning into hatred, but the failure to hold Calais, their last French possession brought his armies to rebel against him.

He lied back in his chair and pondered on all the options members of his council had presented before him. He could either go to war now against France and Scotland together and hope for a victory that would acquire him the Scottish crown and the rebellious Scottish and French Queen who claimed to be the true sovereign of England given her religion. Or, disregarding the war lovers seated opposite side to his most loyal men, he could listen to the latter and refrain from attacking.

"England would be open then to attack. You would be inviting the entire French and Scottish fleets and their cavalry the last of which humiliated England long time ago ..."

Henry held up a hand too tired to hear objections. "I do not need another history lesson Bishop Gardiner, I am well aware what happened with Edward I and Scotland. We do not all need another session ending with our heads on the table because of your ranting"

William Cecil laughed raucously joined in by the other members who could not hold their laughter any longer. It was very rare to see someone stand up to Gardiner and put him in his place.

Nevertheless straight Gardiner made a point. Staying neutral for too long would prove Henry to be a weak, and powerless King for when war would come and his enemies, no doubt, would not blink twice when they order their soldiers to plunder everything and everyone in his country. He could not allow himself to be seem weak and powerless.

Damn, he thought. He went back to his earliest lessons, shared with his uncle, by Dr. Cox. A Cambridge man, staunchly Lutheran. Tall, arrogant, and cheerful when it was convenient, to the young Prince and his younger nephews. He had introduced him to Lutheran literature, along with his nanny and governess, he was the only one who confided in Henry his deepest fears and told him straight out, like Gardiner, what qualities a Prince needed to keep his Kingdom safe and obedient. Above all, he had remarked, obedience was the highest of all concerns in a Prince's mind. Of course all these lessons were not something new and particular to Cox, they derived from Machiavelli's book, and his grandfather's favorite, "The Prince". After Philip had proved to be a naive and useless monarch, with very little to give except for the introduction of a new coinage which Henry planed would remain unchanged for it had proven to be very beneficial to alleviate the country from the depression brought about by his grandfather's two successors.  
He had began to read once again the famed and infamous book the Prince, a text he considered more valuable than any other. It had become Henry's bible, and one sentence always caught his attention:

_'Princes AND republics concerned with keeping the state from corruption must above all see to it that their religious ceremonies remain uncorrupted and continued to be properly_ venerated, for every _religion has its vital source in some one of its principal institutions .._._"_

Among many others, this sentence proved to be the first commandment that every King or ruler must obey in order to keep his people united:

_"The rulers of republics or kingdoms must therefore seek to preserve the principles of their religion. Having done this, they will find it an easy matter to keep the state devout, **obedient**, and united._"

Henry did not care squat what religion men, or women, followed. If they believed in Allah, Jehova, or God. It did not matter. But as long as they kept themselves loyal to another lord that was not their King, then it became his business.

The matter of Scotland and France though, unnerved him still and Cecil's voice brought him back from his day dreaming.

"What about the French rebels in the borders of France?" He questioned bringing many heads in his direction. "They have been a nuisance to the King, and especially to his mistress. There is also the matter of John Foxe. Mary of Guise insists we stop our support and his crusade"

He snorted. That witch Marie of Guise again. When were all these fanatics going to stop being thorns by his side? They were nothing but ideological fools whose minds dwindled on fantasy. Of course he had supported Foxe. Who would not if they were Henry's position? He was a reliable ally who had created from the orderly government James V had left for his wife and regent -Marie, a state of chaos that brought many headaches to the Scottish Catholic nobility. Henry did not particularly agree with the man's views, but he was a tool that they needed to create enough disorder that England would be forced to intervene for the welfare of the Scottish crown, after all cousins had look out for themselves and their interests -he mused.

A sardonic smile graced his features as he explained the use of Foxe's rebellion to the advantage of the English crown. It did not take them two seconds after he was finished to applaud his decision. These men, these learned men, were easier to control than the mobs, though both human they were easily ensnared by the eloquence and the complex words (when used right) by their leaders.

New things above all, intrigued them. And the reformation was still something new that not many understood, and those who did used it to their advantage to bring about "change" into their communities, and change had always been seen by scholars as the best of both options. Out with the old, in with the new, was the European way.

"However" Henry added seeing Gardiner and his partner in crime, lips moving. "if we declare open war against Scotland and France we would bring about a disaster. Much as these countries hate themselves, they hate more the idea of a Protestant and an English man destroying their flower of chivalry. If my men are keeping with current events, you know that Philip will not hesitate to aid his wife's family. He commands half of the world's strongest flotilla, and we are already on thin ice being accused of stealing his precious gold from the Americas. A war with one country we might win, but a war of three against one, seems hardly unfair"

"But England cannot close its borders. It has always formed alliance with other Kingdoms, if His Majesty would betroth one of the Princesses to His Imperial Majesty or the Spanish King's daughters ..."

"No, that will never happen! They are my daughter and I decide who I betroth them to! England's problem has always been in staining its royal lineage by marrying its offspring to foreign Princes. It has produced a series of problems to the line of succession."

"But you will close England's borders then? England needs commerce, without the wool to export to Flanders, or the jewelry the many products we rely on for our industry our country will be ruined! You will ruin England!"

Henry stood up abruptly banging his fists on the table, by the look on his face no one dared to speak or turn in his direction for unwanted attention or a scolding.

"You are overstepping your authority Bishop! Understand this, and this alone" he said in a low but menacing tone. His cold blue eyes made the Bishop flinch, he had not felt this nervous since ... the previous Henry. Like a lion he walked to where he was seated and paced back and forward in that little spot where Gardiner was, toying with him, enjoying the look on fear he gave him before devouring his prey.

He leaned and whispered to the man's ear. "I am the King of England, God's chosen, my power derives from God and the people he chose to be my servants. As vicar of Him, I can choose who lives and who dies. To speak against God's chosen on is to speak against God himself. Do you understand Bishop? Do you understand that you have not only questioned my authority but God's?"

Gardiner said nothing, the entire chamber stood petrified, seated no longer feeling comfortable in their cushioned chairs as Henry returned to his.

"Gentlemen" his tone changed as did his facial expression. It was as if the episode with Gardiner had not happened at all, and they knew best that they were too to put that behind them unless they wanted a worse reaction from their King.

"Let us turn to the Bouche and the exchequer, now you know that I am a reformer to the core, but I do not want to change much of my grandfather's tax system. Also to the matter of appointing a new archbishop to the see of Canterbury, I want the people to know that I am not changing tradition, merely making it richer. People must feel proud to call themselves English again." He turned to Gardiner knowing what went through the man's mind "I am sorry dear Bishop, the post will not be yours" Several men covered their mouths to keep themselves from laughing. Cecil and his new chief of security, Walsingham, were finding this too funny. Henry folded his arms waiting for the chatter to stop.

"Yes, very well moving unto that, I have one person in mind, and if everyone agrees with my decision we can have a new archbishop before the end of the year"

Several heads nodded.

One of the members raised his hand for permission to speak. Henry granted it. "Your Majesty and what about the book of prayer and the Act of Uniformity. Your uncle had explicit desires that no changes be made to it" It was Henry Carey, or Tudor as Henry loved to call him. He was his Aunt Elizabeth (recently elevated to Marques of Pembroke and Sussex in her own right) eldest cousin, son of her mother's sister, Mary Boleyn-Stafford. No one who had known her first husband had believed him to be his son, he looked a lot like his grandfather and bore striking similarity with his Aunt to be just more than first cousins. Another one of Henry VIII's bastards like Stukely and so many others that were part of his court.

"Ah Baron Carey, well that will not be a problem. I do not have any intention whatsoever to eliminate my uncle's Act, I simply wish England to have stability at last. You might think me a dreamer milord, but I am not the only one who is tired of the endless civil wars taring our beloved nation apart"

All heads nodded now.

"Modifying some of the Act's articles, taking some, putting in some new and leaving those that recognize my authority as head of the church will create a harmony between Catholics and Protestants"

"Are you absolutely sure this will cement your power?" Cecil was the first to question all his decisions, a man he trusted more above all though they disagreed on almost everything. He was one of the few who was allowed to be so bold in public and challenge his authority whenever the need arise.

"If I change the entire system of traditions that has been ingrained on every English peasant's mind since the time of Alfred the great, we can expect a social revolution to take place and that will cost us more to put down than all the wars we might have with foreign powers."

"Your uncle never had a problem sending armies against them" Baron Carey spoke out of place this time, and that did not sit well with Henry -who shot him a deathly glare.

"And look how popular that turned him in. I do not care for vanities or to be beloved like my brother, but I do know how useful it can be to create obedience from the mob. If they respect me, they respect you, they obey me, then they will obey my members of Parliament as well. Taking away the pope's authority was one thing, the abuses done by the church appointing foreign members in English sees was something the people grew tired off easily, they did not make much fuzz when they had the vicar replaced by an English pope. But what my uncle did was more than that, he took away their lands, his second Lord Protector closed down more monasteries and put many people in the streets, prices rose and even merchants were left penniless. I do not want to go through the same turbulent period he went because of his inability to make a decision. The traditions stay, however the English bible will remain with some changes of course, I want not only to be read in the universities. I want it to be read in every hospital, charity house, and new school we build. I want in time everyone from peasant to noble to have free access to it"

Baron Carey kept his mouth shut after the King's long monologue. This was a jealous King, far more than Philip had ever been. But with the support of the Protestant nobility, which were the richest in England, and the people who saw him as a phoenix emerging from the ashes of chaos that was created by his brother. Calais had become now an injury forgotten in the minds of the people, with Bavaria now an attached limb to mend for the loss of the French territory, the people had cheered.

He had enforced English governors in Bavaria, and following the advice of experience and Machiavelli, not wanting to repeat Louis XII failed enterprise in Northern Italy, he had personally been in Bavaria to see that the nobles there were not plotting behind his back. So far they were only two minor noble families that had shown discontent, but he had dealt with them soon after he had placed two English governors. The people had been surprised by the change of heart in their ruler soon after their deaths. He voiced in their native language, that he would make no changes in government. Bavaria would continue with its traditions, and the courts would administer justice with little change being made to to them.

It earned him the respect from the people, and with a strong fist he stroke whenever necessary or simply to inspire fear on his enemies, earning him also caution from his nobles.

* * *

_Fear and wonder_ -his wife, the young and only daughter from his late governess, Katherine Seymour nee Parr; always advised were the two main elements that make a leader keep his power. His beautiful Mary had been a blessing. As children they had been best friends sharing mutual interest for the heavens and literature. Mary was very different from her mother though, she had her mother's beautiful hazel brown eyes and her love for knowledge that was only surpassed by the love she showed to their daughter, but she had her father's dark hair and much of her uncle's cunning.

She was a true Seymour, and with royal blood flowing through her veins by both her parents, made her a suitable bride. Better than any foreign Princess, he considered.

As he entered their chambers after a long and dull meeting with his council she greeted him, twinning her arms around his neck kissing his cheek.

"So how did it go?" she purred in his ear.

"Dreadful can't you see?" He pointed to his tired expression.

She let go of him chuckling lightly. "Come" she grabbed his hand and led him to their bed chamber "You must tell me more after you ravage me."

"I will but first tell me how are they? I have wanted to visit them but ..."

"Is alright Henry I know, I know." she said dismissively. "They are fine, our eldest, Victoria has your strength. That horse you had built for her she broke its head. Her governess was very afraid and stuttered when I forced her to tell me. She thought that I would scold her."

"How silly, we would never be so cruel, I am sure it was an accident."

"Perhaps, but she is growing more and more like you. She is not as needy as Kathryn, but she is very observant, she makes sure she looks at a person's eyes before giving that person affection. It is like she was pre born."

"She will grow to make a great Queen someday, that is ..." he rephrased seeing his wife's expression "a good Queen to her King."

"Henry ..." she began "England needs a heir"

He passed a hand through his dark brown hair. During the years it had turned dark brown and his appearance had changed drastically from his mother and grandfather. His shoulder had grown more broad, he had become more built, his cheekbones thinner and his hair less straight than his father's.

He sat on the bed, Mary following him. She was not going to stop until he gave her a straight answer. She was that insistent.

"Henry" she pressed. "You know your ministers would feel more secure if you have a son. The other countries I am sure would think twice before attacking, they would feel more threatened with a boy to succeed you."

"Mary childbirth is not a game, I almost lost you after the twins were born"

"But you did not and that is the point. Stop thinking of what ifs, and tell me if what you said to the council is true. Do you, or do you not want England to be safe?"

Henry said nothing.

"Well do you?"

"Yes! There you have it. I want England to be safe and for the Tudor dynasty to continue!" He threw his hands up in the air "There are you happy now my Queen?"

She made a funny sound, like a snort and a cry together. "Yes, now you can share my bed"

"Finally!" He said and took her plowing her for hours until, drenched in sweat, they fell asleep in each others arms.

* * *

_"Where we are there is daggers in men's smiles" _**~Macbeth, Ac II, Scene IV**

_"Life is but a walking shadow,  
a poor player that struck and frets his hour upon the stage  
and then is heard no more.  
It is a tale told by an idiot,_  
_full of sound and fury,_  
_signifying nothing." ~_**Macbeth Act V, Scene V**

* * *

_Adiue, farewell ... were the first words the little girl with the big blue eyes says. Her eyes see everything, and with mute interest she escapes her brothers and her own, nanny's attention to seek the adults. Why are they so entrenched, so serious, so full with concern? She wonders. There is her guardian, the man she cannot call father. She does not know who her father is. Nobody has told her, nobody wants to tell her._

_Little Elizabeth peers closer through the keyhole but she can barely see. She then puts her ear against the wall, now she can hear everything. She is lucky the walls are not too thick like the adults' heads._

_She briefly turned to see if there wasn't someone looking for her. To her great confusion they were not. Sad, she found it that no one paid attention or asked about her whereabouts, but fortunate because finding she was gone would mean another scolding from her lord. _

_Then the voices she heard in her lord and guardian's study brought her ear closer to the door. Then it swung open, and all she could think of was drop to the floor and scramble under the table in the next room. Ironically that is where all the adults went. It was dark under there, and strange to be hiding on the cold stone floor alone -again. Normally she would love the game of hide and seek, but this was no game, no one was looking out for Elizabeth._

_The Duke of Bavaria began to speak, she went unnoticed as usual. For the first time Elizabeth saw the look of concern on her Auntie Bessie's graceful features._

_"Why she cannot come? The Lady Seymour will provide for a good home for both your children and your ward while you are gon-"_

_He held a hand and she became silent. Elizabeth's eyes now focused on her guardian. "She will not go anywhere." his decision was final. "As for my ward, she will not see a life of luxuries and pleasures she is to see if I send her to Lady Seymour."_

_"She is not happy here" It was not a question. And Elizabeth nodded, even if no one could see her or ask for her opinion. Her uncle wore a pretty blue gown with gold embroidery and a square neck, she was the wealthiest lady she had ever come to know, and along with Kate, the nicest._

_Her Aunt continued to insist, her stoic presence a constant that often intimidated him. "I will not let a child be left in a house where she is ill spoken of. Lady Seymour has seen her intellect and seeks to create a haven for learning -for girls- such as she."_

_Philip shook his head vigorously and very firmly now he said now, with his hands turning into fists "No"_

_"But-"_

_"I said no and my decision is final Lady Elizabeth."_

_"Be careful Philip you forget who you speak to. I am the lion's cub and I have my father's heart. If I want to I can go straight to my brother and request him she be transferred to my custody or with the Seymours" Her Aunt yelled, and Elizabeth gasped but soon covered her mouth hoping they had not heard her. Thankfully they did not as they continued arguing._

_She could not believe her Aunt. Sure, she had a temperament, she was widely known for that, but she was also known as "Sister temperance" by her uncle. Never had Elizabeth seen her this angry._

_Her sister's last answer as her guardian's surprised her._

_"It was what her mother, my sister, would have wanted. How longer is this treatment going to last? Do you hate Mary so much that you seek revenge on her by taking it against an innocent child? Spare me your commentaries of right and wrong Philip, we both know why you are doing this!"_

_"She does not leave this house, I will make sure that as long as I live she knows nothing but the misery her mother caused me when she fucked her father!" Philip barked and kicked his desk and that is when Elizabeth was discovered._

_"How in the he-"_

_Elizabeth ran off before he could take her, she did not hear her Aunt's pleas or his angry screams, she locked herself in her bedroom and took her mother's "Angel of Wales" pendant and using it as a rosary (as they were forbidden by her uncle) she began to pray.  
_

_

* * *

_

Elizabeth_ woke_ up from her nightmare. She had not been sleeping, but she had been dozing off after reading the English bible for what must have been the twelfth time in a day! She was bored, very bored with her never changing life. Just recently she had been appointed a lady in waiting to Queen Mary, her brother's wife who had blessed him with two beautiful Princesses, something the Kingdom rejoiced. _But they would rejoice more if he had given them sons instead of two baby girls!_ She kicked the stool causing the bible and other books there to fall. All of which she had already read.

The chambers she had been given were not that big, and not worthy of the King's sister, but she was a bastard what more could she have expected? She was lucky that her brother had allowed her to be his wife's lady in waiting. And why would he not? When he was completely besotted with Mary Seymour. It was ridiculous. How people could be torn and manipulated so easily by one single emotion: Love.

It was an emotion Elizabeth detested. What good had it done for her? It had deprived her of a mother and father. When her mother was charged with adultery many lovers were forced under torture, and threats to their families and fear of their lands being taken, to confess that they had known her mother before her marriage to the Duke of Bavaria. Ha! As if her mother would be some kind of common whore! Half of those stories had changed and become more outrageous as time went by. Elizabeth no longer knew which to believe until she had found a letter hidden by one of her mother's former ladies in waiting, Jane Dormer.

She had asked Lady Dormer if the contents in the letter were true or fabricated. Some kind of sick joke, she wanted to think. She had always held the belief that her mother was not some whore, and deep down she was really Philip's daughter no matter how hard he denied it. She had even acquired the artistic ability to draw and sketch the many similarities she found between them after long hours of staring at his beloved favorite, Henry. What a disappointment it was when she found out that her mother had been what everyone was saying: a whore, an adulterer, a home wrecker. She had cried for days refusing to come from her bedroom in spite of Philip banging on her door and punishing her for three days without food, surviving only on bread and water as if it was lent.

Jane had explained that her mother was not the saint she wanted to be, but that she was neither a whore and that she and her father loved each other very much. If that was so -she had asked -why leave me and take my sister? Why pretend Henry is the rightful heir? Why did the golden boy have to be lavished with gifts and praised by the Queen Dowager, while she, the "bastard", had to be looked down upon by every member of court, including the Queen -who -God rest her soul- never, much as she tried, grew fond of her. Every time Katherine Howard saw Elizabeth she would see a trace of Mary. Elizabeth had been too young then to comprehend the situation, when at the tender age of four she had run up to the Queen Dowager to be hugged like Henry and Philip were, when the Queen seeing the little girl with the big dark gray eyes running to her, jumped back in fright and told Lady Seymour to take her.

It was the first time that Elizabeth learned what it was to be a bastard, it was the first time that she learned what she was and what she would never have: love.

There were many instances where she wanted to push Henry, to tell Philip who hated his brother that he was a bastard and not worthy of those titles, but every time she was about to, there was a small voice in her mind -her conscience she guessed, that stopped her from doing so.

Someday though, she vowed she would be as great as her brother and as great as their great ancestor, Isabel of Castilla. Someday.

She went to pick up the fallen books and the stool. It was not a hard work, she could carry very heavy things from the tasks she had been used to while in Hundson. Of the many things that changed, she was only glad of three. First that Kitty was dead and no longer she would have to hear her hawkish laughter praising Henry for every little thing he did that was considered an "accomplishment". Second that Edward VI was gone, she never agreed with the way he had governed, or rather let other govern for him. He was a big aloof fool, the only eyes he had were for books more than for women and his people. Last but not the least was death of Thomas Cranmer at the stake by her late half brother Philip. How she had enjoyed when she had been allowed by her half sibling to attend the burning. How the flames had danced around the man's body, she could not bare to hear anymore words praising his religion and his works, but she got her wish granted when the flames began to consumed the top of him and soon his screams turned to silence as the rest of his body turned to dust.

"Busy?" A voice from behind interrupted her thoughts.

"Your Majesty" she curtsied bowing her head low.

Mary Seymour laughed at the young lady in waiting. She knew all about Henry's secret, Jane Dormer's letter having reached her thanks to being a curious child at the time of her mother working for Henry's "father". She had kept the letter though a secret, and after snatching it from Elizabeth's bedroom she had kept it with her. She did not want to burn it because she felt that the day might have to come when Henry would have to learn the truth about his parentage. She did not want to put his kingdom in jeopardy, but living in ignorance was not an option for Henry nor believing himself higher than little Bess whom she was very fond of.

"Rise now, we have known each other for ages Bess."

Elizabeth acknowledged nodding very slightly, her eyes still glued to the floor.

"Come on sit next to me"

Without a word she followed her best friend and Queen's command.

"So how are you finding court life?" Mary inquired very interested in what her friend had to say about Henry's new court. "Don't you think is more merry and less dull than Philip's? He is very grumpy because I invited Jane Grey, you know the Queen Dowager to be one of my ladies in waiting and guests of honor. He considers her a nobody, as much of the court. But I know better, she is just a woman like you and me, hungry for knowledge, change ... love"

At this last work Elizabeth lifted her eyes from the floor and locked glances with Mary.

"What do you mean by that?" She asked back with her arms folded across her chest, much in the same manner -Mary saw- as her husband did when he was annoyed.

"Don't think I have not seen from your diet of books that you yearn for everyone's acceptance. You have lived with your Aunt since the Duke's death, and I know that I am the only one besides yourself and Jane Dormer to know the truth about your parentage and Henry's. It does not surprise me that when your Aunt looked after you and her lady, Kat Ashley spoke of Arthurian romances, you always opened your eyes wide as an owl. Face it Elizabeth you are no different than any woman who has come to court"

"No, you are wrong Your Majesty." She said her dark gray eyes, the only thing she had left of her mother's besides the angel of wales pendant her grandma gave her, that she had been allowed to keep. "I am very different, and I will never, ever fall in love"

"Never say never, it may happen when and with who you least expect it"

"I can tell you now Mary that I will never fall in love. Never and that is final. You can live a fairy tale with Henry and your Princesses, but who would ever want me? And would I be happy as you in a marriage arranged to some baron of low station, when we both know that as a daughter of the blood I deserve higher than any lady of court?"

Mary opened her mouth but Elizabeth interrupted her again.

"No Mary I can tell you now. Elizabeth Fitztudor will never have any master, and if I ever marry or I am forced to it will be a great misfortune for me"

Elizabeth rose and thanked Mary for her visit and then returned to her bedroom that she shared with another lady in waiting. She knew the reason behind Mary's visit which had been anything but social. Henry wanted to dispose of her as soon as possible, and what better way than marrying her off to some lowly baron or some member in parliament to buy his silence or get his favor? She was aware of her physical attributes and with her friendship with Mary and her Aunt (the power many suspected behind her brother) a lowly member of parliament or of the nobility would consider her a prize.

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know long wait, more than a week it has been. But with the fall semester and taking on more classes it has been hectic to say the least, however most of the classes I am taking help me understand better of the period I am writing for my stories, and know the background of my characters better.**

**Only two chapters left, so stay tuned.**

**To answer to unnamed visitor: I enjoy your long reviews, long reviews are the best! as always. You will see more Chapuys and Mary in the next chapters, and their son becomes very important in the upcoming chapter as we do a time jump. Thanks again for your review.**

**Fact vs Fiction:**

***Marie of Guise was James V, second wife. His first wife being Princess Magdalene otherwise known affectionately as "Magda" by her loved ones, of France. She died in 1538 very young at the age of eighteen and with no heir to give the Scottish crown who was like Henry VIII in the same predicament and without male heir, married another French, this time a noble whose family became very prominent when Mary Queen of Scots came to France to be raised in Henri II and his mistress (Diane of Poiters) court for her future husband, Francis II. Marie of Guise became regent after James V was defeated in the second Scottish uprising against the English in 1542. She did give many headaches to English monarchs going back to Henry VIII and ending with Elizabeth I. **

***Fox is a real character who was a staunchly, extremely fanatical evangelical preacher who was instrumental in Marie of Guise demise and that of her daughter -Mary, Queen of Scots after she came back to Scotland following the death of her husband Francis II.**

**Mary Stewart was a great enemy of Elizabeth, after all you know the phrase this world is too small for the two of us, she will give as well headaches to Henry IX, and I hope you do not think too OC of real people, I will elaborate them in case more on them in the last chapters, and that you liked Mary Seymour and Bess, or the development there of.**

**With nothing more to say, you know the drill!**

**REVIEW!**

**~VXLP  
**


	56. Life spins and turns and we move on

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
**

**A/N: Sorry that I have been absent for so long for you, but as you know the winter storm really hit Texas and the border cities, right where I live, the hardest and we had no water, electricity and since I do not have a computer with me and the ones at the school library were down as were the rest, I had no access nor reason to upload. Glad I had three days of classes off, but I am ready to get back and stick to normalcy now with days heating up.**

**Here is another chapter, be sure to review those who've read and often don't review, and those who do thank you so much for the support you are the best!**

**~VXLP

* * *

**

_"__All around me are familiar faces  
worn out places, worn out faces  
bright and early for the daily races going nowhere"  
going nowhere  
their tears are filling up their glasses  
no expression, no expression  
hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow  
no tomorrow, no tomorrow ..._

_And I find it kind of funny, find it kind of sad  
that the dreams in which I am dying  
are the best I have ever had  
find it hard to tell you, find it hard to take  
when people run in circles is a very,  
very, mad world  
mad world ..._

_Children waiting for the day they feel good  
happy birthday, happy birthday  
made to feel the way that every child should:  
sit and listen, sit and listen ..._

_Went to school and I was very nervous,  
no one knew me, no one knew me  
hello teacher tell me what is my lesson  
look right through me, look right through me._

_And I find it kind of funny, find it kind of sad  
that the dreams in which I am dying  
are the best I have ever had  
find it hard to tell you, hard to take  
when people run in circles is a very,  
very mad world  
mad world ...__"_

**~Mad world by Gary Jules  
**

* * *

_**1547, June 11th  
**_

_**Louvian:**_

_"Push Mary, push!" Eustace, joined by the two other people present in the room bellowed._

_Their voices raised to the highest at the mistress of the house, had (prior to the bleeding) advised for Mary to breath at a steady pace, and keep her heart at the same rhythm. For Mary this became a difficult task when she had a lot to think of. What if the baby was not born right? What if she did not survive? After all she had barely with the birth of her twins. God bless them, and -she thought now as her life, she imagined, flashed before her eyes- my poor, sweet daughter Elizabeth; whom she had abandoned and was left to fare alone at the hands of her "husband"._

_Mary squeezed her love's hand harder, he could feel the pressure building up in his arteries as her nails dug deeper into his skin drawing out fresh blood. But it was nothing compared to the pain that she was enduring for his and their son's sake. A son. He hoped this time it would be a boy to carry on his name._

_Though the laws were very clear on who or what was to carry on the family legacy and family name, many who had the power, money, or in his case -the connections, to buy as many public officials in charge of the public records. He wanted his children's bastard status not to be an impediment to the happy life he and Mary had. He wanted them to enjoy every second of it, and when the time was right, and their minds ready, perhaps they would tell them of the truth behind their parents' liaison._

_Mary felt her insides being torn open literally by the large bulge in her stomach building pressure down there. Please, she begged, please don't hurt me._

_As if it heard her thoughts, the baby began to make its way out._

_"I see the head" one of the two midwives screamed, the much elder and reliable one told her in a calm, and patient voice that she had to push even harder now. "You are almost there Madame" she said confidently._

_Mary did not need to be told twice, and after much work everyone in the house woke to the cries of a newborn. _

_"What is it?" Eustace wanted to say but abstained himself from saying it. He loved Isabella and Mary more than life itself, but if he were to be honest without hurting his loved ones, he yearned to have a son, a son who would give him grandchildren and their grandchildren would live on to carry his last name. It was a name that carried great pride, for there was no other man that had stood up against his own masters, and his wife's, and lived to tell the tale._

_Mary was consumed by the smell of dry and fresh blood that came as a result of her labor, and the sweat dripping from her hair unto her forehead and her entire body. Her clothes felt sticky and disgusting, but she did not care. With not much strength left, she lifted her arms and demanded to the midwives they bring her baby. After they had cleaned him and cut the cord that had been connecting mother and child for the past nine months, they did so._

_Mary sang to her newborn, whose eyes were more focused to the stranger sitting next to her._

_She never expected to be blessed for a fourth time, and share this joy with Eustace who had become her husband in every sense of the word. Who cared what a piece of paper and scholars said? He was her husband and that was the end of it. Two hearts had never been more joined, or, overjoyed by the coming of their messiah. Their little baby boy, so beautiful, perfect, and yet tiny, looking very fragile. Mary brought him closer to her chest afraid that a single spec of dust would shatter him._

_Eustace chuckled as the baby made what seemed to be an angry face at his mother. He clearly preferred the solitude, like his father._

_Eustace got closer and the baby sensing the other presence looked up. "Talk to him" Mary said. She knew him very well like the palm of her hand. She could tell what was on his mind. "Introduce yourself to our little one, I am sure you want to know" Mary looked down to meet her son's tiny blue orbs "who your father is"_

_The baby clapped his hands. "He has your sense of humor, but he is easier to please like me" She said handing their son over to his father. _

_When Eustace took him, he could almost picture the baby crying or being less patient than his sister when he had first held her. But to his surprise none of his worries proved true. Christoph was in fact more observant and made less fuzz than his sister. He stared at Eustace for what seemed an eternity, until his muscles became more relaxed and his mouth formed a long smile, longer than what he had given Mary._

_She could not help but feel a little envy and relief. That her son had warmed up to his father and in such a short period of heart, he had won this tiny child's heart._

_"Hello" Eustace said, first in English then in his native French to which the baby clapped his hands. _

_"I think we know now which name he will prefer best" She said touching her son's little forehead and leaning over to kiss it. She met Eustace's eyes who nodded knowing what was going in her mind. He had thought it too. A French or Savoyan name for their son. He knew Mary wanted to keep something from her native land alive, but that life was over now and besides, he didn't want to arouse suspicion by having his so called Spaniard lover raising their first son with an English name. It would take a lot of more skill and lies to get out of that one. No, the safest and wisest thing to do was to have their son have a name of his choosing._

_And he was the father, and with this reasoning Mary let him. Henry had not been her first choice nor Eustace's, it only seemed fair that he finally got a chance of being the father to one of her sons._

_"Christoph" Eustace finally said rocking the tiny child to sleep. "Christoph Chapuys" he repeated joining Mary and his son in laughter as he grabbed his father's beard and pulled.  
_

* * *

**(Christoph Chapuys)**

After that day when I came into the world, my parents made sure that my childhood would not be hidden nor I would be too sheltered from the joys of this world. I could not thank them more when they entrusted me and my sister on the family's secret. It seemed that my mother, Maria Fernandez was not a Spaniard, not fully at least, but English! And an English princess at that!

Heir to the throne, the words rang in my mind. I had always competed with my sister. When we were little we would scream the highest and kept going until one would be so tired and out of breath, that he or she would give out and the winner would claim victory in front of our parents by the end of the day at the dinner table.

I always won, Isabella was a poor loser. She did not like being told she lost or that she was not good enough. Our mother had trouble controlling her, and she said to her that being a fighter was not always a good thing and it could get you in trouble. But my older sibling never listened and she DID get in trouble, but never with papa.

Papa was more patient with me and Isabella, he sat in his bed these days more than usual. I knew at an early age that he was very sick and could not move a lot. I always respected my parents' privacy but at night when I find myself in my old bedroom again, after the summer vacations I begin to think on all my mother had to give up to be with my father, all she had to suffer to have me.

I didn't feel guilty and why should I? It was her choice as my father's, to have me not mine. I certainly did not ask for it, but I am glad I was born. Every day is a gift, mother loved saying but after the unexpected from my older brother she does not smile as often as she used to.

Unexpected falls short to what we all fell when he showed up. He came bursting to my father's bedroom. There were large numbers of soldiers stationed outside our home. What business did he have here? I wanted to shout but kept my lips tightly pressed forming the same grim line that mirrored my mother's, after I noticed the Royal coat of arms that was engraved in a golden coin on the front of his hat.

His dark blue eyes, same as my mother's when she grew angry, made me take a step back. However my mother caught me before I took another that would have caused me to fall down the stairs, where some of his soldiers were being attended by our maids and my sister.

How could he have known? And then as if he could look inside my soul, he answered in one quick sentence "_Your bastard daughter, the one you left"_ and stormed to my father's bed chamber tearing everything apart. I had never seen a man so furious, it was like being in the presence of the god Ares of war himself. Though I knew the comparison was blasphemous, there was nothing better to describe what my brother looked like, and by the disrespectful attitude he showed my father.

He started to throw insults after my father did not answer all his questions.

_"Why? Why did you lie? How could you have lain with her?"_

_"How can my blood be running through your veins?"_

But most importantly and the one I believe hurt my parents the most, _"How could you filth be my father?" _and especially my father though he never showed it. My father never shows emotions, when he does it is in private where the servants and the people that known him can't see or hear him. I have that trait from me, where my sister is less colder and more louder than our parents. My mother said she got that from her father's side of the family, something that makes my father cringe. I can only think of all the uncomfortable moments he had to endure for my mother's sake and his master. My father never says a word against Royals, we are both commoners and know better than to speak against those whom by the grace of God are Kings or rulers. But if he was ever to speak out openly against one of them it would be my grandfather, the infamous Henry VIII.

In this house there are hardly any laughs, any jokes, any merry songs to spare to the poor or to the servants anymore since he came. Why did he came? Was this my brother's ultimate revenge? To destroy our happiness just as finding out about his parentage destroyed his?

It only gave me comfort that he now knew. Mayhap, I desperately hoped, that this would make him less arrogant. I don't care what people say about him, those who've been to England. I don't believe what my classmates say, that Henry IX is a great ruler, a great patron of the arts, that he bestows all of the money he gets from his taxes to fund new charity houses for the poor and for the women, who are students in his wife's many schools that he helped build, with parliament permission. Or that he has the ideal republic, with a ruler respecting the opinion of parliament and allowing parliament more freedom than any other King did before him.

I knew better. No person, no matter how best his intentions is, is that good. There had to be an ulterior motive for all this kindness, and gifts.

I eventually returned to school, and later on I went to study in one of the universities my father created through money he had earned while being a servant to Charles V, in Annency. The school of Grammar was not only big, but it provided housing for many students, especially those of other nationalities like myself. Though I had special privileges being the son of the founder, I did my best to make him proud. The dean reported regularly to my father about my grades. He said that he did not have a better student like me, but of course he was only exaggerating to keep his post and be in my father's favor.

Returning to Antwerp I found it just as I have left, except for one detail. One day while I was on my way home, having arrived the day before and greeted by the entire family. My mother had sent me along with the aging Raphael de Montoya to buy some new fabrics, for a surprise she said. She made it very clear no one else was to know. I got the message, no one else meant my father.

I smirked to my mother before kissing her brow and departing with Raphael. Soon we would have another Chapuys in the family. How she'd done it? I do not even want to know, but I am curious as to how or more importantly why? Worry must have been evident in my face for Montoya noticed it, and touched my shoulder telling me nothing bad would happen. But I could not shake the feeling. My mother was fifty. Fifty! I tend to overreact like my father and be not as positive like my wild sister and her equally wild antics, but I have to be realistic. It is very rare for a woman to conceive, let alone survive childbirth at such an advanced age. And my mother had been suffering from belly aches for the past six years, I was really worried but I would keep my promise to her and not tell my father.

There were many scents that drove you to be lost in a land of fantasy. My imagination always ran wild when I visited the center of town where the richest stores and merchants were located. The scent of spice, chocolate and many new foods brought from the new world always made my tongue melt with desire. Dark chocolate above all, it was said that the savages that had been tamed by our holy men, valued this food as they claimed it came directly from their heathen gods' hands. I have to say after tasting it, I found myself believing half of it.

On my way to the shop after Raphael had picked up the order of silk and other fabrics my mother had been waiting for more than a week, I went to the shop where all these tasty delights were and right there where I least expected the door opened so quick that I did not have time to register. I fell down on my ass hitting the cold stone floor with a loud thump.

I cursed and walked to this cloaked stranger, ready to give him a good tongue lashing. He ought to know better. People these days, as the world changed so did they. We were all so much in a hurry that we never cared to look who we bumped into, or where we hit. That factor which made communities grows closer and be more friendlier to their neighbors is gone.

I stopped short when the bloke, about my size, took his hood and he was not a he but a she.

_"Mademoiselle pardon"_ I whispered. It should have been she who begged for my pardon, not the other way around but standing in front of her, I could not help myself. Those eyes, dark chocolate brown eyes as the thing I had most desire for, captivated me and I no longer felt the need to enter the shop.

She smiled at me showing perfect white teeth, just as the color of true pearls. She begged me to understand that she was in a hurry, that she was a stranger and was not yet used to urban areas. A country girl, I thought. That was nothing new, many people who progressed moved to urban and busy areas to further their trade or in her case perhaps, to marry off their daughters to some wealthier merchant.

I hoped for my sake that the latter was not the case with her. To my relief when I accompanied her back home, it was not. We kept seeing each other in the same shop for many months, until one day when my mother was leaving her first second trimester I could not resist and asked her to be my wife. She was not very happy at first and mumbled a lot of excuses how we should get to know each other more, and etc. But finally after much persuasion from my father to her father, she accepted.

Daniela Chapuys, it had a nice ring tone to it. I soon found out I should have listened to her advice instead of rushing to a marriage. My wife it turned out loved to brag and boss me around, it was very hard to get used to her, but thankfully she and me talked about this and agreed on a solution. Where private matters were concerned, she would have the house to rule over. It was her right as a woman and a wife, but outside of the house she would keep herself in check and when she spoke, I reminded it should not be something foul or too bold that would make me look bad.

I had recently been employed at the King of Spain who rules half of Europe, service. I did not want her plain spoken ways to ruin my promotion. I wanted to make my father proud, and keep the memory of the Chapuys legacy alive.

Daniela respected my wishes and obeyed, but like my sister she always kept her fingers crossed for every promise. It was not an easy marriage, but we loved each other and she completed me. I felt whole with her, the way my father had felt with my mother.

Thinking about my mother brings such pain to me. When she was five months along and we thought she was going to have a miscarriage, the midwives were summoned and my father's physician as well, and disappointment came later when he told us that the baby was not lost. Relief came to our faces but then they turned grim again, as Dr. de la Pesca informed us that she could have never lost a child when there had never been one. All the color from my father's face drained, completely drained. I have never seen him so white. And with that pale face, devoid of any emotion that he saved later for his beloved funeral, he asked "Then what is it?"

The doctor expressed his condolences to my father. That was not enough, my father bellowed and supported by his two canes, and helped by Montoya and another servant, who was new to our home, he took a step forward and demanded from the tall and thin doctor to go back and tell the midwives to brew something that would make my mother's pain go away. The doctor did his best to explain but my father would hear nothing of it. I wanted to tell him that mother would recover, to lie to make the pain in all our chests go away. But I could not stoop so low. My father always taught me against keeping secrets from your loved ones unless it is absolutely necessary, for their safety.

_"Dust to dust ... While I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I shall know no evil ..."_ I barely heard the sermon the preacher gave in Church. My hands traveled to my wife who was at my right side, and to my father who was at the left. He shook my hands away and would not look at me. His eyes were resting on the cross behind the altar where our Lord Jesus Christ lay.

With a house of my own, I kept writing to my father, visiting him and begging for the old man to move back with me. The pay I was receiving was good, plus I was not a heavy spender like my sister who still remained single. We still kept more than half of Daniela's dowry, and with my father's sinecures I was sure it would be more than enough to have him settled in a much larger, and quieter environment. Our villa retreat in the country was just what he needed, I kept pleading but to no avail.

My father would not hear it, stubborn old man I thought.

Today it was different. Now he did want to see me and I don't know why I even accepted. He had made it clear from his last letter. Don't talk to me, don't ask of me, bury me deep in the darkest corner of your mind where you will never find.

I scoffed when I received his letter but when I watched it burn, something in me burned too. It was the anguish that I felt all these years, first blaming Henry with his unexpected visit that crushed my parents' happiness, second myself for trying so hard all these years and failing with my success to have my parents be proud, and our lives return to normalcy. It was there that I realized that no one was to blame for their unhappiness except themselves. Cruel as this line of thought was, it was the true. My father was a stubborn man, and I watched after the flames dissolved the last piece of his letter. I stood up and told Daniela everything in it. I kept my answers short and after a pregnant pause, she asked me if she should go with me. I shook my head.

I wanted my father and me to have some time alone, for it would be our last.

My father shakes his head, his hand reaches mine and I am brought back to reality.

There is not much time, I realize.

"Please ... por favor" my father whispers switching from language to language, until he is sure my eyes are solely focused against his. My eyes are his window into my soul. When I was a boy he would look at them to know if I was lying or telling the truth. It never failed. "Your brother ... he is your brother" he pauses and turns the opposite side where a servant hold a large bowl for him to spit. My father's coughs make me flinch and I feel so pathetic when I flinch, it is like I am a little boy again. Four years since our mother's death, I had achieved so much. And it pains me to see that the real reason why I am here is not for him to say farewell, but because he KNOWS of new appointment to represent Philip II of Spain, replacing his old ambassador in England.

I do not bother myself asking how does he know? My father knows things, whether he asks for them or not, he has always had eyes and ears everywhere, his retirement has only made him more powerful with all the connections he has at his disposal. Once he dies those will pass on to me -hopefully.

I am his son though. He should not care what happens in England with Henry, he stopped being his son when he cursed my father, the same man he should have been thankful for he gave him life. He owes him nothing! But I keep my mouth shut, but it is of no use as my father turns after his violent coughing subsided, and resumes his sentence "Your brother Christoph ... " he can barely speak, he begins to cough again, and I step closer and pat his back but he stands up straight.

He does not want to be pat or touched.

"Christoph" his voice becomes firmer and I now feel like the little boy who is being scolded for something he should not have done. "He. Is. Your. Brother. Your mother would not have wanted to see this from you" The old man knew where to hit. I had to obey him now, the mere mention of my mother made my eyes watery, and with the excuse I had something in my eye, I made sure no tears would fall. I brought my sleeve to my eyes and looked back at my father.

It was a request I felt with all my heart, was very unfair.

How could he expect me to be kind to a man who insulted our family? No, I would not. Never! However he pressed on the matter further and beckons me to come closer now to give me his blessing. His hair was very gray, almost white and he barely looked at me as his head ducked as if feeling the weight of the world on his shoulder all over again. He asks me for a bit of mint, to bring him his old weathered silk from my mother. His mind is faulty, he cannot tell fantasy from what is real anymore.

This is not the man that I used to call "papa" or "father". He would never be this weak, this old, this senile.

"The silk is gone, the ..." I paused, my brain searched for the perfect lie. Finally I resumed my highly elaborate lie, and my father who is too tired and struggling to keep his eyes open, has nowhere to rely on to tell whether or not I am telling the truth, except for my voice which I keep my tone neutral to avoid suspicion.  
"The Turks have invaded the ports of Venice from where the silk came from, mama went to the market with Isabella to bring you something else"

It was not a total lie. Half of the silk was gone, and the new silk that I meant to buy my father I could not because the Turks had invaded the ports of Venice and taken many Christian cities, and its rulers captive. It was one of the main reasons why the King of Spain had insisted to my father to leave Antwerp and replace his Ambassador in England, something I had been very honored when he personally came to tell me, while I had been for a short period time, gone to see him in Spain. He said that my father would be most proud of me, and I wanted to add to that sentence that I would prefer if my father did not know of my appointment, but now it all dawned to me, as my father opened his mouth, that the King had told him beforehand.

Very naively I had imagined that this would turn out very differently. That I would require, if I had been five years younger and still a boy of eighteen, his permission to go, but not before giving me plenty of advice of the people and hitherto prepare me telling me more of their different customs.

Alas!This was no time for fantasies. To dwell in what should, have not, or what ifs.

"Those blasted Turks ... damn them ... damn ..." he started to cough more violently but he waved his hands at all of us. He wanted no comfort, and now more than ever he makes it clear by speaking up, ignoring the pain and blood that crept from his mouth and fell unto his dirty chemise. His piercing blue eyes that mirrored mine opened wide and he shifted toward me. "Listen to me ... Ch-hhristoph, I will not have any more dispute to this house ... whatever we have done to you"

"You have done father"

"Silence!"

There was silence, I kept my mouth shut for the entire sermon.

His violent coughs and curses at his damn pain did not stop him from keeping his eyes centered on me. "You are my son ... you are Christoph Chapuys, I don't care what anybody says, you know the truth, blast your damn mother's pride and get that hatred from your brother out of your heart ... I will have no more of hatred or resentment running in this family, do this if not for me, then for your mother ... she would not want to look from heaven and see history repeat itself, it was not why she gave her life for you ... for all of you ... for me" He finished and taking my hand, for the first time his fingers did not press hard against my skin; he exhaled and then he was no more.

* * *

**(Elizabeth Fitztudor POV)**

Henry had loved his wife with such fervor, that many whispered, they have never seen before. When the beloved Queen of England and faithful companion to my brother, and my only true friend besides my Aunt Bess, in this court of masks and intrigue, died, the whole Country went into mourning. England had not only lost a faithful servant to heaven, but also the only true charitable and tolerant soul that had existed in this land. Though they quarreled from time to time in the matter of the Church's supremacy and other theological matters, they always got back together for their only surviving child, Princess Victoria Elizabeth (after my Aunt) and most importantly as they were not blind to what was expected of them, for England.

She was not going to be shaken by the gossip that went on Court. Barren, and disloyal to the religion that had sheltered her and her mother, Mary Seymour turned a blind eye to every gossiper.

She lived for her husband, for her country's children and for her own child.

But she was not blind, at times, at night when she made sure it was just the two of us, she would tell me how she prayed day and night in the only way she was taught by her mother, the noble Katherine Parr, for a son to end the restless nights of ambitious courtiers and parliament members that she feared, conspired against her husband.

I laid a hand on her shoulder like my Aunt Bess had done when I was a child, after Philip had died and I moved to Hatfield with her and her ladies. All who treated me fairly like I was their equal, above all was Kat Ashley, Elizabeth's second governess and most trusted lady in waiting whom my Aunt entrusted me to continue my education. I owed my Aunt and Kat Ashley everything, if it had not been for them, I don't know where I would be now.

Mary expressed her worries, five pregnancies and only one surviving child. Nothing hit a mother harder than to be blessed with the gift of life only to give it up later. The Archbishop of Canterbury, a man whom my brother and my Aunt often fought for his views, they deemed, were too radical for the Church of England, expressed his condolences for the couple and prayed that a Prince would soon be born to make the nation feel more secure. This last part caused my brother to enter a period of seclusion where no one would have access to him, save his fool and his most trusted advisers.  
I wanted to help, not because I felt patriotic or anything of the sort. I really did not care what happened to the country, or Henry, or his advisers who were too pragmatic and knew nothing of the grace and love of God, like his first Archbishop had. But I shared a deep connection with Mary. She was born in the same year as I, and we had always been friends. As her lady in waiting besides, it was the least I could do to help a friend in need.

But God had other plans for milady and the Archbishop. The latter was the first to go after my Aunt who was now his shadow Queen (in the absence of a Queen who was as influential as Mary had been to Henry), and of course my brother and his councilors, began to threaten him and accuse him of being disloyal to the King who was still, they emphasized, the supreme head of the church and relative to all matters, terrestrial and not, supreme ruler.  
They did not have to wait long for his resignation, he died shortly after seeing that the clergy and few things would change in England. I felt pity for him, we disagreed on many views, as Mary and I did, but he had been a true protestant and evangelical, defender of his faith, like Cranmer. This world of pragmatics and cynics clearly did not suited him, and God saw it more fit to call him to his service before staining his soul with more heresy.

Then came the sad news when Mary went into early labor, and at last she had delivered what she had always prayed for. A son. A healthy, living, baby boy. Or so we all thought.

Two weeks later after the birth, the Queen had fallen ill with a terrible fever and died in her bed shortly after. Hitherto following her death, so did the child a week later.

Henry would not speak with anyone. He took his death harder than anyone else, and left his Aunt to take care of the Kingdom while he was in seclusion.

For me it was not only a time of mourning the loss of a friend, but also the loss of my freedom.

Three years ago since her death, I was forced to leave Court and go back to the area near London, in Hertfordshire at the east of England. There I had to live for two years with two young men who were as impetuous and insolent as their late father, Baron Carey who had left me little inheritance, all his fortunes given to the two boys I had given his instead.

I hated being married to that man, but thank God unlike with Mary, He answered my prayers. Soon after Stephen Carey, my second and last son, was born he died. He had caught a terrible disease from one of the many whores in one of the many brothels in London he loved to visit. His sons were alike him in any way, they had his eyes that caused me to flinch when they would raise their voice at me, the same brown-blond hair and pale complexion. And to my disgust they had his temper and his same smell.

No doubt from all the whores they slept with. They had no love for God, their God was money and their church was Court. I do not consider myself a religious woman, but should I have ever been one, I would have taken more care to teach them the laws of God, instead of setting the tigers from their cage and loose in the world wreaking havoc. My Aunt tells me to be patient. Ha! What does she know of patience? She who lacks it and is just as, or worse, than I am should not give me another lecture on patience and virtue! I know that her husband is just like all men, and Bess turns a blind eye caring not where her husband fucks, as long as their children remain in their will.  
I envy her, as I secretly envy my beloved niece Princess Victoria. Henry loves her, everyone loves her and how can they not love her? She is adorable, even at fourteen with a new queen, and stepmother she knows how to behave. She is always proper, virtuous, has a great love for knowledge and an aptitude like all girls in our family for the fine art of music (though I secretly have taught her how to draw and paint, and the tutors have nothing but to sing praises for her intellect. She takes after Mary, though there is a side of her that is very Tudor and very Henry. She is a feisty one, but she knows when to keep her mouth shut like any good Princess.

When Henry remarried, Victoria, it took her a long time to accept her father's new wife. She said she would never call another woman mother, and it was not really necessary I told her, when I was allowed back at Court to be part of her new Majesty's ladies in waiting. Henry's new consort, was the Duchess of Braganza and Guimaraes, Caterina of Portugal who was of nobler lineage than Henry and belonged to the oldest house in Portugal and one of the oldest in Christian Europe. She was not as plain spoken or bold like Mary, but she possessed a political mind and her dowry was more than what Henry needed to further England's ambitions.  
It turned out that Portugal was having a crisis, the old King of Portugal was dying and without a legitimate candidate to the throne, the Portuguese nobles began to look elsewhere and among the candidates ... voila! My sister in law and current Queen, Caterina (or as she now called herself Catherine) of Braganza and Guimaraes, was a likely candidate to become Queen after the old man hit the sack.

_So ..._ I think looking at the thirty three year old woman, with her dirty blond hair arranged in a thong, her eyes full of sweetness -but I can see a trace of poison behind those two sapphires- and her smile filled with warmth whenever she looked at me. _It wasn't enough that you and your "shadow Queen" Auntie Bessie had Bavaria and other lands annexed to England, now you want to compete with the fearsome Philip II's ambition. Must you have all until there is nothing left brother?_

I had received a tongue lashing from my brother after he discovered the letter that Mary had hidden, where it revealed his true parentage, but instead of being mad at his lovely wife, he unleashed all his anger on me. His way of pay back was marrying me with Auntie Bess' first cousin, Baron Carey.

My mind reminded me to be forever grateful to the new Queen for rescuing me from my miserable existence with my two brats at Hundson. I could not bare to call them my sons, I was forced to when they showed their disgusting faces at Court, but I never felt any love for them. It is not true what they say that motherhood changes people, it never changed me, never made me grow attached to those two or their violent father. I hated them, but they were a part of me and that part that reminded me that my blood ran through them, prevented me from inflicting them the same pain their father had done to me.

I sighed and returned to my knitting. The Queen asked me all she could about England, and begged me to teach her other languages. For a moment I felt pity, and smiling I accepted so here we were, talking like I had once had with Mary, about every day stuff while we knit for the upcoming baby that lay in her womb.

"Any day now" she said to me in Latin, the tongue we used at first to communicate with each other. I could not help but reassure her when she expressed worry, after hearing from the previous English consorts who had died in childbirth.

"You will be alright Majesty ... I am sure all of England will be rejoicing after you present them with their new Prince"

She nodded, convinced. "Pray that it is a Prince of Whales, and a future Duke of my possession" she said in all honesty. After her husband's death she was, for some reason, allowed to keep the title of Duchess instead of Dowager Duchess as she should have, and with no contender to her father's own Duchy, she was left his lands.

Henry could not be happier than to have a wife who was proving to be as fertile as his first, and who had brought a greater dowry than thus.

"Please ..." Catherine said smiling wider at me as she took my hand. "Catherine, my friends call me Catherine"

"And my friends call me Beth" I responded. This was not the life I planned or dreamed of, but it was better than the alternative.

* * *

**A/N: In real life Caterina or Catherine of Braganza, was Duchess of Braganza after her marriage to John I of Braganza who was, you guessed it, her first cousin, but many royals married between the family so nothing new there. However she did not inherit her father's possessions as she had another sister, and one brother who died very early in life. But for the sake of this story, her husband John died about the same time she married him, and she is an only child, and with no children of her own.**

**And after much deliberation and suggestions from fans, and reviewers I have decided to continue this saga with the sequel: AW: Aftermath. Thanks to Dani as well for convincing me, and telling me never to give up.  
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**You know the drill!**

**REVIEW!**

**~VXLP  
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	57. Ignorance is bliss

**Disclaimer: I do not own everything if I did I would be a millionaire producer and Goddess Supreme ^_^  
**

**A/N: It has been a long journey, here is the Epilogue into the twentieth century.**

**Read and review, this was based on history and the King's speech, with some twists of my own.  
**

**~VXLP**

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_"No man shall bring down this house_

_No man shall tarnish its name_

_We must defend it against all sworn enemies_

_shield it from temptation_

_Guard it from evil_

_and protect it from all sinners and heathens outside these walls_

_... and within" _

**~_Rodrigo Borgia_, "The Borgias" Promo trailer**

* * *

**Epilogue:**

The messenger said that I was to come at once to my dying father's chambers. That is how George V is -he expects everyone to do what he says immediately. He has no tolerance for those who are late, like I often am.

And I did not want to miss when he would name me instead of my brother, his heir. My brother had been the dutiful and proud Prince my father dreamed of since before he eloped with my mother, all his life. He was adventurous, vigorous for a young man (though I would hardly call him young, he is very close to forty and no heir) and always active. All the contrary to what I was. But that is how, I suppose, things were meant to be.

Like ying and yang, west and east, fire and ice, two opposing forces that contribute to our different genders. David or the future Edward VII as he would love to be called, if only he had driven out that American chit, Wallis. He was supposed to be England's golden Prince, the great successor to carry on the Windsor legacy for many years to come. After the WWI my father had changed our last name to Windsor given that rumors ran wild, that because we were descended from the Royal Hannover house of Germany, my father would use his connections in Germany to betray Parliament and delivery England to the enemy. This was stupid, one of the stupidest things the people could ever think of, but what was I to expect when the people were hardly educated and easy to manipulate by all these "new" men we now depended on?

As a little girl my father favored David, and I knew from the beginning that many things had changed since our dynasty took over England after the fall of Stuars, mixing our blood with theirs to establish a new and legitimate rule, the same way our direct ancestor, Henry VII, had done when he married the Yorkist heir -Elizabeth of York.

"Come closer" my father murmured, his voice was barely audible but I was able to hear as did the rest of my family. My mother standing at his right, hiding her tears. She would be a widow and she had to remain firm in her posture, as she always did. We could not afford a Queen mother to look weak, it would make everyone in the family look weak. And with talks of war brewing all over Europe, we couldn't afford sentimentality win over our Royal duties.  
It would give aid to our enemies into striking when the time came.

I knew the command had been meant for me, as he glanced to my side. I walked replacing my mother in her rocking chair and held his hand. For the first time in my short life, he did not shook it away. Instead, he held it firmly and brought it to his mouth where I felt the coldness of his lip kiss my pale skin.

This is not needed, I thought. I should not be showing myself so caring when it is not the attitude of a future Queen, but right now I don't feel the weight of the crown on my shoulders. We are simply like any other family in the North of England, simple, caring, and dependent on one another.

And I do, feeling guilty for never having shed a tear or mutter a prayer for the welfare of this man, lean forward to kiss his cold and sweaty brow. Then I mutter "Thanks" why? I don't know, perhaps it is just the realization that I will never see him again, that makes me do this. But it must be a good feeling for my father is smiling, he is really smiling, and with a complacent tone he warms up to me even more and says more gallantly "England will have a great Queen in you. What name my child will you take?"

"Georgina ..." I whisper but my father lifted his eyes to me.

"What is that?" his raspy voice asked.

"Georgina" I said now feeling more confident.

"Georgina the First" I repeated and the King smiled resting his head back against his soft pillows, closing his eyes.

"The King is dead" my mother said in a broken, yet firm voice. "Long live the Queen" she said followed by the others, including my reluctant brother Andrew. Lord and Duke of Pembroke Andrew Windsor, he was free now to marry his whore, the infamous Wallis Simpson. And to think if only he had made her mistress, and he was not sympathizing with Hitler, he could have had all this. But no, Andrew was an adventurer and he always put risk before reason.

Weeks later the procession started, the crown was placed on top of my head, and for the first time in years I stuttered, but it was only for seconds and thankfully it went unnoticed. My heart skipped a beat as I felt my husband stand next to me. Parliament would not declare him their King, and the people were not feeling too keen to call him Consort or acknowledge him as their King, so instead he became First Duke. At first I thought it was an insult for he had as much royal lineage as me, a direct descendant from Lady Elizabeth Dudley Tudor, he deserved the same respect as I got from the Primer Minister, Parliament, and the people who looked at me for guidance in these hard times of economic depression.

But he was a good husband and understood that not many things could be changed in our customs, so he went along with it. I played with my daughters as much as I could, but they no longer saw me as, nor called me, mama. Things had changed when the crown was placed upon me. I had responsibilities, and I was married as the great Victoria once said, to my people and they were my first priority, my family now came in second.

As I scanned through the documents, hours after I had finished my first of many speeches to come, encouraging the young men who were drafted, and bestowing upon them -I hoped- courage that they would need as we had finally came to declare war against Germany. War. It was something that excited and terrified me, but as the great Nichollas Machievelli would have said, in keeping yourself neutral you keep yourself more at risk of being attacked. And that is what happened to my Country, when Parliament decided that we should remain neutral, Hitler in retaliation after we said we would take no sides, attacked our English province in Bavaria and then Parliament had no choice but to declare war.

It would be the worst and bloodiest conflict yet to date, but the men needed to know they were not alone, that their Queen and Country were with them every step of the way, and wishing for their safe return.

* * *

_"All of the vermin will drown,  
the accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will form around their waste.  
And all the whores and politicians will look up and shout save us, and I will whisper:  
No"_

**~Rosharch in Watchmen (2009)**_  
_

* * *

_"May democracy reign"_ had ironically been the motto she had adopted after they had gone to war.

Now as she put her hat and gloves aside, she resumed looking after the documents she needed to sign. Most were letters from relatives in Paris, mainly her brother Duke Andrew and his wife Simpson, and of course of her younger sisters who had retired to the countryside in Wales where her own daughters, Elizabeth and Catherine were in case there would be air bombing. God, she prayed, that should never happen but it was a strong possibility given Hitler's success in conquering nearly all of East Germany.

In one way Hitler outshone the rest of Europe. His secret police and intelligence service was finer, more organized, and was as it should be -more secret than their own. But, no longer Andrea but Georgina I thought, they do not outnumber us in men. And she would never admit this to anyone save to herself and God, but the hypocrisy displayed by Hitler's own appearance was a direct contradiction to what he preached of what the Aryan man should look and be like. The people of Germany, including their own Bavaria did not realize that they had left their loyalty to a mad man and his twisted science.

She crossed her arms and turned her head to one side, noticing a leather diary she had not seen before in the drawer where her father had kept all of his states papers, and where she now did. It was the first time she used this room, she thought knowing how her father had been a private man with little secrets, that there would be nothing to surprise her. Yet there was.

Georgina grabbed the diary and as she began to read the first pages she noticed the book was written in Middle English, however to the end of the book there were letters wrapped in thin straps of linen that were very old and just as tattered like the diary, written in modern English. Hmmm ... she thought ... should she read it? She might as well, if this was the end of the times as people in streets preached, this might be her last and only chance to find more of her family's past.

_Dear Elizabeth_

_I don't know if this will reach you, I want you to tell you that before I meet the hour of my death, that you are not a sin I regret. I have regretted many things in life but you are not one of them ..._

_Farewell my offspring, my daughter, take care and always remember who you are the daughter of Princess Mary Tudor, not Lady or Duchess but Princess and the descendant of Isabel and Fernando de Castilla and Aragon respectively._

_~Lady Mary_

_My dear Queen_

_The utmost and most dire urgency I beseech on your person council and support.  
Spain has threatened to attack, and I no longer care whether this letter is intercepted, you and my daughter, and our children are all that will remain._

_~Henry R_

_Your most gracious Majesty._

_Henry, I am grateful to God. He has answered all of our prayers, you are safe and with the Lord's help, you have secured victory and destroyed the "Invincible" Spanish Armada. Oh how I laugh to think how my sister in law, and our cousin, our brother in law must be biting his tongue at hearing this news. You have opened a world of possibilities for England, Bavaria, and all your people cheer for your victory. _

_~Catherine, Duchess of Braganza and the Queen of England._

They were letters dating back to her oldest and direct ancestors, there was hardly anything of a secret in what they wrote to each of their loved ones, though she had never seen such love displayed by Royals in any other letters she had at her disposal from the Royal archives before. The emotion you had here was truly genuine, and it made the legend of the Tudors and their fiery passion seem more real, however Georgina was not one to fall for these fantasies too easily.

Henry IX had been one of the greatest male monarchs in English history, with his two virgin daughters, both Queens and leaving a great legacy for future monarchs after their deaths in the mid seventeenth century. However he had his faults, with only one sickly male heir who had died young, he had no choice but leave the throne to his eldest daughter Victoria, who had become Victoria I and whose name was forever immortalized in poems and songs that referred to her as "Victoria, Victorious" with her sister Virgina, the true Virgin Queen and whose name had been used to name one of the colonies founded during her sister's reign. Virgina was perhaps the most successful of all Tudor monarchs bringing new technologies and expanding the riches and reaches of the rising English Empire. She had no children, and that left the Crown at the hands of the Stuarts who had a strong claim since Henry IX had married his third youngest daughter to King James VI of Scotland. That dynasty had lasted longer and brought many heirs, but it did not share the same success or fame as their predecessors, and very soon you had Georgina's family who had strong ties to England through one of their ancestors being Elizabeth Stuart, James VI and Theresa Tudor, eldest daughter.

Their reign had been after the Stuarts and the infamous Plantagenet -the first house to rule in England- the longest, and the most successful.

Now that she was uncovering secrets that had remained buried in her father's study, from her ancestors, she was unsure if she should continue. Her father used to say that curiosity killed the cat, and that sometimes it was best not to know too much of our family's history, but Georgina was curious, she wanted to know more. England might be invaded at any time, if that should happen she did not want to die ignorant.

She spent hours reading through all the letters until at last she got to the last two, where after she finished her eyes went wide and she jumped backwards knocking the chair where she'd sat. She ran across to the end of the room, where she open a window. The air around the room she felt it grow hotter, and despite that it was still winter, she opened a window. She needed clean air, she could not intake all of what the contents of the letter revealed. The greatest of all their Kings, their greatest Queens and Princesses had been nothing but fakes and phonies.

Usurpers, she said to herself, biting her tongue and later bringing her hand to her mouth, she bit her nails. All this time, her family, their claim to the throne, just when she thought this was the moment of her and her family to shine, it turns out that she was nothing but an usurper. Her husband who descended directly from Henry VIII's youngest daughter, Lady Elizabeth, had a stronger claim if what the letters said were true, than she did. Her daughter, her little Elizabeth would still be Queen, but that would generate many problems if she were to grow a conscience and bring this new information to light.

After much thinking, and without noticing that she had been alone to her thoughts for hours and morning had come. She decided that as her father once said, some things were better left hidden. The people of England were looking to their leaders for support, Churchill had said so himself. They could not afford this, not right now. Maybe in the future, where people did not have to worry or keep secrets, these letters could come to light, but in the present appearances still mattered.

If she wanted to keep this nation strong, she had to appear strong herself. It would be very unfair if she took the illusion they had of her and the Royal family away from them, it would be like rape. People needed their Queen, they needed the monarchy now more than ever if they wanted to overcome the struggles that were yet to come.

**Nobody** would ever know.

And without being aware that she was falling to the same abyss in which her ancestress Mary Tudor had fallen into when she lied of her son's parentage, she grabbed the leather diary, set it on the desk and started to copy as much as she could from the last two, where her son and his sister, the infamous Fitztudor, revealed everything to their offspring. And after finishing, she sealed her own letters in a thick folder that she put in a chest from where only she could open, and burned all the original documents.

* * *

_From beyond two pair of blue eyes looked at each other, shaking their heads. For many years they had hoped in vain, that somebody would find out, and all this fallacy would at last end. But like it was with the living, they all preferred to live in ignorance._

_"The world will look up to them and shout save them ..."_

_"As ..." the second ghost interrupted, with her cold and callous dark gray eyes looking at her partner in death, much as he was in life. "they will look up to us for guidance, and shout as they did in desperate voices -save us- but we will answer ..."_

_"No" he finished the sentence for her, and took her pale hand in his, walking freely away from all the darkness and ignorance that surrounded the Royal Palace. And they walked and walked until their feet could carry them no more, they reached a small town, one that was very family to her, where she had first realized the monster her father had become, the very same place where its building was now gone, where she was imprisoned, threatened, and blackmailed to give up all that she believed up for the precious gift of life ... And all of this couldn't have been accomplished had it not been for her faithful companion's eloquence, and most of all, the love he still professed, even years after his death, for her._

_"It is a brand new day" He said at last as they reached the old spot where they first made love._

_"Yes it is" though she didn't have to say it. It was a brand new day, but not for them. Their time was long gone, and now all that remained for them was to be silent shadows, watchers over the living.  
_


End file.
